Chapter 1-Sadness

"You love me, true or false?" he said.

"True" she replied back, it was at that moment that she finally expressed to Peeta her true feelings, that she did love him. They worked on healing together, trying to rebuild their life in District 12, what was left of it that is. For a while things went well, it was just the two of them and a few locals who had returned. While Katniss enjoyed being with Peeta, over the years her pain didn't heal the way she had hoped it would. Peeta was a distraction from her pain, but, when she was alone in the woods hunting, the feelings of sadness would overcome her. It was a slow build up over time. Being in the woods reminded her of Prim, of Rue, of all the people she lost during the hunger games and during the revolution. And, sometimes, she even though of Gale, though she tried desperately not to. At first she felt nothing but anger towards him, but over the years her anger turned to sadness, it was always the two of them in these woods together, now it is just her.

One time while walking back home, she stopped to take in the beautiful day and leaned back on a tree in the woods. While closing her eyes and inhaling the fresh spring air, a force unknown to her made her open her eyes and turn to the side of the tree. What she saw on the tree made her sigh in sadness. Carved on the tree she saw:

K.E.

G.H.

Pods Forever

Her eyes immediately filled with tears, remembering that day like it was yesterday. She was 15, he 17, they had just survived reaping day. They had decided to head back into the woods to hunt and release the built up tension. After both finding dinner to take back to their families Gale stopped Katniss and took out his knife and carved their initials plus pods forever on the tree. Pods forever was a running joke between them. Katniss said that her mother told her once that she and Gale were like "two peas in a pod" because they got along so well. They initially laughed at the saying, thinking it sounded so old fashioned, but then one day Gale shouted "pods forever" while helping Katniss shoot a bird and they both laughed so hard the saying stuck.

"To mark the significance of making it another year" he said when he finished.

She hadn't laid eyes on that tree since that day. It was one tree out of hundreds in those woods they frequented. Now she happened upon it again. She started sobbing uncontrollably, her hand tracing the carving before falling to the ground. She longed for things to be the way they were before, before the hunger games, before the war, before Prim's death. Now all she can think about when she thinks of him is Prim's face, how his bomb might have been the one that killed her.

First she was angry, now she is just sad, and her sadness has increased over time. She didn't just lose Prim that day, she lost her best friend.

Peeta began noticing this sadness over the next few months. He had his suspicions, but never openly asked her if her increased sadness had to do with Gale. When Buttercup died is when she totally lost it. While she was never a fan of the feline, he was the last living part of Prim that she had. When she couldn't find Buttercup one morning, but found him dead behind their Victor's Village house by the trees, she began screaming, then throwing things in the house. Peeta tried to console tell, tell her that Buttercup was old and that most likely that's what killed him, but it was of no use.

"You don't get it! I have nothing now!" she screamed.

She calmed down by that evening, she came into their bedroom and sat down on the bed while he was reading and said, "I'm sorry I yelled at your earlier, I wasn't myself".

"It's okay, I know it hurts to lose something you love" he replied in a tender voice.

"Well, you know I never loved Buttercup" she said with a small smile.

"Prim did, that's why it hurts so much" he said while putting a hand on her leg.

She started crying again and he went and held her. After a few moments when her crying ceased, he nervously asked, "Katniss, what did you mean when you said you had nothing now?"

She didn't want to answer him, but it was Peeta, they didn't keep secrets from each other.

"I just, it makes everything final. With Buttercup gone I have no good reminders of Prim in my life". Now only her mother and Gale remain as living reminders of Prim. While she was not on bad terms with her mother, she never saw her, only speaking on the phone. And as for Gale, well, there were no good memories associated between Prim and him. She didn't want to have to say that to Peeta, he knew.

"I know this is hard, maybe you could use this opportunity to re-connect with your mother and Gale?" he asked as if reading her mind. That's why Peeta was so good for her she thought.

"You know things with my mother will always be complicated, and as for Gale, never, I can never look at him the same way again" she said with finality.

"Okay" he whispered, knowing that meant the discussion was over. He knew this wasn't final though. He knew Katniss, and he saw how she was slowly slipping away and becoming more and more depressed. With it being just the two of them, he knew it wasn't healthy. So, he proposed an idea he hoped might help give her purpose again:

"What about starting a family? Even though we are not married, it doesn't matter, or we could get married" he asked six months after Buttercup's death.

"Peeta, you know how I feel about this subject. How many times do I have to say it? I don't want children, I never have. Marriage I would consider, but not kids-never"." She saw the look of disappointment yet again on his face. She tried to help ease the blow by saying "look, we are only 25, we still have our whole lives to live don't we?"

"I guess I was just hoping there was a still a chance you could change your mind." He was not surprised, he knew the answer, always being the optimist he thought maybe there was the off chance he would hear a different answer this time.

She leaned him and kissed him, slowly at first then harder. He responded to the kiss and wrapped his arms around her, while their intimacy never stopped, it had changed over the last year. It wasn't as passionate and at times Katniss seemed robotic when they were together. For once she actually started kissing him with a purpose. He eagerly took advantage-quickly removing her clothes as well as his own while continuing to kiss her passionately. He grabbed her breasts and squeezed them gently while she leaned back onto the bed. She quickly reached down and guided him in her not wasting anytime. While he wished they could have taken things more slowly, he was not one to refuse her. They quickly yet gently made love, as they had done hundreds of times before over the years, it was almost like how things were.

But after they finished, he pulling out of her and kissing her one last time before rolling off of her to lay down, he saw that dead look in her eyes again. It was brief, lasting only a second, but it made him realize she was still trying to hide her sadness, even during their most intimate moments. If he didn't get her the help she needed, she would slowly slip away into that shell of her former self she was when Prim first died in the capitol.

He couldn't let that happen. He did the only thing he could think of-reach out to her mother for help.