Every few days, Natsu will look at himself in a mirror and think about the past, the present and what could be the future. He will pull his hair up and pretend, he will try on flowy tunics to remember, he will make crowns out of flowers for his hair. Happy likes to braid his hair into dozen of little braids with small golden trinkets, and Natsu lets him, because they are family.

Other times, Natsu just looks at his naked body and thinks. He is petite and light, with colours that don't match that of Ishgarian citizens, with a figure that is not in any way similar to any Ishgarian woman he has ever met. He does not like his birth-body, capable of feeding children, of bearing children, but at times he realizes that it might be a hint to where he came from, where he is supposed to go.

His travels with Happy and the others never take him out of Ishgar and he has never had the chance to meet anyone from Alakitasia or any native from Tenroujima. Upon meeting Mavis, he thinks about it -what if his parents were originally from there?-, but then realizes he would have had to be ancient to have been born in Tenroujima, and he is not ancient. Maybe he was born from an Ishgarian woman, but all those he has met are excessively curvy (Lucy, Erza) and from what Lisanna always said, that was a characteristic of Ishgarian women.

Natsu is not. He is plain, with little curves and freckles and a skin that tans pretty damn nice (if he so says himself). Definitely nothing like Erza, or Mirajane, or Lucy, though Lucy…

The first time Natsu met Lucy, he dreamed. He dreamed of a woman with golden hair smiling, he dreamed of a great lion carrying him away (leoleoleo), of a man with black hair holding him up to a Dragon (Igneel) and teaching him to read. He dreams of the woman feeding him candy (don't tell Ze-), of the woman introducing him to a girl of bright blue eyes (Lucia) and of watching the night come through a great glass window.

Lucy Heartfilia is the first person who makes Natsu recall. The Guild loves him, but memories made with the Guild are of the guild alone, never of the far past with Igneel and the group of people -who he rarely remembers- that raised Natsu.

Lucy is a source of nice memories, nice dreams, of a familiarity that makes his heart ache. The Guild is made of fluffy memories, dangerous memories, near death memories when he broke the rules and got too close to a drunk Mage, but Lucy is the first one that makes him go back to the past and want to stay there.

Licy is also the source of Aquarius, who never looks directly at Natsu unless she needs to, who never speaks to him, who smells of fear and familiarity and of another land, another time. Aquarius, who Lucy listens to and who told her to never talk to Natsu again, for your safety, and then Lucy went against her advice and kept talking to Natsu and being friends with Natsu anyways.

For that reason Lucy is also, after Happy, the first person Natsu felt comfortable enough around to talk about his more secret problems. Not that he does, because he doesn't want to trouble Lucy more than he already does, but at times he will go with her to sightsee and window shop around the city, and he will feel like a child again. He will feel like he can bare his heart to her, because she understands that he is a child at the soul, and a child he will never stop being.

A child who only wants to be accepted for what he is, be it Dragon, Prince or even a woman-on-disguise.

Lucy is not the only one, though. After the fateful meeting with Lucy (a sister, a friend, family), after the fight for Lullaby and Deliora (a book that opens to a single page, another failure, three faceless siblings with funny names), after meeting Gajeel (metal and a smell of sweet berries and sulfur), after Loki reveals his nature (Leo, the Black Dragon and a man of many faces, death)... And then, Jellal.

Jellal and dark magic. Jellal and forbidden knowledge. Jellal and Zeref (and is that not a nostalgic name, even though Natsu cannot remember from where and when). Jellal and Siegrain and the Tower of Heaven. Jellal and Etherion, and then Natsu and Etherion and Dragon Force (so much power).

The R-system, the Tower of Heaven, the familiarity. This one did not work the first time, the man says in Natsu's dreams, but it worked with you, and the man holds Natsu and blames himself for another failure. Life magic should not be taboo, but then he went and built the basis for Etherion, just in case there is someone I cannot defend you against, right?

His memories show him three coffins and a broken egg, a flower of crystal and a shelf of books. Alphabetagamma rest here, will you come to visit?, and later, much later Natsu brings flowers for people he cannot remember but misses badly, for others he can remember and doesn't miss at all, and for the memories that he should remember but does not (Caelum was our home, once, the man of his dreams says, and Natsu and Igneel once came by when there was no Tower and only a tree, a mausoleum and a stone house, and he adds it to his notes and realizes he may be way older than Erza, how?).

He fights Jellal and almost loses, because Igneel told him to never show his trump card unless necessary, but Erza was knocked out and Jellal was a threat, and really, who cares if someone sees him by what he is if they will not be believed by anyone? Igneel told him that he could keep the transformation magic on at all times, because people would not understand, but Etherion and Dragon Force are too much even for his body (made of Ethernano, gestated in lacrima, resistant to everything), so he fights Jellal with everything he can.

