Chapter 1: Yukino Yukinoshita

「Hikigaya. My apartment. Now.」

I gulped at that message. Yukinoshita hadn't addressed me by my full name since we started dating. I quickly put my phone back into my pocket.

"Ne, who was that, Senpai?"

"Yukino. Er, I gotta go. She wants to see me now."

"Eh? But we're not even halfway done with the shopping!"

"Tell that to your someone who's actually your boyfriend."

With that, I quickly made a beeline for Yukinoshita's apartment. Thankfully, it wasn't too far away. After leaving the train station, I made my way to Utase Apartment Complex. What could Yukinoshita have wanted? It was strange for her to call me out of nowhere in the middle of the day. But, we were dating, so maybe she wanted to spend some time with her fiancée ? Plausible, but she wasn't like any other conventional girl. She wouldn't have called me for no reason.

...No, the tone she took. It must've been something serious.

I soon found myself at one of the gates of her condominium. The estate was pretty big for such an area. I dialed Yukinoshita's apartment number, and on the screen came the Ice Queen herself. She was not happy. I gulped for the second time. She didn't say a word, and her face disappeared as soon as the gate opened. I made my towards her block. The ride up the lift was pretty nerve racking. What'd I do this time? Did the Gods of Romantic Comedy have their fill with me and decided to lift their spell on the poor Yukinoshita's heart? Ah well. It was fun while it happened. Maybe in a parallel universe another version of me and a yandere Yukinoshita were getting together. (1)

Ping. The lift chimed and the doors opened, only to reveal an extremely unimpressed Yukinoshita. She had her arms folded and was adorned with a frown. What offset her angry appearance was her outfit. She was wearing a sleeveless yellow shirt blouse and a pair of jeans. Her hair was done up in twintails. Overall, very cute and reminiscent of our first "date". Oh wait, it was also the first time I met the elder Yukinoshita, Haruno, wasn't it? Yabai. (2) This might be a bad omen…

"Who were you with?"

Woah! Please, Yukinoshita, people tend to ask "Where were you" first when the other party member is late.

"You know, people tend to ask 'where' instead of 'who'"

"Answer the question, Hikigaya."

There she goes again. With my family name. Oi oi, we've been together for a few years now, why so distant? It should be okay to call me 8man by now! (3)

"Iro-Isshiki."

Her glare strengthened two-fold. I began to cower under it, and gulped for the third time. I could feel some sweat slowly moving down my face. My legs became jelly. Oi! Don't give out now! If this becomes a bad-end I'll need to get out as quickly as I can before I'm asked why I switched! (4)

"I see. Looks like I'm dating an Unfaithful-gaya who can't keep his pants to himself."

"What's up with that nickname? And I was dragged along by Isshiki, ok!"

"You'll grovel on the ground to any girl who so much as even glances at you. Maybe I should get you to do that for me, Masochist-gaya-kun."

Wow that actually hurt more than it should've. My SP meter is as empty as her heart currently but she seems to have her Active Person on and her SP meter constantly filled. Maybe I should unleash my awakening mode now… (5)

She sighed and rubbed her temples.

"Take a seat on the couch. I'll get some tea boiling."

Won't take too long to, considering how angry she was. Instead of the Ice Queen maybe I should be calling her Thunderbolt Ross. (6)

I walked over to the sofa and sunk into the soft leather. I noticed that it was getting dark outside. I considered turning on the TV to check the weather but the remote was too far away, so I gave up. And by too far, I meant it was on the coffee table a third of a meter away from me. I would've started practicing my force (7) then, but Yukinoshita came out from the kitchen and placed a teapot on the table. She also held two mugs, both of Pan-san design. Ah, no matter how cold the exterior, every girl has a soft spot for something, huh. I took the blue one while she took the pink one that had a Pan-san with a ribbon. Wait, aren't they both Pan-san? Wasn't the pink one just the male Pan-san with a ribbon? I didn't know Yukinoshita was into crossdressers. Maybe we could both convince Totsu-

"Hachiman. Do you know why I called you over here today?"

Thanks. I almost turned into Ebina right then. She finally called me by my name, too.

"No? I could've guessed to go to Destinyland again but judging by the tone of your message and how angry you were, I'm gonna take a shot and say it's something serious."

"You're right about one thing. And that's how mad I am."

"Aye. So you're saying it's your period right now and that I should stay away? Or, maybe you actually want to do something else. Hehe."

"Absolutely disgusting. Please, if you giggle like that a million baby pandas will die."

