12 – A sorta-kinda Halloween special

"Wake up Rin!"

As it was not his insane younger brother's voice that had spoken, Rin opted to ignore the pleading tone and the hands clawing at his head in favour of going back to sleep.

Had it been Yukio waking him up, Rin would have shot out of bed, grabbed the Kurikara and jumped out the window, as per usual. But Yukio had gone on a mission the previous night, and that meant there was no immediate danger. And that he had the chance to get some rest for once.

Ignoring the fact that 'rest' meant having to spend the night with his damned father.

"D'aww, I knew you loved me~"

Shut up, bastard.

"Oh for the love of ever 'effing Truth(1)… Rin! Get the fuck up, it's an emergency damn it!"

Still no response, although Rin couldn't help but note that Iblis' voice was a lot more panicked than usual.

"...C'mon Rin! Don't you care at all about your dear older brother?" A snore was the only response he got. "Rin?" Snore. "Riiiiiiiin?" Snooooooore.

Iblis sniffled, before a purely demonic smirk found itself across his face.

"Oh 'ello Yukio!" He called out happily as Rin shot up, wide awake as he made to jump out the window, only to be stopped as Iblis tripped him. "Success!"

Rin glared, ignoring Satan's (totally not girly) shrieks of "shit no not Yukio I'm too fucking fabulous to die, damn it!" as he wondered why Iblis wasn't in his usual Panda form. His confusion took less than a second to warp into anger.

"The fuck did you do that for?"

Iblis sniffled. "You wouldn't listen to my helpless pleas so I had to improvise."

"Err..." Well, it was true. Rin couldn't deny that. "So what do you want?" He asked as Satan continued to plea for his life inside his head, obviously having not noticed the lack of Yukio in the room.

And hopefully building.

And town.

And country.

And world.

Heck, maybe his bat-shit insane younger brother had managed to get stuck in Gehenna and was causing havoc and pandemonium there, never to return to Assiah...

"Oh nii-san, I'm back~"

...But that was wishful thinking.

Iblis barely had the time to turn back into a panda as Rin grabbed him and the Kurikara before diving out of the closed window, ignoring just how many stories high their dorm room was and the shattered glass.

At least demons related to Satan had an amazing healing factor.

After making sure they were a somewhat safe distance away from Yukio (all the way over the other side of the campus grounds), Rin stopped running like the devil himself was chasing them, putting Iblis down before relaxing slightly.

Key word being slightly, knowing that Yukio was somewhere in the academy town meant that they had to be on guard at all times.

"Holyshitholyshitholyshitholyshit."

Rin sighed, wondering when and how things had gotten so bad that even his father was terrified of Yukio.

"You called me father again! Papa is so happy~"

Ah, that snapped Satan out of his fear.

Shut up, bastard.

"Nah."

Fuck you.

"Eww, no. That's the kind of thing I did with your mother. Y'know she was really-"

...WHAT THE FUCK, BASTARD!?

"What? I thought that it was a bonding exercise for the parent to tell fucking tales of their past to their children?"

Rin would have choked had there been anything to choke on. Instead he tripped over his own feet, tumbling face-first into the concrete path. Where the hell did you get something like that from!?

"Internet."

Oh for fucks sake... Please, never ever tell me about things like that. Ever.

"You call me Papa and it's a deal."

Wha- NO!

"Alrighty then! Oh how I remember her, how much she loved to-"

|The story is experiencing technical difficulties like no other, Author-san apologises for the inconvenience|

"-oh fuck no! Are you telling me that bastard Fujimoto didn't even give you the bloody talk!?"

What's 'the talk'?

"...Fuck it! Oh? What's this? 'Explaining the Birds and the Bees for Dummies?' This'll work. 'When a man and a woman love each other very much'- oh fuck no! You see Rin, when demons decide that they want to-"

|Technical difficulties are such a wonderful thing, no?|

"-and that, my dear son, was the talk."

