Note: So, this fic is going to include two (now three!) side stories to "The Third Time". I put them in an entirely separate piece because they don't really fit with the original stories the same way. I mean, they definitely connect and they go together, but they have a slightly different vibe and I like how the other two complement each other on their own. I didn't want to add anything else to that mix.

This first story wasn't something I meant to write, but a couple anon reviewers on "The Third Time" requested that I write a chapter in Gray's POV, so here it is. Not sure if they'll find it here since it isn't attached to the original story, but hey, I tried.

EDIT: Ah! Thank you for pointing out my anachronism, emmahoshi. These stories would take place shortly after Galuna Island, so Charle and Pantherlily should not have been mentioned in the the original one-shot. That is completely my fault and I'm going to go edit that out asap. My bad! Thanks again xD

Gray had to admit that this scheme to grab a bunch of jobs and run around the countryside for a few weeks was actually turning out to be a pretty good idea. He was no longer quite sure why he had proposed it in the first place though. The original intention had been to do something for Natsu's benefit, because Gray wasn't stupid and he had noticed how worried his friend had been. And Natsu was dead set on bothering Gray until he felt like he had done something to genuinely help the situation anyway. But Gray was starting to suspect that part of the reason he had wanted to go on this road trip with Natsu was purely selfish.

The past month and a half had been really hard for him with all the reminders of what had happened to his parents and Ur, and the reminders of what had almost happened to Natsu and the rest of his Fairy Tail friends. Natsu thought that the real issue was the nightmares, but they weren't even the start of the problem. If anything, they were just a side effect. The problem was just that Gray was sad. He felt depressed and guilty and overwhelmed by all those terrible things that he had never quite gotten over no matter how much time had passed.

And although he didn't like to admit it, being with Natsu helped that. Part of it was just that the dragon slayer was always so upbeat and silly that it was hard to stay in a bad mood around him, and all the jobs had kept Gray busy enough that he didn't have as much time to brood. The other part was that Natsu had been his best friend for a long time, and had been the one who had followed him on a job just to try snapping him out of his depressive haze. And it had worked, to an extent, because Natsu had been the only person to actually get through to Gray despite the fact that several people had made intermittent attempts in the month since Galuna. Gray had to give him credit for that.

Perhaps even more impressive was that Natsu had managed to keep him out of his introspective depression, for the most part. After that one job that Natsu had tagged along on, the two mages had gone back to the guild and cheerfully argued until they agreed on five jobs they would take for their little trip. Then they had dodged all of Erza's warnings and hopeful looks—honestly, why did she still bother? Didn't she realize that they were damn good friends by now, fighting or not?—and hurried out the door just as soon as they had told everyone goodbye, explained to Lucy why they absolutely could not help her make her rent payment this month no matter how persuasive she thought she was, and convinced Happy and Erza that it was their job to help Lucy with her rent instead.

After that, they traveled around by train—thankfully the potion Gray had picked up seemed to help a little, even if it couldn't get rid of Natsu's motion sickness completely—and proceeded to terrorize the countryside. Well, they had actually kept the terrorizing to a minimum, aside from the dark guilds and various villainous characters they had run into on their jobs. The unnaturally good behavior was mostly thanks to Gray keeping Natsu in line.

Not that Natsu made it easy. The fire-breathing idiot had spent half of the previous day whining about how he wanted burn down the mayor's mansion. Gray was tempted to agree since this mayor was arrogant and rude, flat-out lied about how powerful the dark guild harassing his town was in the job request, and had withheld part of the mages' reward because they had damaged some of the town buildings. Which was only because the dark guild had been twice as big as Natsu and Gray had been led to believe, making some damage inevitable. But the two friends had been on their best behavior up to this point so as to not attract the wrath of Erza or the Council, and Gray didn't want to ruin that streak when they were already on their last job.

Despite the surprising lack of destruction and fighting, the trip had been fun and Gray was a little disappointed that they'd be heading back to the guild tomorrow. It had been a two-week vacation of sorts, providing him with a break from some of the worries and troubles his life had brought him lately. There had been some fun fights and a lot of good-natured teasing and some good—if far less emotion-oriented—bonding time.

But that wasn't to say that everything had been perfect. There had been a few nights when Gray had woken up gasping for air, clawing his way out of a nightmare. Once or twice he had spent the rest of the night staring blankly at the ceiling and pretending to be asleep when Natsu finally started to stir, but for the most part the dreams weren't so bad that he was too reluctant to go back to sleep. Well, sometimes they were still pretty bad, but he was wary of staying up all night because he didn't want Natsu to find out about them.

He thought that Natsu might suspect that not everything was well yet, but he hadn't actually been woken up by Gray in the middle of the night again after that first time. Gray would rather keep it that way, because last time the idiot had gotten it into his head that it was a good idea to stay up all night to sit with him as he slept. He appreciated the gesture, really, but Natsu had been a mess the next day and Gray didn't want him to have to do that again. It was already bad enough that he had picked up a new habit of refusing to go to bed until he was sure that Gray was asleep and not planning to stay up all night. Oh, he thought he was being sneaky, pretending to be asleep while he kept one eye on his friend, but Gray had caught on to his tricks.

Gray had considered calling him on it, but decided to leave it be. It was kind of touching, and if it eased some of Natsu's concern about Gray's mental state then more power to him. It was better than having him freaking out about everything.

But with how closely Natsu was monitoring Gray, perhaps it was inevitable that they would have to have another nighttime chat eventually.

Gray woke with a gasp and a sob, automatically jerking up to a sitting position in his panic. His head promptly banged into something hard, and he flailed backwards with a surprised yelp. Still half-asleep, he peered at the intruder blearily.

"Natsu?" he asked slowly. The dragon slayer had apparently been leaning over Gray when he had woken and sat up abruptly, and had now collapsed on the edge of the bed to rub at his forehead with a grimace. "What the hell are you doing?"

Natsu scowled over at him, his narrowed eyes glinting in the faint moonlight streaming through the window, but his irritated expression quickly melted into something resembling worry.

