Excuses at the end…I'm such a bad author

Chapter Eleven

Show me how it ends, it's alright
Show me how defenceless you really are
Satisfied and empty inside
Well, that's alright, let's give this another try

So cold – Breaking Benjamin

-0-

Overwhelming panic encompassed her entire body, mixed with a concoction of fear and disbelief it was a miracle Sara could even remain upright. The young blonde practically trembled as she paced outside the Firehouse, her delicate hands wringing together tightly as she struggled to rein in the crushing wave of emotions rushing through her.

"Kid?"

Sara stopped her pacing and turned around quickly, her eyes instantly locking onto the 6-foot-tall, broad shouldered figure coming to meet her. Deep brown eyes, with slight creases around the edges assessed her worriedly. His dark brown hair was combed back, with his trademark stubble looking a little more rugged today.

Mitch Davis never failed to come running when his little sister Sara called. They were all the family they had and since becoming her sole carer when their parents had died he'd taken his role as big brother to a whole new level, becoming both parents for the young girl too. With an age gap of only 8 years between them, he'd been 20 years old when their parents had died and all that responsibility had landed on his shoulders. By some miracle he'd balanced her care, their finances and his firefighter training and with only a little help from friends managed to achieve his dream of becoming a firefighter and make sure Sara was well cared for.

Sara hurried to meet him half way, her arms slipping easily around his back as his own incredibly muscular ones wrapped around her, holding her tight. Tears fell freely from her eyes as she buried her face into her brother's chest, seeking the comfort that only came with family. Mitch always made her feel safe and protected and right now she needed that, she needed him to help shield herself from the terrifying life decisions she wasn't yet ready to make.

"Mitch, I don't know what to do…" she sobbed into his chest, hating that she was crying again but unable to help herself. Her chest was heavy and right now her future unclear.

"It's okay, I'm here." Mitch assured her, not understanding what had her so upset but to his credit just holding her until she was composed enough to explain what was wrong. Sara just shook her head against his chest and let out a small sniffle. For several minutes, the siblings simply stood there in front of the firehouse in silence as Sara slowly calmed down. "Wanna explain to me what's got you so worked up?" Mitch asked, pulling back enough to gently wipe the tears away from her cheeks.

Sara closed her eyes and tilted her head downwards, unable to look at her brother as she reached into her coat pocket and pulled out a little white stick. Holding it out to him she sighed defeatedly, knowing he'd be as disappointed in her as she was in herself. As a med student sleeping with your attending wasn't appropriate and frowned upon, but getting pregnant out of wedlock in a small town like this, to that attending and then being dumped was positively scandalous.

"Go on say it…say I told you so." She whispered, wishing she'd listened to Mitch's concerns months ago about the man she'd been seeing. If she had listened and not been so blinded by what she'd thought was love she would have noticed she was being used. None of this would be happening right now and she'd just be another med student following her dream of being a Doctor.

"Oh kid…" Mitch sighed as he scrutinized the little white stick in his hand, the little pink cross in the window the clear cause of his sisters melt down and it didn't take a genius to guess what had happened when she'd told the Father. "It's gonna be okay."

"Okay? How is any of this okay Mitch?" Sara gaped at her brother, wishing more than anything he'd freak out, that he'd yell at her and call her a screw up. It wasn't rational but it was how she was feeling. It was like she was letting him down as well, after everything he'd done to help make sure she'd gotten the best education and best chances, she'd gone and done this.

"It's not okay…It's messy, it is and you've messed up." Mitch told her, his hands cupping her face, forcing her to look up at him. "But we will figure this out kid. Look you've got some decisions to make, some big ones and they're not gonna be easy. Forget the other ass-hole okay, I'm here for you and I'm with you no matter what you decide."

"I don't know what to do…" she whispered, tears spilling over onto her cheeks again. Mitch sighed and pulled her into another hug, holding her protectively as he kissed the top of her head, "I don't know if I can be a Mom, Mitch, I can't raise a baby on my own." She admitted, the concept terrifying, but the alternative was even more terrifying. The idea of ending the pregnancy before it went any further didn't sit right with her. Mitch held her just that little bit tighter as she clung to him.

"Oh kid, I promise I'm not going anywhere. You'll never be alone."

"You broke your promise big brother." Sara whispered as she looked down at an old photo of her and Mitch taken when she'd been only 14 years old. He'd taken her to the Georgia State Fair and at some point, won her a giant bumble bee cuddly toy, which she'd held proudly as they'd had their picture taken. It was her favourite picture of them both purely because of the sheer joy on both their faces. Despite everything they'd lost Mitch did what he could to ensure that she was always smiling and it was in the quiet moments she missed him.

