Chapter 2: The Coolest Girl

She was here.

She was here.

Sasuke mouth flopped open and closed, trying to process the horrifying reality of what he faced…

No, this is impossible how is she here she can't be here this place is hidden she couldn't have found it there's no way it's real there's nowayit'srealnowayit's-

Yes. What was happening in front of him couldn't be real. It couldn't be real, because something so awful couldn't possibly happen. After all he'd been good for all these past years. He had listened to his sensei, kept up his daily training, worked to protect his comrades and honor the memories of those who had fallen, diligently repaid his debts, never indulged in any of the three shinobi vices, had made his bed and had cleaned his room every day, just like his mother had always told him to.

So why would something so horrible be happening?

Sasuke's mind twisted around the obvious impossibility of his situation, bending like a piece of plywood in a clamp, twisting and twisting before splintering down the center.

Then the answer appeared to him, a ray of light from the heavens.

This wasn't happening. That was it. It was all just a dream! A nightmare! And one of the most terrifying ones yet. Yes, there was no other possible explanation. No. Other.

"Ahahahaha!" He laughed out loud in a fashion that was definitely not at all forced. "Yes, I see. That is it. It is a dream! Because there is no possible way this could be reality. No way at all. Thus I simply must awaken from it! Ahahahahaha!"

Yamato stared. Sai stared. Naruko let out a moan of pleasure at the sound of his voice. Sakura watched him with eyes filled with the sort of pity one normally reserved for an abused puppy.

A rapturous, certainly not even slightly unhinged, smile spread across Sasuke's face. He sheathed his sword with one hand, reaching back to fumble with his pouch with the other, drawing out a knife.

Then he drove it into his own hand. Blood poured from the wound like a fountain, and a lance of pain ran up his nerves.

He looked up.

She was still there. An expression of covetous, angelic glee on her face, blinding him to the confusion that paralyzed Yamato and Sai. Sakura understood though. She understood all too well.

"Oh, how strange," he pronounced, just as stiff- completely naturally as before. "It appears I am still not awake. Ahahahahahaha!"

He twisted the kunai once. Twice. She was still there. For a moment, reality threatened to crash Sasuke's illusion, reaching out to drag him to the real world. Sasuke grabbed reality by the arm, twisted it behind its back, and then held a knife to its throat, because he wasn't going down quite yet.

"O-Of course!" He exclaimed, in a voice that was definitely not tinged with any hint of sudden desperation at all. "W-when was the last time that hurting yourself in a dream woke you up? I was simply stabbing my dream self! My real body is not hurt! It is unharmed! And definitely not near Naruko! A-ahahahahahaha!"

And then reality stomped down on his foot, broke his grip, spun around and kicked him in the balls.

"Oh, darling!" Naruko cried, jumping forward and throwing her arms around him. "What did that evil, evil Orochimaru do to you to make you hurt yourself like this?" She tightened her grip on him and he squealed like a stuck pig. "Don't worry! I'm here for you, and now, we'll neeeeever be apart again!"

Denied his last, pitiful defence against the unrelenting truth, his mind collapsed utterly.

Undeterred by the sudden, empty look in his eyes, the way his mouth flopped open and closed like a dead fish's, or his complete lack of movement, even in his breathing, Naruko simply smiled happily and inhaled deeply, taking in his musky scent. Then she seemed to notice his hand, still dripping blood all over the ground.

"Oh, Sasuke! You're still hurt!" She broke the embrace and caught his hand. "Don't worry, I'll stop the bleeding!" She said, eyes shining with resolve and a sudden gleam of something else Sasuke's broken psyche was unable to place.

Sasuke's response was as broken as his hopes and dreams, a stream of noises unrecognizable as anything human.

"Still trying to act strong for me, even in a situation like this! I'm falling in love with you all over again, dar-ling~!" And as she spoke, she raised his injured hand to his lips, eyeing it like a particularly sweet dessert.