"You were having a nightmare," he said, pushing at one of Gray's legs. "Scooch over." Gray immediately retracted his legs and folded them under the blankets, and Natsu slid over so that he was seated more comfortably on the bed and crossed his legs.

"You were tossing and turning and mumbling things," he continued. "You even cried out a couple of times. I was trying to wake you up, but it was kind of hard because you were really out. And you know what else is hard? Your skull. Damn, that hurt."

Gray tried to laugh, but it sounded strangled and breathy and didn't serve to assuage Natsu's concern. If anything, the dragon slayer's frown deepened.

"Sorry I woke you up," Gray apologized, although he was only half-focused on Natsu. He was jittery and on edge from the vague sense of dread and fear the nightmare had left him with, and his eyes darted around the darkened room frantically as if he actually expected something to jump out at him.

"It's okay," Natsu responded automatically. "Calm down," he added sharply, waving his hand in front of Gray's face. Gray flinched back at the unexpected movement, but at least it caught his attention and snapped him out of his half-formed panic. He abruptly stilled, his jerky motions ceasing as he stared at his friend with wide eyes. Natsu stared right back, but then his gaze slowly drifted downwards to rest on something else. "Why are you doing that?"

The question caught Gray off guard and he blinked at Natsu in confusion for a moment before following his gaze and looking down. What Natsu had found so disturbing was the unusual movements his hands were making. In his panicked state, Gray hadn't been completely aware that his hands had begun wringing in what looked almost like a washing motion. Hissing in horror, he flung his hands apart and gave them a wary look as if he expected them to start the endless cycle of dry-washing again as soon as he looked away.

"I don't know," he said, hurriedly shoving his hands under the blankets to prevent them from performing those automatic, subconscious movements again. "Nothing important."

Natsu bit his lip and looked suspicious. Once again, Gray regretted his inability to lie convincingly to his friend. And it was a lie. Gray knew exactly what it had been, and it bothered him more than nightmares. It had been a long time since he had caught himself doing that when he wasn't paying attention, and the reemergence of a nervous tic he had thought he had conquered was disheartening.

They sat in silence for a few more seconds as Gray waited for Natsu to call him out on his lie, but whatever the dragon slayer saw in his face convinced him to let it go. Natsu eventually sighed and averted his eyes.

"And here I was thinking that maybe your nightmares weren't as bad since you weren't waking me up anymore."

"They haven't been as bad," Gray assured him, not liking the disappointed look in his eyes. "Or I haven't been getting them as frequently, at least. It helped. You helped."

Because he could see that Natsu's disappointment wasn't directed at him, but mostly at himself. Gray didn't want him to think that his efforts weren't good enough, that he had failed. He had known Natsu long enough to see that he was worried he hadn't managed to help Gray at all despite all how hard he had tried. And Natsu had helped with some things. It was just that there were deeper emotional scars he couldn't touch, and Gray didn't want him to know about those.

Natsu nodded, but remained solemn. "So, what was it about this time?"

Gray hesitated. "I don't…I don't know," he responded slowly, furrowing his brow as he tried to sort out the tangled flashes of imagery and sound floating around in his head.

He truthfully couldn't say what the dream had been about, but it had been bad. He could still see quick flashes of blood and ice and death when he closed his eyes, and the faint, distorted echoes of desperate screams and heartbroken sobs rang in his ears.

He became aware that his hands had been inching closer together as if seeking comfort while he dug through these snatches of nightmare. He quickly unfolded his legs and drew them up to his chest so that he could lace his arms around them and keep his hands firmly clasped together so that they would stay still. Dropping his chin onto his knees, he stared blankly at Natsu, although he wasn't really seeing his friend.

He might not remember the details of the nightmare, but that heavy sense of abject terror and loss still haunted him. And yet, this half-remembered dream wasn't so terrible because of the fear it had induced, but because of the sadness. It made Gray feel heavy and depressed, along with that desperate fear that stemmed from a heartbreaking loss. It made him feel hopeless. The normal nightmares were something he had learned to deal with over the years, but the hopeless fear and crushing guilt they left behind only reminded him that there were some things he couldn't outrun. There were some things that would haunt him forever, no matter how many years had passed.

"Gray…"

He forced his eyes to focus on Natsu and automatically winced at seeing how worried he looked. That in itself Gray could handle, but he also looked so damn sad, and maybe even a little frightened. And that look did not belong on Natsu's face. Gray hated it because he hated to see his friend so upset, and he hated it even more because it was his fault this time. All he wanted to do was wipe that look off Natsu's face.

"It's okay," he said quickly. "It's not so bad. It'll–It'll get better. It's not always like this. It's not always–"

He broke off, aware that he had been rambling, sounding more like he was trying to convince himself than anything else. At some point he had started rocking back and forth slightly, and he forced himself to stop and relax his hands so that his fingers weren't digging their nails into the opposite hand. When he looked at Natsu again, he wished that he hadn't said anything at all. Natsu didn't look convinced, and Gray couldn't blame him. It was mostly a pack of lies anyway.

It most definitely wasn't okay, because this was the stuff that had been eating away at him for years and years. And it was bad. God, it was bad. And not just the stupid nightmares. He really just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry, because right now he hated himself and he hated the stupid things he had done and the stupid things he had almost done and the stupid things he was bound to do again someday.

Gray had lost his optimism years ago. He didn't think it was going to get better, not anymore. Sure, some of the raw anguish would dull a little over time and he would be able to focus on the present again to the point where he could talk and laugh and have a good time, but it was never going to go away. He knew it would never go away because it was always like this. Some days were better than others and there were times he was pretty okay, but this was always there, lurking under the surface. He could never quite forget.

No, the hurt wasn't always so raw. The mess with Galuna had brought all of his old insecurities and grief to the forefront again, and they would eventually start fading to the background once more, back to where they had embedded themselves in his fragile self-image. The others acknowledged that this renewed grieving was normal considering all the reminders he had just gotten, and as he started to seem to get better they would forget about some of it and assume that it was all over. Gray knew better. It would never go away. He would be able to laugh and act normal again, and there would be times he would be mostly okay, but he wasn't going to be as okay as everyone would think.