Mitch had always been the calm in any storm, her safe place before Rick. He'd been her hero and for so long the only constant in her life and she missed him more than she knew she could admit. It was impossible to even think about Mitch, let alone talk about him. Part of her tried to remain hopeful that maybe like Rick and Carl, she'd someday find her brother again but the more rational side of her knew that would probably never happen and she just had to try and accept that.

But she couldn't. Sara couldn't give up the hope no matter how much the current reality of her situation hurt. She had to believe that he was alive because surely if he was gone she'd know, she'd feel his absence. Or was that foolish naïve hope that had no place in this world anymore. The answer to that was probably, which was why she didn't like to think of him…she wasn't sure she'd survive knowing the truth.

Beside her a little body stirred, a small whine piercing the quiet in the empty cell block. Sighing softly, Sara tucked away the photograph and turned towards the baby, gently picking her up and holding her against her chest. It had been a long time since she'd held a baby, several years to be exact and she'd readily admit she'd missed the feeling. Having a baby hadn't been on the cards for her and Rick, no matter how much they tried but they'd been happy with their little family as it was nonetheless.

Stepping outside into the communal area to make a bottle, Sara gently rocked the baby as her eyes landed on a lone figure sat at one of the tables. It was Maggie and Sara had gotten the gist of what had happened from Merle who was now snoring away in the small cage behind her, so she decided to try and reach out to the young woman, remind her she wasn't alone.

"Hey…couldn't sleep?" Sara asked quietly as she rounded the table. Maggie looked up sharply, before quickly relaxing and nodding her head.

"Something like that." She answered, her eyes drifting back down to stare at her hands, which were clasped together tightly atop the table. Silence fell between them once again as Sara busied herself making a bottle for the baby with one hand and cradling said baby with the other.

"Don't let him win." She said as she shook the bottle. Turning around as she put the bottle to the baby's lips she looked at Maggie who was now staring back at her, blinking in confusion. Sara stepped closer to the table and sat down, making sure not to jostle the little bundle in her arms too much. Both women looked at each other before realisation dawned on Maggie's face and she looked down to her lap.

"Rick told you?" she asked, her voice quiet. In a brief moment she appeared a lot younger than what she actually was and it broke Sara's heart.

"He didn't have to Maggie." Sara replied sadly, "I know better than anyone what that bastards capable of, especially when there's something he wants."

"Nothin' happened. At least, it didn't go that far…" Maggie sighed as she trailed off, a frown etched into her pretty features.

"But it was still too far right?" Sara finished, as her mind flashed back to her own close call with the man who called himself the Governor. There were still moments she could feel his hands on her skin, his lips pressed harshly against hers and she always had to force down the wave of nausea that followed. She still felt violated even though she'd fought him off and escaped. Just because it hadn't gone as far as he'd intended, it didn't take away from the fact she felt violated.

Maggie looked up at her sadly, before nodding her head. "Glenn won't talk about it…I've told him that nothin' happened that the Governor didn't ra…that it didn't go that far but he won't stop blamin' himself. He's full of a rage I've never seen in him before."

"You both went through something traumatic Maggie him being angry…"

"It's more than him bein' angry. He's vengeful…distant. He's blamin' himself for what happened." Maggie sighed and combed her fingers through her hair. "I just want to move on from it but he…he has stuck in that moment and he won't let go."

Sara eyed the woman sympathetically, her heart breaking for the young couple. The Governor had managed to break them down, she just hoped they were as strong as they appeared and they'd be able to climb their way out of this. They couldn't let that bastard win.

"I've only known you guys for a short time but I can very clearly see how much Glenn loves you. Things are still very raw for the both of you. Like it or not it's going to take time to work through that…" Sara said softly, sitting the babies bottle on the table as she winded her.

Maggie took a moment to mull over the other woman's words, knowing them to be right and just wishing it could be as simple as it used to be. The one thing Maggie had always been sure of, during all of this was her and Glenn, that if they were together they could get through anything. Truth be told she still believed that, she just had to try and keep a tight hold on that belief for as long as it took them to get past this.

The first gunshot rang out from nowhere, causing the two women to both straighten, their eyes immediately fixating on the partially open door that led out to the courtyard. The rule was that no one fired unless they had to, right now they had the luxury of having the fence between them and the dead so they didn't need to use their guns. They both stilled, waiting for any indication the shot had come from one of their own but as another shot rang out, they both knew this was something more and to make matters worse, their people were outside.

"It's him." Maggie whispered, casting her eyes back to Sara. Merle was already on his feet and heading towards their weapons cash.

