Hey guys, so this is the last chapter I think… I don't know if I'll continue it or start a new one. I don't know, maybe continuing this story with Jay being called back to the Rangers or something else. If you guys have any idea let me know! Anyway, I think you'll love this chapter, please read until the end. And tell me what you thought about it! Linstead all the way…

"HOLD ON ERIN!" he begged, keen on rescuing the girl stuck in the car under the water. Jay frantically dove back into the water, moving straight down to her leg upon believing that he could free it in an instant. He was so focused on the task of releasing Erin's stuck leg that he failed to notice how her body once again convulsed for several moments before she grew completely calm. When he failed to achieve his goal without growing short of air he decided to keep on, not coming back to the surface without her.

Yet he quickly noticed that Erin was floating lifelessly, her hazel eyes open and lacking focus and her body unresponsively limp. He momentarily froze realizing that she was slipping through his fingers, that he would lose her if he wouldn't get her out of there quickly, but he instantly came to his senses, unwilling to accept the possibility that she would just die there in that car, when they had all their lives ahead of them.

With anger surging in his body at the unfairness of the situation he was being put in, Jay shoved the steering column and pulled Erin's leg with more force than he had ever thought he would use upon her delicate body and finally her slender leg drooped downwards, floating freely like the rest of her body. Not wasting even a second, Jay fastened his arms around Erin's unconscious form and began rising back up to the night's stormy air, praying with all his heart that he wasn't too late…

Rising up above water-level, Jay's lungs forced him to quickly inhale air, yet when Erin's limp body grew heavier in his arms as he lifted her from the water, he felt like he couldn't breathe. He knew that the girl in his arms, who hadn't moved once since he had pulled her out of the car, might not be alive anymore.

He quickly raced back up to the bridge and lowered Erin's motionless body to the asphalt, making sure to cradle her head so it won't get hurt. Giving Erin one short look, Jay realized he couldn't waste even one more second and quickly began performing CPR- giving her chest compressions and afterwards pausing to breathe air into her mouth.

"COME ON, ERIN, FIGHT!" he urged her, feeling the blood draining out of his face as time passed by and Erin didn't seem to be responding at all to his actions.

"COME ON, ERIN, NOT LIKE THIS!" he pleaded with her in the midst of his actions, feeling as though he was slowly losing her more and more. "Come back to me!" he begged her before once again pressing his mouth to hers and pushing air into her body, hoping that he could bring her back to life from the unconscious state she was slipping more and more into before it would be too late.

As her lips began turning blue and her pulse continued weakening, Jay felt a lump forming in his throat. Erin was lying sprawled out in front of him and running out of time all because of him.

Shaking his head, Jay tried to rid himself of his disturbing thoughts and bent down, once again blowing oxygen into Erin's mouth and afterwards continuing to compress her chest. Upon noticing no change in her demeanour, however, his mind wandered over to all the things he wanted to see Erin doing in her life; At that moment, however, he only wanted one thing, he was desperately begging her for one thing.

"COME ON, ERIN, BREATHE!" his voice broke within the minutes of falling to wake her up.

The few people who witnessed the scene immediately called 911 which arrived on the scene pretty soon after. The paramedic rushed to them with a stretcher. Once they put her onto it, Jay never left her side, still performing the CPR.

"Let me take it from here!" One of the paramedic said. After some hard attempt to distance Jay from Erin, he decided to let them make their job. But he never left her side.

"Give her three milligram of epinephrine!" one of the other paramedic ordered while the other injected it to her.

"Let's go!" he added while getting up with Erin on the stretcher. They quickly made their way to the ambulance.

Jay let them no other choice but to let him go with them in the trunk. While they were still trying to inject the same liquid as earlier and massage her, Jay was sitting behind her head, stroking her hair.

He was a mess, devastated at the though of loosing her. He was trying to whisper words so she would wake up. "Come on Erin wake up!" kissing her forehead. "I don't know who I am without you…" he closed his eyes letting tears rolling on his cheeks. He felt hopeless, powerless, responsible.

"FIVE MINUTES AWAY!" the driver yelled.

Jay looked at the paramedic trying to resuscitate her. This latter looked at Jay and Jay could fell the loose of hope in the man's eyes. He slightly shook his head and looked back at Erin laid in front of him. He leant toward her ear "Here is a secret baby" he stroked her hair "you control the hole thing. If you live if you die, it's all up to you. So whatever fight you have in there… you have to pull it out now!" he said one last time before looking at her intensely. His eyes were full of hope as he waited for her to wake up. But nothing happened. The paramedic stopped doing compression. He was desperate as well.

Jay's hopes turned down. He shook his head as he realized she might be dead. Her immobility took his breath away. Literally, he couldn't breathe anymore. He slowly straightened, moved back from her but still looking at her, realizing she was dead.

