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So we've established by now that I suck at updating... But I'm still here! Every review or msg gets to me straight away, and I read and smile at each one! So while I may not be updating all the time, I am constantly writing away. So don't fear! The story does go on!

When you go through the heartache of having to watch 'Thirteen' again, multiple times... I need some ice cream and a hug! God I hope this lives up to all your expectations *crosses everything for luck*

Chapter countdown to divergence = 1!

Throwback to you guys;

SkyWanheda; We all hate Titus. Its been a year and I still dream of fun ways to kill him over and over again.

SummerStormWar; Sometimes we can't save the ones we love. But we can try.

FurionKnight; Good to hear! :D

Hexe; Lol I'll try my best!

Sailor Sayuri; I'm a sucker for big puppy eyes :P Glad you still love the story!

Leapyearbaby29; So many questions... So little time...

LynTalvas; Big up to w/e binging! Haha we all wanna smack Lexa into action.

Blckfenix; I was writing this update when I got your review. I'm happy to report it helped me finish it. So thanks!

Turn up the volume around 2:17 : Stole You Away by Benjamin Francis Leftwich.

My fight is over...

Clarke.

Semet's body slammed suddenly into the ground at his people's feet. The shock of it stunned the room. Nobody knew how to react.

Titus stood back to speak to Lexa, his words were lost on me. Somebody had started shouting. And then others followed their example.

I couldn't pay much attention to any of it. I was staring at the dead man on the floor. Another dead body. Despite what we'd done to prevent such a thing from happening. I stared at Semet's still eyes looking up at the ceiling. I was trying to work out how it'd come to this. And how the hell it could be fixed.

Thing was, I wasn't sure it could be.

"Do you still believe you know whats best, Clarke?"

I looked up and into the deep black off Titus' furious eyes as he took another step away from the throne and toward me. He looked down on me with a smug gleam in his otherwise stern expression. An 'I told you so' would have struck me softer.

I didn't know what to say to him or how to defend myself. How could I? I'd been wrong.

So wrong..

When I didn't answer him, Titus glanced back in Lexa's direction. His expression held still with an unnatural frozen calm. But I saw the concern for his commander in his eyes. I saw his worry.

"Or are we no longer at an impasse?" he asked me in a low voice.

I looked too towards the throne and saw Lexa staring down at her people. In shock. Fear even. The volume of shouts in the room was increasing. Her people had began moving forward, pointing at her with furious expressions. Lexa's guards began shoving them back. Titus left me to bark at them all to move away. And Lexa...

Lexa was watching it all, shell shocked, flinching a little with every furious yell directed her way.

Immediately I slipped my way around Titus' back. I ignored his outright look of disapproval and made my way over to Lexa. I didn't give a damn what it would look like. I had to make sure she was okay.

Lexa didn't notice me. She'd closed her eyes and was breathing deeply to herself. I felt my heart aching when it looked like Lexa was trying to calm herself down. To stop herself freaking out. I wanted to take her hand, or wrap an arm around her. To take her someplace safe and quiet where she couldn't feel the hurt in her people's voices screaming at her to wage war. Someplace she wouldn't be torn.

But I couldn't.

"Lexa?" I softly said her name, hoping to bring her out of her own head.

Lexa opened her eyes. When she looked back at me she looked calm. But then her eyes flitted around us as if seeing everything again for the first time. It hurt watching her take in the state of her people, of knowing she felt she'd betrayed them.

This wasn't your betrayal, I think to her as I unthinkingly reach out for her hand.

Lexa moved before I have the chance to take it. She looked back to me with a sudden regret in her eyes as she called her guards over. They took hold of my arms and lead me quickly from Lexa's side, and I went furiously until Jes whispered to me that it was all a rouse. So that Lexa's people wouldn't think she was showing me any special treatment after what had just happened.

"Come on, Clarke" Jes whispered pulling with Cain when I paused by my friend.

Octavia looked up at me, begging me to do something. But I couldn't do anything right now. I needed to talk to Lexa alone first.

You'll be okay, I silently tell her.

I knew Lexa wouldn't harm her. Octavia looked back at me like I'd gone crazy.

"Titus, clear the room. I need to talk to Octavia alone" I heard Lexa order behind us as we reached the door.

I glanced back again in time to see Titus barking at his people to leave. Most of them wore thunderous expressions as they left the room after us. They didn't agree with anything Lexa had said. I worried what they might try to do now that they had Lexa's orders.

Obey..

Or fight.

"Whats going to happen to Octavia?" I asked my guards as they took me from the shouting people filling the corridors outside the throne room and walked me down the stairs to my own quarters. I saw them exchange a look. It didn't look promising.

Jes reached out and touched my arm, "She will be interrogated. If she truthfully tells Heda everything she wishes to know, then no harm will come to her"

"Heda respects those who obey" Cain agreed.

"And those who don't?" I asked, mind flying back to that moment at the mountain when Lincoln had refused to leave with his people as Lexa had ordered. I winced thinking that could happen to Octavia. She was too proud and headstrong to follow Lexa's orders. I didn't want her getting hurt for the sake of her pride.

Neither of them answered me. Jes just let go of my arm and avoided my eye. It did nothing to stop the sick way my gut was twisting in fear for my friend.

Jes reached out when we made it to my room to open the door and let me walk inside. I stopped a couple steps in. Monroe was sat on the bed waiting for us. Her sword was laying across her lap ready.

I looked back at Jes, confused. She nodded at her second.

"Many see her as Skaikru still. She will be safest with you. And you, safest with her"

I thought I heard the tips of shy concern enter her voice as she explained herself. She looked worried. Her eyes kept flitting between the two of us. I wanted to reassure her. Tell her that Lexa wouldn't let us be harmed in anyway.

But she had promised the same about herself too, I remembered, revisiting Semet's attack in my head.

I started worrying again about Lexa's mind right now. She was scared, I knew that much. And I knew what she did when she was scared. I'd barely been able to save my people the last time she'd been angry and backed into a corner. How would I stop it now when I wasn't with her to talk her out of any crazy ideas Titus was giving her?

"Cain and I will be guarding the door" Jes told us stepping forward on my thoughts. When we both nodded she turned to her second, "You will be guarding Clarke"

Monroe bowed her head, "Yes, teacher"

Jes' eyes warmed a little at Monroe's respect. She looked back to me again before she turned to leave the room.

The door closed quietly and behind me Monroe let out a long exhausted breath.

I knew how she felt.

We both remained quiet for a while, listening to the two grounders guarding the door and the others throughout the tower still yelling angrily over their Commander's decision. I started pacing between the door and the window when it started to make me feel anxious.

"You ever get the feeling we're just forever walking the road to be floated?" Monroe asked me after a while in a quiet voice.

I turned to her. She was staring down at her sword, with fingers gliding down it sadly. Like it was her final moments with it until it was taken away from her.

"Seems every quiet moment we get is just another short stop along the way" she mumbled.

I didn't know what to tell her to make it better. I understood what she was saying. What she was thinking. I hated how unfair it all seemed on her. She didn't deserve any of this.

Monroe continued to stare at her sword a moment and pressed her finger in a little too far into its edge. The small cut on her thumb bled a little but she didn't notice.

"We're going back..." She looked up at me to answer her, "Aren't we?"

I stayed silent. Her question, so loaded with defeat and misery, was something I didn't want to think about. But I had to. Lexa had set a blockade. Any Skaikru across the line would be killed. We were Skaikru. Whether we liked it or not. We had to return to the Ark.

"We need to see Octavia" I told her instead, "Find out what the hell is going on"

Monroe nodded in agreement, "How? She's being interrogated by Heda. I don't know about you, but I am not going up against that batshit flame keeper guard dog of hers"

"Me either" I mumbled and racked my mind for a way to see Octavia without causing more problems.

I started pacing again and Monroe watched me silently.