Then she brought it over and put it in her mouth. She ran her tongue over his fingers, accomplishing little, just smearing the blood. But that was fine, because her tongue simply ran over that spot again. And again. Again. As many times as it took.

Sasuke was awoken by a strange pressure around his hand, and an insistent swiping at his injuries. Immediately, he was prepared for the violent struggle soon to ensue, as soon as he discovered what animal had his hand trapped-

Naruko let out a deep, aroused moan, opening her mouth as she looked up at him. Her teeth and tongue glistened with his blood, as red as her cheeks and hair. She swirled her tongue around, swishing and mixing it in with her saliva.

Then she closed her mouth and gulped, swallowing it all.

Sasuke completely lost any remaining semblance of calm. That said calm had come from him being catatonic was immaterial.

"NONONONONO GETOFF GETOFF GET OOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFFFF!"

He tried to twist around and throw her over his shoulder but she didn't break her grip on his arm, holding onto it with her almost unnatural strength. He lost his balance and they tumbled to the ground with her right under him, their faces just inches apart.

Sasuke tried to push himself up and away from her, but she spread her legs, locking them around his waist and pulling him straight down.

"Ahhhhhhhh~" she moaned, saliva dripping from one corner of her mouth, her eyes glassy with pleasure. "Pushing me down like this in front of everyone… you were so happy to see me after all this time?" She released his arm, bringing her hands up to cover blushing cheeks. "How shameless! I'm embarrassed, so embarrassed! But…"

Her hands came up to wrap around his neck and her legs tightened. Sasuke felt his spine creak like an old wooden chair. He felt his body begin to buckle, his face inching closer and closer to hers. He tried to put strength into his arms to resist her pull, but they quickly began to bend as gravity and her monstrous physical strength combined to form an irresistible force.

The distance between their faces closed. Four inches, three, two, one…

The muscles of the Uchiha's arms were trembling with the sheer effort of his futile resistance. He could feel his tendons about to tear from the strain he was putting on them. His lips hovered centimeters above hers now, so close that he could taste the iron on her breath.

"If you missed me so much that you can't hold yourself back anymore, I don't mind making our first child in front of an audience~"

An utter, all-consuming terror more profound than any he had ever experienced before rushed through Sasuke's veins, and that terror lent him the strength he needed.

At once, he let out a high-pitched shriek, like the sound of a thousand adorable puppies being slaughtered, and his skin erupted in electricity.

XXX

Kabuto winced as the inhuman noise reached his ears.

Was that… Sasuke?

He felt the slightest pang of a guilty conscience, and turned to his master.

"Orochimaru-sama," he asked. "Should we… perhaps go back for him? No man could possibly deserve such a fate."

"Oh? Go back? Fate? You do make such amusing jokes, Kabuto." Orochimaru chuckled. "Why, pray tell, is our aid even necessary? Sasuke is more than able to take care of himself."

Kabuto blinked. "But that scream-"

Orochimaru smiled. "Come now, Kabuto. You know as well as I that that scream could not have been Sasuke," he said, and let out an awkward, strained half-chuckle, the sound of a man desperately trying to convince himself that what he said would become true if he simply repeated it enough times. "Sasuke would never scream. You have known him for three years! He has never expressed such overt terror in front of us in all that time! Why ever would he start now? It does not make sense!"

Kabuto stared.

"What you heard was obviously something completely different." The Snake glanced around. "Such a high-pitched scream could never have come from Sasuke's lungs" He nodded. "Yes. The conclusion is obvious and incontrovertible. What you heard was the terror in the voices of his former teammates when they realized what they were facing. There is no other possible explanation."

And that was when another shriek pierced Kabuto's ears, followed by an entreating scream.

"SAVE ME OROCHIMARU-SENSEI!"

Orochimaru looked at Kabuto.

Kabuto looked at Orochimaru.

"I am… almost completely certain that that was Sasuke," Kabuto said at last.

Orochimaru flinched noticeably, but rapidly regained his composure.

"Ku… Kukuku, truly Kabuto, you are simply full of amusing jokes today. But do you know what isn't amusing?"

