AN: I was supposed to write an essay about the history of western literature but this happened instead. So, who ever is reading this: you're welcome. This is going to be a bigger series, a rewrite basically. I have a lot of ideas and some more and less major changes to the story line but you'll see. This is my first attempt at fanfiction and English isn't my mother language (all hail Finland), just saying guys... If you want to know more about anything review or pm and I'll be back for the second chapter. Enjoy!

"Have you got everything, your dress, undergarments, enough food? How about your personal stuff?"
"Yes mom, I have everything. You checked twice already" Merlin sighs softly to her fussing mother. She was about ready to go but Hunith seems to want to keep her daughter in the house with her a little bit more. She's not the only one. Merlin too wants this moment to stop for a little while longer.

"Oh, Will gave me this. Tuck your braid in, it'll hide your hair. We thought it will be safer for you to travel as a boy."
"Thank you mom, it's perfect." Merlin puts on the brown cap her mother handed to her. She doesn't really get the idea of crossdressing, She thinks she is still a bit too feminine to really go as a young boy rather than a young girl. It's a bit ridiculous really. Merlin thinks about all the bindings and clothes it took to disguise her. She comes to the conclusion that at least from far she'll look convincing.

Hunith was still pacing around their little cottage, checking if her daughter will need anything. Merlin takes in the sight fondly, trying to memorize every little detail of her dear mom. Hunith is very pretty, beautiful really. Merlin thinks she was a heartbreaker when she were younger. Well, at least before her. Who'd want to father a bastard child after all, she thinks bitterly. Merlin wants to think that her father loved her, but why would he have left if he did? Her mom doesn't like to talk about it. She has asked, but the subject pains Hunith so much she eventually dropped her questioning. She knows Hunith loved him. Merlin can see it in her eyes in a flash before the pain whenever she mention her father in any way.

Hunith gets a piece of parchment from a jar and reads it through. Merlin wonders what it says. Knowing her mom it's a list of things she thinks Merlin will need for her journey and new life, but instead of putting it back she folds it and
"It's a letter to Uncle Gaius. Could you please give it to him when you arrive?"
"Of course mom, you can count on me. What does it say?"
"Oh, just a little of our happenings in here, which isn't much as you know. But he's old and will be glad to hear a little about me too." Merlin smiles to her mother and grabs her in to a hug. Hunith smells wonderful in Merlin's opinion, like fields and forest and a bit of herbs. She smells like mothers do.

Merlin closes her eyes and tries to fight back the tears. It's the first time in her entire life she'll be leaving Hunith alone for more than a few hours. She's afraid that her mom will grew lonely or fall ill or something and she can't manage life without Merlin. She really doesn't want to leave her alone.

Hunith sensing her daughters distress strokes her hair and murmurs comforting words to her dearest softly. "My dear girl, you'll be fine. Gaius may be strict and old, but he loves you and will be a terrific teacher. You know he thought me how to read and write. He's a very wise man. You'll be fine."

Merlin wants to tell her why she feels upset, that she doesn't care about herself and her life and that she's worried about her mother but Hunith would only tell her off for concerning herself with Hunith's well being rather than her own. So she just tightens her hold and lingers a little while longer.

"I love you mom"
"And I love you my little bird"

With a last little squeeze Merlin steps out of the embrace and with a wave slings her belongings to her back and walks out of the house.

Ealdor looks the same as always on this Tuesday morning.. Few houses here and there, few fields here and there. The two cows they have in their village are already out in the field but the chickens are still sleeping like most of the villagers. There's a little morning fog in the air so Merlin hopes she'll get to leave unnoticed by everyone. Unfortunately in her opinion, she has no such luck. Will is leaning on the village's fence with a slightly disapproving frown on his face, waiting for Merlin to arrive next to him.

"I see lil' sis is sneaking around all by herself. That isn't an approved behavior for a good lil' girly, isn't it?"
"Shut it you git."
"Ah ah ah, language Merlin."

Merlin laughs a little and walks to him. Will's eyes are twinkling with mischief and his lips are tucking in to a boyish grin. Merlin pouts and joins him in the joke.
"You know I'm a big girl. I'm eighteen years old. I can take care of myself" she declares with a childish voice.

Will's good mood seems to deflate at that comment. He's sad and worried to see her go but there isn't anything to do about it now. "I know" he answers solemnly. "I just hope you didn't have to leave, and don't you dare say otherwise. You have a knack for adventure and now you'll finally see the bigger world outside Ealdor."

