Epilogue

The Destination Beyond Grief

They met early in the morning on Wednesday. Roy and Edward arrived first at the designated meeting place. It was cold and quiet as they waited. In that early morning, the birds hadn't even begun to chirp yet. The minutes of waiting seemed prolonged as Ed started nervously pacing. Mustang didn't bother to tell him to calm down, figuring he needed to work out his nervous energy somehow.

As soon as Hughes and Alphonse were within sight, Al ran towards Ed as if he hadn't seen him in months. The Colonel worried that Edward was going to be crushed by the oncoming suit of armor, but once the two of them were within a foot of each other, Al set both his arms around his brother with a gentleness that didn't match the intimidating form. Ed barely had time to react to the hug before Alphonse was holding him at arm's length and talking a mile a minute. He asked Ed how he was doing and he asked if he was feeling better and he started talking about staying with the Hughes family and playing with Elicia and Brother, you look pale, have you been sleeping better? Have you been eating? And it went on and on, until Edward finally pushed Al's hands from his shoulders and tapped the younger boy in his metal chest with a loose fist.

"I'm fine, I'm fine. Geez, Al."

"Sorry, I was just so worried and… and…"

"I missed you too, alright? You didn't need to worry so much. Staying with the Colonel wasn't that awful."

Roy turned from where he had been studying the grass, feeling like an outsider to the Elric brother reunion.

"Thanks, Fullmetal."

Al stood up fully quickly, as if just realizing that Mustang was there. He then bowed and Roy looked uncomfortable over the display.

"Thank you, Colonel. I'm sorry if brother caused you any trouble."

"It wasn't trouble having him there. It's not like he takes up a lot of space."

"Hey!" Ed cried in protest, but he gave the Colonel a grateful look. He didn't want Al knowing any details.

While the brothers continued talking, Maes shuffled over to stand by Roy. Hughes was looking less than enthusiastic at the early meeting. He understood them wanting to be together as early as possible, because he and Roy both had to work today and Ed was going to spend the day alone with Al, but Maes wasn't happy at the meeting place.

The graveyard gates were ominous and contradicted the happy reunion that had just taken place.

"Why are we here?" Hughes near whispered to Roy.

"Fullmetal's idea," Mustang said curtly. He hadn't been too happy about the meeting spot either. He was even more unhappy to be standing there holding a bouquet of flowers that Edward had insisted on them buying the previous evening. Honestly, the sun was barely up and Roy would have preferred to sleep in before his first day back at work after his "sick" leave. But Ed had asked and nearly pleaded with him over it. So this seemed like another step the boy needed to take.

"How are you feeling?" Maes was studying the Colonel, noticing he already looked too worn out for just beginning the day.

"Better. Tired. You owe me coffee."

"I'll bring some to your office later."

"Bring a lot of it to my office later." Roy involuntarily grimaced at a stabbing pain in his skull.

"Headache?"

"No," Roy lied quickly.

"Roy…" Hughes started.

"Just bring the coffee, Hughes. Then you can berate me more about my health."

Maes was cut off from saying anything else as Edward approached them and took the bouquet of flowers from Roy's arms. Mustang looked relieved to be rid of them finally.

"Ready, Al?" Edward asked.

"I'm ready, brother." Al said quietly. Edward turned back to the Colonel and he just stared at him for a moment.

"Can you both wait here?" Ed finally asked. Mustang didn't seem surprised by the request, but it still made him feel uneasy.

"Yes, but if you take too long, I'm going in there after you," Roy stated firmly.

Ed nodded and gave a forced smile. "You worry too much."

Roy felt his stomach clench at the truth of those words. Though, honestly, as far as Edward was concerned, he felt like he could never worry enough.

They walked silently along little paths among the tombstones. Mustang had told Ed the exact location of each stone and Edward had memorized the directions by heart. When they arrived at the first marker, Edward swallowed hard and read the name carefully. Jay Kroger. He had been 11 years old. His family was poor and the stone was small and simple. Ed slid a single rose out from the bouquet and placed it on the ground. He breathed out heavily. He hadn't known anything about this boy, but judging by the way Hughes had looked at him when he asked about it, Ed had the dark suspicion that they looked alike. They were probably about the same height… both with golden hair… maybe that's why Pace had killed him… Edward shook his head at the thought. It's not my fault. Hughes says so. Hughes and Colonel both say so. Ed stood up. When had he knelt down on the damp grass? It must have been his leg, giving out on him without him even realizing it now.

"Brother…" Al started, but Edward was already walking away quickly. Al took long strides to catch up. "Ed, if this is too hard-"

"Sorry you had to come," Edward interrupted. "I know you don't like graveyards."

"I was happy to come, brother." Alphonse hastily said. Of course he didn't like graveyards, honestly, who does? But this went beyond any feeling of general sadness at a cemetery or any childish fear of ghosts. This was a very raw sort of pain and Al could sense it coming off of Edward in waves.

They moved past other stones until Edward found the next one on his memorized list. Claudine Oda. Ed had seen her picture on Mustang's office floor all those months ago… that had been a turning point for him. That's when this whole hellish nightmare had started.

Ed placed a flower there on the ground and quickly moved on. He had begun to feel a sense of panic bubble up and he thought it would be bad for him to linger there. However, he was determined to get through this and finish what he had started.