Suddenly the paramedic hit her chest with his own elbow. This was the last resort he could do and it was a risky one, trying to make her heart beat again and make her lungs reject the water. Jay looked chocked at first then looked back at Erin, his eyes filled with hope again.

She suddenly coughed out the water in her system and began to gasp for air in frantic wheezes.

"It's O.K., it's O.K…." Jay reassured her as she struggled to refill her suffocating lungs with much needed oxygen, shaking with her uncontrollable coughs and sharp intakes of air.

She was scared and disoriented.

This latter let out a gasp of relieve and joy. He immediately bent over her and kissed her forehead.

The paramedic rapidly took care of her come back by injecting her something else inside her arm. While doing so, Jay moved next to her so he could take her head in his hands. "You're okay, you're alive!" he whispered but it was more to reassure himself.

Once they arrived at the hospitals, she was taken immediately by the others doctors and that's when Jay lost her trace.

"Where is she?!" Voight stormed into the hospital, looking around him, searching for his girl. Jay got up form the waiting room and made his way toward Erin's father figure.

"Hank!"

Voight knows that when cops of his unit calls him by his first name, it isn't good.

Rage filled his eyes as he rushed toward Jay. He gripped Jay by the collar and pushed him against the closest wall.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HER?!"

Jay waved his hands up, as a surrender, letting him yell at him. Truthfully he would have done the same thing. Everything was his fault. He was the one driving while purchasing a car.

Something went wrong while they reached the bridge. The purchased car collided with Jay's and Erin's car. At first, Jay succeed to maintain them on the road but the last bump was to violent. Jay lost the control of the wheel and the car crossed the bridge to end into the water. When the two of them gained back their consciousness, the water reached their neck and was keeping filling the car very fast.

"Jay! My leg…" Erin breathed out. "My leg is stuck!" she said in a rush, looking at the water rising up.

"Hold on!" Jay was trying to get rid of his seatbelt. Once he did, he leant over Erin. He plunged his head in the water to look at her leg stuck. He rose back and looked on the back of the car. Erin's frantic gasped for air rang in his ears as he searched the car. But all Jay could hear was his racing heartbeat and Erin's unhealthily strained intakes of breath as she struggled to keep her head above the rising water-level.

After what seemed like an eternity, he found the bar of metal he was searching for.

"Jay… Jay…" her voice was desperate. All she managed to utter in her current state was his name, but through that single word, she was able to express a million different things; she was telling him that she was truly struggling to breathe, she was telling him that she was terrified that she would drown and she was begging him to save her from the nightmare she wished she could wake up from, yet knew was a reality.

"Hold on Erin! I got you!" he moved back to the front of the car and plunged his head back toward her leg.

While he was underwater struggling to unblock her leg, she managed to take one last breath before she was completely engulfed in water.

Jay rose back up to take a breath of oxygen. Much to his horror, as he turned to face the spot where he had left Erin, he saw a rapid flow of water, yet no sign of her.

"ERIN!" with his heart thumping in his chest wildly, Jay speedily made his way back under the water, realizing that it was up to him to get her out of that car, that if he would fail- she would die and he would spend an entire lifetime feeling inconsolably, guilty and heartbroken, if he would ever even be able to breathe without her in this world…

While Voight was still holding Jay against the wall, Dr. Rhodes appeared. Voight immediately let go of Jay, questioning the doctor with his eyes.

"She is fine." He said. "She is a little shaken but she will be better."

Voight breathed out a heavy and relieved sighed. "Can I see her?" Voight asked still concerned, he needed to make sure she was alive. Rhodes nodded and accompanied Voight to her room. Jay didn't move an inch. Of course he wanted to see her. But was that a good idea? The phrase that Allie's father told him came back to him, resonating into his mind "Everyone close to you dies Jay". Jay couldn't face the damage he had done to her. He was so ashamed for putting her in danger when he knew he was a danger to her. So he left the hospitals, well aware she would hate him for not coming to see her.

Voight arrived in front of her room. He knocked and smiled at her when she opened her eyes.

"Hey…" he whispered to not rush her.

Erin blinked a few times and smiled at him. "Hey…" she replied with her raspy voice.

"How are you holding up?" he asked her with his concerned face.

she took a minute to sit on her bed before responding. "Okay… I guess."

"You got us worried for a minute…" he chuckled nervously at the thought of loosing her.

She looked at him with a serious face, telling him not to worry. "I'm fine Hank…".

Voight nodded and looked at his girl. This latter turned her gaze through the door and her face seemed disappointed.

"Jay isn't here?!" She could feel Hank's body contracting once she asked. This was bad. "What?! Is he okay?!" she asked, now being the one concerned.

"He's more than fine!" he replied coldly. Although, he was surprised that she didn't ask for Logan.

