Disclaimer: I own neither the characters or the series.

"Ren, have you ever booped before?"

Lie Ren suppressed the urge to sigh but failed.

So it was one of those days.

One of those days meant a day where Nora would somehow break into the heavily guarded sugar supply.

One of those days meant a day where Pyrrha would gain a sudden burst of courage to ask Jaune on a date and be on edge the whole time.

One of those days meant a day when their leader would ask him something related to his gaming semblance becuause who knew living on a farm would lead to never playing any video games.

One of those days meant that he couldn't continue reading the book he had planned to read during the first day of classes.

"By Boop, you mean...?"

"You know...," Jaune made a crude gesture of making a circle with one hand then inserting his other hand's finger into said hole. "...sex."

Yes, it was just another day for Lie Ren.

Putting away his book, Ren stood up and moved to his cabinet. Maybe next time, Momo-chan.

"I'll get the towels."

For some reason or another, the locker room had become their place to talk.

Ren wasn't really a firm believer of manly traditions. Things like rodeos, monster trucks, or whatever men considered traditional were things he'd rather avoided.

However, the locker room thing just sorta happened. Most of the time, it even felt like they were the only two who used the locker room.

Whatever the case, here he was, only in a towel, with Jaune slouching next to him, also only in a towel.

"So anyways...Booping."

Ren held up a hand to stop his friend. "Can we, can we not use booping to describe sex?"

He shuddered to think what happened if Nora would misunderstand the word.

"Okay, then how should I call it?," Jaune asked.

"Sex. Sex is fine, Jaune." Ren paused. "The term, I mean. Just use the term sex."

"So I take it..."

"No, Jaune. I haven't had sex yet." The moment the last word left his mouth, Ren already regretted it.

"Yet, eh? So you do want to do it but the question is who? I bet it starts with N and ends with-"

"Jaune," Ren interrupted. "Do you want to do this or not?"

"Ren...I never knew how you felt about-"

"Okay, I'm leaving."

"Wait!" Ren moved to get up but was them stopped by Jaune who had grabbed his towel as that was the only thing he could grab.

The whole thing looked like a scene from one of Blake's books. Not that Ren would know of that.

They both stared at each other in silence before Ren slowly, slowly, sat back down.

"Well, anyways," Jaune started." So I think I've had sex but I'm honestly not sure."

Ren raised an eyebrow. "You think?"

"Yeah." The blonde rubbed the back of his head, his expression one of a man stumped. "Like, I'm pretty sure I did the deed but I'm not sure if I actually did."

"You mean you were premature or it went in wrong?"

"No! Nothing like that." Jaune's face was one of exasperation and desperation. "Let me tell you about me and Pyrrha."

"Oh boy." Ren rolled his eyes.

Everyone had known about how he and Pyrrha shacked up. It wasn't that either of the two had went out of their way to express it or that their activities had been loud or public.

No. It was that, right after, Pyrrha spent most of the day with the shiniest, glossiest, most satisfied face to ever come across Beacon.

Ruby had even been blinded by a stray reflection of light which caused her to hit a wall.

"So I won't bore you on the details, but there we were by ourselves on a mission..."

...

Jaune held Pyrrha in his arms. She was the girl who had believed in him from the very start and now, as they both lied on the bed the inn had provided for them, he knew he had to do something.

Maybe it was the moonlight, maybe it was the romance, maybe it was that weird stuff Pyrrha had slipped into his drink, but right now, Jaune Arc wanted Pyrrha Nikos.

He looked into her emerald eyes and saw shyness yet also expectation.

"Jaune..." Pyrrha moaned, almost hungrily.

Without hesitation, Jaune moved himself closer to Pyrrha and-

Found himself in an empty plain.

"Wait. What?"

A wind blew across him, and from above Jaune heard a faint whistling.

He looked up to see arrows. Hundreds of them. Aimed right at him.

He tried to move but when he did he felt a sudden pain in his heel.

A second later, what could have been a hundred arrows pierced Jaune's body. Some went through their targets like his limbs , but others stuck, likening his body to a pin cushion.

As his bloodied body fell, Jaune could already here the whistling of the next volley coming closer.

He could only whisper, with a blood leaking from his mouth.

"What the-"

"-hell?"

"That was wonderful, Jaune," Pyrrha sighed in content as she snuggled up to him.

