Part VI - Decisions
I went off on my own, through the dark night. The night blew cool winds that gave me chills, leaving me refreshed but cold. I was hoping Inuyasha wouldn't follow, and luckily he didn't. I needed some time alone. Some time to think. Some time to relax my nerves. Since lately has been stressful. I continued walking further through the woods, unworried of getting hurt by any demon roaming it. I could care less now. I held myself with my arms rapped around me. It was a beautiful night. Though, I still ruined its beauty with my drama.
I finally reached the well sat down on the edge. I flopped my legs down inside the well to let them hang freely. My mind went blank for a while. And then I thought, tonight has been one regret. I wished I hadn't said anything to him. I wished I didn't attempt to kill myself. All this just made things more complicated than it already is. The tears started to come again. I hated it when I have to cry. I hated feeling so weak.
Why is it that I have to become miserable?! What have I done to deserve any of this!? I've lost so much! I've lost my family, my friends! I've lost...Inuyasha...I'm so alone. I sobbed and sobbed, trying to let go of my anger. I wanted to tear my heart out...because it hurt so much...
I opened my eyes while I still cried a river. Maybe...maybe this is all a test. To see how long I can go on my own. But still, I feel weak. What if I can't do this by myself? I looked up in the sky. It's...beautiful.
***
I reached the door of the cabin, afraid to open it and find him not there. I took over my fear and did so. I saw him there, still at the same spot and probably still in deep thought. I was hesitant before stepping in.
"Inuyasha...I'm sorry I charged at you like that. It wasn't right of me to just yell at you and I should have told you from the beginning why I decided to stay. I apologize. But I've been thinking. I've decided to go back to my world. I can't stay here. I don't belong here. So...I think should be going."
From Inuyasha's reaction and facial expression, I'd say he wasn't listening at all. He sat there, with his arms crossed, eyes closed as if he was meditating. This pretty much angered me to the core. Because here I am, trying to say farewell and he's just sitting there like a jackass! So I stomped my way to my luggage, forced the rest of my stuff inside it and pulled it along behind me.
"Good bye!" I said angrily.
***
Inuyasha grabbed Kagome's wrist and tugged gently to get her attention.
"You're not going anywhere."
"What? Yes I am! I'm going home!" Kagome gave him a confused look and tried to walk away. As she was opening the door, Inuyasha leaned against it, forcing it to close.
"You can't leave."
"And why exactly not??" She seemed very pissed at this point. Why is he going to just order her and not allow her as if he was her father?
"Because I want you to keep me company. It gets lonely here you know. And don't forget, I own you now." He simply grinned.
"What?"
"Don't forget. I saved you so many times before. And it's only fair that I get to keep you."
He certainly had a point. She was always put into danger and he was always there to save her. Even if she said many thanks, to him it wasn't enough. Though he did tell her once that she was in life dept.
"Are you insane? You can't just decide to keep somebody just because you saved them many times!" Kagome was getting frustrated by the situation. This isn't the time to claim someone especially when she recently lost her family. "I'm leaving. No matter what you say or do, I'm still leaving." She continued walking to the door but something stopped her.
Inuyasha embraced her within his arms, holding her tight enough. Kagome's eyes grew wide with surprise. Her heart jumped.
***
What is he doing???
I could feel my heart racing inside its cage. And I suddenly couldn't breathe. I'm wondering why he's holding me for these long seconds and why I'm feeling all warm inside. I could feel him breathing on my neck, lips touching my flesh. I wished this moment wouldn't end.
"I love you."
Within that moment, I gasped, dropping the handle of my luggage. I didn't know what to say or do. I simply froze and couldn't move at all. This had to be a dream! It's way to good to be true. It has to be. I shook my head and undid his tied arms around my waist. I need to get out of here. Before I start believe his words are actually true. I crouched to pick up my luggage only to find him crouching with me, holding the hand that was being occupied.
"Kagome. Please believe me when I say this. I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true!"
