DISCLAIMER! With the exception of original character Aina, all featured or mentioned fictional entities are from Kenji Taira's spin-off manga series, Rock Lee and His Ninja Pals (Rock Lee's Springtime of Youth), which in turn is based on Masashi Kishimoto's manga series Naruto. This fan fiction is written purely for entertainment and generates no profit whatsoever.

Lady Anko, The Fifth-And-One-Half Hokage!

Usual nonsense aside, the day decidedly ends as a success for everyone. Orochimaru has more firmly secured his place in the village. Team Guy secures their new teammate and pet project. Anko, with some not-so-gentle persuasion, secures her spot as substitute Hokage, thus securing for Tsunade the lack of excuse not to—sorry, securing for her the means to keep her appointment.

But Aina goes home the happiest of everyone, pleased to have managed to convince the crows to let her build a box for their nest. She never quite liked to argue. But luckily animals (and people) tend to be much more flexible when you feed them good food. Yes, indeed! Today has been a good one. Just like yesterday, just like tomorrow will be. Everything the same.

Well after dinner and the sunset, and just before bedtime, Aina sits at the table with her muffs over her ears as she slowly and lightly taps the final nail into her newest craft. Hold the nail in place so it don't go in crooked…be gentle but firm to your nails…yes, Papa…aha!

She sets down her hammer and holds up the box over her head to examine her handiwork. Beaming with satisfaction, she turns to Minori and Masa, who are lounging on her left. "Well now, what do y'all think of this one?"

It's lovely, Aina. I'm sure the crows will love it.

Eh. It's all right for a birdhouse.

Snakes are not ones to care much for others' affairs unless they directly affect them. Turtles are slightly more caring, but still prefer to keep to themselves.

Aina giggles at her companions. "Thanks, y'all. Just need to stain-n-finish it an' then it'll be all ready to put up. Oh, dear! Tsunade's gonna be leavin' first thing tomorrow for her business trip, and Shizune-n-Sakura are goin' with her. Which leaves Anko in charge of all of us for the next few days. I'm gonna pack 'em a picnic lunch while the stain dries," she announces, pulling in the cans of wood conditioner and water-based wood stain/finish sitting across from her. The stain/finish is natural color, as the crows had requested. By the front door, a window is cracked open for ventilation. It's not too cold yet outside. Tonight the breeze is cool and quite pleasant.

This may sound like a lot of work to do just before bedtime, but Aina is too excited to sleep, anyway. Sometimes she feels so happy and productive that she gets too restless to go to bed at her regular time (8:00 pm), and channels these boosts of energy through cooking, cleaning and making things.

And why shouldn't she be happy? The Reptile and Amphibian Appreciation Club—or RAAAC, for shorthand—is finally coming to fruition. She has gained a gaggle of new neighbors and friends. She's got a wonderful new beau that she'll get to see every day…

"Ahahaha! Slow down, li'l lady," she says out loud, echoing a phrase her Mama would sometimes say to her. "It's only been a week. It's too soon to say we're boyfriend-n-girlfriend right yet. Ooh, but there ain't no denyin' it's sure lookin' that way, yep-yep."

Minori tilts her head to the left, doubtful. I…don't know, Aina. Mating for humans is different than for us turtles. We don't form pair bonds like you do. Many of us don't even settle on one mate in a nesting season. But something about your gentleman friend unsettles me…it could be his pointy teeth, and his eyes. Humans don't typically look like that. His pupils are slits. Doesn't that mean he's venomous?

"Oh, his eyes? Aha, I been thinkin' maybe those were contacts he wears 'cause he loves snakes so much that he relates to them. And the teeth are dentures. When you spend lotsa time with animals you love like I do with you two, you start to pick up their habits, don't you know. Though it would be really neat if they turned out to be natural. Anything's possible, I reckon. I'll hafta ask him."

Masa flickers her forked black tongue. Oh Minori, you should know that you can't judge humans like you can other predators. Besides, pupils aren't everything. Now if you really want to know if he's venomous, look at his anal scale. If he lets you, that is.

Easing out of her coil, she slithers up Aina's right arm and briefly lifts her tail. See how mine has a double row of scales after it? A venomous cousin would have a single row after theirs.

Other animals are less concerned about hiding their anuses than humans.

"Heehee! Oh Masa. Of course I knew that. But for Orochi to have an anal scale, he'd have to be a snake himself, silly. And he isn't. At least, I don't think so…though if he was, I don' reckon I'd mind, none."

In Aina's world, magic and science are one and the same. By day, Mama and Papa would teach her about the plants and animals outside; by night, they would lull her to sleep with fanciful tales of gods and goddesses and spirits and people who could turn into animals, or animals who could turn into people. Many of them also looking for friends. As a little girl, she would sometimes wander about after completing her chores to look for these magical folks for herself.

For instance, when she was six, she'd once heard a story about a prince who was turned into a frog against his will. The curse on him could only be broken by true love. Aina, always eager to help and make a new friend and naturally inclined to play with critters, spent the next few days after that looking for frogs to kiss, hoping to help a prince—or princess, or even just an otherwise ordinary person like herself—regain their original form.

