The restless tapping of Ayano's feet under the table feels like the only thing keeping her from exploding with energy, and the wringing of her jittering hands the one way to keep herself from hand-feeding Father post-haste. Even sick, and completely devoid of appetite, she's finished her plate before the man made it through half of his own. She never used to notice, but his eating pace is insufferably slow, and somehow it's worse whenever she's counting on him to finish quickly.
Once, she hadn't minded waiting to wash the dishes. It wasn't like something so much more interesting awaited her in her room, or on the TV, or outside, or anywhere else.
Of course, that was before she'd met someone worth rushing for.
Wolfing her dinner down in a few minutes rather than dozens is but one small change among many. Doing homework. Taking a bath. Helping Mother with chores. All of this, she realized after meeting Taylor, she'd been doing with a terrible inefficiency that would steal time that she could otherwise spend on all things Senpai. Some days it would be mere minutes, hours on others. Days, all added up. She's still not so effortlessly efficient as Mother, but to her understanding it's a matter of practice.
Now if only Father would follow their example instead of stubbornly keeping his gaze turned down onto his plate, where he can't see his daughter's irate eyes boring into him. Neither can he see Mother's, who has also already finished and is now watching him, her head propped on her open palm.
"Ayano." Her attention snaps to Mother, who for her part has kept her eyes trained on Father. "I'll do the dishes today. You get back to bed now."
The girl nods, then, realising the woman wouldn't have seen it, amends herself with a simple thank you, before scampering off from the table. She casts one last glance at her parents at the door, then retreats to her room after making sure they're busy with each other. It's rare that they need her for anything after dinner, but she would hate to be interrupted if it weren't the case.
The doors shut close behind her and Ayano doesn't shed even her sweatshirt before submerging herself under the three blankets, only her nose sticking out. As long as she's stuck at home, she may as well devote herself to getting better so that Mother lets her out quicker.
Missing entire days with her Love feels miserable. All the more so because it was easily preventable. She hadn't known that damp hair could have such severe consequences. She'd never been to a pool before, nor had she ever any reason to go out into the cold right after bathing. A few more minutes with the hair dryer and Mother wouldn't be keeping her home for days on end. It's frustrating.
She allows herself a few minutes of rest, until she feels warm enough that her teeth stop chattering for when she finally calls Senpai.
Among the many habits Ayano has developed in the past three months, talking with Taylor in the evenings stands out as simultaneously infuriating and amazing, for many different reasons. On the one hand, that she can't simply spend the night by her Love's side is a terribly unfair situation. In a way, she prefers to simply watch Her from afar, as hearing Taylor's voice without being close enough to touch is an exercise in frustration. On the other hand, what sweet torture it is - to hear Her, to be far away, and yet so close as to speak.
Ayano burrows her head deeper into the pillow Taylor had rested on when the girl last visited. It's a poor simile for the crook of Her neck - what lingering scent there was having long evaporated - but still comforting in a way she doesn't care to understand. Senpai makes everything better. It is what it is. She needn't know the reason behind it to appreciate it.
She closes her eyes, losing herself in the fantasy of having her Love here, with her, to care for and mend her, rather than halfway across the city. She would keep by her side and stroke her hair, and she would fall asleep like that safe in the knowledge Taylor will be there when she wakes up. The thought at once calms her, and sends her heart racing; makes her ease into sleep, and then wakeful again. How she longs for the day these will no longer be just fantasies.
One day.
For now, she has Taylor's time, if not her company, whenever she needs it.
It's not much, not anywhere near what Ayano wants, but it brings a warmth to her once-stale heart all the same that her Love will hog the line whenever she calls her. It became a habit of theirs to speak in the evenings almost as soon as they exchanged their numbers, and Ayano already can't wait for the time when they'll be able to add texting to this.