"This is all a trick! You just don't want to be alone. It's always you. You and your selfish reasons! Well, it's great that you've found my strongest weakness." My hands started to shake and my legs began to go weak. "This isn't gonna work with me. You're too late now." My voice faded with those last words. And I hoped it would sink into him mind. Unfortunately it didn't.
With a strong pull, I found myself against him, face to face. We were so close to each other that it felt kind of awkward. I looked into his beautiful golden eyes, while he looked into mine. And before I can wonder why we were this close, I fell into a deep kiss.
***
Kagome's body froze within that second. Eyes so still, she closed them and gave into his kiss. He held her close and tight against his lean body, not wanting to let go. He could remember his last kiss he shared with Kikyo. Amazing yet subtle. But this one was a lot different. Thinking that Kagome is Kikyo's incarnation you'd expect it would feel the same in a way. But it didn't. This was filled with passion and love. And they both realized so.
It most have lasted a minute or two, even if it felt like hours has passed. Kagome realized what she was doing. Giving into her weakness and letting him win. She opened her eyes only to see his closed ones. She was confused. Deep inside she wanted it so bad. But then she couldn't just let him have his way. He won her heart too many times now, and it just won't be fair. Because she never won his back. She took the strength to let go, though it wasn't so easy. But when she did, Kagome had to push him away before falling into another steamy kiss. She then began to tear up again.
***
"Just stop it already, Inuyasha! I can't do this...I just can't. I've already made my decision." I looked at him for the last time, with my sorrowful eyes, and said "I'm sorry but...good-bye"
I was proud to see myself walking away from this. Though I am certain that I'm still deeply in love with him. I walked and walked until I could feel the distance growing between us. He stayed still and didn't follow me. Maybe he finally understood me when I said good-bye. That whatever he does, it wouldn't work. While I took small steps back to the well, I though about all those adventures we've all went through. I thought about the times when I enjoyed being with them, the times when I'd be scared, the time when...he made me cry. I wondered if he was even worth the tears shedding for. I mean he did pick Kikyo over me. Was...was Kikyo better than me? Was she prettier or sexier? What was it about her that made Inuyasha beg for her? Then...maybe I shouldn't answer these questions. It has been said and done. I'm heading home.
I....I miss my family so much. When I need them the most, they're not there...
I would do anything for their support right about now.
I tired my hardest to fight those tears. I was so tired of crying. I must promise myself not to cry ever again. For whatever reason, I won't show my weakness. Not ever. I promise.
***
Kagome began to walk again, still taking very small steps. A lot of things were still in her mind. Her family, her school, her future, and maybe even Inuyasha. It was him who hurt her the most. Yeah, the death of her family had inflicted her more than anything, but it has already been done and she wouldn't be able to do anything about it. But with Inuyasha she still had many choices. She stopped again. The thought of Inuyasha bothered her. She thought, 'should I turn back?...No..'
Kagome sighed, still unsure of what to do. Part of her wants to go back. The other says it's for the best. All the voices, all the captured pictures in her mind. She just wanted to bow her head off.
She took deep breaths and reminded herself that she already made her decision. The only thing that was bothering her about it was...was she really going to be happy with its result.
***
Inuyasha sat alone in his small hut, thinking hard about this weeks happenings. Was this really happening? Or is it all just a bad dream? It doesn't seem believable when she says her family was murdered. She was a good and warm hearted person who put others first and herself last. And how ironic is it that something tragic would happen to her? Why must she lose something or someone so dear?
To him, he can actually relate. How hard it is to lose something so dear. How painful it is inside.
And then he thought... 'I'm losing something dear once again'.
He couldn't let that happen. She came here to live, she wanted to stay with him, and he blew it.
He knows this cannot happen. Because if it does, he can never get her back. And still, she can't go back. The murderer is still out there. He could still be after Kagome, waiting in bushes for her arrival. Ha! This time he has two reasons for her to stay. And he can use it against her.
Though, this was no time to celebrate his coming victory. He had to get her back.
***
It was chilly night and I barely wore anything to cover myself completely. A long sleeve wasn't enough especially when you're wearing a skirt. But at least the cold kept me occupied from thinking about everything that happened. I looked around for the last time. While the trees danced and the winds sang, I said my quiet good-byes. Too bad the moon and stars weren't out.
