Questioning Glass Perception
Formally I wish I knew
I don't own Takeru or Daisuke
Okay, fun with taking down my first story and fixing it up some. Don't kill me if it goes in a totally different place then the original, please. I just…would like to think I'm better then the one line dialogue I had going on in the first one. I can write paragraphs now!
Warnings: o-O Child abuse, the focus of the first draft. Sexual abuse, no that wasn't in the last one. Substance abuse on Takeru's part. Repression and some very impressive not deal skills. Self Mutilation. Attempted suicide, for both of them. But I digress. Even darker and twisted then before. Not for the faint of the heart, got me?
Warnings: Takesuke, Jyouato eventual Yamaken and Jyori (Joe+Iori) Taishiro as well.
Takeru sighed as he ran through the dense woods. The Chosen had gotten together for a little fun, but when Daisuke had…well been acting anti-social, to put it delicately, they'd tried to get him into a game of soccer. It hadn't worked and only resulted in Daisuke yelling at Hikari, practically knocking Ken out, then running off.
Naturally Takeru had gone after him, both because he was worried about Daisuke and because he was, to be honest, the only one who gave a shit at the moment. Normally Ken or Kari would be right after Daisuke, but neither one was exactly feeling empathic at the moment where the redhead was concerned. Daisuke had been acting like this for months.
They ended running into a small clearing in the trees before Daisuke stopped to catch his breath, running in his distressed state had worn him out pretty fast.
"Get away form me!" Daisuke demanded breathlessly.
Takeru shook his head. He wasn't going anywhere until Daisuke heard him out.
"Fine!" Daisuke shouted and turned to walk away. Takeru grabbed his arm and Daisuke whirled around and swung at him. He missed, thanks to Takeru expecting the blow. Daisuke had punched Ken, he knew there was no way in hell he should expect any better.
"Do you go around hitting all of the people who want to help you?"
There was a long moment of silence as Takeru stared at Daisuke. He opened his mouth to apologize when Takeru pushed him into a tree
"What the hell is you're problem?"
"You! Get the hell off of me!" Daisuke tried to get away, but found he was pined to the tree. He wasn't sure if he was surprised Takeru was that strong or disgusted he had gotten so…weak.
"I am not your problem Dai, so stop that right now. Tell me what's wrong, you know I just want to help you out." The blond's voice was surprisingly soothing and Daisuke found himself wanting to tell Takeru everything. He couldn't explain why but…he needed to get it off of his chest before he lost his mind.
Yeah, lost his mind. He knew he was losing it, had been losing it for months. It was just…becoming too much to deal with all the time, it was chipping away at him all of the time. It hurt so much to even get up in the morning.
"They hate me." Daisuke whispered finally.
Takeru blinked. He hadn't been expecting an answer like that. For the first time noticing Daisuke's distressed expression his tone softened
"Who, Kari?" He resisted the urge to cringe. It probably was Kari, even now Daisuke still wanted her. It was fustrating to be honest. Takeru wasn't even saying he wanted Daisuke too look his way, though he wouldn't mind terribly, he was just saying he wanted Daisuke to want someone who wanted him back.
"Yes…well no. No." Daisuke said quietly and Takeru could barely hear him. He couldn't very well tell Takeru what was really wrong with him or the real reason he'd been running away form everyone else. He couldn't tell anybody. "Who doesn't hate me?"
"Ken doesn't."
Daisuke laughed and it sounded so bitter and hating that Takeru was struck silent for a moment. Blue met melted chocolate for a moment and Takeru knew better then to press the issue.
"I don't hate you." He tied.
"Yeah you do." Daisuke said automatically
"Who are you to tell me who I hate. If I hated you would I have bothered chasing you?"
"You love Kari and so you hate me." Daisuke said, though he didn't sound so sure anymore. Takeru had chased him, the only one it seemed, but…he knew that Takeru didn't like him. It was one of the few things he was still certain of.
Takeru shook his head "I do not love Kari."
"You don't?" Daisuke asked skeptically
"I don't." Takeru repeated
"So who do you like?" Daisuke asked, trying to move the subject away from his problem.
Takeru rolled his eyes. "We're talking about you, not me."
"If you tell me I'll stop trying to hit you."
"Like you could touch me anyway." Takeru shook his head. "I'm not telling you who I like. You probably won't like the answer."
"Why, you have a thing for my sister?"
Takeru blinked slowly. "I'd have to say no. Your sister's really annoying…no offense or anything, but…just no."
Daisuke nodded. "I understand. Jun can be…a little much for some guys. So…why wouldn't I like the answer? Do I know her?"
"Him." Came the quiet correction. This made the redhead pause and stare. Well…that was something he'd never even…considered for a minute. Takeru…played sports and…no way was Takeru gay. He was supposed to grow up and marry Kari and have angel babies, even if he said he didn't like here. Everyone knew that, even Daisuke and he didn't know much.
