It's funny, I'm a huge fan of this show but have just now decided on making something out of it. Suppose I was in the writing mood and plot bunnies attacked me. Anyways this takes place after episode 14 of season 6.
Not So Lonely World
Rosita sat in the steps of her porch of her now empty house, staring aimlessly at the ground. She had no idea how long she'd been sitting there but it was now midnight. Hardly anyone was out besides the night patrol and she was thankful that she wasn't on shift. She was even more grateful for having beer in the house. It was pretty cheap and not as strong as she had hoped for but, it'll do.
The day's events had left her completely drained. She didn't even bother going to dinner with Spencer. She'd long since lost her appetite. Not that she was looking forward to it anyway... especially now.
"And I wanted you here because you're alone. Probably for the first time in your life."
When Denise had said that she'd been rendered speechless. They hurt then and they still hurt now. Those words held so much truth.
She'd never truly trusted someone so easily. Joining with Abraham and Eugene and their group had been about survival and because of the covienency that their alliance brought. Eventually she'd begun to see them as friends and she treasured them. Eugene's lie had shocked her to the core. There was never any mission and it turned out he'd only been using them for his own survival.
Oh how cruelly ironic this world could be.
Afterwards she'd met with Rick and his group again and decided on staying with them. There was no other place for her to go. She had come to respect Rick and admired his devotion to his group. He was in many ways like Abraham.
Abraham.
That was another mistake: falling in love with Abraham. God, what a mistake that was.
Of course she'd never stand by and let him die. It's just different now. They weren't lovers; weren't in love, at least, he wasn't; and it didn't quite feel right to call him a friend now. In fact, she wasn't entirely sure what they were anymore. Guess they were just survivors now? Residents of Alexandria even?
"When I first met you I thought you were the last woman left on earth. You're not."
His speech was harsh, like a knife twisting inside her. It infuriated her how she was mauling over a break up meanwhile people like Tara would never see the person they love anymore.
Compared to those type of people her problems were miniscule. Truth was she was still reeling from the impact of Abraham leaving her. She hated it, truly hated it. Weakness in this world would lead you straight to a walker's mouth.
And yet...
A part of her couldn't help but envy Maggie and Glenn for being able to maintain their relationship. They were completely in love and as cliché as it sounded, nothing seemed to come between their love. Then there was Rick and Michonne. They were also in love.
After joining his group she was able to deduce that they loved each other. It wasn't a cheesy display of affection like school kids. No. It was subtle. And if it wasn't for her keen sense of awareness she would've probably never noticed. It was the way they looked at each other; for reassurance; for support; for stability. Speaking was never necessary with them. One look and they already knew what the other was thinking.
Which is why it didn't shock her when she'd heard about how they'd been caught in bed together. It was bound to happen.
Was it wrong to want something like that? To want someone to look at her the way Rick looked at Michonne? To want someone to love her the way Glenn loved Maggie?
Her eyes narrowed, refusing to allow any tears to drop. When had she become this pathetic? She didn't want that. It was all just dependency, her mind argued. It could all be taken away just like that.
"Can't sleep?"
The familiar voice broke her thoughts. She recognized the rough voice immediately. There was no need to look up to see who it was. So she opted on simply shaking her head.
"Me neither." Daryl said before taking a seat beside her.
They sat in silence. A silence she now wanted to break more than anything. He was there. He'd seen what she'd seen and he'd heard what she'd heard. For God's sake he was the one who'd buried the body! The silence continued until it became unbearable.
"I still hear it."
He didn't turn but she could feel him looking at her from the corner of his eyes.
"Every time I close my eyes all I can hear are Tara's cries," Rosita began, wrapping her arms around her as the air suddenly became colder. The heart wrenching memory of Tara finding out that Denise had died was beginning to resurface. "And all I can see is that fucking arrow piercing into..."
He flinched beside her, the memory still fresh. It hadn't even been 24 hours yet.
Rosita leaned her arms onto her knees and buried her face into her hands. Guilt bubbling inside her uncontrollably. She cried out in frustration. "It's just so wrong. This whole world is so fucking wrong!"
"And you're stronger than you think you are which gives me hope, that maybe I can be too."
"What's the point in saying things like that? Why bother planning things you could do or become?"
Daryl didn't have to read her mind to know what she was referring to. From the way her body trembled he could tell she was fighting back tears.
She clenched her fists. "Why bother being with someone? We could all drop dead in the morning for all we know!"