"Hank, this wasn't his fault…" she tried to plead his innocence. She needed Voight to understand that Jay would never do anything that would put her in danger.

"It's never his fault anyway…" he replied rolling his eyes as he stepped back to sit on the armchair next to her.

"Hank…" Erin warned her father figure to stop this behavior. "Stop. You don't know a thing!"

"Oh I know enough!" he began to argue.

"It doesn't matter you don't! We were chasing a guy that rolled off and he bumped into us. We ended up in the water. My leg was trapped and Jay was the one to get me out." She explained pissed off by Voight's attitude. "I'll be dead right now without him."

"No, without him you wouldn't be in this hospital. You would have been at your apartment safe and sound."

Erin shook her head and closed her eyes while he was speaking. "Stop!"

"God Erin can't you see that when the two of you are working together you always end up into dangerous situation?! First, him when he was captured by Carl and Henry while you were who knows where and now you while he was driving…"

"You made sure as hell nothing happens between us, and we respected that, both of us. What more do you want from us!" she said angry.

"Do you realize what you are saying?" he asked, now pissed. "You are with Logan for damn sick!"

She shut her mouth and looked down.

Voight looked at her. He was concerned of her well being. He knew that she wasn't the same since Jay came back. She was more distant, always in her thoughts, sometimes pissed at the team for no reason. He wasn't dumb. He knew this was about Jay. He just wished he was wrong. But he couldn't fight their connection any longer and avoid what was happening in front of his eyes. Maybe the only way for her and the team go be safe was for her to make the right choice and be fully happy. This way, there wouldn't be any tension in the team.

"Erin you need to figure things out. Or someone will end up really hurt!" he sighed. They looked at each other before Voight decided to get up. "I'll let you rest! Come back when you are ready." He said before kissing her forehead and leaving.

Two days later, Erin was out of the hospital. Logan proposed to bring her home but she kindly reclined, assuring him she was fine. Logan would show up every time he had some time off. She was happy to see him, really, but she always seemed to have her mind on something else, making her mentally absent while she was physically present. And Logan noticed that. He just thought it was because she was still a little shook up.

Jay didn't came visit her once. He never answered her calls and she learned by Logan that he took some time off, but that he asked for news about her anyway.

After a few days off, and a lot of time to think, Erin knew what she had to do, and she wasn't gonna wait any longer. She took her car keys and drove at Logan's place. Once she arrived in front of his apartment door, she breathed out a heavy sigh and knocked. Her heart began to race when she heard the footstep coming closer to the door.

"Hey…" she practically whispered when her boyfriend opened the door.

Logan analyzed her face then stepped back to let her in. He closed the door and joined her in his living room. Even if they were facing each other, Erin couldn't make herself looking at him; Instead, she was looking down at her feet with her arms crossed.

"You okay?!" he asked concerned.

"I-" she began to talk but stopped. She didn't know how to do that. The right words didn't come. "God I thought this would be easier…" she sighed, nervous. She took a long breath and decided to go for it. "I'm sorry Logan I can't do this anymore…" she practically whispered with her raspy voice. It was very emotional for to break up with him. He had been her rock for years, the one that comforted her in hard situation, the one to protect her and was there for her. The one that shared his life with her. But it didn't felt right for her to continue this relation when she clearly had feelings for another man. And it wouldn't have been fare to him to make him endure this.

Logan looked confused at first. He clearly didn't expect this when she showed up at his door. He was confused and didn't understood where this came from. He looked at her intensely, trying to analyze her emotions, her body language.

Then understood. His body loosened and his face had no more expression on it. They hanged there, in silence, for a long instant. Then Logan needed to break the silence, he needed to ask the question. He looked down at her.

"Are you in love with him?" He didn't have to name the person in question, they both knew who they were talking about. It had been a moment since he wanted to ask her this but he never really had the courage of affronting the reality.

She didn't respond. First because she couldn't tell him the truth, it was too damn hard and didn't want to hurt him. And she couldn't bring the right words. But she wasn't gonna lie either. So she decided to keep her mouth shut, hoping he would understand.

Logan looked elsewhere, understanding what her silence meant. "Right." He sighed. "I guess I already knew that didn't I ?...". Surprisingly, he stayed very calm and mature. She looked up, got closer to him and kissed him on the cheek. She didn't move back after that.

"I am so so sorry…" she whispered to his ear before leaving.

When she was out of his building, Erin had one thing on her mind, seeing Jay. It's been too long since they haven't seen each other –since the accident and she needed to talk to him.

So she drove at his place but when she arrived in front of his door, she hesitated.

She paced in the corridor for what seemed to be an eternity, trying to figure out what she was gonna tell him, what her presence here really meant for the two of them.

Then she turned around to look at the door, stepped closer and knocked.

When Jay opened the door, he seemed very surprise to see her here. But he didn't open the door entirely. So Erin pushed it so she could make all her way in, in need to talk to him.

