Everyone had a certain tolerance for annoyance, and if anyone had excellent tolerance, it would have to be Abby. Heck, being on this team this long, she figured she was either immune to all sorts of annoyances anyone could possibly fathom, or she had finally lost it and the cool, collected, composure she kept 24/7 was just her way of coping.

This evening, however, her astounding tolerance was being tested to its limits.

"Would ya knock it off?" said Abby. The young girl brought down her magazine. "Keep that up and Numbuh 5's gonna start thinking in cadence."

"It just doesn't make any sense," Nigel grumbled. The infamous leader of sector V had taken to making unnecessary rounds that circulated the command podium. The boy had been at it for quite a while if the boot shaped indentions spoke for themselves. A tiny trio of hamsters had started imitating the boy, marching in faux time behind him.

One adventurous fuzz ball ended up slipping past Nigel's heels. Ever attentive to his surroundings, the boy caught himself at the last second before trampling over the hamster. Sadly, saving the hamster caused him to trip, and he fell on his butt.

Abby quirked a grin. "Talk about falling out of line, eh boss?"

"And you claim Numbuh 2 is bad," he said under his breath. "Shoo! I'm fine, now go on." The critters quickly dispersed, leaving Nigel to stew. As his thoughts moved back to his former frustrations, he angrily flicked his wrist to check his watch. "It's been two hours!"

With a shrug, Abby went back to her magazine. "You know how they can get. Ain't worth getting all worked up over."

"It's one simple task; an important one, I'll admit, but still simple! It didn't even need the three of them to pull it off," Nigel said. His hands snapped to his temples, messaging them to stave off an oncoming stress headache. "Now thanks to them we're thirty minutes behind schedule."

"Oh, will you chill out? It's Friday. Ain't like we gotta be in bed by nine."

"It's the principal that matters, Numbuh 5," he protested. "You can't sit there and tell me this isn't annoying you as well."

"No, I can't," Abby said, flipping to the next page, "and you walking in circles and whining ain't helping."

"Don't try and act like this is my fault. If they would–"

His tirade was cut short when a beep went off at his side. Both kids looked down to see his communicator flashing. Without a moment's hesitation, Nigel had the device glued to his ears and a verbal lashing ready to fly off his lips.

"I can't wait to hear the story you've cooked up, Numbuh 2. I told you three to do one simple thing and you- wait, slow down. What?"

This time, Abby lost interest in her article completely. She looked up to see confusion seeping into his face, her expression mirroring his own as an eyebrow crooked upwards.

"Calm down and start from the beginning. I know, just calm down and- they did what? Well, where are you now?" Nigel's free hand began rubbing the back of his neck, his face tensing as he tried to piece together the frantic speech on the other line. "Wait, repeat that. What in the world does that have to do with…you called in who?" Suddenly his eyes widened as he leapt to his feet. "She's holding him hostage!?"

Abby blinked. "What?"

"We're on the way." Without warning, he began a mad sprint towards the hanger, running past Abby while shouting, "Move out, ASA-NOW!"

"H-Hold up!" Abby said as she scrambled off the couch, hopping on one foot as she threw her sneakers on. "What the heck is going on?"

/-/-/-/-/

"I said BACK UP!" an operative yelled to the crowd gathering behind the security tape. Having to wear this helmet in this humidity was bad enough, but the mass of clamoring onlookers was just too much. "This area is currently locked down; no adults or non-KND operatives allowed!"

"You can't tell me what to do, kid!" one man said. He approached the tape, fist clenched, yet never crossed the threshold. "My car is parked over there!"

"Sir, for the buhmillionth time, you cannot go in until we've gotten the A-Okay signal!"

"But I'm not even parked in the stupid area, it's literally across the street and I'm five minutes over my limit!" he yelled. He tore his gaze back to his vehicle in the distance, nearly ripping his hair out as he noticed a police officer nearing his car. "Do you know what another ticket is gonna do to my insurance!?"

"Then I suggest you take it up with the lizard in the commercial once this is over."

A woman peeked out from behind the man. "Actually, it's a gecko."

"I don't care if it's a zebra wearing a top hat, no one, and I mean NO ONE, is getting in!"

"Out of our way!" A voice from the crowd won out over the yelling and commotion. Pushing their way past multiple legs - and stepping on at least six toes if the yelps were anything to go by- were Nigel and Abby. "Let us in!"

"Oh hey guys. Go right on in," said the operative with a smile. He side-stepped to let the two pass. His friendly demeanor then quickly vanished and he aimed his weapon back at the crowd.

The adult hovering over him went silent, his left eye beginning to twitch. "YOU LET THEM IN!"

The child growled as he leveled his weapon. "Sir, I know how to use this thing and will if I have to!"

Abby lifted the tape, allowing Nigel pass on through. The bald boy marched at a quick pace - still trying to take in the wild story Hoagie told him over the commination. Halfway in route he began thinking this was all some joke, but upon arriving and gauging the chaos, all hopes of that possibility went down faster than his mood on a beach day.

The two reached the end of the safe-zone wearing matching expressions of shock as they looked ahead. Beyond the make-shift security barrier was the Supervillains' Supermarket and Deli; only the establishment didn't look so super at the moment. There was a plume of smoke rising from the east wing of the building and a massive gaping hole stood bare in the front. A group of people were amassing inside behind the cashier-lanes, but were too far away for either sector V kids to make out.

Abby scanned the area for their friends. After a moment, she elbowed Nigel and pointed off to the side.

Poor Hoagie sat on the ground, trembling under a blanket and rocking back and forth while muttering to himself. A medic offered him a cup of coca, and he shakingly brought it to his lips. As he saw his two friends approaching, he threw the mug away and scrambled to meet them halfway.

"Numbuh 1!" Hoagie cried, falling to the ground and wrapping his arms around Nigel's leg. The bald boy sputtered as Hoagie looked up at him, his eyes blood-shot even through his goggles. "It was horrible. So horrible!"

"Will you calm down?" Nigel asked, doing his best to shake the boy off his leg. "Numbuh 5!"

Abby nodded. She gripped her hat, and gave Hoagie a good whack across the head. The boy blinked, ceasing his mad ranting mid-sentence, and stared up at them silently.

"Better?"

Hoagie nodded.

"Now what happened?"

