The Fairy Tail guild was currently doing their usual routine, consisting of heavy drinking, chatting or brawling. For example, the daughter of one Ace was sipping so much alcohol that it was amazing she didn't die of alcohol poisoning.
"Hey, Mira, mind getting me another drink?" Cana asked, still completely sober somehow.
"Well, all right, but don't overdo it now." Mirajane replied with a smile, handing her another mug.
"Eh, no such thing as overdoing it with me." Cana replied with a shrug.
"Excuse m-aaahhh!" The mailman coming into the guild door tried to announce himself, only to dodge a flying guild member coming his way.
The mailman wasn't really surprised by this, considering Fairy Tail's reputation. Why did he have to lose the bet and be the one to deliver their packages!? Seriously, why did the package have to be directly delivered to the guildhall?
He ducked, bobbed and weaved around the brawling guild members, but he didn't make it out unscathed, as he had several tears on his uniform, as well as cuts and bruises, and even a black eye.
"Can I help you?" Mira asked politely to the mail man who managed to reach his way to the bar counter.
"HERE! JUST TAKE IT!" The mailman yelled at Mira, throwing a small rectangular box covered in brown wrapping.
The woman tilted her head and frowned. "Well, um...Thank you for your delivery!" She called back with a wave.
"Oh?" Mira turned at the voice of the guildmaster. "A package, eh? What do we have?"
"I don't know." Mira answered before tearing open the wrappings. It was a magical film...But it was unlabeled.
"Hmm? What in the world is this?" Makarov commented, picking up the DVD.
"I've never seen anything like-Wait, there's a note." Mira picked up a sheet of paper.
"ALL RIGHT, BRATS, LISTEN UP NOW!" Makarov yelled.
The guild member stopped brawling and turned to their master. "Now, we just received a package that appears to be a film of some sort. It came with a letter, so you're all gonna sit and listen up!" The guild, curiousity piqued, obliged and listened to Mira talk.
'Dear Fairy Tail Guild
I have been watching you for many years, and am a huge fan of you all. I exist in a world where many tidbits of your adventures and exploits are visible to the public eye, and many of my people have grown to love each and every one of you.
I have managed to find a way to transport objects to your world, and I've decided that I want to share some of my world's culture with you. I will be periodically sending packages containing various forms of entertainment from my world for you all to enjoy.
And if you don't enjoy the first package I've sent, then don't worry too much. We are a diverse culture, with many different forms of entertainment to share, so there will certainly be things sent to you that are not even remotely similar to this.
With all that said, I hope you'll enjoy.'
"Huh? Is this a prank?" Gray questioned, not believing someone actually dimension hopped of all things to give them stuff because they were a fan.
"I don't know Gray. We have seen weirder stuff." Lucy pointed out, remembering Edolas.
"Yeah, I guess..." Gray mumbled. "Still weird as hell though..."
"Either way, I am intrigued to see what may be on that film." Erza said. She was imagining all sorts of things that this other dimension could see as entertainment...
And so, that was how the entire guild found themselves seated in front of a large screen, prepared to watch the video commence...
The DVD starts with a picture book with the title 'Tongue in Cheek'. The book opens to reveal a blue anteater holding a magnifying glass over an anthill, which an ant is popping out of. The anteater's name is Sniffles.
"Awww, this looks adorable!" Wendy cooed.
"Tch..." Gajeel snorted and turned back to his drink.
"Oh, don't be like that." Levy scolded, giving him a light whack on the arm.
And the cartoon starts, revealing Sniffles is having a picnic. He pours himself a drink. He then picks up what looks to be a piece of bread with jelly on it, and then is hit on the back of the head, causing him to fall over in a comedic manner.
This earned a chuckle from most of the guild.
A tall blue moose runs up to the picnic blanket and chuckles sheepishly before apologizing. Sniffles gets up, rubbing the back of his head, and angrily returns the golf ball before going back to his picnic. However, he stops and gasps when he sees something on his blanket...
A small ant is collecting Sniffles' grapes.
Natsu and Happy's eyes narrowed as they scowled at the ant on the screen. They hated ants. Whenever they took food outside, the ants would ALWAYS be there in an attempt to ruin it and take it for themselves!
"C'mon, Sniffles! Don't let that ant take your food from ya!" Natsu ordered.
"Aye! Show him not to mess with you!" Happy agreed.
However, Sniffles had a different plan. He hid behind a tree and grinned before extending his long tongue outward.
"What, he's trying to eat the ant? Why not just kill it and get his food back?" Gray questioned.
"He seems to be an anteater. It's possible he's doing this out of instinct more than anything else." Levy speculated.
When Sniffles touched the ant with his tongue, it quickly ran away until it find itself corned with a cup of hot coffee at back.
"Geez, how long is his tongue?" Gray asked.
"So gross..." Lucy shuddered.
Sniffles made an attempt to have his tongue lunge at the ant, only for it to dodge out of the way, causing the hot beverage to spill all over his tongue, which in turn causes him to let out several pained whimpers.
"Ah, c'mon, it can't hurt THAT badly!" Natsu said.
"Natsu, you can literally eat fire. You've never experienced what it's like to burn your tongue." Gray said flatly.
"Oh yeah? Burning your tongue hurt that badly, Ice for Brains?"
"You tryin' to start something?!"
"Enough, you two." Erza slammed their heads together.
Sniffles' tongue continues to chase the ant. It is screaming all the while.
"...Is it wrong to say that this thing's scream is...kind of annoying?" Happy asked, covering his ears.
The ant runs up a tree, and Sniffles' tongue follows.
"Seriously, all this effort for one little bug?" Gray rolled his eyes. "You got plenty of food right there on that blanket, just eat that!"
"I find his efforts commendable." Erza said with a smile. "One should never give up on their goals!"
"...You do realize he's basically trying to murder someone right now." Gray replied with a raised brow.
Erza flinched. "Well, yes, but...but he's so adorable, and so determined, and oh my goodness I'm supporting murder right now, aren't I?"
"Eyup." Gray said with a nod.
Despite the burning pain of his tongue, Sniffles resumed his chase on the ant. The ant runs up a tree and walks into a branch with a single leaf hanging onto it. Once more Sniffles corners the ant, only to have it slip away using the leaf as a parachute and then as a boat when it hits the water.
"Huh. That wasn't half bad for a dumb little insect." Gajeel admitted as the ant flew away.
"Oh? And here I thought it was too dumb for you, Gajeel." Levy teased, nudging him with his elbow. He simply snorted in response.
Sniffles is determined, however, and he sticks his tongue into the water in an attempt to catch up to the ant.
"He's STILL GOING?!" Gray exclaimed in disbelief. "Just let it go already!"
A purple mole with a sweater and sunglasses is seen sitting on the shore nearby with a camera. He snaps a picture and it develops to reveal Sniffles' tongue traversing through the water like a snake.
"Oh yeah, reminds me of one of my early missions." Laxus commented.
"Ah, yes, I believe it's the one in that village that said they saw a sea monster and wanted it gone...?" Makarov asked.
"And then it just turned out to be a conveniently shaped rock." Laxus finished.