It was then that he spoke. "I'm not really good with this kind of shit, never was. But if there's something that I learned from being with Rick and the others it's that in the end, at the very end, we're only humans. It's only natural for humans to have shit like hope and belief in a future. That sorta thing, y'know?"
Rosita lifted her head, turning to his direction.
"It's what separates us from those things. And Denise," Briefly he paused, the name bringing a bitter taste. "Had hope. Hope in us. Hope in a future. Even after seeing the shithole that's outside these walls she believed in that. Hell, she practically told us to get our shit together. I plan on doing that. It's the least I could do. You should too."
Another silence ensued. It wasn't unbearable and it wasn't a comfortable silence either. It was just simple silence.
He unscrewed the top from his bottle and took a gulp of his alcohol before holding it up for her. "Yours looks empty."
Under the moonlight she was able to catch a glimpse of his bruised hands, as if he'd been gripping the shovel harder than necessary. He too, was hurting. He too, was torn with guilt. This time she didn't know what to say to break the silence. All she could do was take the bottle and gulp down its contents, relieved to discover that it was much stronger than her cheap beer.
He shifted a bit, still not facing her. "You're... lonesome aren't ya?"
Rosita didn't bother lying. She laughed bitterly. "Pretty pathetic isn't it?"
Daryl ran a hand through his messy hair. "Actually, I get it. My parents were shit, brother was never around either. Dumbass always landed in juvi so it was basically just me most of the time... alone." Finally he turned to her, but she looked away, almost afraid of what he might see if their eyes met. "That pain is something else ain't it?"
Rosita scoffed, refusing to look in his direction. Because now she was sure, she was sure that he'd see her vulnerability. "Are you going to tell me to grow up? Tell me that it's just how shit is?"
It's what Abraham had told her.
"Fucking hell you're complicated," Daryl grumbled before snatching the bottle from her. "You're missing the point. I'm saying that even after all that I'm still here, you're still here. We're not alone anymore. Ain't no sin to cry or want some sort of bloody comfort from time to time. We're fucking humans! So stop tucking into yourself like some damn turtle!"
Hesitantly she met his gaze, afraid to show someone else this side of her. One look at his eyes and she could see the hardships he had endured even before the world went to hell. Most importantly, she could see the sincerity. It floored her at how easily she was able to read him.
Then it hit her. She felt like she had just been slapped. Apparently clarity had decided to run her over with a truck and back up on her for good measure.
Because it was clear now.
He was letting her see him.
"Wow..." Was all she could say, mentally kicking herself for being so lame and tongue tied.
Regaining some of his usual rough exterior he took another swig of his drink. "Don't get all touchy feeling with me. I was just tired of seeing you all moody."
The corner of her lips lifted. "Thanks for that Daryl."
He tore his gaze away from her smile -almost as if the glow around it would dent his tough guy status- and grunted in response. "Just don't get used to it girly. We ain't gonna pass notes or have slumber parties now."
She found herself laughing, genuinely laughing. When in the world was the last time that had occurred? Playfully she shoved him before stealing his bottle and downing what was left of it. "I wouldn't dare harm your image!"
"Aww hell, ya finished it?" He asked as he examined the now empty bottle. "Oh well."
"I've got some cheap beer in the kitchen. It isn't necessarily quality but it's quantity."
Daryl shrugged. "I ain't complaining."
It only took a few moments for her to pull out the six pack of beer. It was something she'd picked up a while ago when she'd done a supply run. She sat back down on the porch, this time sitting closer to him, before placing the pack between them.
Pulling out the beer he nodded at her. "Bottoms up."
Rosita bit her bottom lip and she was sure he could see she was a bit flustered. "Hey, um, look I just wanted to thank you again. Really, I appreciate it."
Daryl didn't respond. He reached out and awkwardly patted her arm.
Rosita only chuckled a bit more. He did say he wasn't good with this. Pretty soon she opened her beer. The silence that washed over them now was entirely different. It was relaxing.
Perhaps in another lifetime they could have been some really good drinking buddies. Perhaps her and Denise could've been friends, really good friends. But for now, this was fine. She would remember Denise for never losing hope, for being the first to notice how lonely she was. And she'd be grateful to Daryl for reminding her that she wasn't alone, for allowing her to see him, to truly see him.
And it was enough.
Author's Notes
This episode hit me right in the feels man, pretty common with this show. But I really liked the interaction between Daryl, Rosita, and Denise. Sadly it didn't last. In general though I always enjoy good character development and bonding episodes. So I enjoyed the scenes with these three.