I. Ax with Loren and Tobias

This section is set between chapters 3 and 4.

"Ax," Loren said, passing me more of the delicious hot chocolate, "what happened between you and Jake?"

I drank hot chocolate. I said stiffly, "What do you mean?"

"He asked you to stay behind after out meeting with Tidwell," Tobias said. "And I saw a peregrine falcon fly out of my territory about an hour later."

It was pointless to avoid it further. "He wished to discuss Chapman's kidnapping. Nap-p-ping. Dissss-cusssss."

"What happened that night?" Loren said, leaning forward in her seat. "Marco looked shaken at our meeting the next morning."

I saw Tobias's mouth turn downward, and Elhariel shift nervously from foot to foot. He had been showing more emotion on his human face, lately, and Elhariel in her body, too, though as far as I knew he was morphing human no more often than before. As I studied him, I got a feeling that he already knew the answer to Loren's question.

I switched to thought-speech, because I did not want to repeat words or stumble, not for this. «Kidnapping was not all we did. Prince Jake wanted the kidnapping to appear plausible. For there to be a reason why the Andalite bandits had taken him away. He ordered me to torture Chapman for information.»

Loren went very still. "What did you do?"

«I refused him. I told him I would not.»

"You said no to Jake." Tobias stared at me.

"I remembered what you told us, Loren. About Elfangor. What Alloran ordered him to do. To-do, to-do. I remembered what happened in the other world, where Elfangor helped you speak out against the genocide of your species. And I thought – Elfangor would have said no."

"That was very brave of you, Ax," Loren said.

"I understand. Derrrrr. Stand. Prince Jake is not a trained soldier. And his family was at risk. Risk-uh. He could not think clearly. He was angry. After I left, he tortured Chapman instead."

A heavy silence fell. I drank hot chocolate. Prince Jake had no one to speak to about this, like I did. Perhaps Marco. All the same, I was grateful Tobias and Loren would listen.

Tobias said, "We can't do that. If one of us gets captured or killed or whatever – we can't fall apart like Jake did. I wouldn't want either of you to end up like that, if it happened to me." Elhariel was perched on his folded hands, and he held her under his chin as he said, "Promise. Promise you won't just go on some awful revenging rampage."

"If you'll promise the same for me," Loren said.

"Andalites take solemn vows with blades at our own throats," I said. "Thrrrrroatsuh."

"I'd make a serious promise on a Bible," Loren said.

Tobias curled his little finger and held it out. "Pinky swear?"

Loren laughed and did the same with hers. They hooked their little fingers together and shook. "Pinky swear."

I mimicked the pose with my finger and did the same.

II. Marco with Luis

"How does it feel," Luis said, "to be more open with your friends about your panic attacks?"

"Okay, I guess," I said. "Cassie still pities me too much. But she's always been like that. And hey, everyone voted me leader even though they all know how screwed up I am. So that's something."

"So it wasn't as bad as you thought it would be."

I shrugged. "I guess not."

"Tell me about your panic attacks. Have you had any since the last time we had a session?"

I blew out a breath. "Yeah. I mean, there was the thing with Tom. Obviously. Jake… had a bad time." It didn't feel right to tell a total pacifist all about that night. "I had to stop him from doing some really scary things. And sometimes I couldn't stop him at all. After I spent the night reining him in, I had a panic attack. I couldn't take a Xanax because I was wiped and I needed to stay awake. So I did that progressive muscle relaxation thing you taught me, and the breathing exercises, and I got through it without the pills. So that was good."

"Absolutely," Luis said. "Good job."

"And you were there for the one I had when I saw Tom the way he was. The most recent one was last week. This one's, uh…" I squeezed and unsqueezed my hand around Dia's neck. "Kinda stupid."

"A panic attack doesn't have to be related to a serious wartime event to be valid," Luis said. "There are many people with relatively mundane lives who have panic attacks."

"Yeah. Okay, I guess you're right. It still does feel really small compared to the usual. Dad made a nice dinner and told me he wanted to Talk. Like, with a capital T. He's been dating my freaking math teacher, I knew that, but he told me it's getting serious. He talked about how great she is. And he said… he said she reminded him of Mom. The way she knew just the right thing to say to calm him down or resolve a fight. And I sat there eating my chicken and thinking, Mom wasn't really all that great at calming him down, and sometimes she could drag out a fight for days. But during the last year of their marriage, she did get better at those things. When she was Visser One. I went kind of crazy. I ran to my bedroom and took a Xanax and Dad kept knocking on the door but it was half an hour before I could talk to him again."

"Marco," Luis said. "That's not stupid. You're worried that your father loved Visser One more than he loved your mother."

I nodded and rubbed my face against Dia's scales.