Kabuto frowned and tilted his head quizzically.

"The fact," he said, "that we are still close enough to hear it."

Kabuto pondered.

Perhaps there was some merit in his own argument, but Orochimaru also made a compelling case. After a moment's hesitation, Kabuto turned around to give his response.

And then realized that he had already been left in the dust.

'Orochimaru-sama… truly you never fail to astound me. You managed to understand my thoughts without even having to hear me speak!'

Increasing his speed, the medic shot forward, trying to keep pace with his master.

He didn't even flinch when the next scream reached his ears.

XXX

For a bare instant as the current of lightning around his body touched them, Naruko's arms around his neck convulsed, their grip slackening.

It was more than enough. Unable to hear anything else over the sounds of his own screams, Sasuke forced as much strength into his upper body as he could muster and pushed himself up, breaking her grip around his neck.

He fell, landing on his back, his screams cut off as the air rushed out of his lungs. Scrambling as quickly as he could, he got to one knee.

Unfortunately, as soon as he did, he saw that she was rising as well. It was slow, her muscles still obviously unresponsive as electricity crackled over her skin.

But despite that, he saw her lips moving.

Sa-su-ke~

The young Uchiha shrieked, and charged her, his hand singing with lightning. He needed to end her, he needed to stop her, to stab her straight through her heart-

Then he realized.

His Sharingan captured the scene with perfect clarity. She couldn't evade, she was still stunned. She was defenseless. She was smiling. Smiling in anticipation, a faint trickle of drool trailing from the corner of her mouth.

Why. Why was she smiling. Why was she-

The world slowed to a crawl around him as his mind worked a hundred, a thousand times faster than it ever had before.

I am going to stab her in the heart with a Chidori, and she is smiling.

Or rephrased...

I am going to run my arm through her chest, and she is smiling.

And then, he realized.

I am going to ram my long, hard, thick appendage through her pink folds and into the deepest part of her body while she smiles in euphoria.

Sasuke instantly aborted the attack, the lightning fizzling out on his hand. It wasn't a conscious decision. He simply had known in that instant, with every cell of his body that if he had continued through with it as planned, he would have lost something extremely important to him, something he would never have been able to get back.

Unfortunately, while he was able to dispel the jutsu, his own momentum was another thing altogether. Sasuke slammed into something, falling over as he did and hitting his head

He shook his head, trying to clear his vision. He pushed down, trying to rise, but instead, his left hand encountered something…

Soft?

What was this?

Sasuke squeezed once, trying to get a grip on the strangely yielding object. It felt... nice. The texture was light, spongy, like a mid-sized feather pillow. And it fit perfectly in his hand, like it was made for it.

He squeezed again.

"Iyan~"

He froze as he understood.

I was aiming for her heart, but I stopped the chidori, so this is-

Slowly, feeling like some inexorable force was forcing him up, he raised his head.

"I thought all this time you were so shy, playing hard to get… but you were just waiting all this time to surprise me! Sasuke, you're so bold~!"

He couldn't even scream. The pure terror was so great that he couldn't move his lips to form sounds.

"Are you speechless with happiness?" she asked. "Don't worry, darling!"

Sasuke desperately tried to form words, to say anything that would make her stop, but all that escaped his mouth was a sound like that made by a kitten being given its first bath.

"Ssssshhhhh…" she whispered. "You don't need to say anything."

Her hands began reaching towards his head.

"Soon, neither of us is going to be speaking~"

And Sasuke crossed a threshold. There was no time for terror. There was no time for fear. Like a sailor facing down a massive shark, he couldn't let her touch him. If she did, he would-

Sasuke channeled his chakra, and from within his sleeves shot out two great white snakes, each wrapping around Naruko's arms and binding them to her body. Sasuke leapt away, this time landing on his feet.

"Ahn~" she moaned. "So aggressive! I didn't know you were into this sort of play, dar-ling~"

He couldn't win. He could see that, now. No matter what he threw at her, she at most, barely slowed down. She was too strong, too resilient, too much. She was beyond him.