She can imagine it easily. Taylor laying on her bed, phone in hand instead of a book like it usually is, and swapping messages with her, unaware of Ayano's gaze. Unfortunately, that too remains a fantasy as her wife-to-be is only in possession of a stationary device, which remains cruelly placed away from any windows for Ayano to peek through. A less-than-ideal situation, but one Ayano is prepared to remedy come Christmas. It will be the ideal time to present Taylor with a way to contact her anywhere at any time, without also being socially inappropriate. For some reason, it's viewed as weird to gift things one needs without an occasion or participation in a committed relationship - which, regrettably, they do not yet have.
It may seem an underwhelming thing when compared to hearing Her voice, but that every couple she knows does this, and that they can't, has long stirred an unpleasant, hot feeling in Ayano's chest whenever she'd hear another girl explain the circles under her eyes with having texted with her boyfriend too late into the night. A feeling which, after much research, she eventually pinpointed as jealousy. To lose track of time like that, to have Taylor lose herself like that - small though it may be, she wants it too.
Once she discovered what that feeling was, Ayano realised she finds herself jealous of a great many things. Her circle of acquaintances rarely hesitates to relay vivid descriptions of their romantic escapades when asked. Or when not. They do like to talk. Not that they were any less forthcoming before she found Senpai, but it used to be Ayano simply held no genuine interest in any of the topics discussed. She still engaged in them, of course. Mother and Father were adamant she make friends, so whenever invited somewhere, Ayano would go. Why wouldn't she have? It didn't bother her and, she'd reasoned, perhaps she'd find something - or someone, as Mother had put it - that would make it worthwhile.
Though it may not have happened that way, her parents were right in that it is useful to have friends. Learning how to act in accordance with needs of the situation, more useful still. Then again, if she hadn't wasted her time letting herself be dragged around, and instead spent more time at the library, perhaps she'd have met Senpai sooner. Not that she could have known that, or even known what she'd wanted. What she'd needed. Not at all like now.
The girl reaches over for her phone on the nightstand, knocking the tissue box to the ground (she'll pick it up later), and flips it to be greeted by Taylor's surprised face. A smile witlessly tugs at Ayano's lips. She took this one just few days ago on the Boston pier. She has other, better photos, made with a proper camera, taken with a more steady hand - but to use those as her wallpaper would mean her phone being filled up with just a few of them. That, and it's easier to sneak up on her Love for a picture with a phone than a camera. She keeps the latter on her laptop, the resolutions don't scale well, regardless.
The motions to make the call is muscle memory by now. She could call her Love with her eyes closed, and has, to make sure of just that. Two down, centre, and (having listed the contact as AATaylor) call.
She lays the phone by her ear and turns on her side, her cold hands retreating under the covers.
One. Two. Three. Four. Fi-
"Daniel Hebert speaking."
It used to be she found the voice of Senpai's father answering her calls annoying. It happens often enough she's managed to get used to it, or at least, it doesn't bother her as much. Even so, she's going to relish the moment it no longer happens.
"Good evening, Mister Hebert." She summons up the cheer she doesn't feel into her voice. It's good sense to be well liked by her Love's caretaker.
"Ah, good evening Ayano." He returns the greeting, all traces of his business-like tone evaporating from his voice. All the girl can think is go away. "I'll wager I should get Taylor?" A bit of her irritation dissipates. A bit.
"If it's not a bother," she replies sweetly, immediately annoyed at her choice of words. What if it were a bother? Would she then have to give up on Senpai for the evening?
"Of course not. Just a moment." It's a good thing she is in the man's good graces. As Senpai's legal guardian he could make it difficult for Ayano to meet or even talk with her Love, especially seeing as Taylor doesn't yet have a phone of her own.
She lightly shakes her head. These are all issues to fix on a later date. After all, she's about to talk with Taylor!
No matter how ready she thinks she is, her heart still jumps when Her voice, however mangled by the signal, sounds in the speaker.
"Hey Ayano! How are you feeling?" Ayano smiles, a pleasant kind of warmth fighting her body to spread through her veins.
"Much better. I'll be coming back to school by Friday."
"Didn't you have the shivers just yesterday?" As if reminded by Senpai's words, Ayano's whole body trembles from the cold.