Her search turned up nothing in that regard, but she did gain a new appreciation for frogs, and by extension, all animals. Because that was the time she discovered she could speak to them like she could speak to people. After that, rather than chasing after them, she could just ask a frog upfront if they would like to be kissed. All of them had politely denied being enchanted, and sounded quite content to live as frogs even if they were.

Masa leisurely crawls up Aina's arm to settle into a coil around her thick neck, a gesture which never fails to bring a smile to the woman's face. She lifts her head, beady eyes glowing. You could always ask him later. Anyway, I disagree with Minori. I for one like him! He'll make a fine and powerful mate for you. You want someone like that on your side.

"Oh, Masa. I don' like to think of it like it's a business deal, but I'm glad to have your blessing, anyway. And don't worry, Minori. We've only just begun welcomin' Orochi into our lives, but so far he ain't been nothin' but nice. You ought not judge a fellow just by how he looks. It's what he does that matters. Give it a little time. You may be pleasantly surprised."

Minori blinks and turns her head to the right in dubious contemplation. Well…all right. I will continue to watch him.

Aina nods, pleased with Minori's accommodation, and gets up to take both of her companions to her room for their bedtime.

Once she's gotten them tucked in, she resumes her seat at the table and pops open the can of conditioner. Conditioner always goes on before the stain and finish and must be allowed at least 15 minutes to dry before applying the latter two. She dips her brush and begins to stroke it along the edges of the birdhouse, working her way from the roof to the arches on the bottom. Her strokes are slow, long and deliberate, like most other things about her.

As she often does when working, she begins humming. It's "Love Song™" once again. She'd heard that song last week the day after she'd met Orochimaru and, like him, it has been stuck in her head since.

Not that she minds. It's a welcome distraction.

…

"Oi! G'mornin', Tsunade, Shizune, Sakura, Tonton! G'mornin', Anko!"

At the doors of the Hokage's office, the kunoichi break from their debriefing to acknowledge Aina toddling up to them with a smile and a basket packed with lunch boxes bouncing in the crook of her right elbow. She's so sad about having to see them go, even when knowing they would return, but grateful to have caught them before they'd left.

The last time Tsunade left town without telling her—back when they had both just begun their jobs as Hokage and school custodian respectively—Aina had spent the following three days either waiting by the village gate or asking everyone where Tsunade had gone, when she'd be coming back, whether she had a place to stay and enough to eat. Almost like a child missing her mother. Or a mother missing her child. Aina has a strange tendency of alternating between the two personas, to the point of blurring the line between them. At least in the eyes of outsiders. Either way, Tsunade has made it a point to let Aina know when she's going out of town, since then. This is their ritual.

"I made a picnic lunch for everybody," she says, offering the basket to Sakura, Tsunade's apprentice. "But you can also eat it for breakfast if you ain't eaten already. I put your name on your lunch box so's you know which is whose. I made anko dumplings, umeboshi, and anmitsu for you, Sakura. Your favorites!"

"Oh! Thank you, Kame! How sweet of you," says Sakura, nodding her head in gratitude and beaming back at her. Sakura's smile is so very warm and pretty, leaving little room to wonder why so many boys in the village are head over heels for her, Rock Lee and Naruto most prominently.

"Hey! Where are my anko dumplings?" Anko cuts in teasingly.

"Don't you worry, I made some for you too, Anko. An' soup to go with it. Here." She pauses to pull out a brown paper bag to hand to her friend. "For you, Shizune, I cooked you some brown rice, and packed some carrots and radishes for you, Tonton."

The pair take their turn to express their gratitude. "Yum! All of our favorites! Thank you, Kame," says Shizune. "Very considerate, as always!"

Tonton waves her tiny hooves as she rests cradled in Shizune's arms. "Oink-oink!"

Aina giggles before turning to face Tsunade, hands clasped under her chin. "A-an' for you, Tsunade…I made grilled teriyaki seitan with steamed vegetables-n-rice. I also packed water for y'all in case you get thirsty. Ooh! And taiyaki with anko or sweet potato fillin'. Somethin' sweet!"

"Gosh, Kame! That's a lot of food," says Sakura. "You must've had to get up pretty early to make all this."

"Nah, it wasn' no trouble a'tall," Aina declares. She'd ended up not going to bed at all. She just couldn't find it in her to be tired, even after finishing the birdhouse. She does not tell them this, however. They don't need to know.

"Haha! Thanks, Kame! That's less money we gotta spend on meals, too," says Tsunade. Personally the Lady Hokage prefers real chicken, but seitan will do. Aina is a pescatarian. She won't go anywhere near meat or poultry, but fish is likely to spoil quickly on the road, especially with today's sunny forecast.

The reason she gave when Tsunade had once asked her out of curiosity about her tolerance for fish but no other meats: "Fish don't talk."

A peculiar answer, yes, but so is everything else but Aina. So like everything else about her, everyone lets it go.

"Awright, then! Ladies, I think we're officially ready to go. Expect to see us back in a week from now. Anko…"

Anko grins mischievously at her boss. "Heh-heh, I've got this. We've got this. You can count on us to hold down the fort in your absence, Lady Tsunade. In fact, I've already come up with a list of stuff for us to do to entertain ourselves while you're gone."

