Sorry about the delay in updates folks! Stupid computer wouldn't read my hard drive... So without further ado...MASS UPDATES!

Irisviel wasn't the only one beyond confused. The first true fight of the Grail War (not that she knew that) had started off innocently enough. However, Rider had shown up and interrupted the honorable fight and practically demanded that they serve under him. He seemed like an honorable sort, but Saber was a former king and had no interest in following the orders of another. And Lancer had made it clear that he had already sworn to serve his Master until his demise...but that he was fairly certain she could kick Rider's ass regardless.

Then more Servants showed up, including a rather pompous Archer spirit.

Only he was practically tackled off the pole he had been standing on by a blond child who looked like he could be his son, wearing a rather strange outfit and calling himself Archer's "inner child".

That had apparently set off Lancer's Master, because she could clearly hear a woman laughing her ass off.

"What exactly is going on?" asked Saber, looking utterly confused at this point. Irisviel was just as baffled.

"Chaos!" shouted Lancer's Master with a cackle.

Archer looked pissed when he saw the blond child. The kid looked far too gleeful at pissing off the older blond for it to be healthy.

"Is anyone else confused?" asked Waver, from his spot in Rider's chariot.

Irisviel raised her hand helpfully, as did Saber after a moment's thought.

"Oh good, it's not just me."

There was a sudden flash of movement as a figure took a running leap off the containers. With how fast the blur was and how easily it landed on it's feet, one could mistake them for a Servant. No human could perform such acrobatic stunts.

However, the appearance of the figure completely threw any assumptions out the window on which one she could possibly be. She was too sane for Berserker, and Rider, Lancer, Saber and Archer were already there. No one knew what Caster looked like either.

And to all appearances, Assassin was dead already.

However if Diarmund hadn't introduced himself as Lancer already, Irisviel could have mistaken the girl for her Servant.

"Who are you to interrupt our battle?" asked Saber.

"First off, I never interrupt a fight between two warriors. It's easier to see their methods if I observe in case they attack me. Second, Rider is the idiot who thought barreling into one of the best fights I've seen outside Nerima was acceptable etiquette for a fighter," said Iris flatly, glaring at Iskander.

Iskander had the decency to look abashed, because even he could tell that she was a warrior born and bred.

"Who are you?" asked Irisviel.

Iris grinned evilly.

"Me? I'm Iris Emiya. I'm sure you will have words with a certain killer about me later."

Judging by the expression on her face, Kiritsugu was in for a rough night.

With Kiritsugu...

Outwardly he was the same, however he was swearing his head off silently. You could see Maiya trying not to laugh at his predicament.

With Iris...

"Oi, Gil! You done pissing off your adult self or do you want to annoy him more?" shouted Iris.

"I thought you said I was allowed to fight any Servants that showed up?" said Lancer.

"Too many variables, and Rider's appearance was a total mood killer," said Iris. Lancer conceded her point.

"So you're just going to leave?" said Waver, incredulous.

"Do you really want to fight now? I mean the way he just made his entrance he pretty much killed any mood to fight. This feels more like a meet and greet to me," said Iris.

"...I hate to say this, but I agree with her. This does feel more like an informal meet and greet than a battlefield," said Saber reluctantly.

"Oh trust me, well be getting to know each other in a few hours."

"WHAT?!" said Irisviel with a furious look on her face.

Iris was trying not to laugh, as she could sense the amount of cursing Kiritsugu was doing at the moment.

A few hours later...

Irisviel was livid when she found Iris at the castle looking like she belonged there. That womanly fury turned to confusion when her daughter, who she knew for a FACT had never met this strange woman before, squealed loudly and tackled her in a hug.

"Iris! You made it!"

"Of course I made it! You think I'd miss causing chaos on a Nerima-level in Fuyuki because of a small time travel mishap?" said Iris cackling. Her grin only grew as she said "You should have seen the look on that idiot Gilgamesh's face when Gil showed up and punched him in the face while wearing his Riku cosplay!"

Illya cackled with her.

"Cosplay and anime otaku for the win!"

Irisviel was officially lost at this point.

Kiritsugu came in, armed with bags of alcohol. He took one look at Iris, before snorting.

"There are three more bags in the car, and if you explain this properly to your mother Illya I'll give you some ordinance for when Iris gets bored enough that she infiltrates the Matou mansion. Or deals with that idiot who somehow summoned Bluebeard, despite the fact Ranma took the Caster spot with his fox."

Iris looked at him, taking the alcohol without question.

"What about that idiot lord you told me about? El-Mellio I think it was?"

"Summoned Avenger, though how I have no idea. Just get the groceries."

Iris took the alcohol and took it to the kitchen.

"Kiritsugu..." said Irisviel, looking far too sweet for it to be good for him.

"Do you want the long explanation or the short one?" he asked, wincing.

"Long one."

"There's a Chinese artifact that allows time travel in the hands of an Amazon tribe, and an idiot got his hands on it. Due to certain events from before this war, he used it and caught several people with it. Iris comes from the Fifth War, which happens ten years from now."

"Who is she?" asked Irisviel.

"She's my adopted daughter. There's something wrong with the Grail, so I ordered Saber to destroy it. It took the last two Command Seals to force her to do it, and the resulting blast started a massive fire that killed hundreds. I found two children in the remains of the blaze, and after they were cleared I adopted them."

Irisviel and Saber stared.

"There is no way that's possible. Time travel is one of the last true magics," said Saber flatly.

