A/N: Ladies and gentlemen. To those of you expecting a new chapter from Naruto no Zaihō, I apologize. Due to changes made due to Naruto canon, and my new thought processes, I've decided to remix Naruto no Zaihō. But don't worry, I will make sure to include all the good things we know and love about the jerkass King of Heroes himself…without making Naruto take on his asshole level. And, I've decided that he will eventually gain access to Ea, but not off the bat. Not when Enkidu is powerful enough for him and for now.

With that said, do read and review, would you kindly?

…

[Konohagakure no Sato, shortly after the Kyūbi Attack]

It was a very dreary night, as a man in a spiral mask with a single eye stood over the corpses of a man and a woman lying face down, ignoring the sounds of a baby's cry. The blond man wore a white coat over his flak jacket, a sign that he was the Hokage. The way his body was built made it clear that he earned his rank…and the uniform he wore under his coat showed that he was ready for whatever came his way. A shame you didn't see me coming. You wasted your sacrifice on this worthless child, and on fools that sold you out tonight.

The woman was a red-haired beauty in a white maternity gown; the fact that she did not have baby-swollen flesh holding her body up was a clear sign that she had just given birth. In her hand, she clutched strange-looking weapon made of gold. It had the appearance of a short sword with complicated-looking and blocky basket-hilt, and its dull, rectangular blade had holes cut into it that gave the impression of some kind of key. Why, and how she had this weapon in her hand was a mystery. Eh, nothing of importance. Though I wonder; why she would go for a clearly ceremonial weapon if she knew she was probably going to die?

The couple both had a hole in their torsos from where the dreaded Kyūbi no Yoko had impaled them. One could feel no limit to the hatred exuded by the man, as he practically glared at their corpses…the crying seemed to only make things even worse. The village should have been eradicated, were it not for the man's skillful jutsu mastery.

"No harm, no foul." he whispered to himself. And it was true; they were too far away for any effective rescue to be mounted. All that was left was to kill this little brat here and now so that the fox could finish the job it had started. The village deserved to be destroyed…along with the whole world.

He then looked down upon the baby boy, still weeping over the death of his parents. At the very least, he would do a good deed for once—there's no need for a young child to have to suffer through what he's about to do. "Sorry about this, Naruto-kun, but you really need to die." said the masked man, drawing a kunai as he picked up the bundle, "The village has done too many vile things to allow it to exist any longer. If you want to blame anyone, blame your parents for thinking they could see the good in people, and in trusting the wrong people…but don't worry; I'll see to it that your death will be quick."

{Play: "Wings of Despair" by Junichi Nakatsuru, from "Soul Calibur III"}

With his hand raised and poised to drive the blade of the kunai into young Naruto, the masked man allowed his hand to drop; fully intent on releasing the Kyūbi no Yoko to allow it to finish the job. Before he could even move, something began to dart around across the man's vision, causing him to drop Naruto's body in surprise and hop back. Upon landing, a closer inspection had told him that the babe was resting in a net of chains that extended in and out of ripples emanating from a golden-white light to form a protective barrier of solid metal chain links.

As he pondered on what this meant, the masked man had heard laughter. "How can he blame his parents, when a stupid mongrel like you has killed them?"

The masked man turned his attention to the source of the voice, he found that the speaker was a blond man that walked towards him, his red eyes seeming to glow in the dark. His attire consisted of fine silks, and his fur-lined leather jacket was very well-made; when combined with the way he carried himself, it painted the picture of a filthy rich and arrogant aristocrat. At his side, he wielded an advanced-looking weapon that gave the impression of an excavator drill that was turned into a sword. Whoever he was, was obviously a truly deadly opponent. "Honestly, what's so special about killing a baby? What? Does a mongrel like you think he's a big man when he does that?"

"This does not concern you, whoever you are."

The aristocrat snorted, coming to a stop next to the net of chains. "Really? Because I'm pretty sure I caught you trying to play god, releasing the Kyūbi no Yoko on the village again by killing the brat here. I may not like humans very much; but if there's one thing I hate in the world, it's mongrels like you that don't know their place!"

There was nothing special about the aristocrat; he could not protect Naruto even if his life depended on it. Of that, the masked man was certain. Still, might as well kill all witnesses so that nobody could tell who let the fox out. At the same time, it would smear more mud on the Hokage's name, and that of the Uzumaki clan's reputation, which worked out quite well for him. He hated them all anyway…especially the red-haired woman; the purity and sincerity of her love was just plain toxic in his eyes. Better kill off all love now for the one love I want more than anything in the world.

Mocking laughter had broken the masked man's train of thought. "You're pathetic, aren't you?" asked the aristocrat, planting the tip of his drill-sword into the ground as the laughter died down. "All this hate I sense from you? And you say you're doing it for love? If that's not hypocritical, then I don't know what is!"

"Oh? And what about you? You claim to hate humans, yet you're protecting one!"

"Like I said, I have no love for humans; but you are a step even lower than that mass of filth that has the audacity to call itself humanity." the aristocrat answered. "You're just a lowly mongrel that doesn't know his place…and trash like you should die for that."

