Misguided Soul

Chapter 18: Grief

"So that's where you guys have been all this time?" Krillin asked bouncing Marron on on his hip. "You've been off fighting this Majin Buu and Babidi guy?"

"We were but things got complicated."Goku explained rubbing his head. "Babidi cursed Vega, put her into a catatonic state and both Radditz and Piccolo had been turned to stone byone of Babidi's henchmen, Dabura."

"Well I'm glad to see everyone's okay...but where are Gohan and Goten?" Chichi aired looking around fearfully.

"...yeah Xena and Tarble aren't here either." Bulma pointed out.

A dead silence fell over everyone and all eyes were for the main group of fighters. Vega soundly stand the quiet and immediately broke it.

"Who's going to tell them?" She asked up front.

"I will… somehow I always knew it'd have to be me." Goku took two steps forward, and stood before his friends, family, and the faces of those he'd known and loved since he was a child. His own heart was hurting from the loss of his son, but what was most painful… was looking Chichi in the eye. They were no longer married, he'd found his true mate, and she hers, but the deep seeded feelings of those years together would never go away. So he hurt and he felt shame as he told the truth.

"What I'm about to say isn't easy…" He started, swallowing hard as all eyes fixed on him. "Xena, and the boys are gonna be alright… but I'm afraid Gohan is dead."

Shock registered first… all those faces twisted in disbelief… but Chichi, her face went dead white… those brown eyes the color of melted chocolate went black as night.

"I'm sorry Chichi," he whispered it. "I failed to protect him. I underestimated the enemy because I was too worried for Vega, and what Babidi had done to her. I let Gohan and Xena fight on their own; a mistake I made once when battling Cell, and now again. I can't tell you how sorry I am."

Chichi cradled her baby girl to her chest her body shaking as the need to just collapse rushed over her. She felt Yamcha's arms come around her and she slowly turned her eyes away from her ex-husband and looked down the line. Vega was silent and still her face grave and with an expression she rarely ever saw on the proud princess.

It was true… he wasn't lying… Goku had never and would never lie to her.

"Go...han…" She couldn't hold it anymore, even while still cradling her baby girl she collapsed and passed out in her husband's arms.

"Gohan...but he can't be." Videl stammered in complete disbelief.

"It's a lie…" Erasa sobbed holding her mouth. "It just can't be true."

"Zee.." He remembered the look on her face when she struggled to wake up. Did she not know Gohan was dead? Or was she in complete denial? "This is so messed up."

~Later~

While the main group discussed amongst themselves what to do about the dangerous situation, the rest of the non-fighters all went into their separate corners to mourn. The grief was shared all around, friends both sad and furious that things had to end this way. Videl, Sharpener, and the others, not knowing what they'd gotten themselves into just fell numbly into step.

Gohan was dead… it didn't make any sense to Videl. She'd seen him only hours ago, alive, smiling, and so hopeful. She pulled her knees up to her face and buried it there, her tears still fresh and ready to spill.

"Damn It!" Her heart skipped as Bulma slammed her fists down onto the table in front of her. Eyes turned as the woman let out a long aggravated sigh. "It's just too hard for me to believe. How could Gohan lose to that fat disgusting… RAUUGH!"

"I know it's hard to believe but it's true," The Ox King whimpered as he fanned the collapsed Chichi. "Gohan is dead, and my poor Chichi has lost her first born son."

"Gohan was the Great Saiyaman." Erasa said with brimming tears. "He was the strongest fighter I'd ever seen and yet he was beaten and killed by this Buu guy? Who else could possibly win?"

They were all… accepting it? Where was the body? Where was the proof that he was dead? Angry… no down right pissed, Videl stepped off the window and opened her mouth to rant. The door to the large sitting room, where they all congregated, burst open cutting off all the words she'd built up to rage with. All heads whirled and saw Xena, barely standing, her eyes glassy and face twisted in a sneer. Since she'd refused Dende's treatment she now walked around like a mummy in bandages and tattered clothes.

