Chapter 2

Tony whistled on and off all that day. His good mood seemed to rub off on Ellie. Tim looked at him a little strangely, but didn't question him since they were at work, and he didn't want to risk being overheard, but the mood soon rubbed off on him too. Tony wadded up scrap paper and tossed it at Ellie and Tim, aiming to hit the top of their head or forehead and announcing 10 points on every success, 5 points on every near-miss and "Crap, did you have to move right then?!" when he missed completely. Both Tim and Ellie got in the spirit of the game and they tossed them back, not really trying to aim because Tony wouldn't stay still but just trying to hit him with them at all. Laughter filled the bullpen and Gibbs showed up.

"DiNozzo!" he bellowed.

"Yeah, Boss?" he turned and smiled at Gibbs.

Gibbs hesitated a moment on seeing that smile, but rallied quickly. "I can find you more work to do," he said, his voice softened and Tony recognized the twitch in his lip that meant he was suppressing a smile.

Tony chuckled. "Plenty of work, Boss, making Bish and Tim smile was first on my to-do list."

"You don't keep a to-do list, Tony." Tim rolled his eyes.

"Mental to-do list, McPlanner."

"Mentally check it off and do something else, DiNozzo," Gibbs said as he sat down at his own desk.

"On it, Boss," he said reaching for a case file while simultaneously reaching for one of the wads of paper that he tossed at Bishop's head as he set the file down on his desk. When it hit its mark, Bishop laughed out loud and quickly threw the paper away, feeling Gibbs' gaze on her. She looked up and grinned at Tony who grinned back before they settled in to work. Gibbs let a half smirk reach his face as he looked over at Tony and shook his head at his antics.

Tony glanced up at his boss out of the corner of his eye. His reaction was encouraging. He felt that maybe he was right after all. He wasn't 100% sure; it was hard to ever be 100% sure with Gibbs, but he had a feeling. That just made him smile wider. Behind his smile, he was still a little upset that Gibbs had let him believe he didn't want him around; that hurt a lot, but at the same time, he also wasn't sure if he was more upset about feeling that way or that it took him so long to figure out what Gibbs was doing.

But what if I'm wrong? What if Gibbs really doesn't want me around any more?

He shook his head. No. He didn't really believe it. He may not have Gibbs' gut but deep down, he knew that wasn't how Gibbs felt. A few years ago, yeah, he would've questioned that and not really known, but now, deep down, he knew.

Once again, he silently thanked Zoe. He hadn't realized just how many hurdles she'd helped him leap in the months they were together. After Ziva and before her, he'd felt completely unlovable, undesirable, lacking in just about every way. He would never have admitted that to anyone, not even her. Their relationship had been good for him in more ways than one. Even when things weren't so good between them, she hadn't done anything to make him slip backward in his thinking. She still cared about him despite everything, told him so, but it just wasn't enough to help them reach a compromise on things that needed compromising. They parted amicably, more than actually, he thought with a smile, remembering their last night together. He would miss her, but what she had done for him emotionally and mentally far surpassed any pain on their separation. He felt a sudden urge to send her flowers to thank her for that, but as he had never explained how he felt prior to her advent in his life, sending her flowers after they broke up would require explanations he wasn't prepared to offer. There were thank you cards, but that would be tough to explain also. He wished there was some way he could thank her for helping him so much.

With a sigh, he let it go. If their paths ever crossed again, maybe then he would tell her but he wouldn't deliberately seek her out to tell her. For now, his silent gratitude would have to be enough.

The day passed by more or less uneventfully and that evening he found himself at Gibbs' house. To his surprise, instead of being in the basement, he found the man sitting in the living room wearing shorts and an old t-shirt with an icepack on his knee and his face contorted with pain.

"Hey, Boss."

Gibbs didn't look happy to see him. His face was grim and his eyes were narrowed.

Tony studied him a moment. "Pain is bad today, huh?"

Gibbs shrugged, but didn't really answer the question.

"How's the physical therapy going?"

"How do you think it's going? You know how it's going. It hurts!"

"I know, Gibbs. No pain, no gain."

Gibbs rolled his eyes.

"Anything I can do?"

Gibbs nodded toward the kitchen and handed him his mug. "Pour me a cup so I don't have to get up." Gibbs handed him his mug.

Tony took it and nodded. "You got it, Boss."

"Hazelnut crap you like is in the cupboard with the sugar."

Tony did a double take at Gibbs and then headed to the kitchen. One cup was gone from the carafe and he poured Gibbs one and fixed himself another.

"Thanks, Boss," Tony said with a smile as he handed Gibbs his mug and then sat down beside him.

"Not your boss here, Tony."

"Thanks, Gibbs." Tony took a sip of the now-palatable coffee.

Gibbs drained half his cup before setting it down and fixed his gaze on Tony. Tony glanced over at him. Tony had imagined this conversation a hundred times since his revelation this morning but now that he was here, words escaped him. He had no idea how to start.

"Something on your mind?" Gibbs' voice was mild, almost mellow.