"That was yesterday," she reassures her Love. Spending time with Taylor will be the best medicine, she's sure. Mother always said love heals all wounds. If only she let her practice this wisdom and let her out of the house.
"That's great to hear. It's weird without you here." Ayano's spirit soars at the words, only to be brought back to earth by a fit of coughing the very next moment. "Are you sure, though? That sounded nasty."
Ayano feels inclined to agree. Anything that has Taylor worried qualifies as nasty in her books.
"It's fine. I just need to get out. It feels like I'm suffocating in here."
"I get that. Funny thing, I used to like staying home most of the time."
"Used to?" Ayano inquires, always eager to learn about her Love's likes and dislikes. Past or present, it doesn't matter. She wants to know it all.
"Yhm. It wasn't exactly- uh, nice, to go out anywhere by myself."
"I'm glad that's no longer the case, then. It's fun going out with you."
"Y-yeah, uh, you too!" Ayano winces away from the phone at the pitched words. Shameful, she knows, that her ears would feel pain from her Love's beautiful voice. Must be the fever. "Fun. I mean, it's fun to hang out."
"So, what have you been up to today?"
"Nothing special. Just went to the library after school to do my part of a group project, since I don't really have anything planned, what with... Anyway, I figured I can get it out of the way so I don't have to do it when you come back. And you?"
Ayano throws off the top of her blankets, the room entirely too hot for comfort.
"My mom made me lie in bed all day. I've been watching the movies you told me to." It was nothing at all like watching them with Senpai to provide company and commentary, and entirely too reminiscent of the way things used to be. Oh, well. It's good to know the things her Love likes, so at least it wasn't a complete waste of time.
"You liked them?"
"Yeah. I like your taste." An idea surfaces in the girl's mind, one she's been mulling over for some time now. "We should absolutely do a movie night."
"You mean, like a sleepover?"
"Exactly like a sleepover." She draws the covers up to her neck, not caring for the shivers.
"O-oh! I-I mean, sure! Sure. Yeah, uh- your place or mine? Actually, you haven't been to my house yet, have you?" Ayano kicks the covers off her legs, feeling like the blood in her feet is about to boil. "So how about my house, then?"
Huh. That was easy.
"I'd love to," Ayano agrees, feeling like doing a summersault. She won't. She feels dizzy from just standing up too quickly nowadays. Still, she does feel more energetic than since the morning after they came back from Boston.
"Alright then, do you have a specific… wait, no." Ayano's heart drops. "I need to ask my dad. Dad! Can me and Ayano have a movie night at out home?! I said can we do a movie night here?!" For a few, heart-stopping moment, all Ayano can hear is her own blood. She grabs the phone, then sits up with her covers draped around her, feeling queasy. "He says we can. So, do you have a specific day in mind?" It abates, if only by a little bit.
"What about Saturday? I should be up and about by then."
"Um, Saturday night?"
"Yes." She'd suggest Friday, but as it happens, she needs to talk with a few other students upon her return to school, and isn't sure she will have the time. A lot of things can happen in just a few days, and idle gossip that her classmates have regaled her with alongside the homework isn't what she's after.
"I'm sorry, can we move it to Friday?"
Ayano blinks, momentarily thrown off track. Taylor has never made an issue of the date, before. Likewise, never has Ayano. She'd prefer to have their sleepover on Saturday, but if Taylor wishes it on Friday, well, the school going-ons will have to wait. "Alright. Why not Saturday, though?"
"Oh, I've been meaning to tell you, actually. I'm meeting a friend on Sunday morning."
For a split second, Ayano's mind draws a blank. Noise, not unlike static, fills the girl's ears as the words struggle to be processed.
"A friend?"
"Well, I hope. I've been talking with this guy-" a guy? "-over the internet for some time, and since we both live in Brockton, we figured we could meet in person. He just suggested it today - well, yesterday actually, but I read it today - I've been meaning to tell you."
A friend? A boy friend?
She digs her way out of the blankets, suddenly short on breath and smothered, before jumping to her feet, the elevation shift blinding her for a second.