The grief and guilt and hopelessness and undercurrent of self-loathing were an integral part of him, and they were here to stay. To be honest, he wasn't sure who he would be if they were gone. If they magically disappeared one day, he wasn't sure that he would be able to recognize himself anymore.

Gray thought that was pretty pathetic.

"Gray…" Natsu said slowly, leaning forward a little as he stared at him intently, "don't lie to me."

All the air got sucked out of Gray all at once, and he took a shuddering breath as he curled further into himself. There was something about those words that made him want to start crying, and he could feel something inside him threatening to break. The walls seemed to close in around him, and it felt like he was suffocating because the sadness was so heavy that he couldn't breathe and the panic was creeping back again.

"I need…" He glanced around the room hurriedly before peering back at Natsu and nodding sharply. "I need to get out of here," he finished firmly.

Natsu frowned at the unexpected statement. "What?"

"I can't breathe in here," he muttered, sliding out of bed. Bending down, he picked up a shirt he had left on the floor earlier and pulled it over his head with trembling fingers. "I need to go outside for a few minutes."

There was a reason that he usually ended up wandering the streets after his nightmares, after all. He needed the chill night air to clear his head and sort out his thoughts. It would help him calm down and feel a little less trapped and hopeless.

A slight creaking sound from behind him caught his attention and he glanced back. Natsu had stood as well, and was watching him with an unusually solemn expression. For once, Gray had a hard time deciphering his normally open expression.

"Let me grab some shoes and I'll come with you."

"Don't bother," Gray replied, turning away. "I'll be back in a couple minutes."

He could hear soft footfalls as Natsu padded back to his side of the room and began tugging on those stupid sandals of his.

"You asked me to come with you," he called back, his voice slightly muffled.

"No, I didn't," Gray insisted with a frown, shifting to look at Natsu. In fact, he had been pretty sure that he had basically told his friend the exact opposite.

Finished with his shoes, Natsu looked over and raised an eyebrow. "Sure you did. When you asked me to come with you on this trip, what exactly did you think you were asking for?"

Gray stared at him wordlessly. Maybe he was right. Maybe that was part of the reason Gray had planned this trip and wanted him to come, because he had felt better when Natsu had comforted him the other night and didn't want to give that up yet. And to be honest, Gray was lying to himself when he said that he wanted to be alone now.

"Besides," Natsu added, his voice suddenly cheery, "I've always wanted to run around an unfamiliar city at night. It sounds exciting."

"You're such an idiot," Gray grumbled as he shook his head in disbelief and spun on his heel to open the door.

"Maybe, but you love me anyway," Natsu teased.

"You wish," Gray shot back as he reached the end of the hallway and emerged into the darkened street beyond.

He was almost amused by his friend's antics, but he was still too shaken up to fully appreciate them. Both he and Natsu knew that it was true anyway. That's where part of the problem stemmed from—Gray cared about his friends so much that it scared him sometimes, because he didn't know what he would do if something happened to them too.

Natsu had been snickering quietly, but quickly lapsed into silence as the duo strolled down the street. Gray shoved his hands into his pockets and tilted his head back a little to look at the stars as he walked. There was something vaguely comforting about all those pinpricks of light winking down at them from an otherwise dark sky. A chilly night breeze stirred the air and ruffled through his hair, and he relaxed a little at the familiar coldness. The hazy snatches of nightmares were harder to hang on to out here and some of Gray's jittery panic began to fade away as he left his dreams back in the stuffy hotel room.

He was almost starting to feel pretty okay when the stars seemed to take on a new meaning. There was something so…hopeful about them. Gray didn't feel very hopeful right now, and he didn't want any reminders. All of those tiny lights looked so bright and cheerful, but in Gray's experience, lights couldn't hold out forever. His mouth twisted bitterly. Lights would always get swallowed up by the darkness eventually, because good didn't always triumph in the real world.

He looked away before his abstract thoughts could solidify into something even darker and more painfully concrete. He couldn't afford to become so disgustingly philosophic because that was always a prelude to prolonged periods of mourning for everyone he had lost.

As his gaze returned to the street, he noticed that Natsu was watching him carefully, a strange expression plastered on his face. Gray started in surprise, having half forgotten that Natsu was there while he was lost in his musings. The dragon slayer continued staring at him, and it was making Gray uncomfortable.

"What?" he asked sharply.

Natsu shook his head slowly, an almost puzzled frown tugging at his lips. "It's weird," he said, drawing his words out as he considered what he was trying to say. "You were really freaked out inside, but as soon as you got out here you calmed down right away. But it's not…It's not really gone." He paused and thought that over before nodding. "Yeah. You're still upset, but it's different now."

"Of course it's different," Gray said, giving him a funny look. "Before it was just dream panic. You know how it is when you have a nightmare and you're terrified when you wake up, but it fades away pretty quickly because it isn't real."

"If it fades away so quickly then why did you keep staying up all night instead of going back to sleep?"

Gray's gaze wandered away and he kicked halfheartedly at a pebble. It bounced away down the street, the soft clattering breaking the dead silence of the night.

"Because after the fake stuff fades, that's when the real stuff comes back," he replied quietly.

They walked along in silence for a few moments. Gray didn't look back at Natsu, but he could feel the dragon slayer's gaze boring into the side of his head.

"What is it that you're so afraid of?" Natsu asked finally.

"I thought you'd figured that out by now."

Natsu scowled. "Yeah, sometimes I think so too. But you don't tell me anything and you're damn hard to read sometimes. And right now you're being really weird and it's…weird."

Gray chose not to comment on the lackluster ending. After all, Natsu had a point. Gray made it a point to keep this darker, sadder side of himself hidden as much as possible. But he'd spent a lot of his life running away, and he was too tired to want to keep running right now.

