"So… you're back to normal?" Yukinoshita asked.

"Y-yes," I answered, feeling the strange impulse to prostrate myself on the floor to ask for forgiveness. Luckily, I was able to control my body to the fullest today.

"Hikki, you were really creepy, yesterday. Like suuuper creepy." Hearing Yuigahama chime in, the impulse came back with more force.

"S-sorry."

Yes, it seemed that Komachi had permanently (hopefully) cured me from whatever I was cursed with. And after trying to explain myself to everyone who I had offended yesterday, it seemed that everything was back to normal. I could continue living out my boring, gray-colored high school life. Minus the Service Club, I suppose, but even Oreki had something weighing him down, too [1].

"Well, since you're… I'm not sure better is the right word… nor is cured…." Yukinoshita trailed off as she searched her inner dictionary. Both of those words work by the way. Just because you think I'm a germ doesn't mean you have to change your words around me. "In any case, let's look at some requests." She opened up the laptop and put it on the desk. Yuigahama slid next to her, and I waited in my normal spot, waiting for one of them to read it aloud.

"'I'm in love with a teacher, and I want to confess. Have any pointers?' Hikki?" Yuigahama looked over.

"Huh? Why would the Service Club help this guy out with that? Wait, isn't that something that shouldn't be encouraged in the first place?"

"Ah, that's right. We can't rely on you to answer these sorts of questions now," Yukinoshita said.

"I-I mean, maybe Hikki could still come up with a reply… maybe…." Oh, I'll come up with a reply alright.

"Type in, 'For a normal high school guy like yourself, teachers may seem attractive because they're grown, but deep down they're just masculine, abusive, shounen-manga-loving adults. If you're still interested, then good luck, but we can't help you.'"

"What a biased answer…."

"Apologize to Sensei, right now, Hikki!" I looked around the room, making sure she wasn't there to hear me.

"She's not here. And besides, it was just a joke." Suddenly a sneeze came from outside the Service Club door. I froze in my seat. Are the superstitions true [2]? More importantly, am I about to be sent flying at the third cosmic velocity [3]? Instinctively, I shut my eyes and clenched my fists as the door slid open.

"Nee-san," I heard from across the table. I looked back and saw Yukinoshita Haruno walking towards the table.

"Hello, Yukino-chan. Yahallo, Gahama-chan." Did she just miss some syllables on purpose? "I heard some rumors that someone was causing a ruckus yesterday." She walked up to me. I turned away from her, but she leaned on my chair. "I came here to see what was going on."

"Unfortunately for you, Hikigaya-kun has been cured. So, you have no reason to be here." In any case, shouldn't she be in class right now? Don't tell me she's one of those geniuses that doesn't go to class, just reads the book, and still gets good grades? Apologize to Shiramine right now! Or date her [4]!

"Is that true Hikigaya-kun? Well, I also heard that you weren't that good anyway. So if you made any girl swoon yesterday, then you might want to look more into it," she said with a sing-song voice.

Watch your phrasing, woman! Besides it's not like that at all. I looked over to Yukinoshita and Yuigahama. They both turned their heads away. They were probably just thinking something like, "Not us! Why are you looking over here, creep?" Yeah, that was probably it. Yep.

"Hey, Hikigaya-kun," Haruno whispered as she leaned closer. Warmth emanated from her body, as if she was trying to draw me towards her. If I turned my head back now, I was sure to be entranced. So I held my ground. "If you ever wanted any lessons on smooth talk, I can teach you all about it. Maybe even… other things, too."

She spoke those last words with a small pause in between them. Her hot breath touched my ear, then seemed to envelop the air around me in heat. Surely that was why my face felt hot, and why my heartbeat quickened, and why my hands began to sweat.

As the two girls across from us starting yelling something I couldn't understand, only one thought was on my mind.

Well… I definitely have more to learn.

A/N: Merry April Fools, you filthy animals. If you were seriously expecting a real ending to this, well that's unfortunate.

A/N: Hello, it's XxSm00thT4lk3r420xX, back with the super-long-awaited-and-oh-so-wanted finale to Smooth Talk. This has to be my greatest work. I plan on quitting fanfiction and becoming a professional writer and publishing this as a novel. If you want to publish me, mail me a physical letter at smoothtalk42069 at ficmail dot gov

Thanks to me, myself, and I for writing (me), beta-reading (I), and having the perseverance to revive this masterpiece (myself). I couldn't have done it without myself and me.

Yui and Yumiko are best girls. The season 3 ED 2 and the insert song Sagami ballad edition from episode 7 are my favorite oregairu songs. Season 4 when. I bought Vol 14 yesterday and it's pretty trash, but what can you expect from oregano these days? My favorite ships are HachiSagami, TobeYumi, and HayaHina. Oh, and all you old stories, never update. Cliffhanger ending best ending amirite. Where's my Hayama Yukino arranged marriage fics huh.

BuT wHy He HaVe SmOoTh TaLk?

Anyway, onto reviews:

Slug-chan and ChangingOfTheSeasons (COTS from now on): "This story makes me uwu" UWU bolgy wolgy UWU

The Quotable Patella: "man, that was a good laugh!" Am I joke to you? This real art not comedy. Just because no purple you think not art smh

Rivzed: "This is so cringey" How are my immaculate smooth talk lines cringey hmmmmmmm

The guest formerly known as yo: "His pick up lines are terrible" HUHH but these lines are direct quotes from ore guy ru. Should i take from more gooder animu instead

The Mighty Zingy: Where's your review huhhhhh

SouBu: Throwing cover on my bruddas :eggplant:

Xynovitch: Harem king teach me your ways on smooth talk

Katyusha47: please

Admiral: Can you beta this before I post it thanks.

The rest of reviews: THank for fave and review please leave lot of review and fave and follow and subscribe to my pateorn and thank again for such good time. Smooth Talk forever.

See you on the big screen when smooth talk becomes an anime movie. I'll be at the premiere selling autographs for $50. I hope bringing 10000 of those signing boards is enough for y'all.

On a warm winter day, while making big dollars and sipping on (pinky up as always) MAX Coffee...

XxSm00thT4lk3r420xX

[1]: Hyouka. Oreki has the Classic Literature Club and Chitanda keeping him from his gray-colored high school life.

[2]: There is an Eastern Asian superstition where you sneeze if someone is talking about you.

[3]: The third cosmic velocity is escape velocity for our solar system. Izayoi Sakamaki from Mondaiji-tachi is at least this fast (maybe only mentioned in LN).

[4]: Shiramine Ayaka from AnoKiss is a very hard worker. But she always falls behind a certain genius. I won't spoil anything about their relationship.