"There aren't even a million adult pandas."

"All because of you. Whatever. What you said just now was false, however. The problem is, I haven't been getting my period."

I dropped the mug. Actually, I didn't, I was actually still holding onto the handle with a grip so tight the ceramic mug should've shattered. Along with my dreams of living my life peacefully.

"I'm sorry, Yukinoshita, what did you just say?"

"What I'm trying to say is, Baka-gaya, is that I'm pregnant."

Babies. Babies are the result of the male and female of most species having sexual intercourse. In humans, pregnancy is the result of the male's sperm merging with the female's ovum. The female stops ovulating, and the ovum eventually develops into a fetus. After a gestation period of 9 months, a baby is born. This process has been repeated for literally millions of years for nearly every single human being. And I was going to succeed them, and bring glory to my ancestors. Oji-chan? Is that you? I did it! I've succeeded in providing the Hikigaya clan with another member!

I could feel my face flush. My chest started to tighten and the muscle responsible for pumping blood to the rest of my body started beating harder, better, faster and stronger. (8) Mostly just harder and faster, though. Still a good song.

"Hachiman? What's wrong with your eyes?"

I was snapped back to reality by Yukinoshita. Eh? Something happened to my eyes? I touched my left eye, and a warm liquid trickled down. Oh, I was just crying. I thought my pupils had become red and my sclerae black. (9)

"Yu-Yukino. Mind repeating what you just said?"

Yukino's glare softened. Her lips moved upwards and she reached out to grab my hand, and placed it on her belly.

"Baby-gaya, would you mind telling your father that you exist, now?"

My jaw dropped. My eyes, normally squinting, were so wide I was afraid they'd drop out of their sockets. I felt my chest becoming very...how do I put it...it was a very foreign feeling. I vaguely remember feeling it when Yukino accepted my confession. Or when I was accepted by the Yukinoshita family. But this feeling was something different. It was a different level of, dare I say it, happiness.

My lips quivered, before forming into a smile. "Yukino, you dummy. It's obviously gonna be called Hikki-baby."

"We'll call it whatever we want when it's born. I have another piece of good news. The marriage forms have been accepted."

Dear Lord,

This is it. I've reached the peak of happiness. All the hardship I've endured in the past. My loner skills have brought me this far. I imagined I'd receive more retribution, though.

"Stop smiling like that. You'll scare the baby."

"Don't worry, this is gonna be a one time thing."

"Ah. Well then. Shall we go? We'll need to buy lots of baby paraphernalia."

"That's a big word, Yuki-pedia."

"Only for a numbskull like you."

I smiled once more. This feeling of happiness welling in my heart, was genuine. As Yukino and I sat up, we interlocked fingers and brought each other closer.

Guess my Youth Romantic Comedy wasn't as wrong as I'd thought.

(1) s/11296094/1/My-girlfriend-is-more-wrong-than-I-had-expectedReference to one of, if not my favourite story of all time. Big shoutout to BigKokujin!

(2) Yabai is a Japanese term that means something along the lines of "This is bad" or "Danger!". It basically means "Uh oh".

(3) In Japan, it's considered rude to call a person by his given name if you're not familiar. People call each other by the surnames first. 8man is a parody of Hikigaya's name. 'Hachi' in Japanese can mean eight, and well, 'man' is self explanatory.

(4) Reference to a bad end in the VN 'I thought it was a harem paradise but it turned out to be a yandere hell.' There's a girl that's a bit similar to Yukino in the sense that she was an Ice cool beauty.

(5)References to Persona 4

(6) Reference to the Red Hulk. Basically Hulk, but the angrier it gets the hotter it becomes.

(7) A long time ago in a galaxy far far away…

(8) Reference to Daft Punk's song Harder Better Faster Stronger. Absolutely amazing song. Go. Listen to it.

(9) Reference to Tokyo Ghoul.

Hey ho hi. Thanks for reading to the end! This is my first time writing a fanfic! First and foremost I want to apologise. This story is pretty much crack. I mean, the characters are really OOC and it lacks the 8man monologue. I'm sorry, but I find it really difficult to write. Uh, this is just one story out of many that I'm planning. Most will also cover 8man reacting to his pregnant SO. In my mind it sounds innocent enough but saying pregnant is never not awkward. Hmm, the stories pretty much won't be in the same continuity, but maybe I'll sneak in some references. Oh and this was written (on my phone no less) using Google docs in about an hour or two. That wasn't a brag, that was an excuse why this story is so bad. Welp, once again, thanks for reading. See ya!