"It was horrible!" Hoagie started crying again. "We went to the dollar store, but it was closed and how was I supposed to know it closed early on Friday? And Numbuh 4 was complaining about it being late and Numbuh 3 was being Numbuh 3 and we didn't want to go back and get yelled at so I decided, hey, let's sneak into the villain's supermarket. But that didn't work and there were all these bad guys, Wally started biting people, Kuki ran off and there was this explosion and everyone started screaming and-"

WHACK

"Man," Abby whistled lowly as she re-donned her hat. "You still breathing after all that?"

Hoagie rubbed his reddening cheek. "Y'know, that's really uncalled for."

"Popcorn, Numbuh 2," Nigel said, pinching his nose as he paced back and forth. "I sent you three to get popcorn for movie night-that's all I asked you to do."

"We did!"

"Then explain to me how that one little task ends with the market blowing up along with Numbuh 3 and a group of villains taking Numbuh 4 hostage!"

Hoagie raised a finger. "Don't forget the part about them being possessed by ghosts."

Abby did a double take. "Wait. What?"

"Guys! Help!"

Upon hearing a familiar Australian accent voice calling out in peril, Nigel and Abby walked around Hoagie to the edge of the cardboard blockade. The two scouts saluted and handed both of them BONGOSCOPES. The two lifted the scopes and their eyebrows shot up at what they saw.

"Ya gotta get me out of here!" They saw Wally, struggling to escape his bindings and Kuki's grip. "They keep going on and on about how it was back in their day, how everything cost a nickel, and how rock'n'roll ruined music forever! I'm gonna die of boredom!"

"Quiet down, sonny!" They zoomed back to take in Kuki. The normally cheery, bright, young girl was nowhere to be found. Her raven hair had lost its color, and was tucked into a stuffy bun. Her face was littered with wrinkles and cracked reading glasses sat upon her nose. One hand held Wally while the other held up an oversized hearing aid. "If you don't, I'll pinch those cute lil cheeks of yours so much that your face will fall off."

Wally winced. "Get me outta here!"

Abby's jaw dropped as she lowered her scopes. "Why is she talking like that? Why does she look so old?"

Nigel lifted his shades and squinted his eyes. "And where did she get that hearing aid?"

"I told you guys," Hoagie said, running up to them. "They've been possessed by old, crazy ghosts!"

Nigel rolled his eyes. "Numbuh 2, I don't want to hear anymore of your nonsense."

"Don't be such a square, man. He's totally telling the truth."

"Numbuh 23?" The three turned to greet the newcomer. Virginia Sims, aka Numbuh 23 of Sector K, jogged up from the rear. The girl smiled, looking pumped to be there, and Nigel was just even more confused. "What are you doing here?"

"Didn't you get the memo, Numbuh 1-dude? Me and my sector are total experts of the supernatu-raaal," she said as she wiggled her fingers for dramatic effect. "They sent me to help out, and man, am I getting some WICKED vibes here!"

"Uh," Abby spoke up, jiggling her hand in an awkward hang loose gesture as she tried to follow. "Wicked as in good?"

"No, literal wicked vibes," Virginia said flatly before pointing towards the supermarket. "There's some freaky, evil mojo in there."

Nigel scoffed, preparing to debunk that notion before he was cut off by one of the scouts.

"Stay frosty, people: their leader's coming back out!"

Nigel and Abby shared a look. "Leader?"

"Don't anybody move!" They took the BONGOSCOPE once more to watch as a figure wobbly climbed atop one of the registers. The child was clad in rainbow monkey pajamas and slippers, the clothing slightly ruffed, and a hand held her back as she hunched over. Gray streaks lined her dulled, red hair, and she gave a menacing stare as she waved a cane around threateningly. "I see one of you young'uns take one step closer and the little tike here gets it good!"

"But I don't wanna get it good!"

"Shut up, BOY!"

"Is…is that Numbuh 86?" Nigel asked, readjusting his scans to make sure he wasn't seeing things. "Why is she here?"

"Out of my way, you no good brats!"

"Prisoner on the loose!"

Nigel, Abby, and Virginia spun around with blasters cocked and ready. The prisoner yelped and rose his hands up as he realized he walked straight into the line of fire. Nigel and Abby seethed, recognizing the adult anywhere even if he stood before them bare in a white tank top and sweat pants.

"Mr. Boss, I might've known," Nigel said. Mr. Boss growled, mustache twitching and legs shivering in the crisp night air. Fed up with the constant surprises, Nigel snapped his head to Hoagie and demanded to be brought up to speed. "From the top, Numbuh 2. What. Happened?"

"I've been trying to tell you!" the boy whined. "Since we couldn't get popcorn from the dollar store, we tried sneaking into the villain supermarket. But Numbuh 4 saw these new nacho pepper potato chips and HAD to have them, but when we got to the register, we didn't have enough money. We had to distract the cashier while Numbuh 3 went to put stuff back." He then pointed an accusing finger the adult's way. "Then he showed up, did things, and it's all HIS fault!"

Nigel mustered a sinsiter grin as he changed his blaster from stun to ouch. "All I needed to hear."

"Easy there, hotshot," Abby said, grabbing the barrel of Nigel's weapon and aiming it to the sky as he fired. She ignored his childish protests and regarded Mr. Boss suspiciously. "That don't explain jack about the ghosts or why Numbuh 86 is here."

"That's because she came with ME, you idiots!" Mr. Boss said. He then snarled at Hoagie, the boy squeaking as he cowered behind his leader. "And this isn't my fault!"

Nigel re-cocked his weapon, then set his sights on the villain's fat head. "Likely story!"

WHACK

"I swear," Abby grumbled, putting her hat back on as Nigel covered his nose. "Okay, then why were you here then?"

"Shopping! Why else would I come to the stupid supermarket?" the man grumbled. "My little Fanny-pants had a nightmare, so I took her on a drive to calm her down and ran into the store to get her some moo-moo milk."

Virginia snickered.

"As for the ghosts, you can blame your crazy friend in there," he raged, motioning towards Kuki. "I ran into her in the diary section and she freaked. Then the crazy girl ran and did the most stupidest thing only a stupid kid could do in the entire history of stupid!"

"What did she do?"

"She ran down the last aisle of the supermarket."

The kids jumped as the sky darkened and random bouts of lightning and thunder went off.

"As if that wasn't bad enough, then she opened the cursed, senior discount coupon book."

Hoagie whimpered as more thunder boomed. "It's not even cloudy!"

"This supermarket is old, kids. Older than you, older than me-"

"Wow. That is old."

