Somewhere Between Raising Hell and Amazing Grace

By: Paraflymore

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Supernatural and if I did I would be way nicer to them all.

A/N: Y'all hate me right? I know I hate myself. But I am just feeling lazy and ready to get to the next part of the story. I am very excited to write my girl Lila into season 6 – which I have to say is one of my favorite seasons. I hope everyone is still enjoying the story. Love you guys. Also I didn't mention it in other chapters but Abby's birthday is going to be December 4th and I am going to say that this chapter is about a month or so before her first birthday.

Time Line: Somewhere after "Hammer Of The Gods"

Summary: I dreamed I held you in my arms, but when I woke dear, I was mistaken.

Fighting For Nothing
Chapter Eight:

"My Only Sunshine"

For some reason she cannot help but play with the ring hanging around her neck on a simple black cord. Its as if it holds something dear to her. But in all honesty she cannot remember where she got it from. She dreams about the same man every night. He's tall and handsome with green eyes that seem to bore right into her. She spent all day thinking of him, searching for him in a crowd.

He was everywhere but yet he was no where at all.

Lila stands up on her tiptoes, reaching for a glass bowl on the top shelf. But it goes tumbling out of the cabinet and crashes onto the floor into a hundred pieces. She waits a moment to see if it woke Abby up and then she bends over to pick it up.

She sees the blood before she actually feels the cut in the palm of her hand, she jumps up from the floor and turns the sink on, rinsing the blood from her hand.

And she can see him, plain as day, holding a towel to her hand that's bleeding. Looking down at her with those deep, soulful, green eyes.

"I don't want you to leave," She tells him, practically begs.

He looks down at her and she wishes that she could find a way to dive into those eyes and get lost forever.

The man almost smirks at her, but it fades away, just as the image of him fades.

She put a band aid over her hand and tried to will it away.

Whatever it was she was seeing, it wasn't real.

She turns around, and suddenly she isn't in her kitchen anymore, she's in her mother's house and he is standing there looking at her from the other side of the table. Those damn green eyes are all judgy and she won't admit how much it pisses her off and makes her want to kiss him at the same time.

He's younger than he had been in her other dreams.

"If I didn't know any better I would think you were jealous..."

She runs into a wall, and she uses it to keep her upright.

The things she was seeing, it was almost like they were memories.

And they were assaulting her.

Flashes and glimpses of them and their life together. Each one was more painful than the last, she finds herself on the floor clutching her head in agony.

And just before it all goes black she hears him promise "No matter what happens, I will always love you..."

She wakes up on the floor, a small puddle of blood next to her face. She realizes pretty quickly that it had been coming from her nose. She eases herself up and the ringing in her ears gets louder.

Lila doesn't know what is real anymore. This could all be some kind of psychotic break, she could have a brain tumor that was making her see and feel things that weren't real.

But it all just felt so real...

This life never felt like hers, she hated her job and her clothes and the face that looked back at her from the mirror.

A flash of a man in a trench coat – Castiel she remembers – he reaches out towards her and touches her head. "This is only temporary.

Castiel was an angel.

That much she knew.

Call it an epiphany, call it a rude awakening, call it whatever you want but she had to know if this was real.

Her ears are ringing as she rises up and she wonders if she will be okay. Whatever happened was big, undoing the angel's mojo had to take some seriously heavy power. Inheriting her mom's psychic abilities had always been her biggest fear.

But what was it that her momma always told her?

Three things you can't run from are death, taxes and your destiny.

She splashes cold water on her face and tries to catch her breath.

It might have been impractical to just pack up her baby and chase what could possibly be just ghosts. But Lila could not let go the memory of that man and his deep green eyes. Abby was mumbling in the back seat, words she wished she could make out. She took solace in the fact that she seemed to be encouraging her to keep driving.

She knocks frantically on the familiar door, everything had taken on a dream like quality the moment she pulled into the driveway. But she knew this place, and it felt like home.

A man in a wheelchair opens the door and he looks up at her with wide eyes.

"Lila?"

"Do I know you?" She asks, tilting her head to the side, something was so familiar about this older man and his scraggly beard and soft kind eyes.

"Shit." He mutters, and then his eyes land on Abby. "Gosh, she's getting big."

Lila takes a step back. "How do you know me?"

"My name is Bobby Singer." He says softly, rolling his wheelchair back. "We're old friends."

