Author's Note: I do not own Kuroko no Basket, and all rights go to Fujimaki Tadatoshi.

Fic idea inspired by The Trouble with Boys by Perryels. I greatly recommend that anyone who likes GoM humor fics to read this author's story. It's fantastic.

Chapter One: Visiting Akashi (Part I)

In the Case of Kuroko Tetsuya

"Eh? Visiting?"

Kuroko simply nods at his coach - as well as everyone else who had stopped practice to unsubtly overhear their conversation.

"You'll be skipping practice next week to visit the manor of your former captain," the PMS-ing coach states, eye already twitching in annoyance.

"Yes."

Everybody on court takes a step back as suddenly a dark aura appears around their very, very scary female coach. Everyone is already praying for their Phantom Sixth Man to make it out of the conversation in one piece and possibly not dead by the time Riko's done with him.

"Exactly, why the hell would I allow you to skip practice for visiting, Kuroko-kun?" the Seirin players freeze in terror as what seemed to be a demon came out from Riko's body, holding a chainsaw and a bloody kitchen knife.

They take another three steps back, leaving their teal-haired teammate to defend for himself.

"If there is any problem, Akashi-kun has already settled it," Kuroko adds calmly, flipping his phone open and passing it over to their coach.

"O-Oi...Kuroko...how the hell can Akashi settle that?" Kagami hisses in fear, eyeing the demonic female cautiously.

Kuroko looks up at him, and gives an assured smile - could you even call a muscle twitch a smile? - and gently pats his partner's shoulder.

"You should trust Akashi-kun's negotiation skills a bit more, Kagami-kun."

And as if on cue, the dark aura around their coach subsides, and the Seirin basketball team sans Kuroko stop breathing at the sudden diffusion of Riko's anger. In fact, it didn't seem as if there was even any anger left in her anymore. Whatever was on Kuroko's phone made the Seirin coach pale.

"May I go then, Coach?" Kuroko asks innocently.

Riko whips her head at him and fucking squeaks, before realizing who she was talking to and practically shoves the phone back to her invisible player.

"Y-You may go, Kuroko-kun."

Kuroko slowly takes back his phone and thanks his terrified coach - who has begun sitting on the floor in a fetal position and rocking back and forth, muttering something that made Furihata back away from her slowly.

"O-Oi...what was on that phone, Kuroko!?" Hyuga demands - along with basically everyone else, never seen the coach act like that before.

The entire team watches Kuroko closely, and for a moment, Kuroko smirks.

"You don't want to know."

He leaves the basketball court quietly, leaving his team to quietly fear of the former captain of the Generation of Miracles and the surprising vindictiveness of their Phantom Sixth Man.

"...diediediediediediedie..." Riko chants lowly, her soul already leaving her body.

"O-OI! COACH! YOUR SOUL!"

"Did Coach get her soul soul-ed?"

"SHUT UP IZUKI!"

Never mind! We don't want to know! everybody thinks at the same time while trying to bring back Riko's soul (?).

In The Case of Kise Ryouta

Kasamatsu starts off his morning by kicking his insufferable kohai in the face.

"ARE YOU STUPID? RYOUTA!"

The handsome blonde whines and caresses his bruised face. He was a model, dammit! Couldn't his boyfriend - I mean senpai - have any mercy? Honestly...

"It's just for a week~ I'll work extra hard once I come back. Promise, senpai!" Kise begs eagerly to his easily-prone-to-violence captain.

Kasamatsu pinches the bridge of his nose, holding back the urge to kick the idiot again.

"The practice match with Shuutoku is in two weeks, and you - our Ace - is skipping practice to hang out with your Generation of Miracles buddies?" Kasamatsu growls out, glaring at the easygoing blonde heatedly. Said blonde holds up his hands in surrender, sweatdropping.

"It's Akashicchi's order~ it's not like I can ignore it. And Kurokocchi will be there! I can't miss it for the world ~suu!" Kise explains excitedly, his golden-yellow eyes lighting up in pure joy.

Kasamatsu - much to Kise's shock - pouts slightly. The shorter of the two is still jealous and a little bit annoyed that Kise still obsesses over his 'Kurokocchi' on a daily basis but knows Kise would never actually choose the teal-haired boy over him - but he had to get Kise to change his mind about this somehow!