Part of him wanted to just clam up and not tell Natsu anything, but part of him ached to drop this stupid game they had going on where they had to pretend that they didn't care and didn't have any weaknesses. Natsu had been the one to abandon the charade first, back when he had bothered Gray until he had caved and told him things he had never intended to tell anyone. And Natsu was the one who was trying to have a real conversation tonight too. Gray should probably reciprocate. It scared him a little because he wasn't used to talking about things he'd rather keep hidden, but he was also tired of pretending that everything was alright when it clearly wasn't fooling anyone.

"It's because I'm not…scared scared. It's more like a…foreboding, I guess."

Natsu's eyebrows shot up. "A 'foreboding'?" he asked skeptically. Gray scowled over at him and he hurriedly backtracked, suddenly repentant. "Okay, okay, a foreboding. Got it."

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Gray jammed his hands deeper into his pockets even though there was really nowhere for them to go and they just crushed themselves against the fabric. He slouched a little, hunching his shoulders slightly as he turned a corner and started down the next cobblestone street.

"You know what I mean. It's just this feeling, this knowledge, that one day someone else I care about is going to get hurt and it's going to be…" …my fault. Gray shook his head slightly to banish the thought.

"You can't know that," Natsu offered, eyeing him carefully.

Gray met his eyes solemnly so that his friend could see that he was dead serious. "I can feel it," he insisted somberly. "Call me crazy, but I can feel it."

Maybe it was just a product of the nightmare's aftereffects, but at this moment Gray could say that he knew with absolute certainty that this wasn't over. He could feel it in his bones. Maybe tomorrow in the daylight this strange conviction would start fading away like a half-forgotten dream, but right now he was positive that he was right.

"I don't know who it will be," he muttered, frowning at the ground, "but there will be someone. And to be honest, you scare me the most right now."

"Me?" Natsu asked, confusion tinging his voice as his brows knit into a puzzled frown. "Why me? Is this about Deliora again?"

"Yes. And no. It's…Look." Gray extracted one hand to rub wearily at his face before returning it to his pocket. "Being a mage is a dangerous occupation. We know that, but we don't always think about it. And to be honest, a lot of us thrive on that danger and excitement. But I worry sometimes, you know? Erza worries me too because she's always pushing her limits, but I also trust her to take care of herself for the most part. We still need to keep an eye on her and give her backup when she won't ask for it, but she's usually okay. And it's easy to worry about Lucy because she isn't as strong as the rest of us, but she's also better at realizing when she needs help and she has a lot of people looking out for her.

"But you…You don't respect your limits. You're always pushing yourself too far and going up against impossible odds. You always jump right in and try to take on all of the toughest situations by yourself. So far it has worked out, but one day it's going to catch up to you."

A charged silence fell as Natsu processed that. As Gray waited for his friend's inevitably snippy protest, he glanced around and frowned at the shops they were passing. They had been in this city for three and a half days now, but he still wasn't overly familiar with its layout. He hoped that he hadn't taken a wrong turn, because he didn't really fancy getting lost tonight. Luckily, as they turned another corner, he spotted a familiar restaurant that they had eaten at a couple days ago and relaxed. At least they were going the right way.

Then Natsu finally spoke up again, and Gray's temporary satisfaction faded away as he was drawn back into the less than cheerful conversation.

"Wow…" the dragon slayer said slowly, drawing out the word in the silence. "Thanks for the vote of confidence. You know, I'm actually pretty tough. I can take care of myself."

"I know that," Gray said with a sigh. "But don't get blinded by the name of our guild—life isn't a fairy tale. Yeah, you're tough and you can usually beat the odds, but not everyone gets their happy ending, you know. You can pull off these impossible stunts because you believe in yourself and because the strength of your feelings gives you tremendous power and determination. But that's not always going to be enough."

He still wasn't looking at Natsu, but he heard him let out an irritated breath, which meant that he clearly wasn't getting the point yet. But still…Gray was almost glad that he was irritating his friend, because at least that meant that Natsu wouldn't have that awful, sad look on his face anymore.

"I fight for my friends," Natsu said, his voice hard. "I fight against impossible odds because I don't want them to get hurt. And you do the exact same thing, like on Galuna. And let's be honest with ourselves here, we're going to keep right on doing it too. It's part of who we are. You need to stop overthinking it—we've been okay so far."

Gray tilted his face upwards again and kept his eyes fixed blankly on the stars as he started speaking.

"I'm not asking you to stop," he said softly. "That would be rather hypocritical since I know that I couldn't make myself stop either. Fighting for the people you care about isn't a bad thing, but…" He looked down again, staring vacantly at the ground ahead of him as his lips tightened involuntarily. "I loved my parents, you know, and I loved Ur. And they loved me too. But in the end, that wasn't enough to save them. They died anyway."

His gaze finally drifted back to Natsu's face. Something in his words or eyes had caught his friend's attention. The earlier irritation had disappeared, and Natsu just looked pained and sad again.

"Gray–"

He shook his head sharply, wanting to say his piece before Natsu derailed everything by trying to make him feel better.

"Love, friendship, they're important," he continued. Natsu stopped in the middle of the street to watch him sadly and Gray paused as well, staring back at him steadily. "They're powerful. But they aren't an absolute safeguard, a guarantee that everything will work out in the end. Sometimes all the love in the world can't save you.

"We'll keep trying, of course. It's not a reason to give up. But it just…It makes me worry sometimes because we tend to assume that things will work out and we'll win and be okay, but I know that isn't always going to be true. I just…I don't want to see you get hurt. I've lost a lot of people, Natsu. I don't want to lose anyone else. I don't–I don't–"

Gray broke off and let out a shaky breath, unable to articulate his thoughts anymore. He had watched a lot of people die or get hurt, and a lot of it had been his fault, more or less. Then there was that feeling that he was going to see the people he cared about suffer again, and there was that nagging suspicion whispering in the back of his mind that it was going to be because of him. And that more than anything else, more than the demon that stalked his sleep and the real dangers that dotted his waking hours, was what frightened him.

He looked down as he became aware that his hands had automatically started rubbing together again. Pulling them apart, he stared at them for a moment, not pleased to see that they were trembling. He hurriedly shoved them back into his pockets where they belonged.