Merlin tries to find words to deny him, but when she finds none she just grins disheartenedly and remarks about how amazing Camelot must be.

"Ealdor will be even smaller without you here."
"Yeah, like that would be possible."
"It's a day and a half's walk. You should probably go. I'll miss you."
"Don't you have too much fun without me."
"Yeah, like that would be possible." Merlin grins when Will fires her words back at her and with a hug for her best friend she finally sets a foot out of her home village.

The day walking is beautiful. It's sunny but cool spring day and the birds are singing finally after the long winter. Merlin got to travel more length of her journey on the first day than she intended to so she should arrive at Camelot by mid day tomorrow. Now it's getting quite dark already since the days aren't that long yet so she has gathered some firewood and lit a flame to them. Merlin can't catch sleep though. She thinks about her mother, Gaius and her new life. She got curious about her moms letter so she read it after she got settled for the night. Merlin knows that it wasn't for her to read but she couldn't help it. She's reading the letter again and again carefully, trying to make out what exactly is her mom trying to tell with it.

"My dear Gaius,
I turn to you for I feel lost and alone and don't know who to trust. It is every mother's fate to think her child is special, and yet I would give my life that Merlin were not so. Ours is a small village and she is so clearly at odds with people here that, if she were to remain, I fear what would become of her. She needs a hand to hold, a voice to guide, someone that might help her find a purpose for her gifts. I beg you, if you understand a mother's love for her daughter, keep her safe, and may God save you both.
Hunith"

Was she a burden to her mom? Is magic a bad thing since her mother wishes she didn't have it? Why can't she help her? Why Gaius and not Hunith herself? Could she become evil? Is she a monster? These and tons of other similar questions swirl around in her mind and confuse her further. Why does she have to go to Camelot? It's not that she doesn't love a good adventure but still, her mother sent her away. These thoughts plague Merlin's mind until she drifts to sleep from exhaustion. Her last thought is a wish to God to remain at peace this night without anyone to disrupt her dreams.

The last part of her journey is the most difficult. The forest is thick and the ground still slippery from last night's coldness. But the minute Merlin sees the great white walls of Camelot she thinks everything is worth it. The sky is blue above the tall towers that each has a bright red flag flying on top. The rooftops looks like they are made of pure silver while the white tiles glimmers almost gold in the bright sun. The castle has a feeling of festival surrounding it but even though it's still a while away Merlin senses a bit of sadness and grief vibrating from the great city. It is a curious thing and it makes Merlin want to get there even faster than before.

Just as Merlin is taking the first step in the final phase of her journey she hear hooves clattering on the ground coming towards her. Before she can turn around something knocks her in the head and another thing grabs her pack and rides away. Merlin feels a little dazed but stands up quickly and starts cursing the thieves.

"You bastards, that's all I have! Why don't you steal from someone of your equal or better yet superior! They would probably have something to offer you cowards! I hope you like that dress!"

When the thieves have vanished from eyes sight Merlin continues her way grumbling about damned back boneless bandits though after the annoyance wears of a little she will be greatful that she placed her mothers letter, a bit of gold and her craving of a dragon in a little pouch on her belt.

Camelot's lower towns streets are full of life and colours. There's more people than Merlin has ever seen in her entire life her seen people consisting of Ealdor and a few passing travelers by the years. The festive feeling is more intense than it was from the outside of the gates but Camelotians seem to be a bit cautious. She wonders how that comes and tries to figure out the source of the grief she felt before. When she finally enters the courtyard a deep proud voice stops her in front of a chopping block.

"Let this serve as a lesson to all. This man, Thomas James Collins, is adjudged guilty of conspiring to use enchantments and magic. And, pursuant to the laws of Camelot, I, Uther Pendragon, have decreed that such practices are banned on penalty of death. I pride myself as a fair and just king, but for the crime of sorcery, there is but one sentence I can pass."

Uther Pendragon stands tall and regal on a balcony surrounded by red caped men who Merlin reckons to be either knights or guards. A faint panic starts to born in her chest in the kings words. Magic is illegal? Banned with a death sentence? Uther Pendragon gives his sign to the executioner and in a second Thomas Collins is beheaded. Merlin doesn't hear the gasps

of the crowd or the speech of the king. All she can think about is the fresh wave of grief that flashes over her. It's more sorrowful and angry than the one she felt before but she can tell the source is from the same old woman that her eyes fell on the moment Collins' head rolled over the pavement.