"Shut up. As I was saying, long, long ago, the super villain market used to have a senior citizen villain discount club. Every Sunday afternoon, old villains would come from far and wide to take advantage of deals using the coupon books they got with their membership.

"Then one afternoon, on the day before Thanksgiving, there was a huge rush as everyone and their granny tried to clean out the store for thanksgiving dinner. A group of senior villains went down the very last aisle of the market, and they fought over the last can of cranberry sauce. However, their fight caused the foundations of the store to shake, and before they knew it, a gihugic shelf fell over right on top of them!"

"Then what happened to them?"

"Uh," Mr. Boss paused, tapping his chin as he thought of a way to explain it. He snapped his fingers, then plucked the stub of his cigar out of his mouth. He dropped it to the ground, then stomped on it-digging in his heel and grinding it into the pavement. Once down, he lifted his foot, revealing the crushed remains of tobacco and ash. He dug into his pocket, pulling out another cigar and lit it, ignoring the kids' horrified expressions. He cupped it to his mouth, taking a few puffs before nonchalantly motioning to the remains. "That's what happened to 'em, more or less."

Abby looked back to the group of possessed minions. "You mean to tell Numbuh 5 our friends got taken over by some cheap ghosts?"

"Yeah, that's exactly what Mr. Boss is telling Numbuh 5," he said. "What's with kids today? First person not good enough for ya?"

"How 'bout from now on you start speaking in the shut up person, and we'll be cool." Mr. Boss stuck his tongue out, but Abby waved him off. "So how the heck are we supposed to deal with ghosts, boss?"

Nigel looked to Virginia for her say. "What do you suggest, Numbuh 23? You're the expert here."

"Hmm," she mumbled, tapping her noggin. "Well if Mr. Jerk-face is telling the truth, then it sounds like we need to get that coupon book. I bet it's where those ghosts were hanging out until Numbuh 3 woke 'em up."

"Easier said than done," Hoagie said. "We even think of marching in there and Numbuh 4's going on a one-way trip to the big retirement home in the sky."

Virginia shrugged off his comments. "Nah, getting in there's a piece of cake, dude. It's getting the ghosts back in the book that's gonna be a total bummer."

"Why?"

"Need something else to perform an incantation with. Like, uh, something from when they were not-ghost-y, if ya know what I mean."

"Would anything work?" Mr. Boss asked as a thought occurred to him. "Because there should be an old shopping list wedged in the pages somewhere."

Nigel frowned wearily. "How would you know that?"

Mr. Boss eyes shifted as his hands fumbled together. "Uh, because I'm an adult! And all responsible adults keep shopping lists in their coupon books when they go shopping. Yeah, that's it."

"Makes about as much sense as anything else." Nigel straightened his posture-the three operatives in front of him popping to attention as he gave out orders. "Numbuh 5, you and Numbuh 23 sneak in there and find that coupon book. Numbuh 2 and I shall remain out here and distract Numbuhs 3 and 86 to cover your entry."

"Can I maybe sit this one out?" Hoagie asked as he rubbed his forearm. "I got this thing about talking to things that aren't alive…"

"You either stay out here, or go in there. What's your preference?"

"We ain't getting any younger!" Hoagie exclaimed as he clapped his hands together. He suddenly pulled a microphone from who-knows-where and stood up on a bench as he pressed the device to his lips. "Let's negotiate here, people!"

Nigel nodded at the girls, and they saluted before slipping behind the shadows. Once they were gone, the bald boy looked to his friend with a curious gaze. "You sure you can handle this?"

"Relax, chief. I was the best negotiator back in the Hall Monitor force." He clicked the megaphone on, and addressed the possessed children several yards away. "Alright ladies, let's all be calm about this. No one needs to pinch anyone's cheeks."

"Ye better show some respect to your elders, tubby," Fanny raged, smacking her lips together before speaking again. "Or I'm gonna start telling your little friend here about how I got my first liver spots."

Wally let loose a pitiful wail. "Anything but that!"

"Let's not get gross now," Hoagie recovered, raising his hand in a calming motion. "Maybe we can come to some sort of deal."

Kuki adjusted her comically large glasses. "What's yer offer?"

"Well, what do you want?"

"What?"

"What do you want?"

"What!?"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT!?"

"For your information, I DID take my vitamins this morning!"

While Hoagie raved over the megaphone, Nigel and Mr. Boss shared a flat look before palming their faces.

/-/-/-/-/

Around the back, an employee's only door wedged opened. Virginia poked her head in, checking the foggy aisles for any signs of paranormal weird-tivity. Abby rolled in, gently slamming into the nearby shelf for cover. A can of corn fell, but she quickly caught it, sighing in relief as Virginia joined her side.

"That was close," Abby whispered as she put the corn back. The girl took stock of her surroundings, wincing at the ominous chill and layer of fog hovering above the floor. "And Numbuh 5 thought she hated coming here during the day."

Virginia stayed silent. Her fingers were pressed against her temples and her brows twitched in concentration. "This place reeks of sinister energy, dude."

"Girl, Numbuh 5's already feeling the heebie-jeebies, you don't have to go the extra mile or nothing."

"Chill out, it's cool." Virginia opened her eyes before pointing west. "I'm picking up two big pools of ghost-y groves, and since your friends are back there, then the coupon book must be this way."

Abby nodded, then began cautiously moving down the aisle. Virginia followed, tip-toing as she waited for Abby to set the path. The sector V operative checked her front and rear, then climbed atop the shelf and hopped from aisle to aisle towards the back of the store. Virginia groaned, but sloppily mimicked Abby's acrobatics and followed.

After a series of cool spy-maneuvers and super-neat-looking triple air flips, Abby landed softly on an assortment of two-ply toilet paper. She dusted herself off and would have walked the rest of the way if Virginia had not stopped her.

"Hold up," Virginia said as she motioned for them to hide. The kids ducked behind the tower of toiletries, and Virginia pointed over towards the produce section. "Check it."

Abby followed Virginia's line of sight and grunted as she spotted a possessed villain. The man was dressed in a lizard suit; the lime green scales dulled and chipping away, and his legs wobbling as he moved forward slowly with a walker.

"Is that the Iguana? Guess Numbuh 2 wasn't fooling when he said some adults got possessed too."

Virginia nodded. "The report mentioned two other weirdos: that Nogoodnik guy and the Terrible Tutor dude. Guess the lame-o villains hit up the grocery store at night."