He had to run. He had to escape her, to find another place where she wouldn't be able to find him. Sasuke spun, preparing his flight, and in that moment, he tasted true despair.

The three other members of the team which had been dispatched after him had taken advantage of his distraction to cut off his escape.

He whirled from side to side, searching for something, anything, some escape route he could take advantage of, even as he heard the snakes binding Naruko's arm beginning to hiss in pain as her arms strained against the binds.

There was nothing, there was nothing, there was-

He saw it. There, in the corner, immaculate despite the destruction that had been wrought throughout the chamber, pristine, unbroken.

The Shrine to his dear friends, the ones who had sacrificed themselves for his sake, so that he could escape. A single ray of light that had reached him, in this darkest nightmare.

Sasuke froze, he stopped struggling, simply remembering.

"Man, this little clod, running away from some girl." Jirobo laughed. "Maybe we have the wrong guy? There's no way Orochimaru-sama would pick someone so pathetic as his next vessel."

'Jirobo… On that day, your words were harsh, but even then, I understood the meaning behind them. You were pushing me forward, teaching to face my own weakness, to overcome my fear.'

'From Jirobo, I learned the meaning of courage.'

But what was he doing now? He was no different from that day, three years ago. Back then, he had fled her, desperate for any way to escape the madness that had been revealed to his eyes. He was not trying to fight the unreasonable reality of his situation. He simply ran and ran and ran.

No more.

He turned to face Naruko. She was speaking.

"-and after I'm pregnant, we'll go back to Konoha and get married! Everyone will be there, and when our first child is born, we'll name him-"

"N-No," Sasuke stuttered.

Naruko froze.

"What… did you… say?" she asked, her voice a deadly whisper.

He squared his shoulders and spoke again.

"No," he repeated, and this time his voice didn't tremble. "I'm not going back to Konoha with you."

For a few seconds, there was complete silence. Sasuke felt his hands beginning to tremble as he continued to meet her gaze, but he refused to waver.

Then Naruko laughed. "Ahahahahaha! I see now! You want me to stay here and get married in Sound!" She pouted. "Why Sasuke, there's no need to sca-"

Another voice echoed in his head as she spoke.

"Heh, if this was a game, this little idiot would be stuck at level 1."

'Kidomaru, you taught me that a single failure does not define a man for his life. Back then, I was indeed a weakling, stuck at level 1. However, just like in a game, if you fail the first time, all you need to do is try again and again until you succeed! And now, I have tried, so I will try again and again until she understands!

'From Kidomaru, I learned the value of perseverance.'

"No," he said once again, more forceful this time. "I don't want you to stay with me either. I don't want to be anywhere near you!" His voice was rising. "You're-"

Schleck.

The snakes binding Naruko's arms were torn to pieces as a crimson cloak of chakra formed momentarily around Naruko's body, two tails waving behind her. Sasuke felt a splatter of gore strike his face, and forced himself not to flinch.

"Hmph. Your bones are rather low-pitched aren't they? I really want to hear them produce some higher notes the next time I hit you!"

'Sakon, Ukon… you taught me that there is a way to find beauty in all things, even the most brutal and terrifying. Sometimes, we are forced to endure things that no one should be able to enjoy. And yet, if we must undergo these experiences anyways, then is it not then laudable, being able to find pleasure in them?"

'From Sakon and Ukon, I learned the importance of a good attitude.'

He was scared. He was so very, very scared. He could barely stop himself from shaking in terror. But...his friends were with him. He had thought they were gone, sacrificing themselves. He had been wrong. The lessons they taught him...the memories they shared...they were still with him, strengthening him. They had been at his side all along.

With them, with nowhere to run-he could stand against her. He had to.

And more than that, he had Orochimaru. Sasuke's burden was light as a feather compared to the one his teacher would soon take upon himself. Just once. Just this once, he had to endure it, and then-

Despite everything, the corners of his lips twitched up momentarily.