Or at least that's what people told him anyway.
"Do I know…him?"
"Um yeah. Really, really well. Better then anyone else probably. Like…intimately. Inside and out." Takeru flushed guilty as Daisuke's eyes widened in realization. And people said he was slow. "Daisuke, I…well I…" He trailed off helplessly and decided to let Daisuke reach his own conclusion.
Takeru was gay...and even more than that he liked him. But he wasn't gay. Because that was…wrong, it was very wrong. Being gay would be nothing but trouble. He couldn't afford any more trouble in this life time, it already hurt so much to just deal with what he was already doing wrong, he didn't want to add to it. He wouldn't make it worse.
Noticing the panicked look on his face but misinterpreting it, Takeru sighed "I'm not going to pin you to the tree and rape you or something." He grinned slightly. "Unless you want me to."
Daisuke paled and would have backed away but his back was to the tree.
"I was only kidding." Takeru added quickly "I wouldn't do that."
Daisuke looked relived until a strange thought occurred to him. Takeru…liked him…really liked him apparently. Not like Kari's pity dates.
"If I wanted you to would you…I mean…" He was blushing. He knew he was blushing and he hated because he was too old to be blushing like some school kid but he was doing it anyway. God help him he must have been bright red at this point.
"Would I what?" Takeru tilted his head off to the side. "Never speak of my crush again? Gladly."
"No. Would you…do you want to kiss me?"
Takura blinked and Daisuke blushed scarlet up to the tips of his ears. "Do I want to kiss you? Are you asking me to?"
"I…yes?"
Takeru smiled crookedly, a touch of confusion clear in his gaze. But, never one to disappoint, he leaned into the redhead and their lips touch, light then firmer. Daisuke didn't…respond exactly, but didn't refuse the kiss either. Takeru's lips were warm and a little wet, sliding against his own in a nice way. It was a little awkward, but not his worst kiss by far.
It wasn't his first kiss, not even his first kiss with another boy but…he closed his eyes and leaned into Takeru, desperate to send the image of deceiving green eyes from his mind. Takeru let out a small noise of surprise before responding.
Daisuke's almost desperate and hungry kiss was a little startling, but Takeru adjusted. He put on hand on Daisuke's waist and pushed him so he was flush against the tree and their body's were rubbing against each other with the most delicious friction. The blond lost himself for a moment and began to tug at the other boys uniform jacket, trying to get it off.
Daisuke pulled away with a gasp then gave Takeru a small push away. "Don't."
Takeru nodded. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean…yeah. I understand if you're…mad at me. Sorry."
"No I…I'm not gay." The words burst out before he could stop them. "Sorry, I didn't mean to say it like that, I just…I'm not."
"Okay."
"I'm not gay." Daisuke muttered more to himself then Takeru. It sounded like he was trying to reassure himself more then anything, as if he didn't want it to be true. Takeru was sure he should leave it alone, but couldn't.
"Are you bisexual then?"
"No! I don't like other…boys. I'm normal."
"Gee thanks Dais." Takura crossed his arms over his chest.
"I…didn't mean it like that. Sorry, again." He hung his head, trying to calm himself. Part of his mind was rebelling, wanted to know if he'd lost it or was just sick. Another part wanted to know how he could turn down someone that so obviously wanted to be close to him. It was dumb.
"What's wrong?" Takeru asked finally, a long silence having past between them.
"I…" He took a deep breath. "How did you know you were gay? Or liked guys or…whatever."
"Well, when I was eight I had a crush on Izzy."
Daisuke snorted "Our Izzy? Koushiro?"
"Yeah." Takeru shrugged some.
Daisuke nodded and wrapped his arms around himself, looking over Takeru's shoulder. He looked troubled and after a moment Takeru came up with a half decent theory.
"Do you think maybe you like guys?"
"No! …maybe. I liked…kissing you. And there was this other guy I liked. He umm, moved away though."
"Well…do you wanna, I don't know…talk about it?"
"Talk about it?"
"This…I'd be willing to help you if you wanted it. I like you and…I wouldn't be a good friend if I didn't help right? It can be hard sometimes, I'd know."
"I think…okay." Daisuke wasn't sure why he was saying yes, but he was. It was stupid, he knew it was stupid but…he wanted to. He couldn't get over the fact Takeru wanted him. "Are you busy tomorrow?"
"No." Takeru smiled at him.
"Okay." Daisuke agreed "Be at my house around eight."
Takeru smiled then placed another light kiss on his lips before laughing. "This isn't what I expected when I followed you. We should…get going though."
Daisuke nodded and followed Takeru back in the direction they had came, hands fisted at his side. He was just asking for trouble and he knew it. He really shouldn't…be he wanted to do it anyway.
Hum...well R&R wanted. Yeah, flames too.