The masked man sheathed his kunai and folded his arms. "Is that a threat?"

"You really want to test me?"

There was nothing said between them. The aristocrat simply stared into the single eyehole of the spiral mask…not backing down as his adversary stared back. It was a silent battle as both sized each other up, trying to get one another to back down. The masked man said nothing; there was nothing he knew about his opponent, save that he was very dangerous. He hated to think what kind of damage that drill-sword could do, especially when the carvings on the surface of the 'blade' glowed a very deadly red.

"I wonder…what would she say were she to see you now? About to kill people you obviously know? About to kill a child before it has even taken its first proper steps?"

"And I suppose you're a mind-reader?" taunted the masked man.

"Your thoughts are very palpable; to me, you're an open book." The aristocrat's smirk only widened. "What's the matter, mongrel? Afraid someone will recognize you? Afraid she will recognize you?"

"And you think I'm afraid of a cocky aristocrat with two fancy swords?"

"Oh, but you should be afraid. That's just something a mongrel like you cannot understand." As he spoke, the air began to ripple as golden-white lights began to increase in intensity. One by one, the masked man could see the tips of many weapons starting to stick out of each portal as the aristocrat readied himself to begin swinging that drill-sword around. "And if you're still not convinced of how dangerous I really am, stick around. Try to kill this child again, and I will show you where mongrels like you belong."

The masked man simply weighed his options in his mind. "How do I know you just won't kill me after I turn my back to you?"

"I could kill you at any time I like, mongrel." answered the aristocrat matter-of-factly, pointing his drill-sword at the masked man. "The only reason you live is because your death is not my responsibility. The most important question I have for you now is 'do you want me to kill you now, or later?'"

Not a lot of options. The weapons in the portals, he could probably handle; the chains, he didn't have to worry about them. But ultimately, the only weapon the masked man had to worry about was the drill-sword: he had no idea what it was capable of, but he did know that there was more to it than its outlandish design. Especially since the simple-yet-elegant carvings on the drill glowed red with an ancient and awesome power. Truly, this was not a foe to trifle with. "Very well, I will concede," said the masked man, "you're obviously too powerful for me to handle."

"Begone, mongrel! Lest I slay you for looking at a king with your inferior eyes."

A king? That man? The masked man could only walk away quickly; he had a feeling that this so-called 'king' would kill him if he pressed his luck. Though why he spared him was a matter for later. Right now, he had to leave before the 'king' changed his mind.

{Play: "Fūhen" by Rin, from "Samurai Seven"}

When he was certain that his opponent was long gone, the 'king' looked towards the cage of chains as they lowered the child upon the ground. He had a good look at him, and heaved a sigh upon seeing the child lowered safely. When he was content that no harm was going to come to the boy, he walked towards the redhead with a sigh, coming to a stop next to her head. "Kushina, you foolish pupil of mine. Then again, I suppose that the duty of a mother was what drove you to this foolishness. You called me here knowing that you were about to die, all to save your son…to that end, I think you're braver than most men; your mongrel of a husband included."

The king reached down and pried the golden key-sword out of Kushina's fingers. "I will consider this act of foolishness as your payment for summoning me after all this time. However, your son's body shall be my vessel for reincarnation—that is the price for studying under me. I will see to it that he will grow to be a true king…and if that bitch of a fox decides to overstep her bounds, I will ensure she knows her place. As to avenging you, there's no need; I'm very sure he'll pick up the slack on that end."

With every step he took, the king began to dissolve into gold dust that was scattered among the winds. As he stood over the slumbering body of the boy, the king drove the tip of the key-sword into the child's body, opening a portal that ate up the weapon gradually. As it did so, the baby's body started taking on a golden glow as it flooded his veins. By the time the entirety of the golden sword had been completely absorbed into his body, the king was starting to fade away.

"Consider this my first proper gift to you, mongrel," he began, his body dissolving at a faster rate, "you and I will become one; and when that happens, we will fight to see who has the right to become king of this body and the world. But I'm not without a modicum of generosity; whenever I deem you worthy, I will allow you access to the more excellent treasures in my vault…for now, however, I will grant you access to the one Noble Phantasm you could possibly use in honor of your mother. Become a worthy king, see if you can surpass me."

There was a bright flash of light as the king finally disappeared from sight. All that was left for the ANBU to find near the bodies of the Yondaime Hokage and his wife was a baby boy with whisker-marks on both sides of his face. Nobody knew what had happened in the meantime, but it was clear that this was going to be a shitstorm to deal with…

…

[Konohagakure no Sato Council Chambers…]

This was not supposed to happen.

As Sarutobi Hiruzen sat at the podium, he could only pinch the bridge of his nose in exasperation. This was exactly the kind of situation that he didn't want to ever get back to…in fact, this was a very big reason why he retired. His troubles were brought about not so long after he revealed to everyone in the chambers that the Kyūbi no Yoko was sealed into young Naruto. Some called for his blood…others, who recognized whose son he was, did everything in their power to shut the other party up, and honor Minato's request to have him seen as a hero.