"You know..." I stopped and looked down at her, "Technically... You are still Skaikru'a ambassador.."

I frowned at her not following and gave her a blank look to get to the point.

"So?"

Monroe rolled her eyes at me as if it was obvious.

"So you're still a figure of power. Look at Roan. He was still allowed visitors when he was Lexa's prisoner"

"Roan was a prince" I pointed out beginning my pacing and thinking again.

"And? You're Wanheda!" she argued back smirking when I looked down at her, "Kinda trumps royalty in this society"

I thought about it but really I didn't have a choice. Besides, the grounders either respected me or feared me anyway. There was no point fighting it when I needed to use it to my advantage this time.

I slowly started to smile too.

"C'mon" I told her moving forward to haul her onto her feet, "You're my guard"

Monroe grinned and sheathed her sword, "For the first time ever it's actually my pleasure, Clarke"

I shared a quick grin with her and walked to the door.

I called Jes in and lied to her with a request for some pain relief. She saw me holding my arm and wince, and immediately nodded and left. After that Cain was easy to persuade with a message for Lexa. I knew he'd be stuck outside the throne room for a while waiting to get in to talk to her. I was betting on Titus refusing anyone to be near Lexa right now.

"Ready?" Monroe asked me after we crept out of the room together.

I nodded. I looked down to her sword and she took the hint to have a hand ready on it. Just in case.

We walked easily without trouble. Lexa's guards seemed to have abandoned the lower levels of the tower. Probably to guard their commander instead. It sent a scared tremble down my back thinking it. It made me remember how small she'd looked against her people's anger. When she'd always reassured me she could handle herself, that contrast was frightening to me. It made me worry for her. A lot.

"Clarke?"

Monroe had been shaking my wrist, trying to get my attention.

I blinked and looked to her looking at me worried.

"Okay?" She asked. I nodded, "Will you be alright here a sec while I go find out where Octavia is?"

I nodded again and turned to stand at the window beside us. I heard Monroe hesitate a moment behind me before she took of quickly down the hall. I allowed myself to breathe deeply the second I was alone. I was pretty scared. For myself and my people.

And Lexa, my heart throbbed hurtfully not enjoying the way I was thinking about that moment in the throne room. I felt so guilty about it. None of this would have happened if I'd just let Lexa punish my people for the massacre before.

But you couldn't, my heart whispered around its pain, They're you're people.

Bitterly I accepted it.

Maybe I wish they weren't, I thought to myself as my eyes drifted thoughtfully to the world outside. In the distance I saw storm clouds approaching the city. I couldn't help but take it as a bad sign.

"Griffin!" A voice whispered making me jump.

I span around and rushed to Monroe's side when she waved me over. She turned straight away and began leading me off to another corridor. I couldn't stop my blurted question of what was going on upstairs. Her grim expression said it was nothing good.

She lead me through several corridors and doors before she finally stopped.

"She's in there" she mumbled nodding to a door ahead of us.

I blinked in surprise. I'd half expected Octavia to have been locked up in the cells downstairs. A flutter of warm gratitude for the commander filled me knowing Lexa had treated Octavia as a guest instead of an enemy. I knew it'd been because of me.

Monroe leant back against the wall beside the door. Her right hand played with her sword belt while she turned to face the corridor.

I quickly approached the door to slip into the room but was stopped when she said my name.

Monroe smiled a little and said, "Tell her I said hi"

I gave a short nod and opened the door.

I was greeted immediately by the sight of Octavia pacing up and down. I stared at the bruises and blood on her face. It worried me how she was still bleeding. But I was glad that none of it seemed very recently received.

Octavia stopped her anxious moving about seeing me walk into the room. Her bruised eyes ran up and down me coldly before she folded her arms.

"No wonder you wanted to stay" she huffed irritably at me. I wanted to roll my eyes.

"Stop" I told her in warning. I wasn't in the mood for her anger right now, "You know why I'm here"

She considered me a moment, probably questioning it herself. I'd always told my people I was here to represent them. But looking at Octavia it was clear she knew the other reason I'd chosen to come back to Polis.

I averted my gaze, too embarrassed to look her in the eye anymore.

"Are you okay?" She asked a little softer.

I let out a short breath.

No.

"Yeah, fine"

Octavia accepted it well enough.

"I saw Indra in the crowd. Why wasn't she with Lexa?"

I shook my head at her. I knew she cared about Indra but we had bigger problems to handle.

"Indra's not doing so well, Octavia" I said in a serious voice so she would know not to get into it, "We can't deal with that right now"

I gave her an apologetic look. I knew it sucked for her not being given any answers. I felt bad. But our situation gave us limited time to worry about everything. We had to focus on us and this new threat on our lives.

Octavia looked back at me annoyed but let it go "Okay, so what do we do?"

"I have to talk to Lexa"

"You just did that and came out with a kill order on all of us!" she growled back at me, "That's the second time that she left us all to die"

"The twelve clans want a war!" I snapped back at her, "You know that. Lexa's just trying not to wipe us out"

Octavia softly scoffed and shook her head at me, "Why am I not surprised that you're still defending her?"

Her brown eyes locked mine and she looked at me as if daring me to come out with it already. The real reason I stuck up for Lexa.

I took a step back and made my expression blank.

"Whats really going on at home?" I asked folding my arms crossly.

Octavia studied my expression with another soft scoff.

"You're even starting to look like her" I heard her mutter. She saw my impatient look back and rolled her eyes, "Pike's trying to expand our territory. But instead of asking, he's taking. And he's killing everything in his way"

I started shaking my head, "But he promised-"

"A little blood promise means nothing to him, Clarke" Octavia held my eyes carefully then, "What does it mean to you?"

Are you going to stand by your word that day? Her dark eyes asked me.

I swallowed the sudden lump in my throat. I'd promised to let Lexa do what she wanted if Pike broke our peace again. I'd sworn it with blood, in front of Lexa's people. They wouldn't let me take it back.

Octavia moved forward seeing me hesitate an answer, "Clarke, they're your people!"

"And look what they've done, Octavia!" I burst impatiently, "What they continue to do! For the longest time they've preached about grounders being savages. But you know what? They're not. We are!"

I turned away from her to breathe through my anger. I could hear her breathing calmly behind me, waiting for me to calm down so she could continue. I shook my head to myself. I hated being in the middle.

My people. My responsibility, I thought bitterly to myself.

My burden...

I turned to Octavia and asked her seriously, "Do you believe a blockade would work?"

Octavia was silent opposite me. Her eyes watched me carefully.

"No" her answer was blunt, "So long as Skaikru have guns... A blockade is more likely going to help Pike's cause"

I nodded. Though I wanted to believe otherwise I knew she was right.

"How much ammo does Arkadia have?" I asked next.

Octavia shrugged and I threw my hands up annoyed.

"I haven't exactly been allowed on the private tours, Clarke!" She snapped at me.

"I know. Sorry"

I started pacing irritably, trying to wrack my brain for something that could work.

Octavia watched me.

"I guess when they start starving they might turn on Pike. That's Lexa's plan, right?"

"Mine, actually" I mumbled.

Octavia didn't look surprised, "Does grounder princess make any of her own decisions anymore?"

I cast her a strong look to shut up.

"Look, this will go either two ways;" the younger girl told me seriously, "Either the people join Pike and kill the grounders on the blockade, then its war. Or, they starve and blame the grounders and then join Pike. There's no way this ends where our people don't see the grounders as the bad guys"

She's right.

"Kane-"

"Kane has zero influence lately, Clarke" Octavia told me bluntly, "He might be able to persuade a few people but when it comes down to it... What would you do if it was you? If you didn't know the whole picture and suddenly you were being starved by someone who'd promised to be your friend?"

