How Far?
Chapter Twenty: Immortal
Disclaimer: I do not own Lizzie McGuire
A/N: Due to the fact that I haven't been to a funeral since I was five, I don't exactly know what happens at a funeral, so please bear with me.
Matt looked out the car window at the sky which now looked like fire because of the sunset. He adjusted his black tie and fixed the sleeves of his black suit. He had never imagined that he would be going to Melina's funeral so soon, he thought when he did he would have been dead already. On the other side of the car was Lizzie who had her head against the window and looked out her window with sad eyes. She never liked funerals, not that anyone really does, but they always made her think about what would happen when she died. Would people come and be crying or would they not even show their faces?
The van pulled into the funeral home parking lot and the McGuire family exited the van. Jo looked at Matt who had been depressed because of his friend's death. He had spent most of his time in his studio in the shed and hadn't talked to anyone really.
Jo looked at Lizzie, "Lizzie, um you go inside and find us some seats." Lizzie nodded and walked towards the door as she tried to make her black knee length skirt appear longer.
Jo and Sam then turned to Matt who stood there as still as a statue, "Matt, we just wanted to tell you how sorry we are that Melina.died. We just want to tell you that you've been being really strong during this whole ordeal and we want to commend you on your maturity."
Matt scoffed. Could his parents be any cornier? They talked like they were psychiatrists, had they talked to the Gordon's lately?
Matt walked inside as Jo and Sam followed him from behind and examined their son. Besides being in mourning, he was absolutely heart broken. As much as Sam and Jo tried to understand their son's pain, but unfortunately they couldn't. Matt had always been one to hide his feelings away and never express them, he had always been one to put all of his feelings into a jar and never open up the jar.
They all sat down where Lizzie had been saving the seats for them. In front of the room was a burgundy casket with flowers on top of it. Natalie Bianco- Cox and her daughter Kelly sat in the front. Their crystal blue eyes were dripping with salty tears down their face. Their hair was in ringlets that were pulled up in a ponytail and two ringlets framed their oval shaped faces. They looked like weeping angels.
Gordo sat in the back corner of the funeral home. He tried to hide himself among the nameless faces who knew that he was the reason everyone was their bawling their eyes out. He was the reason Melina killed herself. He didn't know why Melina would like or even love him. He always thought Melina liked the bad boys who were the class clowns, like Matt. Gordo sighed. It was another thing to put on his list of things he didn't know. The more he examined himself emotionally, the more confused he got. His bluish gray eyes were the window to his soul. If you looked into them you saw all of his guilt and pain. The only person he had talked to besides his parents, was Larry. Which probably wasn't the smartest choice because all his parents and Larry did was psychoanalyze him. He hated it. He absolutely hated it.
Lanny Onasis and his parents Shelly and Carl walked into the funeral home and spotted the McGuire's and sat in the same row that they were in. They exchanged greetings and were then quiet. Shelly Onasis owned a catering company on Fredrick Street and Carl was a veterinarian and often volunteered at the animal shelter near 3rd avenue. His parents had met in high school after Shelly and Carl danced together in gym class during the dance unit. They were paired up at random and was the best couple there.
A few minutes later, Larry, Miranda, and Parker shuffled into the building. No one really understood why Parker had come with Larry and Miranda. They all figured she was being nice, which no one could understand that either. It was very "Parker-like" to do something as paying her respects to someone she only knew of, everyone else just thought she was weird.
A bald man who appeared to be in his fifties stood up at the podium in front, "We are gathered here today to mourn the loss of Melina Bianco. She killed herself on October 7th, 2006. She was only fourteen years old." The man shuffled nervously and looked at Natalie who nodded and stepped up to the podium as the bald man sat down.
Natalie looked out at everyone and began to speak, "Melina was the feistiest person I have ever met in my life. She was very determined to get whatever she wanted when she wanted it. She never gave up.until last week. It makes me wonder, why did she give up? Why," her voice trailed off and became choked with tears and they streamed down her face. She ran off of the podium and retreated to her seat next to her daughter and cried. Kelly rubbed her mother's back in an attempt to make her feel better and started to cry as well.
A moment later, Kelly walked to the back and whispered something in Gordo's ear. Gordo shook his head, but Kelly looked at him and he decided to go up to the podium. He looked out at everyone.
