A/N: This story all started bc I've read a few stories where the HP characters use computers and I've seen the meme that JKR is Rita Skeeter who released Harry's bio as muggle fiction. I began to wonder what would happen if Harry and his friends discovered the books and movies in the Muggle world, and just what they'd do if they found this site.
DH but not epilogue compliant bc why not? ;) I have a headcannon that the Malfoys were sentenced to house arrest with little to no magic use. During that time Harry sends Draco a Muggle chess set and they play chess by owl post, after the house arrest is over they have a weekly chess "date" at Harry's place. They don't talk much but have come to spend time together in comfortable silence. I also see George putting a portrait of Fred in his office at the shop so Fred can continue to help him invent. This story has required me to reread all of the books (damn what a shame lol) but that means it's taking me much longer than I thought it would when the idea first came to me. I'll update when I can but please be aware it will not be on a regular schedule unlike my other fics. Please enjoy and as always reviews are appreciated be they positive or critiquing. :)
November 2007
"Harry! Harry!" Ron began yelling as soon as he appeared in the Floo.
"Ronald!" Hermione yelled as she followed him.
Harry stood in the doorway watching as Ron ducked away from his wife.
"Sorry Harry, I know how you hate people just Flooing in on you," Hermione apologized.
"But mate you have to see this," Ron interjected.
Hermione turned, "Don't make me hex you!"
He ducked his head, "Sorry," he mumbled, "but we have to tell him."
"Immediately?" she asked.
Ron looked like he wanted to answer with something smart arsed but thought better of it and kept his mouth shut.
Harry shook his head, "Some things never change. Well you're here, whatever it is you may as well tell me. What is it are you pregnant again Hermione?"
Hermione turned a shade of red to match her husband's hair, "Um."
Harry laughed, "You are aren't you?"
Ron bit his lip and muttered to Harry, "She's threatening to send me to a Muggle doctor for some procedure."
Harry snorted, "Well you've managed to have five kids in the past five years you're lucky she's waited this long."
"How was I supposed to know we'd end up with two sets of twins?"
"If this is another set you may never get to share a bed again," Harry chortled.
"Harry," Hermione warned.
Harry shook his head, "Well it's the truth isn't it," he replied while reaching for his wand just in case.
"Ha-rry!"
"Mate," Ron started, "we'd better stop now. You know how she is when she's pregnant," he finished in a whisper only Harry could hear.
Harry walked to Hermione and pulled her into a hug, "Congratulations! You know I love having more nieces and nephews to spoil."
Hermione hugged him back, while shooting Ron a death glare over Harry's shoulder. "We haven't told anyone else. That wasn't even why we came over tonight, so just keep it to yourself for a while longer will you?"
"Absolutely. So if you didn't come to tell me about the newest Weasely why are you here? What had Ron in such a dither?"
Hermione looked a bit uncomfortable as she reached into her handbag and pulled out a shopping bag.
Harry groaned, "Mione you didn't take Ron to the Muggle bookshop again did you?"
Before she could answer the fire flared green again and out stepped a well dressed blonde.
"Sorry Potter, didn't know you had company."
"S'ok Malfoy, they just popped in."
"We can pick up our chess game next week," Draco said as he turned back to the fire, racing for the Floo powder.
"No, Draco stay we won't be here long. We came to tell Harry something. Well Ron did I was trying to stop him."
"And I see you succeeded."
"Funny Malfoy. Come on Mione, let's go. We can talk to Harry later."
Hermione shook her head, "No we're here now. Besides there's no reason Draco shouldn't know."
"Know what?" Draco asked.
"Don't know but it should be interesting. Hermione took Ron Muggle shopping again. He's nearly as fascinated with Muggle things as his dad," Harry replied.
"Ah so there will be a story. Perhaps we should sit then," Draco suggested.
"Right," Harry agreed summoning chairs for the quartet, "Kreacher."
Kreacher popped in next to Harry's chair, "Yes Master Harry?"
"Would you please bring us some tea? Oh and be sure Hermione's cup is
decaffeinated."
"Yes Master Harry. I'll be right back with tea and biscuits."
Draco raised an eyebrow and looked towards Hermione, "Decaffeinated? I suppose
I should say congratulations?"
Again Hermione blushed, "As long as you say nothing to anyone else then yes and thank
you Draco."
"Ok Ron so tell what it is that had you in such a lather you had to come tell me about.
What did you find now?"
Ron glanced over at Draco before beginning, "We were shopping for Mione's parents for Christmas."
"And Ron wandered away because he was bored at what you were looking at?" Harry asked.
"Oi!" Ron complained.
"Really Ron am I wrong? I've been with you in Muggle shops, you can't stand still you wander around looking at everything."
Hermione nodded, "That's exactly what he did, next thing I know he comes running over, grabs me by the arm and drags me to the children's section."
"There was this display of books and games and pictures and they were all of you."
"Me?"
"Well you but not you," Ron replied, "All kinds of books and games about Harry Potter."
"In a Muggle bookshop?" Draco questioned again with a raised eyebrow.