Formally I wish I knew
I don't own Takeru or Daisuke
Okay, fun with taking down my first story and fixing it up some. Don't kill me if it goes in a totally different place then the original, please. I just…would like to think I'm better then the one line dialogue I had going on in the first one. I can write paragraphs now!
Warnings: o-O Child abuse, the focus of the first draft. Sexual abuse, no that wasn't in the last one. Substance abuse on Takeru's part. Repression and some very impressive not deal skills. Self Mutilation. Attempted suicide, for both of them. But I digress. Even darker and twisted then before. Not for the faint of the heart, got me?
Warnings: Takesuke, Jyouato eventual Yamaken and Jyori (Joe+Iori) Taishiro as well.
Takeru sighed as he ran through the dense woods. The Chosen had gotten together for a little fun, but when Daisuke had…well been acting anti-social, to put it delicately, they'd tried to get him into a game of soccer. It hadn't worked and only resulted in Daisuke yelling at Hikari, practically knocking Ken out, then running off.
Naturally Takeru had gone after him, both because he was worried about Daisuke and because he was, to be honest, the only one who gave a shit at the moment. Normally Ken or Kari would be right after Daisuke, but neither one was exactly feeling empathic at the moment where the redhead was concerned. Daisuke had been acting like this for months.
They ended running into a small clearing in the trees before Daisuke stopped to catch his breath, running in his distressed state had worn him out pretty fast.
"Get away form me!" Daisuke demanded breathlessly.
Takeru shook his head. He wasn't going anywhere until Daisuke heard him out.
"Fine!" Daisuke shouted and turned to walk away. Takeru grabbed his arm and Daisuke whirled around and swung at him. He missed, thanks to Takeru expecting the blow. Daisuke had punched Ken, he knew there was no way in hell he should expect any better.
"Do you go around hitting all of the people who want to help you?"
There was a long moment of silence as Takeru stared at Daisuke. He opened his mouth to apologize when Takeru pushed him into a tree
"What the hell is you're problem?"
"You! Get the hell off of me!" Daisuke tried to get away, but found he was pined to the tree. He wasn't sure if he was surprised Takeru was that strong or disgusted he had gotten so…weak.
"I am not your problem Dai, so stop that right now. Tell me what's wrong, you know I just want to help you out." The blond's voice was surprisingly soothing and Daisuke found himself wanting to tell Takeru everything. He couldn't explain why but…he needed to get it off of his chest before he lost his mind.
Yeah, lost his mind. He knew he was losing it, had been losing it for months. It was just…becoming too much to deal with all the time, it was chipping away at him all of the time. It hurt so much to even get up in the morning.
"They hate me." Daisuke whispered finally.
Takeru blinked. He hadn't been expecting an answer like that. For the first time noticing Daisuke's distressed expression his tone softened
"Who, Kari?" He resisted the urge to cringe. It probably was Kari, even now Daisuke still wanted her. It was fustrating to be honest. Takeru wasn't even saying he wanted Daisuke too look his way, though he wouldn't mind terribly, he was just saying he wanted Daisuke to want someone who wanted him back.
"Yes…well no. No." Daisuke said quietly and Takeru could barely hear him. He couldn't very well tell Takeru what was really wrong with him or the real reason he'd been running away form everyone else. He couldn't tell anybody. "Who doesn't hate me?"
"Ken doesn't."
Daisuke laughed and it sounded so bitter and hating that Takeru was struck silent for a moment. Blue met melted chocolate for a moment and Takeru knew better then to press the issue.
"I don't hate you." He tied.
"Yeah you do." Daisuke said automatically
"Who are you to tell me who I hate. If I hated you would I have bothered chasing you?"
"You love Kari and so you hate me." Daisuke said, though he didn't sound so sure anymore. Takeru had chased him, the only one it seemed, but…he knew that Takeru didn't like him. It was one of the few things he was still certain of.
Takeru shook his head "I do not love Kari."
"You don't?" Daisuke asked skeptically
"I don't." Takeru repeated
"So who do you like?" Daisuke asked, trying to move the subject away from his problem.
Takeru rolled his eyes. "We're talking about you, not me."
"If you tell me I'll stop trying to hit you."
"Like you could touch me anyway." Takeru shook his head. "I'm not telling you who I like. You probably won't like the answer."
"Why, you have a thing for my sister?"
Takeru blinked slowly. "I'd have to say no. Your sister's really annoying…no offense or anything, but…just no."
Daisuke nodded. "I understand. Jun can be…a little much for some guys. So…why wouldn't I like the answer? Do I know her?"
"Him." Came the quiet correction. This made the redhead pause and stare. Well…that was something he'd never even…considered for a minute. Takeru…played sports and…no way was Takeru gay. He was supposed to grow up and marry Kari and have angel babies, even if he said he didn't like here. Everyone knew that, even Daisuke and he didn't know much.