"I've known Melina since she was in about fifth or sixth grade; she was friends with Matt McGuire, which is my friend, Lizzie's, little brother. The chemistry between Matt and Melina was something that amused me. They were so competitive and I always thought they would end up together, that won't happen. I never thought that Melina would even like me. Let's face facts, I'm no stud. I never expected it either. Never could have seen it coming. Everyone in this room probably hates me. I know of one or two who do. I never wanted Melina to kill herself; I never did anything to provoke her to do it. Yet, I didn't do anything to stop it. Everyone in this room is going to move on and she'll just become a distant memory stuck in the back of your mind along with past beaus. But people like me, Ms. Bianco, Kelly, Matt, Lanny, and anyone else who were extremely close to Melina will have to live with this for the rest of our lives. Not only do I feel immensely guilty for not doing anything to stop, I wonder how it would have been like to be in Melina's situation. I have before. As corny as it sounds, I was in love with one of my best friends who was too blind to see that I did have feelings for her. I mused over her; I would have done anything to even have any kind of romantic relationship with her. That's all in the past though. Melina, wherever you are, we all miss you and we all love you," he stepped from the podium and a smile beamed from Matt's face, the first smile that he had smiled for almost a week had been caused by the person he hated so much for taking the thing that he loved so dearly away.
Matt smiled at the fact that Gordo was guilty; all of his blaming him actually was worth something as bad as it sounded.
Yet again, Matt could have always told Melina his feelings for her. Maybe it would have been different and they would have been happy together. No, he thought. You didn't do anything wrong, everything is all Gordo's fault. If he wasn't alive, Melina wouldn't have killed herself. Now, he couldn't give a eulogy. He couldn't bring himself to. As much as he wanted to tell everyone about he felt about Melina, he couldn't bring himself too. All of his feelings had to be bottled up inside of him. On the inside he was hurt and crying all of the time, but on the outside he was happy and vibrant. Everyone had to think there was nothing wrong with Matt; he didn't want people pestering him about being depressed.
Eulogy after eulogy was said. Many people that Matt didn't know came up to the podium and spoke about Melina. Most of them were distant relatives that he had never seen in his life time. He still wanted to speak and say everything he had ever felt in his life about Melina, but he couldn't. He just couldn't. He looked for the words in his head but he couldn't describe his feelings in words, he could draw them and paint them, but speak them or write them.
He looked out the window and saw the cemetery about fifty feet from the funeral home. He knew that's where Melina was going to be buried. He thought it would have been better for her to be buried in Oregon for some strange reason. Probably because then he couldn't go and visit her grave a lot and reminisce. He wanted to forget everything about Melina. He wanted many things, but couldn't have them. He was used to it though.
Soon after it was time for Melina to be buried, as everyone got up and went to the cemetery, he got out of there. He couldn't bear to see the final thing that would prove that Melina was dead; it was too much for him. He sat on the hood of the car and basked in the sunset. The red, yellow, and orange hues in the sky made it look as though the sky was on fire. He knew his parents would notice he was missing, yet he didn't care. He would be coming back, Melina wouldn't though. Nothing is forever. Nothing is immortal. He heard footsteps come towards the car and jumped. He immediately got off of the hood and looked around. He saw a figure with curly hair walk towards him. He rolled his eyes at Gordo.
"Don't worry, I couldn't go either. You know why. I'm a killer," he scoffed.
"You're damn right," Matt sighed.
"Are you honestly going to hate me for the rest of my life," Gordo asked.
Matt gave no answer. Gordo took that as a "yes" and sighed. He hated the fact that Matt hated him; it made him feel worse about the whole situation. He couldn't believe the audacity that Matt had to blame him. He didn't even do anything, which might have been a reputable reason, but still.
"Don't you hate when people analyze you," Gordo asked to break the awkward silence.
"They can't analyze me."
"Why?"
"No one knows the real me. They all think I'm this funny guy who doesn't give a shit about anything. They're wrong though. I am one of the most depressed basket cases I know, which is quite frightening. I feel as though no one would understand me, so I put on this mask, so no one has to understand me."
Gordo was in awe. He never could have imagined Matt would be this.deep. This was yet again something he wouldn't have expected or guessed.
"I hate when my parents analyze me. I feel like I'm their guinea pig. They think I'm regressing or some bullshit like that. It's so.vexing. I mean, I'm their son, not their lab rat. Then I talk to Larry this week so he can try and help me, but he just ends up analyzing me even more. I was this close to wringing his neck," he sighed angrily. "You know, according to Larry, you and Melina have a lot in common."