I sighed defeated, "I'd fight back"

Octavia crossed her arms and nodded at me, "Exactly. The majority voted for Pike. The majority are gonna fight. Lexa has to know that"

"She thinks Kane can make them change their mind" I mumbled, "Because thats what I told her"

I realised suddenly how much more mess I'd created in telling Lexa my people would break given the time. If they didn't, if they instead fought back, even more lives would be lost and Lexa would blame me.

"He won't" Octavia's mouth shortened into a grim thin line. She looked at me with hard eyes, "So you have to change her mind"

I stood back knowing she was right. I gave her a curt nod.

"I'll see what I can do" I told her and turned to leave, "Stay here"

"There's not much else I can do locked in this tower!" she called after me as the door closed. I heard the crash of something hitting the floor after and could easily imagine she'd just kicked a chair over.

Monroe was looking bemused at the door.

"It went well then?"

I ignored her and started walking off into the direction of the throne room. Monroe hurried after me. Together we walked the cold corridors of the tower, avoiding the shouting people still calling out for justice in the levels above us.

I whispered with Monroe as we walked, telling her that my plan was to speak to Lexa and try to come out of this with at least a head start home for us. She didn't look thrilled.

"You think you can talk Lexa out of it?" she asked looking to me hopefully.

"I'll try. But I can't...promise... Is that Titus?"

I nodded to the end of the corridor where three figures were lurking in the dark talking. I recognised Titus' tall frame and tattooed head. But I didn't recognise the two men he was speaking to. I was immediately suspicious.

I took a step closer so I could hear them better.

Monroe yanked me back. She held my arm tight and gave me a serious look.

"Whatever he's up to, trust me, Clarke, you don't want to cross him. He makes Jaha look like a saint"

I pulled her hand off me, "I'm not afraid of him"

I started to walk forward again but was stopped by a warrior walking out in front of me. I looked up the slim leather clad body moving to lean against the wall to block my path and saw Kiki smiling back at me. She glanced to Monroe a moment.

"Go" she ordered with a dangerous shift forward when Monroe hesitated.

At my nod Monroe left us. Hopefully to return to my room where she'd be safe.

"Wanheda" Kiki greeted with a bowing tilt of her head when we were alone, "Correct me if I'm wrong but I was certain that Heda had put you under arrest"

I gave her an annoyed look and glanced around her shoulder so I could watch Titus.

"You know that wasn't real" I mumbled frowning hard at the two guards nodding at the flame keeper. What was he up to?

I felt Kiki lean down to whisper in my ear, "I know that. But the rest of the city does not"

She leant away seeing my attention was elsewhere. I felt her watching me closely while I watched Titus wrap up his talk with Lexa's guards. They began walking towards us and I instinctively tensed myself for a fight. Kiki touched my wrist while they walked around us.

"Is everything alright, Clarke?" She asked me stepping closer when I didn't reply.

The clan chief turned to see what had me so distracted, just in time to see Titus glance up and give me a cold stare. I returned it as he walked slowly away. I breathed deeply to stop the paranoid thoughts. Titus was up to something. I just knew he was.

When I looked away from the now empty corridor and back to Kiki's stern eyes staring after Titus' leave I could tell it was a feeling she shared too.

Kiki turned back around and smiled catching my eye. She leant back against the wall with cool eyes watching me.

"How do you feel after that attack on Heda?" She asked.

I couldn't stop the shudder run through me being reminded about that. But I forced myself to look indifferent.

"I'm fine" I calmly told her.

Kiki's smile widened like she didn't believe me.

"Did you want something?" I asked her quickly feeling my patience running low, "I was in the middle of something important"

Kiki's eyes gleamed and her lips lifted higher at my little snap. She nodded to me and straightened up.

"I came to say goodbye"

I blinked at her. Goodbye?.

Kiki smiled at my surprise, "I'm to oversee the Skaikru blockade"

My heart squeezed but I also felt relief. At least Kiki seemed reasonable. I'd been scared Lexa would send another of her generals who would be ruthless and bloodthirsty. Like Tristan had been. Kiki being in charge gave me some hope.

"Lexa must trust you a lot" I mumbled back to her.

She nodded.

"Not nearly much as she trusts you" Kiki grinned at my quick look back at her, like she'd found a secret in my reaction, "I wonder if you will give me an answer if I were to ask where the two of you snuck off to earlier... Where you've been sneaking to these last couple of weeks each morning...?"

I stared at her in shock. How could she know about that? Lexa had always assured me nobody but us knew she'd been training me. I suddenly felt nervous around Kiki. She seemed a whole lot more smarter than I'd originally given her credit for.

"She's training me" I decided to tell her the truth. Before she thought the wrong idea in my deceit. I didn't know why but something about her made me believe it was better to have her on my side than against it.

Kiki's brow raised and her jaw slackened in utter surprise.

I shifted uncomfortably on the spot, "What?"

"To train with Heda is the highest honour" she told me seriously, "To train with Lexa.. in my opinion.. is even higher. She must think very highly of you"

I shifted embarrassed. She just stared at me some more. I didn't know what to say so I simply stayed quiet. Kiki recovered enough to smirk at me again and I just knew I wasn't going to like what she said next.

"Where did you go after training this morning?"

I narrowed my eyes at her, "Were you following us all day?"

Kiki chuckled, "No. I was in the stables and saw you walk to the tower together and then turn back on yourselves. Where did she take you?"

"The temple. I asked her about Ascension day. She took me there to show me"

Kiki really stared at me now. She looked at me like she couldn't believe I was real. I looked away shyly. I didn't like being looked at like that.

"Lexa took you to the temple?"

I nodded.

"Inside?"

I nodded again.

"With her?"

I sighed tired through another nod.

"You must share what happened!" Kiki gasped excitedly, gripping my wrist like a gossiping teen wanting the juicy story.

I gently pulled my arm free.

"Nothing happened" I said, feeling my face heat up despite it being the truth, "Lexa showed me the mural on the wall and told me the history behind Ascension day. Thats all"

Kiki bit her lip, "Did she speak of hers?"

"Not in any detail. Just told me she doesn't celebrate it"

The warrior's eyes narrowed at me, "How did she seem speaking of it?"

I thought back to this morning, to the moment Lexa had shared a part of her past with me. She'd looked different speaking of the kids she'd killed to become commander. Smaller somehow. Vulnerable.

"Sad" I muttered feeling my heart drop as if it shared Lexa's painful memories.

Kiki was silent for a long time before she stood back and looked me over. A proud gleam was coming to life in her eyes.

"She must hold you special in her heart to have taken you there of all places"

I glanced up at her with a skipping heartbeat, "Why?"

"That temple is haunted to Lexa. Too many ghosts from her past dwell there"

"Costia" I guessed immediately.

"I am not surprised you have heard of her" Kiki sighed sadly, making me think she'd known Lexa's dead girlfriend too, "She and Lexa used to meet there in the times before Lexa's conclave. And briefly a few times after she became Heda. Ever since..." Kiki looked down shaking her head, "Lexa does not step a foot near that place unless she must. She must care for you"

I looked away from her piercing stare to gaze down at my boots. I didn't know if what she said was true.

"I hope you return her level of care.." she spoke slowly, eyes glinting a different message when I glanced up again.

I swallowed knowing what she was really asking. I nodded to her.

"I-... She's my friend. A good friend. Despite our rocky past"

My heart thumped wanting me to say more. I refused it.

Kiki nodded slowly with an empathetic smile, "I've heard of the troubles you've found together. It's been difficult, I can tell. But the strongest bonds are made with hardships"

Lexa's spoken to her about me..

I found my heart doing flips inside my chest picturing Lexa confiding in someone about us. Did that mean she saw an us?

I realised I hadn't responded to Kiki yet. I looked back at her and found her grinning at my thoughtfulness.

"We must have the strongest bond there is" I joked smiling slightly to myself.

Kiki chuckled softly.

"I believe you might"

The other girl smiled a second longer and then looked cautiously around us all of a sudden before she stepped closer with a serious expression. I watched her, feeling immediately wary, and let her lean close to whisper in my ear.