"Gray…"

He forced himself to look at Natsu again. God, he hated seeing that out-of-place expression on his face. He should say something, but he couldn't think of a single thing to say right now that wouldn't send him over the edge.

"I don't–"

He felt his face twisting in grief and stopped talking. Something flashed in Natsu's eyes and he stepped forward so that he was only centimeters away from Gray. He brushed a hand against the ice mage's arm so softly that it could be mistaken for accidental, although Gray knew it was not.

"Shh, it's okay," Natsu said in a low voice. "I'm here."

Gray stiffened in surprise and narrowed his eyes at Natsu, the tears pricking at their corners suddenly forgotten. He recognized those words. That was part of what he had said to Natsu, but his friend had been asleep at the time. Gray had come back from doing that mission and found him tossing and turning and muttering in his sleep. Natsu had said Gray's name, and the ice mage had felt bad because he'd realized that this was his fault too. But Natsu had been asleep, so he shouldn't have really heard or remembered those words. It could have been a coincidence, and it probably was one, but it still rattled Gray.

"I'm sorry."

Natsu drew back and frowned at him, then smirked a little. "Aha. I knew it was you," he said, sounding pleased with himself.

Gray stared at him blankly, not following. "What?" Then he realized where Natsu was getting it from—he had apologized after saying that other stuff. He shook his head sharply. "No, I meant I'm sorry," he corrected. "I'm sorry about your nightmares."

Now it was Natsu's turn to look puzzled again, but Gray just shrugged and turned away. He started back down the street, and after a few seconds he heard Natsu's footsteps on the cobblestones behind him.

"They're not so bad. I don't even get them that often. That one was just 'cause we'd been talking. Besides, it's not your fault."

"Isn't it?" Gray asked, one corner of his mouth twitching upwards into a dry, unamused smile.

"Of course not," Natsu insisted, hurrying to catch up so that he could walk by Gray's side. He scowled over at the ice mage, who looked back at him impassively. "You blame yourself for the stupidest things."

"Maybe so," Gray conceded, "but it's something I did that scared you enough to give you nightmares, isn't it?"

Natsu looked away. "Still not your fault," he grumbled. "It's like we were saying. We tend to do stupid stuff to protect our friends. I'm not saying I approve of you trying to use iced shell, but you were just trying to protect us, even if you were going about it the wrong way. Not your fault."

Gray sighed and scuffed his foot against the ground moodily. "Except that I wasn't just using iced shell as a last resort to protect you guys and you know it."

He could feel Natsu's eyes suddenly burning into his skull, but he didn't look over. They had finally reached the city outskirts, and Gray let out a breath as they passed the final buildings and began following the trail down to the ocean. This was a beachside town, which was nice since he often felt drawn to the water when he was brooding. Stepping off the main city road, he began following the sandy path down to the shore.

"At that point, I was going to use iced shell no matter what happened," he continued quietly, still not completely sure that he wanted to go this far with Natsu. "Even if we had found another possible way to defeat Deliora, I would have still tried to use it anyway. It felt fitting, it felt right. It felt like what I deserved, really, and I wanted to use it. I wanted to.

"In essence, I was giving up. And you knew it. Maybe the others didn't realize it, but you saw how I was with Lyon even before the demon was resurrected. I was looking for any reason to use it." He glanced over at Natsu again and met his eyes solemnly. "The reason you're still scared, why you have nightmares, is because you knew that I was giving up, and if I gave up once then I could give up again." His gaze wandered away. "Yes, I wanted to protect you from the damn demon, but I wasn't using iced shell out of necessity. I had a choice and I chose to give up. That's what makes this my fault."

They reached the seashore and Gray headed directly for the water, his feet sinking into the sand as made his way across the beach. Natsu followed silently, and they had almost reached the ocean before he spoke again.

"It was fucking terrifying," he said finally, his voice wavering slightly. "You were suddenly so different. It was like a whole other side of you I've never seen before, and it scared me because you were so damn self-destructive. You were just going to throw away your life like it was nothing and I couldn't understand it. So it scares me to see how broken up you've been since Galuna because yes, you gave up and I don't want to see that happen again. You aren't supposed to give up like that. Don't you dare do that again."

Gray let out a shuddering breath and couldn't make himself look at his friend. He supposed that he was glad that Natsu was finally telling him this instead of just holding it in. He had initially been annoyed with how persistent Natsu had been about bothering him to reveal what was wrong, but he had eventually realized that something like this was at least partially behind the dragon slayer's stubborn determination. Natsu had needed to know that Gray wasn't giving up again, and Gray hadn't known how to give him that then. He hoped he could do a little better now.

Because although there would always be a small part of him that was hurting enough to give up, a part that was morbidly fascinated with iced shell and the death he should have died so many times, he thought that he was doing a little better now. That little piece had been locked back up where it belonged again, and the rest of Gray still wanted to live with his friends.

"I heard you," he said quietly, stopping at the edge of the water to stare out absently at the ocean.

"Did you?" Natsu asked, his voice taking on a brittle edge. "Did you really?"

Gray sighed softly. "Yes, Natsu, I heard your voice. Didn't I tell you that I wasn't going anywhere?"

Although he kept his eyes fixed on the water, he heard Natsu's exhale of relief from beside him. Apparently he had managed to say the right thing for once.

"Good," Natsu replied. "That's…good." They watched the soft ocean swells in silence for a few minutes before he spoke up again. "Were you intending to come here the whole time? Because there's no way you would have been out for only a couple minutes if you planned on walking all the way across the city to get at the beach."

One corner of Gray's mouth twitched upwards. "You got me," he admitted. "I don't know if this is where I was planning to go when I left, but I would have probably ended up here anyway. I always seem to end up by the water when I'm thinking."

Natsu raised an eyebrow. "Water's…good. You know, whatever works for you."

The faint smile on Gray's face vanished and he pursed his lips. "Honestly, I'm not sure that it's necessarily a good thing. I've never been able to look at the ocean the same way ever since."