Abby stayed low as she waited for the aged Iguana to pass them by. Once he disappeared, she wiped away a bead of sweat. "Lame or not, Numbuh 5 was not looking forward to kicking more butt than she had to. Now c'mon, we should be close."

The two girls took off-finishing their trek to the end of the store and never noticing the lizard shape shadow slowly inching after them.

Abby and Virginia passed the pharmacy section and stopped to gaze at the destruction before them. Abby raised the brim of her cap and tsked. "This must be the place."

Before them was what remained of the last aisle of the supermarket. There was a large carter in the middle of the aisle, and the shelves on each side were in shambles and blown in two. Food and boxes were strewn everywhere and a massive gaping hole just hung in the ceiling.

Virginia walked forward after Abby; oohing and awing at the tiny wisps of blue energy gliding through the air. "Dude, if it weren't so evil this place would be totally rad. Haven't been around this much funky energy since that stake-out with Numbuh 9-Lives and Numbuh 666."

Abby grimaced. "You went on a mission with Numbuh 666?"

"Tch, don't believe the rumors, dude. The guy's a total sweetheart. Numbuh 667 on the other hand…" Virginia trailed off, grinning as she spotted what they had been searching for. "Jackpot!"

The girls approached the center of the carter, Abby being slightly off-put at the wrinkled coupon book in the center. As she got closer to the book, she could hear faint scratchy whispers in the back of her mind urging her to save money and buy store brand because it was just as good as name brand. Virginia held a hand out, holding Abby back as she went to pick up the item.

"Probably should let me handle this," she said with the book in hand. "You're kinda asking for trouble if you let someone inexperienced hold things like this. No offense."

"None taken," Abby muttered. The thing gave her the creeps, and after seeing what happened with Kuki, she wanted to be as far away from the stupid book as possible. "You sure you can stuff those weirdos back in there?"

"No problem-o, dude. I know a thing or two about curses and incantations." Virginia flipped through the pages, searching for the list Mr. Boss mentioned. She "ah-ha-ed!" as she found a folded piece of paper but slumped not soon after. "Aw man, this was a bust! Like, half the list is missing."

"Figures," Abby scoffed. She crossed her arms, lost in thought as a figure crept up from behind. "Then how are we supposed to deal with these loser ghosts?"

"Beats me. Maybe we can… Look out!"

Virginia ducked, taking Abby down as a walker swung overhead. The two rolled and recovered, gasping as the angry mug of the Iguana sneered down at them.

"That you, Carla?" he said, his voice deranged and carrying an elderly rasp. "You gimme back my hedge-trimmers, you no good hippie!"

Abby growled. "Numbuh 5 ain't got no hedge-trimmers, but she's gonna give ya something all the same!"

She leapt into action, spinning in the air to move into a round-house kick. The Iguana huffed, lifting his walker and slamming it to the ground. A shock-wave of ghostly energy exploded from the impact, throwing Abby back into the debris.

Abby's head wobbled with dizziness until a box fell into her lap. She looked down, then up as the Iguana quickly advanced. The possessed villain rose his walker, and she cowered.

"It's either my hedge-trimmers, or your life! Eh?" he paused, noticing the box in her lap. Distracted, he mumbled with curiosity as his withered hand reached for it. "Oooh, ginger-snap cookies. I haven't had these since I was a-AAAAHHHHH!"

Abby blinked as she felt the Iguana's scream tear through her. She looked up, shocked to see the adult slumping over as a spirit sprang from his body. As the ghost left him, the man's features returned to normal, and he fell to the ground. The girl looked at the downed body, then up to the hovering specter.

"That's insanity!" the old, disfigured creature howled. "Pure insanity-blubbubahaha!"

A stream of liquid shot out, squirting the ghost square in the face. The spirit cried in pain as his form trembled and shrunk. The stream kept going and going and it wasn't long until the ghost was reduced to a sparkling little orb reminiscent of the wisps around them.

The stream stopped, and Virginia yelled as she jumped on the orb. She held up the coupon book, and slammed its pages shut around the weakened spirit. Once it was gone, she propped a hand on her hip, twirling a modified water-gun between her fingers. "How'd you like my-"

Kids Next Door: S.O.A.K.U.H

Squirt-gun. Outstandingly. Agitates. Kooky. Undead. Hooligans.

"Specialty of my besties in the Pagan Kids Next Door. Those guys are so rad," Virginia said, smugly blowing off the nozzle. "Never go to crazy supernatural shindigs without a set."

"Numbuh 5 sure owes you for that one, girl," Abby said as she rose. "What was in that? Holy water?"

"Holy water? Pfft. Nah, dude, it's club soda." She aimed the end to her mouth, squirting a decent swing down her throat. "Everyone knows ghosts hate club soda."

"I'll take your word for it." Abby then bent down, looking over the knocked out Iguana curiously. "What the heck happened?"

"Dunno. Looked like something scared him right out of the Iguana." Virginia walked over to where Abby landed, picking up the box of cookies. "Cool, ginger-snap cookies. My mom never gets me these any…for real? Nine bucks for a box of cookies? Seriously!?"

Abby rubbed her chin at Virginia's reaction, looking back to the Iguana as her mind wandered. The girls then tensed as a squeaky noise came from the end of the aisle. The turned and were greeted to the sight of a wheel-chair bound Nogoodnik charging for them.

"You mangy kids," the possessed mad raved. "Get off of my lawn!"

Deciding to put her idea to the test, Abby quickly shifted through the discarded products and grabbed a bag of chips. She then faced Nogoodnik and held the bag as if it were a shield. "Get a load of this! Salt and Vinegar potato chips: they're-"

"Eight dollars and ninety cents!?" Nogoodnik screamed, Abby and Virginia ducking as the ripple tore through them. The villain crashed, and the spirit possessing him sailed out of his body.

Virginia raised her SOAKUH, weakening the ghost and catching his remains in the coupon book. She then looked at the bag of chips amazingly. "Whoa, they're scared of junk food?"

"Not junk food: the prices," Abby chuckled as she scanned the price tag. "Guess the old cheapskates didn't expect everything to be so expensive nowadays."

"Don't blame 'em. This place is a rip-off." Virginia grinned. "But dude, this is awesome! All we gotta do is scare out the rest and I can trap 'em in the book."