"Go. Get the guns and go I'll follow you out!" Sara said, leaving no room to say anything as she cradled the baby tightly to her chest and ran back into the cell block. She didn't know what was happening outside, couldn't make sense of anything just yet but was reacting to it as gunfire began to rain outside. Her legs could barely carry her fast enough as she ran into hers and Rick's cell and carefully placed the now sleeping baby into her small box, which now served as her bed.

"Okay baby girl you'll be safe here…" she said gently, once her arms were empty she rushed to the bed and reached under the mattress grabbing at her gun and finding a small element of control as her fingers wrapped around the weapon and after checking she had a full clip she turned and headed out.

The sudden sharp blow to the side of her face came out of nowhere. The force was such that her mouth instantly filled with blood and her body slammed back against the cold steel bars of the cell. Stars filled her vision but she shook it off as she struggled to centre herself, her body lunging for the gun she'd dropped. Before she could it was kicked out of the way and she was violently shoved to the side, her body impacting the ground with a painful crunch.

There was a moment where she couldn't breathe, the air had rushed out of her lungs as she struggled to try and breath through the pain that flooded her entire body. "What…?" she heard herself croak as she sucked in a shaky breath, oxygen flooding through her lungs. It took a few moments for her vision to clear but she could feel hot liquid streaking down the side of her face. Blinking she forced herself to look up and when she did she saw quite clearly who her attacker was.

"Shane?" she muttered. Squeezing her eyes closed, she opened them again and attempted to refocus on the man now looming over her, a sick feeling settling into the pit of her stomach. Those black eyes now boring into her told her all she needed to know, Shane wasn't here to be talked to. "Shane please don't do this…"

"You took her from me…" he growled, his fingers flexing around the hunting knife in his hand. Sara shook her head, about to point out that the baby was in the cell, but the way his fingers clenched that knife made her falter, all she could do was shake her head. Forcing herself to meet his gaze head on.

"Shane just put the knife away, I didn't take her away from you. Your baby girl, she's fine she's so beautiful Shane…" she flinched back when Shane pointed the knife her way and shook his head violently.

"You took my Lori away. You killed her, before I even had the chance to…" he trailed off, his wild eyes flickering towards the cell she'd left the baby in. Sara carefully braced herself, something akin to the maternal instincts she had for Carl and Grace beginning to pulsate through her body.

"Shane she'd been bit! Lori told me to get the baby out…she knew what that would mean, she was protecting your…" she tried not to flinch again when crouched down, suddenly squatting in front of her, his face inches away from her own.

"Bullshit!" he spat, unable to rationalise any of what she was saying in his head. It set him on edge as he heard the baby beginning to cry, though he felt no connection between himself and the baby. There was nothing inside of him right now, calling out to comfort the crying new-born. "You should have kept her alive!" he screamed in Sara's face, happy when she cringed back away from him.

It wasn't that she feared him, she feared what he had planned. There was no doubt in her mind that he wanted her dead, he had come here to kill her. He had no intentions of leaving her here alive. He blamed her for something that had been out of her control, if there had been any way to save Lori she would have and any rational person would see that. Shane wasn't rational, he'd barely been hanging onto his sanity before Lori had died, so now she was gone he'd finally snapped and right now Sara was the focal point of his rage.

"Shane, she was already dead! Your daughter's still here, alive and that's because of me." Sara spat back at him, meeting his hard stare, "Sure as hell wasn't because of you! Lori asked me to take care of her…"

Standing he grabbed a fist full of her hair and dragged her up onto her knees, forcefully yanking her head back before leaning in close. "And why would she ask you to look after her?" he asked with a smirk, his fingers pulling harder at her hair.

"Guess she didn't want a psychopath like you anywhere near her child!" Sara replied hotly, watching as his face filled with an uncontrollable rage. As his right arm stretched back, Sara's fist shot out and landed a hard punch right between the legs, as his hold on her loosened she swung again before finally freeing herself. Scrambling across the cold floor, she wrapped her fingers around her gun and swung around to meet Shane, her gun trained on him. In the process she'd also managed to partially place herself between both him and where the baby lay, her mind set that he was getting nowhere near her now.

Part of her had hoped Shane would come back, that maybe the baby could be the making of him, that he'd finally step up but that wasn't going to be the case. Right now, he was more concerned with killing her than looking after his own daughter. This wasn't what Lori wanted and Sara would be damned before she let a man like this anywhere near a defenceless child. Shane simply stared back at her, a glint of something dangerous flashing in his eyes as he smirked at her, almost daring her to pull the trigger and put them both out of their misery.