Jaune blinked and reasessed his surroundings.

No desert. No arrows. No wounds.

Below him, was a seemingly naked Pyrrha with a very satisfied look on her face.

...

"...What?" Ren could only stare at his friend in disbelief. What kind of story was that?

"It's true!" Jaune looked at him desperately, too desperately to be lying. "I mean, one second I'm about to make love the next I'm dying then I'm back and too tired to continue."

"At least Pyrrha was happy."

"That's not the point!"

"Are you sure this wasn't a one time thing? Maybe a hallucination?"

"I'm pretty sure. After that whole dying thing, I decided to try sparring with someone else. You know, maybe I just need the space?"

"Makes sense." Ren nodded.

"So I started sparring with Yang. Then one thing led to another..."

...

Yang placed a hand on Jaune's chest as she straddled his torso, her unnatural body heat unbearably close to his own very very natural heat.

"So, you want to surrender yet, Jauney boy?"

Her lilac eyes were blazing, daring him, to say no.

Feeling cheeky, Jaune answered., "I don't know, Yang. Is the lesson over?"

The female blond pressed herself harder against him and leans down, her mounds teasingly hang less than an inch above his chest.

"What do you say we have a lesson on rodeo?"

Jaune cranes his head up to-

Arrive in a wooden house.

"What? Again?"

The place was different at least. It wasn't some open field so no arrows.

It was just a normal house. Nonit was actually pretty big. Not really for giants but one for bigger than average people.

"Grrrr"

Jaune slowly turned around to see what happened to be a bear. Not just one but three.

"Holy-gurk!"

A giant paw of pure muscle slammed him across the house, breaking both furniture and bone.

He's only given a second to cough up blood before the bears jump and start mauling on him like a ragdoll.

Their claws tear steel and flesh. Their teeth cut flesh and bone. Their paws crush bone and organs.

He was definitely going to-

"Jaune...That...was...Amazing." Yang Xiao Long heavily breathed.

Jaune blinked. He was back and spent, both body and mind.

Yang just hugged him closer, her higher than normal body temperature warming his own.

...

"Okay, so we definitely know it isn't a one time thing." Ren nodded, thinking of the problem on why his friend had weird sex dreams. Or dreams during sex. Whatever.

He turned to Jaune with a serious look on his face.

"Jaune, as a child, were you..."

"Oh god, no!" Jaune's face is one of disgust at what Ren was implying. "At least, I hope not."

"Well, why don't you tell me what happened with Weiss?"

"How do you know something happened with Weiss?"

Ren just gave Jaune a pointed look. Then pointed to the suspiciosly fluffy looking and classy light blue towel wrapped around Jaune's waist.

That had "Property of Weiss Schnee" embroided on it.

"Okay, fine. So Weiss and I were talking strategy in the library one day..."

...

Papers and notebooks fell to the floor in a disarray as Weiss laid sprawled on the library's table.

"What do you think, you're doing Arc?"

Her eyes glared at him invitingly and on her mouth, what should have been a frown of anger, was a dangerous smile.

Jaune didn't reply and instead opted to grab both of her wrists and hold them above her head.

They both knew she could summon a Glyph beneath him in a second.

He moved close, close enough that they were practically exchanging breaths.

"What I should have done long time ago."

Jaune then moved down to capture-

An apple.

He had bitten an apple for some reason.

And, boy, did it burn. His mouth felt like it was on fire and was melting away.

He dropped the apple which just dissolved on the ground into a green bubbling toxic puddle.

That was when more apples started falling on him, their acidic skin burning away the flesh they touched.

His skin and insides were being assulted by a whirlpool of poison, acid, and pain.

There was nothing that would be left of him except his bones-

"Arc, that was very satisfactory." purred a very naked Weiss below him.

"It...um, sounded great." agreed a Velvet who had been stuck under the table since round four.

...

"Okay." Ren noted down more of the story on his scroll. "So it's definitely not a coincidence."

"Ugh. I'd say kill me but I wouldn't want you to get any weird ideas." Jaune mumbled as he sank his face into his hands.

"What about Blake? Maybe it's just a human thing?" Ren rubbed his chin. "Maybe with a faunus..."

"Ren, that's pretty..."

"Tell me the story, Jaune."