The ant hits the shore and runs off with Sniffles' tongue in hot pursuit, when a golf ball rolls up. The ant trips as it runs for ant-hill, leaving it vulnerable as Sniffles' tongue pounces in for the kill. The tongue stops short of the ant, however, unable to move forward, allowing the ant to escape, slamming a door on top of the hill.
"Ah, bad luck." Cana commented. "Almost had it."
"Well whattya know? That tongue DOES have a limit." Gray said.
"Ugh...I thought it'd NEVER stop extending..." Lucy shuddered slightly.
The guild quickly finds out the reason the tongue stopped extending, however, when they see a pair spiked of cleats standing on top of it.
They collectively winced, imagining the pain of someone standing on their tongues with sharp cleats like that.
"Ugh...How is he not screaming his head off right now?!" Lucy exclaimed.
The moose from earlier is standing on Sniffles' tongue, preparing to hit his golf ball.
"Ah, there really is nothing like a game of golf..." Makarov said fondly. "Unfortunately for our blue friend, the course seems rather dull...Heh, I guess they don't have magic in their world, then they'd see what a REAL golf course looks like!"
The ant waves before jumping into her anthill and closing the door behind her.
Lumpy swings his club, but misses the ball and sighs. Makarov grinned.
"Reminds me of the time Natsu tried to play."
"Hey, come on, that game isn't even fun!" Natsu protested.
"You just don't have the patience for it." Makarov retorted.
"Oh yeah?! You and me after this, old man! I'll show you I can golf!"
"Natsu, you got banned from every golf course in the state." Lucy said flatly.
"Oh right, because I accidentally burned down the course...Heh..." Natsu chuckled sheepishly.
"That was an accident?" Gray asked. "Looked to me like a temper tantrum."
Sniffles clears his throat, causing Lumpy to look up at him.
"Well, he doesn't seem to be in any pain." Carla said.
"Yeah, he looks more annoyed than anything else." Lucy agreed.
"Still don't want those things on my tongue." Natsu shuddered.
"Yeah, me either. Then I'd never taste my yummy fish again!" Happy nodded in agreement.
Lumpy looks down to see that he's on Sniffles' tongue before jumping off with a yelp. He picks it up and delivers it to him, chuckling sheepishly before Sniffles slurps his tongue back into his mouth.
"You've gotten salt, pepper, hot coffee, dirt, bark, lake water and spiked shoes on your tongue. I don't think one puny ant is worth that." Gray said.
And then Sniffles is shown observing the anthill from afar.
"Seriously?! He's STILL going?!" Gray's jaw dropped in disbelief.
"Give the little guy points for persistence." Gajeel said with a shrug.
"I give him ten!" Natsu said.
"Ten!" Happy agreed.
"Seven." Lucy said.
"Why seven?" Happy asked.
"Because I agree with Gray. He should really stop trying."
Sniffles chuckles to himself. Then the scene cuts to inside the anthill, where one of the ants is cooking something, only to hear their secret knock from outside.
She pulls open the wooden flap on the door to see...Sniffles' finger with an ant drawn on it.
"...You. Are. Kidding." Gray said flatly.
"You can't honestly expect them to fall for that!" Natsu exclaimed, throwing his arms up.
"...Oh my goodness, they're actually falling for it." Mirajane said in disbelief, as the ants open the door to let the other ant in...
Only for Sniffles' hand to slam down onto their floor, causing them to scream.
"Welp, looks like he got ya." Natsu said. "Should've been smarter about who ya let in your house."
Sniffles feels around for the ants inside the hill, only to let out a gasp of pain.
Inside the anthill, Sniffles' hand is sewn to the ground, the upper part of his arm sewn to the top of the entrance to the hill. And there is visible blood.
The guild is sitting, surprised by this development. Wendy in particular is shocked by what she is seeing.
"Oh my God, those ants sewed his arm to the ground...How did they even do that?! They did NOT have time to do that!" Lucy exclaimed.
"It seems those ants are much smarter than we initially gave them credit for..." Makarov said with a grimace.
The ants begin pulling his fingernails up with a needle. To increase the pain, the ants pour salt on Sniffles' fingers.
The guild turned away from the brutal scene, collectively cringing, some feeling downright sick to their stomachs. Wendy even emptied hers into a nearby bag.
"I can't believe something as cute as this turned out to be so brutal!" Mirajane shrieked.
"Those ants! What they did goes against everything manliness stands for!" Elfman boomed.
"I doubt the ants care that much about manliness..." Laxus said.
"They...LITERALLY poured salt in his wounds..." Gajeel said with a grimace. "That is honestly one of the most screwed up things I can think of."
As all this is happening, Sniffles is screaming in agony and frantically trying to yank his arm out of the anthill.
"W-Wendy...Y-You're crushing my ribs, dear..." Carla choked out.
"It's not real, it's not real, it's not real, it's not real..." Wendy was mumbling to herself, traumatized by what she was witnessing.
Sniffles grabs at his arm, and gives a mighty tug. This tug, however, rips the skin from his arm, and he falls back from the anthill, leaving the skin of his hand behind him.
Sniffles lands on his back, then sits up, and looks at his hand. He screams when he sees the red, skinless, blood-leaking appendage.
The entire guild cringed seeing Sniffles' skinless arm, having never witnessed anyone actually lose their skin before. It was quite the traumatic sight for them.
"Oh good lord, somebody help him! Get that moose, or that mole, or literally anyone!" Lucy exclaimed.
"I never knew ants were so evil!" Juvia exclaimed, hiding under a table. Then she wrapped her arms around Gray's legs. "Darling Gray, protect me!"
"Get off!" Gray forced his legs out of Juvia's grasp, causing her to whine. "I hate to say it, Sniffles, but ya brought it on yourself."
"Gray! What a horrible thing to say to someone in pain!" Erza scolded.
"What? He tried to eat a family. Obviously they're gonna defend themselves the best they can." Gray shrugged.
"Don't you think they're going too far?! The ants removed his fingernails and LITERALLY poured salt in his wounds!" Lucy shrieked at Gray's indifference.
"What else can they really do? They're ants. They have to work with what they can, right? If they just wait for him to leave, he'll come back. They have to scare him off somehow, and the only way they can do that is by hurting him. They have the right to defend themselves by any means necesarry."
The guild was silent. They couldn't really argue with Gray's logic.
"I still think it's too much..." Natsu grumbled.
"Well, that's your opinion and you're entitled to it." Gray shrugged.
The scene shows Sniffles, with his bandaged injury, inside his house, putting together an ant shaped robot.
"...He's still going after the damn ants?!" Gray threw his arms up. "Sniffles, come ON already! They won't even fill you!"
"It's probably more of a cross between pride and vengeance than anything else." Laxus commented with a shrug.
"And, again, instinct." Levy added.
Sniffles places a small helmet on the robot ant as a finishing touch. Then he places a similar helmet on his own head, emitting some kind of radio wave. Sniffles raises his arms. The robot does the same. Sniffles begins to walk. The robot follows his movements. Sniffles laughs and rubs his hands together.
