tons and tons of feels ahead. toooooons of them. although i do hope my point gets across. drama tends to get wordy for some reason...


"I mean you should have seen it, Heymans. The kid was practically begging Edward to tell him his thoughts were lies and Edward just said that yeah, everyone hated him. I wanted to beat the Chief so badly but Ren… he just… that kid is so alone."

"Peanuts?" Heymans says, holding out a bowl of them.

I grab the bowl and begin to stuff them in my mouth. He must have noticed I was shaking from the anger and the hunger. This shrew thing is really annoying…

"Anyway, I didn't know what Edward was gonna do with the kid so I thought maybe he could stay here with us."

"Not to be the fly in the soup but what do we know about alchemy? That's kind of the whole point of Ed and Al taking care of him. He's not normal."

"Despite the coldness of the Chief, I can see that he's not himself. Everyone is relying on him way too much to do something he may not be able to even fix. Yeah, Ren's made of alchemy. But Fuery was morphed into that horrid dog-thing by alchemy, the Colonel got pregnant by bioalchemy, and his own brother is bound to a suit of armor by a blood seal… that is alchemy. I can see where he's got a lot on his shoulders. What he said in there wasn't what Edward Elric would say."

"So you want to try and take a bit of the burden off of him?"

"Yeah, just for a bit. Maybe until he can fix Fuery or something? One thing at a time."

"Won't that just make Ren feel even more hated?"

"Not if we make sure he doesn't. I'm not happy that Ren's existence killed our superior. Not at all. But Ren had no say in the matter and the only reason Mustang died was because Tucker took Ed. If he hadn't taken Edward then Mustang would have stayed in the hospital and he would have had a higher percentage of living. But that didn't happen and here we are."

"What about Hughes?"

"From what I gathered through Ren's sobs, he couldn't handle him either."

Breda thinks for a moment. "What about Hawkeye?"

I go to the icebox and grab some water. I drink down about three glasses before I put the pitcher up and open the top. My ice block is almost gone.

"Did you order another ice block?"

"The guy said he was coming today."

I nod. "And I don't think that would be a good idea. I mean…"

"Not to sound unsupportive, but I honestly don't see what we could do to help Ren. I'm still not exactly okay in the head and I don't want to cause anymore stress on anyone."

"You're fine." I say dismissively as I grab some more peanuts. "You're not bothering me."

"For now…"

"I just want Ren to be in a loving family… one that will care for him. Edward has way too much on his plate… he's also got the trauma of losing the Colonel on top of everything else. I just want Ed to get back to normal first before dealing anymore with Ren. You didn't see him, Breda…"

"If you think we can do something for him, then let's try. But…"

"If I see you're starting to have issues then I'll try to get someone to take him. I just really want to show him that someone cares."

Breda nods. "I'll try to stay calm."


~*~Alphonse~*~

I sit at the table in worry. I called Lieutenant Hawkeye but she didn't answer the phone and Fuery still hasn't come back with the rabbit-dog. I put my head in my hands as Winry looks at me from the other side of the table.

"Al… I want to help you guys-"

"You can't. Unless you know some sort of secret alchemy, you can't help us."

Winry sighs and I know she feels useless but we are everyone's best bet. Well… Brother is everyone's best bet but he's starting to break down. He can't handle all of this so I need to be able to help him. So far, I lost Fuery and the rabbit-dog.

"Ding dong! Ding dong!" I hear muffled outside.

I get up quickly and open the door, finding Fuery and the rabbit-dog. If I had a physical body I would have probably crumbled to the ground from relief and exhaustion. Instead, I go to my knees and Fuery runs to me, licking my helmet.

"Alphonse good. Fuery sorry."

"No, I'm sorry. We should have explained it better to you. You had every right to be mad at us."

"Fuery okay with Hop Hop. Fuery trust Edward and Fuery trust Alphonse."

"I'm so glad!" I say as the rabbit-dog slinks itself inside.