When she arrived in the living room, she looked around and could see a bag on his bed, half packed. She turned her head to look at him, confusion all over her face. She glared at him and he lowered his eyes. She looked back at the bag and then closed her eyes realizing what he intended to do. She shook her head and opened her eyes.

"Jay this wasn't your fault!" she said in a rush, stepping closer to him. He wanted to leave. But Jay stepped back. "Yes it was!" he replied, avoiding her glare.

"Everyone who seems close to me end up hurt one way or another, and I won't take the risk of loosing you. Not after what happened!"

"You couldn't have avoided this!"

"This is exactly my point. I can't avoid this, and I'll never be able to!" he retorted.

"So what?! You were just gonna leave again, without saying goodbye?! Is that you intended to do?!" she asked angry.

"I was gonna tell you goodbye!" he said painfully.

Erin scoffed. "right!" Her hands found her waist. "I'm not going to have this conversation again. I can't just sit here while I'm waiting for you to come back!"

"I don't want that, either." He looked at her, sad.

"Then stay! Just be the love of my life!" she said out loud smiling painfully.

"I'm sorry, Er. I can't do that" he finished packing his things and walked away, deliberately leaving Erin behind. Erin stood in shock, in the center of the living room, not believing that he was gonna leave her again.

Another sob falls from her lips.

"No. No. No! Don't you dare walk away from me!" she yelled at him turning around to face his back which stopped on his way out. "I swear to God, Jay, if you take one more step, we are done, okay? No more surprises, no more excuses, no more chances. We are done!" her voice broke.

This tore his heart apart. If there was any other option, he would take it. But he couldn't take the chance of loosing her.

"I'm doing this for your sake! To protect you!" he said desperate.

"I don't need protection! All I need is you!" she claimed out loud.

His eyes closed. "It's easier with him." he admitted in a nonchalant way, referring to Logan. He needed to be as cold as possible so it would be easier for her to let him go.

"God this is stupid!" she let out a tearful laugh, running her hands through her hair. She couldn't believe he was playing the Logan's card to get rid of her.

Everything Jay could think about when he imagined himself and Erin together was the danger he would make her leave, daily. He turned around and looked at her, her eyes full of desperation and sadness.

"What do you want from me, Erin, huh?" he asked waving his hands in the air, dropping his bag on his way.

"I want you to stop acting like you don't give a crap about us. Like nothing we went through matters. It's bullshit!" she yelled full of rage.

"Is that what you think?" he replied angry as well.

"That's what I know."

"You don't know nothing." He let out a cold laugh, shaking his head.

"I know you look at me and you just see another dead girl. I'm not Allie. I'm not Abby. And you don't get to treat me like crap just because you're afraid!"

"I ain't afraid of nothing." He replied really angry this time.

Erin stayed silent for a minute or two, trying to gather her thoughts. Then she stepped closer to him. Jay turned away from her so he didn't have to look at her. It was already too painful this way.

Erin got closer to him, put her hands on his back, closed her eyes and sighed.

"I don't know what you're so mad about and I don't know what you're scared of because you won't talk to me." She paused "But I'm scared to!".

Jay turned around and didn't wait a second before answering her. "You wanna know what I'm scared of?!" he yelled turning back to look at her in the eyes. Erin looked taken aback at his tone and the sudden of his reply. She eyed him, confused, waiting for him to say what he was afraid of.

"I'm scared of everything!" he yelled out "I'm scared to move, I'm scared to breathe, I'm scared to touch you." He took a minute to take a breath never breaking their glance. "I can't loose you. I won't survive." He paused. "And that's your fault! You made me love you, you made me let you in and then you freaking died in my arms!" still yelling at her. She didn't know what to reply. This situation was so messed up. They were a mess. She took a breath and looked up, her hands on her waist.

"so what do you want?" she asked him once and for all, not leaving before having a serious answer to all of her questions. Jay sighed, his posture relaxed and his face softened. He took a minute or two to look at how beautiful the woman standing in front of him was and how painfully his next declarations were gonna be.

"I want you to get everything you are looking for. I just…" he paused, took a breath, "It won't be with me." he finally said. She definitely not understood his answer. Well, she understood it but she couldn't believe it. She stepped back, looking at him with baffled and dejected eyes.

Jay took a step closer to apologize but the distance between them got extended again by her stepping back.

"All I ever wanted was for life to be beautiful for you. Look at what it has been. And what good am I doing you?!" he added. His face looked devastated. "You deserve so much better than this" he waved his hands in the air referring to the situation "And now, you will never have to worry about me anymore…"

"I can't believe you are doing this to me again… to us!" she yelled at him.

"Listen to me…" he tried to get closer to her but she distanced herself again.

