Title: My Destiny

Author: thousand-miles

Rating: T

Disclaimer: don't own any of these characters. If I did, things sure would be different.

Spoilers: This takes place somewhere beginning of S2. So everything up to that could be spoilerish if you haven't seen that.

Summary: Red and Lizzie are at odds. Red takes her to a cabin in the woods, but Lizzie is angry with Red and everything he does. Red is tired of her behaviour and asks her if she wants him to go. Will Lizzie ask him to go and ruin what they have and what they can be?

A/N: A new fic. Angst. Biggest question I've been wondering lately in this show, does Lizzie even deserve Red? Reviews and follows will be greatly appreciated. No promises on the frequency of updates.

Chapter one

"What are we doing here?" Elizabeth Keen asked. She was in what seemed to be the middle of nowhere, standing in front of a cabin. All she could see was snow, trees and in the short distance a lake. There was no other cabin in sight. She could be mistaken though. It was hard to see due to the time of day and the lack of light.

Raymond "Red" Reddington gently pushed the woman standing in front of him towards the door. "It's freezing. Let's get inside."

"Answer the question." She crossed her arms and glared at him.

"We are here so you can get some rest."

"I don't need any rest. Besides who are you to decide I need rest?"

He had the urge to sigh at her antics. She'd been uncooperative, rebellious and really wearing on his patience for weeks now. Nothing he said or did pleased her. He was getting tired of it. He didn't know how much longer he could take of her behaviour. This seemed like a last attempt to mend their partnership. "Cooper and I both decided you need rest."

"You talked to Cooper about me?"

He interrupted her quickly. "Cooper talked to me. He had noticed that you seem to be.."

"I'm what?"

"You are constantly agitated. So before you kill someone innocent we decided to force you into a holiday."

"It's not up to you to decide what I do or do not need." She started pacing the small hallway. "You're the one.."

He held up his hand to her, indicating he wanted her to stop talking. "I'm tired Elizabeth. I don't need to hear yet again how I ruined your life. Now I had hoped we could repair the damage to our partnership, but perhaps my hope is futile. I don't know. If you want me to leave I will, but not tonight. I need to sleep." He grabbed his bag and went upstairs, leaving her alone in the dark cabin.

She watched him walk away and sighed. She knew he was on the receiving end of her temper most of the time. It was unfair to blame him for everything, but it was much easier to be mad at him than deal with everything that was going on. She walked into the living room and switched the light on. There was a big fireplace in the middle of the back wall. There was a big couch, a love seat and a comfortable looking armchair situated in front of the fireplace. Walking past one of the other walls she let her fingers slide across the books. She always loved reading. Lately though she'd hardly read at all. She ended up at one of the big windows and looked outside. There wasn't much she could see. It was mostly snow. She could see the lake too and the pier leading into the water. She leaned her head against the cold window and sighed once more. For the first time in weeks she let herself feel how tired her body was. She shivered. She realized she was at a loss and knew that the time she was provided with was something she desperately needed. But did she need time alone or would she prefer to spend her time with Red? That was a difficult question to answer. Her heart and mind kept battling to answer the question. For these last few months she'd learned to ignore her heart, knowing that would make it all much more complicated. But even worse, she knew she wasn't ready yet to deal with what her heart was telling her. It was one of the many reasons she chose to lash out at him.

She wandered into the kitchen, which wasn't big, but there was enough space. What caught was the large window that presented another wonderful view, this time though, of the forest. She had to admit, the place felt comfortable. She felt comfortable here and she wondered if he'd known that. She searched the cabinets for a glass and wine. Finding it she pored herself a glass. She walked back into the living room and sat down in the love seat. She listened closely if there were any sounds from upstairs but heard none. She leaned her head back against the seat and closed her eyes. She still didn't allow herself to feel everything that was going on inside her. She couldn't. She was nowhere near to being able to handle that. She realized though that in the morning she had to talk to Red and knew that moment was going to define their future and it terrified her.

Finishing her wine, she grabbed her bag and went upstairs. There were several doors, but only one was closed. She guessed that was Red's room. She looked at the other doors. She could choose the room opposite to him, next to him or the one furthest away. She went for the room opposite of his. That way he was nearby but it also showed her need for distance. At least in her mind it did. She was surprised at how spacious the bedroom was. There was a king-size bed, even a small sitting area and a luxurious bathroom. There was a big bathtub but also a bit shower. She already saw herself lying in that tub. For a fleeting moment she imagined herself lying in the tub with the man sleeping in the bedroom opposite to hers. She took a long hot shower hoping it would relax her enough to go to sleep. She changed in black boy shorts and a white tank top. Before she crawled into the bed she looked outside. That's when she noticed the door that led to the balcony. She knew she had found another great spot to read if it wasn't too cold. The love seat in front of the fireplace was her favourite for sure.

She crawled into bed and pulled the covers up high. Lying on her back she took some deep breaths. She knew another sleepless night was ahead of her. She had a decision to make, but didn't know what it was going to be. The impact of the decision overwhelmed her. Tomorrow Red was going to ask her if she wanted him gone or not. What did she really want?

TBC...