"Will you all shut up!" Xena snarled. "I'm so tired of hearing your whimpering!"

"Xena!" Bulma was on her feet immediately. "You should be resting, you're not fully healed."

"Leave me alone, woman!" She snarled. "I'm no longer a child that needs your babying. Not even my own mother treated me like someone who needed their hand held!"

"Zee…" Erasa held her heart looking teary eyed.

"You don't look well at all…" Videl murmured her clenched fists relaxing at her sides.

"This is nothing compared to what Gohan's got to be going through right now." Xena rolled the ache in her shoulders and sighed. "He must be a total wreck, lying there waiting for us to bring him a senzu bean." She let out a pathetic laugh.

"Xena…" Bulma stood up holding her hands out, almost helplessly. "Goku and the others said you were there. You saw Gohan die." Bulma jolted as Xena's fists came up and beat on the side of the door jamb

"I know what I saw!" Her voice shouted so harsh it was frightening. "What I saw was Majin Buu blast Gohan out of the sky like he was one of those target ducks at a stupid carnival game. I saw his body get tossed around, broken and bleeding and his energy rapidly depleting while I lay on the ground helpless to do anything!" Xena shuddered and her hands clenched into fists at her side again.

"I know it must be hard, Xena, having to accept that someone so close to you is dead" Krillin said in a calming tone. His shoulders tensed up as he saw the deadly look that lit in Xena's eyes. "I've been in your position before. I know how you feel."

"You don't have a clue how I feel, YOU IDIOT!" Xena retorted, her voice low and threatening until the climactic finish of her sentence. She stumbled forward leaning heavily on the wall to keep herself upright. She shook her head to shrug off the dizziness of her concussion. "He's not dead."

"Xena," Krillin sighed. "You of all people should know the truth."

"What I know, and what I feel are two different things." Xena murmured as tears stung her eyes. "I'm a scientist, a person who relies on knowledge and facts... but I am also a Saiyan, a creature of instinct and emotions. Because of that everything inside me is twisted. In here," she tapped her temple. "I know it's damn near impossible for Gohan to have survived. The amount of blood loss he sustained, the location of his injuries, and the fact I haven't been able to sense his ki since he fell is all proof that he should be dead... But…. but!" Her voice wavered and she fluttered a hand over her heart. "In here… he's alive. I feel it… I feel him." She sobbed and stared up at Videl and saw tears spilling down her cheeks too. "You feel him too don't you Videl?" Her voice cracked as she desperately tried to make her understand "He's alive… I can..."

"You love him…" Videl whispered it so low she thought no one would hear… but Xena met her eyes with a wide and shocked stare. It was so apparent to Videl. All the feelings she'd been experiencing, all the turmoil inside eased some knowing that Xena felt exactly the same way. She ran to Xena as the young woman fell to her knees and quickly joined her to wrap comforting arms around her. Xena felt the threads of control just snap and Videl just held on letting the saiyan woman cry her heart out.

"GOHAN!"

~Meanwhile~

Gohan felt as if he were floating. The daze of near death leaving him lightheaded, queasy, and unable to control his body. He could hear inaudible voices in his head, making his migraine grow with each passing moment.

"Am I dead?" he thought trying hard to open his eyes but couldn't find the energy. "Did Majin Buu kill me? Where is snake way? Where is this other world my dad was talking about?"

"Gohan..."

"Xena?" He could hear her more clearly. Her voice was so filled with pain and sadness it made his insides ache more than any battle scar ever had.

"Gohan… you can't be dead… you just can't. I know you're still alive but why can't I sense you? Where are you?!"

"I'm here… wherever here is." He struggled to move, to get up. He felt a hand on his chest. For a moment he thought he could feel Xena's presence… but the hand that touched him was far too large and masculine to be Xena's.

Energy poured into him, his body tingled and went hot with it. He could feel his strength returning little by little, the pain subsiding, his senses going alert… but also felt his connection with Xena waning.