"No! No. You don't get to say goodbye!" she looked at him with her enraged eyes and her jaw clenched. She was so angry right now. She was staring at him, unable to believe how this situation turned out. Her eyes were full of rage and yet full of sadness, filled with tears which only asked to fall down. She tried to hold them but it was in vain. One of them rolled on her cheek. She shook her head and looked down so he wouldn't see it.

"You are lying to yourself!" her voice broke but her tone was angry. "You could have had happiness if you could just believe that someone would want you!" she peered at him trying to tell everything with her eyes. "But you can't take the chance! Now you've made your choice and you're gonna regret it forever. And that's what I want you to remember… that you hurt me." She said in a lower tone.

"Erin, you deserve everything-" Erin raised her hand to make him stop.

"Stop! I don't wanna talk about my future, Jay! Because everything you're saying makes it perfectly clear you aren't gonna be in it." she said before turning around and walking away, swiping the tears with both of her hands on her way out.

"Come on Jay! One day you're gonna have to stop drowning your sorrow in whiskey!" Olivia joked.

Jay faint a fake smile before taking another gulp of his alcohol.

"You don't know what you are talking about!" he replied as he put a hand on his forehead to support his heavy head.

"No you right, I have no idea. Enlighten me then! What is going on again?!" she asked him.

Jay looked at his sister, then looked back at his glass. He took a minute or two before answering. He shrugged his shoulders.

"I'm in love with her..." he finally admitted. Olivia straightened on her seat as she understood Erin was the reason of his pain. "And It's driving me crazy. I'm out of control." He looked into the space. "I'm in love with a woman I can never have." He drank his glass entirely before putting it down and pouring himself another one. He shook his head painfully, heartbroken. Olivia looked at him, sad about how a wreck his brother was. She tried to find the right words to clear his mind.

"Well, you know what they say… 'If you love somebody set them free and then… if they really love you, they'll come back to you'"

Jay shook his head, still looking into the space. "I didn't push her away so she could come back to me… I've always been comfortable running anyway...in fact...I know no other way!"

"Why do you wanna leave when you have someone that is willing to give you everything you ever wanted?!" she asked. "Love will make you strong Jay! It will make you the man that I know you want to be! And you have to remember that because I won't always be here to remind you!" she placed her hand in his and squeezed it. His brother was such a stubborn man; he couldn't see he was loosing the love of his life. She was swiping away from him.

"I'm doing this because I love her! I want her to live the best life she'll ever have… a life she can't have with me…"

"That's not love! That's fear, Jay. That fear is so powerful it's been overwhelming any love that you feel for her!" she paused, looking at him, trying to shake him. "You run from you fears, you're not living!"

"And yes, real life is sometimes thoughtless and mean but that doesn't cancel out the love. So if you don't love this girl, walk away but if you look at her and you know she is the one, you owe it to yourself to give her a chance! To give YOU a chance!"

Jay scoffed.

"Hey maybe it's crazy, maybe it's irrational but it's there just look the girl in the eyes, it's right there." Olivia said leaning toward him.

Jay didn't respond, he was looking at his glass and drink it all.

"The world is messed up." He whispered.

"Not all of it!" she replied. "Sometimes you make choice in life and sometimes choices make you!" she shrugged her shoulders with a sad smile "life is just this big, fat gigantic sinking mess…that's the beauty of it too"

Jay looked at her sister's eyes and he could read hope in them.

"No matter how buried it gets or how lost you feel you must promise me that you'll hold on to hope. Keep it alive. We have to be greater than what we suffer. And even if we fail, what better way is there to live?"

Kim and Erin were together at Kim's place. While Kim had a glass of red wine, Erin reach out for something stronger. She poured herself tequila.

Erin was the one mostly talking. Kim knew she had a lot on her mind and on her heart that needed to be taking out.

"He's..." she shook her head "He's wonderful in a million different ways…and it has been overwhelming and humbling and even painful at times. But I'm just hopelessly irretrievably in love with him. More than he knows. But he's to broken. He's incapable of love."

Erin drove back to her apartment late, but when she got out from her car and made her way to her building, she saw Olivia, sitting on the stairs. She was waiting outside, for Erin to show up.

"Olivia?!" Erin asked confused. This latter looked up and got up. She made her way toward her and put her hands deep in her pockets.

"I am very zen, I practice yoga, have candies all over my apartment, but I wanna kick your ass so badly right now it's killing me!" she admitted.
"excuse me?" Erin replied definitely confused.

"I'm talking about Jay. Jay Halstead."

Erin looked down.

"Are you letting him go away? Because I swear to god Erin if you let him leave again…" Olivia stopped, took a deep breath and regained her control.

"What are you doing?!"

"Olivia I tried okay?! He's just… I don't know."