Ah, the stars. They comforted me when I'd sleep outside with my sleeping bag. And next to me would be Mr. Willows, the teddy bear my mother had made me when I was younger. As childish as it may sound, Mr. Wiggles and I would watch them together. It was....the only thing that would remind me of mom.
I miss them....
While reaching into my quite large hand bag for Mr. Wiggles, I've noticed he wasn't there. I was sort of disappointed that I must face him again. I guess, because it would hurt more if I did. But I can't leave Wiggles behind. He's all I got left. I dropped my stuff right by the well, hoping it would still be there when I come back, and ran for the cabin so that I wouldn't waste time.
It took me more than a few breaths and took me less than 10 minutes to reach the cabin. And then it began to rain. I complained and cursed at the weather. I'm beginning to think this really isn't my day.
I stepped my damp self inside the warm and cozey place. And the first thing that came to my mind was....
"Where's Inuyasha?" the disappointment of facing him left while the disappointment of him not being present began to sink in my chest. I immediately found Mr. Wiggles on the floor near my bedding and picked him up. I could feel a warm tear finding its way down to the corner of my cheek. Was I this disappointed?
I spotted the door I came in from and thought it's time for me to leave, permanently. On my way out, I embraced Mr. Wiggles, finding the comfort I needed from this very part of my life. And then...when stepping out, I saw a figure, standing in the rain....with....with...my stuff!! I wiped my tear in a hurry and ran out to scold the person with my things. And when I got closer...the figure began to look familiar. It was Inuyasha.
A/N: I know I promised to write a lemon on the next chapter but this is already getting long. I figured that with the additional sappy/angst stuff, it maybe better to put all the romance with one chapter. Thus, leaving you in suspense once again...HEHEHE. It's an evil thing to do but please don't let one chapter with no lemon discourage you from reading the rest. I WILL TRY TO WRITE THE NEXT CHAPTER AS SOON AS I CAN SO KEEP CHECKING!!
I went off on my own, through the dark night. The night blew cool winds that gave me chills, leaving me refreshed but cold. I was hoping Inuyasha wouldn't follow, and luckily he didn't. I needed some time alone. Some time to think. Some time to relax my nerves. Since lately has been stressful. I continued walking further through the woods, unworried of getting hurt by any demon roaming it. I could care less now. I held myself with my arms rapped around me. It was a beautiful night. Though, I still ruined its beauty with my drama.
I finally reached the well sat down on the edge. I flopped my legs down inside the well to let them hang freely. My mind went blank for a while. And then I thought, tonight has been one regret. I wished I hadn't said anything to him. I wished I didn't attempt to kill myself. All this just made things more complicated than it already is. The tears started to come again. I hated it when I have to cry. I hated feeling so weak.
Why is it that I have to become miserable?! What have I done to deserve any of this!? I've lost so much! I've lost my family, my friends! I've lost...Inuyasha...I'm so alone. I sobbed and sobbed, trying to let go of my anger. I wanted to tear my heart out...because it hurt so much...
I opened my eyes while I still cried a river. Maybe...maybe this is all a test. To see how long I can go on my own. But still, I feel weak. What if I can't do this by myself? I looked up in the sky. It's...beautiful.
***
I reached the door of the cabin, afraid to open it and find him not there. I took over my fear and did so. I saw him there, still at the same spot and probably still in deep thought. I was hesitant before stepping in.
"Inuyasha...I'm sorry I charged at you like that. It wasn't right of me to just yell at you and I should have told you from the beginning why I decided to stay. I apologize. But I've been thinking. I've decided to go back to my world. I can't stay here. I don't belong here. So...I think should be going."
From Inuyasha's reaction and facial expression, I'd say he wasn't listening at all. He sat there, with his arms crossed, eyes closed as if he was meditating. This pretty much angered me to the core. Because here I am, trying to say farewell and he's just sitting there like a jackass! So I stomped my way to my luggage, forced the rest of my stuff inside it and pulled it along behind me.