"Well, I guess that's a smart decision." Gray commented. "Least he's not putting himself in harm's way like that."
Inside the anthill, one of the ants is milking some kind of bug, when he notices the secret knock. He opens the door to see the robot, and then the door is opened to allow it inside.
"Run. Just run." Lucy urged, nervous.
The robot scans the four ants in front of it, and Sniffles laughs as he activates the machine's secret weapons: two buzzsaws, a pair of sharp claws and a drill.
The ants scream and run away in a panic as the robot moves to strike them down.
From an outside perspective, their anthill is rapidly destroyed from the inside out, eventually culminating in it exploding.
"Well, the little guy got payback for his hand." Gajeel said with crossed arms.
"So...that's good, I guess?" Wendy said, unsure of how to react to that.
The robot chases the ants outside, where they run up to Sniffles' house. The robot lunges at them with hooks, missing and getting the hooks caught in an electrical socket. The robot gets electrocuted, as does Sniffles, causing both to fall to the ground.
"Oh dear..." Said Mirajane, putting a hand to her mouth.
"That's karma for ya. She's a cruel mistress." Gajeel said, shaking his head.
One of the ants picks up the helmet off the robot, and crosses the wires.
"What's it doing now?" Natsu scratched his head.
Sniffles groans as he pulls himself up off the floor, then sees the ants are now standing on his table. One of them places the helmet on his head and walks forward...and Sniffles is forced to copy his movements, much to his surprise.
"...Oh no." Wendy covered her eyes, not wanting to witness the inevitable gore.
"Well, Sniffles, look where this little hunt got ya." Gray said. "I can't even bring myself to feel sorry for you anymore." Some of the guild members silently agreed, while others were upset by his words.
The ant forces Sniffles to walk towards a drawer and place an apple down. Sniffles is then forced to open a drawer and pull out a razor blade, causing him to gulp.
"They wouldn't." Mira breathed.
Sniffles is forced to insert five razor blades into the apple.
"Okay, you don't have to do this. The guy's under your control, just make him slit his throat or something..." Gray said, now beginning to feel sympathy for the anteater.
Sniffles whimpers as he is forced to pick up the apple. The ant holds his hand up to his mouth and makes a biting motion...And Sniffles is forced to take a big bite out of the razor filled apple.
There was a loud, collective cry from the guild members, conveying shock, outrage, and most of all, disgust and horror at witnessing someone forced to bite into razor blades.
"Okay, NOW they're going too far!" Gray exclaimed.
"No more blood...No more blood...No more blood..." Wendy huddled in a corner, chanting this mantra.
Gajeel shook his head. If that were him, it'd be no problem. He's devoured solid steel, after all, a couple razors wouldn't be a problem. But Sniffles was different. He didn't have that ability. The fact that he could never experience the unimaginable pain the anteater was feeling made it even more cringe worthy to him.
"Those ants seem to have quite the sadistic streak..." Makarov said, shaking his head.
Sniffles lets out a scream of agony, his mouth bloody from the razor blades. A closeup is shown of his ruined mouth, bloody, with the razors imbedded in his teeth, causing large cracks.
"Geez, they destroyed the guy's teeth!" Natsu exclaimed.
Sniffles is then forced to walk towards a paper shredder. He picks up a sheet of paper, and inserts it into the shredder, where it is cut into ribbons.
Then, the ants make Sniffles stick out his tongue.
"They wouldn't." Natsu said.
Sniffles is forced to place his tongue in the shredder.
"They would." Happy said before covering his eyes.
The shredder turns on, and Sniffles' tongue is shredded into ribbons as he screams and sobs pitifully.
"Make it stooooop!" Wendy covered her ears and closed her eyes.
"Close that book already!" Makarov exclaimed.
Everyone else was too busy putting their hands over their mouths, thankful their tongues were still intact.
The torture continues, as Sniffles is forced to walk outside, holding a hammer, a large nail and a paddle. The nail is then held over his tail as he is forced to raise the hammer, pleading desperately.
"Even Tartarus would draw the line at this level of torture." Erza said, disgusted by what the ants were doing.
"I swear, I never wanna see another ant again as long as I live!" Natsu said furiously.
"Aye, sir!" Happy agreed.
The nail is violently drove into Sniffles' tail, causing him to scream in horrible agony. All Exceeds present in the room covered their tails with winces.
Sniffles tries in vain to yank the helmet off his head, but is instead forced to pick up the oar.
Sniffles whimpers as the remains of his tongue are tied to the oar. He is then forced to twist the oar, his snout getting twisted alongside it with audible cracking sounds. And all he can do is scream and cry, tears in his eyes.
At this point, practically everyone was forcing themselves not to vomit at the gruesome display before them, not sure how to handle this level of brutality towards a helpless creature.
"Why...? Just why...?" Erza said softly.
"Oh God, I just wanna hug him..." Lucy whimpered, staring at the horrible scene.
Finally, Sniffles lets go of the paddle, and it begins to twirl like the rotors of a helicopter, lifting him off the ground. However, his tail is nailed down, and so he is unable to get too far up.
He screams as his tongue is violently twirled...And then, abruptly, his vital organs and ribcage are yanked out through his mouth, finally putting an end to his suffering as his corpse collapses lifelessly to the ground.
"It's finally over..." Mirajane whispered, praying for Sniffles' soul.
"This was sent to us by a FAN?!" Lucy exclaimed.
"Some fan we've got!" Natsu exclaimed.
The next scene shows one of the ants running and playing with a hoop, pushing it with a stick.
"Yeah, I hope you're having fun, ya little monster, 'cause when you die, you're going straight to hell!" Natsu exclaimed.
The ant turns and waves to his mother, who is sweeping the front of their new home. She waves back, and their house is revealed.
The ants have made a house out of Sniffles' remains.
"They tortured him to death, and then they defiled his corpse?!" Lucy shrieked, clapping her hands over her mouth.
"Tch...Self defense or not, those ants DESERVE to be eaten!" Gajeel said through gritted teeth.
Erza stood atop a table and pointed dramatically at the screen. "You vile creatures! How dare you?! You've no right to torture and humiliate that poor anteater in such a horrendous manner! I will teach you a lesson you will never forget!" She prepared to attack, and was held back by Natsu and Gray.
"Don't do it, Erza!" Natsu exclaimed.
"Unhand me! I will teach those insects the error of their ways!" Erza struggled to escape their grasps.
"It's not even real!" Gray exclaimed.
Meanwhile, Lumpy is still playing golf. He slips on one of his golf gloves, but the other one is missing. Then, he finds the skin that had been torn from Sniffles' hand earlier and slips it over his own.
"...Does he have any idea what he's doing?" Levy asked, grimacing.
"He...seems pretty slow..." Mirajane replied with a sweatdrop.
Lumpy hits the ball, and it goes through a red tube, which is revealed to be Sniffles' intenstinal tract, wrapped around a tree.
"That is simply disgusting!" Makarov exclaimed. "And furthermore, he's missed the point of the game entirely! You're trying to get the ball into a hole on the ground, not into any sort of tube!"
