Rant corner: You may have noticed - since everything up to this point was narrated from Naruto's point of view - that even in female form Naruto thinks of himself as male. (Example: Naruto looked down at his chest and frowned. He covered his breasts with his hands. "Stop looking at my boobs!") This is purposeful, and will carry on thorough all the fic.

In pretty much every other fanfic I've read, Naruto changes gender depending on his sex. One minute he's a boy and a "him", the next he's sporting boobs and suddenly thinks of himself as a "her". That doesn't make sense, and is born of laziness.

I can think of only one instance where Naruto is actually genderfluid: he thinks of himself as "him" and "her" depending on whether he's currently sporting a penis or boobs, but that's on purpose, due to how he grew up. (The fic I'm talking about is "An Invincible Summer" by ShanaStoryteller, on AO3. Let's make this my weekly fanfic recommendation!)

My Naruto, instead, is a man, and thus thinks of himself as male, no matter if he's in henge or not. There will be no "Naruko" (meaning a true female Naruto), there's only going to be a Naruto who happens to (temporarily) have a vagina. He will not start to act feminine, he will not flirt randomly, he will not change his mannerism. Now that I think about it, he's going to be the most masculine woman ever. *snickers* Now, this is going to be hilarious. Also, Naruto is going to go back to being male as soon as he's given birth, with his great relief.

Review comment for Teacuppy (who disabled private messaging): Thank you for reviewing both! You're really my most loyal follower 3 I try my very best to keep the quality high for a simple reason: I'm a picky reader. I studied how narrative is written, and I read a lot, so I'm terribly picky about my reading. I don't care if a fanfic has a great plot: if it's grammatically inaccurate or poorly written, I can't read it. So, I try to write something that someone as picky as me would read. If it passes the test, it gets posted xD

Now... Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce you the three people that made this chapter possible! Angel Fantasy, who was recruited as co-author! An applause, please. She's my Occam Razor: her well-aimed comments already saved me from doing something monumentally OCC in this chapter.

Giorgia, my beta reader, who despite not being well acquainted with Naruto listens to me raving about plot and characters and discusses of writing techniques with me.

Las but not least, NinjaMoogle, who betaed and helped me with the fight scenes (I can't write fight scenes worth shit) and listened patiently while I raved about plot holes and such. Plus, she's my personal expert on all things Japanese.

Then, about the elephant in the room: how late this chapter was. Chapter one and two were published one right after the other for the simple reason that I wrote them on the spur of the moment. After that, I had to put writing on a hold in order to plan the whole plot. And believe me, there were LOTS of things that needed revising. Only when I felt I had a good enough grasp on the whole plot I came back to writing chapter three. At least I know where this is going!

Now, let's go with the story!

I made a Fanart cover: redhothollyberries (put a dot here) tumblr (another dot) com / post / 145751290179

Chapter Three

Naruto hummed softly as he read the mission request, distractedly wrapping a lock of his long blond hair around his finger. A silk merchant from Fire asked for a ninja guard for a double mission - first to go to the Land of Lightning to pick up a load of silk textiles, then to tour the Land of Fire to sell his merchandise.

The Mission Desk Assignment Office was the beating heart of Konoha - and it was a well-oiled machine at that, every cog turning neatly. Clients' request were written down by Admin chūnin, then those forms were turned to Senior chūnin who determined the rank of the mission and gave an estimate of the cost. If the client accepted the fee (and paid the deposit), those same chūnin would write down a mission assignment, which in turn would be reviewed by a Coordinator jōnin. The jōnin would approve it and assign it to the team roster. D-rank and C-rank missions usually weren't assigned to a particular team - it was up to the genin and chūnin teams to choose which one to take (in an 'early bird gets the worm' philosophy). B-rank and A-rank missions, on the other hand, were usually assigned to a particular team, choosing the team most suited for the specifics of the mission.

For Naruto, his Mission Assignment was Hokage training, so he switched between the three jobs depending on his shift, despite his jōnin rank. Tsunade had been adamant that he needed to know how the Village worked inside-out, and she was right. Plus, Naruto liked it - it gave him the chance to get to know every one of Konoha's ninja.

Naruto chewed on the end of his pencil, deep in thought, and glanced at the map of the Five Great Shinobi Nations Map hanging on the wall on his right. Konoha and Iwa 's weren't in a state of barely-hidden hostility anymore, technically - but ninja had long memories, and both sides were unlikely to let grudges from the Third Shinobi War go easily. While the merchant only requested protection against bandits, he had to consider the high chances of meeting aggressive Iwa ninja, and the eventuality of a skirmish. He couldn't send low-ranked ninja in enemy territory, that was for sure.

Naruto looked at the estimated time for the whole voyage: five months. That was a long-ass mission for only one team - but if he rotated three teams, it would become bearable.

Naruto hummed: he could send a jōnin team for the trip to Iwa, have a chūnin team switch with them for the northern selling itinerary of the merchant, then in turn switch them with a genin team for the southern itinerary. While the northern itinerary would skim Rain, Grass, Waterfall and Sound, the southern itinerary was deep into Fire territory, far away from any enemy nation - it sounded like an ideal C mission to get a genin team used to life on the road.

Satisfied, Naruto nodded to himself and penned an answer for the merchant, detailing how his guard would switch throughout the travel and the exact fee for the mission. He debated whether to just put it with all the other answers, to be picked up by the clients themselves in the afternoon at the Hokage tower, or to have the answer delivered directly to the merchant. Then he looked again at figure the he man would be paying for their services, and decided for the latter - considering the size of the mission, the man deserved to be contacted directly.

Naruto touched a seal engraved in a metal plaque on the left corner of his desk, releasing a small burst of chakra. The seal glowed white for a moment, then faded. Naruto rolled up the scroll and looked expectantly at the rear door of the Mission Assignment Room. Less than a minute later the door opened and a chūnin in her mid-twenties entered - her orange armband denoting her as belonging to the Communication Corps - and looked around, trying to guess which of the many Mission Assignment chūnin had called for a courier.

Naruto raised a hand and waved her over. "Here, Inko-san!" The kunoichi headed his way, only to stop abruptly halfway. "Na... Naruto-san?," she asked, her voice wavering in disbelief, her eyebrows halfway up into her hairline. Naruto chuckled, crossing his arms under his breasts to underline their (generous) curve. "Yes, Inko-san?"

He was having a field day, shocking people left and right. It could almost be worth having a period. Almost.

Inko blinked, then flashed her hands into a tiger seal. "Kai!"

Naruto's smile widened into a shit-eating grin. That made five people who had tried the genjutsu dissipation. Not bad for a morning of work.

When nothing changed, Inko stepped forward to his desk, her orange eyes suddenly suspicious. "Why are you a woman, Naruto-san?" Naruto tried to rein in his fox grin and assume an innocent expression. From the way Inko's left eyebrow rose, he wasn't very successful. "I'm just experimenting with my Henge. I have Tsunade-baa-chan's approval." There, throwing his relationship with the Godaime Hokage in was a good way to get people to stop asking him questions.

Inko shook her head in disapproval, but no one could stay irritated at him for long, and eventually she smiled. "Well, I do hope you're not using that to get into the women's side of the bathhouse."

Naruto gripped the left side of his chest as if his heart hurt - or more specifically, his left boob, making the kunoichi laugh. "How could you think something like that of me, Inko-san! I thought we were friends!" Naruto liked Inko, she was funny. Plus, her shaggy black hair had two bright orange streaks in it. How cool was that? Having orange hair?

"Your teacher was the Legendary Pervert, so..." the woman gave another chuckle, then seemed to remember her job and straightened up. "What do you need delivered?," she asked, pulling a notebook and a pencil from her side pouches.

Naruto held out the scroll. "This is for Shiruku Urite, a merchant staying at the Pink Blossom Inn." Inko wrote it down, giving a low whistle. "Rich guy," she commented, taking the scroll and putting it into her shoulder bag with the Communication Corps insignia. Naruto nodded. "Yup, he's a big client."

"Well, I'll deliver this right away, then. Bye Naruto-san!" She waved at him and turned, disappearing into a perfect Shunshin, trademark of the Communication Corps.

Naruto went back to work, inwardly grinning at Inko's accusation - as if he was going to be stuck in female form for a year without reaping at least some benefits. (He could almost imagine Ero-sennin strutting about in the Afterlife, all proud of his pupil.) He was so going to hit Konoha's bathhouses sooner or later to mix with the ladies.

He was going to miss the men's side of the bathhouses, though. He tried to find consolation in telling himself that it would be only for a year. He could survive.

With a chuckle, Naruto wrote down the three mission assignments - a C rank for a genin team, a C rank for a chūnin team and a B rank for a jōnin team. Technically, he shouldn't write those down until the merchant had officially approved his estimate offer, but the man was obviously going to accept anyway, so why not start working ahead?

He re-read the assignments and had an idea. Technically, assigning missions to specific teams wasn't his job - it was the Mission Assignment Coordinator's. However, Naruto had the perfect team in mind for the B rank: Team Sumato was a good tracker team, with a Hyuuga and an Inuzuka. They would be able to spot trouble long before it found them, and with a little luck they would avoid conflict with Iwa ninja completely. Also, all members happened to be in Konoha, Naruto was pretty sure of that.

With a satisfied smile, Naruto wrote 'suggestion: Team Sumato' on the first mission assignment, then rolled up all the three papers and put them in the 'on hold' box behind him. They would most likely be checked by the Mission Assignment Coordinator in the afternoon before being dispatched and assigned.

Naruto twisted on his chair to look up at the big clock hung on the wall behind him. Only ten more minutes and his shift would be over.

He turned back to his desk and fished out another mission request from the (never-ending) pile on the left corner of his desk. As he was starting to read it - an old man requesting a genin team to weed his garden (read as: a retired shinobi was bored and wanted to amuse himself by picking on the youngest generation) - someone entered the Mission Assignment Room by the main door. Someone very green and very loud, accompanied by someone just as green and loud.

"If my youthful pupil can climb the Hokage mountain only with his hands, then I shall accompany him despite my injury to prove my youth!," Naruto overheard Gai saying - well, he wasn't listening in per se, not when the jōnin was pretty much shouting.

Naruto was glad to see that being confined into a wheelchair and having his right leg in a permanent cast didn't do anything to smother Gai's 'power of youth', but the elegantly dressed Mission Desk chūnin who Gai and Lee were approaching didn't seem to agree with him, if Hyō 's comically wide eyes were any clue.

Hopelessly, Hyō tried to make himself as small as possible behind his desk - difficult, considering he was one of the tallest men Naruto knew - and tried to hide his face behind some paperwork he picked in haste.

Naruto tried not to laugh at his colleague's evident panic.

Tried and failed.