Or at least that's what people told him anyway.
"Do I know…him?"
"Um yeah. Really, really well. Better then anyone else probably. Like…intimately. Inside and out." Takeru flushed guilty as Daisuke's eyes widened in realization. And people said he was slow. "Daisuke, I…well I…" He trailed off helplessly and decided to let Daisuke reach his own conclusion.
Takeru was gay...and even more than that he liked him. But he wasn't gay. Because that was…wrong, it was very wrong. Being gay would be nothing but trouble. He couldn't afford any more trouble in this life time, it already hurt so much to just deal with what he was already doing wrong, he didn't want to add to it. He wouldn't make it worse.
Noticing the panicked look on his face but misinterpreting it, Takeru sighed "I'm not going to pin you to the tree and rape you or something." He grinned slightly. "Unless you want me to."
Daisuke paled and would have backed away but his back was to the tree.
"I was only kidding." Takeru added quickly "I wouldn't do that."
Daisuke looked relived until a strange thought occurred to him. Takeru…liked him…really liked him apparently. Not like Kari's pity dates.
"If I wanted you to would you…I mean…" He was blushing. He knew he was blushing and he hated because he was too old to be blushing like some school kid but he was doing it anyway. God help him he must have been bright red at this point.
"Would I what?" Takeru tilted his head off to the side. "Never speak of my crush again? Gladly."
"No. Would you…do you want to kiss me?"
Takura blinked and Daisuke blushed scarlet up to the tips of his ears. "Do I want to kiss you? Are you asking me to?"
"I…yes?"
Takeru smiled crookedly, a touch of confusion clear in his gaze. But, never one to disappoint, he leaned into the redhead and their lips touch, light then firmer. Daisuke didn't…respond exactly, but didn't refuse the kiss either. Takeru's lips were warm and a little wet, sliding against his own in a nice way. It was a little awkward, but not his worst kiss by far.
It wasn't his first kiss, not even his first kiss with another boy but…he closed his eyes and leaned into Takeru, desperate to send the image of deceiving green eyes from his mind. Takeru let out a small noise of surprise before responding.
Daisuke's almost desperate and hungry kiss was a little startling, but Takeru adjusted. He put on hand on Daisuke's waist and pushed him so he was flush against the tree and their body's were rubbing against each other with the most delicious friction. The blond lost himself for a moment and began to tug at the other boys uniform jacket, trying to get it off.
Daisuke pulled away with a gasp then gave Takeru a small push away. "Don't."
Takeru nodded. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean…yeah. I understand if you're…mad at me. Sorry."
"No I…I'm not gay." The words burst out before he could stop them. "Sorry, I didn't mean to say it like that, I just…I'm not."
"Okay."
"I'm not gay." Daisuke muttered more to himself then Takeru. It sounded like he was trying to reassure himself more then anything, as if he didn't want it to be true. Takeru was sure he should leave it alone, but couldn't.
"Are you bisexual then?"
"No! I don't like other…boys. I'm normal."
"Gee thanks Dais." Takura crossed his arms over his chest.
"I…didn't mean it like that. Sorry, again." He hung his head, trying to calm himself. Part of his mind was rebelling, wanted to know if he'd lost it or was just sick. Another part wanted to know how he could turn down someone that so obviously wanted to be close to him. It was dumb.
"What's wrong?" Takeru asked finally, a long silence having past between them.
"I…" He took a deep breath. "How did you know you were gay? Or liked guys or…whatever."
"Well, when I was eight I had a crush on Izzy."
Daisuke snorted "Our Izzy? Koushiro?"
"Yeah." Takeru shrugged some.
Daisuke nodded and wrapped his arms around himself, looking over Takeru's shoulder. He looked troubled and after a moment Takeru came up with a half decent theory.
"Do you think maybe you like guys?"
"No! …maybe. I liked…kissing you. And there was this other guy I liked. He umm, moved away though."
"Well…do you wanna, I don't know…talk about it?"
"Talk about it?"
"This…I'd be willing to help you if you wanted it. I like you and…I wouldn't be a good friend if I didn't help right? It can be hard sometimes, I'd know."
"I think…okay." Daisuke wasn't sure why he was saying yes, but he was. It was stupid, he knew it was stupid but…he wanted to. He couldn't get over the fact Takeru wanted him. "Are you busy tomorrow?"
"No." Takeru smiled at him.
"Okay." Daisuke agreed "Be at my house around eight."
Takeru smiled then placed another light kiss on his lips before laughing. "This isn't what I expected when I followed you. We should…get going though."
Daisuke nodded and followed Takeru back in the direction they had came, hands fisted at his side. He was just asking for trouble and he knew it. He really shouldn't…be he wanted to do it anyway.
Hum...well R&R wanted. Yeah, flames too.