"I think I'll take a raincheck on that golf rematch, old man..." Natsu mumbled, feeling ill.
"And I think I'm gonna spend the night in the guild...I'll just sleep on the counter...Where the ants PROBABLY can't get me..." Wendy mumbled softly.
Lumpy pumps his fist in victory, and the episode ends...
And then immediately reveals another one. The guild members stiffened.
"...Do we have to...?" Wendy whimpered.
"Maybe this one'll be better." Natsu said optimistically. "C'mon, I say we give it a shot!"
"Great attitude, my boy!" Makarov said, nodding in approval.
The episode is called 'Sea What I Found.' It stars a blue sea otter named Russell.
"We have pirates in this show too?" Gray asked, raising his brow.
It also stars two green raccoons named Lifty and Shifty, only differentiated by one of them wearing a fedora.
The episode also features the blue moose, Lumpy, a bear with an orange afro named Disco Bear, another bear smoking a pipe named Pop, and an infant named Cub.
"There's a baby in this show...Oh my goodness there's a baby in this show..." Wendy covered her eyes. "Please don't hurt the baby..."
The episode begins in Russell's house, where he is waking up from his slumber, woken by his alarm clock, which is a parrot.
"That's rather charming." Erza said with a small smile. "His house is decorated to be like a pirate ship."
Russell yawns and gets out of his hammock, revealing his peg legs with slippers on them. He opens his closet to reveal various different shoes and a set of peg legs without slippers on them, which is what he settles on.
He then hears a knock on the door, and opens it to reveal Lumpy, with fishing gear all ready to go.
"Ooh, they're gonna go fishing!" Happy exclaimed. "I could really go for a fish right now..."
"After what we just witnessed with Sniffles?!" Lucy exclaimed in shock.
"I need to comfort eat. I've seen you do it." Happy replied dismissively.
"Why you little..."
Lumpy and Russel are now fishing at the docks. Behind them, Pop and Cub are using a set of binoculars. Pop looks into them to see dolphins splashing about on the surface.
"Aww, look at the cute dolphins..." Juvia cooed, delighted at the aquatic mammals.
"I wonder what they'd taste like." Happy commented, much to Juvia's displeasure.
Pop picks up Cub to show him the dolphins, putting his eyes over the binoculars. He is distracted, however, when Disco Bear steps onto the deck, holding a boom box and wearing a speedo.
"...This episode is already on par with the last one." Gray said flatly as everyone else grimaced at the sight.
Pop is equally disturbed, because he lowers his arms slightly, causing the binoculars Cub is looking through to point upwards. Now, instead of looking at the dolphins, Cub is looking directly into the sun, causing holes to be burned through his eyes, clean through to the back of his head.
"Well, at least the kid didn't have to see the freak with the stupid hair in a speedo..." Gajeel commented.
Pop looks at his deceased son, then runs away in a panic, presumably to get Cub medical attention.
Bisca and Alzack both winced at that, not wanting to imagine how the parent must be feeling.
As Pop runs off, Lifty and Shifty approach the docks with a sack and a crowbar, snickering. As Lifty inserts the crowbar under the binoculars and begins pulling, Shifty looks through and sees the dolphins...As well as a bottle with a piece of paper that is reeled in by Russell and Lumpy.
"Oooh, is there gonna be a treasure map inside that bottle?!" Happy exclaimed, eyes sparkling.
Indeed there is, as Lumpy and Russell study the map to see that it leads to a pirate wreck with a treasure chest.
However, Lifty and Shifty are also watching them...
"Yeah, those two did seem like the sneaky thief type." Natsu said with a nod.
Russell and Lumpy cheer over their good luck, and Lifty and Shifty snicker. The two brothers run off...And then immediately come back to smash the binoculars and take the money from inside.
"Such greed..." Erza said, shaking her head.
Lumpy and Russell prepare to set sail. Lumpy is reading the map, when he looks outside to see the waves of the ocean tossing violently, making him feel queasy. The water begins to rotate in circles, making him turn a sickly pale.
The Dragonslayers all mirrored Lumpy's weakness, feeling the moose's pain. Boat rides were utter hell...
"Auuuugh..." Natsu laid on the ground, motionless.
"I don't feel good..." Wendy was clutching her stomach in pain.
"Damn...boats..." Gajeel spat out weakly.
"None of you are even on the boat! Why are you getting motion sickness?!" Lucy exclaimed.
"Just roll with it, Lucy. This happens all the time." Gray said simply.
Lumpy violently vomits on the floor.
"Tsk...Guy just doesn't seem to know how to keep it down." Cana commented before taking another drink.
And then it is revealed that the boat is not even moving, and the water was actually inside a washing machine that Russell is using. Russell looks into the boat with a confused "Yar?"
"Ah...He was sick without reason." Erza said with a small smirk. "Rather amusing."
"I guess he just has a particularly weak stomach." Mira said with a smile.
As Lumpy and Russell set sail, Disco Bear is relaxing on a submarine made of solid gold. However, while he is distracted, Lifty and Shifty climb in through the open hatch, taking over the submarine.
Disco Bear looks around in confusion as his submarine begins to submerge beneath the water...
And then the periscope erupts out from the water beneath him and violently impales him through the stomach, tearing his heart out in the process.
"Why?! Just why?!" Wendy squeezed Carla again.
"Wendy...! Crushing...my...ribs...!"
The submarine begins moving, leaving a trail of Disco Bear's blood and organs behind, which attracts a flock of seagulls.
Lifty and Shifty laugh as they follow close behind Lumpy and Russell, who seem to have reached the spot on the map where the X is marked.
As Lumpy pumps air, Russell goes under the water in a diving suit to secure the treasure. He looks down at his oxygen meter to see that he is running low, and then tugs on the air line.
Lumpy looks over as Russell's tugging rings a bell, then proceeds to pump more air down to him.
"I...don't think he's the right guy for that job." Lucy said with a sweatdrop.
Russell, now full of fresh air, sees the treasure, in the clutches of a skeleton, lying at the bottom of the sea. Happily, he goes and retrieves it... But the submarine is coming his way.
Russell feels a tap on his shoulder, and looks behind him to see Shifty crouching behind him.
And then Lifty rams into him, sending him flying and causing him to drop the treasure.
"Disgraceful...Taking the fruits of others' hard labour..." Erza said, shaking her head in disgust.
Due to the fact that he is underwater, Russell's descent is slow and drawn out, enough so for Lifty and Shifty to play a game of checkers, and the entire time, he's letting out a cry of "Yaaaaaaaaaar!"
"Heh...I love his little pirate sounds." Cana said with a smirk.
"Why are those two playing checkers when they could be getting away with the treasure?" Gray asked.
Lifty and Shifty both snicker, the noise unable to be heard under the water. Bubbles float to the surface, where their laughter is heard. Treasure in hand, they swim back into the submarine and take off.
"C'mon, Russell, don't let 'em get away!" Natsu called out to the screen.
Russell has the same thoughts from the looks of it, as he turns around with an expression of anger on his face.