"GOHAN!" Xena's scream of grief snapped him awake and he shot straight up gasping for breath.

"Whoa! Easy Gohan! You're alright." Supreme Kai held his hands out smiling with relief. "It was close, but you're alright."

"What? Supreme Kai?" Gohan looked around, the surroundings were beautiful all lush and green with crystal waters and indigo sky. "Where am I? What happened?"

"You're asking too many questions of the Supreme Kai." A voice from behind him has him glance back. Kibito stood towering over him, atop his head a glowing gold halo signaling he was not apart of the living. "You should show more respect than that.

"KIBITO!?" Gohan jumped to his feet. "You're here? I thought Dabura… oh." He took notice of the glowing gold halo and rubbed the back of his neck bowing apologetically. "Sorry."

"Humph… Listen, Gohan, this is the world of the Kais. You're a guest here, and no living mortal has ever been permitted to grace this place." Kibito looked to Shin. "So consider yourself lucky and pay the proper respects."

"Oh… I'm sorry." Gohan looked up and spun a circle over his head. "If I'm here that must mean I'm dead right? So why don't I have a halo like you?"

"Gohan, you're alive, but I don't't know why you're here." He looked to Shin puzzled.

"I've brought Gohan here to get the Z sword, it's the only way Majin Buu can be defeated now."

"HUH!? THE Z SWORD?!" Kibito jerked forward startling Gohan. He backed up letting Kibito approach his master with a wide eyed expression. "You can't be serious, Supreme Kai. How could a mere earthling do what the Kais themselves could not. Not even you were able to lift the Z Sword."

Shin smiled as if holding onto a secret. He looked to Gohan remembering his glowing gold aura, and powerful abilities. His parents were stronger, for sure, and Xena held just as much if not more… but it was Gohan's pure heart and willingness to sacrifice that made Supreme Kai confident he'd be the one to wield the ancient power.

"Trust me, Kibito, Gohan is the one. I'm sure of it."

~Back On Earth~

"So anybody got a plan on what we do next?" Krillin asked putting his hands on his hips. "If Majin Buu is just gonna keep destroying the Earth then shouldn't someone go stop him? Xena and Gohan might not be strong enough, but surely you or one of the other saiyans are stronger"

"I don't think so, Krillin." Goku admitted hanging his head and staring hard into the white tile. "From the brief snippets I've seen of his power, and the energy readings I'm getting I don't think any of us stand a chance individually."

"What about attacking him as a group then?" Piccolo suggested. "I know you're not keen on ganging up on an opponent but it might be our best option."

"That won't do either." Vega pointed out. "We're strong together, but we're not used to fighting as a group. We all have our own individual styles and techniques and don't exactly work well together."

"It's a shame really… I think Gohan and Xena really wasted their chance at defeating Majin Buu." Goku said suddenly gathering everyone's attention.

"What the hell do you mean by that, Kakarott?" This from Radditz who scowled at his brother.

"Gohan and Xena are the only ones who've really mastered that kind of synchronized attack style. Back when they were fighting Cell they actually had him on the ropes because they were so in tuned to each other. If they'd stayed focus, and not let Cell use their fondness for each other against them they could have beaten him."

"They lacked experience back then and it cost them to make mistakes we as experienced fighters would never make. These past seven years of peace has done nothing to help them gain that." Vega crossed her arms glancing back at the building where she knew Mr. Popo had put Xena back to bed. "They're still wet behind the ears."

"Their synchronicity isn't as strong as it once was either." Piccolo spoke up rubbing his chin. "They were a lot closer when they were kids, but as adults there's something keeping them from finding that unity again."

"I agree." Goku nodded. "Something's put a wedge between them… their fondness for each other has never waned, but their personalities and fighting styles are too different now. They maintained the weakness but lost the strength."

"A real shame, indeed." Piccolo agreed.

"I've a question…" Radditz spoke up. "How did those brats learn synchronicity anyway? What sort of training did they go through?"