"Don't forget about the other things that need taking care of, too," Tsunade chides. "The less paperwork I have to come home to, the better."

"Aw, don't worry. I've got that covered, too." That's what her two new Sound stooges are for. And Lee's team.

Aina glances down at her bare feet and feels her arms beginning to stretch out before her, the request to hug her friends goodbye bubbling up in her throat. But Tsunade cuts her off with, "Later, you two! Let's move out!" She turns on her heels and walks away, beckoning the other two to follow her before Aina can decide whether to ask.

Oh. Never mind. They have a schedule much tighter than hers to keep, and they probably would have said no, anyway. They'd said no before. She would respect that. The picnic basket should suffice in expressing farewell. Besides, she has Orochimaru to give all the hugs to now.

Sakura, with her keen green eyes, must notice her half-hugging the air, because she stops to regard her with concern. "Kame, is something the matter? Do you need something?"

"Huh? Um…jus' wanted to say good-bye to y'all, is all. Have a nice, pleasant trip."

Sakura looks over a moment more but can't detect any hidden meaning behind her statement—after all, Kame is known for her many unusual and seemingly meaningless tics and everyone by now has come expect to take her word for it—so she beams at her again. "Oh! Thank you, Kame, we will!"

"Do…you have a first aid kit? In case one of y'all get hurt while traveling?"

The young kunoichi giggles. "Yeah, we do. We're all medics, so I think we'll be all right in that department."

"Oh…yes. I just wanted to be sure. Naruto-n-Mighty Guy are gonna see me today about drawin' their animals for our club banner."

Sakura frowns slightly at this news. Naruto and Guy are good people and all that, but they can be loud and obnoxious. It's bad enough that Orochimaru, of all people, has inexplicably decided to move back into the village and start dating her. The only reason she hasn't yet paid him a visit was because this development had been sprung on her so quickly, and Tsunade had insisted that it would work out in the end without having to use her brute strength. But she was free to do what she thought was right if it didn't.

She hopes those two don't end up overwhelming her, that they can dial it back just for today, for Aina's sake. "Is that right? Well then, you're in for a treat, Kame!" She dashes over to Anko to whisper into her ear, "Make sure those guys take it easy on her. Tell them if they don't, they can expect a pounding when we get back."

Anko nods in understanding.

"Anko…a-are you sure you'll be able to handle Orochimaru on your own?"

"Oh yeah. Not that I'll be all my own, I've got—"

"Sakura, shake a leg! We're burning daylight."

"R-right. Coming, Lady Tsunade!" Sakura waves a friendly arm over her head as she takes her turn to leave, clutching the basket in her other hand as she shrugs the straps of her backpack back into place on her shoulders. "Bye! And be careful, Anko."

Aina slowly reciprocates the gesture, her smile soft and sad. "Bye-bye. Anko, what was Sakura whisperin' in your ear, if you don't mind my askin'?"

Anko joins in on the waving, her movement much brisker. "What? Uh…oh! Sakura just suggested I put on the Hokage's hat, so everyone knows I'm taking over for the week." She mentally pats herself on the back for her quick wit. She was going to try on the hat, anyway.

Once their friends have disappeared from view, Anko wastes no time stuffing her snack into one of her coat pockets and donning the red and white hat with the kanji for "fire" printed on the front. Arms akimbo, she grins playfully at Aina. "So Kame, how do I look? Do I look pompous enough?"

Blinking, Aina turns to her and tilts her head. "Hmm…I must admit you do look peculiar with that hat on. But I reckon that's only 'cause I ain't never seen you wear a hat before. I wouldn' say you looked pompous, though." The smile returns to her full, dusky lips. "Matter of fact, I'd say you look rather nice in it. Darling, even."

Anko flaps her hand, smirking. She's not entirely sure about being called "darling"—that's not really her style and the Hokage is supposed to look "daring" rather than "darling"—but it's Kame. Everyone is darling in her eyes. "Aw, go on!"

"Okey-dokey. Not only that, but the hat looks kinda like an umbrella. It'll give you shade from both the sun and the rain. Very practical. Just like the Hokage, I reckon."

"Uh, yeah, that too."

"You want I should continue complimenting you?"

"Nah, no thanks. I think that's enough. I could listen to you tell me how great I am all day, but you know we both got jobs to do." And snakes to beat out.

Aina taps on her nose. "Ah, that we do. Well now, I'd best go an' put up that house I made for the crows. After that, I'm gonna clean the gutter, an' then go patch up that hole in the men's locker room."

"Oh, no need to care about the hole, anymore. My team and Guy's took care of it, yesterday." Anko rips open the sack Aina had put together for her and digs right into the first stick of dumplings she pulls out. "For today, I'd focus on helping the crows settle in and keeping your appointment with Naruto and Guy."

"Huh, really? Golly! Thank you, Anko! Would you an' Kabuto an' Kimimaro like to come to my house for lunch? I oughta thank you for helping me with that chore. It ain't easy patchin' up a hole in the wall."

"Mm, some other time," Anko replies, a little more hastily than she means to. Little does Aina know, Anko hopes to keep her as busy as possible so as to keep her apart from Orochimaru. Without her interference, Anko could make that bastard do every humiliating and menial thing she can think of. That should make him crack and give up his façade. Then they could kick him out, as hard as they pleased.