Olivia stepped closer to erin, put her hands on Erin's shoulders and looked at her in a way that is saying I'm gonna tell it once and once only

From my experience... you get this person who is all wrong and all right at the same time. And you know that you love them so much even when they just drive you completely insane! And no one can explain it and the reason it's so confusing it's because it's because of love. But id love didn't have any chalenges, what would be the point?" she admitted.

Erin was about to respond to that but Olivia just cut her off. "Just think about it!" before walking away. Erin turned around to watch her leave. She sighed and made her way in her building. She wished she could have done something for Jay. But she couldn't be the only one fighting for the both them. She was done with that. She already tried and it got them nowhere.

Erin took a long hot shower and decided to go to bed right after, too tired to do anything else. She looked at her reflection on the mirror, she was a wreck. Her face looked like shit, she could feel that all of her muscle were tensed because of the last exhausting days. All of this stress and angst and fight has exhausted her.

She was about to go to sleep when she heard a knock. She just closed her eyes and sighed. This couldn't be it. She couldn't just have another conversation with anyone, she was too tired, physically and mentally. But the knocked kept ranging at her door. So she rushed to the door, determined to get ride of the person behind the door.

She opened it violently and froze at the person standing on the other side. Then she took back her usual composure.

"You're to late Jay!" she said coldly before closing the door.

"I don't care!" he put his foot between the door and the doorframe and made his way in.

"Just hear me out!" he said as he turned around to look at her. "I was scared of how much I loved you. I was scared of this, this right here." He moved his hand back and forth between the two of them. "Okay?! And yes, I lie and I trick people to avoid the truth of how I feel. And the idea of letting anyone close to me is, is terrifying for obvious reasons but the truth is that I can't imagine waking up, knowing that I won't see you. The truth is I love you. I am so in love with you!" he giggled nervously, relieved that he finally told her what's buried deep into his heart. "And It scares me … You are literally the best person I've ever known and for me to think that I could change you…" he doesn't finish his sentence but he knew she knew what he meant. "You are the best influence on me. You are the good and I need a little good in my life. Because without it, there's an awful lot of darkness…You are… You are the lightest thing that ever came into my life" he whispered the last sentence, looking at her with his ablaze, desirous and electric eyes. Erin looked deep into them. He had no right looking at her like that. It was to easy. And she wasn't gonna fall into this trap again. She gave him so many chances and every time he failed her. She wouldn't handle another painful heartbreak. She shook her head.

"It's to late Jay! I've stood by you through all of this but I can't watch your self destruct any longer! There is no one to blame but yourself." She took a long breath "I can't do this anymore… this is exhausting me, I can't breathe, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't-" her voice broke a little bit more to each words she was saying.

Jay got closer to her, he placed his hands on her cheeks and looked at her right in the eyes.

do you realize what you are to me? What you're always going to be? You are the love of my life...Erin I love you!" he paused. "And I don't wanna spend another day of my life without you…" he looked at her face, her eyes, her nose, her mouth. He smiled, never taking his eyes off her lips.

"So what are you saying?!" she asked.

"I'm saying that I'm staying. You are stuck with me for the rest of our lives!" he finally admitted, still looking at her lips.

"And you have no idea how badly I want to kiss you right now." He whispered to her still looking at the same spot. Inside her, it was fireworks and butterflies. She could tell he had never been more honest and ready in his life.

So after a long silence, she looked at his eyes and opened her mouth.

"What's stopping you?"

He looked at her and leant over to kiss her. He could feel her smiling while doing so. She wrapped one hand on behind his neck and the other one came laying on his cheek.

The water was cascading down Erin's hair and all over her body. She has her eyes closed but she knew he is there. He didn't have to say a word. She could feel his eyes watching her as she showered. Her eyes remained closed as she rinsed off the shampoo, along with all the stress and dirt from a busy day.

She finally opened her eyes…just in time to see him slip off his black boxer briefs and step into the standing shower with her. She stepped backwards to allow the shower head to spray him with droplets that did nothing but accentuate his strong shoulders, glisten off of his arms and trickle down his chest. She was thinking how hot the man standing in front of her was.

A splash of water hit her face and she was shaken out of her reverie.

"What are you daydreaming about there, pretty girl?" Jay asked smiling at her while putting a brand of her wet hair behind her ear.

"Nothing…" she put her hands on his chest and looked up to meet his blue ocean eyes.

Then Jay placed his hands on her hips and gently pushed her against the shower wall, starting to kiss her along her neck, her shoulders…

"Did you miss me today?" Erin asked, breathless, her hands travelling around his neck and hair. The two of them took back their job in Intelligence, but no one knew about the two of them. So they had to be as much professional as the could, avoiding to look at each other the way the like to do, to not distract the other.

"Umm…naw, not really" he said, breaking slightly apart, while shaking his head no. "I can think of 10 other places I would rather be right now, instead of showering naked with you…like being in a gym with a bunch of sweaty, smelly men," he teased.

