In the Morning

"I like someone else, Chat Noir."

I know that I heard the words come from Ladybug's mouth but I can't- Tears won't stop falling from my eyes as harsh sobs rake through my body. I can't believe it. My gasps cut through my lungs. My face stings as I try and stop the sobs taking over my body. I make my way into my bedroom window.

I finally told her. And, and she likes someone else… that's not the same though! I- I love her! LOVE! My sobs shatter my thoughts as I look to my leather clad hands. The last part of my ring beeps at me, letting me know Plagg is tired and hungry. I close my eyes and try to hang on to the tread that feeds me my strength and power I only feel as Chat Noir before it fades. It is no good though. I'm already a mess like this, as Chat Noir, there is honestly no point in even attempting to be Adrien Agreste.

I feel Plagg land in one of my empty hands as I slowly slide down the wall and push my other hand through my hair as I hold in a cry and feel my knees shake as I finally softly hit the ground. I look to my kwami, who is trying to smile up at me. I wish he would talk to me. But, at the same time I'm glad he doesn't try. I wouldn't even know what to say. I don't even think I could get myself to form a word right now. Plus, I just feel so entirely alone.

Even when I'm not alone, I am. No. I brush my hand that was in my hair across my eyes and try and feebly dry them. I'm not alone when I'm with Ladybug. I hear my sobbing echoes through my huge, over the top room. I pull my knees up and place Plagg on one as I press my hands against my eyes. I catch myself gasping harshly to try and feel something. To feel some form of life in my body other than pain. I don't need to even try being quiet with my crying. I cry so often at night everyone in the whole building ignores me. Even my father. I've always told myself that they aren't ignoring me, it's just that they can't hear me because the walls are so thick. I know it's not true, but some nights it makes me feel better.

I let out a shaky sigh, my face stinging again as I attempt to stop my sobbing, and lift my head. I feel my jaw shaking as I try and calm my breathing and stop my tears. I notice Plagg has started to move. He stops on my shoulder and brushes his head against my cheek. I reach my hand up and pat him on the head softly. I can feel my control slipping as I think of how My Lady might interact with her kwami. Why am I so weak?! My hands fist in my lap and then go limp, is it because of my past? The fact that my life has been a personal hell? Well, until the day I got Plagg and met Ladybug. I tilt my head up and try again to uselessly hold back my tears.

I feel them once again pouring down my hot cheeks again. My room feels cold and my body is too hot. I have too many emotions flooding through me right now. Thoughts of My Lady passing to quickly before my dull and red eyes. I knock my head back against my wall a few times and squeeze my eyes closed tight, even with them close the tears still find their escape.

I love her.

There is no other way I can feel about her. But- I bite my lip and tuck my chin to my knees as I dry heave trying to pull cold air into my unaccepting lungs. I notice Plagg's wide, little green eyes and the shocked look on his face. I finally cry out and stop trying to hold anything back. Letting all the pain, hurt and confusion rip through my body.

I want to be able to help you My Lady, to be there for you. My beautiful, wonderful, smart, caring, witty, lovely Ladybug. But I can't at this moment. My heart hasn't been whole in so long. I was starting to think that it would never feel whole again, after my mom left. I felt like giving my heart to you was the safest place for it. I feel my teeth start to chatter as I feel my body temperature cooling.

I won't say I was wrong My Lady. I still do trust you with my heart, my life and my love. My heart is full when I'm with you. You make me feel more alive than I ever have in my life. But, at this time. I need to break down. I can't be strong when I feel so weak, empty and broken.

So give me this one night My Lady.

This one night to be weak.

To be heart broken. Hurt. Lost. Alone.

I promise you My Lady, I'll be there for you in the morning.