"Don't trust the flame keeper" I froze up with her cold warning, "You must watch your back, Wanheda"

I leaned away frowning for her to explain but she didn't answer my silence. Just smiled at me.

"Lexa is in her room" she told me, beaming, "I believe she was on her way to you before Titus intercepted her. You should speak to her before you leave the city"

I nodded over the dizzyingly thoughts surrounding her warning and turned to go.

"Oh, and Clarke?" I stopped and turned back. Kiki was smiling calmly again, "Remind Lexa of the Moon festival for me. I'm certain she's conveniently forgotten about it"

The what now?

"Sure. I guess I'll see you soon"

Kiki gave a curt nod, "Come to me before dawn, Clarke. Otherwise I cannot help you"

I swallowed my scared heartbeat and reached out. Kiki grinned at my hand reaching out to clasp her arm. She swung hers to hold mine but instead of squeezing it she pulled me in close and hugged me. I was so surprised I could only stand there while she carefully embraced me.

"Take care of each other" she whispered in my ear before she let me go.

I didn't know how to answer. So simply said, "May we meet again"

Kiki smiled again and bowed.

"Until we meet again, Wanheda"

Kiki winked and then turned to walk away. Leaving me to ponder everything she'd said the entire walk to Lexa's room. Her caution was what worried me the most. I didn't like her warning to watch Titus. It seemed I wasn't the only one who didn't trust the flame keeper. I wasn't sure whether to try and bring it up with Lexa. It wasn't exactly our biggest concern right now.

I didn't bother knocking when I reached the commander's door. If Lexa had wanted to talk to me before then she'd surely be expecting me. Maybe she'd even sent Kiki to find me and tell me to come. What did worry me, however, was the complete lack of protection Lexa had around herself. There were no guards at her door. None in the corridors leading to it. And I couldn't hear her talking to her bodyguards or Titus inside her room.

Maybe she's not here?, I thought pausing outside, not believing Lexa would leave herself so unguarded right after an assassination attempt.

I looked around the corridor again before I slipped quietly into the commander's room. I wasn't expecting to find Lexa. I believed too much that she was somewhere else and protected.

So it amazed me when I looked forward and found her straight away.

Lexa was sat alone on the floor at the foot of her bed, with hands relaxed on her crossed legs and eyes closed in a concentrating expression. I almost laughed.

You're seriously meditating?

I rolled my eyes to myself looking down at her. Lexa seemed pretty calm considering everything that had happened today. Really I shouldn't have been so surprised. It was typical of Lexa to smile in the face of death.

I closed the door quietly behind myself and walked over to the bed, stopping by Lexa's crossed legs. She didn't seem to notice me. Or she did and was ignoring me anyway. I watched her still calm expression, with annoyed eyes dropping slowly out of their hardness and into more of a fond gaze. I'd never seen Lexa so relaxed. It was relieving to see really.

Focus, I told myself when I found myself wanting to see her look like this more often.

I shook myself and looked down on her seriously.

"Somebody tried to kill you today" I began annoyed that she was still ignoring me.

Lexa began to smile, causing my heart to flip.

"You're angry about the kill order" she stated calmly back.

No, I'm angry somebody tried to kill you.

I bit my lip to hold my true feelings back.

"Yes"

Lexa softly sighed. She opened her eyes and looked up at me. She looked so calm. She looked at me with deep green eyes set warm and soft on my face. Like she was afraid to look at me any other way. I felt my own look back to her relax. Until I was pretty sure I was watching her the same way. Lexa's eyes ran over my face while mine took in the way her features looked gentler in the candlelight. Hers looked like they were trying to scan every inch of me, they even looked watery.

Seconds later Lexa slowly blinked and returned to her usual Heda look.

"How else would you have me enforce a blockade?"

She was looking up at me with an open expression that said she'd had no other option. I understood that. But I couldn't help but still be angry for it. It was my people's lives after all.

I sighed reluctantly knowing how this conversation was going to end. So I didn't even bother arguing it. Just skipped to the end.

"So when do we have to leave?" I asked as she pulled herself to stand in front of me.

Lexa looked back at me blankly. But I'd come to know that look was her secret one for confusion. Which surprised me.

Had she not seen this coming?

"We may be drawing a line..." Lexa turned to me looking shy and hopeful, "But who's to say you can't choose to stay on this side of it?"

She wants me to stay, I realised staring with wide eyes that sought and locked her nervous green ones.

My heart lifted in my chest knowing I was right and a smile slowly climbed over my mouth. A smile she shyly returned until we both heard footsteps loudly approaching the door behind me.

I heard Titus' voice sharply giving an order to somebody to guard the door.

I gave Lexa a brief irritated look.

"I know someone who might" I muttered to her just as Titus let himself into the room.

I saw Lexa's amused smile before I stood back to stand at her side while Titus slowed his approach to her. He glanced between us suspiciously again like he had the last time he'd found me in here without his knowledge. I could see his dark eyes blacken angrily, flashing with his thoughts as he measured the distance between me and Lexa and tried to work out what we'd been discussing. If we'd been talking at all that is.

The flame keeper cast Lexa a short look before he bowed his head to her and then turned to me.

"Wanheda, blockade goes into effect at dawn" He informed me shortly, "I've made arrangements for you to take one of our fastest horses"

Of course you did, I thought, forcing myself to look thankful, I bet you can't wait to get rid of me.

"Thank you" I told him graciously with much more respect than I thought he deserved. I remembered seeing him acting strange before and what Kiki had said. I didn't want to give Titus a reason to throw a knife into my face if I could help it. Not until I was prepared to shoot him back.

I turned to excuse myself so I could go and prepare Octavia and Monroe to leave Polis. Octavia would be happy and eager to leave. But I knew Monroe might fight against my decision. She'd found a home here. I felt terrible ripping her away from it.

As terrible as I did ripping myself away.

"Actually, I've asked Clarke to stay in Polis as my guest"

Both Titus and I turned back to look at the commander. I stared at her in surprise. I'd never thought she'd outright tell him like that. I couldn't help but give her the tiniest of smiles behind Titus' back.

Titus on the other hand didn't look at all happy.

He turned to shortly ask, "Clarke, will you excuse us?"

I looked back at Lexa, who tipped her head to say it'd be okay.

"Sure" I started backing away, with a look for Lexa to ask she be careful around Titus and what she told him. He seemed calm but I felt this bad vibe around him.

I just didn't trust him. Especially not with Lexa.

The guards opened the door for me and I walked through them releasing a heavy breath the moment I was outside. I heard the doors close behind me and turned hearing the flame keeper's voice drifting muffled through the door. The guards watched me suspiciously when I didn't immediately leave. I gave them equally suspicious looks back. They were the same two guards Titus had been speaking with earlier.

What the hell...

"You take orders from Titus?" I looked to the older of the two. He didn't respond, "What did you talk about earlier?"

"I would leave," The guard warned me darkly, "Before Heda notices you eavesdropping"

I ignored him. I wasn't afraid of Lexa like he was. But what he said reminded me of the conversation the commander was currently having with her flame keeper inside the room. I was too curious not to listen. Not that the two grounders were trying to mask their talk. Their voices were easy to hear through the door.

"...Your kill order must be fully enforced" Titus was telling Lexa angrily, "If you care for Clarke, you will send her home. It is the only way that she will be safe"

I looked down through my annoyance at the flame keeper's attempt to use me to emotionally blackmail Lexa. Everybody was saying that I was safer outside of the city. But what made them think they were right?

I'm not safe anywhere, I thought numbly.

"Don't make me warn you again" The guard grunted down at me.

He tilted his body and brought his spear up to nudge me away from the door.

"Shh!" I snapped back at him and leant closer to the door.

He fidgeted not knowing what to do. I ignored him. Titus was speaking again. Quieter this time.