Hyō shot him a look, his midnight-blue eyes practically begging Naruto to save him, please, please, he'd do whatever, just save him from the green freaks before they dragged him to run ten laps around Konoha again, please.

Taking pity on the man, Naruto waved at the pair - no, wait, trio, Tenten was there as well. Uh, her presence was always overshadowed by her teammate's and ex-sensei's. "Hey there, Gai-san, Lee, Tenten!" The three ninja waved back and changed course. Hyō looked at Naruto as if he might cry in relief.

'You owe me one,' Naruto silently mouthed Hyō , and the man nodded enthusiastically, his long black hair flying everywhere, before diving back into his paperwork, eager to attract as little attention as possible.

Silently laughing at his co-worker's misery, Naruto moved his attention to his friends - only to find them frozen, looking at him agape. Oh yeah, he had boobs. He kept on forgetting that. Ops.

"Kunoichi-san, are you perhaps related to Uzumaki Naruto?" Lee asked, his eyes shining eagerly - and Gai backed him up: "You look very much like him!"

Behind them, Tenten silently facepalmed.

Well, that was new one.

For a split second, Naruto entertained the idea of pretending to be his long-lost twin sister. She could have a cool backstory, like being kidnapped from Iwa ninja the night they were born, and, and... And being raised by the toads on Mount Myoboku, where they reunited many years later with a great deal of misunderstanding and brotherly love! Yeah, that sounded cool.

Then he thought of what baa-chan would do to him if she heard word of that, and gave up. Chuckling at the idea, Naruto leaned back into his chair and waved his friends over. "Lee, Gai-san, it's me. I'm just under Henge."

Lee sent him a puzzled look, his bushy eyebrows scrunching close. "Why are you pretending to be a woman?," he asked and Gai followed suit, with a serious expression that looked very much out of place on him. "It's not a very youthful endeavour to deceive people like that, Naruto-kun."

Naruto laughed uneasily, rubbing the back of his nape, feeling awkward under their scrutiny. "Peace, peace. I'm not deceiving anyone, I'm just experimenting to see how long I can keep an Henge. It's nothing bad, I swear."

Oh, magic words. Or at least he thought he had said them, for Lee's and Gai's expression immediately morphed into one of approval and pride, their eyes shining. "Testing oneself to overcome one's limits is truly a youthful endeavour indeed!," Lee said, raising a fist in a victory sign, while Gai leaned forward in his wheelchair to take Naruto's hand into his own larger ones, his black eyes bearing into the blonde's. "Please forgive us for jumping to defamatory conclusions, unworthy of any youthful ninja! I shall do three hundred push-ups in shame!"

Naruto blinked, slipping his hand out from Gai's hold. "Uh... Okay? I'm sorry? You're welcome? There... There's really no need to do that...?" Weirded out and feeling really out of his depth, it was Naruto's turn to look at someone else for help. Tenten snorted at his puzzled stare and jabbed Lee in the ribs none too gently - it wasn't as if she would have been able to hurt the taijutsu freak even if she put all her strength in it, anyway. "Lee, don't you have a mission report to give Naruto?"

The younger green-clad shinobi stood to attention, seemingly remembering himself. "Yosh!" Lee fished out a scroll from one of the side pouches of his jōnin vest and handed it to Naruto. "Tokubetsu jōnin Rock Lee, and chūnin Mori Tenten, reporting from a successful B-rank mission!" Lee's fingers drummed a very quick rhythm on his thigh, as if forcing his body to stay still long enough to hand in a report was too much to ask of him. The boy had so much energy it was a pain for him to stand to attention.

"Did you encounter any enemy ninja?" Given that their mission had been to the east of the Land of Fire, Naruto highly doubted it, but protocol demanded he asked. As he expected, Lee answered "No, Naruto-kun!"

"Did anything else of interest happen?" Again, Lee answered negatively, and Naruto dropped his report in the first drawer of the filing cabinet at his right, labelled 'Priority 1 Report Review', to be read later. The two drawers beneath it bore the labels 'Priority 2' and 'Priority 3'. Priority 1 reports were read and filed by the people manning the Mission Desk, while Priority 2 reports were sent to the Intelligence Division. All Priority 3 reports, however, were for the Hokage's eyes only.

Formalities fulfilled, Naruto stood up and joined his friends on the other side of the desk. He didn't like talking to them sitting behind a desk - he was set on not letting his position come between him and his friends. He wouldn't be a Hokage who lived above his people, instead of amongst them as it should be. "How was it? Did you have fun?," he asked, smiling widely.

Tenten snorted, casually bumping her teammate. "It's not as if I had the time to enjoy the sights. You see, someone thought it would be a youthful endeavour to see if he could get to the city of Sentan in under four days."

Lee, under the mistaken impression she had been praising him, puffed his chest out, preening like the peacock he looked like in his green suit. Tenten rolled her eyes at Naruto, look at what I have to live with, and Naruto laughed. "And we did, yosh! Didn't we, Tenten?" Tenten rolled her eyes again, but nodded at Lee, "Indeed."

Tenten stepped close to Naruto and spoke close to his ear, covering her mouth - but her stage-whisper betrayed her words for everyone to hear: "The last day Lee didn't run as much as he ran from me. The ass refused to share his ration bars until we got to the village, and I might have... Snapped. A little bit."

Naruto laughed out loud at that. He could kind of picture the scene, and it was a hilarious one. He wished he could have seen that. "I take that shuriken were involved in the chase?" Tenten grinned, a tad evilly. "You could say that."

Lee smiled and stuck his 'good guy' pose, his caterpillar eyebrows seemingly given a life of their own as they wriggled. "My teammate is a most youthful kunoichi, always training, even when travelling! She never stops practicing her aim!" Naruto's laugh came back with a vengeance, to the point he had to lean back against his desk to stay upright.

Tenten muttered something that sounded awfully like 'why do I even try', but she was smiling. Much like with Naruto, nobody could get truly angry at Lee for long - even if, in Naruto's opinion, that was because Lee was so eager and clueless it made you feel like kicking a puppy. In his case it was more because of his devilishly good looks. (Either that, or Sakura was right and people thought he was 'adorable'. But he refused to accept that.)

Gai beamed at his two ex-students, manly tears running down his cheeks. "I'm so proud of my students! The Power of Youth burns so brightly in all of you!" Lee was moved to just as manly tears by his ex-sensei's praise, and the two hugged - complete with a majestic sunset on the background. For a taijutsu specialist, Gai sure was good at setting that kind of genjutsu without handseals.

Naruto exchanged an awkward glance with Tenten, who just shrugged. Naruto liked Gai and Lee, even if it was kind of exhausting to be their friend, mentally and physically. (However, Naruto didn't fail to notice that Tenten, just like him, was avoiding to look at them. In the many years she spent under her sensei, that sight had probably been seared into her retinas forever.)

Naruto felt the need to change subject. B-rank meant two days of obligatory leave for both Lee and Tenten, so... "Will you be there for our Thursday pub night?," he asked. Bad luck made it so that the two had missed the past four pub nights in a row. 'Konoha's Eleven Gang' made a point to keep in contact as often as possible - after all they had gone through, they were thick as thieves.

Tenten nodded. "Sure! It's been a while." Her grin was a sly one. "Is Kiba still trying to ask Sakura out?"

Before Naruto could answer, Lee emerged from his hug with Gai and butted in, eyes wide and mouth slack in surprise and outrage. "What? That dog is trying to court my delicate cherry blossom!? If he dared to lay even a single finger on her, I'll-"

Laughter bubbled up in Naruto's throat as he gaped, managing to choke on his own spit.

Delicate cherry blossom? Sakura? I-can-kill-you-with-a-punch Sakura? I'm-as-delicate-as-a-dropkick-to-the-face Sakura? Were they even talking about the same person? He didn't know Lee was still after Sakura, that was too precious! He was soooo teasing his teammate to death. (His own, probably, but it would be sooo worth it.)

Thankfully, Gai showed he hadn't earned his jōnin rank without being able to read the atmosphere, and leaned forward in his wheelchair to put a hand on Lee's arm, reprimanding him. "It's not youthful to speak ill of people who are not here to defend themselves, Lee-kun." The newly-minted tokubetsu jōnin calmed down immediately, a serious expression on his face, his overly bushy eyebrows scrunched together. "You are right, Gai-sensei! I shall find Kiba-kun and I challenge him to a duel for Sakura-san's hand!"

Without so much as a bye-your-leave, Lee turned on his heels and ran out of the Mission Desk room, leaving behind a resigned Tenten, an amused Gai and a puzzled Naruto. One never got bored when the ex-Team Ten was involved.

Tenten shook his head, then shrugged. "Whatever. I'm too tired to go after him." She turned towards her ex-sensei. "Shouldn't you follow him?" Gai seemed to ponder the question. "I probably should go cheer his youthful endeavour, yosh," he said, turning his wheelchair to follow after Lee.

"I meant that you should stop him before he does something stupid, sensei," Tenten corrected him, snorting and crossing her arms over her chest. Gai looked back at her and wriggled his eyebrows, giving her a thumbs up. "How could I smother his Power of Youth, yosh?" Naruto wasn't fluent in Gai-speak, but he had strong suspicions that meant the jōnin wanted to have a good laugh at his ex-student's expense.

"As if," Tenten snorted again. Gai's hands went to the wheels of his chair - but then he suddenly seemed to remember something, for he stopped and turned towards Naruto.

"Is my hip rival back in Konoha?," he asked, and Naruto nodded, squashing firmly any improper thoughts about his sensei- no, about Kakashi. He smiled as if nothing was wrong and answered: "Sure. He came back yesterday morning. He'll be in the Village for at least two days." Again, obligatory rest after a B-rank mission.

Gai beamed his white-toothed trademark smile. "Good! It's time I challenge him to a new youthful duel. The score is currently eighty-nine to eighty-five in his favour, and I shall rectify that!" The green-clad jōnin waved at the two and wheeled out of the room. While the man was (obviously) off duty, he often accompanied his ex-students to the Mission Assignment to keep up with their progresses.

Tenten tilted her head at Naruto, smiling. "Well, I'll be off as well. I need a shower, food and a bed." Naruto glanced up at the clock on the wall. Five minutes past one. "My shift is over. Wanna grab something to eat together?"

Tenten hummed, then nodded, uncrossing her arms. "Sure, why not." She grinned at him, poking him in the ribs. "Not ramen, though. I need meat." Naruto pouted at the thought that someone might like any food better than ramen, but he acquiesced easily - he'd had Ichiraku ramen (and lots of it) for dinner just the previous evening, to get over the shock Tsunade had dropped on his head.

Naruto quickly made sure he hadn't left any important document lying around (he hadn't), then checked he still had all his belongings on him, like his precious frog-wallet Gama-chan. Satisfied, Naruto picked up his trademark red haori with black flames from the coat rack and put it on.

