I am a terrible person.

I know, I haven't updated What You Don't Know (and like all of my other stories) in a million years, but I've had writer's block! Plus have been reading too much instead of writing. But hey, first story of the new year :D Hope you enjoy!

DP would never belong to me...unless I had a sudden body switch with Butch Hartman. *dreams of a day when DP comes back*

-Cheshire

The cafeteria was buzzing with its usual chatter; at Casper High's table of the Golden Trio, however, was an awkward silence that lasted the first fifteen minutes of lunch. Sam and Tucker had stopped eating their opposite lunches and stared at their half-dead friend intently.

"Danny, you look depressed," Sam observed.

"Noted," he grumbled, taking a bite out of his sandwich angrily.

Sam raised an eyebrow. "Late night playing with Skulker?"

Danny ate a chip.

"Teen angst?" Tucker suggested. Danny sputtered and choked on his chocolate milk, and Sam whacked the tech geek upside the head. "Hey! It happens!"

The halfa regained his composure. "Yes to Sam, and absolutely not to Tucker."

A silent sob emanated from Tuck. "I'm forever alone-only Precious can understand my pain," he muttered.

"Did you seriously call your PDA 'precious'?"

"Shh, my precious."

"Right, Gollum."

"Hey, one does not simply walk into Mordor."

Sam turned back to Danny, who was snickering slightly at their banter. "But really, Danny, what's wro-"

A loud cheer from the jocks' table roared through the cafeteria, and Dash leaned back from his seat to look at the trio's table. "Hey Fen-toenail! Have a load of this!" Dash sneered. He raised a straw to his mouth, sucked in spit, and fired it right into his victim's ebony hair. Danny dropped his sandwich onto the tray.

"Dash, I just had a huge epiphany," he growled, standing up slowly. The cafeteria held its shared breath as tension filled the air.

The pompous jock laughed, cracking his knuckles. "Oh, yeah? What is that epipha-whatsit, why you won't kill yourself?"

Danny studied his hand calmly. "Look, I just figured out that my middle finger is abnormally long. Here, wanna see?"

And he flipped the bird to the entire school.

Dash lunged out of his seat, about to grapple Danny's throat before his leg whipped and kicked Dash squarely in the face. The jock stumbled back, nursing his nose. "Damn, Fenton, I'm gonna-"

Danny walked over and flipped him off twice. "Gonna personally have one of these fingers be shoved up your anus? Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking too. See ya, Einstein."

And with that, he dumped his lunch in the trash can and waltzed out of the cafeteria.

The cafeteria was silent for several moments before erupting back into its usual chatter. Dash limped back over to the popular table, fuming. Tucker leaned over to Sam.

"I knew it," he whispered. "Danny's PMSing."

"Tucker!"