Massassi tree

Leia needed a break. Between countless meetings on the base's relocation and sorting the rebels on Yavin IV into taskforces, the young women hardly had time for herself to come to terms with recents events.

For one she had been tortured on the Death Star. However, this experience paled in comparison with the horror she faced afterwards. Leia shuddered as she recalled the exploding mass of debris that had been Alderaan once. Her family had been there, her friends and her people. Leia bit her lip to center herself in the present.

And it was her fault. She thought with barely repressed grief. She had brought that fate onto her planet. It had been her decision to remain strong and fight for a just cause.

She shook her head as she continued to follow a small trail that led through the dense exotic forest that surrounded the base. She needed a quiet place for herself and knew just the place.

The purple barked Massassi tree she had in mind stood at the edge of a small clearing. The clearing burst with bioluminescent orchids, which brightened the shadows bast by the majestic trees. It was her special place. In the last days she had often sat down on the warm rock under the Massassi tree and had pondered on her thoughts and feelings: Alderaan, the death of her parents, her duty, the mysterious pull to Han Solo, the relation to her newfound brother and father.

Leia had always been a private person and kept her feelings close to her heart. She was strong and had to stay strong but she needed her special place to lift the walls she had put around her heart.

Her surprise was great when she arrived at her special place and found it had already become occupied by Anakin Skywalker.

The Jedi Knight knelt between the orchids and was breathing. The rest of him was still, his eyes were closed.

Meditation, then. Leia concluded and went to the rock under the Massassi tree silently.

The last three days had been good to Anakin. While his skin was still pale his face had started to gain some color which lessened the contrast to the diminishing shadows under his eyes. His hair had regained a natural shine and his posture had straitened.

Only the hospital robe which he still wore failed to complete the picture of a proud Jedi Knight.

As Leia continued to observe her biological father she noticed with awe that the clearing responded to the meditating Jedi in its midst.

With each breath he took the flora around Anakin shifted slightly towards him and with each exhale the flowers and trees bent in the other direction. To Leia it felt like the whole clearing was part of Anakin and so was he.

This was the first time Leia began the grasp the concept of the Force. The galaxy was like a still body of water and the Force made it move. These movements pushed beings into certain directions towards a path they could slightly steer but they could not change its direction just like the pulses in this clearing pushed and pulled the plants into a certain direction.

Small beings were swept away by the ripples, some beings pushed along their own chosen path and some were the cause of these ripples. People like Anakin Skywalker or her brother.

As Leia contemplated this revelation Anakin surfaced from his meditation and the clearing became still before the natural winds pushed the trees into one direction again.

Leia was a little startled and embarrassed when she felt the deep blue eyes of Anakin regarding her. "I am sorry." She said after finding her voice. "I don't want to disturb you."

Anakin just smiled. "Don't worry. You were hardly disturbing me. In fact your presence is quite soothing although you seem a bit stressed?"

Leia sighed. "There is just so much to consider with the relocation. I want to find the solution where everyone benefits the most from."

Anakin regarded her knowingly. "It's never easy to find the perfect solution. When I was a general on a Jedi cruiser during the Clone Wars, I had to make decisions which would lead to the deaths of my subordinates. The only thing you can do is minimizing the damage."

Leia was silent for a while. "What did you do when the casualties were too high? When the price for victory was just too high?"

Anakin sighed and closed his eyes. Then he stood up and went over to Leia. He sat down next to her rock on the ground. He leaned against the purple bark and had a far away look in his eyes as he stared at the glowing orchids.

"I wish I knew the answer to that." Anakin sighed and added in a bitter voice. "Keep fighting, I guess. Don't let their death be in vain. But that doesn't make it easier. Death is final. Even if you pour your whole being into it there is nothing you can to to keep your loved ones from dying."

"My dad used to tell me that it is our duty to keep them in our hearts so that they can continue fighting alongside us."

Anakin smiled and looked up to the sky. "I like that. The Jedi say there is no death but the Force. I never used to think that way but believing that they surround us and guide us... makes you feel less alone, right? Although it is quite creepy."

Leia laughed a bit at the joke. Then father and daughter were silent again each lost in their thoughts.

After a while Anakin broke the silence. "Leia, would you tell me about your childhood? I know, it's probably none of my business, but still... I am so sorry that I and... that we were not there for you and Luke. I already failed as a father. I couldn't protect... I just... I just want to know if you were at least... happy."

Leia did not respond.

"If you don't want then that's okay, I shouldn't have..."

"No, it's okay." She interrupted. "It's just fresh. Their death... wasn't easy for me. And first things first, you are not a failure as a father. Luke is shining like a star since you have been awake."