He turned to Tenten, smiling. "Shall we go?"

Soon after he finished his meal, Naruto went running.

Running was very important. Naruto would have gone as far as to say that running was fundamental for a ninja, for it was hands down the best way to build up stamina. Ninja were often required to run for hours on end on a mission - and if they happened to be running from someone, a ninja short of breath was a very dead ninja. And aside from being able to run for long periods of time, stamina was important in a fight: if you couldn't beat your opponent by taking them by surprise, outlasting them was the second best way to win a fight.

Naruto knew that very well. Kakashi-sen- Kakashi had been adamant on that, and Jiraiya-sensei even more so. Even if Naruto was gifted with a naturally freaky stamina, he still needed to run like everyone else to keep his muscles fit.

That didn't make running any better in Naruto's book.

Running was important, but Naruto hated running. He hated it with a passion.

Running was soooo boring. There were only so many hours he could spend running before he came to know every inch of the training grounds and the forest surrounding Konoha. It was just soooo boring to run in circles seeing always the same things! At least when he had been travelling with Ero-sennin there was always something new to see! But no, not in Konoha. Damn, he knew every tree and track like the back of his hand by now!

When there was someone running with him it wasn't so bad, because at least he could chat. It wasn't his fault he got bored so easily! When he didn't have anything (or anyone) to distract him, every mile felt like a thousand. And so was that day, for he hadn't found anyone to con into running with him. His favourite running (and sparring) partner, a jōnin named Dansei, was out of the village with his genin team for their first C rank mission, and his second favouritest partner, Sai, was nowhere to be found, the bastard.

Naruto was used to running six or seven miles every two or three days, but that afternoon he stopped only two miles in when he reached training ground twenty-three, giving up when he got so bored he got this close to summoning Gamakichi to run in his stead.

Boredom, however, was only half of the reason he just gave up: his boobs were hurting him.

'Hurting him' as in that for every step he ran, they bounced and on the long run (ah, pun) that hurt. Naruto hadn't thought much about it when he had dressed that morning, for he (obviously) didn't have a bra lying around at home ready to use. As he looked at himself in the mirror, he had only spared one thought about bras, vaguely thinking he'd buy one sooner or later.

Well, that 'sooner or later' had just became a 'sooner rather than later', for he had severely underestimated how uncomfortable big boobs were. He wished he had thought of at least binding them with a spare roll of bandages. Anything would have been more comfortable than feeling them bounce so much.

With a sigh, Naruto massaged the upper part of his breasts, soothing the soreness. Back when he had experimented with his Henge, Ero-sennin had kept him busy with his infiltration training and Naruto hadn't exercised much, making this a completely new discovery.

As Naruto looked around training ground twenty-three - grass and packed earth and a pretty pond - he wondered how Hinata could fight. Or, Kami forbid, Tsunade. But since they did and never once gave sign of being uncomfortable, Naruto imagined it all changed when breasts were properly contained in a bra. Kami, but he wanted one now.

Why had he made his female form with such big boobs? Oh, yeah, they looked good. Hindsight was a bitch. Naruto carded one hand through his long hair, pouting. He couldn't even shift to make them smaller, for Tsunade had forbidden him from changing anything about his Henge. She had said that any change of his Henge would likely reset his biological rhythms and since that morning he had started his month-long check up, she had no intention of starting over again.

Running was out, but Naruto still had to warm up as he waited for Sakura to arrive. With the ease born of long years of training, Naruto fell on all fours and started doing push-ups, his body taut and his muscles coiled like springs as his arms bore his weight up and down.

The exams at the hospital had gone pretty much the way Naruto had imagined. Tsunade had pricked him with needles to get a few blood samples, and told him he would have to submit himself to that once every three days. Joy. She had said she wanted to keep a close watch on his hormone production throughout his cycle. It made sense, he guessed, but that didn't make it any better. He hadn't even gotten a lollipop for his efforts! (He was starting to understand why Kakashi-sen- Kakashi, dammit - hated hospitals.)

When he reached his hundredth push-up, Naruto shifted his weight and bent his left arm behind his back, seamlessly moving to one-armed push-ups. After a set of a hundred, he changed arms and did another hundred with his right arm behind his back.

He had also expected some kind of gynaecological exam, given what the purpose of that farce was. Tsunade had him take his shirt off and lie on his back on a bed, where she palpated his breasts (weird) and his belly (even weirder), her hands glowing green. The feeling of foreign chakra seeping inside him through his flesh had Naruto shivering, feeling sick to the stomach. She had explained that it was just a medic-nin technique that allowed her to 'see' the organs through touch alone - in particular, it had allowed her to see that his womb and ovaries looked healthy, if somewhat atrophied. But considering it was only his second day in female form, it was to be expected - or so she had said. Naruto trusted her.

Finished with his push-ups, Naruto sat on the grass and rolled his shoulders to loosen them. With a huff, he then laid on his back and interwove his fingers behind his nape, mentally beginning to count as he started to do his hundred sit-ups.

The only thing he hadn't expected had been to meet Aishimasu Hyūga, chakra specialist, in the gynaecological ward. Not that he didn't like her - she was a nice woman without any of the (in)famous Hyūga arrogance - but he hadn't expected a chakra check-up. Tsunade had explained she wanted to know more of how his solid Henge worked, though, so it kind of made sense? Aishimasu had studied Naruto's chakra paths with her Byakugan extensively the previous year (when Tsunade had subjected him to a thousand very thorough exams to study his jinchūriki physique, tired of playing pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey whenever she had to heal Naruto), and the Hyūga's perfect memory had allowed her to compare male-Naruto's chakra paths to female-Naruto's ones. The verdict had been that they were a hundred percent identical - not even two identical twins had chakra paths so similar.

Naruto jerked his hips upwards and effortlessly jumped to his feet. Cracking his knuckles, Naruto looked around for a means to test Aishimasu's and Tsunade's hypothesis - that Naruto should be able to use his chakra as if nothing had changed. Back then when he had been fifteen with Jiraiya-sensei he had tried a few jutsu in his female form, but he hadn't tested that thoroughly. (He had been too busy testing other things thoroughly.)

With an amused snort Naruto repressed all memories about his firsts sexual exploits (oh Kami, he had been so young), and headed to the pond. Since there were no trees on training ground twenty-three, he would skip tree-walking and try his hand at water-walking - hoping he got it right on the first try, for he really didn't want to get wet.

Clasping his hands in a ram seal, Naruto focused a steady flow of chakra to in his feet - usually he bypassed the ram seal completely, but as he couldn't be sure his tenketsu would release chakra without hiccups, better safe than sorry. Slowly, he stepped with his right foot on the pond's surface to test the waters (ah, pun again!). Since the sole of his sandal didn't seem to be sinking, he took another step and left the dry ground for good - and would you look at that, the water seemed to hold him without problem.

Naruto took a few cautious steps, taking care not to shift his weight too much. Mh, it seemed good.

Since patience and Naruto went along as well as porcupines and balloons, the blond Uzumaki decided that 'careful' was overrated and did a backflip, still holding the ram seal. He landed squarely on his feet just as if he had done it on dry land, and smirked. Everything was working properly.

He released the ram seal, aaaaaand... Nothing happened. The feeling of his chakra enveloping his feet was exactly the same as always.

Satisfied with himself (his Henge was the best, so of course he could fight!), Naruto preened and looked around, hoping to see Sakura. He really wanted to boast about his skills.

Sadly, there was no Sakura anywhere - he couldn't feel her chakra nearby, either. Hospital duties had probably delayed her. Too bad. He'd have to find something to entertain himself as he waited for her. (He never doubted she wouldn't come. She never missed their weekly sparring match.)

Naruto looked down at his feet, sheathed in blue chakra, barely rippling the water. He shrugged, humming in thought. Revising katas was always good for muscle memory, and doing it on water had the added bonus of testing his instinctive chakra control. If he managed to stay on top of the water even when not actively concentrating on that, it meant that both his chakra control and the way his tenketsu released chakra hadn't changed.

With a smile, Naruto loosened his shoulders and took the starting stance of his kata, right arm guarding his chin and left arm guarding his side, feet evenly spread. He shifted - step, step, punch, low dip, turn, kick, step back. Naruto huffed, imagining an invisible shinobi in front of him, and the best ways to incapacitate him. Step, step, a fast jab, raising his guard to block a possible countermove, a step back, then a high, fast kick that would leave his opponent with a broken jaw at the very least.

Naruto would never be a taijutsu master like Gai or Lee, but his fighting style relied heavily on it. He was most efficient on short range, where he could use his superior speed (thanks dad) and superior strength (thanks Kurama) to pummel the enemy into the ground. Over the years, he had worked on ways to integrate many close-ranged jutsu (thanks again, dad, Rasengan was so cool) into his katas, until they became a seamless part of it, just like punches and kicks.

The result was a taijutsu style that looked like the bastard offspring of a one-night stand between a brawler style and a high-power one, making Kakashi despair over how crude it looked. Naruto just laughed at him, because it worked damn well.

Step, low dip, turn, a Shunshin bringing him behind the invisible opponent's back, a mid-height roundhouse kick snapping out and back without the faintest falter despite the body-flicker. Recover, guard face, guard right flank, jump, kick to the face, sail over the enemy's shoulder, land on a handstand, backflip, foot lashing out as he did, kicking hard. Recover, slide back, slide back, high strike, low strike, block with both forearms, dip low, sweep, jump back. Recover, create a Rasengan in his left hand, sprint, feint with his left hand, kick, guard, sweep, punch the fucker in the stomach with the Rasengan.

Since there wasn't actually anyone to pummel to the ground and Naruto didn't want to waste his awesome Rasengan, he chose to end it with a bang. With a fox grin, Naruto jumped, somersaulted and struck the water fist-first. The Rasengan hit the water as if it were a hard surface, vaporizing a good deal of water and raising a huge wave. Shouting in glee, Naruto managed not to sink underwater and instead leapt off - not quick enough to avoid the waves he himself had raised, though.

Mission 'test chakra control in Henge': a success - not even being drenched to the bone could dent his enthusiasm. Good thing it was spring, and the day was warm. He'd dry soon, hopefully.

Still, he'd had enough of water. He liked his long hair much less, stuck to his face as it was.

Shaking himself like a dog, Naruto went back on dry land, taking off his haori, flak jacket and weapon pouches. He wrought out the former, spreading it out on the grass to dry, then debated what to do with the latter - the flak jacket was way too thick to wring out. He checked the pockets, and was satisfied to see that the impervious seals he had put inside of them had worked well - scrolls, wallet, everything was dry. Same thing for the weapon pouches. (Nothing irked ninja more than a rusty kunai.)