He found the other stones quickly, reading their names and realizing how young they all were…Rupert Perce, Oliver Alwin, Tobias Winthrop and Lillias Blythe. They ranged in age from six to ten and Ed thought he might be sick while he stood by the Blythe girl's headstone. He gently placed a flower there and straightened up hastily. His head seemed to swim and before he realized it, he was stumbling into Alphonse. Al caught hold of his arm to steady him.

"Brother…do you want to go back?" Alphonse asked in a hesitant voice. Ed pushed his brother's hand away and shook his head.

"I'm fine. We're almost there."

A few more paces and then down a narrow path, Edward found the blank headstone. He took what was left of the bouquet and placed it on the ground. He then backed up quickly, knowing that if he knelt there, his leg would really give out and he would not find the strength to stand again on his own. Milly Adalbert. She had been four years old.

They stood there for a long time in silence. Al wanted to say something, but Edward seemed to be processing, working his mind through deep and darker thoughts. Alphonse thought of nights watching Edward have nightmares and of trying to comfort him. Trying to find the thing to say that would make it better. But he could never find the right words and he had watched as his older brother had begun to slip away. A part of him thought that Edward was sick, that Ed was dying and he had been so terrified by that. He just wanted his brother to heal, so he would do whatever Ed needed him to do. He would stand by this grave for hours, if that's what Edward wanted to do, if that's what would help him find peace again… Though he was sure the Colonel would come to find them before too long.

"I didn't even actually know them." Ed started and his voice sounded strained, as if he was holding back furious tears. "Feels like I did though… Hurts like I did." Ed choked on the end of his sentence. He brought his hand up and pressed it hard into the bridge of his nose. He blinked rapidly and wiped the back of his hand across his eyes. He then straightened up and cleared his throat.

"I don't know what to say." Edward looked up at the sky. "Should I say something?"

"Only if you want to, brother," Al supplied, though he wasn't sure if Ed was really addressing him specifically.

"There's nothing that I can say… There's nothing I can say that will be… enough." Ed took a step forward and gave the stone a tap with his hand. "I'm sorry," he murmured. And there were so many more apologies that Ed wanted to say, but he felt them die on his lips. "I won't forget you." He wouldn't forget about any of them; they were burned into his mind and this one little girl was carved deep into his heart.

"Let's go." Edward knew that if he didn't get away now he would never be able to willingly leave her alone there with her blank stone. The thought of her being alone in this place, pulled at him and he could feel himself shutting down. No, no, he was doing well, he needed to stay in the present. He couldn't fall apart now.

Edward looked up when he realized Al wasn't beside him and he felt a grip of panic before turning to see his younger brother still at the graveside. He was about to call for him and he didn't care that he might sound borderline hysterical, but then Alphonse leaned over the stone as if he was going to share a secret with it.

"Be at peace." Alphonse studied the headstone carefully, but then he turned and stared at Ed for a long moment.

Ed found himself nodding, worrying that if he dares to speak he will begin to cry, and he is so tired of crying. He is so tired.

They walked back toward the graveyard entrance silently to find Hughes and Mustang standing at the beginning of the path, arguing. The Colonel was getting ready to go find the Elric brothers, but Hughes was arguing to give them just a few more minutes.

Maes was first to see the boys approaching and he waved. Roy then turned his head and visibly relaxed to see them both. His expression changed when he caught Edward's eye and gave him a nod, that's when Ed felt the dampness on his cheek and realized that he had started crying after all. Edward quickly wiped it away and strived forward. He was at the Colonel's side before he realized it and was leaning his face into Roy's chest. Mustang put one arm around his shoulders and began squeezing him hard. Hughes then wrapped his arms around both of them and then he made a grab for Al's arm, trying his best to turn it into a group hug. Roy let out a protest of indignation at being smashed in the middle of the embrace… and Ed laughed.

And it's been so long since he actually, truly laughed that the action feels strange. Hughes is then placing a hand on the side of Edward's head and, for a moment, Ed leans into the warmth.

He's never felt safer.

165 hours and counting….

THE END

A/N: How this ended up longer than Foul Depths I will never know. This was supposed to be a 3 chapter story. Ha. This epilogue got away from me too. It was supposed to be really short, but Edward had some more to say and feel and do. I think I worked through a lot of my own grief with this as well. My emotions are everywhere… I'm relieved to be done, but I'm a little sad to have come to the conclusion of this.

Until next time! Where we will have Ed getting hurt some more and Roy being super worried. Oh man, I have some things planned. I'm going to try and write most of it before I post, so I might be quiet for a little while, but don't worry, I'll be back. Please leave a review with your thoughts!

Also, I promised a Tai centered Digimon fic a few years ago and I know of at least two people who would like to see that, so I am going to try my very best.

THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR READING! The reviews have kept me going! I love and appreciate all of you! Thank you!

UPDATE: Some readers are still putting this story on alert! While I appreciate that, you should know that anything I add to this series will get its own story and won't be added as more chapters here. Ok, Thanks!

UPDATE 2.0: I went back and fixed some tense things that I had left because my brain couldn't handle editing this story anymore. My brain has recovered and I was finally able to go back and correct some stuff.

Always for Alex. Until we meet again on the other side of the gate.