Kreacher returned and began passing out cups of tea and plates of biscuits.
"Yes! That's why I dragged Hermione to see it, I was sure I was seeing things or some witch or wizard had bespelled a section of the store."
"Harry," Hermione began, "I think the witch you finally let write your biography went and sold it to a Muggle production company as a children's fiction series. Actually I'm sure of it." She pulled a boxed set of books out of the shopping bag and handed it over to Harry.
Harry turned the box over in his hands looking at the titles. Draco came and stood to peer over his shoulder. "Who's this Half Blood Prince?" Draco asked.
Harry looked up at him, "I take it you didn't read the biography?"
Draco shook his head, "I lived so much of it along with you and I really didn't want to relive it thank you. It's not like I come off well in it I'm sure. I was rather a-"
"Prat," cut in Ron.
"Git," Harry supplied.
"Bloody bugger," Hermione added with a large grin.
"Ok you can stop taking the piss now," Draco rolled his eyes, "Yes all of those things and worse. Who wants to read about themselves that way?"
"Honestly I know what you mean," Ron said.
"You?"
"Yeah I was a right prat myself to Harry fourth year, and I took off on the two of them in the midst of the hunt for the horcruxes."
"Not to mention all of the times you snogged Lavendar right in from of Mione," Harry put in.
Ron flinched and looked up, "Mate do you have to? She still knows that bloody bird charm?"
Harry laughed then turned back to Draco, "Snape was the Half Blood Prince. Wait if you don't know that how much do you know about Snape and the Order?"
"You mean that he was a double agent? I got all that from the Prophet and the Quibbler, I figured if it was in both it had to be the truth."
"Oh yeah I guess it was in there."
"Anyway, the books Harry," Hermione said, "They're written like they're made up stories. I haven't done more than skim through the first one but I had to buy them to read and see if they changed anything at all."
"Then you'll need this back," Harry held out the box.
"No that one's just for you. I bought one for myself."
"And one for Mum and Dad, and one for Bill and Fleur, and one for Percy, and one for-"
"We get the idea Ron, thanks."
Draco looked at Hermione questioningly, "You don't happen to have an extra do you? I'll pay you for it. Or could you tell me which shop I could go to, to buy a set."
Hermione reached in her handbag and pulled out another boxed set, "You can have this one."
"How much do I owe you?"
She shook her head, "Oh don't worry about it."
"No really. I can get Muggle money to give you or just tell me how many galleons."
"I have no idea how much it is in wizard money but it was £40."
"I'll go to Gringotts tomorrow and make the exchange. I can owl it to you or just have them deposit it in your account there."
"Really Draco it's ok. Just take the books."
"No I should pay. Besides you're probably going to be needing to buy more baby things, and from what I hear children are expensive."
"Too bloody right," Ron muttered then ducked his head as his wife sent him a glare.
"We need to go, we left Molly with the kids and she's bound to be needing her bed about now."
"Or a stiff drink," Draco whispered so that only Harry could hear.
Harry stood. "Thanks for bringing the books. I'll give them a look over."
"As will everyone else."
Ron and Hermione grabbed a handful of Floo powder each and quickly disappeared.
Harry turned to Draco, "You're really going to read these?"
Draco nodded, "I think it's more than time for me to face my past. Maybe if I read it in small parts like these books it won't be so bad."
Harry nodded, "We could start reading them now while we drink our tea."
"I suppose we could."
"You really don't want to read them with anyone else around do you?"
"No, I… oh hell. I'll read it. It's not like you weren't there and you're speaking to me now so why not."
Harry stifled a chuckle and gestured to the chair, "Make yourself comfortable."
They sat and read in silence for a while.
"I thought you didn't know you could speak Parseltongue?"
"I didn't."
"But you talked to the snake at the zoo."
"But I didn't know I wasn't speaking in English."
"You really lived in a cupboard?" This was simply unfathomable to Draco who had grown up at the Manor.
"Yes."
Draco shook his head.
"You're family are right aresholes."
"And yours is so wonderful?"
"Oi!"
"Ok your Mum is ok but your Dad was awful even to you."
Harry was answered by just a small nod.
"Hagrid used magic on a Muggle?"
"You gonna report him now?"
"No. I think I'd actually like to go shake his hand."
With this Harry jumped up and crossed to Draco's chair putting his hand on Malfoy's forehead.
"What are you doing?"
"Well you clearly aren't feeling well if you want to shake Hagrid's hand."
"Get off!"
Harry laughed and returned to his chair.
"I really must have been beastly to remind you of your cousin."
"Well it's not like you were nice."
"I know."
"It gets worse doesn't it."
"Well yes, but remember we were just kids. And you were a spoiled rich pureblood, so you know." Harry grinned.
Draco grimaced.
"Malfoy that was a joke."
"But it was the truth."
"Maybe I should skip ahead some."
"If you want."
"Ok fine, I won't bottle it. I'll keep reading but I think I am going to go home."
"Fine, we can pick up chess again next week."