With a shrug, he set jacket and pouches on the grass to dry, staying in his long-sleeved black shirt and orange pants. The bandages wrapped around his right forearm were soggy and itchy, but Naruto couldn't take them off - that arm's skin was too delicate to be left exposed in a sparring match.

Talking about his body... Look at that, the wet cloth stuck to his breasts like a second skin, outlining their smooth curve. He could even see his perked nipples underneath the black fabric!

He brushed one - and when a delightful shiver ran down his spine, he snapped his hand back.

Bad Naruto, bad. You're training, here. So not the time for that.

In that precise moment, a voice called out to him. "Hello Naruto!"

Trust Sakura to always be able to track him when he was having perverted thoughts.

Naruto spun on his feet to face her. He hadn't sensed her coming, for his training bout had taken his complete attention. He was somewhat decent at chakra sensing but he wasn't strong enough for it to be a passive skill: he had to actively concentrate to sense people. "Hello Sakura-chan!"

Sakura waved at him, foregoing walking by taking a few chakra-enhanced jumps that brought her right in front of Naruto. "Sorry I'm late, I've had a very stressful-" The words seemed to die in her mouth as she looked at Naruto, taking in his state. Something told Naruto it wasn't his drenched clothes and dripping hair that shocked her so.

Sakura's green eyes slowly raked Naruto's body from hair to toes, making him feel very uncomfortable.

"I... I can explain?," he tried, shifting awkwardly.

Sakura frowned, glaring at him as if his change of sex personally offended her. And who knew, maybe it did. She was his best friend, but sometime Naruto really couldn't understand her.

"Why are you a woman, Naruto? Is this a new version of your perverted jutsu?," she asked, her voice calm, almost relaxed - but her creepy smile and her raised fist belied that. Naruto took a cautious step back, keeping an eye on her hands. She may have looked beautiful and small and feminine, but Naruto had seen her slam a man through a wall with but a flick of her fingers.

"I swear I'm not! It's not my Sexy jutsu, it's just my Henge!" She didn't look convinced, raising an eyebrow and - more threateningly - her other fist, so he pointed at his clothes. "See, I'm wearing real clothes! I don't have clothes when I do my Sexy jutsu, do I-ayeeee!" No, he most certainly did not squeal like a little girl. That was a manly scream of fear - a perfectly natural reaction to Sakura taking a step forward and swinging a punch at him.

Naruto evaded her fist with a backflip, landing on a handstand and propelling himself further back and away from Sakura with another jump. If she had really meant to pummel him into the ground she wouldn't have had any problems following him - but as she didn't, he took it that she wasn't on a rampage (yet).

"Naruto, you're wearing a wet shirt and I can see your nipples. You'd better find another argument." Naruto looked down at his chest. Oh. Right. The only way it could have been worse was if it'd been a white shirt. Still, he covered the incriminated part with his hands, huffing at Sakura. "Stop looking at my boobs!"

Sakura snorted in a very unlady-like fashion, cracking her knuckles. "Naruto..." She said threateningly, and he raised his hands in surrender. "Alright, alright! I'm a woman because I'm experimenting with my solid Henge. Tsunade-baa-chan wants to study it to see the effects on the body, and see how long I can keep it, and all that. If you don't believe me, ask her! I have her permission!" That was the official cover-up story, at least, and he was sticking to it.

Sakura blinked, lowering her fists. "Solid henge? You can make a solid henge? I didn't know that!" Animosity apparently forgotten, she stepped forward and they were again in normal-friend-speaking range. Naruto, glad that the shitstorm had passed, let her, and answered easily, kind of proud of his skills. "Yup! I've always been able to do it, actually. It can be pretty handy!"

Sakura's left eyebrow rose, and she nibbled on her bottom lip. She always did that when confronted with a puzzle whose pieces didn't fit. "But that's a A-ranked jutsu, and you suck at genjutsu," she said, not mocking him, just stating the truth. She was smart, though, and she already had all the pieces she needed to get to the right conclusion.

"Kitsune are said to be shapeshifters," she said out slowly, as if giving him the chance to correct her. He didn't.

He wasn't ashamed of Kurama, he could never be - the overgrown fox was his friend, and he could never be ashamed of a friend. But he was uneasy with how different being a jinchūriki made him. His whiskers, his strength, his overdeveloped senses, his shapeshift-like Henge, his fox-like traits... He wasn't ashamed per se, but they somehow made him feel less human. He had always been self-conscious about his humanity, and that only had grown tenfold ever since the Fourth Shinobi War and his time as Sage of the Six Paths.

Sakura, bless her heart, seemed to realize it was a sore topic for him, and let it drop. Instead, she let the medic-nin in her out and asked "So, what are the effects of a solid Henge? I'm pretty sure Kakashi-sensei and Kurenai-san can do it, but I never saw them."

Naruto shot her a grateful look, to which she answered with a tiny smile. Really, how could he hope for a better friend? "My Henge physically makes me a woman. Outside..." he pointed at his boobs "...and inside," he said, patting his belly.

Sakura lightened up at that, clapping her hands together, looking like a little girl with a new, shiny toy. "Oh, that's so interesting! Tsunade-shishou put you through a complete medical check, I imagine? What did she say? What else changed? Is your chakra the same? How long can you keep this up? And-"

Naruto laughed and held up his hands, stopping her rain of questions. "Wow, calm down! Geez, you're as bad as baa-chan." He rubbed the back of his nape, smiling. "I'm one hundred percent a woman, through and through. Baa-chan thinks it takes about a fifth of my chakra just to keep it up."

Sakura's eyes widened at that, and Naruto grinned at her surprise, his awkwardness fading in the face of her enthusiasm. "Yup, it's kind of draining. I don't think anyone but me could keep it up for long. I, on the other hand, can keep it going as long as I want. It's not a genjutsu, you can't dispel it - only I can undo it." Yes, he was boasting. No, he had no intention to stop. Yes, he was awesome like that.

"How long have you been in Henge? It can't be more a day or two, or the whole Village would know it." Naruto laughed awkwardly at that, rubbing the back of his nape. The years of people calling him 'demon' behind him back had left him hating gossip. There was no escaping it, though.

"Since yesterday afternoon," he answered. "This morning baa-chan ran a few tests - you know, blood tests, a complete physical exam, that kind of thing." And a gynaecological exam, but he wasn't going to tattle on that." She had Hyūga Aishimasu check my chakra pathways. She said that they're absolutely unchanged, and that I could probably do ninjutsu without any problems." He pointed at the swamp behind his shoulders, then at his drenched clothing. "While I was waiting for you I tried a few katas to see if that was true."

Sakura raised an eyebrow in a haughty way that she was bound to have learnt from Sasuke. "And you went from katas to drowning yourself how…?" Naruto grinned like the fox he housed. "Rasengan!," he answered cheerily.

Sakura's eye went from Naruto to his wet clothes laid to dry to the pond, and her voice was intrigued. "Did you nebulise the water or did you just raise a big wave?"

"Both!" was Naruto's enthusiastic answer. Sakura hummed, crossing her arms and tapping a finger on her elbow. "Would you be able to vaporize enough water to create mist?"

Naruto cocked his head sideways, pondering. "Probably, I guess. Why?"

"Do you remember that jutsu Zabuza Momochi used in our first C-rank? Hiding in the mist technique?"

Trust Sakura to remember what jutsu a Kiri nin had used against them seven years ago. "Nope, but I can guess from the name. You want me to try something like that?"

Sakura nodded, a speculative look on her face. She might not have been a genius like Shikamaru, but she was damn smart: throughout the years she had come up with pretty neat ideas, and Naruto didn't doubt that if someone could find a way replicate a Kiri jutsu, that would be Sakura. "Sure, I'll try one day and I'll tell you how it goes." It had been the first time they had seen their sensei's Sharingan, now that he thought about it. Which meant… "Tell you what, I'm pretty sure Kakashi-san copied it that day! I'll ask him to help me out with it."

He inwardly preened at remembering not to call him 'sensei'. Tsunade had been adamant he stopped - she had said that if Naruto really wanted to go along with his plan, he needed Kakashi to recognize him as a peer, and calling him 'sensei' kind of negated that. He understood that: two jōnin could stand on equal ground, teacher and student didn't.

Sakura looked puzzled at the change of honorific on Naruto's part. Naruto saw her opening her mouth, likely to inquire about it, and shook his head resolutely - he didn't want to talk about it. Sakura blinked, puzzled. Then she hummed, rubbing her lips with the back of a finger, observing him with a considering look. Eventually, she let the matter drop and came back to the main subject at hand. "So, you've got a uterus?" Thank you, Sakura.

"Yup."

"Can you get a period?"

"Yup. I discovered that when I was fifteen and I stayed in this form for more than a month." The memory had him grimacing. Ugh. And he had volunteered to go through that again. Sasuke was right, he was a masochist.

"Is a month the longest you've been like that?"

"Yes. I switched back when I fucking started bleeding." His disgust must have been obvious, for she laughed. "Yeah, I imagine that must have been a shock," she said in sympathy. Then: "Can you get pregnant?"

Naruto swallowed, trying for indifference. "Probably? I mean, it's not like I actively tried- " Yet. "-but it would make sense." He wasn't second-guessing his choice, he really wasn't, but talking about it made him feel vaguely nauseous. It had been his idea, and he was set on seeing it through, he didn't want to talk about it out loud until he had come to terms with it.

On the wake of that question, Naruto almost saw the cogs moving in Sakura's head and stopped her before she could voice any questions about his sexual life in female form. He was so not going there, so he abruptly changed the subject with all the subtlety he was capable of: "Can we spar? I tried to keep my body as close as to my male one as possible, but there are still some differences, and I want to see if they have any effect on my fighting, so can we spar? Please?" Unimpressed with his babbling, Sakura raised an eyebrow, silently calling him on his bullshit, and he upped the ante by giving her the puppy-dog eyes. With a sigh and an eyeroll, Sakura gave in.

"Alright, let's fight. Just so you know, you're freakishly tall for a woman, Naruto. You might have wanted to be a little shorter to blend in better," she said, taking a few steps back and taking her fighting stance.

Relieved, Naruto mirrored her, pushing a rebellious lock of long blond hair behind his ear. "You don't want to warm up first?," he asked, but she shook her head. "I ran all the way here from the hospital, that's warm up enough today." Since the hospital was on the opposite side of the Village from training ground twenty-three, Naruto conceded her point.

He hadn't been kidding when he had said he wanted to test how much that different body affected his fighting. He already noticed that his centre of gravity was lower and he supposed his flexibility as a woman ought to be better, but he wasn't sure. "Taijutsu only?," he asked, and she nodded, slipping on her fighting gloves.

