Another new project! Whaaat?! I didn't want to do a full blown genderbent story, so I settled for a series of oneshots instead.

Enjoy!

Loathing

On the morning of the first day of classes at Shiz, Elphias' first thought was of his excitement over actually getting learn something after three months of logistics and proving to his mother that he was actually capable of doing college level work. His first class of the day was Ozian History, taught by a Doctor Albrea Dillamond. Elphias hadn't really hated or loved any of his classes in high school, but he had to admit, he did have a small partiality for history. Hopefully this Doctor Dillamond actually knew her stuff.

It was only when Elphias sat up that he remembered the one problem with his situation at Shiz: Galindar Upland of the Upper Uplands, which apparently meant that he was "super awesome." Elphias and Galindar got into the predicament of being roommates the day before when Galindar had been bellyaching during orientation about some essay for a sorcery seminar, and had gotten Master Morrible's attention at just the wrong time, when the headmaster just happened to be asking, "Which one of you young men volunteer to room with Master Elphias?" Thus, the hell began.

Elphias looked at the blond boy now, snoring loudly with his mouth hanging open, and suddenly came up with the ultimate payback for Galindar ranting about that stupid essay, cluttering their floor with his extensive weight set, and most crudely, asking Elphias if he was in fact green all over.

Grinning, Elphias took a cup from their sink and filled it with ice cold water. He suppressed a laugh as he walked over to Galindar's bed, its inhabitant still snoring away. With one quick movement, he dumped the water right onto his roommate's head. Galindar immediately jolted awake. "Holy shit! Who the hell …?" Then his eyes focused, and he saw Elphias laughing his head off. "Oh great. Broccoli Boy. What d'ya want?"

"You should've seen your face!" Elphias said gleefully. "Rise and shine, Master Upland! It's time for class! You know, that place where you learn stuff?"

Galindar buried his face into a pillow. "Ugh. Why did I come here again?" He sat up in realization. "Oh, that's right! I came here to learn sorcery, and you took that from me just because you threw a little hissy fit and moved your crippled kid brother's wheelchair around!"

Elphias stepped closer to Galindar in a way that frightened the latter more than he would've liked to admit. "I'm not a violent guy, Galindar. But the last person who insulted my brother got a black eye. Think about that."

"Yeah, I'm sure Nestor feels real good about having to have a wimpy guy like you defending him."

The green boy sighed in exasperation. "Honestly, Galindar, sometimes I think you're just a huge dick."

"Well, I learned something new today!" Galindar said happily. "How to call someone a dick in Nerd Language!"

"Yes. Congratulations, you're very intelligent." Elphias went to the sink to brush his teeth.

"Um, what do you think you're doing?" Galindar asked.

Elphias threw Galindar a look and spoke as best he could. "Uh, brushing ma teeth. What does it look like I'm doing?"

"No, no, no, no. I haven't shaved. I need to shave before I do anything else in the morning."

Elphias spit into the sink irritably. "Well, I need to shave too."

"Then find someplace else to do it, Broccoli Boy."

"Really? Broccoli Boy? Is that the best your one brain cell could come up with?" Elphias took out his razor. "You may be able to bully all the 'losers' on this campus, and your lackeys, and that nice girl Beka-…"

"I thought her name was Bika," Galindar said thoughtfully.

"…but you won't be able to bully me." Tension filled the room as Elphias shaved, and ran a comb through his thick black hair. Galindar secretly envied how Elphias' hair was naturally shiny, without any gel needed. "There you go, Your Majesty," Elphias said when he was done. "It's all yours."

"Took you long enough."

"Well, I'm betting it'll take you even longer, with all the junk you put in your hair."

"Buzz off, green boy."

"Gladly." As he left to go to the bathroom, Elphias surmised that it was either going to be a very fun year or a very long year.

Wicked in Latin will be updated next! Please tell me what you thought of this crazy little idea!

Thanks for reading!

Cheers,

Elle Dottore