MODELS?! This is just painful, not only is the office being overrun with models for a new perfume called "Exclusive" but the air is crowded with the awful fragrance. In typical Cat Grant fashion she took the opportunity to pester every gossip riddled beauty queen for a quote or a comment. Jimmy couldn't keep his eyes in his head, and even Clark seemed a little more interested in the office guests then I thought he'd be.
"The beautiful people," I grumbled. Jimmy made some audible satisfied sigh. "It's a sad comment on society: Dress a certain way, smell a certain way and the world will love you."
"Yeah, it's sad, Lois. Very, very sad," Clark jabbed as he watched one of the model sash-shay by him.
"Anyway like I said before, we're never going to get any work done today," I pointed out.
"So why don't we just take the day off," Clark suggested.
Excuse me? "Because it's a work day, Clark."
"Haven't you ever played hooky, Lois?" I couldn't believe that of all people Clark was the one suggesting this.
"Never!" He gave me a look that could've been mistaken for pity. "Besides, what is so great about playing hooky?"
He shrugged, "Just being someplace you're not supposed to be. Doing something you're not supposed to do, it's just... fun." He had a point. I'm always doing something I'm not supposed to do, but it is usually because I'm hot on the case of some great Superman scoop.
"Well I had fun in High School," I defended, "Chess club, Math club." To name a few.
"Wow."
"What are you saying, Clark? That I'm not a fun person? That I don't know how to have fun?" Clark open and shut his mouth like the smart man that he isn't. I even shot a pointed look at Jimmy for good measure.
"I didn't say a word," he replied.
"Have you tried my new fragrance?" Before anyone could reply we dosed in a foul smell that revolted our sense. Why would anyone pay for something so awful, much less wear it? I went back to my desk muttering something about how rude that was, but then everything went blank.
My head rang as my eyes blinked open. Where am I? My surrounding were familiar but not mine. I gingerly stood to my feet trying to recall how I got here. Clark's searching eyes blurred in front of me.
"Lois, I can't take it anymore. If you really want me, I'm yours."
I felt his grip tighten. In a split second two thoughts ran through my head, hmm I love the feel of his arms around me and what the heck? Abort and get answers. I quickly fought him off, "Clark! Have you lost your mind?" He flashed me a confused look forcing me to take a look at myself. "Oh... or have I lost mine?"
I heard his heavy sigh of relief, "I'm just glad you're okay."
"What happened? Why am I here... dressed like this?"
"I'm not exactly sure, but do you remember anything?" I thought hard for a second hoping for a glimmer or clue as to what may have happened.
"Nothing. The last two days are completely blank." He quickly put his trench coat over me and ushered me to the couch. I slunk into the cushions hoping that I would just disappear. Clark, ever the gentleman, left me alone with my humiliation as he made me a cup of coffee, black, just like I like it. We sat in silence until he couldn't take it anymore.
"Are you feeling better?"
"No," I whined.
"Are you gonna talk to me?"
I shook my head, "No. Too humiliated."
He acted quickly, "Lois, I told you. You weren't yourself last night. It's just lucky that stuff wore off in time to stop you from... further humiliating yourself." Lucky that it was Clark I was attracted to because any other man in Metropolis would've taken advantage of the opportunity in a heartbeat. But why the heron costume?
"Did I really do the dance of the seven veils?"
He tried hard not to smirk, "Yep, all seven of them." Then he said the one thing I needed to hear. "Lois, please let's forget about last night. We need to find this Miranda. We have to find out what is in this stuff, and how and why she's using it. Come on. I need you." Yeah right. "I need my partner back."
Oh Clark, "Okay. I'm going home, I'll get dressed. I'll be back in an hour. And don't even think about making me wait." I added the last of that of emphasis, and letting him know that I am back.
You want to talk about questionable, this Miranda's shop was questionable. It felt like a witch's lair trying to disguise itself as a perfume shop. I wouldn't be surprised if I could find Love Potion No. 9 on the shelves. Clark looked just as out of place as I did but this is our story and no crazy Witch would scare us away.
Speak of the witch, "Looking for something in particular?"
"No, not really." I replied. She wastes no time. Clark immediately flashed that snake charming smile and turned up the male magnetism. You have no right to be jealous Lois, you don't even like him. Miranda fell for it hook, line and sinker but I guess that is the beauty of flattery and a handsome face. Wow, that potion must not have fully worn off yet. "I believe we have," I heard Clark confirm. "I'm Clark Kent, this is Lois Lane from the Daily Planet."
"Oh yes of course. I was just up there the other day sampling my competition's new fragrance and trying out one of my own." Clark took the cue and focused in on that tidbit. I knew what he was doing but she seemed very impressed. She watched him about as close as I did.
"I call it Revenge," she announced with a smile.
"Can you tell us the ingredients?" I figured now would be a good time to remind her that I was standing right here.
"Come now, Miss Lane, surely you don't expect me to give away all my secrets?" She had the audacity to laugh at my question.