"Ayano?"
Her heart in disarray, the girl starts pacing the small length of her room, questions swirling in her feverish mind. Why? Isn't she enough? How long has this been going on right under her nose? How is it that she never noticed? Why hasn't Taylor ever told her? Was she hiding it? What gives her the right? What gives Him the right? She and Taylor are meant for each other and that's forever.
"Ayano, are you there?"
She needs-
"Yes. Sorry, Mother wanted something." More. She needs to learn more. Who is this boy. When have they met. Why is Taylor talking with him. "How long have you known him?"
"Um, I don't know if… know is the right word here, that's why we're meeting in person, but we've been writing on PHO for a few weeks now." And Ayano never even knew. A mistake on her part. She should've put more effort into acquiring Taylor's passwords.
"And you want to meet him?" Unbidden, Ayano's nails rake across her scalp, the pain grounding her just enough to keep the noise in her ears bearable. How does she fix this? "Someone you just met on the internet?"
"You sound like my dad." Ayano isn't sure how to interpret that. She'd read that women look for their father's traits in romantic partners, but the way Taylor said it, she doubts it's a good thing. "Look. I know, alright? We're meeting in public, and Dad's driving me there so he'll see his face. If he's not who he says he is, we'll just leave."
It's good that Taylor is being careful, yes, but that's beside the point. Senpai shouldn't be meeting him at all. Why is she going out of her way to meet someone else? It doesn't make sense. Doesn't Senpai like her? Doesn't she want to spend more time with her? Why would she meet with some boy when they could be spending that time together? She would go anywhere, do anything if only Taylor asked. Doesn't her Love realise that? She can be her everything. She wants to be her everything, as Senpai is to her.
"What if he doesn't let you leave? What if he shows up with his buddies and hurts you, and your father? Or worse. It happens all the time, gangs pressing pretty girls into-" she cuts herself off, the image of Senpai like that too appalling to let it be formed in her mind. "How do you think that happens? That they just grab them at random off the streets?"
"Nothing's going to happen. We're going to Broadwalk. It's safer there than most places we go together. Even villains don't start trouble there." Senpai sounds- Ayano doesn't know what she sounds like. She can't recall hearing her speak like that, before. Not to her. To- to someone else, yes, but-
"And what about after?"
"What about after?"
She freezes, struggling to contain her breath and trembling hands.
"Of course he wouldn't do anything then, but what about later. When you're coming back home, when you least expect it?"
"That's- a pretty paranoid outlook on life. I mean, yes, people can be terrible, believe me I'd know, but that's…" Her voice drops a few degrees. "When we first met, what if I assumed you were just another plot to tear me down. It happened before, you know? Someone pretending to be friends with me just so they could stab me in the back." Ayano bites on her lip to keep herself from letting out the frustrated scream trapped in her throat.
"That's different."
"Different how?"
I love you.
"I-" No. She won't confess to Senpai over a phone. She's dreamt of the moment since they first met, and She deserves better than for her to blurt it out like this. More importantly, the day it happens will not be overshadowed by some homewrecker. "-think there's a difference between what those three could do to you and a man you've never even seen could."
"I might've thought so too before Madison went- well."
Her free hand tears on her other arm, leaving angry marks across its length.
"Clements was a bitch, and so were the rest of them. They reaped what they sowed."
"That's- nevermind. Look, Ayano, I get what you're saying but don't want to live scared of my own shadow. I've done that enough. Yeah, maybe it's not 100% safe, but I could say the same for a lot of things we do every day. You never actually know if something won't happen to you when you go out. Like a- car crash, or a cape fight, or a hundred other things. So you just ignore it because you'd go mad otherwise. I just - I want to try and make another friend. Is that so wrong?"
Yes!
"All I'm saying is I don't trust him. I want you to be safe. Is that so wrong?"
A short silence, punctured by a sigh on Senpai's end, follows her question.
"Alright then." Ayano's hand stops. "What would you like me to do to ease your mind?" Almost. Taylor's considering it. Almost.