A good amount of the naysayers calling for Naruto's death were fools that had just risen to power in the council. His former colleagues Homura and Koharu were most vocal in this…as was Shimura Danzo. Honestly…could those fools have thought up of a better way?! Hiruzen thought to himself, as he looked to the three elders with disgust in his eyes.

On the other half of the equation were clan heads that supported both Kushina and Minato from the get-go. This was mostly because they were friends who'd known them for quite some time, and trusted in their abilities…most notably with the clan heads that were associated with the couple. With the exception of Uchiha Fugaku, all the clan heads supported the idea of Naruto's survival.

Between them were a lot of shinobi and kunoichi with a lot of clout. They were the majority of the voices that had opinions about Naruto's ultimate fate, mixed as they were. Some of them were enemies of Minato and Kushina, seeing this as their chance to get revenge on the two of them. Others saw Naruto as a political bargaining chip that could be traded at any time. The ones who were sincere and unconditional about seeing him as a hero as Minato had instructed were few and far between. In total, Hiruzen had eyeballed the numbers to be about 80% of the people in the chambers.

All in all, it was way too noisy…especially tonight, when they should be mourning the death of a Hokage. Minato was relatively new to the job, having had a few years under his belt; the fact that someone was able to manipulate events in such a way as to cause his death was unprecedented. Still, it did not take away from the amount of sadness that should be felt today…the main reason why Hiruzen was disappointed in the reaction.

"Enough!" Hiruzen shouted, earning looks of stunned silence from the entirety of the chambers. "We've been bickering about this for long enough! It's about time we come to a decision! One thing is for certain: we are not going to kill Naruto, because if we do, we risk letting the fox out again!"

"Hokage-sama, I say we have Uzumaki Naruto adopted immediately," came the voice of Inuzuka Tsume, rising up to get her point of view across, "preferably with one of the clans."

"It seems you are denser than I thought," said Fugaku, "do you realize what will happen the second we do this? Our enemies are not stupid, you mutt! The second they see a clan adopting this child, they'll put two and two together, and come for us in droves!"

"Oh, and your intentions are any purer?" Tsume shot back. "We all know how covetous you and your wife are! How you wanted Kushina's hand in marriage, and how much Mikoto-chan desired Minato! How you both made children together is beyond me!"

There was mocking laughter coming from one corner of the room. It came from a dark-skinned woman with coffee-colored eyes, and snowy-white hair that reclined on her seat. She wore a red coat with black leather clothing underneath that bared her midriff and opened a window to her modest cleavage. "This coming from the bitch in heat that desires Minato for herself?"

"Shut your mouth, Emiya!" Tsume snapped, "Why do you care?!"

"At least I'm no hypocrite," answered Emiya, "We all know where I stand: if it's for the good of the village that Naruto dies, then I will kill him and force myself to smile. And unlike Danzo, I sincerely think of committing the worst atrocities for the good of the village. I care because as much as I want to gut Fugaku like a pig, he's still right; as much as I want to ensure that Naruto grows up and learns to control the fox's chakra properly, as much as I trust Minato's skill, he cannot do it while he's adopted by a clan. And if our enemies learn of who his father is, they will come to the village and kill him just to spite Minato."

Nobody that supported Minato ever really liked Emiya Shibuki; the woman was practically Shimura Danzo's ideals in the form of a woman. Rumor had it, she was raised by the old warhawk himself; there were even stories of the possibly she was his daughter. While she and Minato never saw eye-to-eye on methodology, they acknowledged each other as worthy adversaries and respected each other as people striving for peace. They also eventually became so close that they agreed that Danzo was a poison to the village…and so she betrayed her mentor for the good of the village by aiding in his ROOT cell's disbandment. One could even say that if he'd lived long enough and their bond got stronger, Shibuki would very likely be Minato's mistress.

"Well what would you suggest we do?" Tsume challenged, folding her arms across her chest. "We can't leave him in the orphanage. Who knows which matron he'll get?"

"I say we have him adopted by a low-profile family," suggested Shibuki, "that way, everybody wins; the fox does not escape, Naruto gets to live and our enemies will be none the wiser."

As he thought on it, Hiruzen thought she made sense. This was actually the best idea of all. And in a way, he had a perfect idea of who should adopt him. "Very well then Shibuki, we shall implement your suggestion."

At that, Shibuki looked at Hiruzen with a quizzical expression. One could read 'that was quick' all over her face. "However, with one stipulation: since this is your idea, you get to adopt him."

The normally stoic Shibuki's jaw had dropped upon hearing that. Nobody ever saw that coming. But it didn't matter to Hiruzen; the matter was solved…and he would make sure that Emiya knew her place. Not to mention, it would truly put her mothering skills to the test. One way or another, he was going to see to it that Naruto grew up to make his parents proud.

…

A/N: …and we're done. Pretty short, but this is just the pilot episode.

Here, Naruto will start off with Enkidu, and all the low-level (read Rank E) Noble Phantasms in the Gate of Babylon.

Suggestions for future Servant reincarnations will be taken into consideration.

In any case, do review…would you kindly? And keep it classy.