It All Began with Walnut Shrimp

Written for Contest(s): Make em Laugh & You OTP and That Epic Unsexy Star Wars Dialogue

Hermione x Draco

I do not own Harry Potter

Word Count: 1k

Rating: T

May be completely out of character

AU: Contemporary times

Age: Both are in their late 20s

The stubborn woman simply couldn't live without him, Draco decided when he poked his head around the entrance of the front door as he watched the bushy-haired woman he'd plan to marry by kidnapping both the bookworm and the Justice of Peace scamper away from him and lock herself away in her own bedroom.

Last night, they were eating in one of the more upstart restaurants he'd managed to coax her to before he made his move: in the form of sweeping elegantly down onto a knee, a hand reaching for his back pocket, a confident smirk on his face and his memorized lines of "forever" on his lips. The second Draco opened his mouth, shrimp coated in mayonnaise and honey-glazed walnuts flew into his mouth and smacked his face and Draco pin-wheeled back onto his ass in shock.

"What the bloody hell was that for!" he snapped and wiped the sauce from his face only to see the infuriating woman who foiled his plans snatch up two bread rolls and take aim, "w-wait a second!" Hermione let the bread fly and he ducked,

"Don't you dare say it!" she shrieked and the man swore as he dove for her legs,

"Ow!" something slammed on top of his head – her elbow? – And he wrapped his arms around Hermione's waist taking her to the ground. He immediately locked both of her wrists in his hands and yanked them above her head, "Stop throwing things at me Granger!" the woman thrashed under his arms. Her knees shot up for his bollocks and Draco evaded them swearing again,

"I'm not going to become one of your flings Malfoy!" Hermione hissed as struggled beneath his grip, "You miserable, lying ferret! Let me go!" she bucked and Draco tightened his hands over her wrists,

"When did I ever say that Granger! I f*cking love you!" he watched as Hermione froze under him, her body immediately slackened as the bushy-haired bookworm gazed up at him, astonished.

"W-what?" Draco opened his mouth to repeat his words but the sudden waspish look of horror on her face made him stop. Dread made a pit in his stomach and he stared as her horrified expression turned into disbelief,

"Let me go Draco." She said quietly and he immediately released her and sat back on his heels completely bewildered if not a little more than nervous. Draco purposely ignored the blatant stares and whispers surrounding them and idly wondered why none of the staff had rushed out to boot them from the restaurant.

"I-" he began when a sticky hand smeared in rich mayonnaise and honey covered his mouth, stopping him,

"What are you doing?" her lips were at his ear, hidden from bystanders, "we're suppose to pretend that we've broken up remember? We've talked about this!" What she didn't know was that Draco had long trashed the idea of leaving her and made the decision that he'd never let her go. After all, he'd die if he was deprived from her heavenly cooking and if he didn't wake up every morning to the feel of her hot little body wrapped around him. With a sigh, the bookworm shook her head and drew back, "nevermind, just play along." She sat back on her knees, her lips twisting up in a small smile,

"You don't have to pretend." Hermione's composure transformed and she gave him knowing smile. Draco blinked; now he was thoroughly confused,

"What?" his voice was muffled behind her hand and the woman let out an exasperated sigh,

"I know why you asked me to sleep with you and pose as your 'female companion' for the last few weeks." She waved her other hand nonchalantly in the air, "it's fine, i get it, you're afraid of what your parents will think of you." Hermione shrugged and winked at him, "the mind-blowing sex was a bonus. I didn't know someone like you would be that good in the sheets." The Slytherin's brows mashed together and he squinted at her; what was she spouting about? Afraid of his parents? She gets it? Sex as a bonus? Frowning, he grabbed her hand and jerked it from his mouth,

"What are you talking about?" he demanded and the shrimp-throwing woman let out another maddening sigh,

"You can admit it now Draco, I know you bat for the other team."

…..

Huh?

For a second, the man couldn't even speak; let along get a word past his mouth which was currently flat out on the ground.