Yes. That's the only logical explanation for this radical change in his behavior. It's an act. Kabuto is Orochimaru's yes-man. Of course he'd lie to cover for him. Tsunade will be so relieved to come back to find the trash taken out at last!

Oh yes. She knows exactly where to put him today. She tips the hat over her eyes, a lingering grief trickling into her thoughts. To think that this hat used to sit every day on the balding, dandruff-ridden head of her old friend, the Third Hokage. Sarutobi-sensei. Orochimaru had screwed them both, and many others, over so terribly.

How could Tsunade ever think it's a good idea to welcome back the man who'd killed their teacher and the Leaf's leader? The man who'd tried to kill them both personally? What had she been drinking the night before?

Then she reminds herself of what Tsunade had said before they'd parted:

"Stay within the terms of the truce. But otherwise, do everything you can to drive him crazy enough to want to leave."

Anko reflects on her promise and cracks her knuckles with determination. She will pull no punch.

"Anko, are you all right? You've gotten all quiet…"

"What? Uh, nothin'. Just, uh, mentally going over the list of stuff I gotta do today." She briefly toys with the inkling to ask her to call her Lady Anko, but squashes it. Kame has never called anyone by their proper titles, not even Tsunade. She wouldn't want to scramble her poor already scrambled brain by forcing such a radical change in her routine. Having everybody else call her Lady Anko should suffice.

"Anything I could help you do? After puttin' up the crows' house, cleanin' the gutter, an' drawin' with Naruto an' Mighty Guy, I reckon my day'll be pretty free. Anything I can help you do?"

"I've got a friendly suggestion: perhaps you could go around all the toilet stalls and replace all the toilet paper so it's hanging over the roll rather than under?"

The woman glance back to see Kabuto and Kimimaro approaching them. Kabuto's narrowed black eyes slide down towards Anko's left hand clenched as a fist in her right palm. "I can't help but notice you've been cracking your knuckles an awful lot lately, Mitarashi," he says, clutching a paper cup of hot tea in his own hands. "I've read somewhere that cracking your knuckles is a sign of sexual frustration."

Anko glowers back at him. "Helmet-head. First of all, it's Lady Anko to you until further notice, now that I'm the Fifth-and-one-half Hokage."

Kabuto scowls. "I beg your pardon? Don't you mean, substitute Hokage?"

"No! The Fifth-and-one-half Hokage! It sounds more official putting it that way," she states matter-of-factly, folding her arms with extra authority.

Kabuto huffs. "To the contrary, it makes you sound even less official…"

"Yeah well, I'm your captain, and in case you forgot, you're in the Leaf now, not the Sound. I don't think you've got much of a say in anything."

"Wh-what're you talkin' about, Anko? Jus' 'cause Kabuto's new here, don't mean his opinions on things don't matter. Everybody's opinion matters here. The village is a family."

Anko freezes up, forgetting that Aina is standing right there and can hear everything they're saying. Whether she understands it, though, is another matter. Kabuto continues to glare at her, a knowing smirk playing with his lips.

"Uh…well…y-yeah, he and Kimimaro are family, now! The problem is, they're…they're just not initiated! Yeah, that's it! We haven't formally initiated them as Leaf nins, yet. Then they'll officially be considered family. That goes for Orochimaru, too. That's one of the things I was gonna do today."

"Aha, wonderful! I'd like to sit in on that. I can make snacks," Aina offers, clapping her hands. She always loved welcoming new neighbors.

"Uhhhh, I dunno if you'll be allowed to sit in for all of the rituals. Ninjas only. Super-sensitive secret stuff. You know how it is. But yeah, you can take care of the reception for after the fact. 'Kay?" Anko offers with a wink.

"Oh. Um, okey-dokey. Ninjas only. I understand," says Aina, a tad more quietly this time as she scratches the base of her neck. "Just be sure to let me know when-n-where…when you're able."

"Sure, whatever. You should go on and check all the toilet paper like Kabuto said. Which brings me to my second point! I find it interesting that you've been noticing me cracking my knuckles so much to begin with. Maybe you're the sexually frustrated one? It'd be no surprise to anyone if that was true, since you-know-who left you."

Kimimaro ignores his teammates' hostile exchange and instead nods to Aina, who is beginning to seem a bit left out in his eyes after Anko's rather careless rejection. Sometimes the less one speaks, the more they hear. For someone who's supposed to be her best friend and friendly in general, Anko doesn't treat her very well, does she?

"Good morning, Kame."

Aina perks up and smiles in turn. "Ah, g-g'mornin', Kimimaro! Mornin', Kabuto! I reckon in the meantime, I can check all the stalls, yep-yep. Although, I coulda sworn when I replaced all the toilet paper yesterday I put it over the roll. Aha, mistakes happen, I reckon. Can't say I ain't been a teeny bit distracted," she confesses with a blush. "Thanks for lettin' me know, Kabuto."

Kabuto resists the urge to gag. "My pleasure, Kichida."

"Oh Kabuto, you don't gotta call me by my last name. Aina's fine, but Kame's better. Everybody calls me that, don't you know."