"Then what are we waiting for?" Abby held her hand out, Virginia passing a spare SOAKUH her way. "Let's go have ourselves a lil clearance sale."

/-/-/-/-/

"Are you nuts?" Hoagie yelled. He had taken off his aviator cap in frustration long ago, the item clenched in his hands as he tried (and failed) to haggle. "There's no way we can get you that!"

"Here's a free tip for ya," Fanny said as she tapped her cane against the register. "When talking to someone who's got a hostage, might be wise to avoid the words 'no,' 'not,' 'but,' or 'maybe!' Understand, Jimmy?"

Hoagie blinked. "But my name is-"

"Gah!" Wally screamed as Kuki tightened his bindings. "You're not supposed to say 'but!'"

Fanny grinned. "Shorty gets it. And if I wanna call ya Jimmy, then I'll call ya Jimmy. Got it, Jimmy?"

"Look lady, this is not a-"

"OW! DON'T SAY 'NOT!'"

Hoagie grimaced as he waved his hands. "Okay, okay! W-What was that last demand, again?"

"Tapioca! Eleventy truckloads of it!"

"Sure thing!" Hoagie muted the mega-phone and looked over his shoulder. "You get that, Numbuh 1?"

"So correct me if I'm mistaken," Nigel grumpily began, tapping his pen against his note-pad. "If we give them thirty gallons of prune juice, a hundred boxes of orajel, arrange another reunion of the cast from The Dick Van Dyke Show, two oranges, and eleventy truckloads of tapioca then they'll give us Numbuh 4's left shoe?"

Hoagie raised a finger as he turned. "If we meet those demands, you'll give us his left shoe, right?"

"Laces. We'll give ya his left shoe-laces."

"Just clearing that up! No, they'll give us his left shoe-laces."

Nigel growled. "I thought you said you were the best negotiator on the force?"

"Did I say best? I meant only." Hoagie nervously chuckled. "Hey, I almost talked down that rabid tribe of kindergarteners that one time."

Behind them, Mr. Boss fell over and held his gut as he erupted into a fit of laughter. Having quite enough of this, Nigel threw down the notebook, ripped the mega-phone from Hoagie's hand, and pushed the boy back as he took over. "Listen up, Fanny! Or whoever you are. I don't rightly care! You either hand over my friend, or the only thing you'll be getting is an all-expense paid trip to the Arctic Prison, understand?"

"Aye." Fanny nodded. She then looked down to Kuki, and slid her cane across her throat. "Put the brat down for a permanent nap!"

Wally's eyes widened. "No!"

"No!" Nigel grimaced, trying to back-track on his former statement. "N-Now don't do anything rash! W-We can probably still try and get Mr. Van Dyke on the phone and-"

"Too late!"

"K-Kuki, it's me! Wally!" the boy pleaded as the girl dropped him. She wobbled off to the side, then returned with a cash-register with held up over her head. "Y-You don't wanna do this!"

"Sorry, sonny," Kuki said as she struggled to lift the register in the air. "You're mighty cute, but it'd never work out. I'm way too old for you."

"T-That ain't you talking, it's the stupid ghost," Wally gulped as she finally got the register high enough. "Please, I know you're in there! Ya gotta fight it, ya just gotta!"

Just when she was about to drop it, her face twisted, her arms shaking as sweat dripped down her wrinkles. "W…Wally?"

"That's it, Numbuh 3!" Nigel cheered on. "Numbuh 4, quick! Keep it up!"

"What're ya doing?" Fanny growled. "Get rid of him!"

"Don't listen to her, Kuki," Wally shot back. "Fight it! It's just a stupid old lady ghost, you can take her!"

"I…I…"

"DO IT!"

"I…I ain't falling for that sweet-talk, sonny," she said as the ghost regained control. "Say nighty-night!"

Wally struggled. "C'mon Kuki, don't do this! You can't do it! You…you can't do it because I…because I-"

"Intruders!"

All action ceased as the feeble frame of the Terrible Tutor rolled in on his hover-round. Fanny looked over to the man, eyebrows raised. "What?"

"I said we got-AAHH!"

From behind came Abby, knocking the Tutor off his vehicle. She pinned the adult down and shoved a jar of peanut butter in his face.

"Have some peanut butter, sucka!" she grinned. "It's only $5.65 - without tax!"

"Without tax!?" The tutor's eyes rolled back as his mouth stretched open. "AAAHHHH!"

As the tutor returned the normal, Abby raised her SOAKUH and blasted the ghoul. "Now!"

"And she scores!" Virginia laughed as she trapped the ghost. She rolled expertly across the floor, landing on one knee and holding the coupon book victoriously. "And the crowd goes totally wild!"

Fanny's eyes widened. "DROP THAT BOOK!"

"No can do, ghost-y." Virginia then got up and sprinted to Kuki. "Your turn, Numbuh 3."

Kuki wiggled her hearing aid. "What? AH!"

"How about some Rainbow Munchies?" Virginia asked as she shoved a box into her face. "$10.99!"

"What?"

Virginia rolled her eyes, grabbed the hearing aid, jabbed it into Kuki's ear and then yelled, "TEN NINETY-NINE!"

"WHAT!?" Kuki broke into a spasm. Her frame shook violently as she screamed out her ghost. "AAAAAHHH!"

Virginia grinned, repeating their acquired tactic. She hopped off of Kuki and pointed at Fanny while Abby worked on freeing Wally. "And then there was you, loser."

Back at the barrier, Nigel pumped his fist. "Here's our chance! Hurry, Numbuh 2!"

Mr. Boss watched the two boys jump over the barricade as he puffed frantically on his cigar. His eyes wandered to Fanny, and worry gripped his heart. He threw away the stub, reaching to grab another one to soothe his nerves. When he realized he was out, he looked to Fanny again, and clenched his fists as he hesitantly hopped over himself. "I'm getting too old for this crud!"

"Outta my way!" Wally pushed away from Abby and scrambled towards Kuki once he was free. He went to his knees, cradling her head as tears welled in his eyes. "Kuki? C'mon Kuki wake up! Please, ya gotta wake up!"

The girl groaned, her eyes slowly opened as she adjusted to the low light. "Ugh. W-Wally?"

The boy nearly wept for joy. "Yea, it's me."

"I…I have something…to tell you…"

"What is it? Tell me!"

"I…I…" She went to her pocket, and weakly pulled out a slip of paper. "I found a coupon…for your chips."