"I never said a Magus used the artifact. And I know for a fact that there are things in this world that make no sense...like mushrooms that can add or subtract years off your age depending on how tall they are when you eat them," said Kiritsugu flatly.

In the end, Kiritsugu made damn sure that the two were able to get blackout drunk once he dumped most of the information on them. The fact he knew the identities and rough locations of the other Masters (including the fact that Kotomine had faked the death of Assassin) was enough to convince them he wasn't imagining it.

And yes, most of them were nursing hangovers come morning.

"Iris, I have good news and I have bad news for you. The good news is that I have found the general area Kariya Matou is in. the bad news is that it appears Caster was summoned before that idiot duck dropped us here."

"...Does this mean I can unleash my most delightful bag of tricks on the creep?"

"It means you get to make their lives hell while saving any children who are still living before I shoot that idiot who entered at the last second," deadpanned Kiritsugu. Now that he knew who to look for, there was no way in hell he was letting that demented bastard live.

It didn't hurt that he knew who all the Masters were this time around or the identity of their Servants.

It took all of three hours for Ranma to locate Kariya Matou, and even less time for him to come to an agreement with the martial artist. Though his doubts on whether or not he could actually infiltrate and rescue Sakura were clear on his face, he was willing to let Ranma try.

Though when he heard he planned to blow the place up once she robbed it, and that he could be persuaded to also rob the Tohsaka mansion (he knew Iris was pissed Tokiomi handed his daughter over without any protest whatsoever) he did have to ask that they also remove Shinji before they destroyed the place.

Iris disliked the brat, but he wasn't that annoying yet. Besides, the idea of killing kids didn't sit right with him at all.

"So I noticed back on the docks you're a really good fighter. Care to play?" asked Iris, holding her spear.

Saber eyed Iris with suspicion.

"And give you a chance to see my moves to relay it to Lancer?"

Iris looked openly offended.

"I'm a martial artist. The personal creed of my family is to use martial arts to defend the weak. If anything I'd just be trying to learn your sword style for the unlikely chance I ever use an English broadsword," said Iris flatly.

"She's telling the truth Saber. She's more interested in sparring with you than trying to learn how you fight so Lancer can defeat you later. She plays with Berserker all the time for the same reasons," Illyasviel piped up.

Saber blinked.

"Tell you what, how about we use practice weapons instead of our real ones?" asked Iris, exchanging her favorite naginata for one almost identical but without the same powers.

Archer EMIYA tossed Saber a replica Caliburn, though it was vastly weaker than the real thing. She stared at him.

"How do you have this sword?"

"Saw it once, now it's part of my Noble Phantasm," said Archer.

"So shall we have some fun?" asked Iris eagerly.

It didn't take long to realize the truth about Iris Emiya. The girl was a veritable battle nut. She lived for the thrill of challenging skilled opponents and the fun of fighting.

Saber had known a few knights like that, so it wasn't that difficult to like the girl.

Sooner than she'd admit to herself, Saber found herself enjoying her fight with Iris. She barely noted Irisviel and Illyasviel eating popcorn and cheerfully discussing the battle as if it were a play.

Illya was rather well versed in martial arts (now that the time travel had been explained, a lot of things made more sense) and was explaining them to her mother with a chipper voice. When "Riku", or Child Gilgamesh arrived to the scene, he cheerfully challenged Illya to a hand-to-hand fight on one of the balconies out of reach of the combatants in the main floor.

Irisviel was a bit startled to see her daughter happily take his suggestion and fall into an easy stance, before launching several attacks that she never thought Illya could pull off. It was pretty clear that Illya was adjusting her moves on the fly to suit her smaller frame.

Fortunately she had plenty of experience in her 'younger' form, even if her current body wasn't as used to long periods of sparring yet.

There was a loud clash, a even louder crack, and the two weapons broke in a rather spectacular way.

The two were barely breathing hard, both both were grinning madly in a manner that spoke of many repeat 'spars' later.

"It's fun to fight a skilled opponent with no strings attached, isn't it Saber?" said Iris.

Saber was actually smiling as she replied.

"Agreed. I had not expecting to have such an enjoyable match when I was summoned. Where is Kiritsugu though?"

"Daddy's blowing up the hotel that belongs to Avenger's master. Maiya's out helping him, since he knows only a suicidal moron would attack the castle with all of us here," said Illya cheerfully.

Saber twitched.

"And why is it that he's doing that instead of an honorable fight?"

"Because Avenger's Master is a typical Magus and someone who wouldn't hesitate to murder the Overseer just to get a command seal," deadpanned Archer.

"And because he knows you hate stabbing these idiots in the back. Though that idiot totally deserves a beat down. Arrogant prick," muttered Iris.

Saber clearly didn't like it. Then Iris said something that filled her with dread.

"So Irisviel... from what I understand you have a basic idea of how to drive. Think you can teach me?"

Saber, who remembered far too vividly how Irisviel drove, paled white as a sheet.

It was bad enough that her Master drove like a lunatic. The last thing the world needed was a second one.

"NO!" yelped Saber in terror.

"Why not? I think it would be a wonderful opportunity to bond with my...daughter," said Irisviel almost looking hurt.

Archer was trying very, very hard not to laugh at the look of panic on Saber's face.

"Why don't you try teaching Irisviel how to fight? Since everyone seems to believe she's one of the Masters, she's almost certainly going to be a target," suggested Gil.

Saber nodded emphatically at the idea. It was a sound idea and kept Irisviel from teaching her adopted daughter bad habits that could get others killed.

Especially any of her unlucky passengers.