"And you hoped that maybe if your parents reunited, your mother would change her mind about wanting to end her relationship with your father."

I didn't say anything. But Dia hissed softly, "We did. But now we can't hope that anymore."

"I understand," Luis said. "Have you seen the two of them together yet? Your father and his girlfriend?"

"Not for more than a few minutes at a time."

"Well, you'll have to prepare yourself for seeing them together. It might trigger another panic attack. Do you want to talk about ways to handle it?"

"Yeah. Yeah. Definitely don't want to have a mental breakdown in front of my freaking math teacher."

III. Cassie with Bachu

Rachel and Jake were with Tom. The other Animorphs had already left. But I leaned back against a tree, facing the yurt with the Peace Movement refugees inside, watching the Chee come in and out with supplies.

"You did an amazing job, Bachu," I said. "I mean, we helped a little, but you really made this happen."

"The Peace Movement, too," Bachu said. She stood near me, her Chow Chow dæmon facing the yurt, too, his tail thumping rhythmically against the ground. "Illim and Tidwell have built up an impressive network."

"I hope their Yeerks are okay," I said. "They're the ones who'll suffer for this. When will we know?"

"I'll check in with my spies tomorrow," Bachu said.

Quincy was in my left hand. I rubbed along his back with my right thumb. "I wish Aftran were here to see this. She'd be so proud."

"She knows what we're doing," Bachu said. "She and Eva got us the intel we needed to hack the Gleet BioFilters."

"Still. She didn't know for sure they'd pull it off. She'd love to see this. Peace Movement Yeerks helping to set their hosts free. Just like she did with Karen."

Bachu looked at me sideways. The sun was starting to set, and part of her face was in shadow. "It must be lonely. Being the only Animorph who really cares about a Yeerk."

I replied, "Isn't it lonely being the only Chee who really cares about a Yeerk?"

"It is," Bachu admitted. "None of them really understand what I got out of that partnership."

"Seeing the world through Aftran-colored glasses," I said. Or Aftran-pitched echoes, in Quincy's case. "It's a good view. Everything seems a little fuzzy without her, you know? Like when I've just demorphed from osprey, and everything seems so close up and vague."

"What are we going to do when she comes back?" Bachu said.

"Work out some kind of timeshare, I guess? I'm sure Rachel has a color-coded schedule for that."

"If you can convince her to make one? I'll put it in my memory banks."

IV. Jake and Tom with Luis

Two days after the human new-frees moved into the valley, I came back at night for some family therapy with Tom and Luis.

As I flew into the valley, my owl eyes saw right away that Tom's tent was set back up, even though he'd moved into the yurt five days ago. I demorphed and let myself into the tent.

Tom and Luis were inside. "Hey, Jake," Tom said, going right in for the hug. Merlyse became a wolverine and rubbed her cheek against Delareyne's.

"Tom," I said. "Why are you back in the tent?"

Tom's smile curdled into a snarl. "Those people are friends with the Yeerks, Jake! They all have Stockholm syndrome or something! I tried to make them see reason, but they wouldn't listen. Maybe I should be a role model to them, like you said, but I just can't handle living with people like that. It makes my skin crawl."

Shit, Merlyse said, backing away from Del a little. We should have seen this coming.

"You don't have to live with them if you don't want to," I said, keeping my voice calm. "But you shouldn't give up on trying to talk to them, okay? I want you to have friends out here, Tom."

"I'm not making any friends until they stop talking about Yeerks like they're old buddies."

"Okay, Tom. Fine. Make friends with Hork-Bajir, then. They definitely don't like Yeerks."

"I never heard anyone in the cages talking bullshit like that," Tom muttered. "Like they missed their Yeerks or something… they're like those traitors, the voluntary hosts." His head snapped up, and Del stared at Merl, her ears laid back flat against her skull. "Wait. Are these voluntary hosts? Did you free voluntary hosts on purpose?"

Merl and I traded a look. I wasn't going to lie to Tom. There would be no point. "Yes. But it's not what you think, Tom. It's – "

"There are people who've been enslaved for years – kids – and it's the voluntary Controllers you bring out here?" Tom's eyes were wild. "I thought you were like the Hork-Bajir! Freeing Controllers, giving them their lives back! But you're making deals with traitors!"

Luis cut in. "Maybe the two of you need a break from each other. Take some time to think about this conversation. We'll meet again some other time. Jake, come with me."

Tom just sat there, stiff with shock and betrayal, as I left the tent with Luis. We walked toward the stream. "Listen, Jake. I don't know what it's like to be a Controller, but from what he's said in his therapy sessions, Tom was subjected to the equivalent of extreme mental, emotional, and physical abuse for three years. He needs treatment. I feel confident in my diagnosis of bipolar I, and I'm going to start him on lithium very soon. He's agreed that it's a good idea. Once he's come down from this manic episode, you'll be able to have more constructive conversations with him."