"Ever since…what?" Natsu asked. Gray just stared out at the water pensively, and after a moment the dragon slayer shifted. "Oh," he said quietly.

Gray nodded slightly, realizing that Natsu had figured it out. Taking a tiny step forward so that he was as close to the water as possible without actually touching it, he looked down at the water flowing up by his feet and then receding back down the sand and into the ocean once more. Water had never bothered him before, but now every time he saw the ocean he thought of Ur.

"It shouldn't have ended up like this," he muttered, half to himself. "She shouldn't have had to… It should have been…" …me. But he couldn't say that, because Natsu was already worried about him. "It should have been different," he said instead.

Natsu shot him a worried look, and Gray wondered if he had figured it out anyway.

"It sucks," the dragon slayer said bluntly, "but it was a long time ago. Sure it's gonna hurt, but you're going to have to let go someday."

Gray almost wanted to smile at Natsu's frankness, but sighed instead. "I know. It's been a long time, but I still miss her. I don't think that's ever going to change, and I'm not sure that I want it to."

Stepping on the back of one of his shoes, he pulled his foot out of it and then stepped on the heel of his other shoe so that he could step out of that one as well. He absently nudged the abandoned shoes with one foot so that they were sitting side by side in the sand above the tideline. Then he turned and began walking along the beach, parallel to the shoreline, staying close enough to the ocean so that the water would lap at his feet before it receded again.

If Natsu found it an odd thing to do, he didn't comment. He just followed suit, leaving his sandals in the sand beside Gray's shoes and keeping pace with the ice mage.

"I think that's normal," he said finally. "You loved her and she's gone now, so of course you still miss her. It's just that you should stop beating yourself up about it eventually."

"Hm."

Gray splashed through some water as it surged over his feet and then retreated back out to sea again. He dug his feet into the wet sand as he walked, hyperaware of the damp grains between his toes and the soft sound of the ocean lapping at the shore. It wasn't comforting, per se, but it was something.

"Maybe it still bothers me because I wasn't always very good to her," he mused. "I cared about her, but…you know what I was like as a kid. I was a pain in the neck to deal with. She thought it was just because I was angry and broken after what happened to my parents, and I was. But I also sometimes resented her, and that wasn't fair to her."

"You resented her?" Natsu asked, puzzled. "Why?"

Gray looked over at him sharply. He hadn't really been paying much attention to what he had been saying or he wouldn't have brought that up. This wasn't something he wanted to talk about. Grimacing faintly, he looked away again.

He had grown to love Ur, but there was one thing he had held a grudge for and he felt terrible about it. He had mostly let it go over time, but every once in a while he had still felt a prickle of resentment over it and she didn't deserve that.

"Nothing important," he said shortly. "But I guess…I wish that I had the chance to tell her that I was sorry."

Natsu hesitated a moment before deciding to drop the topic since Gray clearly wasn't open to discussing it.

"She probably knew," he offered instead.

"Probably," Gray agreed. "But I still miss her. Actually, I still missed a lot of people over the years, even Lyon." A thought struck him and he looked back at Natsu with new eyes. "Huh, maybe part of the reason you worry me so much is because you remind me of him."

Natsu looked instantly offended. "I remind you of a crazed psychopath who likes to resurrect demons and try to kill people in his spare time?" he asked disbelievingly. "Gee, thanks."

"He wasn't always like that," Gray said quietly, looking back down at his feet.

He turned his head and stared back at the two sets of footsteps trailing behind them in the wet sand. Another little wave rushed up and when it receded a moment later, the footprints it had covered were gone. He grimaced and turned back around.

"He was always obsessed with becoming stronger, kind of like you. Ur was his goal, his role model. It's like how you always keep trying to fight Erza and Gildarts. He wanted to get powerful enough to surpass her, and he trained really hard to try accomplishing that. When Ur died…That must have been when he started going off the deep end. He had been so focused on surpassing her that he didn't know what to do when she was gone.

"I don't think you'd go crazy like that, regardless of what happened. But…I don't know. There are similarities there that are hard to ignore, and I don't want to see your life get messed up the same way I messed up his."

"You didn't mess up his life."

"Well, he thinks I did."

A shadowy shape loomed out of the darkness ahead of them and Gray squinted at it, trying to puzzle out what it might be. Then he realized that they must have reached the end of this section of beach. He had Natsu had messed around here a couple days ago, and he recalled that they had eventually run into a giant pile of jagged rock slabs that extended a good ways up the beach all the way down to the water's edge. Presumably the shape in the distance was that rock pile. Gray considered turning back around, but then mentally shrugged and decided that they might as well just walk to it before heading back.

"I hope he learned something from Galuna," he continued now that his curiosity was satisfied. "It would do him some good to find a guild or something and make some new goals. Maybe he'll figure out how to let go of his obsession and find something new to live for."

"I think he will," Natsu said, a little grudgingly. "He was a real annoying bastard, but he seemed a little less psycho after Deliora fell apart."

Gray smiled faintly. "You can be a real annoying bastard too."

"Touché," Natsu conceded with a laugh.

"And you can annoy me just as much as he did. We used to bicker and brawl just like you and I do." He smiled a little at the memory, before eyeing Natsu contemplatively. "Maybe part of the reason I didn't get along with you at first was because of how much you reminded me of him."

Natsu blinked at him, his face twisting in confusion. "You didn't like me because I reminded you of someone you liked? How does that work exactly?"

Gray chuckled but then turned serious again. He slowed for a moment to drag one foot through the wet sand and then continued on walking, leaving the water to fill in the shallow trough behind him.

"I didn't come to Fairy Tail looking for friends," he answered, not looking at Natsu. "In fact, I didn't want them. I was grieving and angry at the world and wasn't interested in getting along with people. But it's hard to be a part of Fairy Tail without making friends."

He had come to the guild reluctant to get close to anyone else, but he had soon started collecting projects. At first, the people he had grudgingly become friends with were people he had realized were hurting like him, and he had done his best to help them without letting them see how broken he himself was. He never pushed them to tell him what haunted them, but he tried comforting them in his own way when he found them hurting.