"What do you mean?"
"You both put on masks. She pretends to be this tough chick that has a heart of steal, but in reality it's a heart of glass. She's so complex and she's not shallow like Lizzie. Kind of makes me wonder what it would have been like to date Melina. I mean, yet again it would be awkward dating a freshman, but still. She seems very interesting. I won't have my chance though," he sighed. "Why do I even bother? You hate me. You won't listen to me. I'll be going."
Gordo walked away into the distance leaving Matt by himself. Matt stood under a street light. It seemed to highlight his depression and loneliness even more. He looked like he was in an overdone scene of a movie where one of the characters sulks under the street light and it makes him look like a brooding bad boy.
He then saw Larry walking towards him with a notebook. It was purple and had pink hearts on it.
"Matt, Gordo just told me everything about your little 'confrontation'. Listen, Melina thought I gave her back her diary notebook thing, but I just gave her a blank one so I could read over her notebook. Listen, things in here might make you mad at Melina, but if you won't listen to Gordo or me.you'll listen to Melina," Larry sighed before handing him the notebook and walking off.
Matt picked it up and looked through it. Her loopy handwriting covered all of the pages of the notebook.
He started to read the first page, "Today was the last day of summer vacation. Matt and I were looking through yearbooks outside his house on the porch. I looked up at Lizzie's bedroom window and saw that the blinds were closed. Gordo was there. Lizzie is such a slut. Lizzie doesn't deserve Gordo, I do. I could be his everything and be honest to him and everything. I can't believe I've liked him since seventh grade, it's quite a feat for me who doesn't get attached to people that easily."
Matt now had all the answers for everything he wanted to know about Melina. The question was whether he wanted his questions to be answered or not. Now he had the window inside the soul of Melina. Her loopy handwriting and writings of hate and fury were the writings that he needed so he could look into that window, without looking into her eyes.
[A/N: Okay, that was probably a bad ending, but me being uncreative; I had no other ideas for an ending. Yet again I feel as though this story was kind of melodramatic towards the end, so I'll understand if people hate the ending. Please review with your thoughts for the LAST time. Thank you.]
Chapter Twenty: Immortal
Disclaimer: I do not own Lizzie McGuire
A/N: Due to the fact that I haven't been to a funeral since I was five, I don't exactly know what happens at a funeral, so please bear with me.
Matt looked out the car window at the sky which now looked like fire because of the sunset. He adjusted his black tie and fixed the sleeves of his black suit. He had never imagined that he would be going to Melina's funeral so soon, he thought when he did he would have been dead already. On the other side of the car was Lizzie who had her head against the window and looked out her window with sad eyes. She never liked funerals, not that anyone really does, but they always made her think about what would happen when she died. Would people come and be crying or would they not even show their faces?
The van pulled into the funeral home parking lot and the McGuire family exited the van. Jo looked at Matt who had been depressed because of his friend's death. He had spent most of his time in his studio in the shed and hadn't talked to anyone really.
Jo looked at Lizzie, "Lizzie, um you go inside and find us some seats." Lizzie nodded and walked towards the door as she tried to make her black knee length skirt appear longer.
Jo and Sam then turned to Matt who stood there as still as a statue, "Matt, we just wanted to tell you how sorry we are that Melina.died. We just want to tell you that you've been being really strong during this whole ordeal and we want to commend you on your maturity."
Matt scoffed. Could his parents be any cornier? They talked like they were psychiatrists, had they talked to the Gordon's lately?
Matt walked inside as Jo and Sam followed him from behind and examined their son. Besides being in mourning, he was absolutely heart broken. As much as Sam and Jo tried to understand their son's pain, but unfortunately they couldn't. Matt had always been one to hide his feelings away and never express them, he had always been one to put all of his feelings into a jar and never open up the jar.
They all sat down where Lizzie had been saving the seats for them. In front of the room was a burgundy casket with flowers on top of it. Natalie Bianco- Cox and her daughter Kelly sat in the front. Their crystal blue eyes were dripping with salty tears down their face. Their hair was in ringlets that were pulled up in a ponytail and two ringlets framed their oval shaped faces. They looked like weeping angels.