"G-gay?" he choked and bookworm nodded and patted his back,

"Yes Draco, you're gay. It's fine really. I enjoyed our time together." The woman whom he was definitely going to strangle reached up to grab an embroidered napkin and wiped her hands grimacing,

"Sorry my hands are dirty but I had to find some way to stop you from having to embarrass yourself. I was worried when I saw you on your knees. You don't have to go so far to prove who you're not." Hermione looked around, "are your parents watching you? Is that why you did that?" she lowered her voice and used the back of the cloth to wipe his frozen face. Hermione glanced worriedly at him, "Oh crap, they're here aren't they? We better get back into our roles then." She pasted a sweet smile on her face and wrapped her arms around his neck and cooed, "Oh Drakey you didn't have to do that for me! Of course I'll marry you! I fell in love with you the moment you poured ink all over my head and locked me in the janitor's closet for nine hours!" she pressed her lips against his ear and murmured,

"Do you want to sneak out so I can set you back up with Harry? You two were up late last night."

"I think I'm going into shock." Draco gasped and he body sagged against her enough for him to withdraw the ring from his pocket. Quickly, he grabbed her left hand and jabbed the finger into the ring. There was an audible click of the lock as the ring locked over her finger. Hermione ripped her hand from his grip and she stared in shock at the large carat winking in the light,

"Draco." She whispered and the blonde reared up onto his knees and cupped her face with both hands,

"You said yes." He grinned furiously and planted a messy kiss on her surprised lips. He also took the time to grab a glob of shrimp from his shirt and smear it all over her face, for revenge purposes of course, "so are mine Granger."

"But-"

"And I'm not gay!" he snapped. This time, it was Hermione's jaw that slammed to the ground,

"Y-you're not?" she stammered. Draco gave her a raised brow in reply,

"Do I look like I swing the other way Granger?" he was beginning to get irritated. Hermione's mouth opened and closed once before she grabbed the ring with thumb and forefinger and pulled. Of course he knew the minx would try to take it off, so he had the maker install a mechanism within the ring that would lock the second he slid it over her finger. The ring was tight enough that she wouldn't be able to get it over her knuckle.

"What did you do to it you weasel!" she shouted and Draco nodded, satisfied: he'd make sure the maker was gifted a car after this.

"I'm never going to see you again after this! You'll pay for this Malfoy!" she spat and Draco shrugged, nonchalant; she wouldn't be able to because of the tracker he'd installed inside the carat.

Nevermind the car, the guy was going to get a mansion for his work. Draco grinned,

"Do you like it?" her answer was the rest of the entrée at his head.

Now she was hiding up in her room, refusing to come out.

With a sigh, Draco tromped up the stairs and stopped at her door,

"It's no use Granger. You can't take the ring off even if you took a saw to it dear." There was a curse and for a moment, he was worried that she'd actually attempt it; he wouldn't put it past her to,

"We're not getting married Draco." Came the answering shout and Draco rolled his eyes and shook his head,

"Of course we are. You love me." He said smugly as the door blew open and the fiery minx was in his face in an instant,

"No I do not." She hissed and took a step back as Draco advanced,

"Yes you do." He insisted,

"I don't love you." Hermione barked, her body stiffened as he bent and dropped a kiss on the crook of her neck,

"Yes you do." He murmured and lazily traced his tongue along the line of her collarbone,

"I-" Hermione gasped when Draco nipped her shoulder,

"do." He finished. The stubborn woman shook her head,

"I do?" she was weakening and Draco felt a triumphant grin threaten to spread over his face as he kissed his way up her jaw,

"Mmmhmm, you love me Granger." He planted another kiss on the corner of her mouth, "you also love to worship me and call me Master when I ask you to suc-ow!"

"I do not." Hermione snapped and Draco rubbed his sore abdomen and glared at her before sucking her bottom lip in his mouth,

"Say it." He swept his tongue against hers for a brief moment before withdrawing to lower his head and nibble at the pulsing column of her throat. She automatically tilted her neck back in response,

"Say what." She panted as her hands curled around his shoulders,

"Say that you love me and you'll marry me." His hands pushed the straps of her tank top off her shoulders as Hermione shuddered,

"I love you?" Draco withdrew, a mischievous light sneaking in his gaze and he swept her up in his arms,

"I know Granger. Believe me I know."