First he had met a girl who seemed bubbly and happy, but who held some hidden sadness that she had never fully explained to him but had something to do with her father, whoever he might be. She had been Gray's first friend in Fairy Tail. Then there had been the annoying, armor-clad girl who he had liked picking fights with until he found her crying by the riverbank. And then an irritating, loud-mouthed boy with the most ridiculous pink hair Gray had ever seen had joined the guild. He had seemed cheerful enough and full of life, but sometimes he would get a lonely look on his face as he absently played with his precious scarf, and Gray knew that he had lost someone important that he kept looking for but could never find. Then there was the man who seemed like nothing more than a happy-go-lucky flirt but was still haunted by a past he couldn't outrun, a past Gray suspected had something to do with a celestial spirit mage given his aversion to the breed.

Gray had known enough of pain and grief to recognize it in others, and he had been unable to ignore people who were hurting like he hurt. He didn't think that they all realized it, but he had collected them and watched out for them. Sometimes the comfort he offered was subtle enough to pass undetected, but there had been more than one occasion on which he had gone out of his way to help someone who was having a hard time.

It was kind of ironic, really. He had spent a lot of time and energy comforting everyone else, but maybe he was the one who had needed the most help out of them all.

"It was the people who were hurting that drew me in first," he remarked, deciding to just be honest. "I didn't like to see people hurting the same way I was hurting, so I gathered them all up and did my best to help them: Cana, Erza, you, Loke, even Mira, after Lisanna…" He trailed off and took a moment to collect his thoughts. He didn't want to talk about Lisanna's death, because he knew that it still hurt Natsu. "I guess I can't say why, exactly. Maybe it was a selfish way to make myself feel better. Maybe it was a distraction from my own problems. Maybe it was a penance of sorts." He sighed and glanced back out at the ocean. "I think that maybe it was because taking care of other people was easier than taking care of myself."

They were drawing near to the rock pile now. They were close enough that Gray could make out the individual boulders from the shadows, and he headed directly for it.

"I think that it was because you were still hurting a lot from everything that had happened to you, and it genuinely bothered you to see other people in pain," Natsu said quietly, scuffing his bare foot in the sand distractedly. "I think that you tried to stay distant from us but you couldn't because you naturally want to help people, not out of any benefits you might get from it, but because you genuinely want to help them feel better for their own sake.

"But you know, even though helping other people is well and good, you can ask for help when you need it too."

Gray glanced over to see Natsu watching him somberly. The dragon slayer gave him a meaningful look and Gray bit his lip. He knew that, but it wasn't always so easy. Maybe the reason it felt so weird to have Natsu looking after him now, the reason he tended to get so defensive, was that he was so used to hiding his own pain and helping his other friends that it felt strange to be on the opposite end of that.

"Yeah," he said. "Okay."

The duo reached the mound of stone slabs and stopped short. Gray pivoted so that he was facing the ocean and, leaning against one of the rocks jutting out of the pile, he stared out pensively.

"When I was younger," he began thoughtfully, "I used to think that I was cursed. I mean, I knew it was stupid, but sometimes I'd get the feeling that everyone I cared about was destined to die. I originally thought that maybe that was why I was so reluctant to make new friends, but I've had some time to think things through over the years and I've come up with a different theory.

"I think the reason that I didn't want to make friends was because I was scared. I was scared that I'd let myself care about someone and then they'd get hurt or die. If I didn't care about anyone then it wouldn't hurt so much if something happened to them, and I wouldn't have to risk another situation like with my parents or Ur again. But then you all started worming your way into my heart, and it's really hard to stop caring once you start. Then again, the effort might have been doomed to failure from the start, because I've never been good at not caring. So I started caring and then I got scared."

He smiled over at Natsu sadly. "Well, there you go. Maybe this is what you were looking for when you asked what scared me. I guess everything else traces back to that. I was scared to care because I didn't want to get hurt, and now that I care, I'm scared of getting hurt again."

The two mages stared at each other in the darkness for a few seconds. Natsu looked concerned and faintly horrified, but then he pursed his lips and shook his head.

"I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit," he disagreed. "Yeah, you're probably scared of getting hurt again. If I'd experienced half the things you have, I'd probably be terrified of seeing something like that again too. But I think that's only half the story. It's what I was telling you before—you really care about us too, not just yourself. You're concerned for our safety for our own sake too, not just because of the risk you might get hurt again.

"In fact, I think you're more concerned for us than you are for yourself."

Gray hunched his shoulders slightly and looked away again. There was truth in that. He did genuinely worry about his friends because he didn't want to see anything happen to them. But he also knew that he was scared of losing anyone else because he didn't want to get hurt again, and that bothered him sometimes because it seemed like a very selfish reason to be frightened. Sighing quietly, he reflected that things had been much simpler and easier when he hadn't cared. Then his lips twitched upwards ruefully. He wasn't sure that there actually had been a time when he hadn't cared.

He looked back over at Natsu, who was studying him carefully.

"I don't want to go back yet," he said.

Natsu blinked in surprise at the unexpected change of topic. "Um, well we can stay out here a little longer if you want, I guess," he replied uncertainly. "We can always sleep on the train tomorrow."

"No, I meant that I don't want to go back to Magnolia yet."

Natsu just stared at him, and Gray found himself twisting his hands together uncertainly. He wanted to see his other friends of course, but maybe not quite yet. He needed some more time to himself after tonight. Well, not to himself, exactly. He thought he might need some more of this time out on the road with Natsu. It was just the right mix of adventure and fun and that little bit of comfort he was usually too afraid to ask for. This trip had fostered a sense of camaraderie and closeness that Gray was desperate to keep, and he was afraid that it would fade away once they were back at the guild again. He wanted to hold on to that feeling for a little longer.

"I know we're supposed to go back tomorrow," he said, wringing his hands anxiously, "but I just…I need a couple more days. Couldn't we just hang around here and find something else to do for another day or two? Just like one more day?"