Tony snorted. "Yeah, a lot actually." Tony stared down into his mug for a moment, hoping for inspiration to jump-start a conversation he had never planned to have until now that he had to have it. Really though, he was here to have the conversation Abby wanted him to have. All he could do was hope he hadn't completely misread everything.

Tony took a deep breath, met Gibbs' gaze and said, "I've been looking for another job."

The grimace that passed over Gibbs' face both surprised him and didn't surprise him at the same time. The man didn't look happy about it. Instead of responding, he reached down and took the ice pack off his somewhat swollen knee and set it on the table. "Yeah," he finally said, like the word was dragged out of him.

"I figured it out."

Gibbs looked up at Tony.

"Yeah, Gibbs. I figured it out. That was one hell of a chance you took on our friendship."

Gibbs suddenly huffed a breath Tony hadn't realized he had been holding.

"I almost didn't figure it out."

"How did you figure it out?" Gibbs looked genuinely curious.

"I remembered rule 5."

Gibbs leaned back against the couch and ran his hands down his face and Tony then saw the strain there. A combination of guilt, remorse, and something else Tony couldn't name.

"I'm a selfish bastard, Tony. Held you back for a long time. Tim, too."

Tony snorted. "No, you didn't. I've been exactly where I wanted to be, and I can't really speak for Tim but I think he feels the same way."

Gibbs smiled a little at this and he took a sip of his coffee.

"But you're right, we both should move up and on. Tim will be a good SFA for you. Give him time to find his footing. He has to learn to handle you in his own way, and you need to listen to him."

"I know, Tony. I've already thought about it." Gibbs finished his cup of coffee. "Have you found anything yet?"

"Not yet. I'm taking my time, trying to find the right one. I've sent my resume to a few places, but Tim and Abby are helping me. They're using their computer whiz skills to cross reference with my resume."

Gibbs smirked. "How did Abby take it?"

"Not well. She'll probably be upset again."

"Not staying on at NCIS?"

"I don't know. If Vance has something to offer me that's not in the job postings and not Agent Afloat, maybe. Really don't want to investigate terrorism any more though so not likely."

Gibbs nodded.

Tony's eyes hardened as he regarded Gibbs. "Again, it's a hell of a chance you took on our friendship," Tony emphasized, his voice cutting, hoping Gibbs got the message that he actually pissed him of. "What if I hadn't figured it out?"

"I knew you would."

"Do you realize how much I want to deck you right now?"

"Yeah. Do it. You explain to Taft."

"I've met him. He'd probably agree with me."

Gibbs laughed then. "You're probably right." They fell into silence for a few minutes and then Gibbs painfully stood up, picked up the ice pack and his mug, lifting it up in a gesture to ask if Tony wanted more. Tony shook his head no and handed him the empty mug. Tony heard Gibbs open the freezer door and put in the ice pack and then he heard him pour more coffee before returning. Gibbs sat back down in a huff.

"Rule 5 isn't the only reason I'm pushing you to move on." Gibbs said before taking another sip of his coffee.

"Yeah, you're finally sick of me. I got that."

The head slap was sudden, forceful and a surprise. He hadn't been head slapped in a long time. Tony looked up at Gibbs who only offered his customary glare.

"Then why?" he said, rubbing the back of his head.

"You killed Daniel Budd."

"Uh yeah," Tony raised his eyebrows, surprised to hear that, before frowning in confusion. "Your point?"

"The Tony DiNozzo I know never would've sought revenge."

"Didn't drag us all to Somalia for tea and cookies," he bit out, referring to Ziva.

"No, but it became a rescue mission. Neither of us really believed she was dead. But you went after Budd."

"And I'd do it again," Tony said bitterly.

"That's why I'm pushing you out. This job, our team, who we've become, has had a bad effect on you. You were a great cop, a better agent, but now, you're turning you into something you should've never become."

"I'm still me, Boss."

"You need to remember why you became a cop in the first place, why you joined NCIS." Gibbs paused, and when he spoke again, his voice broke. "You need to get away from me."

Just a few weeks ago, Tony would've yelled at Gibbs, "I don't want to!" but now, after all these weeks of reflection, he knew that wasn't entirely true. Not any more. He stayed silent as he absorbed Gibbs' words.

"Deep down, you know it's true."

Tony swallowed hard at this, hearing the pain in Gibbs' voice.

"And I know it, too."

The lump in his throat was back but he'd be damned if he was going to cry. He never did before, he wasn't going to start now. He still couldn't quite keep the emotion out of his voice when he finally spoke. "Sixteen years, Gibbs," he said.

"Sixteen of the best years of my career," Gibbs responded without hesitation. "Because of you, Tony."

"Really?"

Gibbs glared, as though daring question Tony to question him again.

"Right," Tony said. "You never say what you don't mean."

"Damn right."

"I had planned to just leave without saying goodbye because I believed you didn't want me around any more, didn't care. What if I hadn't figured it out?"

"I knew you would. No doubt in my mind."

