A/N This is set post last week's episode Buried Alive and Ethan's resolution to "be more Cal". It looks as though they'll be digging into the effect this has on Ethan next episode, so I wanted to give my own interpretation of what could happen before then - enjoy!

Chapter 1:

"Move back in?"

They had scattered Emilie's ashes and afterwards sat and watched the sea through Cal's front windshield, still shivering a little from their brief dip in the water. The wind was picking up now and the waves crashed angrily against the shore, but Ethan felt lighter than he had done in a long time. He knew it wouldn't last, but perhaps an answer to Cal's honest, vulnerable question would extend the feeling a little longer.

"Of course."

Cal started cleaning as soon as he got home. Ethan had finally revealed that he'd been staying at the Holby Hotel and to get from there to here would only take twenty minutes, with maybe an extra fifteen thrown in to gather his things together. That meant just over half an hour in which Cal needed to clear away pizza boxes, dirty underwear and a myriad of other undesirable objects that had spawned around the flat without Ethan there to keep his untidy older brother in check.

Halfway through the manic tidy-up and Cal's phone started ringing. He accepted the incoming call with a smug grin; at long last a real conversation with his brother, and not just his voicemail message.

"What's up bro?"

"Do we have toilet roll?"

"It's like you have no faith in me!" Cal exclaimed in a mock-wounded voice. "I managed for weeks without you, you know. Don't you trust me?"

"No," was Ethan's blunt response. "Do we have toilet roll?"

"Urm, let me go check." Cal walked through to the bathroom. "Hey you know if you're stopping to buy stuff, we should get some pizza and beers in. Maybe watch-"

Cal would be told afterward it was a gas leak in the flat above that led to the explosion. All he remembered was a loud noise, a severe burst of pain in his head, and then all of a sudden he was waking up in the Holby City Hospital.

He felt sore all over and the beeping of various monitors did nothing to help the stabbing pains in his head.

"Cal?" Rita's face swam into view above him, smiling when she saw he'd regained consciousness. "You're alright - you're in a ward at Holby."

"I know that," he ground out, irritated. "What happened?"

She helped him sit up and began to explain. "There was an explosion in your flat block, they're still trying to find out how. But the roof collapsed on you, so you have a nasty laceration on your head and some mild smoke inhalation."

That explained a few things. "W- was anyone hurt?"

"There are a lot of your neighbours in, but amazingly none too bad." She chewed her lip and looked away. "Ethan was admitted too."

"What?!" Cal was dumbfounded, and searched his memory desperately. "But he wasn't there! He- he was buying loo roll..."

Rita managed a small smile at that. "He got there before the fire service did and refused to wait for them - went in to get you himself. Iain said he was a proper hero."

Cal's forehead creased. "Is he alright?"

"He's got severe smoke inhalation and some bad burns, I think." Rita rubbed at Cal's arm soothingly. "I'm sure he'll be absolutely fine, he was conscious and talking when they brought him in. Would you like me to go check on him for you?"

Rita's offer was kind, but Cal was starting to piece things together. He remembered his and Ethan's conversation from earlier.

"Be more Cal."

"Hm?"

"That's what I'm going to do. It's my new resolution."

"Be more Cal?"

"Yeah, you know. Carpe diem. Run recklessly headfirst into improbably dangerous situations."

"I'm going to kill him," Cal breathed.

Rita looked positively alarmed. "Excuse me?"

"Help me get this out!" Cal demanded, gesturing to his IV. "I need to see him. Right now."

"But, Cal-"

"Do it Rita!"

"You're very fortunate," Dylan told Ethan, flicking through his chart. "Given the circumstances, your burns are relatively superficial."

Ethan offered a tired smile behind his oxygen mask, but didn't make a move to speak; the last time he'd tried had resulted in a coughing fit that lasted well over ten minutes.

"We'll get you some antibiotics just in case," Dylan said, signing off a prescription for said antibiotics. "But mostly it's just a precaution before we wrap them up."