He grabs a swordfish and uses it to cut some boards out from the sunken shipwreck. Then he grabs a hammerhead shark and uses it to nail the boards together. Then he uses an electric eel as a welding torch, and soon enough, he has a small makeshift underwater boat.
"Huh. Not too shabby." Gray complimented.
"Certainly creative." Erza agreed.
Russell tries to start up the boat...And it immediately falls apart. Then all the creatures he used to put it together come back and beat him up.
"I suppose that's to be expected when you use dangerous creatures as literal tools." Makarov said.
"It was both a stupid idea, yet also a brilliant one." Gray gave Russell props where it was due.
Russel pulls on the hose, ringing the bell and waking up lumpy, who proceeds to turn on the oxygen handle. Russel continues pulling the hose, not getting any oxygen.
"Oh no! He's not getting any oxygen?! Save him! I don't wanna watch anyone drown!" Wendy shrieked.
"I think it's because the moose is an idiot." Cana said, rolling her eyes.
Lumpy is pumping down air as fast as he can, a panicked look on his face, when he finally notices he's standing on the hose.
"I knew he couldn't be trusted..." Lucy facepalmed and shook her head.
Finally, Lumpy steps off the hose, and a huge amount of air goes down to Russell, causing his suit to inflate, causing him to float upward.
"Phew..." Wendy sighed in relief that Russel hadn't drowned.
Back on the boat, the hose begins whipping about wildly, causing Lumpy to panic and scream. It seems to have missed him at first, much to his relief...
But then all of his limbs abruptly fall off, followed by one of his antlers.
"Wait, what?! How did that even happen?!" Levy was more baffled than horrified by Lumpy's mutilation.
"Guess that's just how ridiculous this show is." Laxus shrugged.
A drowning Lumpy floats down past Russell, who begins to float upwards.
The air pumped into his suit causes him to expand in a grotesque manner, and eventually, his body grows too big for his skin, causing his muscle and some of his inner workings to become exposed, killing him.
"Oh my goodness..." Mira buried her face in her hands.
"I put all the blame on Lumpy! If he hadn't slacked off from his duty, Russell never would have suffered the loss of air in the first place!" Erza exclaimed.
Russell's corpse floats to the surface, where the dolphins from earlier begin to play with it like a beach ball.
"Such innocent little dolphins..." Juvia mumbled.
Back in the submarine, Lifty and Shifty open the treasure chest and admire their stolen goods.
"Dirtbags..." Natsu spat.
The raccoons begin stuffing their pockets with gold coins. Lifty puts a crown on top of his head. Shifty puts on a golden necklace and stuffs his fedora with gold coins before putting it back on.
However, the submarine then floated over an underwater volcano, causing it to overheat and jerk to a stop.
"They gonna get caught up in an eruption or something?" Gray asked.
Inside the submarine, the pipes break and the bolts fly out, causng several chunks of debris to come down and land on top of Lifty, pinning him to the ground.
Shifty approaches his brother with a grin, and Lifty smiles, thinking he is going to be saved.
However, rather than helping his twin, Shifty instead steals all the gold Lifty has for himself. Lifty looks betrayed, before narrowing his eyes in anger.
It was no surprise that everyone in the guild hall was fuming at the betrayal, due to the strong familial bond they all shared.
"That bastard!" Natsu roared.
"Valuing money over your own flesh and blood sibling...Despicable!" Erza spat, disgusted.
Shifty tries to make his way to the door. But due to the boiling temperature of the submarine, his feet are stuck to the floor. And so he has to force himself just to move through the submarine.
However, this comes at a cost. With every step he takes, a layer of skin and flesh is torn off the bottoms of his feet.
"I...don't know whether to be grateful he's getting what he deserves or sympathetic, because...That's just hard to watch..." Levy said, grimacing at the scene.
"Well I say he deserves every second of that!" Gajeel replied.
"Ugh...My feet are aching just watching that...I have a sudden urge to start wearing shoes..." Natsu commented.
Shifty attempts to climb through the doorway to get to the ladder, but is unable to, due to the fact that he is weighed down by all the gold he is carrying.
"Heh...That's karma for ya, Shifty." Gray said, crossing his arms.
"Greed does not pay." Erza said sagely.
Several of the gold coins Shifty was carrying land on the ground, and Shifty lets out a sound of surprise when he sees that the coins are melting.
"...I can't look..." Wendy covered her eyes.
Seconds later, the gold Shifty had with him begins to melt, rapidly covering his body in the scalding golden liquid, all while he screams in panic and agony.
"Well, he wanted gold, so he BECAME gold. That's karma for ya, dirty thief." Gray said with a smirk.
"That's what he gets!" Elfman shouted, causing the guild hall to cheer.
"So am I the only one disturbed by what happened to him...?" Lucy asked with a nervous grin.
The submarine sinks into the volcano, which then promptly erupts, causing it to fall to pieces.
Miraculously, Lifty survives the whole incident, with minimal injuries to show for it.
"Oh good...I'm glad someone made it out okay." Wendy said with a small smile.
"Yeah, good to see the guy didn't die from being betrayed by that brother of his!" Natsu agreed.
Lifty looks to see his brother is now a golden statue, face frozen in an expression of terror, causing everyone to shudder as they began to imagine what it would be like to have molten gold slowly ooze over them...
Lifty grins widely at his deceased twin, then takes a quick glance upward before swimming down to grab Shifty's remains.
"No, no, no, there's no way you'll be able to lift that!" Wendy exclaimed.
"Let it go, Lift!" Natsu exclaimed. "It's not worth it!"
However, Lifty finds that the statue is too heavy, and to make matters worse, his arm gets stuck, forcing him to sink to the bottom of the sea along with his brother.
Lifty lets out a few gurgles, trying in vain to gasp for air, but ultimately, he drowns.
"His greed overcame him, and led him to make a poor decision." Erza said, shaking her head.
"Tch...He just wanted to cash in on his dead brother's corpse." Gray said, disgusted.
"At least he didn't die like Shifty did..." Lucy mumbled to herself, still somewhat haunted by Shifty's screams.
The map that had been the kickstart to this series of events floats to the surface, where it is found by a yellow rabbit, who opens it up to reveal Lifty and Shifty's corpses are now on the map.
"Oh boy...Here we go again..." Gray mumbled, rolling his eyes. "Now he's gonna get a bunch of his friends killed trying to get that 'treasure'..."
The episode ends...And another one starts up.
"Well, the second one was better than the first, so this can't be that bad!" Natsu exclaimed with a grin.
The episode is called Wishy Washy. It stars a blue skunk named Petunia.
"Wow...She's kinda pretty..." Happy mumbled softly to himself. Natsu heard and looked down at his little friend with a grin.
"Careful, buddy, wouldn't want Carla to get jealous." He said, giving Happy a noogie.
Lumpy is also in a starring role.
The episode begins with Petunia taking a shower, causing Happy to blush. Petunia dries herself off and steps out of the shower with a towel around her head, then washes her hands.
"You just took a shower...Is that really necesarry?" Gray asked, brow quirked.
"Well, some people just...REALLY value cleanliness." Lucy replied to Gray's comment.