"I noticed." Kabuto never could stand nicknames. His very name, Kabuto, is but a nickname, granted to him by Nonō and Urushi after the latter had put a helmet on his head to protect it from further harm, as if somehow the first bump he'd gotten on it had been his fault. His real name, whatever it might have been, has been lost in time and space due to circumstances beyond his control.

But he prefers not to think or talk about that point in his life. It's irrelevant, now.

Without that, nicknames are a sign of closeness and affection, neither of which Kabuto feels for Ms. Kichida. Nor does he predict he ever will. Unlike Orochimaru, he refuses to lower himself by feigning feelings for someone inferior to him, even if it is to ultimately destroy this wretched village.

Then again…what would they be doing right now if not wasting their time on this plot? Unlikely anything that much more productive, he concedes with a sigh. Ever since Sasuke left, Orochimaru has gone back to obsessing over Konoha's destruction like never before, coming up with one over-the-top yet petty plot after another. Kabuto would have thought that after spending all that time chasing after Sasuke for his body, he would be obsessed with getting even with that ungrateful Uchiha brat, rather than constantly trying to best the bushy-browed brat that can't even do ninjutsu or genjutsu (as he takes care to tell everyone every episode).

But apparently not so. No one can even say Sasuke's name in the lord's presence without triggering a tantrum from him.

And now they have to work with that nitwit Rock Lee and all his equally nitwit ninja pals every day for who knows how long until Orochimaru can find the perfect opening to launch his attack. Or he comes to what senses he still has and quits. Whichever comes first.

"K-Kabuto? Now you've gotten all quiet," comments Aina. "Is everybody okay?"

Hell no, the other three are tempted to say. But they all prudently bite their tongues and instead let the well-rehearsed lies flow forth.

"It's still fairly early in the morning, Kame. Not everybody's like you: they aren't too chatty when they just get up and eat. Give us some time to, uh, let us digest our breakfast. Then we'll be in a more talkative mood."

"Oh. Yep, that's understandable. Aha! Speakin' of chatting, I wonder if Orochi's here yet? I gotta see him about bringing Manda to my house. I'm drawin' 'im too, don't you know."

"Wh-whoa. You're gonna draw Manda, too? Kame, you do realize that toads and snakes don't exactly get along with each other, right? I don't think Ningame likes snakes either, now that I'm thinking about it."

"Huh? Y-yes, I know they don't. That's why I'm gon' draw everybody separately. But I need to let Orochimaru know what I'm doin'. Okey-dokey! Lemme just write up my list for today, and then I'm off to work." She pulls out her notebook to write/draw her personal reminders of today's tasks.

"There. Ha, y'all have a nice day!"

"Later, Kame," Anko answers, at this point finding herself increasingly unable to mask her impatience. Aina can be so damn slow sometimes, mentally and physically. If one were to play a game of Pictionary™ with her, everyone would have fallen asleep by the time she'd finished her drawing. After all, you can't yell at her to hurry up like you could at most of the other Leaf residents.

"You have a good day also," says Kimimaro, his two ponytails sliding off his shoulders as he bows.

Kabuto, more for the sake of meeting the bare minimum for politeness than anything, says, "Yes, thank you." His sarcasm would be wasted on her, anyway. He says nothing more until he sees her disappear down the hallway and around the corner, whereupon he takes his turn to fold his arms and ask Anko, "So what's this initiation ritual you have in mind? Whatever it is, I suspect that it's something you made up just for us."

Anko cracks her knuckles once more. "Maaaay-be. Don't forget, Lady Tsunade put me in charge. So you two jerks have to do everything I say. Heh-heh, and I mean everything!"

"You're doing it again…"

Kimimaro closes his eyes in steely determination. He'll do everything he can for his master, even obey this terrible woman. To think that she used to be one of Lord Orochimaru's pupils, herself. "Well, out with it. What do you want us to do?"

…

Speaking of Orochimaru, he shows himself to the break room to fix his breakfast. He can't be sure as to whether it'd been intentional, but Guy had taken the last of the eggs for his breakfast (smothered in curry), forcing him to stop on the way to work to buy a new carton. When he'd protested this, all Guy would say on the matter was since the eggs did not have his name on them, they were free for anyone in the house to claim. Not so different from how they ration food at Oto, actually.

So much for being a "nice guy." Or is that act reserved for everyone else but him?

"If you want eggs for yourself, you're going to have to buy your own and write your name on the carton," Guy had told him. "I'm very happy to share a space with you, but you've got to earn your keep. After all, we're not going to be living together forever. Gotta learn to be self-sufficient."

He'd growled, "You say that like I've never done it before."

Guy, unfazed, chuckled back, "And you say that like you still act like you do it."

The only thing stopping him from attempting to throttle his obnoxious roommate was the reminder that doing so would break the truce. He used to be so good at controlling his temper, mostly because hardly anything could arouse it to begin with short of failure. What's happened to him?

Oh, right. Failure is all he's seen lately.

Never mind. He is not going to torture himself with those thoughts. He pulls out a pot from the cabinet over the stove and fills it up with water from the sink. He is about to add three eggs from the carton when Aina comes toddling up to him from behind. He knows it's her because her bare feet have a soft slap to them as they make their way across the floor.