She laughed out loud. They have grown to love and understand each other's sense of sarcastic humor. She knew how to read through his sarcasm to realize that the most important things out of his mouth, are what he does not say.

She kissed him on the lips. What started as an innocent peck, turned into an instant of hunger. His arms gripped around her tighter, as he pressed her even harder against the wall. Her arms were around his neck as their lips melt into one and her tongue searched out his.

Their time apart this day has only made their kisses even more intense and their carnal desires even harder to fight. She missed him terribly and her heart and body just won't let her pull away from his kisses. Finally, he stopped and willed himself to pull away. Erin doesn't know how he does it, but Jay has always had more willpower than her.

"Whew…" he said, while catching his breath. "We've got to stop before I lose all self-control in the shower." He chuckled.

He gently got his hands off of her hips. Erin had already finished washing herself up but she grabbed their two bath sponges and poured body wash into both…one for him and one for her…so that they could wash each other down. They have been secretly dating for a few days now. Out of respect for Logan but also because they thought it would be best if they kept things out of the team for now, going slowly on their relationship.

Anyway, this wasn't their first shower together. They have this routine and it is a habit Erin loves.

She turned her back to him so he could scrub her down…first her back, then her neck. Jay got closer to her, pressing his torso against her back. She was locked between the wall and his body while he kissed her bare shoulders, her neck.

She then placed her hands on the shower wall to support herself silently begging him not to stop. Then he spun her around to face him. His lips began a trail of kisses down her neck, towards her collarbone, down her chest as a moan escaped her mouth. She then pulled him back to the wall behind him and slammed him against it where she can feel his skin.

She started washing his chest…his shoulders…his neck…. His face was serious and his eyes were zoomed in on her beautiful face. He simply placed little soft kisses everywhere as he was still gently scrubbing her lower back. Gosh… she wished he didn't have such restraint.

Then Jay suddenly put his mouth over her lips. His hands are all over her ass…Then she leant herself closer to him and held onto the back of his head. The shower was hitting her back…this felt like a dream… His hands slowly moved from her butt to her hips. Her fingers scaling through his hair while his muscular arms form a hold across her back, bringing them closer than imaginable. Meanwhile, her tongue begs for access.

She can do nothing but smile as their tongues dance together. After a moment, both of them started shivering as the shower grew colder. Erin finally turned the water off.

He hugged her tenderly and placed little pecks all over her cheeks. He got out of the shower, soon followed by her.

Jay grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. Then he grabbed a towel for Erin and slowly dried her off. She looked into his face…and he is smiling at her…hard. She never saw him this happy. If she had known they had to go through everything they had to see him smiling like this, she wouldn't have believed it. And it made her chuckle.

"Wait, are you laughing at me?" he asked giggling too.

"Yes. Don't ask me why…"

"Why are you laughing at me?! I'm not doing anything but drying you off."

They both laugh for a few seconds before they calmed down. They look into each other before Erin raised her hand up to his hair to stroke them. Her face is all serious now and so is his. They have been waiting for moments like this so much they can't even believe they are together right now.

"I love you Jay" Erin began to say, looking from his hair to his eyes. Her hand moved down to his chest. "I always have loved you" she whispered with her raspy voice "ever since the first day that I met you, I have felt everything for you."

His eyes sparkled. He painted a ray of sunshine all over his face. There was something about the way he smiled; the way butterflies seemed to escape from the pit of his stomach. This was the first time she was saying that she loved him.

Erin smiled to herself. She loved the warm afterglow she got when she sees him so happy. He got this cheesy smile, the ones where his dimples show…and she loves knowing that she is the reason behind it. He had the kind of smile that made her feel happy to be alive.

At that comment, he picked her up off the floor and carried her out of the bathroom…with her squealing and laughing in his arms.

They both laying were in Erin's bed. While Jay was sleeping like a baby on his belly, his hands under the pillow, Erin was looking at him, her elbow supporting her head. She was caressing his back with her fingers.

"Good morning" Jay said, his eyes still closed but with a smile across his face.

"Good morning to you too" Erin replied.

When Jay eyes slowly opened it was to a smile that belonged to a very beautiful woman. Jay loved Erin's morning look. Her curly brown hair, those eyes looking intensely at him that Jay couldn't get enough. In one quick movement, Jay pulled Erin on her back and put himself onto of her before kissing her.

"This is a good way to start a day…" Erin giggled. Jay smiled. He momentary stopped to look at the woman under him and placed a band of her behind her ear.

"You look good this morning!"

Erin bent closer to him to catch his lips and in one rotation, she was on top of him. "Let's go eat breakfast before work!" she said before pulling away from him and making her way to the kitchen. Jay quickly followed her.