Petunia puts her towel in a laundry hamper, where all of the other towels she's used are folded neatly.
"Well, someone is certainly organized." Levy said with a smile.
"Little TOO organized if ya ask me." Gajeel said gruffly.
Petunia puts her trademark flower back on her head, then opens a cupboard to reveal an assortment of bottles. She picks one, squirts a pinkish cream onto her hand, and rubs it on her face before putting it back.
However, she then gasps in horror when she notices one of the bottles is off position, with the logo facing slightly to the right while the others are pointed straight forward.
"Oh boy...She's OCD as all hell." Gray observed.
"Don't despair, Petunia! You can do this!" Erza shouted in an encouraging manner.
"You're getting too into this..." Lucy mumbled softly.
Petunia takes some deep breaths to calm herself, eliciting an eye roll from several members of the guild, before reaching over and turning the bottle into the correct position.
"There ya go. It's that simple. You didn't need all that drama." Gray said.
"Well done, Petunia!" Erza clapped her hands with a huge smile. "You've overcome your obstacle!"
Petunia sighs in relief and closes the cupboard...only to notice an unsightly green stain on the mirror.
She then proceeds to hyperventilate into a paper bag for several moments.
"How much do you guys wanna bet she's gonna work herself up into a heart attack?" Gray said, rolling his eyes.
Petunia cleans he mirror using a large wad of toilet paper wrapped around her rubber-gloved hand (and several layers of cleaning solution on the mirror.)
"Seriously excessive there." Gajeel said, raising his brow.
"At least she values cleanliness." Lucy said before giving Natsu the evil eye, causing him to look at her with a confused grunt.
Happy, for his part, was sitting and daydreaming about what a life with Petunia would be like, him bringing a big fish home every day, her keeping the house clean, them cuddling...
"Awww, Happy, looks like someone has a crush~." Mira teased softly, causing him to blush.
"I like Carla..." He mumbled softly.
"I am not gonna let this go, Happy." Natsu said, patting the Exceed's head.
Petunia attempts to flush all the toilet paper at once.
"There's no way that's gonna go down." Gray said flatly.
Petunia turns on her sink, only for it to immediately turn back off again.
"Uh-oh, did she wreck her plumbing?" Mira asked.
Petunia turns around and gasps when she sees a sickly greenish liquid in her toilet.
"Sheesh, how'd THAT happen just from trying to flush some toilet paper?" Natsu asked with a raised brow.
"Yeah. Normally it takes YOU to do something like that..." Lucy grumbled.
"One time, Lucy, one time!"
"One time too many!"
"...Lumpy's gonna be the plumber, isn't he?" Gray asked, causing everyone to wince.
Sure enough, a blue hand rings the doorbell. A hyperventilating Petunia hurriedly answers the door, where Lumpy is standing, tool kit in hand and mud all over the bottoms of his shoes.
Lumpy greets Petunia, who hurriedly babbles the problem to him. As Lumpy walks in, Petunia freezes as she sees him trekking his muddy footprints all over the floor, and begins hyperventilating again.
"And there's ANOTHER thing you do!" Lucy gestured to the screen. "If I had ONE COIN for EVERY bit of mud you, Gray or Erza trekked on my floor, I'd have my parents' entire fortune back!"
"Whoa, Lucy, just calm down..." Natsu said nervously.
"Sounds like a lot of pent up anger's being unleashed here..." Gray mumbled nervously.
"Lucy is right...There is no excuse...It was unforgivable for me to trek my muddy footprints on your newly cleaned floor..." Erza said mournfully.
Lumpy enters the bathroom and sees the toilet, overflowed with the bubbling green liquid.
"It looks just like the bathroom here after Cana's had too much to drink." Gray commented.
"Eh." Cana shrugged her shoulders.
As Lumpy walks back outside to get what he needs, Petunia is rushing along behind him with a mini vacuum, cleaning up the mud while hyperventilating.
"You shouldn't trust that bozo, Petunia!" Happy said. "Get a real man to fix your plumbing!"
"Oh, like you?" Natsu asked, grinning widely at his friend.
"Stop teasing!" Happy whined.
After coming back in, Lumpy catches on to the fact that he should probably wipe his feet first. So he scrapes the mud off his work boots.
"Wow! Look at how easy it is to scrape mud off the bottoms of your feet!" Lucy said in a passive aggressive tone. "It's like magic! Hey, what if you guys could do that?! Wouldn't that just be GREAT?!"
"...I think we need to be a bit more considerate to Lucy's place..." Gray admitted.
Lumpy closes the door and gets to work as Petunia runs back and forth, hyperventilating. Lumpy reaches into his toolkit and pulls out a plunger. It seems to be working at first...Only for the toilet to back up, causing a geyser of the green slime to erupt from the toilet.
"Wow, Lumpy sucks at fixing things, who would have guessed?" Gray said sarcastically.
Lumpy, in a panic, slams the toilet lid down, causing the sludge to seep under the doorway, catching Petunia's attention and causing her to scream. She opens the door and lets out a horrified gasp at the state of her bathroom.
Lumpy pulls out the cause of the clog, chuckling nervously. Petunia responds by hyperventilating into her paper bag, causing it to pop from the air pressure.
Needing something else to breathe into, Petunia grabs a rubber glove and begins breathing into that. She begins to calm down...
Only for the glove to end up getting stuck in her throat, causing her to start choking.
"No! Save her, Lumpy!" Happy shouted in a panic.
"Yeah, Lumpy, Happy can't take seeing his girl die!" Natsu exclaimed.
"Shut up, Natsu!" Happy thumped the back of Natsu's head, causing him to laugh.
Lumpy notices Petunia choking and gasps, rushing over to help.
"This can NOT end well." Gray commented.
Lumpy decides to get the glove out of Petunia's mouth by planting the still VERY dirty and grimy plunger over her mouth, attempting to yank it out that way.
The guild hall, once again, collectively grimaced at the sight.
"Oh dear God..." Lucy shuddered as she looked away.
"Disgusting! Repulsive! How could that moose even THINK that would be a good idea?!" Carla shrieked.
"That's nasty." Gajeel said.
Lumpy tried pressing down on her chest since the plunger didn't work. This tactic however, only inflated the glove stuck in her throat.
Gonna start a new note chain so that we don't run out of room.
Lumpy repeatedly tries to grab at the glove as it inflates, only for it to deflate just as he's about to grab it.
"JUST REACH IN AND TAKE IT OUT, YOU STUPID MOOSE!" Happy roared angrily.
Lumpy eventually does just that...Also shoving his entire hand and some of his arm down her throat in the process.
"There's...no hope for this guy." Gray said, shaking his head and facepalming.
Lumpy successfully pulls the glove out, holding it up with a triumphant "Ah-ha!"
Petunia takes in repeated gasps for air, then sits up and remembers what just happened as she looks at the filthy glove and the grimy plunger. Her scream is loud enough to cause the entire house to shake.
"I'd scream like that too if that happened to me." Lucy said, shaking her head.
Petunia, tears in her eyes, is now brushing her teeth so hard that she's bleeding from it.