"Good mornin', Orochi," she greets him, all sunshine and flowers, just as she'd been the day before and the day before that. "Makin' breakfast?"

He looks over his shoulder to regard her. "Oh, good morning, Kame. Yes, as a matter of fact, I am."

"Ooh! I see you're cookin' eggs. Can I cook 'em for you? Please? I wanna make up for not gettin' to do it on our date. Plus, I'd like to learn how to make eggs like how you want 'em."

He blinks at her. Even after a week of seeing her, he still finds her kindness, and naïveté, astounding. "Er, sure. Knock yourself out."

"Huh? But if I did that, I wouldn' be able to cook for you."

Right. He can't use figures of speech with her. At least, not without expecting to have to explain them. Apparently no one in this village uses them around her, either. Hard to believe that this woman is actually over 30 years old. "That's another expression. I don't actually want you to knock yourself unconscious."

Because if you did, I'd be the one to take the heat for it.

"I'm giving you permission to do what you want. That's what I mean," he says coolly.

"Oh! Ahaha, that's a peculiar way to say so. Okey-dokey. Thanks, Orochi!" Grinning, Aina takes the carton off the counter and heads for the exit.

"Uh, Kame, where are you going? The stove and pot are right here."

"I know. I'm just goin' outside to check the eggs to see if they're fresh. Jus' like you taught me."

Orochimaru grits his teeth upon realizing what she's about to do. They're his eggs she's going to waste, this time. "W-wait! There's no need to do that. There's another way to check them. A much better way." He beckons her with his finger. "Come back, dear, give those to me and I'll show you."

Aina hesitates for a shake, but can't help but blush when he calls her "dear." She's dear to him. She would obey even if he hadn't dropped that pet name, but calling her so seals the deal. "Huh? Um…hm. Heehee! Okey-dokey." She ambles back to him and hands over the carton.

Orochimaru steps aside to let her watch as he carefully drops his three eggs into the pot. He lets them sink to the bottom before he explains, "All you have to do to check if an uncracked egg is safe to eat is to put it in cold water. A fresh egg will sink to the bottom, while a bad egg will float on top. As you can see, all these eggs have sunken, so they're good."

Aina's eyes widen as she leans in for a closer look and lets this new fact sink in. "Ahhhh. Why do the bad eggs float to the top, Orochi?"

Orochimaru cracks a smirk and tosses his hair. "Gases, my dear. When eggs rot, the proteins inside release gases that make the egg buoyant for as long as the shell is intact. Also, the shell of an old egg is more porous than that of a fresh one, so it would have more air trapped inside it. Finally, as an egg ages it loses water and becomes less dense. Take all of these factors into account, then add water, and voila! You've spotted your bad eggs."

Now he's on a roll. He never could resist showing off his knowledge of this and that. The problem is that he hasn't had many opportunities to do it lately. "Oh yes. You can also tell how fresh an egg is by the manner in which it sinks. A very fresh egg will lie on its side, but slightly older eggs will stand on one end. These eggs are standing up, so they're perfect for hard-boiling. A reclining egg is better suited for frying or scrambling."

"Oh! Would you look at that? They are standin' up. Aha! How wonderful. You're so smart, and so right! I like this way much better, that I do," she gushes, clapping her hands. Then she stops and makes an O-shape with her mouth. "Huh…that's strange."

"What is it?"

"Well now, this way's so much simpler and less wasteful. So, how come you told me to throw the eggs I bought for our date to see if they were good? I coulda just got some water from the sink and checked 'em this way."

Crapcrapcrapcrapcrap. Why didn't he think to do that? Then again, had he had Aina check her eggs this way, he wouldn't have gotten the satisfaction of turning the tables on Anko, or getting some overdue revenge on Rock Lee. But telling her the truth is, needless to say, out of the question.

Just outside the window a crow flies by, chanting, "Ba-kaaaa! Ba-kaaaa!"

Luckily, Orochimaru is good at lying and Aina is very trusting by nature. When you mean everything you say, you tend to assume everyone else does, as well.

"Er, well, I, uh…I was starving when I said that. You see, my mind is slightly less sharp when I'm very hungry. I was so distracted by my desire for eggs that I must have gotten confused when I gave you that suggestion. There's something quite gratifying about the act of breaking eggs, especially when you're craving them like I do. I'm…sssssssorry."

Phew! Hopefully that will be the last time I ever have to say those two words together.

The stars twinkle in her sweet honey-brown eyes like he's the most magical person she's ever met. After watching her hand hover over it, he lets her take his hand, as she's becoming increasingly fond of doing. "Oh, Orochi! Please don't be sorry. I understand completely. It's like Anko said earlier: ain't nobody thinks or feels good when their stomach's rumblin' with hunger. This was a learning experience for both of us, jus' like you said. Now we know better for next time."

"Hah, yes, that's right. Well, now that we've gotten that lesson out of the way, let's hard-boil these eggs, shall we?"

"Yep-yep-yep! And after you eat, if you could please summon Manda for me so I can draw him, I'd appreciate it very much! I'm gonna draw 'im alone, 'cause you know snakes enjoy their space."

"Oh yes, I haven't forgotten." Actually, he did. But of course he's not going to admit that. "You're preaching to the choir."