"You could call it off. Give it more time, get a better feeling of who he is, and let me talk to him first, too." Give her time to nip this thorn in the bud before it has time to latch itself onto Senpai.
"Um-"
"If he really has good intentions, then he wouldn't mind, would he?" She pushes onward. "And if he doesn't, all the better." A best case scenario, really.
"I guess? I think I have a better idea, though. How about you come with us?" It… could work. It's not ideal, but in addition to making sure he won't lay hands on Taylor, it would be an easy way to learn all she needs about him. She'd still rather Taylor to not go at all, but she's not sure how much further she can push. It'll have to do.
"Fine," Ayano concedes.
"Okay, whew." Taylor lets out a relieved breath. "I'll let him know. We'll talk details later, okay? See what he says, first."
"Okay."
"Alright then. Get better soon. Bye."
"Bye, Taylor." She doesn't cut the call. She never does.
The silence that follows when Senpai hangs up is almost loud enough to drown out the buzzing in Ayano's ears.
Ayano drops the phone on her bed before sinking down to the floor, hands around her knees to keep her shivering body from unraveling, as she's sure it's about to. She bites on the skin of her elbows to keep herself from piercing straight through her lips. She can't hide her lips. Can't have Taylor wonder what happened to her. She can't-
Her stomach lurches, and in an uncoordinated movement that almost sends her to the floor, Ayano launches herself from her room straight to the bathroom.
"Ayano?" Mother softly asks at the door a minute later, with her daughter still gasping for breath over the toilet. "Sweetheart, what's wrong?"
She turns to Mother to assure her, as always, that everything is fine. But nary a sound comes out, her throat still cloyed with bile and her mind light and scratchy like wool. She hates this. She needs to think, needs to act, needs to set things right. Yet here she is, hunched over the stool and unable to squeeze a word out when Senpai needs her most.
The mere thought is enough to once again fill the bathroom with sounds of retching.
She doesn't feel it at first, but when she notices the hand slowly rubbing circles on her back, it could well be hot iron one moment, ice the next. Ayano flinches away, her wild eyes snapping up to find Mother standing over her.
"What's wrong?" the woman repeats.
What isn't? Just a few minutes ago she thought everything was going along swimmingly. She thought that, aside from wrapping things up with Hess, she and Senpai were all but set for a deserved happily-ever-after. How careless of her. Of course there would be people trying to steal her Love from her. It was bound to happen. Senpai is perfect. Sooner or later, someone was sure to try and take what's rightfully hers.
Someone like him. He thinks he can just show up after she's done the heavy lifting, after she righted what was wrong in Taylor's life, and snatch Her from Ayano's grasp? This- this leech, this parasite, thinks he deserves Taylor's company over herself after doing- what? Nothing! He's done nothing to deserve it. Senpai is hers to have and no-one else's. What's worse, she missed it. For weeks he's been poisoning Senpai's mind and she never even knew. She allowed herself to be clueless when she could've put a stop to it before he put the thought in Taylor's head to choose to spend her time with him over her.
Ah. That's why. It's not fine. She's not fine.
"S-senpai-" She swallows. "Senpai wants to meet with a boy she met on the internet. What if something happens to her?" What if he steals her away?
"Oh darling, come here." She doesn't. It's Mother who kneels beside her and envelops Ayano in a hug. It's nothing like Senpai's. Nothing at all. Ayano still allows it, if only because she can't see the point of breaking out. The gesture, she knows, is meant to be comforting. As ever, she finds no comfort in that knowledge.
"Isn't- isn't that good, though?" They both turn to see Father standing in the doorway, both with their brows creased. "I mean- if it works out. After everything that's happened to the poor girl, it'd be good if she made more friends, no?" Good how? Senpai doesn't need more friends. She's got her.
"Hizashi, Darling," Mother says with a smile. As for Father, an expression reminding Ayano of Clements crosses his features. "Please finish up the dishes." She turns back to Ayano.
"I'll take care of things here."