Natsu's face was unreadable and it made Gray nervous. His gaze slid to the side, fixing on a point somewhere to the dragon slayer's left. His stomach twisted unpleasantly as the silence dragged on, and he was just about to tell Natsu to forget about it when his friend finally spoke.

"You know how you wouldn't let me burn down this mayor's mansion?"

Gray eyed him warily and nodded. "He's a jerk, but it's also his home and we really don't need to deal with Erza's wrath when we get back."

Natsu nodded in acknowledgement but pressed on. "Well, I did some snooping and found out that he has a summer mansion in the countryside. It's a couple miles away from the nearest town and it's currently vacant. Even the hired help is gone for now and won't be back until a couple weeks before he decides to make the trip over there." He grinned suddenly. "I have every intention of burning it down while I have the chance."

It took a moment for Gray to process that but then he shook his head disbelievingly, amused by his friend's antics.

"He was a real piece of work," he said thoughtfully.

Natsu smirked. "He was. And I can't wait to teach him a lesson. What do you say, Gray? Want to come with me?"

Gray smiled a little, reminded of his own tough love approach to asking Natsu to come on this trip in the first place. He could even still remember his friend's response.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," he breathed.

Natsu's grin widened. "Awesome!"

In his excitement, he jumped up onto one of the jagged ledges of rock sticking out from the mound of stones. And then he kept right on climbing up the pile. Gray watched him in bemused amusement for a second, before frowning up at him.

"What are you doing? Come back down before you break your neck," he called up.

"I really wanted to climb this thing the other day," Natsu said cheerfully, grinning down at him. "And I want to be king of the rock hill!"

Gray shook his head in disbelief. He knew for a fact that those rocks were slippery and damp because of the waves that crashed against them, and there were a lot of uneven and jagged surfaces. Natsu was tough and durable and could hold his own against a pile of rocks, but Gray thought it was a stupid idea anyway.

"Come on," he tried again. "I'd like to get some sleep, which means we're going to have to walk all the way back down the beach again to get our shoes, and then we have to go back through the whole city to get to the hotel."

"Yeah, yeah, you have no sense of adventure," Natsu shot back.

Gray rolled his eyes and watched as the dragon slayer reached the top of the pile. Natsu stood on the tallest rock he could find and raised his hands in triumph.

"I'm king of the–!"

He broke off abruptly as he lost his footing on the slippery rock and went crashing all the back to the ground, banging into all the rocks on the way down. Gray cursed under his breath and hurried over to tug his fallen friend to his feet unceremoniously.

"Ow," Natsu complained.

"What the hell were you thinking, flame brain?" Gray griped, looking him over for any obvious injuries.

"That it would be fun?"

Gray shook his head in exasperation. "Any broken bones? Bleeding?"

"Back off," Natsu grumbled, shaking him off. "You don't have to fuss. I'm just gonna have some bruises." He took a step forward and winced. "Okay, a lot of bruises. And also a black eye."

"Here, ice it down," Gray said, quickly molding a small block of ice and tossing it to his friend.

Natsu caught it and, despite his grumbling, pressed it against his injured eye.

"Right when you finally recovered from all the damage the shower inflicted on you," Gray remarked in amused exasperation. "Apparently all inanimate objects are out to get you now."

"Hey, don't tease," Natsu protested, grinning toothily. "They're tough opponents."

"Oh please," Gray muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Besides, you don't have to keep mother-henning me. I still have some of that nasty-smelling goop you got me for all the bruises the shower gave me. I think I'll live."

Shaking his head again, Gray turned away and started back down the beach, towards where they had abandoned their footwear earlier. Natsu followed, snickering until his movements jolted some of his sore spots and made him curse under his breath. Gray slowed down so that the limping dragon slayer could keep up.

"Oh hey!" Natsu said excitedly after a second. "I think one of my teeth is loose!"

Gray looked over to see him vigorously prodding a tooth with one finger. He was going cross-eyed trying to look down and see the tooth, which made Gray want to smack him for being so dumb since there was no way he'd be able to see anything in his mouth anyway.

"Put the ice back on your eye," Gray ordered. Natsu rolled his eyes but obeyed, still poking at his tooth with the other hand. "And honestly, why are you so excited about a loose tooth? They don't grow back, you know. You're going to have a stupid-looking gap in your mouth."

"Yeah, but it's like a battle scar, see?" Natsu explained, grinning over at him. "People will ask me how I lost my tooth and I can tell them the whole heroic story. I've always kind of wanted to do that."

Gray stared at him for a second, waiting to see if he'd crack and start laughing since he couldn't possibly be that stupid, but he seemed to be serious.

"You want to tell the story of how you were oh-so-heroically defeated by a pile of rocks?" Gray asked in scornful disbelief.

Natsu blinked at him blankly for a moment, and then a horrified look spread over his face. "Oh crap, I didn't think about that," he wailed. "I was just thinking that it would be kinda cool to have a missing tooth to tell a story about."

"I suppose you could always just make up your own version of events and tell everyone that it got knocked out in an epic fight or something."

"You wouldn't give me away?" Natsu asked hopefully.

Gray threw back his head and laughed, the sound echoing across the dark water.

"Of course I would!" he chortled. "I'm going to have so much fun telling everyone about how you knocked out a tooth while losing a fight with a giant rock."

Natsu's face fell. He poked at his tooth gingerly again. "You know, I don't think it's actually loose after all."

"You're such an idiot," Gray said in fond exasperation.

Natsu's smile returned full force. "Maybe, but you love me anyway," he teased again.

The automatic reply of 'you wish' sprung to Gray's lips, but he found himself saying something else instead.

"Yeah, I guess so," he said. Natsu looked surprised at the admission for a second, but then smirked and looked much too pleased with himself. Gray decided that it was prudent to take him down a peg. "Although goodness knows why," he added critically. "I haven't found a reason yet."

The statement didn't have the intended effect. Natsu's grin widened even further, and even Gray found himself smiling ruefully.

They both knew that it was a lie.

Note: These two are such idiots, but you gotta love them anyway, ha ha. And on a side note, there were a couple things here that weren't fully explained, but they'll be explained in the other side story, promise.