Naruto grinned, adrenaline pumping through his veins. He so loved a good spar. He steadied his stance, distancing his feet and squaring his shoulders. With an arrogant smirk, Sakura beckoned him with a finger - and who was Naruto to deny her?

Without warning, he sprinted towards her at top speed - yet she was ready for him, for when his right fist lashed out in a jab, she side-stepped him easily and rewarded him with a punch of her own to the kidneys. Sakura never went all-out in their spars, but she didn't hold back either - meaning that being hit by her, instead of simply killing you on the spot, only hurt about as much as being hit by a bijudama. Not eager to taste that, Naruto blocked the blow and pivoted on his right foot, aiming a roundhouse kick at her with his other foot.

Sakura ducked below the kick and striking his leg right on a nerve. A burning line of fire shot up from his leg right up to his brain, and Naruto grunted - damn, that hurt! - as he jumped away.

"You're not doing a good job at defending your kunoichi's honour," Sakura mocked him, her hands on her hips like a teacher berating a child. Naruto blew some hair off his face, giving an offended whine before launching himself at her again - but as he poised to attack her with a blatant punch, he instead disappeared from in front of her to reappear in a smokeless Shunshin behind her. She turned in time to block his strike with her forearm, but it was a near thing, and she grimaced - Naruto didn't pull his punches.

Sakura countered, aiming for the side he had left uncovered, but he anticipated her blow and caught her fist in his hand, gripping it tight and sending her flying over his head. She recovered mid-air and landed on all fours. She pretended to stand up, then dipped low again and swept her leg in a low arc - right where Naruto's legs used to be, but he did a backflip right in time, jumping above her extended leg and kicking Sakura in the shoulder as he was at it, sending her tumbling backwards from her unstable position.

Naruto landed on his feet with a grimace. "Oh Kami, my boobs are killing me." Jumping and uncontained breasts didn't go along.

Sakura snapped on her feet and laughed. "I bet! Why are you not wearing a bra?" She didn't waste any time and took the initiative, rushing at him.

Naruto grunted, side-stepping her and her dangerous punches. "Of course I'm not! I didn't have any at home!" He blocked a low kick with his leg and retaliated with a jab.

They had perfected the art of verbal sparring during actual sparring matches. "Then after this spar I'm taking you shopping," Sakura promised without skipping a beat, diverting Naruto's punch somewhere beside her head, taking advantage of his unguarded flank to score a hit.

Naruto 'oof'-ed as all air left his lungs. A roundhouse kick had Sakura jumping back, leaving him room to breathe, both physically and metaphorically. "Thank Kami! I've come to hate boxers." He used both hands to push his hair behind his ears with a quick flip, then went at her with a quick series of strikes.

Sakura's guard was good, for she deflected or parried all his hits. "You're wearing boxers?" She slipped sideways to escape his barrage, aiming at his undefended back.

"Well, it's not like I had anything else at home!" Naruto was just as quick, jumping away, turning in mid-air to keep her in sight - but he stumbled halfway through, having misjudged how the weight was shifted in his new body.

"You really need some new underwear!" Sakura was quick to spot his mistake and jumped right at him - airborne as he was, he could do only so much to twist out of her way, and they collided heavily, forearm against forearm and shin against shin, before both jumping backwards.

"Yup," Naruto agreed as a burst of speed brought him into Sakura's range. He deflected her defensive punch with an arm, twisting his torso, and hit her in the stomach with his other elbow, hard enough to make her double over. A Sakura in pain was a dangerous Sakura - and yup, he skipped back right in time to avoid a punch that cracked the earth.

Naruto shook his head, jerking it to swing his hair back where it belonged. "Waa, I hate my hair. It keeps on getting in my face." With a groan, he dropped his stance and slipped off the elastic-band with his hitai-ate, feeling safe in knowing that Sakura wouldn't attack him with his guard down. "You had long hair when we were kids. How could you stand to fight with it?" He used his fingers to comb his long - too long - hair into submission, then slipped the elastic band back on, hoping it would keep his hair in check. As if. "You know, this morning in the mirror I thought it looked pretty cool. Now I just want to cut it with a kunai and be done with it!"

Sakura chuckled, arms crossed over her chest, amused. "Why don't you do it, then?"

Naruto shot an envious look at her reasonable hair - it barely brushed her chin, while Naruto's reached past his shoulder-blades - and shook his head. "Tsunade-baa-chan forbid me from shifting into another henge or to change this one in any way. She said it could mess with her exams and she didn't want to risk it."

Sakura hummed at that, and rummaged in the single pouch tied to the black obi of her red quipao dress, fishing out a black tie. "I have a spare hair-band, if you want."

Naruto perked up at that, and bounced up to her, taking it with gratefulness. "Thank you! You're a saviour!" He collected his hair and clumsily tied it off - and oh!, the wonder, it finally stayed out of his way!

Sakura laughed at his eager smile, then took an aggressive stance. "Ready?"

Naruto grinned, cracking his knuckles. "I was born ready!"

The day had been very pleasant, as far as spring days in Konoha went: sunny, warm, the smell of plants sprouting and flowers blossoming thick in the air, birds coming home to nest after a long winter.

But as evening approached and the sky darkened, the low sun staining the horizon red and orange, Kakashi's nose told him that the pinkish, puffy clouds being shepherded across the sky would bring a heavy downpour in a few hours - likely before midnight.

Kakashi's quiet thoughts about how he hated being rained on were interrupted by Gai's voice, recalling him to the present. Kakashi blinked, averting his eyes from the blue sky to his green-clad friend. "Mh? You said something?," Kakashi drawled, voice thick with indolent laziness. His posture reflected the same feeling, slouched - almost sprawled - on the wooden bench, one elbow on the handrest, palm supporting his chin. For once, it wasn't faked to purposefully grate on people's nerves: it was a good day, and Kakashi honestly felt entitled to laze around.

"I said that I am indeed catching up to you, my hip rival. Eighty-six to eighty-nine!" Gai bragged, raising two fingers in a victory sign. The corner of Kakashi's mouth twitched upward in amusement - not that anyone could see it underneath his mask.

"Maa, are you, now? I do still have the lead, you know," Kakashi said, his tone dry. The sarcasm dripping from every word would have made anyone else bristle in irritation, but Gai knew him better than that, and seemed to take it for what it was meant to be - acknowledgement, in Kakashi's personal, socially-inept way.

The two jōnin were sitting side by side on a bench in the centre of a small square, under a majestic oak tree. Or, more accurately, Kakashi was sitting on said bench, while Gai was sitting in his wheelchair next to him. Above their heads, the oak spread its branches over the whole square, brushing the rooftops of the shops fronting onto the square.

Only a few hours before, Kakashi had been enjoying the afternoon sun reading a book perched on a rooftop in the South District, comfortably nestled between two chimneys - one of his favourite spots. Having spent the previous week on a mission on the border between Fire and fucking Rain, he felt entitled to soak up as much sunlight as he could before he was sent off again. (If he didn't go to sleep with his underwear sopping wet ever again, it would still be too fucking soon. Kakashi hated rain.)

Obviously, hiding away in one of his secret spots was not enough to keep Gai off his tail, and the man had somehow found him despite being unable to physically get to the rooftops. Not one to be undone by such trivial things like being bound to a wheelchair, Gai had pelted Kakashi with pebbles (with impressive accuracy, given that Gai couldn't even see him from the road) until the latter had just given up and had come down from his perch to see what he wanted.

Unsurprisingly, Gai had nagged him about their challenge, until Kakashi had - once again - given in. There was no one else with the same ability to wear him out with constant pestering until he would do pretty much anything just to make them stop. Except maybe Naruto.

Has anyone ever told you your tenacity can be a bit intimidating?, Kakashi had quipped, to which Gai had just laughed and honestly answered: Yes, every day of my life since first grade at the Academy.

That was how they had ended up in that square - or better, at the bakery that faced the square where Gai had challenged Kakashi to an eating contest. Kakashi hadn't appreciated the subtle jab at his thinness - he wasn't underfed, what he ate was his business and his alone! - but he had still gone along with Gai's dare. They had gotten an equal number of pastries (salty for Kakashi, sweet for Gai) and the eating contest was on.

Gai had won, to absolutely no one's surprise. Two hours later, the two had yet to move from their bench.

No matter how loudly Kakashi complained, he wouldn't change how things were between them for all of Lightning's tea. For all Gai's harassing and Kakashi's apparent irritation, the green-clad jōnin always knew when to press and when not to - when Kakashi was in a truly dark mood, Gai never insisted. Actually, their dramatics were part of the game: Gai would find him, harass him and follow him around until either Kakashi capitulated or lead him on a merry chase - both outcomes were just as fun for everyone involved.

Their dynamic reflected much of them: Gai had always been the one to push forward no matter what, while Kakashi... Kakashi was the one always trying to swim against the tide - and failing. It had been so ever since the Academy - through the years, Kakashi had only learnt to lose with more grace.

Actually, so much was still like the Academy, even now, after twenty-eight years. Except for a few notable people missing, everyone left still bore so much resemblance to their bratty selves.

"You know, I just realized," Kakashi looked back up at the moon, already high in the sky and becoming more and more visible as the sky turned from blue to indigo, "I'm right back where I started, I guess."

Gai made a noncommittal noise beside him, half curious, half expectant. "What do you mean, my esteemed rival?"

Kakashi hummed, his voice even. "I mean, you know... Before." Before everything happened. Before so many things Kakashi would be hard pressed to list them all. Before most of his life happened, actually. "No Sharingan, no team... It's as if nothing's changed." He raised a hand to the scar bisecting his left eye, but he tore it away as if his own touch burnt.

A warm hand gripped his shoulder, and Kakashi tore his eyes from the moon to look at his long-term friend, blinking. "You still got me," Gai said, his smile still as strong as ever.

"I had you before."

"Yeah, and you still got me. Nothing's changed."

Kakashi reeled at that, inhaling sharply, his body going rigid for a long, long second. He hadn't expected Gai to agree with him - but then again, Kakashi's genius did not apply on people. Not the people close to him, at least, and certainly not when emotions were concerned. Feelings gave him hives. And they ruined his mask as an asshole.

Kakashi sank back against the backrest of the bench, not bothering to shrug off Gai's hand, once more looking up at the ink-stained evening sky. "I guess I do."

Suddenly, Kakashi felt the burning need to be alone. Suddenly, even Gai's reassuring presence became grating on his fraying nerves, making him feel guilty in sight of all Gai had done for him.

Gai squeezed his shoulder once more in silent support, then moved his hands to the wheels of his chair, obviously intending to leave. Kakashi felt a pang of... Of something, something between relief and unease. Relief because Gai was silently granting him the solitude he suddenly craved, unease because as much relief it brought him, he felt ill that someone could read him so well... Especially when Kakashi couldn't return the favour half the time. In his eyes, it only cemented the opinion that Gai got the short end of the deal in their friendship.

