Part I

This was a really bad idea.

Paige probably should've thought things through a little more before acting on impulse. Paige caught sight of herself in the mirror, suddenly feeling foolish instead of sexy. She was wearing the brunette wig she had worn a few days earlier when she was pretending to be Layla Sarkissian and a green dress that was nearly identical to the the red one that was now a pile of ashes.

Last night, this seemed like a great idea. She had been out shopping, looking for something to wear to her cousin's wedding next month and considered it fate when she found a dress that looked almost exactly like that red dress, only it was green. Same silky, drapey fabric. High slit. Thin straps that did nothing to cover her back, but they held up the dress. So she bought it.

But not for her cousin's wedding.

Because Mike once told her he loved her in green because it brought out her eyes.

Mike still hadn't found a case so his schedule was pretty open unless he was helping someone on a case. So she told him she needed help with something. He hesitated for a few moments, but ultimately agreed.

She booked a nice hotel room and asked him to meet her. She chickened out giving him the location in person. Instead she sent him a series of texts instructing him to meet her, including the room number in the final text.

Paige saw how he looked at her the other night. It had only been for a few seconds, but she saw how Mike watched her. She felt his eyes on her after she turned around to change. She had been so positive of this that she even glanced over her shoulder and found herself disappointed that he wasn't watching her. Then she caught sight of the sideview mirror and knew Mike wouldn't openly leer at her with things so fragile between them. Her suspicions had been confirmed once she realized he was watching her in the mirror.

Instead of letting things move forward naturally, she had to push. Had to take a risk, even if the end result was her being humiliated if he turned her down. She never thought she would see the day when that would happen, but maybe too much had happened between them. Maybe it was time to get everything in the open. They either needed to put whatever had happened between them in the past or see if they could figure things out, because being in limbo was killing both of them.

If Mike turned her down, it could give them both some much needed closure. But she didn't want closure. She didn't want him to turn her down. She wanted him. She wanted him to want her like he used to.

Paige was positive that this would give them a way to be together without having to deal with any of their baggage. But maybe she was wrong. Maybe this was a way for her to be with Mike and not deal with any of her guilt. Just because Mike forgave her and wanted her, didn't mean that he wanted to be with her. She had been attracted to him the moment they met, but hadn't allowed herself to give in until after he left Graceland and came back.

Paige held her breath as Mike moved closer to her. Afraid to break the spell of whatever was happening between them, she froze.

Mike ran his fingers through Paige's dark tresses, the strands feeling like straw when compared to her silky hair. He understood what Paige was offering him. An escape from reality. A chance for them to be someone else. To not have to deal with all of their issues. Just for a night. And he wanted to take her up on it. God, he wanted nothing more than to take her up on it. Rip that dress off her like he wanted to do the other night when he saw how gorgeous she looked. Wrap his arms around her and forget everything that was going on in the world but her.

But he couldn't.

"No," Mike sadly whispered, dropping his hand from her hair.

Paige hardened her gaze and stepped back from him. "Okay, I just - just forget about this." She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and pasted a smile on her face.

Just seconds before, Paige's face had been completely open. Vulnerable. Now it was if she was wearing a mask. That was why he couldn't do this.

Mike grabbed her wrist and gently pulled her back to him. He pulled off the wig and set it down on the chair beside him. He gently ran his fingers through her golden hair, smiling at the memory of all the times he had done this. Absentmindedly when they were huddled up in her room watching a movie on her laptop. Late nights when they were tangled up in each other. Playfully when they were on the beach and managed to sneak away from the rest of the house. Early mornings when she was sleeping peacefully in his arms. "That's just it," Mike murmured as tenderly stroked her cheek. "I don't want to forget."

Paige was giving him an out, but he didn't want to take it. He didn't want to pretend that they were different people or different versions of themselves. He wanted her. He forgave her. He loved her. He didn't want to be Larry and Layla or some other nameless couple. They were Mike and Paige. No matter how much things changed between them. No matter how many lies they told or how much they hurt each other, they would always be Mike and Paige.

"I want you, Paige. I always want you."

The moment he saw her in that red dress he had to busy himself with his gun otherwise he wasn't sure what he would do. She was drop dead gorgeous, the embodiment of all his desires, but she wasn't his anymore. He forced himself to look away so he wouldn't get distracted. Instead he was left with stolen glances of her changing in his sideview mirror, reminding him of the first night they slept together when he could see her bare back. But unlike their first night together, that night wasn't an invitation into her bedroom. Instead, it left him lost in a sea of bittersweet memories instead of exploring every inch of her body.

But here she was, offering them a way to be together and he would be insane to turn her down. He would be insane to say yes.