"Don't make her pay for your mistakes, as Costia did" I heard him say.

I stared at the door when Lexa immediately began a low growl of a reply that quickly turned into her yelling back at him.

It made me jump and the two guards either side of me shift uneasily. Lexa sounded absolutely furious, the angriest I had ever heard her. And I didn't blame her. I felt it too. I was shaking and having to bite my tongue to keep from storming into the room myself to shout the flame keeper down too. Especially when Lexa yelled in detail about how Costia had died.

The shock of finally knowing and the raw hurt in Lexa's voice roaring at Titus made my heart flinch. She sounded so hurt the same time she sounded angry. All of a sudden I understood why Lexa was so shut off from her feelings. And it made me even angrier. Because Titus had surely used this against her before. Had manipulated her into believing that having feelings was the cause of her girlfriend's death, like her love was some curse.

Very suddenly I wanted to make Titus hurt like he was hurting Lexa right now.

I felt myself glaring furiously as I forced myself to walk away before I heard Titus say more. I wouldn't stand there and listen to him further torment Lexa with her past just to get her to see reason and do things his way. Not when it wasn't needed. He'd made his point.

"She told you you can stay, didn't she?"

I refused to meet Octavia's eyes when she questioned me the second I'd calmed down enough to enter her room to speak with her about how my talk with Lexa had gone.

"What did you say?" She pushed impatiently.

"Nothing" I mumbled back.

I finally glanced up to find Octavia looking at me like she didn't believe me.

"Clarke, we both know that Pike won't obey the blockade. We need to stop him before more of our people get killed"

I knew she was right but at the same time I didn't want to leave Polis. Not when I didn't know if I would ever come back. Or if I'd ever see Lexa again. One assassination attempt had been made. How many more might happen? And Titus? What if he turned her completely against us while I was gone? What if he continued to hurt her like I'd heard before?

I wanted to stay to protect her. In whatever way I could.

"What if I can do more for them by just staying here?" I tried still refusing to meet Octavia's eyes.

"You can't, Clarke!" She answered angrily, "We don't have time for this! Look. We need you"

I could feel Octavia looking at me hard and could tell that her expression had turned harder seeing me look doubtful.

"The kill order goes into effect at dawn. You have an hour to say your goodbyes. If you're not there, you're not the person I thought you were"

I did look up then. She was glaring at me angry like I'd betrayed her by wanting to stay and help from inside Polis. Probably because she could see straight through me and knew the real reason why I was reluctant to leave. It made me feel guilty. Because she was right. We didn't have time but I was still wasting it trying to hold on to something I knew wasn't possible.

Octavia held my eyes a moment longer before she slung a bag over her shoulder and stormed around me. I didn't know where she was going but I knew better than to go after her to calm her down. She was mad at me and I deserved it.

I sighed frustrated to myself when the door slammed behind her and walked forwards to collapse into a chair by the window. I stared tiredly up at the sky. I knew what I had to do. I just didn't want to do it.

Your people need you, my head shouted sternly.

Lexa needs me!, my heart argued in a fainter voice.

I was struggling. I wanted to do what was right for my people. But selfishly I wanted to do what was right for myself too. Besides, maybe Octavia was wrong. Maybe I could be a better influence from inside Polis. I could talk to Lexa. I could talk to the other clan leaders. Inside Arkadia I was a target. One that would likely be arrested the second I showed up at the gate. Outside I was free, a voice of reason. Here I was an asset.

Right?

I sank back in my chair and groaned up at the ceiling. Why did this have to be so hard?

I thought about my people, about how they did need me. How they may not listen to Kane but they would listen to me. The one who had kept their kids alive. Had lead them through the battle at Mount Weather. Who had gained back their children and kept the supposedly ruthless leader of the enemy an ally to them. To most Kane would always be the councilman who had thrown their kids to the ground. I would always be the one who saved them. I'd be the one they listened to. The only one.

I had to go back.

And I had to tell Lexa.

I exhaled heavily and forced my eyes not to water with the rise in emotion inside of me. Slowly I pulled myself out of my chair and fought off the reluctance of my feet moving across the room. I felt numb as I walked through the tower, up towards Lexa's room. Every step I was taking was heavy and hard. The whole way my heart felt like it was going to burst on my chest. I'd never felt so choiceness before. I'd been held against my will a couple times but it'd never felt like this. Like I couldn't fight this time. The pain was incredible.

I strode up to Lexa's abandoned door and let myself inside. I gazed about the room as I quietly closed the door behind myself and walked forward. Taking in all the trinkets and books and candles that held Lexa's personal touch. I knew I was going to miss this room most of all out of everything else in Polis. I'd miss the soft click the door made behind me. I'd miss sitting on Lexa's couch. I'd miss the soft feel of a page reading her books. And the sweet smell of the candles burning, and their flickering whenever a breeze entered through the window. I'd miss the texture of the furs under my feet walking towards the bed, and all the colors I could see in the detail of the carvings in its frame.

Quiet footsteps rounded the other side of the bed, stopping my nostalgic study. I glanced up and into the eyes of the commander slowing her approach to me. I swallowed against the fresh pain in my heart as my eyes grazed all over her face. Slowly. For the last time.

Lexa's eyes had lost their usual brightness. Her expression was sombre as she looked back at me. She looked exhausted and wrung out.

Her hand slowly left its job of securing her hair over her right shoulder to fall and hang limp at her side. She came closer and the light cast an even sadder glow on her face as she looked me in the eye.

She looked so beautiful. It wasn't fair.

"When do you leave?"

I breathed deep around the hurt that came when she said it so sorrowfully.

I forced my voice steady and held her sad eyes, "Now" I took a step closer when she nodded accepting my answer, "I'm sorry" I husked regrettably.

Lexa gave a slight smile, "Don't be. You have to go back"

I looked away with my wish for things to be different. I didn't want to go back. She had to know that, right?

Tell her now, my heart thumped, begging me to share my feelings for her. But I couldn't.

"They're your people" Lexa was saying in a soft voice, "That's why I-"

I glanced up when she caught herself mid sentence. Lexa was looking at me scared, like she'd almost said something she shouldn't have. I stared back at her. What had she been about to say?

Say it... I begged her keeping myself calm while I waited for her to speak again. Lexa was looking down at me so deeply. My heart started pounding inside me, Say it! Say you feel all this too!

I saw Lexa swallow before she returned to her slight smile.

"That's why you're you" She said calmly.

I felt my pounding heart stop and thud a slower beat. Lexa tried to look still but I could tell she was struggling with this goodbye too. I knew she was trying to hide herself. She couldn't say what she wanted, and neither could I. It wasn't fair.

I saw her look away with pain in her eyes. I couldn't stand it.

I tilted my body a little and leant towards her, "Maybe some day you and I will owe nothing more to our people"

Lexa's eyes flickered all over my face, as if she was memorising every last detail. She knew what I really meant. I could see it in those green eyes blurring back at me.

I saw her chest shake a little and her lips purse before she gave me another slight smile and nodded curtly.

"I hope so" she husked and looked away from me to rapidly blink. And it was so painful. Because now I could see how much this hurt her. Now I could see her struggling to control herself. She wanted me to stay but she wouldn't beg because she was heda first.

Fight it!, my heart pounds, at her and me. It wanted us to forget our people. It wanted us to think about us for once.

I can't, I tell it miserably, We can't.

Lexa looked back at me through the silence with clearer eyes. She raised her hand to me. I looked down at it and gently grasped her forearm. She stared down at me, her thumb brushing along my arm gently in a way that had tingles spreading through my body. Her eyes were clouding over again in sadness. They looked down at me as if she'd never see me again.

My heart shook wondering if she would.

"May we meet again" she whispered sorrowfully and I just couldn't ignore the sudden memory flash I received reminding me of the last time I'd heard her whisper those words. Just as sad. Just as hopeless. It felt like a lifetime ago. I'd been so angry and betrayed hearing her speak the goodbye. And now..