Alright, gloves off. "Look let's just cut the niceties. Whatever witch's brew you sprayed on us made half the newsroom loony tunes in love. People were hurt by what you did. Humiliated! My friend, Jimmy, almost got killed."
She purred like the cat in her arms. "Surely you're not suggesting that I had anything to do with that, are you? I just sell perfume."
I really don't like you, Sister, "Perfume that make people crazy."
"You know Miss Lane," and now she is going to lecture me. "Animals are ruled by their sense of smell. We humans like to think that we've evolved away from all that. But sometimes I am not so sure. Even so, I have no idea what you're talking about. Excuse me, I do have some things to do in back." We left soon after she disappeared. I knew she was lying and oddly enough Clark did too but he had a more country boy way of putting it.
"It's an expression. She was going a mile a minute, her pulse rate was over 150."
"Must be one of those Kansas expressions. So we know that she did it. How do we prove it?" My sneaky partner cracked a smile and pulled out a shiny black bottle of perfume. Oh Clark I knew I liked you! Now off to the lab.
"Pheromones? I've never heard of them," I mentioned to Clark.
Always quick to correct, "Sure you have. Pheromones: a chemical substance secreted by animals which produces a specific response to others of the same species." Oh goodness.
"Luckily it wears off in 48 hours."
"Based on a person's metabolic rate."
"I don't get it. Dr. Freedmen said it should only work if you're already attracted to the person. Then it just overrides you normal restraint."
"Right. There has to be some animal magnetism there to begin with. All this does is inhibit that part of the brain which acts as an intellectual defense mechanism leaving the person helpless to control themselves."
"But that would mean I found you..." Nope I can't say it. I won't say it! "Clark you were sprayed. How come you didn't fall for me?"
"Guess I'm just not attracted to you, Lois." Oh yeah right, Smallville!
"LIAR! You are so attracted to me." He played the game a little longer before we got back on topic. I will get you Clark. I will get you.
After a couple of days the office was finally back to normal but something was left in the mail for me.
"Dear Lois. If you want to know everything about Revenge, I will speak to you alone, woman to woman. Meet me at Metropolis Airport. Miranda."
No way am I passing this up. Now to get out of here without arousing Clark's suspicious. Jimmy created the perfect distraction as the drama with his Supermodel crush came to a climax. Clark looked at me with a happy smile on his face, but with a question in his eyes.
"Um, I have to go run a couple of errands Clark. I will catch up with you later." He nodded but as usual didn't seem convinced, thankfully he didn't question me. I arrived at the airport with a minute to spare.
"Miranda," I called into the empty hanger.
"Lois, I'm so glad you could make it. I have everything all ready for you." Something about her overly happy demeanor put me on edge but I couldn't let her know that.
"Ready?"
"Oh yes," she exclaimed. "Well of course it was very difficult, replacing all the Malathion with my formula."
Something very strange is going on here. "I don't understand."
"Of course you don't, dear," her voice became calm and threatening, "But soon you will." She covered me in another cloud of awful fragrance. "And then you'll die... Painfully. God love hurts." she finished.
Seriously? "Why me?" I got out through coughing attacks.
"Just jealous, I guess," was the last explanation I heard before my world going black.
I awoke to find myself dangling over a tub of acid like chemicals. Wow, very Batman Villain-ish. My screams seemed to be in vain, as the chains moved slowly to lower me into the witch's boiling cauldron. Too busy trying to scream myself to safety I didn't see or hear the appearance of my personal superhero. The chain broke above and I felt my heart stop as I plunged down into... the waiting arm of Superman himself. Perfect timing and a perfect face. He put me to my feet but made sure I was steady before focusing his attentions on apprehending Miranda. No don't go... but you have too.
He came back soon enough, and so did Lex apparently. "Superman!" I rushed to meet him as he touched down with Miranda in tow. Breathlessly I approached him. "Boy it's a good thing that stuff doesn't have any effect on you... Or does it?" He flashed me a cheeky grin and said the words I've wanted to hear from him for months now.
"Lois Lane, I love you." Crazy how five words can make my heart flutter and my brain come to a screeching halt.
"Oh Superman," I floundered. "You don't know how long I've waited to hear you say those words. Oh but you're not yourself, and I couldn't take advantage for the situation..." Take the chance! When are you ever going to get this chance again? "Oh what the hell?"
His lips fit over my perfectly. He kissed me back as if he were just as hungry for this moment as well. I felt his hand lead a path up my back and into my hair. I lost myself in the sensation of being held so possessively. But Lex had to butt in, Oh go away Lex! I didn't really pay attention to the men's conversation. I just floated in the moment that I would cherish forever.
I tuned in just in time for Superman to say goodbye. "Today was perfect: I kissed Superman and scooped Clark on another story. Oh Clark... eat your heart out!
Author's Note:
This is one of my favorite episodes in season one, so I tried to be extra careful with it. I hope you like it. Comment and let me know what you think of it.