I consider this a Teen rating, however there is mention of sex acts (very brief), sex toys (also very brief), and some swearing, given the homestuck comic though, I don't think this alone should raise the rating.

John eagerly bustled around the apartment trying to spruce things up before his boyfriend arrived. Dave was doing absolutely nothing, "I lived with him for eighteen years and he never did any chores. I'm not about to do them for him now." John tried to reason how Dirk would be their guest and you wouldn't invite guests into a messy house, but to no avail. "We're two college students and midterms were this week, he'll understand John, stop stressing. In fact, I doubt he'll even notice."

"Yeah, speaking of midterms, you think you can not have so many booty calls during finals?"

"You were listening? Perv."

"Hey, fuck you. I had noise canceling headphones and that fucking rain track turned all the way up and I could STILL here you guys."

"What is it with you and the fucking rain? Is it like a kink or something? You're weird Egbert."

"Dude, I'm from Washington, it's always raining and cold and I miss it. Leave me alone."

"Who likes rain that much?"

"I do. And it's my turn to make coffee this week. I'm tired of your weak ass hot water."

"Hey, normal people would think my coffee is strong."

"It has no flavor. And would you stop with that mass produced acidic shit? What happened to my fair trade Colombian blend?"

"Okay, one I mixed it with my stuff, thought it'd be better to have everything in one container. Two, I thought I was this hipster in this house. And three, we're on a budget Eggbutt, we can't afford your high priced coffee."

"That's it from now on anything with my name on it you are not allowed to touch. And you are the hipster, I just come from the land of hipsters so I appear hipster to everyone else. I'm not though. I don't give a shit about indi- OH MY GOD DAVE!"

"What now?!"

"You don't put banana and orange peels in the trash! They go in the fucking compost bin! We've had this conversation a thousand times!"

"Okay, I need to get away from the nerd brigade." An air of exasperation finally breaking through the cool kid's stoic façade.

"It's not nerdy, it's called taking care of the planet!"

"Whatever." Dave grabbed his keys and opened door, only to see his brother coming down the hall. Leaving the apartment door open Dave called "Good, you can deal with granola boy. I can't take his fair trade and compost bullshit anymore."

Dirk replied with impassive expression and a smack to the back of Dave's head as he walked by, stepping into the apartment and closing the door before his little brother could respond in any way. He quickly locked up before picking up his raven haired boyfriend, throwing the boy over his shoulder, and heading into said boyfriend's room. Sitting on the bed he forced John into a sitting position on his lap and asked "So, rough time with Dave?"

"Well, hello to you too." John encircled his arms around the strong neck of the male in front of him, kissing him sweetly, earning a smile in response. "Nothing out the ordinary. Just his awful coffee and poor trash sorting habits, typical weekend. …Well, that and his TOTAL disregard for someone else's study priorities, but that's another story. How's you week been? Sorry we couldn't meet up sooner."

Dirk bowed his head, resting it on John's shoulder as he felt the boy play with his hair; something he normally discouraged, but John knew how to massage the muscles at the base of the skull just right to silence the blond. The skill which he was applying to the area now. Dirk started tracing circles into his boyfriend's back before speaking. "My week's been pretty normal. Nothing really to report."

John knew better than to press Dirk for details. Well, that's not entirely true. He fully planned on pressing for details, but Dirk had to relax some first. "You think I could borrow some of your smuppets?" He felt a smile against his neck.

"You want to experiment of something?"

"No….uh…sorry. I just wanted to leave a bunch in Dave's bed as a prank-slash-revenge for being an asshole this week."

Dirk puffed out a small chuckle. "I lend you them and a camera, try to get it on video okay?"

"Deal."

Dirk pulled back and cupped John's face, giving him a romantic kiss, threading his fingers through the dark hair. John felt his heart race and his chest ache. He loved Dirk, he really did, but a very experienced thirty year old had to have some issues with a nineteen year old virgin who wouldn't put out. Dirk never said anything about it, but it had to be frustrating for him, John was always so hesitant and unsure when it came to sex. He wasn't even 100% comfortable with his own sexuality yet, he hadn't received any flack for it or anything, and Dirk certainly never pressured him. He just wasn't 100% sure he was gay, was he into Dirk, yes, but he just never felt the need for sex. He loved kissing and cuddling with Dirk, loved hearing about his day, and yes, even to a certain extent, his body. John loved touching Dirk's arms and chest and being touched by Dirk (although apparently the blond as an ass and leg man), it just wasn't sexual, he didn't want sex. It was more that he just liked the feeling and the knowledge that he was the only one Dirk would let touch in that way. He was more than willing to help Dirk with his urges (and in fact, he had), but the idea of Dirk doing that to him was really uncomfortable. He'd rather just cuddle. Thankfully, that seemed to be exactly what Dirk had in mind.

