Barba practically sprinted to the Hospital - it was over a mile, and normally he'd drive or take a taxi, but his hands were shaking.

He wasn't a cocky person. Well, for the most part. But he knew he could try this case. But he also knew Casey was right - that there was a conflict of interest, and that the Bar Association could discipline him.

He was the SVU ADA. Not Novak. Her license was suspended for years.

That was unfair. He was being unfair. He knew that she was a good ADA - Benson said so, and he trusted Olivia's judgment. He knew it was his hubris talking, insisting that he be the one to prosecute the case despite all the problems associated it. If he was the judge, he'd throw himself out of the court.

By the time he got to the hospital, he had practically sweated through his undershirt. The downside of wearing suits all the time - multiple layers were always required. He tugged on his tie to loosen it, unbuttoning the top button of his shirt as he made his way to the ER where Noelia's room was.

The room was dark, with both Noelia asleep in her bed and Amelia asleep in a chair beside it. He waited to turn on the light for a moment, looking between the two. He could see the knot on Noelia's head from this angle despite her hair.

He realized then he'd never really had the chance to look at them. Not really. While Noelia looked way more like Mel than she looked like him, he could see that they had the same chin and slight slant in the nose. She was tanner than the both of them - then again, she probably actually went outside, whereas he and Amelia worked too much to get much sunlight. At least when he wasn't on someone else's yacht.

He thought back to what Mel's mother said at her house - did his own mother know about Noelia all these years? And say nothing? He'd have to ask her about that. He'd have the time, given the DA seemed to be passing out his caseload to any ADA in the office.

He looked at Mel, who looked uncomfortable in her current sleeping position, her neck awkwardly positioned. She still wore the same scrubs she'd been wearing when Noelia first went missing. Her short, straightened hair started to frizz out. She needed to clean herself up. He gently touched her shoulder, nudging her awake.

"Huh?" Amelia asked, rubbing her eyes and blinking at him.

"Come on, let's get out of here. She needs rest." Amelia opened her mouth to protest, but he held a finger to his lips; he knew she wouldn't want to wake Noelia. She stood up groggily, dead on her feet - he held a hand out as she stumbled but she caught herself. They walked out of the hospital room.

"You need to shower, and put on real clothes, and eat something."

"I'm not leaving this hospital." She insisted, her voice still lowered.

"You look awful."

"Thanks."

"Let's just go to your house. An hour. Shower, clothes, food, we'll be right back. Besides, a concussion that bad doesn't she need to sleep? You shouldn't even talk to her that much, the stimulation of her brain is bad. WebMD says so." He started walking towards the exit, turning back when he saw she wasn't following. She glared at him, her hands in fists at her side, yet she still came, matching his pace.

"You're an asshole." She said grumpily.

"Someone is tired and hungry. This is why we're getting you out of here." He said, waving down a taxi as they got outside, hopping in and giving the driver Amelia's address.

She rested her head against the window as they drove, still exhausted. Rafael resisted the urge to reach out and take her hand. He'd never realized what a weird place he'd left their relationship in all those years ago. One minute they were together and happy, the next he'd kicked her out. He remembered the weeks after they'd broken up, rolling over in bed and expecting to find her, only to see empty space. Or - and he wasn't proud of it - someone else.

He didn't need to rationalize his behavior. He knew why he'd done it, and he knew that 25-year-old Barba thought it was the right thing to do. They were at weird points in their life - even if she hadn't gotten pregnant, what if she wanted to go to grad school outside of the city? Be a travel nurse? Just want to move to Cleveland to be closer to her sister, like she technically did? The one challenge of being a lawyer is a lack of job mobility - getting licensed in another state wasn't a laughing matter. He'd hold her back geographically.

He ignored the nagging feeling in the back of his head that he was kidding himself. The only reason she'd left was that she was pregnant and she knew he'd be ashamed. Or at least, thought he'd be ashamed. He wished he could identify which emotion past-Barba would have felt, but that sort of speculation seemed useless.

He thought of the weeks after she'd left. The way his ears would pick up when he thought he heard her voice, or how he'd walk in the park nearest Hudson, hoping to run into her. He couldn't call her - that'd be admitting he fucked up.

He thought of Ashley, the prosecutor he'd worked who tried to start seeing him the moment he was single. He'd told her he had a girlfriend.

"Barba, you broke up with whatsherface weeks ago, what are you talking about?"

He shook the memory of Ashley's voice out of his mind just as the cab pulled to a stop in front of Mel's building. She came to at the movement of the car, thanking the driver and pulling out her wallet. He rolled his eyes, ignoring her as he handed the driver some cash.

"Keep the change." He said, getting out.

"Rafael I have money, I could pay for the cab ride." She insisted as they started walking up the stairs.

"You know, there are buildings in town that have these magical things called elevators." He told her as they walked. His undershirt already wet from his walk to the hospital, clung to him even more.

"Do you remember how expensive New York is?" She reminded him, unlocking the two deadbolts. "I'm fine; I can get myself back to the hospital."

"Just go shower and change, we'll go eat, and I'll get us a cab back to the hospital. Cooperate for five minutes." He told her, sitting on the couch and taking out his phone to check his emails. She was getting frustrated with him, but she was also too tired to protest. Barba was both comforted and slightly annoyed by her easily manipulated nature.

"Are you ready?" She asked as she reemerged. Barba's mouth opened, then closed. He realized that this entire time, in the last few weeks, he hadn't seen her in regular clothes - she'd always been in scrubs. The jeans she wore hugged her hips and thighs, her flowing red shirt tucked in at the front but loose in the back. Her hair - which she always had straightened - twisted in damp curls. He could tell she'd slathered on foundation and mascara - probably to make herself look like less of a zombie after her lack of sleep.