"I'm not sure - I don't..." Paige's voice trailed off and she placed her hand over his. "I want you. Even when I shouldn't, even after everything, I always want you. But this, this is all we can be."

"Don't say that." Mike took their joined hands and brought them to his lips, gently pressing his lips against her hand. "If we really try, we can be everything."

For the first time in weeks, his next oxy pill was the furthest thing from his mind. All he could think about was Paige and how he craved her, not some stupid pill that made him numb. Paige was just as dangerous as any drug, but there was one difference between her and oxy, she made him feel alive and he desperately needed to feel alive after feeling so alone.

"What if I can't?" Paige tearfully asked. "What if I can't try? I want to, you have no idea how much I want to. But, Mike, I can't. I just can't."

Mike sighed, positive he would never be able to understand the reasons for half of the things she did or her convoluted way of thinking when it came to her heart. But that didn't stop him from wanting to try. Every brain cell he had was telling him to walk away from her and not look back, but he couldn't. "You don't get it, do you?"

"Don't - don't do this." Paige pulled away, creating some physical distance between them. "I'm going to go. You can go or stay if you want. The room's paid for. Checkout time is at 11."

He could feel her walls going up. Paige was done talking about this. She wanted to seal this night up in a box and forget it ever happened and normally, he would let her. But, she approached him and she wasn't leaving until they had the conversation they had been avoiding for weeks.

Mike reached for her wrist and pulled her back to him. "I forgave you and you ignored me. I tried ignoring you and it only made it worse. I don't want us to be together if it's some escape from reality. I love you!"

"You can't love me. After everything I've done, I - "

Mike cut Paige off with a kiss, insistently moving his lips against hers. He poured everything he was feeling into that kiss. All the things he was afraid to say. All the things she didn't want to hear. He loved her. He needed her to know. To hear the words. Feel how he felt.

Paige angrily pushed him away. "Why are you doing this?"

"You called me."

"To fuck, not reconcile."

"Is that all you want?" Mike asked. "Tell me you don't want me. Tell me you don't want more than just one night, because I do."

"How can you want me after what I did?"

"How many times do I have to tell you that I forgive you? I want to move past that night, past this summer. I want us to start over."

Paige laughed bitterly at his words. It sounded so simple. Starting over. But what the hell did that mean? They couldn't start over. Too much had happened between them to ever go back to a time when things were simple betwen them.

Unbroken.

They could never be that version of themselves again.

"You don't get it, do you?" Paige asked. "I can't be with you. I hate myself for what I did and even though you forgive me, I'm not sure I can ever forgive myself. I feel dead inside." Paige waited a few seconds for her words to sink in before continuing. "You don't know how I feel. You don't know what it's like to stare at myself in the mirror everyday and hate what I see. Hate who I've become." How could Mike want to be with her if she hated herself? Couldn't he see that she wasn't the same girl he fell for?

"You hate yourself? Imagine how I feel? I failed you! I failed those girls. I promised you I would get Lina out and she died! She died in my arms, I failed you both. You're the one that saved them. You! You got them out of there, not me. I couldn't catch Sid. Even if I wanted to go back to DC, I tanked my career. I can't stop thinking about these birds and how there has to be a connection, some sort of meaning. If one of us is a failure, it's me, not you."

"Mike..."

"You want to talk about feeling dead inside? I feel so empty and alone. Nothing feels the same anymore. The only time I feel anything is when I'm with you. I love you. I'm in love with you."

"Stop it! Stop saying that!" Paige angrily pushed him, trying to get him to stop talking. She squeezed her eyes shut, desperately hoping that would somehow stop his words.

"No. I'm done not telling you how I feel. I tried keeping it to myself and that didn't work out. You're going to have to deal with it. Ignore it. But you can't pretend that I don't love you. The days of me not saying those words are over."

Furious, Paige shook her head. "I'm not doing this, This was a mistake." Paige grabbed her things and started heading towards the door.

"Go ahead, Paige. Run away, like you always do! Run away from me. From us. Maybe you don't love me, but don't you dare pretend that I don't love you!" Mike shouted.

Paige turned to look at him, the anguish written on her tearstained face. "I can't be who you want me to be. I'm not sure I ever was."

"I never wanted you to be anyone. I wanted you!" Why couldn't Paige understand that?

"I can't do this."

Mike clenched his jaw, not sure he could watch her leave. He walked across the room to stare out the window and closed his eyes when he heard the door click. He lowered his head slightly and rested it against the window when he heard it close behind her.

He wasn't sure she would do it. But of course she did. Paige had always been stronger than him. She did the one thing he could never do.

Walk away.

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