She remembers him holding his hands up to her with a soft smile, checking her bloody and bruised nose to see if it was broken. She knew she liked him from the first time she met him.

Lila takes a step inside the house and the baby in her arms stirs and she raises her head to look at Bobby. Her face lights up with a smile and she practically jumps from her arms into his lap. He wraps her up in his arms and kisses her blond girls. "Guess someone still remembers me."

"That angel did this to me."

Bobby nods. "You two decided that it was the best way to keep you safe."

"Me and who?"

He smirks, "Dean."

Dean.

Dean Winchester.

The name resonates something inside of her and she feels like she might fall over again.

She takes off into the kitchen and somehow she knows just where he keeps his cups and his alcohol and pours herself a glass of bourbon. She never knew how much she liked bourbon...

Bobby wheels into the kitchen, he's got Abby in his lap still and she is laughing and having a good time riding in his char with him.

She downs the rest of her cup. "So I'm not crazy?"

"Lila you really don't want me to answer that question..."

She finds herself smirking at him.

"Where is he? Dean?" She asks, deciding to pour herself another glass.

"Not sure." Bobby tells her, opening a drawer and pulling out a piece of candy, he unwraps a piece of chocolate and hands it to Abby with a smile. "I should probably call him."

She nods, taking another long sip. She situates herself on a chair and watches her baby who seems to be on cloud fucking nine with this Bobby guy.

Apparently they were close.

"Dean?" Bobby says into the receiver. "We might have a problem... Lila's here. I don't know you idjit she just showed up at my door," He scoffs and looks over at her for a split second. "What was I supposed to do Dean? Shut the door in her face?"

She finishes her second drink and resists the urge to pour herself another one.

"Yeah, you do that." He hangs the phone up and turns himself around and smirks at her. "He's the most stubborn son of …" He looks down at the toddler in his lap. "well you get know where I'm going with this one?"

Lila nods. "Is he coming here?"

Bobby nods, reaching for the bottle of Jim Beam and drinking straight from the bottle. "He'll be here in about an hour."

And suddenly she was nervous.

…

Dean clutches the phone in his hand so tightly it amazes him it isn't crunched when he lets it go. Sam leans forward in the front seat and looks over at him.

"Do you want me to drive?"

He shakes his head. Still processing what Bobby had told him. Lila was at his house which meant somehow she had remembered him.

"I thought you had Cas erase everything?" Sam asks as he takes the ramp up the expressway.

"He did," He fumes, tossing his phone into the backseat. "He even gave her all of these false memories to replace them."

Sam makes a noise. "I can't believe the two of you went through with it."

"I had to do what I could to keep them safe..."

"You're doing a lot of that here lately..."

…

He can't fucking breathe as he makes his way up the front steps of Bobby's house. There is a Ford Explorer parked outside with a pink car seat in the back. His stomach drops when he sees her, his daughter, who is not such a baby anymore, smiling up at him from the floor in Bobby's kitchen. She is playing with a toy dinosaur.

Nothing else really seems to matter then.

He kneels to one knee and her big green eyes light up. She reaches her tiny chubby fists to him, "Da da."

She was so big– how the hell did that happen? All the energy drains from his body when she wraps her tiny arms around his neck, squeezing him hard. She missed him, she remembered him. She loved him.

And for the first time in his entire life, Dean actually felt like he was worthy of it.

"Dean?" Her voice cuts through the fog and the tears.

He opens his eyes and she is standing in the doorway. Her hair is cut, that is the first thing he notices. Now its shorter around her face and slightly curly. It was a definite change.

"Lila." He manages to get up from the floor, Abby hasn't moved from around his neck.

"Wow." She says, hand on her hip, looking at him with a smirk on her lips. "You're real."

He nods, wishing there wasn't a baby between them. "Yeah, I guess I am."

…

It doesn't take her long to fall asleep, so he puts her down on covering her up with his flannel like he always did when she was first brought home from the hospital and couldn't sleep unless she was in her daddy's arms.

He turns around and she is right there.

"She absolutely adores you."

He smirks proudly. "The feeling is mutual."

"I'm sorry," She says shyly, a totally new emotion for him to see her express. "I just I know I should know you and I kind of do but its all still kind of fuzzy."

Dean hears Bobby and Sam talking in the other room and since Abby is sound asleep he leads her down the stairs, the panic room isn't the most romantic place to take her, but he knows that they can have a conversation without someone interrupting them.