"You look good." He said finally, standing.

"I thought I looked awful." She said, throwing his words back at him as she grabbed a jacket. He rolled his eyes.

"Where is there to eat on this block?" He said, putting his phone in his pocket and walking out the front door with Mel behind him.

"You said we'd go back to the hospital."

"After we eat. I may be a lawyer, but I'm pretty sure there's some science about food being an important thing to consume on a daily basis. You haven't." She didn't respond and just began the trek down the flights of stairs. He considered inviting her back to his place to eat so he could also change clothes. He found a diner down the block, and they went inside. It was a weekday, at the awkward time between breakfast and lunch. He sat across from her in the booth, watching as she pulled a straw out of the cup at their table and started tearing up the wrapper.

"Nervous?" He asked, trying to have a hint of a smile in his voice. He was never good at friendly small-talk, whether that be at networking events with big law associates, politicians, or women who happened to be the mother of his child. He watched a blush come up her cheeks, but the look on her face wasn't nerves. She was mad at him. But despite the fury hiding under those dark eyes, she remained silent until the waitress came up.

Barba ordered an omelet and the largest container for coffee they had. Amelia ordered sausage gravy and biscuits, drinking water. She needed the caffeine but also needed to keep her hands from shaking.

Barba took this time to watch her more carefully, deciphering what changes occurred since he last saw her all those years ago. He could see she'd gained weight, but not in an unattractive way. It made her features softer; he liked the way her collarbones no longer stuck out of her shoulders, the more gentle line of her jaw. She had no signs of age in her face; her skin was still smooth and even, with only a hint of laugh lines at the corner of her eyes. She looked way better than he did, with greying hair and frown lines that seemed deeper every time he looked in the mirror. Wonderful contemplating your mortality over breakfast.

While he normally hated silence, he remembered how comforting silence had always been with Amelia. He knew he was being selfish; he should be as worried about Noelia as she was. She was a wreck, and he had a slightly damp undershirt and a vendetta against Novak. The discrepancy between how he felt and how she felt reminded him of their differences. Her bleeding heart versus his made of ice.

Okay, he was a little dramatic.

"Tell me a story." He said finally, having finished his food but still working through yet another cup of coffee the waitress had brought him.

"A story." She repeated, picking at a piece of biscuit on her place.

"Yes. I haven't seen you in over a decade. I'm sure there's something you could tell me that could distract us from current events. About you."

She sighed, not knowing how to answer.

"One of my classmates from my BSN program in Cleveland was sexually assaulted. The doctor who spoke to her… he basically read from a checklist of things to say to victims. It was disgusting to me, so I decided to be a SANE nurse. To make sure that in such a low moment in someone's life, they'd at least have a nurse who cared and wasn't just the bottom of a seniority totem pole."

That wasn't his idea of a happy story, but he tilted his head in consideration. He wondered what people he knew who experience sexual assault without ever telling him. People who needed a friendly face when they were afraid to count on their friends. Amelia was good for that role.

They finally got back to the hospital. They'd been gone a little over two hours. Barba thought about the phone calls he'd have to make the second he left the hospital again before getting distracted by a man outside of Noelia's room.

Although he was sitting, Rafael could tell he was tall. His legs looked too long for the chair he sat in. His hair was blonde, cropped shorter on the sides, longer on top where it was combed back and parted off to the side. He looked suspiciously like that actor who played Captain America - too large, with too nice of hair. Rafael wondered what he was doing outside his daughter's room.

"Amy!" The blonde man said, standing up. Barba looked around to see who he could be speaking to, before watching Amelia gasp and start running forward.

In one fluid motion the man was on his feet, Amelia's arms around his neck as he swung her in a circle like a child. She started crying the second she entered his arms, and he held her like a lover, a hand resting along the curve of her neck. Barba's felt himself tighten his jaw in annoyance.

"Matthew!" Amelia said between her sobs, her face buried against his stupid, broad chest. Barba moved closer, clearing his throat.

"Hello." Barba looked at the man, clearing wanting his attention. The man looked down at him, literally speaking before an easy smile came on his face.

"I'm Dr. Rowland." The new man said, holding his hand out. "I came once I heard Noelia was in the hospital."

"But Matthew, your patients-"

"-All have wonderful nurses and residents who can help them." He interrupted her. Barba shook Dr. Rowland's hand.

"And how do you know my daughter?" Barba said, the word sounding foreign and forced on his lips but he couldn't help it. He wanted to prove he had more right to be there than whoever this man was.

"Um….I was Amy's fiance." He answered, connecting the dots, his words coming out evenly. "We had to break off the engagement when she found out she had to move back to New York."

Barba looked between Amelia and this newly discovered former fiance. A doctor. Typical. He hated that this man called her Amy. It was a terrible name, easily the worst of any Amelia derivative. Barba forced a smile across his lips.

"Well, it was lovely to meet you, Mark."

"It's Matthew."

"Right. But I have to head back to the office. I suppose Amelia will be fine in your hands." He said with a tilt to his head, a clear challenge. The other man ignored the sharp tone of his voice.

"Of course. It was a pleasure to meet you." Matthew said, before Amelia started walking to Noelia's room, apparently too shocked by his appearance to notice the tension between the two men. He followed Amelia into the room while Barba turned on his heels, ready to punch something - or, at least, to write some snarky emails to Novak about her prosecution strategy.

Author's note: I'm back from the dead! Kind of - I graduated from law school, have a Big Kid job and will hopefully have more free time to actually write and finish this. Thank you everyone who has followed and left comments when I fell off the face of the earth!