In a burst of violence, Merlyse turned into a polar bear, walked up to a large rock by the stream, and knocked it in with a huge splash. The water roared and reshaped itself around the new obstacle. "It's not FAIR!" she screamed.

Zefirita, Luis's coyote dæmon, walked up to her and pricked up her ears, showing she was ready to listen.

"Marco got his mom back," Merlyse said. "She went through hell. She was a slave for just as long as Tom. But she was just as strong as she ever was. Stronger. He got his mom back just like she was before. And Delareyne looked like she was going to hurt me."

Zefirita looked up at Merl and said, "Think of all the growing people do from when they're fourteen to when they're seventeen. Think of all the growing you've done. Tom didn't get to have that. The Yeerks took a kid, isolated him, abused him, and stunted his growth. Literally. You can't compare him to a grown woman."

I dragged a hand slowly down my face. "Yeah. Okay. I get it. It's different. But it still isn't fair."

"It isn't fair for him either," Luis pointed out. "You get to see your brother several times a week, now. His mother is out there somewhere, deep behind enemy lines. He might be just as jealous of you."

"So you're saying that life sucks for both of us, so we should stick together?"

Zefirita batted at Merl with her paw. She sighed and turned into an Arctic wolf, padding back toward me with her anger drained away.

"I know Tom wasn't the comfort to you that you hoped he'd be," Luis said. "But you've always had someone to support you that way. You still do."

V. Rachel with Tobias

By unspoken agreement, Tobias and I flew right to his meadow after we left the Hork-Bajir valley. I demorphed and sat on a rock in the sunshine, and he morphed Yoort. Feeling him burrow into my brain through my ear barely even grossed me out anymore.

I had the memory ready to go. I sank into it with him. I was Fluffer McKitty, curled in Melissa's arms as she cried and cried and wondered what she'd done to make her parents not love her anymore. Ververet was a swallowtail butterfly on her face, his antennae wet with her tears. I wondered how many children were just like Melissa, their families stolen from them by the Yeerks. And Abineng and I swore to each other that we would do anything in our power to help kids like her.

«How long did it take me to forget that promise?» I asked Tobias. «A week, maybe?»

«Rachel,» Tobias said. «You can't save every kid like Melissa. None of us can. You're not being fair to yourself.»

«You're right. I can't. But I could at least care about saving them. And I stopped caring, Tobias. You know why I fight this war. You know better than anybody.»

«Maybe the reasons why you fight aren't as important as fighting for the right thing.»

«You don't believe that, Tobias. I know you don't.» Abineng snorted and tossed his head. «Whenever I think about the Yeerks breaking their promise to the Chapmans, taking Melissa, it makes me so angry I could choke. I could have checked on her, Tobias. If I – it's just – she was one of my closest friends, and I just stopped giving a shit!»

«Well, you give a shit now,» he pointed out.

«All of those people. Tom…» I showed Tobias what Tom was like, his sudden rages, his impossible dreams of helping the Hork-Bajir on their raids, his fits of despair at his own helplessness. I felt Tobias recoil in horror and sadness. «Melissa, the others. They need more than just a place to live, more than just freedom. They need someone who'll look out for them. Who'll stand up for them. Who's going to do that, Tobias?»

«Why not you?» Tobias said. «You care about them. I'm in a good position to know.»

«I cared about Melissa, or I thought I did, and look what happened.»

«All you can do is try to do better,» said Tobias. «That's all any of us can do. Besides, this time is different from back then. This time, I know what you want to do, and I'm going to help you.»

He crawled out of my ear and demorphed. Then he morphed again, to human. I watched him the whole time. I didn't want to look away and pretend the change from Tobias the Yoort to Tobias the boy was some kind of magic trick. It was messy, and gross, and tiring, and Tobias chose to do it anyway. For me.

"There's something you should know, too," Tobias said. "I recognized someone else from the new-frees. The other kid, Miguel."

"I thought he looked a little familiar. Who is he?"

Tobias looked up from Elhariel, who was perched on his fist and watching Abineng with bright fixed eyes, to me. His face was stony – not blank, like he'd forgotten how to have a face, but purposefully serious. (He and Elhariel remember how to show what they feel with their bodies, Abi said. I'm pretty sure he learned that from you.) Tobias said, "He's one of the bullies who used to hurt me. Before Jake chased them off."

He'd told me about that. There was a group of three boys who would beat him up, spit in his lunch, give him swirlies. "You don't need to worry about him. If he even looks at you funny, I'll – "

Tobias shook his head. "That's not it. I'm not afraid of him at all. Especially not after all he's been through. It's just that, I look at him and I think to myself, how was I ever afraid of him? How could I let some kid like him make my life hell? It's like I'm looking back at the kid Miguel used to bully, and I can't believe we're the same person."