"I'm not entirely sure…" Goku rubbed his chin. "I asked Xena from the future to take them into the hyperbolic time chamber and train them, and to see if she could help them improve on their fusion technique."

"Fusion!?" Dende spoke up. "You mean a merger?"

"Yeah, I saw them perform it only once, but it didn't last very long. Their bodies just weren't compatible enough because of their different genders. Still it's an amazing technique, and something I wouldn't mind giving a try if I had the chance… OH! That's it!" Goku grinned suddenly bumping his fist into his open palm. "That must be how they trained for it. It was the fusion training that helped them."

"Why do you look so excited, Kakarott?" Vega crossed her arms scowling at him. "Don't tell me you want to do that ridiculous looking dance."

"Why not? Even if the fusion itself doesn't work the synchronicity training will more than help us make up for the lack of power. If we can just get Xena healed up enough to train us in the synchronized attacks, then the rest of us should be able to handle Majin Buu no problem!"

"It sounds crazy… but it might just work." Piccolo nodded his head in agreement. "If we can learn how to properly work together in an all out bout then we should have more than a fighting chance against Majin Buu."

"You do know what the downfall of this plan of yours is, right Kakarott?" Vega said with mild irritation. "If this plan fails and we all die, then there will be no one left to protect the Earth."

"That's where you're wrong, Vega. You said it once yourself, we do all we can to protect the Earth until the day we die… and then the new generation will rise and grow to take our place. Tarble, Goten, and Bardock are the future generation of fighters, and they've already shown some impressive skill. If we can't defend the Earth, then I've no doubt in my mind that they will be the ones to rise to the occasion. Which is why they're also going to be doing the training." Goku nodded with affirmation.

"You want the boys to learn fusion as well? You really think Vega is up to such a big task?"

"Yes, but there's no reason she has to do this alone… I've got some contacts in other world. If I can get Gohan down here for even a day to help with training it'll be worth it."

"Why not just use the Dragon Balls?" Krillin pointed out. "We spent all that time gathering them why not use them?"

"No… I don't want to make any wishes until we absolutely need to. Majin Buu is going to cause major destruction while we're working to defeat him. So our best bet is to hold onto them and use them when we need it most."

"So then it's settled. Goku will go to other world and work on getting Gohan here… meanwhile Dende you do what you can to get Xena to accept your healing. We'll need her in top form."

"Leave it to me, I'll make her see reason." Vega decided suddenly lifting her chin and her eyes hardening. "Besides, it's time her and I had a nice long talk."

~Five Minutes Later~

"What do you want?" Fed up with interruptions Xena continued to stretch and work her still tender ribs by doing sit ups. She saw her mother's face as she came up and it motivated her more to keep herself calm and not tremble even though pain shot through her belly making her queasy. "I don't have time for an argument."

"Well that's just too damn bad now isn't it?" Vega grunted and grabbed her by the scruff of her neck yanking her to her feet then sitting her on the bed. "Stop being so damn stubborn, child."

"I'm not a child!" She slapped her mother's hand away.

"Well you sure as hell are acting like one!" Vega countered with a sneer. "You may not recognize me as your mother any longer, but tough cookies for you because I am. I'm the one who carried you, birthed you, and raised you! Bulma may have coddled you more than me but that's her privilege. I don't have the luxury to coddle you, because that's not how I was raised. It's not how I've been shown to give affection. The best way I know how is to teach you to protect yourself and to keep you from making the same stupid mistakes that I did at your age!"

Xena continued to look at the floor refusing to stare at the woman lecturing her. Vega clenched her fists, her head pounding and heart aching. She let out a long sigh of frustration and crossed her arms over her chest.

"I didn't come here to lecture you. I came here to tell you to get your head out of your ass, and to let that Namek finish healing you so you can do some proper training. We need you to teach Kakarott and Raditz how to do the fusion technique."

"What?" Xena's head popped up at that. "You want me to show them mine and Gohan's technique?"

"Yes… unlike you and Gohan it may actually work better. From what Kakarott can surmise he and Radditz would be a better match with less complications."