Aina gasps. "You sing in a choir, too? Golly, you sure are a busybody, Orochi!"

Ugh. "Wh-what? No, that was another expression. I mean, you're telling me things I knew already."

"Oh. Okey-dokey. Let's get a-cookin'!" She turns on the heat under the pot. "Ooh! I wonder if we got any mayonnaise an' onions an' paprika 'round here in this kitchen. Maybe we can make some egg salad? It'll be fresh-n-hot, jus' like how you like it!"

"I appreciate the thought, but I think for today I'd rather eat my eggs plain. Another time, perhaps?"

"That's awright. They're your eggs, aha."

This relationship business is going to take some getting used to, even if Aina is beginning to seem a little more tolerable than he'd thought she would be at first. Still very awkward, yes. Could stand to change a few things. But not totally intolerable. All in good time. He knows well enough to hold off on proposing marriage until at least after his probation is up.

What has he got to worry about? He can last six months! He'll show Tsunade! He'll show Anko, and Kabuto, too! He'll show them all!

Then it happens. He gets so caught up in fantasizing about his evil ambitions coming to fruition, in the visions of this very building burning and crumbling to the ground, that he does the thing that everyone hates, the thing that used to send chills of fear and disgust down everyone's back oh so long ago.

He sticks out his massive serpentine tongue and licks his lips, from right to left.

He realizes this when Aina snaps him out of his daydream with her clapping. "Oh my goodness! What a big tongue you have!"

He blinks and just barely stops himself from biting his tongue in surprise, his pointed canines teasingly pressing into the side of it. "Be'ck your par'on?" Realizing that it's still hanging limp out of the corner of his mouth, he quickly retracts it with a slurp.

"Your tongue. It's so big-n-long-n-wiggly. Ahahaha, it's almost like a snake unto itself!"

That description is not too far off, actually. But what truly takes him by surprise is her reaction to seeing this one of his many quirks. She's not scared or put off by it. If anything, she seems to have found it…cute. Like how others might find a bunny brushing its face cute.

No one has ever seen him whip out his tongue and react that way, before. He's not sure what to make of it. Then again, she hadn't been put off with the snakes he'd launched at her in the shower…

"Poor Orochimaru, you must be so hungry to be licking your lips. Don't you worry, the water's startin' to simmer. Heeheehee! Y'know, Anko sometimes does that, too. Reckon she picked that up from you?"

"D-does she, now?" Damn it, why is he stammering, all of a sudden?

Perhaps because he's unsure whether to be amused, flattered, irritated or depressed by this development. That's how low he's sunken, apparently. Even his tongue doesn't do it, anymore.

Wait a minute. I'm trying to woo her, not scare her away, he reminds himself. And this doesn't prove anything about my reputation. She doesn't know who I am at all. Maybe she really does just find it endearing in its own right? For some reason. What a strange woman…I wonder how she'd take it if she did learn my true identity? Not that there's any rush to let her know.

"Yep. Her tongue's long, too. But not nearly as long as yours. And sometimes she uses it to lick sharp or pointy objects. I worry she'll cut herself doin' that, but it ain't happened yet. My tongue is very short. See?" To demonstrate, Aina squints and pokes out her own fat, little tongue. She can barely reach it over her top lip. After a few seconds of trying, she pulls it back into her mouth and giggles.

Once he squashes down his insecurities, Orochimaru concludes that for whatever reason she finds his tongue attractive, and it would be remiss of him not to take advantage of this. He could see it in the way her eyes dilated when he'd whipped it out. They still are. She's still smiling at him.

He leans against the counter, props himself on his elbows, and narrows his eyes. Pulling out all the stops to look as enticing as possible. "Well, well. It would seem you like it when I pull out my tongue," he says with a wicked smirk, tilting his chin up so he can get his hair falling off his shoulders just right.

Aina, blind to his intentions, nods. "I think it's pretty neat, yep. Just like everything else about you, aha!"

His chuckle matches his smirk. "My dear, that's only a glimpse of what I'm capable of. Watch this." Noticing her look to the direction of the table where the condiments sit, he stretches out his tongue even longer than before. Taking care not to touch her, he circles it once around her chubby waist, prompting her to shoot her clenched fists up in the air with a squeal. He keeps stretching it all the way to the table, where he wraps the tip of it around the salt shaker before pulling it back the way he'd steered it.

Aina is absolutely enthralled, her eyes straining to keep up with his tongue as it slithers back to his lips. He drops the salt shaker in his open palm, holding it up for her to see like it's a trophy, but not too high up in the air because he's got to maintain some air of humility at the same time.

Now free, she bounces in place and claps even harder, laughing as heartily as she ever has. "H-holy frogs! My goodness, that was amazing! Marvelous! If I had a tongue like that, ain't nothin' would be outta my reach!"

"Mm-hmhm. You'd be right to think so, Kame. Nothing is out of my reach." He scoots over oh so casually to reiterate his point with a whisper, "Nothing."

He's not sure if she understands what he means by that. Honestly, he's not entirely sure what he's referring to, either. His words can be interpreted a number of ways. But he's always had a knack for improv and either way, she's eagerly lapping it up.