He shuts the door and turn to look at her, she smells so nice, like some sweet perfume. She was intoxicating to look at and he didn't remember how he went six months without her, he didn't know how he was going to go another second.

She takes a step towards him, her hand touching his cheek softly. "You just feel so familiar to me."

Her hand is so warm and he hasn't been able to get warm in months.

Then someone clears their throat.

Both of them jump apart and Castiel is standing there awkwardly staring at them.

"Great timing Cas." Dean scoffs, running his hand through his hair.

Lila eyes him. "Castiel." She says slowly. "You took my memories."

He nods, circling her. "You broke through the mental block, it must have been very painful."

"Yeah, it hurt like a bitch." She tells him, crossing her arms over her chest and eyeing him. "Can you give them back? Can you help me remember?"

Castiel looks at Dean, as if he is waiting to see what his reaction was.

"I can."

Lila reaches for his hand, grabbing it like it was her lifeline. "What do I need to do?"

"Don't move." He tells her, holding his hand out to her, he touches her forehead and she lets out a soft moan, collapsing backwards into Dean's arms.

"Is she okay?" Dean asks, lifting her up into his arms.

Cas nods. "She will be fine."

Dean lowers her onto the cot, kneeling down beside her. "I know that this wasn't a good idea. I should had just let you re-erase me. But I miss her Cas, all this crap we've been in and all I can think about is her."

"I know." He says, and then in the next second he is gone. Dean leans his head on her hand. It might be a fucking disaster when she wakes up but he was just glad to have her back.

…

She jumps up from the bed, gasping for air and startling the shit out of him. She is sitting there catching her breath and eyeing him like she wants to smack him.

"How do you feel?" He asks, touching her cheek.

"Like I want to slug you."

He smirks. "Go a head and do it I deserve it."

Lila pushes her hair out of her face, she seems annoyed by her bangs in her face. "I can't believe I cut my hair."

"Me either." He touches the ends and smirks. "I kind of like it though."

She scoffs, raising up further in the bed, she doesn't want to sit on it any longer. "I feel hungover."

He chuckles, "Bobby did say that you drank half a bottle of bourbon."

Lila clutches her head. "I definitely remember that."

Dean raises up and kisses her temple. "I'm sorry that we did this. I should have never even..."

"Its okay, you were just trying to keep us safe."

He looks right into her eyes and he doesn't remember how he went so long without talking to her. How he was able to get up in the morning and function without kissing her goodnight.

This woman had ruined him in the best way possible.

"I just felt so lost," She says softly. "I woke up everyday and I tried to be happy, but it just didn't feel right. I hated my clothes, I hated the face in the mirror staring back at me." Lila laces their fingers together. "I was missing something, someone."

"I know the feeling."

Lila leans in closer, "Where's Abby?"

"Sleeping." He bumps his nose into hers, teasing. "She should be out for a couple more hours."

"I love you," She breathes, pressing her lips to his softly.

"I love you more..."

…

Despite the happiness they felt, the world was indeed ending. There was no denying that. There were signs everywhere, breathing down the back of their necks, not letting them have a moment of solace.

Abby turned one and Lila spent the day trying not to cry, but every time she looked at her baby she couldn't help but be sad. They might wake up tomorrow and everything could have went to hell, literally.

It was like living in slow motion, like someone had a hold of her puppet strings.

She stayed at Bobby's even though she had a perfectly nice house just a few miles up the road. It was just safer there, she felt like she could actually ride this thing out in that old house with him.

It was an all hands on deck situation, and she hates watching them all pack up and head off to fight the devil and save the world but she knows someone had to keep Abby safe.

But saying goodbye never gets easier.

"I just want you to know, that when I picture myself happy its with you and Abby. I wish we could have a normal life, I wish it more than anything sometimes."

Lila stands on her tip toes and kisses him on the forehead. "I know."

Dean stares at her for a long time, catching her cheek and looking right into her eyes. He promises himself that he is going to come back to her. He swears it.

But saying it out loud would be a jinx, so instead he just kisses her, whispering his wish against her lips.

And in the grand scheme of things Lila knows that they will all be okay, she can feel it somewhere deep inside herself. She looks at her daughter and she has to believe that this world might be worthy of her one day...

One day everything would be okay...