"Fuery know can do best you can. Fuery okay with that."

I pet his head as he lolls his tongue. "I'm glad. We'll do everything we can."

The phone rings and Winry gets up to get it as I pet the dogs for a second. She's oddly silent and I look up at her. She is nodding and clenching the receiver really tight. She answers curtly to whoever is on the other line and slams the phone down.

"Winry?"

"That was Central."

"What did they say?"

"One of the officers saw Edward on the bridge. He told one of his other men to go down below just in case. He said that when he spoke to Edward, there was no life left in his eyes and that little piece of shit jumped off. Luckily, the other officer had been there to catch him, but he said that he was screaming out how much he wanted to die. So they took him to the hospital, where he is being strapped down and being kept for observation."

Fuery whimpers and I clench my hands.

"I knew he wasn't okay… Stupid Brother!"

"Fuery come too?"

"No, you'll stay with Winry, okay? She'll take good care of you while I'm gone. Maybe you and her can find a good name for the rabbit-dog, okay?"

Fuery barks happily. "Hop Hop gets a name!" he says, wagging his tail.

"I'm leaving it to you."

I go out and run to the hospital, ready to kill my brother. I wish he would just talk to me sometimes! Why does he have to be so dramatic?


~*~Ren~*~

I know I'm not supposed to get up but I could hear the people talking about someone that looked like Uncle Ed had been brought back to this place. I wonder why he was here… I get up but have to move the funny metal thing with me and I shuffle along.

"Oh, sweetheart, where are you going?" a nice lady asks me.

"I'm trying to find my uncle. His name is Edward…"

The lady frowns. "What does he look like?"

"He has yellow hair and yellow eyes and is kind of small."

She looks sad and I look away.

"Is… is that bad?"

"No, it's not that. I don't think it would be a good idea to see your uncle. He's not feeling very well."

I feel my eyes widen. "He's sick?"

"Not… necessarily…"

"Ren?"

I turn and see Uncle Al. The lady looks up at him and I smile at him."

"Uncle Al, the lady said Uncle Ed is here but she won't let me he see him."

Uncle Al looks at the lady. "He's with me. Um, so you know where my brother is?"

"Yes, he's down the hall but… I really don't think it's a good idea to take the boy…"

"Thank you." Uncle Al says, grabbing my hand anyway.

We walk down the hallway and I don't want to tell him what happened but maybe it was my fault again.

"Uncle Al?"

"Yeah?"

"Um… I… when Uncle Ed was here I-"

"Whatever has happened probably isn't your fault, Ren. Not everything is your fault."

"That's what Uncle Ed said… well, he said not everyone hates me."

Uncle Al looks down at me and stops walking.

"Why did he say that?"

I rub my arm. "I… I asked him if he hated me and told him not to lie. So he didn't lie but said that not everyone hated me."

I don't can't see Uncle Al's face but for some reason I think he's mad.

"He said he hated you?"

"He just didn't say he didn't. He said I should be with someone else that's not him."

Uncle Al bends down and looks at me.

"Whatever Ed said to you, it's not true. He's going through a lot of things right now and I don't think he can think straight. We don't hate you."

I touch Uncle Al's metal face.

"I can't see your face cuz it doesn't change but you don't have to lie. I didn't want Uncle Ed to lie either."

Uncle Al stands up and looks away from me.

"I'm not lying but I think that nurse was right. You stay out here while I deal with my brother."

Uncle Al walks away and I sit on the chairs to wait for him.


~*~Alphonse~*~

I find Brother's door and open it, finding him in the bed laying dormant. His eyes are open and he's breathing rapidly but he is staring at nothing. I walk in and go over to him. His eyes flicker to me and he lunges at me.

"Get me out of here!" he yells.

"Brother, for right now it's for your own safety that you stay here. You tried to jump off of a bridge! You did jump off of a bridge! If that officer hadn't put a man under it to catch you, you could have died!" I grab his clothes and shake him. "What the hell is your problem?! What's going on?!"