Gordo sat in the back corner of the funeral home. He tried to hide himself among the nameless faces who knew that he was the reason everyone was their bawling their eyes out. He was the reason Melina killed herself. He didn't know why Melina would like or even love him. He always thought Melina liked the bad boys who were the class clowns, like Matt. Gordo sighed. It was another thing to put on his list of things he didn't know. The more he examined himself emotionally, the more confused he got. His bluish gray eyes were the window to his soul. If you looked into them you saw all of his guilt and pain. The only person he had talked to besides his parents, was Larry. Which probably wasn't the smartest choice because all his parents and Larry did was psychoanalyze him. He hated it. He absolutely hated it.
Lanny Onasis and his parents Shelly and Carl walked into the funeral home and spotted the McGuire's and sat in the same row that they were in. They exchanged greetings and were then quiet. Shelly Onasis owned a catering company on Fredrick Street and Carl was a veterinarian and often volunteered at the animal shelter near 3rd avenue. His parents had met in high school after Shelly and Carl danced together in gym class during the dance unit. They were paired up at random and was the best couple there.
A few minutes later, Larry, Miranda, and Parker shuffled into the building. No one really understood why Parker had come with Larry and Miranda. They all figured she was being nice, which no one could understand that either. It was very "Parker-like" to do something as paying her respects to someone she only knew of, everyone else just thought she was weird.
A bald man who appeared to be in his fifties stood up at the podium in front, "We are gathered here today to mourn the loss of Melina Bianco. She killed herself on October 7th, 2006. She was only fourteen years old." The man shuffled nervously and looked at Natalie who nodded and stepped up to the podium as the bald man sat down.
Natalie looked out at everyone and began to speak, "Melina was the feistiest person I have ever met in my life. She was very determined to get whatever she wanted when she wanted it. She never gave up.until last week. It makes me wonder, why did she give up? Why," her voice trailed off and became choked with tears and they streamed down her face. She ran off of the podium and retreated to her seat next to her daughter and cried. Kelly rubbed her mother's back in an attempt to make her feel better and started to cry as well.
A moment later, Kelly walked to the back and whispered something in Gordo's ear. Gordo shook his head, but Kelly looked at him and he decided to go up to the podium. He looked out at everyone.
"I've known Melina since she was in about fifth or sixth grade; she was friends with Matt McGuire, which is my friend, Lizzie's, little brother. The chemistry between Matt and Melina was something that amused me. They were so competitive and I always thought they would end up together, that won't happen. I never thought that Melina would even like me. Let's face facts, I'm no stud. I never expected it either. Never could have seen it coming. Everyone in this room probably hates me. I know of one or two who do. I never wanted Melina to kill herself; I never did anything to provoke her to do it. Yet, I didn't do anything to stop it. Everyone in this room is going to move on and she'll just become a distant memory stuck in the back of your mind along with past beaus. But people like me, Ms. Bianco, Kelly, Matt, Lanny, and anyone else who were extremely close to Melina will have to live with this for the rest of our lives. Not only do I feel immensely guilty for not doing anything to stop, I wonder how it would have been like to be in Melina's situation. I have before. As corny as it sounds, I was in love with one of my best friends who was too blind to see that I did have feelings for her. I mused over her; I would have done anything to even have any kind of romantic relationship with her. That's all in the past though. Melina, wherever you are, we all miss you and we all love you," he stepped from the podium and a smile beamed from Matt's face, the first smile that he had smiled for almost a week had been caused by the person he hated so much for taking the thing that he loved so dearly away.
Matt smiled at the fact that Gordo was guilty; all of his blaming him actually was worth something as bad as it sounded.
Yet again, Matt could have always told Melina his feelings for her. Maybe it would have been different and they would have been happy together. No, he thought. You didn't do anything wrong, everything is all Gordo's fault. If he wasn't alive, Melina wouldn't have killed herself. Now, he couldn't give a eulogy. He couldn't bring himself to. As much as he wanted to tell everyone about he felt about Melina, he couldn't bring himself too. All of his feelings had to be bottled up inside of him. On the inside he was hurt and crying all of the time, but on the outside he was happy and vibrant. Everyone had to think there was nothing wrong with Matt; he didn't want people pestering him about being depressed.
Eulogy after eulogy was said. Many people that Matt didn't know came up to the podium and spoke about Melina. Most of them were distant relatives that he had never seen in his life time. He still wanted to speak and say everything he had ever felt in his life about Melina, but he couldn't. He just couldn't. He looked for the words in his head but he couldn't describe his feelings in words, he could draw them and paint them, but speak them or write them.
