"Teacher!" Genos' voice exploded from his scrawny body and practically shook the tiny apartment. "Of course I do not need a diaper! My status of physical being is new, not my mind and rectal functions!" Genos twisted his face into an indignant frown, his face the color of the gloves hanging in Saitama's closet.

"Uh, yeah," Saitama said, peeking past his shoulder to cock an eyebrow at Genos, who was leaning on him for support. "Last I checked, you didn't pee as a cyborg. So, like, that makes your, uh, rectal functions pretty new."

"I assure you that I-!"

Saitama held up a hand. "Okay, okay, I got it. I feel kind of weird talking about this. You say you won't crap on the carpet, and I believe you. That's all that's really important."

"Teacher, I would never-"

"Okay, great. So let's not talk about it anymore." Saitama swung Genos around and set him down in front of the kotatsu monopolizing most of the living room floor. "Especially since I'm about to make lunch."

"Allow me, teacher, and you rest. It's the least I can do after you so kindly opened your home back up to me-"

"Dude, you can't even walk straight for more than ten steps. Don't give me that."

"But-"

"But nothin'." Saitama threw on their pink apron and made a ruckus in the kitchen while digging out a frying pan.

Genos huffed, and tucked his knees underneath himself to sit up in his normal seiza position. He sat in pensive silence for a moment, but began to wobble in place as a look of pained concentration glossed over his features

Saitama peered over at him from the kitchen sink. "Do I need to walk you to the toilet?"

"No." Genos strained.

"Are you lying?"

"Of course not! Why would you think that?"

"Because you are totally doing the potty dance there, man."

Genos threw his head into the air, his face brightening again, more from effort than embarrassment. "I assure you I am doing no such thing."

Saitama opened his mouth to retort, but Genos chose that exact moment to topple over onto the floor.

Saitama scurried back to the living room and caught him before he made contact. "You're not allowed to break yourself the first day you're here," he said. "It's not good to hold it for so long."

"I do not need to use the restroom!" the boy said.

""Aw man, did you already…?"

"No! I only lost my balance!" Genos valiantly tried to perch back up on his toes and knees again. He again trembled from the effort, and then finally collapsed back into Saitama.

A string of hushed curses escaped Genos's mouth.

Saitama watched him try and fail a third time, and then grabbed the boy by the waist before he could make a fourth attempt. "Sorry, but that's not working, and you know it."

"I can surely sit correctly on my own if I keep trying! Practice makes perfect."

Saitama held him still. "So does physical therapy. You gotta take it easy first."

"But teacher, you did not achieve such strength through a gradual buildup in your training regimen. You gave it your all right from the beginning, and never let up for a moment. That is why you are the greatest." Genos smiled and thrust his chin in the air. "Since I wish to follow your example, I must also be ready to begin such a strenuous training schedule myself, on the morrow. My body may be weak today, but surely after pushing my limits in the extreme, I will get stronger and-"

Saitama gently squeezed Genos's midsection, and the boy's monologue transformed into a simple wheeze.

"Yeah, no. I'm not about to let you put yourself through that hell when you can't even sit up by yourself," Saitama said.

Genos's childish frown set more deeply into his face beneath his already reddened cheeks.

"Man, don't pout."

"I'm not pouting, teacher."

"Dude."

"I'm not."

"Genos."

"I am not!"

"Okay, whatever." Saitama picked up Genos, tuned out his protests, and set him back down with his legs facing outwards in front of him. Then, he arranged them so that they were splayed out from his torso at a wide angle. "There."

Genos thankfully remained upright, but he clung to Saitama's shoulder like a terrified cat wedging its claws into the ground for security. "This feels very undignified," he said. He squirmed and struggled to close his legs.

"It's not like my apartment's all that dignified in the first place," Saitama said, spreading Genos' legs back out and arranging the blanket of the nearby kotatsu over his feet. "Though I guess this new table is sort of an improvement."

"Indeed, it is new. How negligent of me." Genos rubbed the ends of the blanket together in his hands. "When did you acquire such a nice kotatsu, teacher?"

"Huh?" Saitama looked from Genos's wide eyes and bandaged head to the patterned blanket in his hands. The cats woven into the fabric waved up at him in perfect synchronization. "I got it yesterday."

"Was there a sale?"

Saitama snorted. "I wish."

Genos gasped. "Teacher made a purchase at full price?"

"Don't remind me."

Genos amused himself by rubbing the soft fabric of the kotatsu blanket between his fingers and tracing over the smooth lacquered wood of the tabletop. He scooted closer to the heater sitting beneath it, and then finally lay down on his side and rolled so that his entire backside was under the blanket.

Saitama returned to the living room with two bowls of rice covered in beef and a sauce, complete with chopsticks. He appraised the boy's new position, and then put one bowl on the table and plopped down on the floor with the other.

The blankets rustled, and Genos's eyes and the crown of his bandaged head appeared over the lip of the table. He pulled himself into a sitting position and picked up his bowl and chopsticks.

Then, Genos promptly spilled his lunch all over the kotatsu and the floor.

Saitama groaned.

Genos swiftly scooped as much of the food back into his bowl and set it back on the table. "It was only a momentary fit of clumsiness!" He tried to wipe at the stains with his hands. "It was never my intention to soil teacher's new, fully priced purchase!"

Saitama groaned louder. "You talk too much even as a human," he lamented.

"Th-that was exactly twenty words!"

Saitama looked to the heavens for guidance. Then, he took a deep breath and walked on his knees over to Genos, bowl in hand. "We'll worry about that mess later," he said.

"I am so sorry, Sai-"

Saitama shoved a wad of rice into Genos's mouth with his chopsticks. "I need you to be fed, not sorry."

Genos chewed and swallowed. Then, he made a face.

"What?"

"Ah, n-nothing."

Saitama eyed the boy, but then shoved another bite into his mouth.

Genos swallowed it, too, but with an egregious amount of effort. He held up a hand to the next bit of food offered to him. "I can feed myself, thank you."

Saitama swiftly sent his next piece of beef around Genos's hand and past his lips. "If you hadn't spilled it all over yourself, I might be inclined to believe you."

"W-well, I'm not, ah," Genos was interrupted by yet another morsel. He choked it down. "I'm full! Thank you!"

Saitama clicked the ends of his chopsticks together once. "Are you, now?"

"Yes! Truly! Thank you!"

Saitama sat back on his haunches and rested his chopsticks so that they perched, idle and non-threatening, on the lip of his bowl.

Then, Genos's stomach gurgled.

The chopsticks lifted off the side of the bowl. "You lying brat."

Genos's eyes were the size of saucers. "I, ah, perhaps that was the sound of my food settling in my new stoma-"

Saitama forced more food into his mouth. "I already spent enough getting a kotatsu for you! I'm not about to spoil you rotten by catering to your new tastebuds like some kinda on-call chef! You don't even know what you like anymore, do you?!"

Bits of rice flew out of Genos' mouth as he spoke. "Teacher bought this for me?"

Saitama's answer was to feed him another piece of beef smothered in soy sauce. "Don't talk with your mouth full! You'll get it everywhere you haven't already gotten it!"

"Yes, teacher!"

"Don't shout with your mouth full, either! I don't wanna look at that!"

Genos obediently clamped his mouth closed and chewed, his eyes watery and sparkling, and ate the rest of his meal without complaint.