"So it's Kuroko you're looking forward to meeting, huh? I guess I'm not good enough for you then..." Kasamatsu fake-sighs, shaking his head in disappointment.

And for some reason, Kise falls for it.

"N-No! It's not true ~suu! Yukio-senpai, you know I love you tons ~suu!" Kise pleads, eyes wide and panicked as he picks up his senpai in his arms and hugs him, "I'll never leave you~ not even for Kurokocchi!"

Kasamatsu's eyes glint in satisfaction outside the model's peripheral vision.

"Really?"

The blonde nods hastily into his senpai's hair. Jeez, he was such a puppy.

"Then you'll skip the manor visit and attend practice?"

Kise stops nuzzling the Kaijou captain and looks at him with a put-off pout.

"That's dirty play, senpai."

Kasamatsu stares up to his boyfriend with an unamused expression.

"You can't skip practice," the Kaijou captain orders firmly.

Kise looks at him with those infamous puppy dog eyes of his and hugs him closer.

"Ple~ase? Yu-ki-o~cchi~?"

Kasamatsu looks away indignantly, a light blush crawling up his face.

"No."

"I make sure we'll win against Midorimacchi's school when I come back! I'll work extra hard!"

"Still, no."

Kise slinks his hand under his senpai's basketball uniform and presses his lips against his ear.

"I'll make it up to you, senpai~" the blonde purrs seductively into Kasamatsu's ear, his other hand tightening its hold on his waist. The older male feels shivers ricocheting up his spine at the innuendo and is trying to tone down the blush that's hitting atomic levels at their closeness.

"I'll even let you top me once I get back~," the blonde adds.

And that's when Kasamatsu surrenders.

He shoves the tall blonde away from him, face flushed and fists balled tightly. Kise thinks he's about to kick him again, but he notices the spot of desire in his senpai's eyes and his face curls into a smile.

"I'm keeping you to your word, Ryouta," Kasamatsu glares darkly, daring the blonde to back out.

"Hai~! Does this mean I get to go ~suu?" Kise asks hopefully.

"Yes," Kasamatsu sighs in defeat.

"YAYYYY~! I LOVE YOU SENPAI~!" Kise cheers happily as he throws himself onto the smaller male and tackles him to the floor, assaulting him with sloppy kisses and loud declarations of his love for senpai.

"You guys are so whipped for each other," the rest of the Kaijou basketball team voice out in unison, who had all went completely ignored throughout the entire exchange.

Coach Takeuchi's yells at Kise for not getting permission from him of all people also went completely ignored.

In The Case of Midorima Shintarou

"Coach says this counts for a total of 21 whims," Ootsubo says in his most deadpan voice, "So..."

Miyaji gives Midorima such a bloodthirsty, predatory smile that every first year - except Takao, who's laughing his ass off - present to witness it shirks back and takes cover behind said green-haired shooter's life-sized panda idol.

"Prepare yourself, Midorima."

Midorima nods, half-frozen in fear as he spins around rigidly and heads for the door.

In The Case of Aomine Daiki (and Momoi Satsuki)

Aomine doesn't even bother showing up for practice.

Momoi manages to convince Coach Harasawa to let Aomine and herself skip practice for the next week. Key word: convince. The pinkette practically tore a new one into her coach when he tried to stop her from 'seeing Tetsu-kun'.

The entire team huddles together in utter terror when their manager happily skips past them while waving good-bye.

Imayoshi waves back.

In The Case of Murasakibara Atsushi

"Is Masako-chin on her period today?"

Himuro looks up at the purple-haired giant who's casually shoving several chips into his mouth and then towards their shinai-wielding female Coach. For a person who normally puts up a calm and elegant disposition, seeing her smile can literally frighten demons.

"Probably not. And that's sexist, Atsushi," Himuro admonishes him lightly.

"Mmm...sorry Muro-chin," Mursakibara mutters, not sounding sorry at all.

"Why do you ask though?"

Murasakibara practically inhales his packet of chips before answering the pretty boy.

"Wanted to ask something. Don't want her to get mad at me and hit me~."

Himuro is understandably confused, but hides it well.

"Why?"

"I'm visiting Aka-chin next week. Gotta skip practice."

Himuro pales slightly and sweatdrops. Indeed, that request would not go down well with Coach Araki. She was already in a weird mood after getting a call from Touou's and Kaijou's coach and he couldn't tell whether she was smiling from happiness or from annoyance. Or both.

