Welcome to Anime School

There you are. I was wondering what was taking you so long. I can feel you on my back, watching me, your eyes staring at me through the screen I guess, for most people that's creepy, but I'm not most people, am I? I'm glad to know you're by my side, Reader.

Anyways, here we are. A new story. Now, let's go over some directions and guidelines.

Okay, first step when entering a new story. Where am I?

There's a fence around me, outlining the rooftop I'm on. Some solar panels that don't even look like they're connected to anything are behind me. I'm sitting on some... what are these, vents? Let's call them vents.

You probably already know exactly where I am, just like how I know it. We've both been here about a hundred times over, probably more. This is Yasogami Highschool, specifically, I'm on Yasogami Highschool's rooftop. I can't tell you how many times I've had to go here, but you can probably guess.

So, I'm on a rooftop. The setting is familiar to me, as I'm sure it is to you, Reader. I assume I actually did used to go to this school considering how many times I've ended up here. That also means I'm in Inaba, again, a constant setting for these 'fanfics.' I'm wearing the Yasogami school uniform, without the jacket, meaning it's summertime. I don't hear anyone running around or shouting, so I can only assume I skipped out of a class or it's afterschool.

I almost feel like a detective with how observant I am, but it's just noticing patterns. After about the fifteenth story, you notice these things.

Anyways, the sun is shining down on me, the sky is a nice blue, there are a few fluffy clouds... It looks like a beautiful day, not that I really care. On days like these, literally anything can happen. Maybe aliens will swoop in and invade Earth, maybe a storm will form and flood the city, or maybe it'll just stay nice out and I'll get into wacky hijinx with my friends. Who knows?

Next step. Who am I? Okay, Reader, can you tell me an easy way to find out who I am? Don't bother writing an answer, that question was rhetorical. I reach into my pockets and take out my wallet and cell phone. I open my wallet and look inside, finding my ID.

"Souji Seta." So that's my name here? Alright. I'm sixteen years old, I go to this school, and I can drive a scooter. What a glorious life I live.

That last statement was sarcasm, case you couldn't tell, Reader. Tone is hard to read sometimes, I know.

Next, I check my phone. My glorious, wonderful phone. Why do I love my phone so much? Let me show you. Wait... Actually, let me tell you, since you really can't see what I see unless I tell you about it. My cell phone has it's own 'magical' abilities. With it, I can check the time, call other cell phones, and look at inter-dimensional messages.

That's right. I can see your reviews with it, allowing me another level of communication instead of me just narrating to myself. Hm... Wow, quite a few. That's good. Heh. Some of you are a bit dramatic, but I have to admit, knowing I'm not crazy is one of the few positives of my life. Thank you all for your kind words.

Huh?

Who is-

"Hey, Souji! Sorry I'm late, dude."

Ah. I recognize that voice, as I'm sure you do, Reader. Yosuke Hanamura. Another pattern I've recognized. He has appeared in nearly every story I've been a part of. Most of the time, he acts as my character's best friend, though there have been some incidents where he's been my boyfriend. Awkward, but nothing I can't handle.

Though to tell you the truth, the first yaoi story I went through with him, I had to repeat over a dozen times because I hadn't even considered the Author wanting us to get together.

Back on topic,I've noticed that when he's being written positively, he's usually a good guide for what the story wants me to do, but when he's written negatively, the guy can come off as a douchey, hypocritical ass. I don't blame him for this inconsistency. He's as much a puppet to the story as I am, I can just see the strings.

"Hey, Yosuke. Uh... Kun!" I hate Japanese honorifics. Half the stories I'm in aren't even consistent with them. "What's up? You okay?"

"I'm really sorry for making you wait afterschool for me," the brown haired boy sighed, panting a bit. He must have run here. Wait, he's the reason I'm up here? Huh. Interesting. He walks over to me and sits down on the vents with me, looking at the horizon beyond the fence.

"No problem. What did you want to talk about?" I ask, playing my role.

"It's about Chie..."

Chie Satonaka. Another pattern. Short, brunette, favorite color is green, wears the same jacket all the time. You know her, I know her, but I'm going to talk about her anyways because the sound of my own voice helps me know I do have some degree of free will. At her best, Chie has been my girlfriend. We dated, we made out, we laugh. Whoo.

At her worst? Chie is an utter bitch who would be arrested for abusive behavior if the story took itself seriously.

"Chie? What about her?"

"I... I think..." Dramatic pausing. Great. Yosuke just sits there for a few moments, not moving, not even breathing. This is ridiculous. How long does the Author of this story want to draw this out?

"You think... What?" I ask, trying to hurry this story along.