"Good bye!" I said angrily.
***
Inuyasha grabbed Kagome's wrist and tugged gently to get her attention.
"You're not going anywhere."
"What? Yes I am! I'm going home!" Kagome gave him a confused look and tried to walk away. As she was opening the door, Inuyasha leaned against it, forcing it to close.
"You can't leave."
"And why exactly not??" She seemed very pissed at this point. Why is he going to just order her and not allow her as if he was her father?
"Because I want you to keep me company. It gets lonely here you know. And don't forget, I own you now." He simply grinned.
"What?"
"Don't forget. I saved you so many times before. And it's only fair that I get to keep you."
He certainly had a point. She was always put into danger and he was always there to save her. Even if she said many thanks, to him it wasn't enough. Though he did tell her once that she was in life dept.
"Are you insane? You can't just decide to keep somebody just because you saved them many times!" Kagome was getting frustrated by the situation. This isn't the time to claim someone especially when she recently lost her family. "I'm leaving. No matter what you say or do, I'm still leaving." She continued walking to the door but something stopped her.
Inuyasha embraced her within his arms, holding her tight enough. Kagome's eyes grew wide with surprise. Her heart jumped.
***
What is he doing???
I could feel my heart racing inside its cage. And I suddenly couldn't breathe. I'm wondering why he's holding me for these long seconds and why I'm feeling all warm inside. I could feel him breathing on my neck, lips touching my flesh. I wished this moment wouldn't end.
"I love you."
Within that moment, I gasped, dropping the handle of my luggage. I didn't know what to say or do. I simply froze and couldn't move at all. This had to be a dream! It's way to good to be true. It has to be. I shook my head and undid his tied arms around my waist. I need to get out of here. Before I start believe his words are actually true. I crouched to pick up my luggage only to find him crouching with me, holding the hand that was being occupied.
"Kagome. Please believe me when I say this. I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true!"
"This is all a trick! You just don't want to be alone. It's always you. You and your selfish reasons! Well, it's great that you've found my strongest weakness." My hands started to shake and my legs began to go weak. "This isn't gonna work with me. You're too late now." My voice faded with those last words. And I hoped it would sink into him mind. Unfortunately it didn't.
With a strong pull, I found myself against him, face to face. We were so close to each other that it felt kind of awkward. I looked into his beautiful golden eyes, while he looked into mine. And before I can wonder why we were this close, I fell into a deep kiss.
***
Kagome's body froze within that second. Eyes so still, she closed them and gave into his kiss. He held her close and tight against his lean body, not wanting to let go. He could remember his last kiss he shared with Kikyo. Amazing yet subtle. But this one was a lot different. Thinking that Kagome is Kikyo's incarnation you'd expect it would feel the same in a way. But it didn't. This was filled with passion and love. And they both realized so.
It most have lasted a minute or two, even if it felt like hours has passed. Kagome realized what she was doing. Giving into her weakness and letting him win. She opened her eyes only to see his closed ones. She was confused. Deep inside she wanted it so bad. But then she couldn't just let him have his way. He won her heart too many times now, and it just won't be fair. Because she never won his back. She took the strength to let go, though it wasn't so easy. But when she did, Kagome had to push him away before falling into another steamy kiss. She then began to tear up again.
***
"Just stop it already, Inuyasha! I can't do this...I just can't. I've already made my decision." I looked at him for the last time, with my sorrowful eyes, and said "I'm sorry but...good-bye"
I was proud to see myself walking away from this. Though I am certain that I'm still deeply in love with him. I walked and walked until I could feel the distance growing between us. He stayed still and didn't follow me. Maybe he finally understood me when I said good-bye. That whatever he does, it wouldn't work. While I took small steps back to the well, I though about all those adventures we've all went through. I thought about the times when I enjoyed being with them, the times when I'd be scared, the time when...he made me cry. I wondered if he was even worth the tears shedding for. I mean he did pick Kikyo over me. Was...was Kikyo better than me? Was she prettier or sexier? What was it about her that made Inuyasha beg for her? Then...maybe I shouldn't answer these questions. It has been said and done. I'm heading home.
