Updated A/N 8/8/18: I'm always continuing to edit all chapters in this fic, because I'm obsessive like that. Some might just be spelling and grammar fixes, but sometimes I also add or change dialogue for the sake of better flow. Chapter 1 (i.e. the chapter after this one) in particular has been heavily reworked with ~700 additional words. Nothing integral to the plot has changed, but it might be worth to check out. Especially for those who might have been turned off by some clunky language or pacing issues before.

As always, I'm thankful for reviews and every bit of constructive criticism.

Something Genuine

by

8000locks

Disclaimer: Yahari Ore No Seishun Love Come Wa Machigatteiru is the intellectual property of Watari Wataru and all associated parties. No profit is made from this work of fan fiction.

Prologue: Then And Now, Hikigaya Hachiman Still Reflects

How Do I Envision My Future?

Hikigaya Hachiman

Class 2F

Here is something to think about: Change is inevitable.

Naturally, things change. Nothing stays the same forever. That's obvious, right? No need to make a grand declaration. Why would you even need to think about it? Times change, circumstances change, people change, situations change. Every day is a new beginning or something like that.

Things change. What a redundant statement.

Unsurprisingly, some people would also vehemently disagree with this sentiment.

I'll give you an example: Some ignorant brats in their teens would cry out indignantly, proudly proclaiming that nothing truly changes on the grand scale of things. Inspired by years of observing their "edgy" idols from books or TV, virtually overflowing with wisdom, they indulge in cynicism and bitterness over the state of society and human nature. Doing so, they hope to show off how truly special and wise beyond their years they are. They don't realize that this little fantasy has barely anything to do with reality and that their attitude will only bring them embarrassment in the long run.

Another example: Some especially pretentious intellectuals like to lecture everybody who cares to listen about the foundation of identity. They claim that personality is deeply rooted in early childhood and the adult self is just the logical extrapolation of your genetic makeup and upbringing. True individuality doesn't really exist and people cannot truly change who they are and their core. In some cases, one or two traumatic events might shake things up a bit, but mostly the development of character sticks to a predictable formula. The troubles communicating with others, what kind of person you are attracted to, how you cope with stress; everything is predetermined from the start.

But that is not the truth. People change. Maybe not everybody and not all of the time, but as a general rule, they change. As mentioned before, that is a fact most people tend to agree on.

However, this is not a good thing.

New situations force humans to adapt accordingly. When graduating from high school, for instance, you are practically thrown into a whole new environment. You go on to college or alternatively, get a job. You meet new people and learn new things. Even make new friends, potentially. At the end of the day you realize that you have fallen into a new routine, developed some new habits and quirks, discovered new hobbies. You start to react differently to situations than you would have in the past. Congratulations, you have become a new person, at least just a little bit.

And as time passes, you finish college or switch jobs, move on to a new town. The changes keep adding up and without even realizing it, you are shaped into somebody entirely different. Then, when you look back at high school, the values of your old self seem foolish and naive. The friends that were so important before are just a number in your phone, not dialed for years. The pain you have suffered from heartbreaks and relationships, the failures you never thought you could get past, those things remain merely a dull ache.

As they say, time heals all wounds. But that is wrong. It is not really time itself that heals; it is the change that time brings. It makes you into somebody different, vaguely resembling the one who went through those experiences. A person possessing only ambiguous memories and traces of the emotions connected with them.

To recap: people change, losing themselves in the process. That is why real relationships cannot exist. If there is nothing definitive - a thought, a feeling, an action - that remains unchanged over time, nothing holds true value. After breaking up with your one true love, it is only a matter of time before you convince yourself that these feelings were only a teenage crush and you didn't know any better at the time. After all, that girl you met on that fateful day at the train station, - on the bridge, in your new school - is the one you have really been waiting for all your life.

Relationships are lies.

Worst of all, most people are not even fully aware of that fact. Instead, they unconsciously ignore the problem and happily repeat phrases like seize the day or living in the moment, that's what's important. But even those that do understand play their parts in this ridiculous charade. They believe themselves prepared for a life full of lies and play out the part of the happy and upstanding member of society. Still, somewhere deep inside, they cannot help but keep hoping for the real thing. Because they are special. Because for them, surely it will be different.

I think that is just willful ignorance. Each and every one of them is delusional. In the end, they are all hypocrites, uselessly searching for something and making liars of themselves until the day they die.

.

.

.

What the heck is wrong with you, Hikigaya? Of course you had to pull another stunt like this.

Ignorant brats indulging in cynicism...you do realize the irony, right? Talk to me when you have actually experienced university, work and, you know, life. And what's going on with those endless repetitions; do you think that's poetic or something?

Come see me after class. Also, redo that essay.