"Good luck, Atsushi," Himuro says encouragingly.

Murasakibara nods as he stands up and walks towards their smiling female coach. Himuro can't really do much but pray for the purple-haired center, so he simply waits for Murasakibara to come back.

When Murasakibara returns, his face is expressionless and has a lollipop stuffed in his mouth.

"...So?" Himuro asks after a minute of silence.

"She said it's okay~."

Himuro blinks, a tiny bit shocked by the answer.

"She also says to 'crush their Aces' Ki-chin and Mine-chin for her," Murasakibara adds, lazily sucking onto the lollipop.

...What?

In The Case of Seijuurou Akashi

Halfway through practice, the regulars are already walking on thin ice around their demon captain. Not because one of them screwed up or anything, but it's just so unnerving to have the Akashi Seijuurou actually in a good mood throughout practice, and the fact that he hadn't thrown scissors at anyone all day made them question whether somebody went and kidnapped the redhead and whoever this was was an imposter.

"Akashi, are you alright?" Mayuzumi broke the ice.

Ahhh! He asked it! Mibuchi, Hayama and Nebuya consecutively flinch.

Akashi, who had only been overlooking the practice the whole time, simply smiles at their phantom player. Was he back to his 'old Akashi' again? No wait...both his eye colors were still mismatched, so...?

"Of course I am, Chihiro. I'm simply thinking."

Mayuzumi decides to continue his line of questioning, a feeling of unease building up inside him. Why did he care whether Akashi was in a good mood or not? Well, not having his training menu quadrupled at the captain's whim was a nice bonus, but still...

"About what?"

Akashi smiles wider. Somewhere out there, a cat just straight up killed itself.

"Who will take over me next week."

Eh?

"Sei-chan...you're leaving us?" Mibuchi asks in surprise.

Akashi nods. "I'll be having some visitors over for a week stay in my manor. I was thinking that Reo could be the temporary captain during my absence."

"Ehhh? Really? Thank you, Sei-chan!" Mibuchi cheers happily to himself, much to the horror of the other three regulars.

Ah...shit... Nebuya curses, already sweating buckets from the mental image.

Erk...Reo-nee as captain? Hayama gulps nervously.

...

"Starting now, Sei-chan?"

Mayuzumi swears he saw a flash of pure, unadulterated sadistic delight pass through Akashi Seijuurou's eyes during that one millisecond time gap.

"Yes."

Mibuchi spins around to face his team, a radiant yet dangerous smile on his effeminate face.

"Alright everyone~ triple training to whoever doesn't shave their body hair by next Monday~!" Mibuchi cheerfully announces.

"WHAT!?"

This...may be bad...

Mayuzumi decides he should go visit the temple later and pray for his mental health...and possibly the loss of his precious manly body hair.

Damn you, Akashi.

Author's Note:

How was that? Good? Bad? Still angry that I haven't updated any of my TMR fics yet?

Well...um...sorry about that. As you all know, I have the attention span of a fly (?) and I'm really bad at commitment so there's a pretty low chance I ain't continuing any of my TMR fics in a long, long time. Man, no wonder I can't get a boyfriend. Also, if anyone has any complaints about the formatting of this fic, come PM me so I can re-format it so the text is at the side and not the middle.

Anyways~ here are the explanations for my choices.

1. I'm really bad at timelines so this is like a side-fic from the Winter Cup arc.

^Honestly I don't know when this fic takes place just go with it.

2. I made Riko into some PMS-ing demon. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry to any girls who have been offended by that. Kind of.

3. You really do not want to know what Akashi blackmailed Riko with.

4. KasaKise are canon in this. Shut up.

5. For some reason, I made all the generally nice characters who are rarely scary apparently terrifying as fuck here (eg. Momoi).

6. In Murasakibara's case, Coach Araki dislikes Harasawa and Takeuchi, the coaches from Touou and Kaijou respectively. Harasawa because she can't handle him and Takeuchi because he tried to ask her to go out with him. That's why when she gets calls from both of them complaining about their Aces being rebellious (and in Harasawa's case, Momoi tearing a new one into him) she's both happy and annoyed that the former got his shit whipped by a girl and the latter for just calling her to complain. Thus, asks Murasakibara to 'avenge her' (?).

Shut up, I know I don't make sense.

7. Also, Mibuchi as temporary captain. Best decision ever. Go me!

Drop a review!