Tris POV

"Bea, baby," my mom sing songs as she pokes her head in my room, "time to get ready for the party,"

Fuck me.

I bury myself in my sheets more. I'm not ready mentally to go. I tried to wrap myself in sheets and get used to the idea of going and I'm still not ready.

My mom starts pulling out clothes for me to wear, "get up Beatrice,"

"Please don't make me go," I beg her.

"Beatrice," she says in a 'I've had it' tone,"you are not sitting here alone, you need to get over yourself. Caleb's never has problems going anywhere, no one does but you,"

Deep hatred settles in my stomach. Don't you get it, I need help you dumb bitch! I wish she would stop and open her eyes for just a second.

I glare at my sheets tears prickling in my eyes,"I'm not going,"

My mother glares at me angrily,"Beatrice you can't sit in your room your whole life. When are going to get over this it's not...I don't get it,"

"Well I'm sorry I'm not the daughter you wanted!," I yell at her for the first time in my life. I sit wide eyed at my mother who looks at me shocked.

"Fine Beatrice stay at home but next time you're going," My mom says before leaving my room.

I start crying. I hate this so much. I wish I could go places without feeling this way. I feel trapped by it.

I bury myself back into the covers and try to fall asleep.

PAGE BREAK~

I next morning I wake up and head downstairs to the kitchen to get some food.

As I pour my cereal my mom says,"the party was great Beatrice. You should have come,"

I grip the box tighter and suck in a break,"t-that's great," I mutter.

"The Eaton's wondered where you were," she goes on. Does she have to do this I already feel shitty.

I sit at the table and eat my cereal slowly avoiding eye contact with anyone.

I finish and rush upstairs. I turn on some music and lie on my bed with my phone. I take my phone and scroll for a while looking at Instagram videos.

After a while my mom comes into my room and demands I go to the store with her. I roll my eyes.

As long as I don't have to talk to anyone. I roll out of bed and brush my teeth and my hair. I pull on Nike shorts and a large tee shirt with my slip on vans.

I thump down the stairs begrudgingly. My mom looks at me weird.

"Are you wearing pants?," nope I decided to go out with just a shirt on. Really bitch?

I lift my shirt to show my shorts. We walk out of the house and onto our car.

I slump in my seat and frown. I want to sleep.

My mom looks over at me at sighs,"would you feel better if I let you control the radio,"

I give a small devilish smile. My mom rarely lets me have the aux cord because all I play is Travis Scott, Drake, and Future, which is not exactly my mom's speed.

I scroll through my playlist and press play on my new favorites,

Panda, Panda, Panda, Panda, Panda
Panda, Panda...
I got broads in Atlanta

People would most likely be surprised that I listen to rap so heavily. Since you know I'm a short, scrawny, white girl.

All the way to the store I blast music and belt the lyrics, curse words and all. One thing about music is that it brings out another side of me, one that isn't shy or held down by my brother.

My mom stops the car and pulls the keys out stopping the music in the middle of Uber Everywhere.

I frown at my mom and get out of the car. We walk into the store me pushing the basket for my mom. I spend most of the time scrolling on my phone and going to fetch things for my mom.

"Hi!," I hear my mom say excitedly. I look up and I see Tobias, my lab partner and a man with him I'm assuming his dad.

"Hi Nat!," the man pats my mom on the shoulder. I raise an eyebrow, who is this?

"Beatrice this is Mr. Eaton," my mom introduces. I shake the man's hand awkwardly.

"We missed you last night,"

God does everyone have to remind me that I'm socially pathetic.

My mom makes chit chat with the man for a while and I watch Tobias. He's really quiet and he doesn't make eye contact with anyone. This is different from the cocky fuckboy persona he has at school.

I guess everyone is different on the weekend.

PAGE BREAK~

I stand at the counter in the kitchen at three in the morning, waiting for my hot pocket to finish in the microwave. I'm trying to be as quiet as possible and I watch the countdown on the microwave closely waiting for the last numbers.

Here it goes, 6,5,4,3,2,1-

I quick as lightning stop the time before it beeps and wakes up everyone. I tip toe across the tile to the hardwood and to the couch.

I get comfortable and turn on the tv and turn the volume down just enough to where I can hear it.

I turn to a Golden Girls marathon while I take a bite of my hot pocket. Mmm diabetes taste best late at night.

I am used to staying up at ungodly hours. Since my anxiety has gotten worse in the last few years I have had trouble sleeping. Most of the time I take sleeping pills but if I don't I only get about two hours of sleep, which I know is so unhealthy and my tired eyes are a constant reminder.

I just can't fall asleep when I'm left with just me and my own thoughts my anxiety builds as my mind wanders. I think that's why I always listen to music it allows me to not have to listen to my own thoughts.

"Bea, baby girl, why are you up?,"my dad comes down the stairs in his robe and slip.

"I couldn't sleep," I say as I put my plate on the coffee table.

"Come on get in the bed, it almost four in the morning," my dad says. I huff like a little kid and march up the stairs.

I make it to my door and say goodnight before going in my room and crawling under my covers in a bawl.

It's another hour before I go to sleep.

A/N: it been forever since I updated I'm sorry but school, just school is really keeping me busy and I'm trying to finish strong and pass my AP test.

I don't know when the next update is it will be here when I get to it.