Abineng looked down at Elhariel. "You're still a storm-petrel, aren't you? Still a little bird who can fly right through storms on the open ocean."

"You are the same person," I said. I let my hair fall across my face, felt the smooth weight of it on my cheek and my mouth. "Listen to you, thinking about what he's been through. You care more about that than how he bullied you. That's the Tobias I saw even before the construction site. Always thinking so much about other people, what it's like inside their heads."

Tobias studied my face. His own cheeks flushed pink. "You always do that," he blurted out.

"I do what?" Now my face was heating up.

"That thing with your hair across your face," Tobias said. "You always do that when you're thinking about kissing me."

Do I? I asked Abineng. I'd never noticed it.

Yeah. You kind of do. And he would know, wouldn't he?

I flicked my hair out of my face, grabbed Tobias by the shoulders, and crushed our faces together.

Tobias kept his eyes open. So did I. His eyes were amazing this close, brown with flecks of inky dark. Tobias didn't kiss like boys in the movies, grabbing the girl by the back of the head and molding her face to his. Instead, he melted into me and let me decide which way to lean, when to open my mouth, how fast and how much pressure. One of his hands drifted up my back to the nape of my neck, the other to the inside of my wrist. I gasped into his mouth. Both of those spots are really sensitive on my skin – it's why I like cashmere scarves for my neck and a soft wrist support in front of my computer keyboard. It was like he knew my body from the inside – because, of course, he did.

I pulled out of the kiss, because I didn't know where Elhariel was, and I wanted to see her. She was perched on Abi's horn, reaching down to nuzzle and nip at his ear. I leaned my forehead against Tobias's and giggled, because it was the only way to let out the feelings bubbling up from my chest.

"We should go," Tobias whispered.

"Why? I like it here."

"Because Ax just asked me in private thought-speak why our faces are so close, and whether I'm going to press my mouthparts to yours like the 'restless youths' do on TV."

We sagged against each other, laughing ourselves sick. "Oh, God," Abineng said. "Let's definitely get out of here."

VI. Melissa with Elgat Kar

Another experience to process: last night I went to Elgat Kar's new-free circle. Circles are what Hork-Bajir call a gathering for a special reason. Elgat invited all of us. But when I asked Julissa and Jamal if they were coming along, Julissa took Jamal's hand and shook her head. "Nah. We got our own ways of dealing."

I nodded and walked out into the evening cool, catching up with Robin and Miguel. There was a meeting rock where we were supposed to be. I'd already forgotten where it was, but Robin seemed to know the way.

There were ten Hork-Bajir sitting in a circle. Elgat Kar had her back to the meeting rock. "Welcome," she said when she saw us, and made room for the three of us beside her. I sat cross-legged in the grass and breathed in the air. It was so fresh out here. Ververet landed on a dandelion by my knee and fanned his wings.

The Hork-Bajir went around the circle and introduced themselves. I didn't remember anyone's name. I don't remember stuff like that very well, which is probably why I never did well in history class. Not that I have to take history class anymore. Then Elgat spread her arms and said, "See hrala. Watch hrala flow. Join mind to hrala."

I looked at Robin and Miguel, who shook their heads. I raised my hand and said, "Um. Excuse me. What's hrala?"

Elgat and the other Hork-Bajir stared at me. I was starting to feel really awkward when one of the Hork-Bajir spoke to Elgat in their language. Elgat said, "Oh. Yes. Toby say human friends hrala-blind." She pointed to Nessarey with her intact hand. "Humans hrala-blind. But humans half hrala."

"You mean Rusakov particles," Miguel's dæmon said, looking down at her long lizard body. "What dæmons are made of. You can see it. What is it like?"

"We tell humans," Elgat said. "Sing the hrala to humans." She started drumming on the ground with her hand and tail. The others took up the beat and added syncopations to it. She chanted in time with the beat, "Hrala flow down from the mountainside."

The next Hork-Bajir to her right said, "Hrala make knots in trees up high."

"Hrala in many shape at human's side."

So it went around. As I listened, Ververet whispered that maybe the beat told us as much about the hrala as the chant-song did. The drumming sounded like the flow of a river. I imagined the hrala as a waterfall pouring down the sides of the valley, making eddies and whirlpools all around us, a constant roar of water none of us humans could hear. I imagined it coming in and out of Ververet's pores, becoming part of him.

The drumming faded, but I could still feel the beat pulsing in my chest. Elgat said, "Now we all see hrala. Know hrala. Humans too. Now we join circle, and learn how to be free."