Wally simply smiled as he held her close. "She's okay. She's gonna be okay and I can buy my chips!"

"Hold that thought, Romeo," Abby chuckled as she watched Virginia approach Fanny. "We got one last lil loose end to tie up."

Fanny growled as the brunette cockily walked up to her. "Just who do you think you are, missy?"

"The chick's that's gonna send you straight to-uh, well, you know."

"Ye don't scare me."

"Maybe I don't," Virginia smirked, reaching behind her and pulling out a sack of potatoes. "But these potatoes for seven bucks a pound will!"

They all waited for the girl to start screaming, but it never happened. Fanny only continued to stand there, glaring at them all as her fist tightened around her cane.

"Uh," Kuki spoke, coming around thanks to Wally's efforts. "Maybe she didn't hear you?"

"Er," Virginia hesitated before holding the bag up again. "Potatoes for seven bucks a pound!"

Nothing.

"For seven bucks a pound!"

Fanny began chuckling and it sent a shiver down their spines.

"…okay. What gives?"

"Ye think I'm like those others idiots? Listen here, missy. I studied economics and worked on Wall Street. I predicted inflation before your mommy and daddy were in diapers." She threw her head back, her voice lowering to demonic tones with each laugh. "I STARTED the Senior Citizen Villain Discount Club!"

Kuki and Wally grasped one another and Abby held her hat as the wind picked up. "Uh, Numbuh 23? This is bad, isn't it?"

Virginia slowly nodded as she backed away. "Really bad."

"You insolent little whippersnappers have gotten on my last nerve," Fanny groveled out as she rose into the air. Her hair turned stark white, and her wrinkles became more grotesque and defined as her eyes glowed. The children trembled as Fanny slowly reassembled more of a corpse than an old lady. "If I can't have my discounts, then I'll settle for your souls instead!"

She rose her cane, a whirlwind swirling around her as the shelves behind her floated into the air. The girl aimed it forward, and three of sector V ran as a barrage of soup cans rained down upon them. Fanny turned her otherworldly gaze to Virginia, and rose her hand and threw an entire freezer of milk down on the girl.

Virginia barely dodged the freezer, losing the coupon book in the process. The item became enveloped in a glow, and flew towards Fanny. She grabbed the book, opening its pages and allowing a wave of vengeful, elderly spirits to roam free.

"We shall flood the mortal world with our numbers, reaping the harvest of discounts and lightening sales we've been denied so long!" she howled, the vortex of ghosts screaming as they circled the store. She then pointed her cane to the kids. "But before we feast upon raisin bran and sauerkraut, we shall dine on the spirits of the Kids Next Door!"

Abby picked up Wally and Kuki and motioned for them to move. "All in favor of NOT getting your soul eaten run for your lives-AAAH!"

The three found themselves lifted into the air as the ghosts Virginia trapped earlier dug their intangible hands through their chests. The elderly specters laughed-then coughed as they lost their breath. Abby, Wally, and Kuki struggled to break free, but found their will weakening as their life-force was being sapped away.

Fanny's laugh echoed through the land. "Your resistance is pointless, but brings joy to an old woman's dead heart."

"Then perhaps you'll get a kick out of this!"

"Ah yes, my two little negotiators." Fanny whipped her cane behind her and then turned to find Nigel and Hoagie's bodies frozen in mid-jump-kick. She chuckled as she twirled her cane around, their bodies stiffening as tendrils of energy flowed forth. "I've got a special offer for you stupid boys."

Virginia hid underneath the register, eyes squinting as she tried to make out the discarded shopping list. The only thing that would save them now was her original plan, but without the full list, it was hopeless.

She flinched as the register was ripped away by the wind, and looked up to see a group of ghosts descending upon her. Right before they collided into her, Mr. Boss rolled by, grabbing her and pulling her to safety.

"Yikes!" Virginia yelped as they took cover behind the shelf. She looked up to the adult with an odd mix of gratitude and confusion. "Uh, thanks Mr. Jerkface?"

"Don't think this means anything!" he protested. "I only saved your butt so you could save my daughter. So do your job and save her!"

"I can't," Virginia said. "The ghost controlling Numbuh 86 is too strong."

"Don't give me that excuse," Mr. Boss growled, standing his full height and unknowingly exposing himself. "You get your lazy butt out there and-"

"Jeffery?"

Mr. Boss froze, and Virginia popped an eyebrow. Both looked up to see Fanny staring intently at her father.

"Jeffery?" Fanny asked again as her eyes narrowed. "Is that you?"

Mr. Boss awkwardly smiled, slowly waving as he sunk back down besides Virginia. "H-Hi, granny."

"It IS you." The wind grew more violent, nearly forcing them off the ground as the girl raged. "HOW DARE YOU RETURN HERE AFTER WHAT YOU'VE DONE!?"

The poor man shivered under her gaze. "I-It wasn't my fault."

"LIAR!"

Virginia frowned, looking back and forth between them as it clicked. "That's…that's the ghost of your granny. That's how you knew about the list; you were there that day!"

"Yes!" Mr. Boss broke down, curling into a ball as he suckled his thumb. "M-My granny always brought me shopping with her. We came here every Sunday, and if I was a good boy and stayed in the buggy, she would buy me ice cream with her coupons."

Tears welled in his eyes as he remembered that horrible day. "That day while she and the other villains were fighting over the last can of cranberry sauce, I had to go to bathroom and got out of the buggy. When granny saw that, she flipped, and in her anger, she caused the shelf to topple all over them." He closed his eyes, trying to shake the memory from his mind. "I-It's why I never go down that aisle anymore!"

Virginia processed the story and gasped. "Wait. If you were there that day, then that means you remember the list!"

"Huh?" He blinked. "Uh, yeah. But I thought you needed the actual paper?"

"Dude, words are sick with how binding they are. A verbal incantation will work just fine as long as we got the right stuff."

"In that case jot this down. Uh, that day we came here to get-"

Virginia held up a hand. "No, man. It's gotta be you."

"ME?"

"Yeah!" she nodded. "I can feel your guilt rolling off you, man. It's probably what bound those ghosts here and what's giving 'em so much power. If you recite the list as an incantation, we can get rid of them for good."

"Are you crazy?" Mr. Boss yelled over the wind. "Even if I did agree to your stupid plan, you think I'd just seal my granny away in that book again on purpose?"

"That isn't your granny. That's a manifestation of her negative emotions, the evil villain-y vibes of this supermarket, and your guilt. You gotta face all of it and move on."