Naruko stepped forward once, then twice.

"Sasuke…" she said, and her voice was a flat monotone. No cajoling, no playful lilt or flirtatious teasing. Her eyes were dead, set in a face devoid of any kind of warmth, any remnant of mercy, or even humanity. "This joke isn't funny. Please stop."

Sasuke shook his head. "I'm not joking," he said quietly, but firmly.

A frozen moment. He heard a very loud gulp from Sakura's direction.

Then-

"SASSSUUUUKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

An eruption of crimson chakra around her body. Naruko crouched on all fours, three tails of chakra swirling around her.

Sasuke stood before her, readying himself. He knew what had to be done, now more than ever. Chakra surged through his body, and he remembered the words of another of his friends.

"... fuck off."

'Tayuya… you were always concise.'

He spun on his heel and sprinted directly away from the beast before him, screaming in terror. Out of the corner of his eye, he noted that the brown-haired ANBU captain who had been blocking his escape route a moment earlier was already following his example, turning tail and leaping away.

'Yes… from Tayuya, I learned the importance of fast, tactical retreats.'

Unfortunately, he wasn't fast enough. Something smashed into him from behind, sending him flying straight through the air to crash into the ground on his back fifty feet away, driving a furrow in the earth behind him.

Before he could even begin to rise, she was on top of him, the crimson cloak fading as she pinned him to the ground.

"Ahahahhahaha!" Her laughter was filled with nothing more than rotting, poisonous insanity now. "A world where Sasuke doesn't love me is worthless garbage. Thus the world needs Sasuke to love me otherwise the world shouldn't exist so I'll break Sasuke's arms and legs and I'll take him back to Konoha and I'll feed him and care for him for years and years and years and then he'll love me and he'll never ever be able to leave and-"

Sasuke closed his eyes. He had lost. Despite his best efforts, he hadn't even stood a chance. She had beaten him, and now, he would never be free from her.

'My friends…'

She brought up a kunai, ready to bring it down hilt first on his left elbow, to shatter the arm.

A single teardrop traced its way down the Uchiha's cheek.

'I'm so sorr-'

A massive tremor blew the ground beneath them to shards, sending them both flying apart to land thirty feet apart from each other.

'What?'

Sasuke shook his head and looked up to see Sakura, her fist still embedded into the bottom of a newly-formed crater, just a foot away from where Naruko had been holding him a moment before.

Unfortunately, Naruko too had seen what had happened.

"Sakura-chan…" she whispered. "So you've betra-"

Sasuke remembered.

"..."

'Kimimaro… you were never the most talkative of people, and yet from you, I learned the most important lesson of all about words. Their power is not determined by how often you use them, but when.'

'Yes… from Kimimaro, I learned the importance of timing.'

Sasuke reared back and let out the evillest laugh he could muster.

"Muhahahahahahaha! So, Sakura! You saw through my evil trick did you not? You acted to save Naruko, and keep me from poisoning her with that poisoned kunai I had hidden in my right hand which I was planning on poisoning her with, and which was utterly destroyed in that attack you just made! Muhahahahahaha!"

Sakura's eyes widened for a moment, before she seemed to understand. "Y-yes! That is it exactly!" she called back. "You fiend! What has happened to you in this time with Orochimaru?! You would never have done something so dastardly when we last saw you!" She brought her hands up to her cheeks and gasped dramatically. "No… It cannot be! Orochimaru must have… brainwashed you!"

"D-darling is being brainwashed?" Naruko asked, her eyes suddenly clearing of that insane light. "S-so that's why he was being so cold earlier!" She clenched her fist. "Don't worry, Sasuke! I'll definitely save you, and then…" she giggled coquettishly.

"Hah!" Sasuke laughed. "You think I'm brainwashed? Fools! This is my true form! This is how I really feel!"

"That's exactly what you would say…" Sakura leveled her finger dramatically. "If you were brainwashed!"

And then he felt droplets of water strike his shoulders from above. He looked up, and felt the sky rumble as bolts of lightning began arcing from the clouds.