"There is only one evil in this land, and it is not magic! It is you! With your hatred and your ignorance! You took my son!" Tears gather in Merlin's eyes from the intensity of the woman's emotions and from sympathy. This is what it feels to lose one's own child. "And I promise you, before these celebrations are over, you will share my tears. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a son for a son."

Uther gives an order to seize the old woman but she is gone the moment the order is given. When the feeling of vengeance is gone she feels a different emotion and her eyes find a glimpse of raven black hair in one of the castle's windows but the person is gone before she can see their face just like the emotion is gone before she can figure out just what exactly it is.

The court physicians chambers are in one of the towers and Merlin just has to wonder how practical that can be. How many sick people can have the strength to climb the stairs and how hard is it to carry injured ones in a rounded and narrow staircase? It is probably pretty annoying after a few times she believes. The door to the chambers is a grey wooded one with a simple iron ring on the left side which allows the door to open inwards. On the inside the chamber is filled with many books, herbs and pots and containers with some very random things lying around here and there. Like the rabbit shaped mask on the table closest to the door. Or the gray ball on a opposite stool which reminds Merlin of a blowfish from one tales she has heard from the travelers.

There is a old man in a shaky looking loft who Merlin assumes to be her great uncle Gaius. He doesn't seem to notice her entering so she calls him a few times but when he turns around to see who the arriver is the railing of the loft breaks and he falls. Time seems to slow down around the chamber and Merlin wills a bed move towards the falling man from the corner and a second later Gaius is laying on is bed in a great cloud of dust.

"What did you just do?!" Merlin hesitates and thinks if she can get herself off of this one.
"Tell me!"
"I—I-I have no idea what happened." She stutters and mentally slaps herself. Barely half an hour in Camelot and she is already in trouble she can't get out, at least not like this!
"If anyone had seen that..."
"Er, no! That-that was- that was nothing to do with me. That-that was..." And down we go.

"I know what it was! I just want to know where you learned how to do it!"
"Nowhere. " Even better
"So how is it you know magic?"
"I don't. "
"Where did you study? Answer me!" Cold fear starts to make it's way to Merlin. Caught by a first person she talks to in Camelot, that must be a record. So she speaks the truth after a lost fight.
"I-I've never studied magic or, or been taught."
"Are you lying to me, boy?" She's too terrified to make the correction. What does it matter anyway?
"What do you want me to say?"
"The truth!"
"I was born like this!"
"That's impossible!"
"And yet here I am!"

Gaius looks taken back a little by this and Merlin's face is set in defiance. She hates people doubting her existence and persona. The old man recovers fairly quickly who she is confusion and a hint of annoyance lining his features.
"Oh, erm... I do have this letter for you... from my mother." She get's the piece of parchment from her pouch and hands it over.
"I don't have my glasses."
"Oh, my name is Merlin" She is a little more relaxed and she grins slightly out of relief that the little episode is over at least for now.

"Hunith's... son?" He asks doutbfully. "I thought she had a daughter and a daughter only."
"Oh, I am a girl. This outfit must be more convincing than I thought after all."
Gaius doesn't comment on her musings and exclaims after pause that she shouldn't have arrived till Wednesday. "Um, it is Wednesday" she tells him quietly. The situation would probably be amusing if Merlin wasn't still a bit afraid about her faith in Camelot.

The physician points to a little door in the back of the main chamber and tells her to put her things away in there. Merlin goes to do as he says but hesitates at the stairs and turns around to look at her great uncle not quite meeting his eyes.
"You- you won't say anything about, erm..."
"No. Although, Merlin, I should say thank you." She acknowledges him with a little nod and hurries in the back room.

She sighs out of relief leaning against the now closed door. Her mother would have dragged her out of the grave and killed her again if she had gotten herself executed in the first day. She grimaces for her lack of lying skills when she recalls the moment in her mind. Life is going to be hard if she can't pull herself together and fast. Well, at least she got her adventure.

When the night has fallen she opens up the window in her room and looks down at the city. When she thought that Camelot from the outside was the most beautiful sight she has ever seen she contemplates her opinion night. The soft lights dancing around the lower town with faint music playing gives her a feeling of peace. Its beauty is very different from the magnificent walls in the sun light but just as beautiful in every way.

She drifts to sleep with the cool wind brushing against her skin from the open window and the voices of the lower town easing up with her thoughts. Her dreams are filled with images from her childhood, emotions of sorrow and grief of losing ones child and a deep faintly familiar voice calling her name.