"Mom!"

A split-second distraction, the panic in her daughter's voice catching her off guard and causing her attention to shift only momentarily. That was all he needed, she'd barely blinked in her daughter's direction when the gun was knocked out of her hands and Shane's muscular arm looped around her waist, picking her up as if she weighed nothing before throwing her to the floor once more.

She hit the ground hard, but this time she went down kicking. Shane growled as her foot made contact his leg, but still had no trouble getting on top of her, pinning her legs down by pressing his knees against her thighs painfully. He subdued her easily, his calloused fingers wrapping tightly around her throat, silencing her sounds of protest immediately. The pain startled her, his grip around her neck tightening as he watched her trying to draw breath, a sick, satisfied grin appearing on his crazed face as he watched her eyes fill with terror, knowing she was now fighting for her life.

Sara thrashed as best she could beneath his unwavering hold, her fingers clawing at whatever piece of him she could reach, his hands, his arms, even his face only she couldn't claw his eyes out like she wished. She couldn't reach them so she settled for trying to pry his arms away, the panic in her increasing as the seconds ticked by, the pain in her chest almost blinding now. Her arm fell to the side, her fingers desperately reaching out for something, anything that could help her but there was nothing and as each excruciating second ticked by, she felt her strength wane just a little bit more.

She tried to turn her head, to look in the direction from which her daughters voice had come but she couldn't move, she couldn't do anything. Shane was going to kill her and her daughter was going to see it, she was going to witness all of it. What about Rick and Carl…they'd all fought so hard to find each other again, to be a family once more and this was going to be it? This was how her story was going to end? It couldn't be, she couldn't leave them alone, not again. And what about the baby, she couldn't let Shane take her…

As these thoughts entered her head, as she thought about her family, she felt a deep surge of adrenaline begin so pulsate through her body. Her fingers once again reached out desperately only this time they connected with something cold and flat.

Shane's knife!

Gasping, she fumbled to turn the knife around, fighting back the fogginess that had begun to fill her head. So, when her fingers wrapped around the handle, she didn't hesitate another second. Bringing her hand up, she thrust the large blade right underneath Shane's rib-cage and twisted it violently.

Just like that it was over. The weight above her altered as Shane drew back, his eyes wide as he gaped ahead of him. His hands fell from around her neck and she could finally draw a deep, beautiful breath, barely registering the pain as she did. Her head began to clear as she continued to gasp for breath, her lungs aching in the most welcome of ways but that wasn't where she was focused.

Using what little strength, she could muster, she pushed all her weight behind the knife and used it as a leverage to help Shane completely off her. Once he crumbled to the ground beside her, she scrambled to get away from him, her arms buckling underneath her as she collapsed against the stairs, staring at him with a dark sense of satisfaction. Watching as he stared down at the large blade she'd sunk deep into his chest, the blood slowly pooling around him.

"Mom!"

Grace's voice broke through her trance and Sara glanced in the direction her daughter was coming from. Her little face was twisted in terror, but it didn't stop her from running towards her Mom, bravely grabbing the gun that had been dropped, on her way. Dropping to her knees in front of Sara, Grace pushed the gun into her Mom's hands before enveloping herself into her embrace, allowing her Mom to shield her from the sight of what was happening.

Sara looked across to Shane and they made eye contact. There was no more hatred or rage there, no pain but there was also no regret for what he'd done. He simply looked at her, his expression blank as though he had no care in world, before his head collapsed back and his chest stilled.

Looking at him Sara waited, but when he didn't draw another breath, when he didn't move she finally felt her body relax and the weight of what had happened and what she had done settled heavily over her. She sat completely still, her eyes flashing down to her hands which she found her covered in his blood. Closing her eyes tightly she shook her head, burying her face against the top of her daughter's head. The both of them sat there, motionless, trying to comprehend what had happened as the cell block began to fill with panicked questions piercing through the deafening silence.

-0-

My only excuse for such a long wait between updates is, I fell out of this story. Truthfully although I love and adore Rick and Sara and have so much planned for them, life just got in the way of my muse and I struggled to find the inspiration to write for anything, though it wasn't through lack of trying. I am trying though and have found my muse again and we're both hoping we can push through this story for you guys.

There's still so much left to do for these two, but I will be changing it and making certain events different to what you've seen in the show and that's purely for me…and you I hope. I hate stories were it's play for play like in the show…I want to make this different and I hope you guys will support that and still love Rick and Sara's journey…

It's going to be a fun, intense run from here on out…

I will add review replies to the next chapter once it's edited

Nat x