'Of course! I launched all of those fire Ninjutsu into the sky when I was fighting Sai, and now…'

Sasuke laughed once again. "Hmph, brainwashed or not, none of it matters! For while you may have stopped my first secret technique, there is no possible way you can stand against this second one!"

"Second secret technique?!" Sakura cried, seemingly genuinely confused now.

"Yes!" Sasuke cried, and raised his left hand to the heavens. He needed to sell his act, which meant…

"Oh radiant beast which sleeps within the turbulent storm!" He cried, projecting his voice with chakra so that it drowned out even the sound of the thunder. "Oh mighty ruler of the skies! Oh legendary arbiter of righteous vengeance! Grant me the strength of your hammer, the power to crush the twisted logic of this world!"

An arc of lightning shot from his hand, caressing the storm above them.

"The first fire was birthed of the storm!" he cried. "And from that fire came the first light upon the world of man!" Power swirled in the skies above, all of it heeding his calls. It seemed as though the more he spoke, the greater the thunder became. "Now from my hand, the progenitor of earthly light shall be forged into a sword of destruction!"

Facing him, Sakura and Naruko, one obviously completely bewildered, the other with shining eyes, stared as the winds were whipped into a frenzy. Sai, who had come up behind Sakura just seconds before, was furiously drawing something on a scroll taller than he was.

"Come, oh blade of brilliant justice, and destroy my enemies with the roar of thunder!"

And he brought his hand down.

"KIRIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNN!"

A bolt of lightning, containing the condensed energy of the entire thunderstorm lanced into the ground directly between Sasuke and the three members of the retrieval team.

The earth exploded, kicking up a storm of dirt and rocks. The three members of the retrieval team were blown backwards like leaves in the wind, stunned and blinded by the debris. There was a massive rustling as thousands of birds in the nearby forest flew into the sky.

"WHERE IS HE?" Naruko shouted, arms raised around her protectively. "I CAN'T SEE HIM ANYWHERE!"

"I DON'T KNOW!" Sakura called back just as loudly. "I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING EITHER!"

"WHY ARE YOU TWO YELLING?" Sai yelled.

"I CAN'T HEAR VERY WELL RIGHT NOW!" Naruko called back.

"WE NEED TO BE SILENT!" Sakura roared. "HE'LL BE ABLE TO TRACK US BY NOISE!"

Naruko gasped. "THAT'S A GOOD IDEA!" She called back, then quieted.

A minute passed. Then two.

"WHERE IS HE?" Sai asked.

"Sai, you don't have to yell anymore." Sakura admonished. "I think her hearing is back to nor-"

"WHAT WAS THAT?" Naruko called from right next to her. Sakura winced.

"... Never mind."

The dust began to settle, the furious winds ebbing and abating. At last, their vision cleared to reveal-

-nothing.

Sakura blinked.

Naruko furiously spun, searching for him, sniffing the air as if she was a dog.

Sai just kept smiling.

As one of her teammates began to dig into the dirt next to her, Sakura sighed.

"Sasuke…" she muttered under her breath.

"You are so lame."

XXX

Sasuke hit the ground running, allowing his Cursed Seal transformation to recede as he increased his speed.

His eyes rapidly moved around, taking in everything in his environment, searching for minor tells. Orochimaru and Kabuto must have left earlier. Otherwise, there was no way they wouldn't have come to aid him. And with them gone, they could be anywhere. He needed to find them, to warn them that the base had been lost.

Luckily, there was no doubt a trail of clues and signals his mentor had left behind, to guide him to safety. Finding them wouldn't take long for him with his Sharingan.

Sasuke shivered.

'I… Back there, I was nearly… If… if she hadn't…'

He bit his lip as he continued trembling.

"Sakura… You are truly…" he whispered, then raised his fist to the sky in a solemn salute.

"The Coolest Girl!"

A/N: Well that took a while.

A massive thanks to Fancy Face for his help with this chapter, and with this story in general.