Disclaimer: They're all yours, Daniel Handler; use them well.

Had Angela Quagmire survived to gastrulation, she would likely have become a highly gifted volcanologist, and her researches would have provided her brother Duncan with material for many fascinating articles. Carroll Quagmire, meanwhile, would have been a composer, creating suitable melodies for his sister Isadora's couplets.

In fact, however, Angela and Carroll failed, as do many human zygotes, to attach themselves securely to their mother's endometrium, resulting in their extremely premature demise some two weeks after their conception. Thus the world was deprived of their unique contributions, and, indeed, never even guessed the true conception identity of the Quagmire quintuplets.