"But what if I hadn't? What if one day I was just gone? Then what?"

"Wouldn't have happened. You know me. I knew you would figure it out."

"That's not the point! I almost didn't figure it out and I was growing to hate you because I didn't understand!"

"I wouldn't have let you go without you knowing where I stood."

"Really? Since when?"

"Sixteen years you've had my six and solved cases by my side. I know you. I knew you'd figure it out! Dammit, Tony! No one else would've!"

"So proving a point was a reason to put our friendship on the line?"

"No. You making the right choice for you was reason to put our friendship on the line. You wouldn't leave unless it was your idea. I knew that. I just didn't know how to convince you it was the right choice."

"So you used my loyalty to you against me?"

"I don't deserve your loyalty. It's my fault you turned into something you never should've become. Revenge didn't make my knee stop hurting or take away the scar on my chest."

"Didn't bring back your wife and daughter either," Tony bit out. He normally wouldn't have brought up Gibbs' lost family, but really, who the hell was he to talk to anyone about revenge-seeking?

A sudden and abrupt silence fell over them. Gibbs swallowed hard. "No, it didn't," he quietly agreed. "But I can't regret it."

"I can't regret killing Budd either. That was a clean shoot, Gibbs. It was me or him."

"But you sought him out, intending to kill him anyway."

"I would've arrested him if he hadn't pulled a gun, but I knew that wouldn't happen."

Gibbs huffed. "There was a time you would've felt like there should've been a way to arrest him. You need to get that back if you can, or get out of law enforcement."

"I'm considering that too. Keeping my options open."

Gibbs nodded and smiled sadly.

"So you're pissed that I killed Budd?"

"Not pissed. I just think someone else should've handled it instead of you. Vance disagreed."

"I would've rather stayed here and helped you, but he wouldn't listen to me. He just cut me off and barked orders." Tony hesitated a moment. "Is that why you were so pissed at me?"

Gibbs huffed. "It was…hard going through rehab without you. Trust you more than the sadists."

Tony chuckled. They had often griped and commisserated how sadistic physical therapists were when they went through their various respective injuries and rehab over the years. Both men had been there to push the other through the pain at various times. "Can help you with it now, Boss."

"Don't need help now. I got it."

Tony nodded. "So getting away from you, huh? That mean our friendship too?"

Gibbs jerked his head toward the door. "Door is always open, or call if you move."

Tony slumped backward into the back of the couch and looked diagonally upward toward the ceiling at the far end of the room, not looking at the man beside him. "Gonna miss you, Gibbs."

"Yeah," Gibbs' voice sounded so strained that Tony swallowed hard. He heard grief in the tone and knew Gibbs wouldn't want him to look over, wouldn't want Tony to see him weak.

Still not looking at each other, Gibbs reached over and gave Tony's hand a light squeeze before letting go almost immediately. "Whatever you do, you're gonna do great, Tony." Gibbs got up and walked over to the side table and opened a drawer and pulled out a large manila envelope and dropped it in Tony's lap. It wasn't sealed, just clasped shut. Tony looked up at Gibbs then but Gibbs was already walking toward the basement steps.

Curious, Tony sat up and opened the envelope and pulled out several sheets of fine stationery. First thing he noticed was the NCIS letterhead. He read the first page and his jaw dropped. Gibbs had written a letter of recommendation, a glowing one. As he read the words, 'best young agent I've ever worked with,' among other complimentary words outlining Tony's dedication, loyalty and abilities, tears welled up in his eyes. He now understood why Gibbs had retreated to the basement.

Tony looked at the second document. It was a list of all the commendations that Gibbs had recommended over the years. The list carried over to the third page. Tony had no idea Gibbs had commended him so many times. It was almost a mini biography of the MCRT's toughest cases and included a special notation of when Tony saved Gibbs and Maddie Tyler. Gibbs had never thanked him for it, but instead Gibbs had put his name for the Public Safety Officer Medal of Valor. He hadn't known that either.

Tony wiped a tear away before it could splatter on the expensive paper and he skimmed the rest of the documents which turned out to be several copies of the first three pages. Gibbs thought he should have all these to distribute.

Carefully, Tony straightened the short stack of documents and put them back in the envelope to keep them clean. He sat there a moment stunned. He would never have expected this from Gibbs. He wondered if he got someone else to do the typing or if he did it, but it really didn't matter. Gibbs had signed them himself. Tony swallowed the lump in his throat with a smile, and breathed calmly and evenly to get a grip on his emotions.

After a few moments, he stood up and walked to the kitchen where he knew Gibbs kept a notepad and pen. On it, he wrote a short note and left it on the middle of the table where Gibbs would find it when he came upstairs. Tony then left, taking the manila envelope with him.

Several hours later, Gibbs came upstairs and he saw the notepad with writing on it and he stopped and pulled out his glasses to read it and swallowed the lump in his own throat and wiped at his eyes, silently blaming the sawdust for making them water.

There were only two words on the paper, Semper Fi.

~ fin ~