Anakin nodded but kept silent.

"It's more difficult for me I don't want to replace my dad and I know that's not fair to you since you have no intention of doing that. Still, they have just died and I can't help feeling that way."

"Take your time." Anakin said. "Luke is very much like your mother in that regard. Always happy to welcome someone new into his personal circle. I am afraid that private nature came from me. Sorry."

Leia chuckled. "That's nothing to be sorry about. I think it's part of my charm. To answer your initial question, I had a great childhood. Mum and dad spoiled me rotten."

"Like a princess?" Anakin joked.

Leia giggled. "Hey, just to be fair. As Princess Leia Organa of Alderaan it kind of comes with the job description."

She was enjoying talking with Anakin. The slight banter came very easy and Leia was already prepared to counter Anakin's snip, when she noticed that he had become deathly pale. His hands griped his knees painfully while his eyes were lost in memories.

Leia grew concerned. "Anakin? Are you alright?"

She got up from her rock and knelt in front of the shaking man. She shook his shoulders. "Anakin, please. You are scaring me."

This seemed to pull him from his thoughts as his eyes latched on her brown eyes.

"I am sorry." He croaked. "It was my fault."

Leia was confused. "What? I don't understand."

"Alderaan." He began sobbing. "I killed them all. The fire... the heat... the screams. It was everywhere, Death was everywhere, I was everywhere."

Leia needed some time to sort out the ramblings of the clearly grief-stricken man. Then she understood where he was coming from. The reports had stated that Anakin had been an integral part of the weapon system of the Death Star. But guilt on this level? Anakin behaved as if he had killed her people personally and not as an unwilling part of the weapon.

"Anakin, please, calm down. You are not at fault, you did not push that button. You were helpless to stop them, but that does not make you guilty of killing them. Do you understand?"

"I might as well have pushed that button." Anakin whispered. "It makes no difference. My whole being was that beam, I was death. I felt them."

Leia crinkled her brow. "I don't understand. You felt them? Please, explain this to me."

Anakin took a deep breath. "That weapon... they needed an immense amount of power. So much, that the relays would not be able to set free in such a sort timeframe. I..."

Anakin griped his left arm so much that he began to o shake. "Midiclorians are what gives Jedi access to the Force and the Imperial researchers found out that Midiclorians could amplify energy in a manner that the Death Star would be able to destroy planets."

Anakin took a deep breath and chuckled bitterly. "Now guess, who is the man with the highest Midiclorian ever measured? Right, that's Anakin Skywalker."

Leia was horrified as she drew the connection. When Anakin was meditating it seemed as he was part of the clearing. Did that mean he had been connected to every living being on Alderaan as they were eradicated.

Leia felt tears on her cheek as she looked at the defeated man. "You felt it?"

Anakin just nodded and buried his face in his hands.

Leia took a shuddering breath and asked the question that had been lingering in her mind since Alderaan's destruction. Still she hesitated. She did not want to cause Anakin more grief. But he was already remembering and she needed to know.

"Was it quick?" She asked quietly.

First Anakin's gaze was uncertain but then it cleared and became focused. "It... Nobody suffered... There was only half a minute to register what was about to happen and noone had quite understood what was about to happen..."

Leia grasped his hand to encourage him. "Quite a lot were with family as it was early evening. Bail and Breha stood together in each others arms as they saw that beam. Then... It was just a fragment of a second there was unbearable heat and then nothing. I... Podoo... Leia, I am sorry. I just..."

Gently, she cupped his face and she stared into his eyes to convey her sincere gratitude.

"This means a lot to me. No suffering and they were not alone. I could not have hoped for more." Leia stated gently and after some consideration she added. "Thank you, father, for being with my family and people in their darkest moment."

"But... I don't deserve..." Anakin took deep breaths to calm himself.

"There was nothing, nothing you could have done. This is not your fault. You did not kill anyone on Alderaan that day."

The fierce expression in Leia's eyes were such a strong echo of Padmé's expression that Anakin could not help but consider what his daughter had just said. Her words washed his self doubt and fears away. His daughter had even thanked him for being there. He took a deep breath and began to see his involvement from an outside perspective. His daughter was right, he should not feel guilty. He should carry their hopes and dreams with him and fight for a free galaxy.

"There will not be another tragedy like Alderaan's again." Anakin promised. "We will stop the Empire. I will fight with everything I can give so that everyone is free to follow their dreams."

Leia smiled brightly at his announcement, stood strong like the Massassi Tree next to her and offered Anakin her hand. "Together as family."

"I like the sound of that." Anakin took her hand and stood straight and grounded.