Now they made more sense. Now I understood.

I felt tears fill my eyes but I forced them back. I wouldn't cry.

I nodded wordlessly at Lexa and squeezed her arm. Her smile lifted a little at the corners of her mouth, and her eyes gleamed in proud understanding. In them I saw her accept this. I saw it hurt her. I saw her take it.

And I saw her again thinking when she would see me to say those words again.

My heart started to drum inside my chest thinking it too.

I didn't think as I grasped her arm tighter and pulled her forward to me. I didn't think when I stepped forward and raised my other hand to the back of her head so my fingers could slip between the soft curls of her hair and pull her towards me. For once I didn't think. And it was freeing almost.

Lexa's body moved pliantly in my grasp. I felt the strong heat of her body and smelt the ever intoxicating aroma of her skin. Then I felt the long awaited feel of our lips finally touching again.

She gasped softly when I kissed her. And it sounded so innocent and afraid and relieved and hopeless all at once. Completely and utterly vulnerable. I felt broken hearing it.

I moved into her the moment she let go of my arm so she could cup my face. Her warm hands stopped just short of my jaw, holding it so very gently with just her fingertips, but moved away to palm my neck instead. Like she was scared she might break me. My right hand moved at the same time. It touched on the back of Lexa's hip to drag her closer to me while my lips moved stronger over hers. Lexa returned the kiss gently, almost nervously.

And the whole time I felt like crying.

Ours lips slowed to a brief stop after a short moment. Lexa moved her head back after with tearful green eyes locking mine. Her lip trembled while she breathed quickly. She looked so upset when she stared back at me. Like this parting was crushing her. I watched a single tear roll free of her and it broke me seeing it slip down her cheek.

I leant forward again against her weakly holding me back and I kissed her again, with lips searching to soothe her of this pain we shared. When I tasted the salty tang of the tear catch the corner of my mouth I nearly cried myself.

Lexa kissed me desperately this time, knowing that this was our last chance to show we felt this way. And it was something I miserably re-realised when she moved back a second to nudge our noses together, finally finishing that first kiss she'd started in her war tent months and months ago, before titling her head again and kissing me more.

My heart charged in my chest while my head told me to slow down and think about this. This wasn't the time. I had to leave.

I ignored it. I wanted to be selfish for once. I wanted to put me first. I wanted to put her first. I wanted us both to forget about wars and sides and our people. I wanted to know what it felt like to be us without pressure and burden. Without secrets and walls. When we let ourselves do whatever the hell we wanted.

I just wanted Lexa.

Lexa's lips pressed gentler over my mouth and I felt her shake in my hold while my fingers went for the ties at her neck. I leant forward some more when it felt like she was hesitating, kissing her harder and backing her up a few steps as I pulled the material of her halter shirt free and followed its decent down her body with my hands. My palms pressed over her bare shoulders, sliding the shirt further down her arms exposing more and more of her soft hot skin. My left hand moved to her back while she drew her mouth back just to tilt her head left and kiss me deeper. I exhaled a gasp then, enjoying the way her tongue slid across my bottom lip before she tilted her head away again. My hand clutched at her back when she repeated herself.

Lexa arched up the slightest bit. And her hands pressed the tiniest bit harder on the sides of my neck. Causing a warm shiver to pass down my back in return. Her mouth kept direction of our kiss, keeping it slow so she could savour every last second of it.

She gasped again letting me turn her into a quick walk towards the bed. Her eyes flashed up at me unsure, scared almost, the moment she moved away from me to walk unaided. I followed and stared down at her as she sat down over the furs. Her hands slipped down my arms to hold mine loosely. She squeezed them gently while I strode closer and bent down a fraction toward her.

Lexa's dark and still glittering eyes searched mine deeply. Asking if I was serious. If I was finally ready. Hoping that I was. And telling me I still had that choice to walk away.

I smiled down at her.

I'd never had a choice when it came to Lexa.

Never.

So I leant down with my answer and kissed her tenderly, letting her firmly cup the back of my neck so she could pull me down and fold me up against her chest as she fell back into the furs. She didn't say she was happy for my answer. She didn't need to. It was evident in her lips leaving mine after a short moment to brush down and press into my neck. It was clear in the breathless way she moaned and hid her face into my shoulder with my fingers treading slowly down her naked shoulder to her side. And it was pretty obvious in her hands slipping up beneath my shirt to carefully clutch at the warming skin on my sides.

I smiled into her hair and let myself enjoy her for a moment. Arching and sliding against her body while her kisses pressed hard against my harder heartbeat. She'd never touched me like this before. Always we had distanced ourselves from temptation. Even in our weakest moments. But now her fingers moved with precise intent and I never denied her anything.

"Clarke..." she hummed against my skin in a low whispering timbre that had me shaking above her. She said it like a prayer. Like it was the last thing that could save her.

I looked down at her tilting her head back to look at me. I took in the perfect way she seemed to glow when the beams of sunlight breaking through the wall behind us crept around me to light up her face. And the way her hair had fanned a little around her right shoulder on the furs. Then I took in the smouldering forest of her still watery eyes that every so often leaked another tear down her face.

She gazed back at me in silent wonder. I watched her brow knit in pain. Her hand raised to my face when I moved to lean on my elbow over her. I felt her thumb brush down my cheek. Lexa smiled sadly at the tear she'd caught there before she stretched up to kiss me.

I opened my mouth at the first flick of her tongue on my lip and moaned with her feeling it tentatively move in to touch mine. Lexa kept kissing me, kept moving her tongue with hypnotising slowness into my mouth, not allowing me yet to push and explore her mouth too. And all the while her hands were tugging tightly at the hem of my shirt, pulling it up from my waist. She wanted it off. And I did too.

I leant backwards to sit up over her, and I smiled at her abrupt sit up after me as I gripped the bottom of my top. Lexa's hands brushed over mine. She gently pulled me into another hard kiss while she removed the shirt. I was breathing hard when I leant away and flung it aside. I paused my immediate rush back to her lips when I saw her expression. Lexa was frozen staring at my body like she was in shock.

I looked down at myself not understanding.

I saw her hand rise to touch the puckered pink skin on my left arm. Her fingertips lightly grazed over the ridging of the brand scar. I bit my lip watching her take in what she'd done to me. She looked so guilty.

"Clarke.." she husked thickly looking down with fresh tears sliding down her cheeks.

"Hey.." I tipped her chin up and kissed her, "It's okay" I whispered against her mouth.

Lexa's lips trembled under mine a moment before she leant back with nervous eyes. The fingers on her left hand dug gently into my thigh while she stared up at me. She was still unsure. So I cupped her damp cheek and kissed my permission. But still she hesitated. Changing tactics I snatched away her hand from my arm and pulled it up, sliding it slowly over my shoulder down to my chest so she would take the hint.

Lexa tipped her head away to break our kiss and looked down to her palm slowly moving down my chest. Her fingertips dug a little on the healing cuts on my collarbone, making me gasp and shake. Her eyes filled with shame seeing them. I touched the back of her neck and rubbed my thumb in circles against it to let her know it was okay. Her eyes closed as if in pain and my breath caught seconds later when she bowed forward and pressed her mouth to the wounds.

"I'm sorry" she whispered guilty into my skin as she swapped sides and kissed the other cuts too.

I forgive you, I thought straight back.

My arms moved to encase her against me while her tongue swiped warm and wet over the cut closest to my throat. Her face pressed harder into my front and she moaned softly into my skin feeling my hands pull her shirt up her back, scratching her lightly in the process. Lexa immediately leant away to let me pull it off, leaving her bare before me. Before I could absorb the beautiful sight of her naked torso or even touch it she'd moved her hands to the lower part of my back and snatched my mouth into a heated kiss that distracted me completely, giving her time to carefully lift me from her lap and roll us down into the furs again.