"Why isn't he here telling me all this?" Xena narrowed her eyes.

"He's gone to take care of something in other world. He's seeing if Baba can bring Gohan back just for a day so he can help you train."

Xena's eyes went glassy with grief and she fist her hands in the sheets.

"I don't need Gohan to help me! Let him enjoy the peace while he can. We're wishing him back with the Dragon Balls once this is all over."

"Don't be stupid, you-"

"It's my fault he's dead… and it's your fault that it's my fault!" Xena shouted suddenly hysterical.

"What the hell are you talking about, girl?" On her last nerve Vega squared off against her. Xena shot to her feet ignoring her physical pain to glare into her mother's eyes that were identical to her own.

"You claimed to have raised me the only way you know how… You wanted me to be strong, and clever but you didn't want to tell me the things I NEEDED to hear. You didn't think it was important, you didn't want to tell me."

"Spit it out, child, what didn't I tell you?" Vega shouted wanting her to stop beating around the bush.

"You wouldn't tell me about mating!" Xena shouted at her catching Vega off guard. "Sex is easy you explained that to me a long time ago. However when it came to anything more intimate than that you changed the subject or brushed it off saying I was still too young, or that it wasn't important. Well it IS important. How else am I supposed to deal with everything that's going on inside me?"

Vega paled and she took a step back realizing what she was saying.

"You mean to tell me that you…"

"I'm in love with Gohan… I've always cared about him ever since we were kids, but the older we got the more complicated it became. I started to have vivid dreams... dreams that aren't normal for a girl to imagine about her cousin! I asked you questions because I didn't know what to do about these urges that suddenly haunted me. I distanced myself from Gohan because I didn't want him to know about these visions in my head."

She shakily rose a hand to her temple tears pouring down her cheeks now.

"I moved to dad's house when it became clear you weren't interested in telling me anything. He at least was open about what he knew, about what he wanted and what he went through. It helped… but it wasn't enough, he's not a woman, he doesn't know what I'm feeling."

"...and I do." Vega finished for her and let her arms fall to her sides. "I understand you completely Xena. I know what it's like to want someone, and not like it. You dream of them, have urges for them, but there's this barrier that's keeping you from acting on it."

"You finally get it…" Xena turned to her, her breath sobbing out. "So tell me what to do."

Vega reached out and touched her shoulder. Xena slowly raised her eyes to look up at her mother. A smirk slowly spread on Vega's lips.

"Make him yours."

"What?" Xena looked at her wide eyed.

"You heard me. If I've learned anything after all these years it's that you can't help who you want, Xena. I wanted Kakarott, and drove myself crazy because I told myself I couldn't have him. In the end I couldn't stop it. Kakarott was the one for me, it was ingrained from the moment we met, and it's the same for you."

"This is different Gohan and I are-" Xena started to protest but Vega grabbed her chin making her look her in the eye.

"There is NO difference, Xena. You're cousins, not siblings, you may share some of the same blood but there's a long line of Saiyan heritage where we would mate with those of our own to protect and preserve our dwindling population. It is your Saiyan blood that is telling you that this boy is the one. You can either ignore it and suffer as you have been, or accept it and make him yours."

She let go and turned her back heading to the door.

"The choice is yours. Now I'm going to go fetch that tiny Namek. Let him heal you so you can get your ass in gear and head in the game." She looked over her shoulder smirking. "You want to show me what you're capable of? Well now is the time to do it, my girl."

Xena clenched her fists staring at her mother for a long time. She tried to wrap her head around the information Vega just shoved at her… and decided to just say "Fuck it". She let the smirk slowly spread mirroring that of her mother.

"Alright… you asked for it."

~Ask Bri~

Bri: I'm not sure everyone is gonna be on the same page with this whole Gohan & Xena relationship I've got going, but I see that a couple of readers are for the pairing so I'm hoping others will be more open to it.

Next Chapter: Z Sword and Fusion