"What are you, my therapist?"

"Fanny needs you!" Virginia insisted. "Come on, Mr. Boss-Man-dude, you gotta let it go. Chill out, relax, and dad-up!"

Mr. Boss considered her words and looked back at Fanny. However, the more he stared at her, the more he saw the angry face of his granny right before she was squashed. He whined, cowering back behind the shelf. "I-I can't! I lost my granny that day, I can't face her!"

"Dude, if you don't do something, you're gonna lose your daughter!"

His eyes snapped open at that. He looked around him, then down at Virginia. "Alright. I'll do it, but only for my Fanny, understand? Now what do I do?"

"Try and remember the list and make-up an incantation, doesn't have to be fancy." She stood, cocking her SOAKUH and began moving down the aisle. "I'm gonna distract her and get the coupon book. Once she drops it, grab it, and incant away!"

"COME OUT, JEFFERY!" Fanny screamed, boxes and foods being tossed at the shelf wildly. "GET OUT HERE AND GET YOUR BUTT BACK IN THE BUGGY!"

"Yo, lady!"

Fanny turned, then hissed as streams of club soda were shot in her face. Virginia kept advancing, emptying her entire cartridge. Fanny fussed as she was sprayed, raising her hands to deflect the volley. When Virginia took a moment to reload, Fanny screamed and quickly swung her cane. "GET AWAY FROM ME!"

A blast of energy knocked the girl on her back, and so caught up in dealing with the sector K member, she failed to notice as the coupon book fell to the floor. Seeing his chance, Mr. Boss steeled his nerve and mad a dash for it.

"Come on, come on…yes!" He cheered, holding the book up high. "I got it!"

"JEFFERY!"

Mr. Boss gulped, slowly turning to see the haunting face of his possessed daughter staring into the depths of his soul. "G-Granny."

Fanny's hair whipped as she blew him back. "GET BACK IN THE BUGGY, JEFFERY!"

Mr. Boss groaned. He struggled to stand, and when he got to his feet, he stomped and pouted. "I can't even fit in the buggy anymore, granny."

"DON'T GIVE ME THAT LIP," she hollered as she sent out another forceful blast. "YOU'VE BEEN A NAUGHTY LITTLE BOY."

"I'm not a little boy anymore, I'm a big man now!" he shot back. "And…and I'm going to give you one last chance to let my daughter go!"

"H-Hey," Hoagie managed to say despite the life literally draining from him and his friends. "F-Forgetting something?"

"Oh. And, uh, the other brats too, I guess," he mumbled. "But honestly, I'd settle for Fanny."

"How dare you. HOW DARE YOU SPEAK LIKE THAT AFTER WHAT YOU DID TO ME!?"

"I was four years old! I'm sorry!"

"SORRY ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH!"

"Then I guess I ain't got any choice." Mr. Boss looked down at the coupon book. After mentally repeating the list a few times, he held it up and began his homebrew sealing spell. "F-Forty nine cent a pound apples. And…and, um, twenty-nine cent a block cheese? Yeah, that was it."

Fanny noticed the book beginning to glow, and she increased her storm in attempt to halt the ritual. "YOU STOP THAT THIS INSTANT!"

"Twenty cent a bag of carrots," his eyebrows furrowed. "And ten cent cans of mushy-"

"ENOUGH!" She released another torrent, and Mr. Boss yelped as he fell. The book dropped from his hand, and Fanny swung her cane like a mad woman. "You can't stop me, Jeffery. My fellow discount club members and I shall return to the world of the living, and take every supermarket by force! Every two-for-one deal, every early bird special, every last stinking can of cranberry sauce! We'll have it all and there's nothing you or these pathetic brats can do to stop me!"

"Mr. Boss," Virginia weakly called out. "You've…gotta end it now. We can't…we can't hold on much longer…"

"I…I can't," he whimpered, covering his head in his hands. "I just can't…"

"…daddy…"

"Wha?" He shot up, looking around for that voice he heard. He looked up to the body of his daughter, still very much dominated by his grandmother. But that voice. There was no mistaking it. "Fanny?"

"It's over, Jeffery," the woman proclaimed. "The souls of these children and your daughter are MINE!"

Mr. Boss' eyes narrowed.

"By forty-nine cent a pound apples, by twenty-nine cent a block cheese," he said as he reached for the coupon book. "By twenty cent a bag'o carrots, by ten cent can'o'mushy peas."

"W-What?" Fanny gasped, the storm waning along with her power. "S-Stop!"

"By eighty-nine cent lamp chops," he voice raised in volume, holding the glowing book high as spiritual energy began drawing back into its pages. "And by a dollar-seventy grain!"

"S-Stop!" the ghost cried. Fanny fell to the floor, coloring returning to her hair as the ghostly form of the elderly Fulbright was being ripped from her body. The ghoul looked towards Mr. Boss and snarled. "I-If you don't stop this, Jeffery, then there will be no ice cream!"

"Your coupons have expired, spirits," he continued, ignoring her as the book floated from his hands. "SO BACK FROM WHENCE YE CAME!"

There was a still in the air. The winds halted, the howling ceased, and the children blinked as they dropped to the floor, their skin flush with life while the spirits remained paralyzed mid-air. Then, all at once, the book released a tremor of energy blowing them all back as a beam of light shot into the sky, tearing yet another hole in the ceiling.

The ghosts screamed as they were sucked back into the book, clawing for anything. It was useless, as one by one they were banished back into the old, forgotten pages of the senior discount coupon book. The ghost of Granny Fulbright wailed, her voice nearly deafening. Seeing the fallen form of her granddaughter, she grabbed Fanny's ankle and began pulling her back.

"I WON'T GO BACK ALONE!" she vowed, pulling Fanny along with her as they were drawn back to the book.

Mr. Boss held on to a register to resist the pull, but at his granny's proclamation, a look of horror spread across his face. "FANNY!"

Sector V held on to various posts and shelf-handles, but they all looked back as they heard Mr. Boss' heartbroken cry. Nigel looked between the adult, and his red-haired kid-in-arms. He locked gazes with his team, and they all nodded. Eyes filling with purpose, he shouted to Virginia. "Numbuh 23!"

"On it!" Virginia let go of the shelf, letting herself be pulled closer to the book. Upon reaching halfway, she hooked her legs under the check-out lane sign post and held out her hands. "Now!"