Lexa hovered over me a moment this time, taking me in with a smile before she dipped down.

"Clarke from skaikru" she whispered kissing down my neck.

I gasped back at her feeling her teeth nip my skin. Suddenly I couldn't breathe. She was everywhere. Her hands were pulling my pants off. At the same time her mouth was travelling down my chest and stomach, hip, thigh... Every bit of skin that was open and revealed to her she recovered with her mouth. And it felt so slow and so tender I almost couldn't stand it.

I think I love you!, I think at her, gasping louder as her kisses slowed and concentrated back just below my hips.

I could feel my blood pumping wildly through my veins feeling her mouth inch by inch go lower and lower. And it didn't help my thoughts from screaming louder. I had to bite my lip to keep myself from speaking them aloud. To keep myself from feeling scared. My heart was pounding inside me while I lifted my lower half into Lexa's gentle kisses. It was begging me to just say it already. To tell her. But I didn't. I couldn't.

I kicked off my boots before Lexa got my pants down any further. She briefly stood off the bed to yank them over my feet. I twisted myself against the furs at the same time so I was lying along them properly. Lexa stared down at me and I swear I could feel the path her eyes took raise a fire on my skin. She took a step forward to come back to bed but stopped to raise her hand to her forehead to remove the cog that symbolised her status as Heda. She set it down beside the bed and then looked back down at me with a soft smile.

I smiled back appreciating what it meant and hooked my finger at her. She clambered back on the bed after to lay over my waiting body with an eager grin I couldn't help but kiss. Her body pressed hard into mine the moment my head tilted and my tongue pushed past her lips. Lexa started arching and rubbing down into me. The friction of her pants against my bare skin made me moan breathlessly into her mouth.

"Clarke" she groans feeling my hands move between us to pull her pants down her hips.

She kept one hand braced against the furs by my head while the other moved to assist my desperate removal of her pants. She kissed me fiercely the moment we'd gotten them mostly off and my hands slid back up to palm her ass. I moaned in surprise and then smiled wide when Lexa's body danced against me suddenly. She started gasping when my hands curiously squeezed the warm firm flesh sitting in them.

Lexa groaned then and leant forward, detaching our lips from one another. She nudged her face away when I tried to kiss her again. Her hands held my face still. I leant back against the furs and watched her. Her eyes were closed and she looked like she was thinking hard about something. After a few seconds her neck bent and her face came closer. She kissed my chin and then nudged our noses, exhaling slowly against my lips.

I touched her wrist when she stayed there like it a moment. Lexa responded by pressing her head against mine. She frowned hard to herself. I saw her lick her lips and swallow before looked down at me with lusting dark eyes. I felt my own stare hungrily back at her.

A second of mutual desire and understanding passed between us and then Lexa was letting me grab her to flip us over.

I was still trying to fully process that I had the great commander of the grounders laying naked and bare beneath me. My head was all over the place while my hands and mouth were all over her.

Lexa's skin tasted so soft and so sweet beneath my hungry mouth. I couldn't stop myself from smothering it in hard kisses that raised small red patches on her skin the lower down my mouth went. I kissed across her clavicle. Licked down the middle of her chest. My nose nudged and skimmed back up the curve of her left breast while my left hand moved to cover the other. Lexa was biting down hard on her lip when I glanced up at her. I felt myself smirk before I deliberately dragged my tongue up to just flick her taunt nipple. Her hard gasp and lean back into the bed was exactly what I'd been hoping for.

Lexa began wriggling beneath me while I drew out the attention I was giving her boobs. I couldn't help it. They tasted so good, and felt so perfect in my hands. Like they'd been made especially for them. But even I couldn't deny the insatiable need I felt to really taste her.

I started hurrying down her front again, skipping past my desire to press my hands all over her perfect hard abs to instead press around the tops of her thighs. I gently parted her legs and moved myself down, setting my knees between her warm open thighs. Lexa sat up before I could finish kissing down her stomach. I felt her hand move into my hair to pull my head back and then her mouth taking mine. My hands moved around her back when she cupped my face and hungrily devoured my lips. I felt her heat against my thighs grow hotter when I gripped her hips and pulled her body down so that she was pressed right up against me. A deep starved moan left my throat feeling her slick warm centre slide and push against my leg. Lexa gasped over me. Her hands on me tightened a little too hard but I hardly cared when she started grinding herself down onto my thigh.

"Shit!" I whispered to myself watching her head tip back and her teeth bite her lip. I couldn't stand too long of it. There was a hard ache taking home between my own legs watching Lexa pant and moan. Feeling her soak herself against me made me wet and thirsty.

I pushed my hand through her hair and took a gentle grasp of it. I kissed her hard as I guided her down to her back again. My tongue plunged into her mouth making her moan and then I was moving away to begin an immediate path back down to her hips. My teeth skimmed along the defined V leading below them. I'd planned to draw it out a little longer when her entire body shuddered beneath my hands. But I couldn't fight myself any longer.

I drew my left hand down her inner thigh, and I watched her fingers curl around the furs beneath her back when mine slid across and touched her. I felt my breath catch and my eyes shoot down feeling my fingers move with ease through her slick folds. I watched myself part them, swallowed hard gazing at her soft looking pink flesh.

"Clarke" she whispered pleadingly.

I closed my eyes a moment, soaking in the absolute perfect sensation of it all, before I shifted downwards and replaced my hand with my mouth. I wasn't prepared at all for how perfectly amazing she would taste. The moisture meeting my mouth was sweet and held a slight salty pitch to it and something else that was indescribably all Lexa. The second it hit my tongue I was lapping hungrily for more.

Lexa's hips rolled up and a loud groan left her feeling my lips kiss and suck at her damp folds. I felt her fingers tangle around my hair, her hand pushing my head down against her when my mouth found a new favourite place; her clit.

"This okay?" I asked her between the hard flicks of my tongue at the swollen mound. I tilted my head to look at her face and saw her frantically nodding back at me.

I smiled at her speechlessness and continued massaging her clit with my tongue, switching it up every so often to see what she liked best. For the most part Lexa was happy so long as my mouth stayed right where she needed it. But I noticed she liked it best when I alternated sucking and flicking circularly into her clit while I ran a finger up and down between her folds. She whimpered loudly when I switched my mouth for my fingers to catch my breath. I caught the faintest breath of a whisper above me begging me to carry on. I couldn't deny her so I returned my mouth and ran my finger down to her entrance. I looked up for permission before I slowly dipped the tip into her. Lexa sounded like she was struggling to breathe above me when I pushed further into her. I stopped knuckle deep and concentrated on moving my tongue faster over her clit. I quickly slipped another finger in beside the first when her hips bumped up into my hand and began slowly pumping them in and out.

I heard her gasp sharply in grounder. I had no idea what she said but it turned me on bad. I groaned over her clit, causing her thighs to tremble and close around me when it made my lips vibrate against her sensitive flesh. I gasped out in pain when they pushed on my branded arm. Lexa's hushed apology was lost on me when her fingers clenched tighter in my hair, pulling on it a little. Her hips kept rising and pushing down into my hand. I had to pin them down with my spare arm when her erratic moving kept threatening to dislodge my mouth.

Despite this Lexa's body rolled up with my hard sucking of her clit and I felt a definite flutter press against my fingers inside her. I looked up at her concentrating frown and smirked at the hard way she looked to be trying to stay quiet. But she can't. Not for this. Not for me.

I pressed a last kiss to her throbbing clit and moved upwards so I could catch her whimpering moan against my mouth. Her body smacked up into mine with her surprise and I felt her arms encompass my body to envelope me against her. I felt myself ache harder when she tenderly held me close. And I can't help but growl impatiently for her holding on still.

"Let go" I whispered into her ear before nipping at her neck.