I....I miss my family so much. When I need them the most, they're not there...
I would do anything for their support right about now.
I tired my hardest to fight those tears. I was so tired of crying. I must promise myself not to cry ever again. For whatever reason, I won't show my weakness. Not ever. I promise.
***
Kagome began to walk again, still taking very small steps. A lot of things were still in her mind. Her family, her school, her future, and maybe even Inuyasha. It was him who hurt her the most. Yeah, the death of her family had inflicted her more than anything, but it has already been done and she wouldn't be able to do anything about it. But with Inuyasha she still had many choices. She stopped again. The thought of Inuyasha bothered her. She thought, 'should I turn back?...No..'
Kagome sighed, still unsure of what to do. Part of her wants to go back. The other says it's for the best. All the voices, all the captured pictures in her mind. She just wanted to bow her head off.
She took deep breaths and reminded herself that she already made her decision. The only thing that was bothering her about it was...was she really going to be happy with its result.
***
Inuyasha sat alone in his small hut, thinking hard about this weeks happenings. Was this really happening? Or is it all just a bad dream? It doesn't seem believable when she says her family was murdered. She was a good and warm hearted person who put others first and herself last. And how ironic is it that something tragic would happen to her? Why must she lose something or someone so dear?
To him, he can actually relate. How hard it is to lose something so dear. How painful it is inside.
And then he thought... 'I'm losing something dear once again'.
He couldn't let that happen. She came here to live, she wanted to stay with him, and he blew it.
He knows this cannot happen. Because if it does, he can never get her back. And still, she can't go back. The murderer is still out there. He could still be after Kagome, waiting in bushes for her arrival. Ha! This time he has two reasons for her to stay. And he can use it against her.
Though, this was no time to celebrate his coming victory. He had to get her back.
***
It was chilly night and I barely wore anything to cover myself completely. A long sleeve wasn't enough especially when you're wearing a skirt. But at least the cold kept me occupied from thinking about everything that happened. I looked around for the last time. While the trees danced and the winds sang, I said my quiet good-byes. Too bad the moon and stars weren't out.
Ah, the stars. They comforted me when I'd sleep outside with my sleeping bag. And next to me would be Mr. Willows, the teddy bear my mother had made me when I was younger. As childish as it may sound, Mr. Wiggles and I would watch them together. It was....the only thing that would remind me of mom.
I miss them....
While reaching into my quite large hand bag for Mr. Wiggles, I've noticed he wasn't there. I was sort of disappointed that I must face him again. I guess, because it would hurt more if I did. But I can't leave Wiggles behind. He's all I got left. I dropped my stuff right by the well, hoping it would still be there when I come back, and ran for the cabin so that I wouldn't waste time.
It took me more than a few breaths and took me less than 10 minutes to reach the cabin. And then it began to rain. I complained and cursed at the weather. I'm beginning to think this really isn't my day.
I stepped my damp self inside the warm and cozey place. And the first thing that came to my mind was....
"Where's Inuyasha?" the disappointment of facing him left while the disappointment of him not being present began to sink in my chest. I immediately found Mr. Wiggles on the floor near my bedding and picked him up. I could feel a warm tear finding its way down to the corner of my cheek. Was I this disappointed?
I spotted the door I came in from and thought it's time for me to leave, permanently. On my way out, I embraced Mr. Wiggles, finding the comfort I needed from this very part of my life. And then...when stepping out, I saw a figure, standing in the rain....with....with...my stuff!! I wiped my tear in a hurry and ran out to scold the person with my things. And when I got closer...the figure began to look familiar. It was Inuyasha.
A/N: I know I promised to write a lemon on the next chapter but this is already getting long. I figured that with the additional sappy/angst stuff, it maybe better to put all the romance with one chapter. Thus, leaving you in suspense once again...HEHEHE. It's an evil thing to do but please don't let one chapter with no lemon discourage you from reading the rest. I WILL TRY TO WRITE THE NEXT CHAPTER AS SOON AS I CAN SO KEEP CHECKING!!