Happy wanted to hug her. But unfortunately, she wasn't real, and that made him very sad.
Petunia finishes cleaning her bathroom, and it is now sparkling clean.
"Yes! You overcame yet another obstacle! Well done!" Erza yelled, tears of joy in her eyes. She found herself growing increasingly attached to these creatures with each passing episode.
Petunia sighs in relief as her bathroom is cleaned, and then she climbs into her shower once again, shuddering from her traumatic endeavour. She puts some mouthwash in her mouth, swishes it about and spits it out. Then she begins to chug the whole thing down.
"If she doesn't die from some kind of overly gory accident, she's gonna die from poisoning." Gray commented, rolling his eyes at the stupid move.
Down in the basement, Lumpy is working on fixing the pipes. He picks up one of his tools and inserts it inside the unscrewed pipe.
Disco Bear is bathing in his house, causing everyone to groan.
"First we see him in a speedo, now we see him bathing?!" Natsu exclaimed.
Suddenly, the drill of Lumpy's tool bursts through the water of Disco Bear's tub, causing him to yell in confusion. The drill goes back down, and he looks around cautiously...
And then the drill comes out of the water once more and imbeds itself into his eye, causing him to let out a scream of agony.
Lumpy is pulling tightly on his tool, and when he pulls it out of the pipe, he pulls out not just Disco Bear's eye, but also several of his vital organs.
"There's the gory death!" Jet shouted.
"I don't wanna take baths anymore!" Wendy exclaimed, now afraid of her own shower.
"Wendy, I will NOT allow that!" Carla said sternly. "Cleanliness is important!" Wendy grabbed Carla and began to shake her back and forth.
"I DON'T CARE! I'M NOT GONNA END UP LIKE DISCO BEAR!"
"Oh, honestly..." Carla said when she got out of Wendy's grasp. "You've been spending far too much time with Natsu."
"Hey!" Natsu protested.
The pipe begins shaking as Lumpy takes a quick peek and water comes flowing out, pushing Lumpy to the water heater. Lumpy sees his tool pierced the water heater and yanks it out.
"Bad move, Lumphead..." Gray said with a facepalm.
Lumpy screams in agony as boiling bot steam pours of out the water heater, all over him. Then it falls on top of him, crushing him under its weight.
Lumpy's muffled screams of agony are heard as he is crushed by the massive hot water tank and covered in scalding hot water at the same time.
"Ooooogh...That's gotta be a nasty way to go." Gray said with a grimace.
Back in her bathroom, Petunia is still showering, when suddenly the water turns off, much to her confusion. Annoyed, she decides to go downstairs to see what Lumpy is doing. She calls down the stairs, gets no reply, and then goes down herself.
The basement is dark, and she has to turn on a light in order to see her surroundings. She screams when she finds herself standing in filthy, grimy water.
And then Lumpy's corpse floats by.
Lumpy's skin is covered in massive, red blisters caused from intense heat. His antlers are completely missing from his head. His eyes are wide and bloodshot, staring blankly up at the ceiling. And all of the skin has been burned off of his nose, revealing raw, red flesh.
"Wow...That might actually be more disturbing than the Sniffles house." Gajeel said. Everyone else nodded dumbly, stunned by the image.
Petunia screamed in horror. Then, upon seeing Lumpy's corpse float by. Petunia loses her balance and falls in the muck. She comes out covered in gunk and runs upstairs, screaming in fear.
"I get the feeling she's screaming more at the fact that she's dirty than the dead body floating around in her basement." Laxus deadpanned.
Petunia runs upstairs and frantically shakes her showerhead in a desperate attempt to get it to turn on, but it just won't work. So she runs to the sink and tries to use that, but it's spewing the same green sludge from down in the basement.
Now in complete hysterics, she runs into her kitchen and tries to spray herself with the nozzle.
"Your plumbing's ruined, that's obviously not gonna work!" Gray exclaimed, throwing his arms up.
Indeed, the nozzle is spraying the same sludge. Out of desperation, she begins rummaging through her drawers. She picks out a brush and starts trying to brush the gunk out of her fur.
"You can do it, Petunia!" Erza shouted. "Don't allow this unsightly green sludge to beat you!"
The brush isn't doing anything, however, and, with a growl of anger and frustration, Petunia throws it away.
Happy was beginning to grow scared for his fictional crush...
Petunia pulls out some steel wool and begins using that to scrub her body roughly, but all she does is make her dirty fur all bloody.
Finally, Petunia pulls out a potato peeler, and she begins to laugh madly. She holds her arm over the sink, holds the peeler up to her arm...
And then, she peels a MASSIVE layer of skin off of her arm.
"OH GOD, SHE'S THAT OBSESSED WITH BEING CLEAN?!" Mira shrieked.
"No! Petunia!" Happy called out to his fictional crush.
"HAPPY, SHIELD YOUR EYES!" Natsu covered Happy's eyes, but the cat managed to peek through and see the rest of the scene.
"My God...I was aware that conditions like this could be bad, but never this bad..." Makarov said, stunned by the sheer brutality.
Petunia continues laughing as she peels off layers upon layers of skin off her body, filling the sink with her stripped skin layers.
By the time she is finished, only the top of her head has any skin on it. The rest of her head has been sliced down to the flesh, and her body and arms have been stripped down to the bone.
She continues to laugh, before she finally bleeds out and falls to the floor, dead.
The guild was stunned silent at seeing Petunia completely fall to depravity. The skunk had truly lost her mind.
"I...I..." Happy struggled to speak, tearing up.
"It's okay, Happy. Let it out, Little buddy." Natsu hugged Happy as he burst into tears.
How did something like that happen?! It was a potato peeler! Potato peelers don't do that, they peel potatoes, not people or animals! Waaaahaaahaaahaaaaaaaa!"
"Carla, come get your man!" Natsu called out to the white cat, who rolled her eyes and sighed.
"Oh, all right, all right..." The white exceed flew out of Wendy's grasp and awkwardly pulled Happy into an embrace. "There, there." She said, almost flatly, as she patted the flying Happy's back.
"She...[sob] had so much to live for!"
"Yes, yes, of course she did..."
"It's not faaaaaaair!"
Carla just sighed in exasperation.
A fourth episode starts up. This one is called 'Don't Yank My Chain', and it stars a beaver named Handy, who, ironically, does not have any hands. It also stars a mole named...Mole, who appears to be blind, as he is feeling around with a walking stick. Lumpy is also another starring character.
"Wow, Lumpy's sure showing up a lot." Gray commented.
"I hate Lumpy! He got Petunia killed!" Happy said angrily.
"Now now there." Carla said half-heartedly.
"Well, to be fair, I agree with him. Lumpy's too stupid for my tastes." Gray commented.
The episode also features Lifty, Shifty, Pop and Cub.
The episode starts with Handy and Mole driving a car down the street, Mole reading a map as Handy drives.
"You have the blind guy in charge of the map and the guy without hands in charge of driving." Gray said flatly. "Lumpy isn't the only stupid one."
They are running out of fuel, so they stop at a gas station to replenish their supply, getting out of the car to fill their gas tank, not noticing Lifty and Shifty are hiding in the bushes.