He looked out the window and saw the cemetery about fifty feet from the funeral home. He knew that's where Melina was going to be buried. He thought it would have been better for her to be buried in Oregon for some strange reason. Probably because then he couldn't go and visit her grave a lot and reminisce. He wanted to forget everything about Melina. He wanted many things, but couldn't have them. He was used to it though.
Soon after it was time for Melina to be buried, as everyone got up and went to the cemetery, he got out of there. He couldn't bear to see the final thing that would prove that Melina was dead; it was too much for him. He sat on the hood of the car and basked in the sunset. The red, yellow, and orange hues in the sky made it look as though the sky was on fire. He knew his parents would notice he was missing, yet he didn't care. He would be coming back, Melina wouldn't though. Nothing is forever. Nothing is immortal. He heard footsteps come towards the car and jumped. He immediately got off of the hood and looked around. He saw a figure with curly hair walk towards him. He rolled his eyes at Gordo.
"Don't worry, I couldn't go either. You know why. I'm a killer," he scoffed.
"You're damn right," Matt sighed.
"Are you honestly going to hate me for the rest of my life," Gordo asked.
Matt gave no answer. Gordo took that as a "yes" and sighed. He hated the fact that Matt hated him; it made him feel worse about the whole situation. He couldn't believe the audacity that Matt had to blame him. He didn't even do anything, which might have been a reputable reason, but still.
"Don't you hate when people analyze you," Gordo asked to break the awkward silence.
"They can't analyze me."
"Why?"
"No one knows the real me. They all think I'm this funny guy who doesn't give a shit about anything. They're wrong though. I am one of the most depressed basket cases I know, which is quite frightening. I feel as though no one would understand me, so I put on this mask, so no one has to understand me."
Gordo was in awe. He never could have imagined Matt would be this.deep. This was yet again something he wouldn't have expected or guessed.
"I hate when my parents analyze me. I feel like I'm their guinea pig. They think I'm regressing or some bullshit like that. It's so.vexing. I mean, I'm their son, not their lab rat. Then I talk to Larry this week so he can try and help me, but he just ends up analyzing me even more. I was this close to wringing his neck," he sighed angrily. "You know, according to Larry, you and Melina have a lot in common."
"What do you mean?"
"You both put on masks. She pretends to be this tough chick that has a heart of steal, but in reality it's a heart of glass. She's so complex and she's not shallow like Lizzie. Kind of makes me wonder what it would have been like to date Melina. I mean, yet again it would be awkward dating a freshman, but still. She seems very interesting. I won't have my chance though," he sighed. "Why do I even bother? You hate me. You won't listen to me. I'll be going."
Gordo walked away into the distance leaving Matt by himself. Matt stood under a street light. It seemed to highlight his depression and loneliness even more. He looked like he was in an overdone scene of a movie where one of the characters sulks under the street light and it makes him look like a brooding bad boy.
He then saw Larry walking towards him with a notebook. It was purple and had pink hearts on it.
"Matt, Gordo just told me everything about your little 'confrontation'. Listen, Melina thought I gave her back her diary notebook thing, but I just gave her a blank one so I could read over her notebook. Listen, things in here might make you mad at Melina, but if you won't listen to Gordo or me.you'll listen to Melina," Larry sighed before handing him the notebook and walking off.
Matt picked it up and looked through it. Her loopy handwriting covered all of the pages of the notebook.
He started to read the first page, "Today was the last day of summer vacation. Matt and I were looking through yearbooks outside his house on the porch. I looked up at Lizzie's bedroom window and saw that the blinds were closed. Gordo was there. Lizzie is such a slut. Lizzie doesn't deserve Gordo, I do. I could be his everything and be honest to him and everything. I can't believe I've liked him since seventh grade, it's quite a feat for me who doesn't get attached to people that easily."
Matt now had all the answers for everything he wanted to know about Melina. The question was whether he wanted his questions to be answered or not. Now he had the window inside the soul of Melina. Her loopy handwriting and writings of hate and fury were the writings that he needed so he could look into that window, without looking into her eyes.
[A/N: Okay, that was probably a bad ending, but me being uncreative; I had no other ideas for an ending. Yet again I feel as though this story was kind of melodramatic towards the end, so I'll understand if people hate the ending. Please review with your thoughts for the LAST time. Thank you.]