Iblis stared at Rin, who was staring blankly at the ground with a rather broken look in his eyes.

That was... concerning. But not the most urgent of matters. In fact, the fire king had something much more pressing to do than contemplate how some kind of invisible entity had broken his youngest brother (because there was no way he would ever consider the...the monster...known as Yukio to be related to him. Even Satan was never that loopy, and that was saying something).

"Oi, Rin," he begun, kicking the half-demon's foot, "I really need your help, bro. So if you, could, you know, stop acting like Satan just gave you the talk?"

Iblis raised an eyebrow as the words 'Satan' and 'talk' caused Rin to shudder violently. There was no way for their father to have told Rin about that without him noticing, right?

...right?

Later, he decided, he would contemplate the implications later. And that meant that he'd never get around to contemplating it, ever.

"RIN!" Iblis snapped, this time hitting one of Rin's legs with his tiny paws. "I really, reallyreallyreally need your help, damn it! I'll teach you how to throw fireballs like Mario(2) if you do! Deal? "

"Deal!" Rin exclaimed. He blinked. "Wait, what?"

Iblis just grinned. "You see, there's a certain being that always targets me around this time of year. It's called... The Purple People Eater(3)."

Rin stared. "The what...?"

Iblis nodded, paws clenched into fists as he looked down in shame. "The Purple People Eater. A truly despicable demon, the worst of the worst- though not as horrifying as Yukio, mind you- it is a truly terrifying being."

"Oh! It's that time of year again, is it? Well shit, time does fly fast."

What?

"If I remember correctly, it couldn't get the job in the rock 'n roll band like it had always wanted to... The poor thing ended up as a debt collector. Tracks down Iblis every Halloween without fail, it's quite bloody amazing that Iblis still hasn't payed anything back... Given how strong that thing is."

Rin blinked, frowning at Iblis. "So," he begun, "what do you want me to do?"

Iblis grinned sheepishly. "Win back all the money I owe by the end of the day?"

"And how much is that?"

"Don't ask! You'll regret it- fuck you already asked. Damn it Rin!"

Iblis smiled cheerfully. "Weeeeeeeeell-" he handed Rin a slip of paper. -"about this much! Remember, Rin, a deal is a deal~"

Rin was looking sickening pale, but even that couldn't reflect what he was feeling on the inside.

"What. The. Fuck."

"Told you you'd regret it, dumbass."

Rin, upon discovering that the piece of paper unfolded, revealing an even larger number, was too shocked to respond.

"Well, what're we waiting for, time to go gamble!" Iblis said, jumping onto Rin's shoulder.

"I have class!"

"So what? That's never stopped you before."

"I haven't skipped class to gamble before, Iblis!"

"Well, there's a first time for everything, right? Besides, I doubt you could win even half of the money I owe." Rin growled. Ah, reverse psychology was such a wonderful thing.

Iblis stared, unable to comprehend what had just happened even if he should have expected the outcome.

Rin was grinning happily, waving off another poor, helpless, formerly-rich demon while everyone else in the room seemed completely and utterly terrified of the half-demon sitting at a poker table.

Suguro, who they had kidnapped sometime while leaving, was staring gobsmacked at the half-demon while trying to figure out why Rin and his panda seemed to be comfortable in a room full of obviously high-class and violent demons. They were exorcists, damn it!

As it turned out, Rin had proven once again that he truly had more luck than the devil. The gamblers that had been at the demon casino they were at (quite a long way from True Cross with their tracks covered, least Yukio try to hunt Rin and Suguro down for skipping class) had been rather on the wealthy side.

And they had been quite foolish as well, believing that they could stand a chance against Rin.

Upon noticing some of the demons become violent... well, violent-er... Iblis got Rin's attention.

"We need to get out of here, now."

Rin pouted. "Aww, but this is fun!"