"Fine. I actually did approach Blake but not for your speciesist reasoning."

Ren resisted the urge to roll his eyes lest it become a habit. "So what were you checking?"

...

"Uhh? You sure you're okay with this, Jaune?" Sun Wukong asked his...compatriot. His fellow blonde had a tired look in his eyes, one of despereration.

"Sure, let's do this." For a guy about to get into a threesome, Jaune sounded almost...scared.

"Well, okay." Sun shrugged. "Normally, I use my clones but with you around that means I don't have to."

"Are you two ready or not?" asked Blake as she used one hand each to grab their packages.

"Might as-"

"-well."

Great.

Jaune tiredly looked around. Ballroom. Roses. Giant monstrous beast.

"Fuck." was all Jaune could say as the beast grabbed him by the ankle and started smashing him agaisnt the ground and the walls.

Smash. There went his limbs.

Smash. There went his ribs and spine.

Smash. There went his skull.

The beast then raised his broken bloodied body in the air before smashing it down on it's knee, breaking him in-

"Wow."

"Yeah, Jaune. That was amazing."

Jaune just dully nodded. He didn't even care why both Blake and Sun were snuggling up to him or where exactly was Sun's tail at.

...

"So it isn't the species or the number or even the sex. Interesting." Ren looked at the whiteboard in front of him as he crossed out more possible factors.

His leader was now just lying down on the bench, a dull stare in his eyes.

The dark haired boy continued to think harder. His leader was relying on Ren's gaming knowledge to help him through.

'C'mon Ren, think! You've been playing games since you were a kid, you must've...wait.'

"That's it!" Ren exclaimed which made Jaune look up to his teammate.

"What's it?"

"The solution to your problem." Jaune sat up to let the other boy sit next to him. "Now, Jaune, what do all of your previous partners have in common?"

"They're all students? Cause let me tell you, I'm not going for-"

"No, Jaune. They're all above the legal age."

It takes Jaune a moment but soon his face turned pure white. "Dude, you can't mean-I'll get arrested!"

/

"Jaune, I think...I'm ready." Ruby Rose looked into Jaune's eyes as she held Jaune's hands, fingers intertwined.

Just a few days ago, she had all but given up on the idea of her and Jaune being more than friends but now.

Now, after a wonderful date and an empty dorm room, had both of them heavily making out along with some very risque patting on Weiss bunk.

Jaune nodded before carefully getting into position.

Tonight had been the furthest he had ever gone and all that was left was the final test.

In his head, he thanked Ren who gave him a mental thumbs up.

This was it. He looked into Ruby's eyes, her blushing face, her accepting smile.

And pushed forward.

Jaune blinked.

Ruby was still below him, her smile strained from the pain yet radiant that she was one with her lover.

The blonde couldn't help but grin as he lowered his face to kiss the girl below him.

He did it! He was finally able to do the deed and not get sent into-

Red like Roses fill my dreams...

Wait, what was that eerie singing?

Jaune looked around. Forest. Spooky song. Glowing red eyes.

He was only able to get one swear word out of his mouth before the wolves attacked.

Ren removed himself from team RWBY's door. It seemed that Ruby definitely was a screamer. Who'd have thought?

He could only nod to himself as it sounded like his theory was right.

In both of his hands, he held two boxes of the same game, Destiny/Leave Dawn.

They were both similiar except for one thing.

On the bottom side left side corner of one of the boxes was a red sticker with the words "18+".

The other box was the game's all ages release which, at the time, gained a but of controversy for exchanging the lewd scenes for non lewd ones, if not skipping them altogether.

Jaune's semblance must have worked the same way.

Chuckling to himself, Ren could only shake his head in amusement. It was poetic how a semblance that let Jaune also somehow gain a harem also blocked him out.

Going into their dorm room and closing the door behind him, Ren sat on his bed and grabbed the book he had left.

'Well, time to get back to reading.'

He had barely opened it before the door was opened by a manic Nora Valkyrie with a dangerous look in her eyes.

"Ren, have you ever booped before?"

AN: Yes, now I too have written a gamer fic...sorta. Soon I'll do a harem one, a timetravel one, and an OP semblance one...or Maybe not.

Anyways, this was mainly based on wanting to write a parody fic for the gamer semblance and trying to remember an F/SN fic with the same concept.