"Kids Next Door, BATTLE STATIONS!" Nigel let go, hooking an arm around Virginia. "One!"

Hoagie came down and gripped Nigel's hand. "Two!"

Kuki connected with Hoagie. "Three!"

Wally squeezed Kuki. "Four!"

"Five!" Abby came down, and Wally held onto her by her ankle. Abby used one hand to grab onto Fanny, and used her other to aim her SOAKUH at Granny Fulbright. "This sale is over!"

The ghost screamed as Abby shot her in the face. The apparition released Fanny, and was pulled into the deep recesses of the coupon book. Upon collecting the final spirit, the book closed itself, and all activity stopped as it fell to the ground.

Everyone fell in a heap as the vacuum that kept them suspended dissipated. They all groaned, trying to collect themselves. After a moment, a platoon of KND operatives stormed in, finally advancing to secure the perimeter now that the main threat had been eliminated.

Wally poked out from under his team's dog-pile, looking more than a bit disgruntled. "That settles it. I don't care what we're out of: popcorn, rainbow munchies, whatever! Even if it's the last store open in the entire solar space thing, we are NEVER coming back here again."

His four friends could only grunt in agreement.

/-/-/-/-/

"Alright people, show's over," an operative relayed as he directed public away from the parking lot. There were a few remaining stragglers and they needed to clear out before they could make a proper assessment. "Ain't nothing left to see here, move along."

"You!" The kid looked up to see an angry man stomping up to him. Once the adult got within his personal space, he shoved a piece of paper in his face. "I got a ticket because of you!"

"I said," the operative growled as he shoved his SCAMPP rifle in the man's stomach, "move along, sir."

The man slowly looked down. His hands shot up, and he began pacing backwards. "I'm moving, I'm moving…"

"I'm glad that's finally over," Wally said as he sipped his coca. He and Kuki were seated on a bench, a shared blanket covering them as their friends cleared things over with Moonbase officials who had just arrived. "Say, what was it like being possessed and stuff?"

"It was really weird," Kuki said. "Like, normally all I can think about is love, friendship, and rainbow monkeys. But instead of all that, all I could think about was bingo, social security-something, and prune juice. Yuck!"

Wally made a gagging noise in agreement. "So, you remember anything? Cause ya almost crushed my head in, ya know."

"I know, I'm sorry." She apologized. Suddenly, she smiled, and Wally found her face right in his own. "But I think you were also about to tell me something?"

"Uh," he blushed. "I was, um, I was just gonna make sure you remembered my chips? Heh heh heh."

"…and then Mr. Boss sealed them back in the coupon book," Herbie finished reading before looking at the four in front of him skeptically. "Are you guys for real?"

Nigel rolled his eyes. "Believe what you want, Numbuh 65.3. Go ask one of the other dozen operatives here if you want testimony. Me and my team just want to go home."

Virginia nodded. "Besides, what am I? Chopped-liver? I was called in specifically to help out with the freaky stuff."

Herbie shook his head. "Still, I would like to hear an official confirmation from Numbuh 86. According to you, she was personally involved, and her word as Global Tactical Officer would-"

"Go stuff it, kid," Mr. Boss growled as he cradled the girl in question in his arms. "Wake up my little girl, and I'll send you way farther out than Pluto!"

"But-"

"Ah, let it go, Herbie. It's no big deal," Hoagie said as he threw an arm around the boy's shoulder. He then leaned closer. "Besides, remember what happened the last time someone woke her up in the middle of the night?"

Herbie paled. He quickly scribbled something down, saluted, then double-timed it back to his shuttle.

Hoagie smirked. "Smart kid."

"Ahem."

The children looked up to Mr. Boss, who appeared quite sheepish. "Uh, I just, um, wanted to say…uh, thanks for helping save Fanny…and stuff."

"Don't look too far into this, Mr. Boss," Nigel sternly said. "We only cooperated with you because-"

"What he means to say," Abby interrupted as she slapped her hand over his mouth, "is you're welcome. Right?"

Nigel crossed his arms, but nodded regardless.

"Yeah, yeah," Mr. Boss mumbled. He dug around in his pockets, then tossed something Hoagie's way.

The portly boy looked down in his hands, and grinned. "Sweet, Movie-goer's Popcorn Special with extra butter! This is way better than what we could afford!"

"That makes us even," the adult said. "So don't go thinking I'll go soft on you brats next time we meet!"

"Mmmm," Fanny mumbled in her sleep, snuggling deeper into Mr. Boss' chest. "Daddy?"

"Go back to sleep, Fanny-pants," he softly said. The girl smiled, falling back into a deep slumber. Mr. Boss gave one last look to the Kids Next Door, nodded, and then walked away without another word.

Abby dusted off her hands as Wally and Kuki joined them. "Well, that takes care of that mess."

Nigel agreed then extended a hand to Virginia. "Thanks for the assist, Numbuh 23. Unorthodox as it was, it was a pleasure working with you."

"Wanna join us for movie night?" Hoagie offered. "We're watching Hacksaw IV: Revenge of Bonesaw. Only the best horror movie of all time!"

Virginia shook her head. "Awesome as that sounds, dude, I gotta get this bad boy purified and in lock-up." She wiggled the coupon book before hefting it under her arm. "Next time for sure, though. Don't be strangers, dudes. Kids Next Door rules, and all that."

Wally waited for the girl to leave before speaking his piece. "So can we go watch scary movies now or what?"

Kuki trembled a bit. "Can't we watch something else?"

"Come on, Kuki, it's tradition," Hoagie said. He was about to say something else, but saw something on the ground. "Hey look, a coupon for chewy pellets!"

"…oooooooooohhhh."

They all froze at the ghostly wail, and looked around to realize they were the only ones left in the barren parking lot.

Nigel turned to look at the Super Villain Supermarket, his team instinctively huddling behind his back. "You know what, all in favor of watching something other than horror movies say 'Aye'."

"Aye."

"Aye."

"Ditto."

"Aye, mate," Wally nodded. His friend than began walking off and he stuffed his hands in his pouch. "As long as it's not some stupid romantic comedy, I don't care what we watch."

"Really?" Kuki said slyly. Grinning, she ruffled his hair then quickly ran off to the others. "Hey guys, Numbuh 4 said he wants to watch Rainbow Monkeys in Love!"

"H-Hey!" he stuttered. He then took off after the giggling girl. "I said no such thing!"

end transmission