Hot & Cold

Hot: Ty Lee

"Did you call my name? Or hers?" Zuko demands of me.

He sounds really upset, and he has every right to be. I don't know how to react; I'm horrified. If someone finds out about me and Azula…

"I said whatever you heard," I say breathlessly. It sounds so mean, but I just don't want to hurt anybody's feelings ever. Especially not his, when I did what I did these past two nights.

I want this journey to be over. I want to reach shore.

"It doesn't count as treason if we're on international waters."

"It counts as cheating on him."

"Oh, please. He obviously pales in comparison to me."

"I have to go," I say. He watches me leave. He watches me like he loves me. I don't hate anybody, but right now I hate myself.

I can't believe her and her slippery words and how she made me fall in love with her and I hate her more than I hate myself. Maybe that isn't true.

It's probably my fault that the first place I go is her cute little prison at sea. I can't believe I fucked her twice in here.

"Hello there," she says like I'm a cute poodle monkey. "You look nervous."

Yeah I look nervous, because I don't know if I can tell her about this. I really don't. Telling her no just horrifies me for some reason.

"We…" It hurts. "We can't do this. It's wrong."

"Since when did you know the difference between right and wrong?" Azula mocks, as if she has a right to do that.

"I don't," I admit.

"So, people tell you what is right or wrong? Well, I think this is wrong too, but I think we should be above those petty rules of morality. My brother makes them up, doesn't he?"

"No. But if he finds out…" I know I must look as scared as I feel. Those words make my heart pound out of control.

"It could always be remedied by a threesome. All things can."

"I don't think you're funny. Okay, I think you're funny, but I don't think that was funny. Okay, I thought that was a little funny but this situation is super serious."

"Very serious. Oh, so very serious." She has nothing to lose, I realize, and she knows that she has nothing to lose.

"Stop," I say. "I don't want to do this, I think. I shouldn't do this, I guess."

I'm walking towards her as I say it. I'm a hypocrite and a traitor to the new, happy, peaceful, balanced world. I can feel her breath through the bars and she doesn't move, as if she knows what I'm thinking. Things are hot, but I shiver a little bit.

"Calm down. There's nobody here to see us. Kiss me," Azula purrs. She sounds sexy but also awful and I've never been able to truly figure that out.

I'm opening the cell and I can't believe myself. When I enter, her eyes sparkle from pure amusement. If the world were a logical place, I would hate her. I would want to punch her instead of kiss her. But the world isn't a logical place.

I irrationally kiss her on the mouth.

Maybe things become reasonable when I begin to back away. This always has been hot and cold, and I think I'd rather be in a cold, cold bed than feeling her hot, hot hands.

"Now," Azula says, "you could have kissed me through the bars. Which makes me think you don't just want to kiss and run."

Right now the heat between us feels like I fell into a bonfire. No matter the circumstances, I kiss her neck, then her chin, and lastly her lips. Our eyes meet and I avert mine. She keeps gazing right at me, bold and unafraid.

I'm not ashamed of this sex; I'm ashamed of the love.

She wastes no time taking off her clothes. Maybe it doesn't matter to her; maybe she is a complete psychopath and I should be avoiding her. But avoiding her seems horrible when she is pressed against me and her nipples are hard either from the cold ship or the hot cell; I don't know which one.

I'm the one who throws myself at her, even if she removed her clothes first. I pin her against the curved steel wall and can't help but lift her, pushing her up against it with just her toes against the floor before she wraps her lips around me without hesitating.

How is she not questioning this? How?

I kiss her breast and take her nipples into my mouth and realize as I pull away and hear her moan that I'm not questioning it either. I am worse than Azula in many aspects, and it's nice to pretend that I'm not. I can't right now as she removes my clothes and leaves me naked in many more ways than one.

"Why don't I feel bad about this enough?" I know she's the wrong person to ask, and making out is the wrong time to ask.

"Because you're mine."

Not his.

I never was his.

I let her slide to the floor with me on top of her.

I'm hers.

Not his.

I never was his.