"I can't do this anymore!" he screamed.

"Do what?"

"I can't be here anymore! I can't think, I can't fix everything, I can't be everyone's pillar of hope! I can't do this! I'm not a god! I can't make everything better or be the best at everything or make everything okay! I'm only one person and… and I just… I just…"

"You just what, Brother?"

He began to sob and I watched as he broke down, turning his head as far into the pillow as he could.

"I don't want to be strong anymore. I don't want to have to be the person everyone relies on. I can't do anything or comfort anyone more than anyone else. Everyone turns to me when things like this happen but I'm just a kid… I'm a kid and no one seems to understand that. I can't mourn because I have a kid to take care of, I can't mourn because I have a promise I need to fulfill, I can't mourn because everyone else is mourning and I have to be strong for them! I just told a kid that I hated him because I feel that he should feel as guilty as me! I want Ren to suffer with me because we killed Mustang together, he and I. We are a tag team of murderers! I KILLED ROY MUSTANG! I KILLED HIM AND THAT KID HELPED ME DO IT!"

I watch my brother crumble into a shamble of tears and I don't know what to do. The crux of everything is just that: he believes the he killed the Colonel and that no one will agree with him. Since no one will do that, he puts half the blame on Ren, who everyone kind of believes killed the Colonel.

"Ed… do you believe that Ren killed the Colonel?"

"He's a little baby… he didn't mean anything…" he whimpers sadly.

"Then why do you blame him with you?"

"No one likes Ren and if Ren thinks he did it then I can comfort him with my secret. We'll be the only ones who know…"

"Then… what do you want?" I ask softly.

Edward turns back to me. "I want everyone to love Ren. I want someone to keep him and love him but not me. I can't because I killed Mustang and if I have Ren, I will try to make him my scapegoat when I know deep in my heart that it was me. I can't keep Ren because I make him the enemy when he had nothing to do with it. And then I feel guilty for lying and for trying and I just can't keep going around in circles like this."

"Are you wanting to be blamed for the Colonel's death? Do you really want everyone to view you as a killer?"

Edward looks at me solemnly. "I just want the death of my superior to go to the real killer, not a kid who doesn't understand. Not a kid who everyone already hated from the fucking womb. I'm tired of dealing with all the fake smiles and fake acceptance and fake sympathies they have to him. I'm tired of trying to play along when everyone knows the real reason he died… and it wasn't from Ren."

"Then why try to kill yourself and leave Ren with the same thoughts? That's so selfish of you, Brother." I growl.

"I just wanted it to stop…"

"A permanent solution to a temporary problem! You're so dramatic sometimes! Why can't you just talk?! Why can't you just have a deep conversation with someone to tell your feelings to so that you don't go to these extremes?! You always think you can find answers elsewhere when you could find them fine if you just TALKED!" I am trembling where tears can't form and I try to stay calm. "Brother, I love you and I will be your listening ear. I won't judge you, I won't think badly of you, and I won't blame you for a lot of the stuff you think you should be blamed for. But you have to be willing to say something. I can't lose you."

I walk to the door and put my hand on the knob.

"I'm gonna leave you here for a bit so you can cool down. I'll tell everyone not to come and visit. Maybe if you sit in the dark for a bit, you'll get your head straight."

I walk out and go help Ren to his room.

"Is Uncle Ed alright?"

"No, he's not. Don't bother him right now."

"Did I do something?"

"No, it's not you at all. I promise. He's just… unstable."

Ren nods and we go back to his room.


ed's line of thinking is hard to explain but basically, he feels guilty for (believing) he killed mustang. to keep himself from that guilt, he tries to share the blame with ren. but then he feels guilty about that because he knows ren didn't do anything. so then it's a vicious cycle of him trying to shift blame but keep it at the same time until he finally just broke. knowing he was adding to the hate of a defenseless child was too much for him.

he'll be aight... and now that that drama is over we can move on a little hehe