Gai was none the wiser, though. "Now, my esteemed rival, I shall take my leave. I promised my most youthful students I would join them for dinner - they just came back from a B-rank today, you know, and they want to tell me all about it."

While inwardly sighing in relief at the change of subject and mood, outwardly Kakashi rolled his eyes at his friend's boasting - seriously, if the man preened only a bit more, he'd be doing a wheel like a peacock. It was only a B-rank mission, what was there to be smug about? His students had stopped the end of the world. (Kakashi himself may or may not have kind of kick-started it, but that was totally beside the point.)

"I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of Naruto and Sakura telling me about their last success," Kakashi quipped back gleefully, not bothering to stand up as he waved his friend off. Boasting about one's students was a long-standing tradition of jōnin sensei everywhere - and really, one was the Hokage's Assistant, while the other was the Head Medic's Assistant. That beat a puny B-rank mission so hard.

Kakashi had expected Gai to suddenly become selectively deaf - as he always did whenever Kakashi lorded his obvious superiority on the matter over him - but instead the green-clad jōnin just burst out laughing, his frame shaking so much he had to stop pushing the wheels.

Kakashi blinked at him, reeling. Was there some joke he had missed? After a few long seconds, Gai got himself under control and waved cheerily at the Hatake, a huge shit-eating grin on his face. Worry crept up Kakashi's spine. "Say hello to Naruto-kun for me, my hip rival!" With an enthusiastic thumbs-up, Gai left, leaving behind a dumbfounded Kakashi.

Definitely some kind of joke. What had Naruto done this time? Why did he feel like this prank of his would come and bite him in the ass?

Damn, it never bode for Kakashi well when Gai got one on him.

With a sigh, the veteran jōnin pushed himself on his feet, brushing a few wayward crumbles from the pastries off his clothes. As he was off-duty, he had foregone the more militaristic parts of his usual ensemble - such as hitai-ate, steel-backed gloves, jōnin flack vest and weapon pouch (not that he didn't have a few kunai well hidden on his person. A ninja never went unharmed anywhere, ever) - leaving him with a navy-blue long-sleeved shirt and black trousers, for once free of bindings. And his ever-present mask, of course.

Humming softly, Kakashi headed in the opposite direction Gai had taken. Tucking his hands into his pockets, Kakashi let his feet carry him, roaming aimlessly through the streets of Konoha's Commercial District. His mind kept on going back to the exchange with Gai, regardless of Kakashi's efforts to herd his thoughts elsewhere.

Twenty-eight years had passed since he had graduated from the Academy. Twenty-eight. He had been five, little more than a freak trying to tread in the too-big footsteps of his father. They had called him a genius, given him a headband, and asked him to kill for his Village.

Not that he wasn't a genius, because he was.

But he also was never given a choice not to be, since his mother's death had left Kakashi alone in Sakumo's care. Oh, his father had loved him alright, but had had no idea how to raise a kid, and in his ignorance he had connected with him the way he did with his genin team - by training him. The joke about ninja babies teething on kunai had been very true in Kakashi's case.

How could Kakashi not be physically fit enough to be admitted into the Academy at four when he had learnt to walk by practicing taijutsu kata, when he had learnt coordination by throwing shuriken, when he had learnt to hold a brush by writing kanji? Heck, for all he knew his first word might have been 'ninja' or 'duty', instead of 'dad'.

And now, after twenty-eight years of service in Konoha's ninja corps, Kakashi's mind and body were paying the price for his genius. He couldn't quite remember what it felt like not to have any part of his body bitching at him - wounds both old and new took perverse pleasure in making sure Kakashi didn't forget about them.

As if on cue, he spotted a little girl running at full tilt towards him, regardless of innocent bystanders. Wishing to avoid a collision, Kakashi sidestepped - and his left side forcibly reminded him he had been stabbed between two ribs only two weeks before. The wound was pretty much healed and the occasional pang of pain wasn't enough to actually distract him while on a mission, but still, it wasn't nice.

Around him, people went about their business in twos and threes as night fell. Fellow ninja glanced at him once before looking away - civilians didn't even acknowledge his presence that much, their eyes passing over him as if they couldn't even see him.

Shops owners were closing down their shops, ready to go home to their families, while the establishments providing food, drinks and entertainment catered to the needs of both civilians and off-duty ninja. As the world darkened, Kakashi watched with detached interest as strings of lanterns were lit up and hung on the façade of restaurants and bars, matching the bright light and cheer coming from their windows.

Kakashi shivered, suddenly regretting not taking a jumper or a jacket - spring days might be warm, but spring nights were downright chilly. The evening air was chill and humid, and he could already feel a plethora of old wounds acting up - like his left ankle, shattered by a senbon when he was twenty-seven, or his right knee, broken with a vicious kick when he was seventeen and then again at twenty-eight, or his right shoulder, popped one time too many and with the bad habit of dislocating randomly, or...

Kakashi shook his head, snorting. There he was, going over the long list of his aches like an old man. It wasn't as if he could do much about them, aside from drawing himself a hot bath and having a long soak as soon as he came home.

Thing was, Kakashi was tired. He was tired all the time, these days. It wasn't only his body, it was a kind of tiredness that ate at his soul just as much. He felt heavy, weary, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread. He was growing old, and there was no denying it - at thirty-three, he was officially past him prime. Not in any way done, no - Sharingan-no-longer Kakashi was not going to retire any time soon, but still...

A sneeze caught Kakashi by surprise, almost making him stumble. Sniffling, he rubbed his nose through the mask, only to sneeze once more. And again. And again. Damn cold. With each sneeze, his hair - free of the hitai-ate keeping it back - brushed his eyes, itching. With a grunt, Kakashi brushed his unruly silver bangs back - only for it to fall back right back onto his face. Damn, a haircut was long overdue.

Alright, too much was too much: it was high time to beat a tactical retreat home to a hot bath.

Kakashi looked around Kabuki Street, taking in the many restaurants fronting onto the road he was walking. Did he feel like eating? A warm meal sounded appealing, but he had stuffed his face with pastries only a few hours earlier. After a long moment of council with his stomach, Kakashi decided he wasn't hungry enough.

Happy with his decision, Kakashi turned on his heel to head towards his apartment in the North District - but he halted in mid-motion when his fine hearing caught on a familiar laughter up ahead.

His hearing was second only to his sense of smell, which made Kakashi perfectly able to tell any of his friends' voice apart from the noise of a crowd. If the wind had been in his favour, he would have likely smelled Naruto even before hearing his trademark boisterous laugh.

Logically, Kakashi knew that Konoha was home, and that no harm would befall on his ex-student, but... He had been living with his paranoia long enough to know when he couldn't win. Kakashi could go for a month without seeing one of his precious people without problems, but then something would randomly trigger his bond with that person and he would suddenly feel the desperate need to see them, to make sure they were alright.

There was no reasoning with that irrational worry - if he didn't give in and check in on them, even a quick glance, he would get worked up on his worry until he felt physically sick.

A second, more feminine voice joined Naruto's, and all feeble efforts to fight his paranoia crumbled to ash. Not one, but both of his beloved minions - students, he meant students - weren't far, and he hadn't checked on either of them for quite a while. Naruto and Sakura wouldn't even see him, after all - he would just creep close, make sure that they were alright, assuage his paranoia and walk away, without even needing to talk with them. It would take only a few seconds, then he could go home in peace. Kakashi nodded to himself, satisfied with his plan. Nobody needed to know.

From that distance and with all the white noise of the crowd Kakashi couldn't understand a word of what was being said, but he could tell that they were at ease and that they were up ahead, somewhere on his right, moving in the same direction he had been. If he remembered right, there was a secondary street intersecting Kabuki Road just after the dango shop on his right - and correctly enough, a few seconds later he spotted a blond and a pink head appearing there.

Hiding in the shadows, Kakashi leaned against the building on his left and drew himself up, taking advantage of his taller-than-average height to keep an eye on Sakura and Naruto - who, he noticed, were in the company of a kunoichi with ash-blond hair, likely Yamanaka Ino.

Looking at their backs from that distance, Kakashi could tell that they were enjoying a stroll, their gait bouncy but not hurried, just as he could tell from their clothes that all three were obviously off-duty.

Any other day, that glance from afar would have been enough to placate Kakashi's paranoid worries and he would have left to go home without further inquiry - but not that evening.

That evening, Naruto was wearing a dress, and Kakashi's mind screeched to a halt.

Actually, in kind of a contorted way, it was perfectly logical for Naruto to wear a dress - because the boy had changed gender and was now a woman.

The veteran jōnin blinked thrice in rapid succession, glad his mask hid his bewildered expression. But no, it wasn't a trick of the eye: even from behind it was clear Naruto was wearing a dress. An orange dress, with tight-fitting, knee-length black trousers underneath it. And when Naruto turned towards Ino as he (she?) talked to the Yamanaka, Kakashi caught a glimpse of a very generous pair of breasts.

What.

Just... What.

Kakashi sighed slowly through his nose, feeling a headache coming. What had Naruto gotten into?

Equally curious and worried - it was Uzumaki Naruto they were talking about - Kakashi couldn't just leave it at that. He jumped on the roof of the dango shop and followed the trio from above, hiding in the shadows while drawing all his chakra tightly within himself - while not as good as Kushina had been, Naruto was still a chakra sensor, and Kakashi didn't want his student to spot him.

His shinobi mind looked at the three (two plus one?) kunoichi and recognized three threats. That same cold, logical part of him told him that if he wanted to subdue them, he would have to strike suddenly and silently to kill the stronger one, take advantage of the confusion and just as swiftly take care of the others. The ANBU in him was sure he could defeat two out of three in a head-on battle, but also knew that the third would likely wipe the floor with him if he met him (her?) in an all-out fight. His shinobi mind never took risks if he could avoid them - that was how it had kept Kakashi alive.

Kakashi's human mind, on the other hand, saw three friends walking leisurely down the road, with Sakura and Ino on either side of Naruto, all three carrying bags and looking none the wiser about their stalker (he would have chided them about their awareness... But then again, not many ninja were as paranoid as Kakashi inside Konoha's own walls). They were chatting amicably - from that distance, Kakashi could catch little snippets of conversation, and gathered that Ino was talking about her latest conquest, with Naruto and Sakura either laughing at the poor sod's expense or making sarcastic comments.

Kakashi kept pace with the three from the roofs, memorizing everything - he may not have had a Sharingan anymore, but he knew what to look for and how to analyze details. Under that dress, Naruto was obviously a woman, though he (she?) still bore much resemblance to his (her?) male body - same stature, same muscle mass, very similar features. Why was he (she? Damn, it was getting irritating) a woman, though? And how?