Suguro glared, even as he begun to sweat and fidget in nervous panic. He wasn't oblivious to the demons plotting their demise, unlike Rin. "Because, you moron, you've obviously pissed off a whole lot of strong demons!"

"So?" Rin asked. "They're nothing compared to a pissed of Yukio." All three of the shuddered at the thought.

Much to the trio's surprise, any and all anger within the surrounding demons turned to fear the instant the name 'Yukio' was mentioned.

"You- you know of that monster?" A powerful Kappa-like demon that went by the name of Random Demon Number One called out, voice trembling.

"Yeah," Rin called back. "I live with him." He told them, shuddering in fear as Satan once again went back to freaking out.

Several gasps resounded throughout the room.

"...You live with 'the trigger-happy, bat-shit insane bogeyman exorcist who's name shall not be said'...?" Random Demon Number One's youngest brother- Random Demon Number Sixty Three- asked hesitantly.

Rin sighed. "Yeah..."

At the confirmation, the half-demon suddenly found himself surrounded as the room was filled with an aura akin to overprotectiveness and awe.

"You poor, poor thing!"

"To think... and I had thought encountering him once was horrible!"

"I can't imagine how horrifying it must be to actually live with him!"

"He must truly be a strong demon!"

"One worthy of our respect, if he can survive living with that monster!"

"What the fuck just happened?" Suguro asked as the three walked cautiously through the academy town. After receiving no answer, he looked at Rin, "I am going to go to bed, sleep, and then pretend that this whole day was a dream."

"Err... Sure?" Rin agreed.

"Seriously," Suguro continued, "there is no way any of this actually happened anyway. There's no way you dragged me to a casino for demons of all things, won so much money you could be one of the richest people in the world and got a room full of high-class demons to join RASSABIY after mentioning your brother! The next thing I know you'll be covered in blue flames and admitting that your Satan's son!"

Rin sneezed, blue flames consuming him as his tail unwound and came out of hiding. "Haha..." He scratched the back of his head sheepishly, "funny thing is..."

Suguro stared. "...Whatever Shima spiked my coffee this morning with, it's damn effective."

Rin opened his mouth to protest, but Suguro shut him up with a glare.

"That's the story and we're sticking with it. I'm tired. And I'm terrified of Yukio. I fully intend to push the blame on Shima, and that's that. Got it?"

Rin nodded slowly.

Suguro smiled, "I'm even going to ignore that One Eyed One Horned Flyin' Purple People Eater behind you. Bye."

And he was gone in a cloud of dust, the bastard.

Rin turned to face the Purple People Eater, smiling as he held up the rather large pile of his winnings, inwardly thanking his demonic strength. He had won a lot. "Iblis told me to give this to you to pay off his debts-" he ignored the panda giving him a thumbs up from his place hidden behind his leg. "-it should be enough, right?"

The Purple People Eater nodded, undeniably surprised that Iblis had managed to finally pay back what he owed.

"Soooo... I heard you wanted to be part of a rock 'n roll band?" Rin asked, curious.

"Yes. But I was never cut out for it." The Purple People Eater said sadly.

Rin placed his hands on its shoulders. "Don't give up on your dreams! I'm sure you'll find the perfect band for yourself!"

"Really!?"

"Yeah!"

"...Son, I'm proud of you and all but... The whole reason it could never find a band was because it ate the members of said bands."

Rin blanched. Shit.

"Now papa is more than proud! To get such a strong demon to go back to its human eating ways… you've done well. Oh the terror the Purple People Eater will cause once again! Mwahahahahahahahaha!"

That's a really cliché evil laugh.

"…Shut up."

12 – A sorta-kinda Halloween special: End

Next time: Enough procrastinating, the Exwire exams begin!

…Maybe…

References:

(1) – The FullMetal Alchemist universe's equivalent to God, I suppose.

(2) – There is a power-up in some Mario games that grants Mario the ability to throw fireballs.

(3) – From the song 'Purple People Eater' by 'Sheb Wooley'.