"Don't go rushing into any more burning buildings and you should be fine," Jacob concluded, hanging up a new bag of saline. "First the ferris wheel, now this - we'll make an action man of you yet Dr Hardy."

This time Ethan did remove his oxygen mask, just to ask the necessary question, "Is Cal alright?"

"Is..? Oh your brother." Dylan searched his memory for a moment. "Yes just a scalp laceration I think, perhaps some minor smoke inhalation. He's being looked after by Nurse... er..."

"Freeman," Jacob supplied, when it became apparent Dylan didn't remember. "I can go check how he's doing if you like."

"Thank you." Ethan pulled his mask back over his face and closed his eyes, utterly spent. It seemed an age ago now that he and Cal had been on that beach, relatively carefree... and when he'd seen their building up in flames...

"Dr Knight!" Ethan's eyes snapped open when he heard Dylan's surprised greeting. "Nurse Masters just went looking for you. Are you alright?"

Cal was breathing hard, his clothes were dishevelled and sooty and he was sporting a furious glare that was directed, confusingly, at Ethan.

"I need to talk with my brother. Now."

Rita was hoping that when Cal saw how unwell Ethan looked he might calm down, but the sight of his brother on a bed in RESUS coughing through an oxygen mask with transparent film covering some very painful looking burns on his chest and arms served only to fuel his inexplicable rage.

"I need to talk with my brother. Now."

"Sorry, what's going on?" Dylan looked from one brother to another in hopes it might help him understand the situation. When no answers were forthcoming, he turned to Rita. "Nurse Freeman?"

She shrugged helplessly. "I have no idea."

"What were you thinking?" Cal hissed at Ethan and gestured to the burns on his arms. "Was this what you meant by a "new resolution"?"

"No that isn't a good idea," Dylan began when he saw Ethan was struggling to sit up. "Look I don't know what the issue here is, but can we save this for another time?"

Cal ignored him. ""Carpe diem", right Ethan? What was it you said? "Run recklessly headfirst into improbably dangerous situations"? I can't believe you!"

Ethan's eyes were wide as he took in the implications of what Cal was saying. "Cal," he managed to gasp, "I didn't-"

"Just save it!" Cal bellowed. "If playing the hero gets you through then fine, but don't expect me to be a part of your sick suicide missions, okay?"

"Cal," Rita interjected gently. "Ethan risked his life-"

"Exactly." Cal was trembling with rage. "And it was stupid and selfish. You want to be more like me but I would never do something like that. Never."

He stormed out the room and down the corridor.

"Right," said Dylan after a few moments of stunned silence. "Well um- I have other patients to see to, so..." He followed Cal out the door.

"He's just had a big shock," Rita consoled Ethan, whose shoulders slumped the instant Cal had disappeared from view. "He didn't mean it."

"No, he did." Ethan's voice was still hoarse. "He thinks I went in and saved him because I don't care about living."

"Why would he think that?"

Ethan did his best to muster up a smile, but Rita saw right through the false grin and the lie that followed it. "No idea."

Jacob stopped Cal halfway down the corridor. "Shouldn't you be in a ward by now?"

"I'm on my way," he muttered, feeling drained from all the shouting he'd just done. "What's wrong?"

"Wanted to check how you were doing," Jacob said, eyeing Cal up and down. "Ethan was asking after you."

Cal huffed a humourless laugh. "Was he? Well there's a surprise."

Jacob frowned. "What do you mean by that?"

"Nothing, I'm just tired." Cal turned away from the nurse. "See you later."

"Hey wait a moment!" Jacob grabbed him by the arm. "Your head's bleeding."

Cal reached a hand up to the back of his head and felt something warm and sticky. He must have broken his stitches. "Oh."

"Let's get that sorted for you."

""I am a doctor," Cal protested, but failed to resist Jacob's attempts to pull him into a spare cubicle. "I know how to look after myself."

"Then shut up Doctor, and let me do my job."

Cal dumped himself unceremoniously on the cubicle bed and crossed his arms. "Fine. Get on with it."