In the space of a second, his mind quickly considered and discarded every possible scenario. Was it a more civilized version of his (in)famous sexy no jutsu? Wearing clothes kind of negated the point of it, and there weren't any men to use it on. Plus, he knew Sakura absolutely hated it when Naruto used his (alright, he was going to stick to masculine until proven otherwise) female body for shock value: since she wasn't punching the daylights out of him, there likely wasn't any sexual motive involved.

It was a regular henge, then. Why would Naruto want people to see him looking like a woman? Did he lose a bet with someone - like Inuzuka Kiba? The two were always daring each other to do stupid things. But no, Kakashi quickly abandoned the idea: if it had been the payment of a lost bet, Naruto would have looked ashamed or at least embarrassed at being forced to parade as a woman for everyone to see against his will.

No, he looked perfectly comfortable, his body relaxed - as if he wasn't even aware his body was different. Was it a genjutsu that made him look like a woman to other people but not to him? No, Sakura and Ino wouldn't have stood for that. That meant he really was comfortable in a female body.

…Was it a prank?

Most likely. Naruto's pranks had subsided after he had made genin, but had most certainly not stopped. Kakashi himself had been on the receiving end of his fair share - and got caught in quite a few as well, veteran jōnin or not.

Kakashi didn't even want to try and guess who the prank was for. He really didn't want to know... Unless he himself was the target.

Damn, now he was worried. He couldn't be sure he wouldn't be somehow included. Alright, better break the hold Naruto's henge had on him, then. It was likely a wide-scope genjutsu, one that projected the image of female-Naruto in the mind of everyone around him. It wouldn't be hard to break, especially considering Naruto's skills in genjutsu. Maybe Sakura and Ino had already broken free and to their eyes Naruto was his usual boy self.

Kakashi stopped, closing his eyes as he clasped his hands in a tiger seal, inwardly compelling the chakra flow in his body to freeze. He held it still for a moment, then- "Kai!," he whispered, making his chakra surge and flow as fast as he could without releasing it outside his body. His dark grey eyes snapped open, and looked down at the street to see... To see that Naruto was still a woman.

What?

His genjutsu dissipation was good - in the past it had broken with ease any illusion genjutsu-dumb Naruto had thrown at him.

Kakashi gritted his teeth, resuming his stalking in the shadows. He hadn't known Naruto could do a solid henge! That was something he could do, and few others. Why hadn't he known? Damn, a Sharingan would be very useful right about now. For a split second, he missed Obito's eye fiercely.

He could throw a projectile at Naruto to disrupt the solid henge through pain and shock, but Kakashi didn't want to reveal himself just yet - and despite what his paranoid mind was telling him, Naruto wasn't actually doing anything harmful. Yet.

Another possibility came at him, and Kakashi's guts froze with unease. He had been operating under the assumption that it was Naruto under that henge, but what if it wasn't him?

He moved as close as he dared to, enhancing his sense of hearing and smell to the best of his abilities - and his best was pretty damn good, for he hadn't been ANBU's best tracker for six years by chance.

Ino seemed to be talking about Shikamaru and Gaara's sister. "Who cares about a kiss? Call me if they grab each other's asses! And I want photographic evidence." Naruto made a noise of assent, but Sakura protested, complaining about her not getting the romanticism of their love story. "That's real love, right there. They're still holding strong despite living so far!"

Ino scoffed, theatrically swishing her long ponytail, and the two entered a heated discussion about the topic, somehow bringing Sasuke's name in as well - Kakashi didn't care about what the two girls talked about, what he needed was to hear Naruto talk. When he did, Naruto's opinion on the subject amused him to no end: "It's not your fault, Sakura-chan, the bastard is as dense as a ton of bricks. The Sharingan scrambled his brain real bad."

Abruptly the wind shifted and Kakashi found himself suddenly downwind to the three. Thank Kami. If it hadn't changed soon, Kakashi would have been forced to change side of the street and thus risk detection. Senses in overdrive, Kakashi breathed deeply through his nose, nostrils flaring - sight and hearing were all nice and good, but he was a dog at heart, and scents never lied.

Kakashi isolated Naruto's scent from the thousand smells in the air and - well, damn. He had kind of expected it, but the blond Uzumaki really was a woman. While still smelling like Naruto - sunshine and grass and dust and wool - the scent of the person in the orange dress lacked the pungent whiff of musk and instead had a spicy-sweet, watery component to it. A solid henge physically altered the body, scent glands included, and it was the only reason one's scent could change like that.

Well, between Naruto's distinctive speech patterns and his smell, Kakashi had no choice but to conclude that his ex-student really had sprouted breasts and wider hips. Not that the alternatives had been plausible - Sakura knew Naruto like a brother and was very smart, she would have been able to tell an impostor from the real one in a blink.

"Dinner time, girls!" was the only warning Kakashi got before the three vanished inside a BBQ restaurant, leaving him to stare at the brightly lit establishment. Now what?

Well, he couldn't leave it at that. For his sanity's sake, he needed to know what was going on - anyone who had survived Naruto's more elaborate pranks would agree with him (or run for the hills). The shinobi in him knew he needed info in order to elaborate a counter plan, so info gathering it was. And what better source than Naruto himself? The boy was chronically incapable of keeping secrets, and Kakashi planned to take advantage of that.

Crouched on the edge of the roof, he gave the ladies (kind of?) a few minutes to settle in, not wanting to look like he was stalking them. When he deemed it polite, he jumped down and strode confidently into the restaurant.

Kakashi spotted the three from the corner of his eye immediately, sitting around a low table in a corner booth. He made a show of checking out the décor, pretending not to notice the three as he looked around: the restaurant was bright and cheerful, with floors of pale wood and colourful rice paper panels separating the booths, each with a wide window looking over a carefully-tended backyard.

He shouldn't have bothered with his charade, for the three spotted him just as fast and called for him right away.

"Kakashi-sensei!," called out Sakura, just as Naruto called out "Kakashi-san!", both waving at him.

Kakashi blinked at Naruto's change of honorific. He noticed Sakura shooting the blonde a look, but she didn't say anything. Huh. Still, the veteran jōnin chose to take his students' enthusiastic welcome as an open invitation, and approached them.

"Yo," he greeted with his best plastic smile - which melted into a real smile when the two eyerolled and huffed at his one-word greeting. Kakashi resented their opinion about it not being a socially acceptable way to say hello to people. Still, it was interesting to see how female-Naruto's facial expressions were perfectly identical to male-Naruto's - though his now softer features made his pout look pretty cute.

"Look who's there," Ino drawled, chin on her entwined hands, looking right at him in the eye. "Were you stalking us, Kakashi-san?" Her voice and her pose were coquettish - however, her blue eyes were anything but. Sakura and Naruto looked amused by the idea, but Kakashi could see that the blonde girl was serious - but she also didn't seem intentioned to actually call him out on it, hiding her accusation in a joke. A worthy daughter to Yamanaka Inoichi indeed.

"Maa, of course not! I just wanted to check on my students," he said in a sweet voice. Sakura and Ino exchanged a glance, then in unison they looked pointedly at Naruto, who huffed a laugh and shrugged.

"Yeah, I know, I know." Naruto waved a hand at them, rubbing the back of his nape with the other as he always did when feeling awkward - and would you look at that, female-Naruto had long hair. Weird.

"Hey, wanna join us?" Aaaand there was the blond Uzumaki doing what he always did when he felt uneasy: be loud, act without thinking and change the subject in such an unsubtle way it made Kakashi's head hurt. Sakura and Ino shot Naruto annoyed glances - they likely had planned to grill him about his change with the bribery of food, and now they couldn't kick Kakashi out without being rude.

Kakashi grinned under his mask. Well, that had been easy. "Well, if you insist, Naruto-kun..."

Before the girls could come up with a way to get rid of him, he slipped to sit at the low table beside Ino, right in front of Naruto. Sakura rolled her eyes, but said nothing. Ino shook her head. Naruto looked downright uncomfortable, looking everywhere but at his ex-teacher. He looked like someone regretting not having a filter between his brain and his tongue.

Mercifully, a waiter appeared right then with a tray of many kinds of meat. The four divided it between them with little fuss - except from a brief battle between Naruto and Sakura for the last set of spare ribs, which the blond lost - and started making good use of the coal grill built in at the centre of the table.

As his meat cooked, Kakashi tilted his head and finally asked the question burning away at his sanity: "So, Naruto-kun, why the change?"

Naruto, who had been drinking, startled and half-choked on his water. Seriously, how could he be surprised at Kakashi's question? Had he really hoped he would not ask? Foolish boy. He was lucky he was cute.

"I... I, well... Uh, I felt like it...?" Came the feeble answer. Kakashi raised an eyebrow at the terrible lie.

…How did Naruto make jōnin, again?

As his student floundered for words - Sakura and Ino listening in, very interested and very amused - Kakashi took his time to really look at the boy's new form.

He was a very tall woman, almost as tall as Kakashi himself and good head over Sakura's. Given the average height of kunoichi, he would stand out like a sore thumb among the kunoichi ranks.

Kakashi could see that Naruto had kept his henge as physically close to his male body as possible, and applauded his choice. He knew from experience that it was a pain to get used to a completely new body, whence keeping one's height and muscle mass made it easier to fight.

That said, he wasn't ugly or overly masculine either - quite the contrary, in fact. While tall, female-Naruto was perfectly proportioned, and Kakashi could see where the boy got his inspiration from. Although two cups smaller, such a generous bust could only come from seeing the Hokage's own impressive cleavage; those wide hips held all the curves of Ino's body, and while still feminine-looking, those strong shoulders and lithe arms rippling with taut muscles matched Sakura's own ones trait for trait. And those were definitely Kurenai's legs he saw folded under the blond's body, because Kakashi was pretty sure no one else in Konoha had such shapely thighs.

Naruto's features were softer, but still easily recognizable. His jaw was just a bit slimmer, his face narrower and tad more oval, his cheek-bones higher, but his eyes and whisker marks were the same. One would think that as a woman Naruto would look more like his mother, but no: he looked more like Minato-sensei as a woman than he did as a man, helped by the two long bangs framing his face, escaping the low ponytail he kept his now-long hair in.

It was both endearing and disturbing, seeing Minato's face on female-Naruto. Naruto who now looked, for all intents and purpose, like a beautiful kunoichi in top fighting form.

(Having grown up amongst ninja, Kakashi couldn't see how civilian men found delicate, thin, weak women beautiful. The only theory he had for such a lack of taste was that civilian men nursed their wounded egos by favouring weak ladies with little meat on their bones to justify their own meagre strength and virility. That didn't change the fact that ninjas would wipe the floor with them in a fight, though.)