Natsu always pushed himself to his limits, expanding his magic reservoir as much as he could with the transformation magic always covering him. When he could do his mid-level techniques without a need to drop the disguise, he continued (Happy asked him to stop, but he could not). When he could barely pull one of his weakest high-level skills while still keeping the transformation magic, he continued. When he absorbs the Etherion and almost loses control of it, he gives up.

He is not a master of transformation magic. That is Mirajane.

"Dispel." he whispers to himself, as Jellal talks in front of him and Erza cannot pay attention to anything but him. He feels the magic retreat from himself, back to where it should be (you are magic and magic is you), and Jellal's eyes widen when Natsu knocks out Erza again.

He gives himself a moment to wrap his scarf around his chest, because he does not care, but living near Gray has taught him a sense of modesty in both forms and winning a battle because his opponent is distracted sounds like a dishonorable thing to do. And Jellal may or not be possessed by something that is not Zeref or whoever (because whoever would never hurt Natsu, I made this for you, I would never use it against you), but even then his cheeks glow red.

"Y-you are-" and someone-else-as-Jellal-or-maybe-Jellal stutters, his eyes going to Natsu's shoulder (Fairy Tail fairy, not a flaming crown), and Natsu shrugs because you can't ever show your final card too early and proceeds to win.

Jellal turns out to be a nice person, in the end, even if between him and Natsu himself they do end up destroying an illegal tower built atop an ancient graveyard of four centuries of age (much later, they will both agree that it was extremely disrespectful, but also definitely necessary, even if your parents and family were buried there). He never reveals Natsu's carefully kept secret, too, which makes him be extra nice were Natsu's eyes.

Natsu is doubly lucky that Erza never saw him, and is grateful to his old tradition of hiding his injuries from anyone but Happy. When he picks Erza up in the beach she does not question his tattered clothes and buttoned up jacket, and she does not remember his smaller figure and freckles. She and Lucy and Gray and Juvia insist on him going to the doctor as well, but he takes the coward's way out and flees, because they will not understand.

He blames all his insecurities on hormones and lets Happy take care of him for the next three days. If, after he assimilates the extra ethernano completely, his hair is longer and his usual Happy-chosen golden trinkets shimmer with pink light, he ignores it and also blames it on hormones.

Three days is not enough to change the universe he lives in, nor is it enough to challenge his principles. It is, apparently, enough for the Guild to become the new house of a jerk by the name of Gajeel, who irks Natsu so much because he tried to take Lucy away.

Natsu does not get along with Gajeel. Not only because he is Gajeel and used to be part of Phantom Lord, but also because Gajeel knows something Natsu does not want the others to know. And he does not trust Gajeel, not yet, probably not ever.

At first, it was really subtle. When Natsu and Happy would nap in the guildhouse, Gajeel would sit closeby like a sentinel: metal and sweet berries and iron, being around Natsu like a constant presence ever since Gajeel arrived the Guild. A sentinel that watches constantly and at times looks at him with narrowed eyes and a confused expression.

You smell like that woman, he says one day, pointing to Mirajane and looking at Natsu like he hid all the secrets of the universe. He is so familiar, like a friend long lost or an annoying older brother, all black hair and loose clothes. He feels so familiar, like a fire at his house, like the warm raw meat Natsu used to eat, like Igneel's underwing when it rained.

Gray tries to attack Natsu and Gajeel blocks him and Happy from the unseen attack. He looks doubly confused, acting on instinct, and Natsu wonders what instinct is he responding to. His lessons with the Dragons come back, for a moment, and we protect our fellow Kings, no matter what they do; we are an Alliance of many kingdoms and we protect each other.

Is it transformation magic, Gajeel asks one day, when Natsu tries to be an anonymous woman and wears his loose tunics, his shoulder wraps and disguises his hair into a nostalgic jet black. His face is rounder, his form smaller, yet Gajeel recognizes him because his smell is unforgettable Natsu. Gajeel lays his hand on Natsu's flat head, curious, and ruffles his hair for a sense of normalcy.

Happy stays at the Guildhouse, that day, and Gajeel and Natsu wander Magnolia sharing tales of their Dragon fathers, of their long ago unseen dwellings, of how to best cook meat so it will be raw but still warm. They share stories of extinguished flowers, of flavorful fruits and of towns long destroyed. They are older than they should be and it shows when they talk with ancient words, heavy rhotics and sibilant hisses.

You smell like a woman, Gajeel says once, and Natsu freezes around a sleeping Happy and brings up the flame of his life and heart. People will not understand even if it is alright, and Grandeeney said that it was alright but he cannot be sure that Gajeel will understand his odd self, his split instincts and his weird urges.

He prepares for a fight but gets none, as Gajeel simply nods and sits on the ground, his back to the tree they were using as a shade. He looks at the Guild celebrating something closeby, then at the sleeping Happy and right at Natsu again, and Natsu shudders. They do not know, do they? Gajeel questions and brings out all of Natsu's insecurities, all of his anxiety, and douses the fire with some small yet big words.