The blond pulled the boy on top of him, strong arms keeping him in place. Pale hands were splayed across tan shoulders and tank top straps. John nuzzled into his neck and caressed the sculpted triceps of the one beneath him, humming absentmindedly. "Bad week?"

"Just this one asshole though . Didn't like the dildo, said I lied and used toxic chemicals, fucking prick. Now I have to prove shit and it's a lot of electronic paper work. The guy thinks he has a case and has threatened to take me to court. I know he can't prove anything, but I'd like to avoid that."

"Sounds stressful."

"Yeah…"Dirk kissed the top of John's head, hand tracing his spine. "John…can I….can we…"

Oh crap, was he going to ask for sex? John wasn't ready for sex, but they had been going out for almost a year, it wouldn't be unreasonable for Dirk to ask. Shit, Dirk was going to dump him wasn't he? He didn't want to be with John anymore did he?

"…Can we spoon?"

He was going to say-"What?"

"…I know you prefer cuddling face to face and all that, but I really want to spoon."

John felt all that sudden tension rush out of him as he melted into Dirk's body. True, he did prefer cuddling face to face, he liked taking off Dirk's shades and kissing every inch of his face, he liked burying himself in that broad chest, but if Dirk wanted to spoon, he was more than okay with it. "Yeah, sure." A goofy grin and a relieved sigh punctuated his reply.

Dirk smiled, "What, you thought I was going to ask for something else?" John blushed, averting his gaze as he rolled off his boyfriend. He felt a strong muscled arm claim him. "I know you're ace John, you don't have to hide it anymore. I'm never going to ask you to have sex, you never have to worry about being pressured into it either."

"I'm what?" John's voice small and curious.

"Ace. Asexual. No wanty fucky. You don't experience sexual attraction."

"That's not true! I'm attracted to you!" It's true, John was attracted to Dirk, he liked touching Dirk. He was attracted to Dirk's body.

"Do you want to have sex with me?"

"…I…."

"I'm not trying to put you in a tough spot, I want an honest answer. Have you ever wanted to have sex with anybody?"

"…No. But I still really love you! I love kissing you and cuddling with you and touching you. I –" Tears were springing forth now, John did his best to hold them back and failed.

"Hey, shh. It's okay, I know you love me. I know you enjoy this stuff. You don't have to convince me." John felt Dirk's hand rub his stomach, and lips on the back of his neck. "I'm perfectly happy with our relationship."

"How? I mean, you seem like a pretty sexual guy, and I don't really do that much."

"Sex is just one part of the relationship John. There's so much more to get from it. I like the way you make me feel. I like your optimism and how goofy you get when you're excited about some new nerd show. I love how you play with my hair and cheer me up when I'm down, and how you know how to get me to talk even when my instincts tell me push people away. I like how laid back you are. I think it's made me more laid back too. I love how caring you are. That goofy little MLP e-card you sent when I had a fight with Roxy almost made me fall to pieces with how loved it made me feel. So you don't want to have sex, so what? You give excellent hand-jobs and relationships are a series of compromises any way. We meet each other half way, that's enough. In fact, I think you've tried a little too hard. You should let me do something nice for you sometime."

John relaxed as he heard Dirk's words and was pulled further into the embrace. "This is nice." Dirk's body shrouding his in a loving cocoon as one last reassurance was uttered from his beloved, "Besides, there's always porn." John snorted "Thanks."

"No problem." Both pairs of glasses were set onto the nightstand as John hit his sleep track on his ipod and sounds of thunderstorms filled the room.

A while later both males woke up to the sound of Dave pounding on the door. "My professor returned my paper. I have to revise some shit so keep it down, alright." Without waiting for a reply the two could hear Dave march back into his room and slam his door. John rubbed the sleep out of his eye as he heard Dirk ask "What'd he say?"

"He wants us to be quiet so he can work on something." John yawned. "Which kind of pisses me off because he certainly wasn't quiet while I was studying for that bio test."

"What to jump on the bed and make sex noises to piss him off?"

John broke into a giant prankster grin and laughed. "Absolutely."

Notes: The weird thing is, this didn't start out with John as asexual, this was just going to be gay fluff. I don't know why it turned into John being asexual, but it did and I liked it. I liked the dynamic it made in their relationship and thought it made the joke at the end funnier. Feel free to disagree, but I don't want to hear shit about it being a Brojohn ship.