"So, uh, I was talking with baa-chan, and, uh, the discussion sort of fell on the topic of henge? So I told her I could do a solid henge and she didn't believe me so I showed her and, well, she was impressed, you see?"

…Wow, it had been a long time since Kakashi had heard Naruto sound so awkward. He had forgotten how hard the boy could blush - as a girl, it looked even more pronounced.

Naruto kept on rambling: "She didn't know I could hold it indefinitely, and- And, uh, she was really surprised when I told her! I held this female form for a month years ago when I was away with Ero-sennin and it proved I really became a girl and, well, nobody else can hold a solid henge as long as me because, you know, chakra powerhouse, so she didn't know it could change inner biology but I told her it really makes me a girl and she was very interested so she wanted me to, eh experiment with it again-" In his babbling, the blond flailed his arms so wildly he almost decked Sakura in the face, prompting the medic to deck him.

Outwardly, Kakashi looked mildly interested as he half-listened to Naruto's ramblings, busy with turning his meat on the grill.

Inwardly, Kakashi was howling with laughter. Oh Kami, this was too precious.

He held out a hand. "Naruto-kun, breathe." The boy-turned-girl froze halfway through a word, swallowed and obeyed, breathing in and out deeply. Kakashi wasn't sure if it actually helped Naruto, but at least it halted the onslaught on his ears. "So, you're doing this under order of the Hokage?"

Naruto looked pained at that. Why? "No, I mean, she didn't ask me, I offered and uh, yeah, kind of? And, and she's having me do these tests at the hospital, you see? Uh..."

Then it clicked. 'It really makes me a girl' and 'change inner biology', his ex-student had said. Kakashi was familiar with solid henge and how it behaved more like ninjutsu than a genjutsu, physically changing the body. Naruto said he had once kept it for a month (and wasn't that a whole new level of crazy? Kakashi could maintain it for no longer than a few hours before falling dead from chakra exhaustion!) so the blonde was basically telling him that Tsunade was studying his female reproductive cycle?

Okay, that won the prize for sheer craziness. Naruto really was Konoha's Number One Most Unpredictable Ninja - Kakashi made a mental note to give him a plaque to hang on his door for his birthday. Someone needed to make it official.

The veteran jōnin hummed in thought, wrapping his mind around the matter as he ate. As usual, he cast a simple genjutsu that made it look like his mask was still in place, when actually it was pooled around his neck (even he couldn't eat through fabric, no matter what people thought).

Naruto looked at him with barely-concealed worry. Why was his ex-student so concerned? Kakashi was aware his ex-student thought highly of him and valued his opinion very much, but that was true of his friends as well. Was he worried Kakashi would think less of him now that he had the body of a woman? That wasn't true, obviously - Naruto was still Naruto - but it was interesting that the blond Uzumaki didn't seem to hold the same worry about Sakura and Ino. Why? What did make Kakashi special? The boy-turned-girl was so lost in his worries he seemed to have forgotten his meat on the grill.

Kakashi pointed at the burnt-looking piece of beef with his chopsticks. "Naruto-kun, your meat is burning." That seemed to shake Naruto from whatever state of mind he had been caught in, and rushed to save his dinner with a dismayed cry.

"Thank you Kakashi-san!," he cried in relief, dipping the meat in the saucer with great vigour and sending drops of soy sauce everywhere before digging in with gusto. Aaaand there went Kakashi's hope Naruto would magically learn some manners along with acquiring breasts.

Talking about that... "Maa, Naruto-kun, why so rude? Am I not your beloved sensei anymore, now that you're a pretty girl?" Under his mask of laziness and uncaring-ness, Kakashi wasn't a completely sadistic bastard, and could see his student needed a change of subject for a reprieve from whatever worried him. That Kakashi got to make fun of Naruto was only a bonus. Plus, he was honestly curious.

Predictably, Naruto scowled, then covered it with a foxy smile. "Technically, you're not my sensei anymore!"

"Then why does Sakura-chan still call me that? All the other teams also still call their ex-teachers 'sensei' as well." Kakashi looked pointedly at Sakura and Ino in a silent question, who confirmed it. Sakura was looking at Naruto with great interest, and Kakashi remembered her reaction at Naruto's lack of honorific: she didn't know the reason for the change either, and was just as curious.

"That's just habit, like a nickname." Naruto chomped on a piece of pork as if it proved his point. Maybe in his head it did? Weird boy.

"I like 'Kakashi-sensei', though." Kakashi made his tone plaintive, almost a whine. Naruto gave him an unimpressed look. "Alright, then what about 'Kakashi-senpai'?"

Naruto eyerolled hard, his eyebrows rising high on his forehead. "I'm not a lovesick puppy like Yamato-sensei, I'm not calling you that."

"Why is he 'sensei' when I'm not?" He ignored the 'lovesick puppy' comment because nope.

"He taught me longer than you did - and more." Kakashi pouted, now honestly offended. Naruto was his student, not Tenzō's! Tenzō had just happened to teach him something. Sometime. "Also, it makes him real happy to have someone look up to him. Makes wonders for his self-confidence. While you really don't need an ego boost."

Kakashi smiled minutely under his mask. That was Naruto alright: bright and boisterous and oblivious right until he showed how much he understood people.

The veteran jōnin wouldn't concede defeat so quickly, though, and readied a dry jibe that would make Naruto squirm. He never said it, however. Naruto's blue eyes held Kakashi's grey ones with a familiar intensity the ex-sensei recognized: the blonde was really invested in the 'sensei' business, and was sporting that particular look of stubbornness that meant he wasn't going to back down anytime soon. It was a look that had brought down better ninja than Kakashi.

For whatever reasons, Naruto seemed to have good reasons not to want to call him 'sensei' anymore. Who was Kakashi top hope to make him change his mind?

"...'Kakashi-san' is good, I guess," the veteran jōnin conceded eventually. After all, Naruto had earned the right to speak to him like an equal, after all. A small part of him felt sad, though. Was it a sign his ex-student wanted to free himself from Kakashi's influence? If that was what Naruto wanted, it was his choice, but... He didn't have to like it.

In front of him, Naruto blinked, as if he hadn't expected the older man to give in so easily. He quickly recovered, though, and favoured him with a big smile, looking relieved. Well, now the boy seemed relaxed enough to answer his questions without tripping over his own tongue, so Kakashi could go back to interrogating him. "How long?"

"How long what?," Naruto asked, munching loudly on his food, an oblivious expression on his face. Was he playing hard to get or was he honestly dumb? Kakashi could never quite pinpoint him.

"How long are you planning to stay female?"

Naruto's smile slid off for just a fraction of a second. It was immediately back, just as bright, but it had been enough to confirm Kakashi's suspicions: the blond Uzumaki was hiding something.

Kakashi didn't like surprises, especially when they could come back to bite his ass. Call it a hunch, but the veteran jōnin felt that this one most certainly would.

Still smiling, Naruto locked eyes with Kakashi, and his glare was defiant. "A few months, I think. Until baa-chan lets me off." Kakashi was very good at detecting lies, and he knew Naruto was lying - at the very least by omission. What was really interesting, was that Naruto's eyes told him that Naruto knew Kakashi knew he was lying, and that he was still not going to talk.

"A few months, uh," he repeated. While nothing Naruto had said felt like an outright lie, he obviously had his own agenda for switching gender. Kakashi took it for granted it was nothing malicious or that would harm Konoha, but that meant that Naruto was either going to pull a huge prank or that he was entirely in good faith. Kakashi didn't know which option was scarier: on one hand, Naruto was Kushina's son and his pranks had reduced grown-up ANBU to tears of frustration, on the other hand, the road to downfall was paved with good intentions. Naruto was a good boy, but Kakashi feared he didn't always have the foresight to predict what his good intentions would bring him on the long run.

Feeling the tense undertones their discussion had taken, Ino neatly cut in. "That's why we took her shopping today! We couldn't let her wear men clothes for months." She grinned, pointing at the many bags piled against the wall behind her, obviously full of clothes.

Sakura glanced at Naruto's orange dress with a satisfied grin. "We didn't get her to lose the orange, but we did make a step towards a better sense of fashion."

Indeed, Kakashi had noticed that Naruto's quipao dress was of very nice quality - of a darker shade of orange than he usually wore, with black trimming and black koi fish embroidery. But he had also noticed how Naruto cringed minutely at each 'her' - he hid it well, but Kakashi's trained eye saw how Naruto gritted his teeth as he ate, how his grip on his chopsticks tightened. Not a 'she', then - his early assumption had been right.

Why didn't Naruto correct them if he so obviously didn't agree with the pronoun? Well, Kakashi wouldn't stand for that. He wouldn't even have to step out of character to set things right: everyone knew he was nosy, so no one would fault him for butting in on matters that really weren't his own.

"Well, Naruto-kun..." the strong emphasis on the 'kun' caught everybody's attention. "Sai-kun would say you're no less a man because of a dress. He'll probably be amused you happen to be true to the nickname he gave you." Kakashi looked at the two girls, tilting his head to look sideways at Naruto. His voice was light, but his dark grey eyes were serious as locked onto the two kunoichi. "I do think he is pretty cute with that dress, though. It suits him. Good job, girls."

From the way Naruto tentatively smiled at him, Kakashi had nailed it right away. Sakura and Ino didn't miss the stress he put in the masculine pronouns: they looked at each other, then at Naruto - and finally it dawned on them, judging by their uneasy, almost guilty expressions. Good.

Naruto didn't miss the exchange, and his smile widened. He covered Sakura's hand with his own, squeezing it lightly, beaming at his teammate. It's alright, his blue eyes said. Sakura frowned, looking down at their linked hands and then up again at him. I'm sorry, her green eyes said. Naruto shook his head minutely. Don't be. It's alright. Sakura nodded with a tiny smile, and squeezed Naruto's hand in return. Ino leaned over the table to do the same, joining her hand with Naruto's and Sakura's.

Kakashi, momentarily forgotten, was inwardly very pleased with himself. He had taken a wild guess, but it looked like Naruto wasn't sure if he could still be a man while having a female body. Had Naruto refrained from correcting the girls' mistake under the wrong assumption that he would have to get used to be called a 'she'? Or did he simply not know how to say it? Was he on some level embarrassed with his new body? Well, it was solved now. If he knew Sakura and Ino well, they would make sure that Konoha as a whole knew how to refer to Naruto by tomorrow.

As the girls took up a discussion about the clothes they had made Naruto buy, the boy-turned-girl shot Kakashi a blinding smile, his clear eyes full of relief and gratefulness. Thank you.

Kakashi nodded, silently acknowledging him as he set another piece of meat on the grill. Maybe he was not his sensei anymore, but Naruto would never stop being his student.