Lexa shook beneath me in response and I looked back in time to see her nervously hesitating. I looked down at her gently. I wanted her to know it was okay. She shouldn't be scared.

Lexa rushed up receiving my tender gaze and grabbed the back of my neck to haul me into her. Between desperately rough kisses she growled a command at me. And I obliged obediently.

"Fuck!" She softly yelped rocking her hips down into my hand with its new speed.

I breathed a short smile before I ducked my head down to kiss at her shoulder. Her fingers squeezed in my hair some more as I did, tightening almost painfully when I rolled my thumb up to rub hard against her clit. Her quick gasps fed my hunger as I worked fast to please her. They made me think more daringly as I waited for her to come. But I stopped myself acting on them. I didn't want to overstep this in the first time.

I bit down into Lexa's shoulder realising this wasn't a first time. But an only time.

"Clarke!" She yelped in my ear.

I licked over the bite and then softly nuzzled the flushed warm flesh above it. Lexa's body arched up off the bed with the soft attention and I smiled hugely at her long moan of my name and the final flow of warmth falling past my fingers suddenly as she gave in to everything. I leant back to watch the ecstasy pass over her face and it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

Her body shook as it descended back into the furs. The aftershocks of her climax rushed pleasantly around my hand. I pumped my fingers again a moment, softly stroking more out of her. Kissing her heaving chest as I did. She moaned again, softer, and I looked back up with the exhausted sound to see her smiling with closed eyes.

My heart throbbed and I heeded its pain quickly.

I moved myself up and kissed her gently, knowing she wouldn't be so responsive right now. Lexa pressed her lips lightly back and moved her hands to hold me flat against her. I shivered into her palm holding my hip down and she smiled into my lips. Lexa breathed deeply through our run of short kisses before eventually knocking her head back to pant gently to herself. I simply smiled and moved my head over and down to lick the sweat from the base of her throat. It's salty flavour on her skin had me aching harder but I ignored my body's hard demand for its own release to see to her.

"You're shaking" I whispered watching her skin tremble beneath my lips.

"It's cold" she answered weakly.

I looked up at her and knew from the glint in her eyes watching me hazily that in no way was she cold right now. Still, I wrapped a hand into the discarded furs beside us and pulled them after me as I moved myself off her. She froze a second and her eyes flicked about my face in question. She calmed when my hand curled her hip to direct her up onto her side. I positioned myself behind her after and tucked the furs over us. Then I wrapped my arm around her middle, pulling her back into my chest.

Lexa seemed pretty content being the smaller spoon. It had me laughing inside my head. I shouldn't have been surprised. Everything else I'd thought about her had been wrong. Why not this too.

"Warm now?" I smirked still amused. I started kissing her shoulder. Lexa shivered back and I laughed, "Guess not"

"Shh" she hushed back weakly.

I lifted myself hearing her tired reply and smiled at her closed eyes and slow breathing. I kissed her shoulder again, leaving her to sleep. It made me incredibly happy and proud to know I had wiped her out like that. Commander stamina be damned. Mentally I gave myself a high five.

I silently studied what little of her was exposed to my greedy eyes as she slept. Her hair. Her closed eyes. The perfect curve of her chin. The still glistening skin on her neck. The tattoos on her arm. I brought a finger up to trace down them, doodling along the black design of the commander's mark. I noticed in my study of it that it had grown since the battle of Mount Weather. Another band had been added. I wondered if it marked her victory in war. Maybe that was how commander replaced kill marks.

My finger drew back up to the top of the tribal ink and I thought what it symbolised if my theory was right. What first battle had won her this tattoo. I wanted to ask. But I knew I didn't have time to hear the story. I would have to wait until we saw each other again.

If we see each other again, I thought miserably to myself.

I closed my eyes to the pain in me. It hurt to know soon this would be a memory. Something to look back on in lonely nights back in my old room in the Ark. Something to think of while our people warred against one another again.

You'll see each other, my heart promised. In my head I was listening to Lexa tell me I had the choice to stay if I wanted.

But I couldn't listen. I couldn't let it persuade me to stay.

We drew the line, I told myself strongly.

Lines were made to be crossed, My heart argued as I looked down on the woman resting against my chest.

Yeah, but this one?, I questioned it as my eyes took in Lexa's sleeping.

Especially this one, It replied beating harder when Lexa sighed softly.

I let out a deep breath and looked to the sun fading in the window. I didn't have long. And it wasn't fair. I drew my finger up and down Lexa's arm, thinking heavily about what I was going to do. Octavia, Monroe and I would cross the boundary segregating Skaikru from the grounders, and then what? Would it be a welcome home or a traitor's death for us all?

I was just hoping I was allowed back to speak with Skaikru before anything was decided. If only to persuade them to spare my friends.

But what if they didn't listen? What if Pike had already put a kill order over my head?

Don't think about it, my heart mumbled, urging me to focus on right now.

I looked down fondly when Lexa shifted in my arms. She smiled in her sleep and breathed gently and contently against me. She looked so peaceful. I'd never seen her so relaxed before. Despite everything that was happening around us.

With a hard jolt I was brought back to my worrying. I couldn't forget the main issue here. Even though I wished I could.

"If Octavia and I are going to make it to the blockade in time then-"

"Shhh" she hushed over me again. Clearly she didn't want to ruin whatever thing she was dreaming about.

I smiled at her being carefree for once. It amused me to see her so relaxed. So I left her to her sleep and looked down at her back again. I settled back behind her and ran my finger lightly over the tattoo there, following its intricate lines down her spine towards the spheres dotting her back. My fingers moved through it slowly, counting the circles. It looked so delicate. I could only imagine the pain she'd endured having it hammered into her skin.

"This is beautiful" I said aloud without thinking. Lexa's skin shook beneath my touch.

"I got it on my ascension day" she shared in a husky tired voice, "A circle for every nightblood that died when the Commander chose me"

I stared at the design again. I never would have thought it was meant to honour the kids she'd killed to become commander. I felt my heart bump for her. Clearly she'd felt something over killing to lead. Maybe young Lexa hadn't wanted to harm her friends. I touched the smallest circle and envisioned her cutting down a young girl or boy in the conclave. It made me shiver thinking about it.

"Seven circles..." I mumbled counting them with my finger. I frowned down at them, "I thought you said there were nine noviciates at your conclave?"

"There were" she mumbled quietly back.

"What happened to number eight?" I asked touching the clean skin beside the last circle.

Lexa was quiet. I could feel the change in her breathing. I remembered how she'd reacted in her people's temple when I'd questioned her about it all. She'd shut down then too. Whatever happened to the last nightblood at her conclave couldn't have been good.

I braced myself when she slowly rolled to her to be on her back beside me. She looked up at me with soft sad eyes.

"Can we talk about something else?" She whispered to me.

I looked down at her, at the pain in her eyes for my questioning her. I felt bad. I wanted to take her mind off it.

We have time, I thought to myself watching the low sunlight dance over her features.

"We don't have to talk at all" I husked back, slowly smiling at her, waiting for her to understand what I was saying. It didn't take long.

Lexa looked back at me, equally confused and hopeful, and then she started grinning. Her body tilted toward me the next second. She quickly leant up and kissed me, with lips pushing gentle nudges against my smile for me to lay down. I took the request and eased myself back into the furs while she leant herself over me, kissing me tenderly.

My heart was riding waves inside my chest. It pumped excitedly as Lexa moved her body against mine. Her knee pushed mine apart before she slid down to lay between them. I breathed slow feeling her hot centre briefly rub past mine. My hands gripped the back of Lexa's neck and her hip beneath the furs, encouraging her to do whatever she wanted. I was eager for her to lead this time. I was too curious to know what kind of lover she was when she had complete control. Was she as wild as I'd always imagined, or was the commander of the grounders softer between the sheets?

I pulled my other hand from her hip and up to her neck. And with fingers threading through her hair I dragged her down to me to find out.