The blush returns to her face full force, turning it the color of the darkest, healthiest beet. "Heeheehee, oh you!"

"Aw, yuck! What the hell are you two doing?"

The pair break apart to see Anko in the doorway. She's still wearing the Hokage's hat—which looks too large and plain ridiculous on her head, by the way, and no, he's not just making sour grapes of it—but this time she's slouched on a makeshift throne on a stretcher carried by a disgruntled Kabuto in the front and Kimimaro in the back.

Orochimaru can see his right-hand man turning red from the neck up with quiet fury. What with having to spend every day with the woman, he can't necessarily blame him. Kimimaro merely tilts his head and peers out from behind the chair, curious. The latter has never seen his master flirt with anyone before. It's an unusual way to go about it, but as long as they're both enjoying it, he finds no problem here otherwise.

"I believe we are courting," Aina replies gleefully, oblivious to their revulsion. "What're you doing, Anko? How come you got Kabuto-n-Kimimaro carryin' you 'round on a chair?"

"What, this? Uh, this is part of their initiation. I'm testing their upper-body strength. Gotta be strong to be a ninja, you know." She swings her legs over the right arm of the chair and lightly kicks them around. "I thought you had a birdhouse to put up? And what about the gutter?"

"Oh! Already did 'em. I'm gonna look over all the bathrooms, soon. Orochi, the water's boilin'. Your eggs should be ready soon."

"Hm. So they are. Now we cover them, remove them from the heat and let them sit aside for ten minutes. After that, we drain, rinse them with cold water, and peel the shells."

"I got it!" The two briefly resume ignoring the other three as Aina does what Orochimaru tells her to.

"So, er, when did you want me to summon Manda for his modeling appointment?"

"Would ten o'clock work for you? In front of the schoolyard?"

"Sure. But won't that be cutting rather close to your eleven o'clock opponent with Naruto and Guy? Manda is a large snake, after all, and I know you like to take your time with these things."

"Nah, don't you worry. I've got it all planned out."

Aina is like one of the many plants she grows. When you look at her, it seems she's doing nothing. But somehow when your back is turned, she flourishes and produces many good things in due time.

"Would you like me to peel the eggs for you, Orochi?"

"Oh, no, thank you. You should probably see to the bathrooms. I'll show you how to peel eggs later, though. I'll take it from here."

"Okay. Orochi? Before I go, I'd like to nuzzle you. Can I?"

Now she wants to bump noses? Where did this come from?

She looks so hopeful for an affirmative answer that he almost feels sorry for her. Almost. But then, he supposes bumping noses is less intimate than a hug or a kiss, it would count towards their flirting, and it would look bad for him to say no in front of Anko. So he concedes. "Go right ahead, Kame, darling."

"Yippee!" Before long, she's rubbing the tip of her big crooked nose against his narrow sloping one, humming all through it. Quite gently for someone who speaks so robustly. Soft brown on hard white. He wills himself to return the gesture at least slightly. Anko is watching with her sharp smoky eyes, after all.

Kabuto closes his own so he doesn't have to watch. Kimimaro blinks.

Then it's over. "See you later, Orochi! Have a nice day."

"Uh…yes, you too."

She turns to Anko, then. "I reckon I understand the need to test them, but please don' have 'em carry you 'round all day. Make sure they get to rest in between tests."

The Fifth-and-one-half Hokage stretches her arms over her head and then inserts a pinkie into her ear. "Yeah, yeah, I know. Lady Tsunade put me in charge for a reason. Awright, you two. Move over so Kame can get out."

Now Orochimaru is alone and at the mercy of his former student. Aina won't be coming back to shield him for a while. What heinous things has the vengeance in her heart brewed for him? "You look ridiculous in that hat, Anko. It doesn't suit you at all. I can't fathom why Tsunade would make you her replacement, of all people. Even I'm more qualified."

After looking over her shoulder to check that Aina is gone, she blows a raspberry. "That's Lady Anko to you, old man. And I know you're just saying that 'cause you're jealous that you wanted the job and got tossed aside like trash for someone better. Now hurry up with those eggs. I'm sending you over to Ibiki for your first assignment."

The mention of that name sends a mild jolt through him, the emotion behind it ineffable. It figures she would put him in T and I, with a man who happens to especially hate him. Then again, who doesn't hate him, these days?

It also does not escape his notice that Anko has just paraphrased something he'd once said to her in the Forest of Death all those years ago, during the Chūnin Exams, when he'd given Sasuke his cursed seal. Whether she'd meant to do that or not, he can't discern. Does it matter, anyway?

Anko pulls out one of the sticks that used to carry dango on it and starts to scrape under her nails with it. They're starting to look rather dirty. Normally she wouldn't care so much, but for the rest of the week she is the Fifth-and-one-half Hokage. "Hey, while I'm thinking about it, I've got another idea to make this even more official." She licks her lips in anticipation. "Where's Yamato? Hey, Yamato! Come on out. I need you to make a slight modification to Hokage Rock."

Kabuto twists his neck to slide a glare up to her. "Letting the power go to your head already, Mitarashi?"

Kimimaro says nothing but maintains his center and keeps observing. For someone who supposedly hates Lord Orochimaru, Anko shares more than a few quirks with him, doesn't she?