I would never attack a nesting mother, he says, and I would never reveal a mother's secrets. Because Gajeel may have been Phantom Lord, but he is a Dragon first, and Dragons protect their own in all senses of the word.

Gajeel never tells anyone and, at times, when Natsu is napping with Happy in the guildhouse, he will sit besides them and nap along. Dragons are lonely hoarders, but they are protectors first, and Natsu seems to be hoarding children around him like Grandeeney would have done had she still been around. He feels oddly protective about it.

They are a weird lounge, the cat and the Fire Dragon(ess) and the Metal Dragon, but they are a lounge inside a bigger flutter, and that is okay.

And then Laxus attacks.

Zeref watches. He watches Natsu grow, watches him build bonds, watches him become the brother he would never have again. From Alverez, where he rules; from Magnolia, every few years; from Tenroujima, a few months before his undeserved long sleep, he watches the person Natsu has become.

He is worried, but also not. His magic is dark and deadly, but Natsu balances all that, being light and fire and life like the Dragneel clan used to be. The loophole of his magic, the sole being who can survive him; Natsu is that and more, his own family, his own creation which goes farther and closer than anyone else in the world. Natsu is life made, life built and life born, all in one, and Zeref watches.

Caring for a life so much to kill for it. Caring for a life so much to destroy everything around him. Zeref did not think it was possible, at first: when making Natsu, he had been worried he would one day snap and destroy his own brother, his own children, his own magic. But that did not happen, as the curse is… weird.

Care too much for life and lose control. Not care about it and earn control. But if you care about a single life so much to beg for destruction, then that is an anchor. If you care about a dead being too much, it also becomes an anchor, but Mavis is not dead, not really. If you don't care about a life, then it will live; if you care about a life for the wrong reasons, it lives as well.

In the old days, when it was just his demons, Igneel and Zeref himself, he held his magic in control because his direct opposites were with him. Igneel, a being of pure life, and Natsu, a being of dark yet bright fire. Then Anna, made of life and bringer of life, and Lucia, proudly born from a human and a Spirit. Then the Celestial Spirits, who could die yet were made of life of the stars; then the demons, made of darkness, death and magic (and books, paper and ink maintaining their lives until Zeref himself dies or their book is destroyed).

Acnologia -dear eldest, companion and rival- was death, like Zeref himself, but they never stayed around each other long enough for their magic to act up. A dragon of destruction and dark fire, like Natsu, yet not like Natsu; it is curious. They could never harm each other with their magics (one not properly alive, the other not a Dragon), but if things got too far to get their hands involved, either one would leave because their clash could wipe out miles of age and souls. Both cared for others, in their own way: Acnologia saw humans as producers, Zeref saw humans as potential murderers of his person.

He watches Jellal and his misfortune, caused by Zeref and a long forgotten Celestial Mage. He is immune, just like many others who suffered in Zeref's name, immune because his curse wants him to watch how those who were touched by his hand and cruelty live. All of those he loved in his immortal curse, and hated enough to wish dead, and all of those who moved only because of Zeref himself. Acnologia. Igneel. Natsu. Alpha, Beta, Gamma. Anna, Lucia, Amadeus. Layla.

He watched Amadeus as he gave up on his name, as the name of Heartfilia is passed from Celestial Mage to Celestial Mage, and watched Amadeus and Mard Geer bring destruction in his name. In the end, he had made it to Zeref (I return to you) and survived the encounter, only to be betrayed by his own half-mad Spirits. He watched Amadeus' children, watched the Dark Guilds, watched them bring his children back through their books, watched them build all those failed experiments he had made in his life.

He now watches Jellal, sleeping and unaware. Jellal who was forced to do so many things in Zeref's wronged name, Jellal who only suffered for him, Jellal who fears death more than anything. He watches Ultear in her misguided ignorance, he watches Fairy Tail and Mavis, he watches Rogue and Sting and Wendy and waits for them to meet Natsu.

He seals Nirvana away and heads to Tenroujima. It is time for a nap.

NOTE: This is not supposed to have a plot, but then Edolas began developing its own plot... It will still be updated whenever I feel like doing so.

Why is Natsu so different? Because he is male, but his body is still that of a female, and since he is closer to a dragon than a human his instincts are pretty much that of a dragoness. He is possessive and at times motherly, because that's how it just is, especially since he has Happy around. His memories, though, that's part of the AU. Gajeel is pretty much the same, his dragon side says he should protect Natsu and Happy (a nesting mother), and that's what he is doing. Zeref is a cute brother, fight me. He also left his research books scattered around his old safe houses, so that's the reason the R-System is at Caelum. The Heartfilia family is rather weird and Amadeus is an OC.