"I think I like Chie. As more than a friend."

Not exactly a shocker. In a lot of the stories I've seen him in, he usually has somekind of relationship with Chie if he isn't dating me. They seem to be a pretty popular couple with Authors.

"Oh? That's great, partner. Do you plan on telling her?" He looks at me, with a blush on his cheeks. If this story is just me being a wingman, it'll be easy. Boring and cliche, probably, but easy. "I bet she probably likes you two." She's one of those crazy, tsundere girls. You know the type. Least, that's how she is with Yosuke.

"Really? Y-you think so?"

I nod my head, patting his back like any good friend would. "I do! Come on, I'll go be your wingman."

"Thanks, Souji! You're the best partner a guy could ask for."

Am I the only one who thinks the way he calls me partner is really, really gay? Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I'm not the only one, right? I stand up with him and nod my head. "Lead the way, partner." He walks towards the stairs, only to stop in his tracks. "Yosuke?" He doesn't move.

Crap.

Remember the rules, Reader? Yosuke suddenly starts walking backwards, back to me. He sits down on the vent as my own body feels like it is being pulled on. Like the puppet strings connected to me are dragging me around, back to my seat. It's a weird feeling going back in time. I can see everything move, but nothing moves right. Clouds go backwards, birds fly in reverse, and people...

I shudder a bit at the sight of Yosuke being reversed. People just look so weird like that. I don't know if it's the fact that seeing them like that reminds me I'm trapped in a story, without any control of my fate, or if it just unnerving to watch, like somekind of mockery of human movement. Probably both.

Anyways, Yosuke's sitting beside me again, talking, completely ignorant of what the hell just happened. "I think I like Chie. As more than a friend."

The story didn't like my response, that's why things went backwards. See what I mean know? I need to say something the Author will like, or I'll be trapped here. I used to hate moments like this, hell, I still do, but after living through it a few hundred times, mind-breaking terror and the revelation that free will is nonexistent get kind of dull.

You should have seen me a few stories ago. No snarks comments or jokes there.

"Souji? You listening, dude?"

"Huh? Sorry, Yosuke. I'm listening, don't worry."

"Okay...? So what should I do, dude?!" He asked.

Okay. So the story doesn't want me to help Yosuke? Kind of dickish. Wait, unless... "You and Chie? I don't really see that working out. I mean, doesn't she kick you all the time?"

"Y-yeah, but... I mean-"

"I mean, when you get right down to it, Chie is a huge bitch. She attacks you, Yosuke. You were nearly hospitalized when you broke her Trial of the Dragon disk." I've never actually seen this happen, but it has come up so many times over the course of so many stories, it feels like one of the many patterns and constants in the stories I end up in. I took a gamble, and it seemed to hit the mark as Yosuke scratched his head.

"Well, yeah! But-"

"But what? You're really telling me you want to be with someone who belittle and beats you? That sounds like the very basis of an abusive relationship, Yosuke."

He's stunned silent and I smile internally. There. No reversing so far, so that's good. Yosuke blinks a couple of times as he rubs the back of his neck. "I... I never thought of it like that. Jeez, Souji..."

"Just looking out for you, partner."

"Shit... I... I think I need to do some thinking," sighed Yosuke.

"That sounds like a good idea. Have a good day, Yosuke."

"Yeah... Right." He shakes his head as he turns on his heel and walks away. He doesn't look happy, but maybe this is what he needed to hear. I have to admit, part of me feels bad. I've seen Chie and Yosuke enter a good relationship where they honestly love one another and help each other, but if this is what the story wanted me to do, I can't change it.

I'm just another puppet on the strings, y'know?

Wait... Shit! He stopped. "Yosuk-?" I try to call out to him, but my lips freeze mid word. I can't move. Shit! We're reversing! He starts walking backwards as I curse in my mind. Damn it, damn it, damn it... He walks backwards, sitting back down beside me as I look at my options.

"I think I like Chie. As more than a friend."

Damn it. I let out a heavy sigh and think. Supporting them failed. Being against them failed. What else can I say?

"Souji? What do you thi-?"

I punch Yosuke across the cheek, knocking him off the vent and onto the ground. He hits the tiled floor, laying there, bleeding from his mouth. I stare at him, and for a moment, I wonder... Was that the right option?

Shit, I hope not. I just did that cause I was annoyed! I thought he was going to reverse again!

"Yosuke?"

He isn't moving.

"Yosuke?"

Shit. Oh, wait! He's moving!

"What the hell was that for?!" Yosuke screamed, opening his eyes and holding his bloody lip. I think I knocked a tooth out. Part of me feels really bad for what I just did, but on the other hand, the story hasn't reversed yet.