Erin stayed at the district longer than Jay because of the amount of paperwork on her desk. She just wanted to get ride of it once and for all. When she came back to her apartment, Jay was already in bed, she leant herself against the doorframe of her bedroom, looking at his man in a deep sleep. The streetlights showed his smooth golden skin and those muscular arms of his.

Erin slowly lowers her arms down onto the bed and began to crawl upward so that she was position right on top of Jay. She lowered her lips to meet the back of Jay's neck and gave it a nice gentle kiss. Jay's left hand automatically moved to the kiss spot. Erin was trying hard to hold her giggles in. She bent her head again but this time she lingered for a bit after the kiss, slowly she made her way up Jay's smooth neck to his ear. Erin's lips were right next to Jay's ear "I'm home" she whispers. Jay's lips slowly curled into a smile, but his eyes were still close. Upon seeing his smile Erin knew he was awake and ready for her.

Jay craned his neck around to see Erin but his neck wouldn't turn that far. He twisted his body around so now he was lying on his back and Erin still hovering over him.

"Hey Gorgeous" said Jay with a sleepy smile on his face.

"Hey handsome" she replied.

They stayed in that position for a while just looking and smiling at each other. Looking at each other and being in that moment just felt right, as if the world stood still in celebration of their love and affection for one another. Erin couldn't stand it any longer; she lowered herself down to Jay's waiting lips. First, it was a sweet, gentle kiss and they both giggled, as if they were kissing for the very first time. Then came a deep passionate kiss between two lovers. They continued with their kissing and soon it become a full on made out session. Hard kisses, hands running down their bodies and into their hair. Erin was still on top, Jay's hands running up and down Erin's smooth, gentle back.

Still kissing, Jay stopped abruptly and just stared at Erin. He couldn't believe that she was his and only his. He knew how Erin felt about him, but for some reason, in that moment, he felt like the luckiest man in the whole world.

"What's wrong?" asked Erin.

"Nothing, I was just thinking" answered Jay.

"About what?" she asked.

"do you remember the first night we spent together, when we crossed Voight's limit" Jay asked.

Erin looked deep into his eyes while remembering the first time they had sex.

"Yeah… why?"

"this was the night I knew you were the one." He replied with a smile. "This wasn't just sex for me… it was much more"

"Well, I knew way longer than that that I loved you."

"Why didn't you ever say something?"

"I guess I was just scared of admitting it, of what it meant if I did." She replied sadly with her raspy voice Jay loved so much. "I mean this would have meant that we would be separated by Voight and one of us would be out of intelligence. And I didn't want that."

She paused. "so burying my love was a much better way than not being in each other's life." She stared at his beautiful ocean, fiery eyes.

With that they both smiled at each other. Jay gently kissed Erin's lips than slid over to her left cheek continuing the pattern of small, gentle kisses he moved from Erin's cheek to her smooth, soft neck and down to her collar bone.

That was Jay's favourite spot, Erin's collar bone. The small, gentle kisses slid from the left side of the collar bone to the right, back up Erin's neck, onto her right cheek and back onto those full lips of her. Jay couldn't take it anymore, he rolled Erin over. Now Erin was on the bottom and Jay on top. He began to slowly move down Erin's chest, making sure not to move too fast.

As he moved down to Erin's nice, flat stomach he stopped and looked up to see Erin's face. Erin's eyes were close and her head slightly tilted back.

Jay continued making his way down to Erin's stomach and blew raspberry kisses which caused Erin to laugh and giggle all at the same time.

"Stop that! You know how ticklish I get when you do that"

"Oh, I know" replied Jay with a devilish grin on his face before continuing whatever he started.

Erin's laugher subsided as the sound of pleasure took over once again.

Jay's mouth felt so hot, it was driving Erin crazy. She wanted to scream with pleasure.

He could hear Erin's breathing becoming faster and faster. Suddenly Erin's hands were stroking Jay's hair. Then she gripped them and pulled his head back up so she could kiss him.

The room was filled with their groaning orgasms, sweat, heat, sex and the sound of skin on skin. Erin wrapped her left arm around Jay's sweaty chest and pulled him closer.

The room was silent, but their breathing was still heavy. Erin was lying on Jay's chest, her hand running slowly up and down Jay's left arm. Jay bent his head and kissed Erin on the forehead. They never had to say much after love making, they just wanted to be in each other arms. After a while Erin's eyelids starts to feel heavy. It has been a long day for her after all. But it was all worth it because now she was home, home to Jay. With that thought her eyes finally closed and a smile spread across her face as she fell into a wonderful sleep. Jay looked up and saw that Erin had fallen asleep. He kissed Erin's hair and fell asleep himself.

END? SHOULD i START A NEW ONE? IF YOU HAVE IDEAS PLEASE TELL ME GUYS! REVIEW! HOPE YOU LIKED IT!