So this is what I'm meant to do?! Are you kidding me?!

"What the hell is wrong with you, dude?! Ahhh! Shit!" Yosuke screamed, holding his mouth.

I want to apologize, but I don't think I'm supposed to. Sorry, Yosuke, but I think I know what the Author wants me to do. "You can't like Chie."

"What the hell are you talking about?!"

He's talking really well without that tooth. "I like Chie."

"What?! But you're dating Rise!"

I am? "I am... But I like Chie too."

"What the hell, dude!? You're going to cheat on Rise!"

"No." I try to talk confidently, but honestly? I have NO idea what I'm doing. "But I like Chie too."

"So?! You're dating an idol! Why the hell should you get her and Chie?!" I don't really know how to answer. So I just look away, like I'm ashamed. I kind of am. I mean, I'm acting like a huge jerk, but this is the role I'm given. "Whatever... Shit. I'm going to the nurse's office." He turns and walks away again. This time, he doesn't stop or reverse.

"Really?" I mumble, looking up. Fuck you, Author. I'm an asshole in this story! Damn it... This is NOT my Perfect Story. All the same, I'm going to have to go through the motions to get out of it. I wait a few minutes, before I start walking too. I go down the stairs and head for the exit, only to run into Chie and her friend, Yukiko.

What a contrived, poorly written coincidence.

"Souji-kun!" Yukiko greets, waving at me.

"Oh... H-hey, Chie. Yukiko." I wave back. Shit, this is awkward. Hope they didn't see Yosuke.

"Hey, Souji! What are you doing here?" Chie asked, smiling at me.

Man, she's always so nice to me, but an utter bitch to Yosuke... Lady's got issues. "I had to help a teacher out afterschool," I lie. They, and the Author, accept it. Good.

"You too, huh? Heh, the teachers really need to actually do their job," Chie joked.

"I'm sure they do their best," Yukiko defended, speaking calmly and gently as she always did.

"Not hard enough," the brunnete mumbled. "Anyways, Souji, you still up for heading to the beach in a few days?"

I guess I'm going to the beach. Wheee. "Yeah. Can't wait."

"Cool! We should probably get home then. Homework is such a pain for us non-geniuses," she sighed. "Come on, Yukiko. See ya later, Souji-kun!" Chie waves goodbye to me before she runs past me. I wave goodbye to her too as I wonder what this scene was needed. I mean, it did tell me I'm going to the beach soon. Was it supposed to show me that I like Chie? I didn't feel anything, so-

Yukiko is kissing my cheek. I feel her soft lips against my skin as I slowly opened my mouth to bid her goodbye. She pulls back slightly, rubbing her tongue against my flesh as I stare at her, blushing wildly. W-why am I blushing?! Why is my heart racing...? Yukiko looks at me and grins, winking at me as she presses her supple breasts against my chest.

"I bought an extra skimpy swimsuit for it. Don't leave me waiting, my Prince," she giggled, before biting my earlobe. I swallow spit up, too scared to move as she takes her time licking my ear.

What the fuck is happening?

"Dress lightly," she practically moaned into my ear. Then she turned and ran after Chie, leaving me standing in the school hallway, ear coated in Yukiko's saliva.

Holy shit.

Pi-pi-pi-pi.

Huh? My phone? I wipe my face of Yukiko's spit, shuddering a bit at what the hell just happened. I take out my phone and look at it. I have a text message from... Rise... My girlfriend, apparently.

Senpai wana go shopping with me tomorow? gotta pick out a nice swimsuit for the beach! 3 kiss kiss kiss love you!

"..."

I think I'm in a poorly written romance story and... Shit. The end of the story! I didn't even notice!

Okay, guess you have to go, Reader. While you go, I'll stay here and try to figure out what I'm supposed to do. I (apparently) have a crush on Chie, I'm dating Rise, and I'm cheating on her with Yukiko. I'm either an asshole or a protagonist in some poorly written Harem story. Yosuke's bleeding because I punched him and we're going to the beach soon.

Status report? Lost, confused, panicky, and sweaty.

We are not off to a good start so far, Reader. Please leave somekind of good news for me in a review, because I'm not sure what the hell I'm supposed to do!

END

Our main hero is trapped in a poorly written love story! Oh the horror!

The point of this story? Just to mess around and poke fun at story cliches. That, and I like the idea of a character being aware he's in a poorly written story.

What should our hero do next, folks? Leave a suggestion in a review giving Souji advice, or just tell him to stay strong. Or tell him the Author hates him. Or that he shouldn't complain about so many girls liking him.

Or don't leave a review. No pressure.

Have a good day. Take care and stay safe!