"Oh great, it's THOSE punks again..." Natsu grumbled.
"If they steal the car, I will strike them down where they stand!" Erza exclaimed, pulling out her sword.
And sure enough, that's exactly what Lifty and Shifty do.
The two thieves didn't get very far as Lumpy the state trooper stopped them.
"Oh God, Lumpy's the state trooper? They're not getting their car back...EVER." Gray said, rolling his eyes.
The brothers began to panic at the thought of being arrested, but they quickly come up with a plan upon gazing at Handy's and Moles luggage.
Lumpy demands to see their license and registration, which they gladly hand over. Lumpy sees the licenses have pictures of Handy and Mole on it, then he lowers the card to see Lifty and Shifty wearing the duo's clothes. Lumpy then looks into the backseat to see the open suitcases.
Handy and Mole arrive at that exact moment, Handy babbling frantically to Lumpy. Lumpy looks back and forth between Handy and Mole, Lifty and Shifty and the licenses.
"Come on, Lumpy, you can't be THAT stupid!" Lucy exclaimed.
The scene then cuts to a battered and bruised Handy and Mole, in the process of being locked up in a prison cell.
"That pathetic, foolish moose..." Erza said, slapping her palm against her face.
Handy angrily yells at Lumpy as he walks away. Then Handy sees the keys to the cell and tries to grab them unsuccessfully, only to find that the cell door is unlocked.
"Why did they let this guy have his job if he can't even remember to lock the door to the cells?!" Lucy exclaimed, throwing her arms up.
"If I ever meet Lumpy, I'm gonna punch him in that big nose of his!" Happy exclaimed angrily, beating his paws together.
Handy and Mole attempt to run out of the cell, only to be pulled back by something, dragging them back into the cell. The thing that pulled them back is an iron ball, that has them chained together.
"Okay, what did they even DO to deserve this kind of treatment?!" Levy exclaimed. "All they did was supposedly claim a car is theirs, that's not worth this level of prison!"
"Well, this WAS the stupid guy's idea." Cana replied with a shrug.
The scene briefly cuts to Lifty and Shifty driving Handy and Mole's stolen car, letting out their signature cackle.
"You two are the worst!" Lucy shouted at the two thieves.
Lumpy goes to Handy and Mole's cell to check on them, only to find them gone. He runs to inform the staff of the breakout through a speakerphone, as Handy and Mole are fleeing from the prison, Mole carrying the iron ball.
They stop to take a breath, Mole putting the ball down...But they are standing at the edge of a cliff. The iron ball rolls over the edge, dragging Mole, and by extension Handy, down along with it.
Handy and Mole bounce down the sharp, jagged hill, drawing blood with every bounce, Mole losing a piece of his sweater as they fall down the hill.
The group collectively cringed at the two animals' misfortune, mainly due to the sheer pointiness of the hill.
The duo land at a tree stump where a sledgehammer and a spike sit. While Handy holds the spike in his teeth above the chain, The Mole raises the sledgehammer above his head.
"On one hand...It's technically a dumb idea to hold that thing in your teeth while a blind guy uses a huge hammer...On the other hand, they don't really have much of a choice..." Gray said.
The Mole ends up tripping, however, and he falls down a nearby well, dragging Handy in along with him.
Back at the top of the cliff, Lumpy tracks and The Mole using bloodhound. The bloodhound gets their scent and takes off the cliff, dragging Lumpy down with him.
"And that is why dogs are not man's best friend." Happy nodded sagely.
A yellow rabbit approaches the well with a bucket in hand, humming as he turns the crank. However, when he sees Handy get dragged up, he screams in a panic and lets go of the crank, causing Handy to fall down the well a second time as the rabbit runs away.
"Wow. Deja vu." Gajeel said, sweatdropping at the scene.
The bloodhound finds the piece of The Mole's turtleneck on the branch that it ripped off, and instead of letting the dog sniff it, Lumpy grabs it and uses it to blow his nose, then he confiscates the piece, and then congratulate the dog.
"That fool! Does he not understand that he has contaminated the evidence?!" Erza roared in disbelief.
Handy and The Mole finally make it out of the well and run away as they hear the bloodhound howling in the distance. Cuddles comes back to the well and calls out to whoever may be inside. He almost falls in, however, and clutches to the side of the well for dear life.
"NOT THE BUNNY!" Wendy exclaimed.
The bloodhound approaches the well and looks in. Lumpy, not even looking into the well, drops and breaks the bucket on Cuddles' head.
"I REALLY hate Lumpy in this one..." Happy grumbled, still bitter about Petunia's fate.
Cuddles begins falling and when he reaches the end of the rope, he is decapitated forcefully and his head and spine remain in the bucket.
Lumpy pulls the bucket back up to find Cuddles head floating in a pool of blood. He then throws it back down the well in disgust.
"The dead should never be disrespected in such a manner! You're a disgrace to law enforcement everywhere, Lumpy, and your badge must be stripped from you immediately!" Erza exclaimed angrily.
Handy and The Mole continue running, until they came upon a rowboat docked in a river. They begin rowing away just as Lumpy approaches, shouting after them. Handy finds a hacksaw in a toolbox on the boat, but as The Mole tries to cut the chain, he accidentally cuts the boat in half.
"Of course that would happen..." Lucy said, shaking her head.
"Nothing can ever go right for these creatures, can it?" Mirajane said with a sad smile.
The two almost drown from being pulled down by the ball, but they manage to pull themselves up on a log floating in the river.
"Phew...I didn't wanna see anyone else drown..." Wendy said, relieved.
Handy thinks that all is well, until he looks over and sees they are headed for a sawmill.
"Ooooh...That's a nasty looking saw..." Levy grimaced.
"Get outta there, you guys!" Natsu exclaimed. "Don't get sawed up!"
They attempt running away, but a bunched up group of logs blocks their path.
"They're dead." Gray said impassively, just used to the level of violence by this point.
Handy tells The Mole to get in the water and leave the ball on the log so when the log goes up the ramp to the saw, the ball will be cut in half.
"Smart idea...But it won't actually work. Not with their luck." Levy said, shaking her head.
Unfortunately, the ball falls in the water, dragging The Mole down. He is sent straight into the buzzsaw, where his head is violently sawed in half, blood splattering everywhere as he silently flails around.
"AAAAAHH, I WANNA SEE DROWNING, I WANNA SEE DROWNING, I WANNA SEE DROWNING!" Wendy exclaimed, covering her eyes.
Handy takes a moment to mourn the Mole's death, then tries to walk away. However, things are incredibly difficult now, as Handy must pull the ball as well as The Mole's body, without any hands to aid in the process. This leads to his leg being worn away by the shackle around his ankle.
"There's no way he's gonna make it at this rate..." Levy said, pitying Handy's plight.
He sees that he's next to a set of railroad tracks and upon hearing a train approaching, he gets an idea. He lays the ball and The Mole's body on one side of the tracks, while lying himself on the other side of the tracks, with the chains running over the middle.
"Does he really think that's gonna work?" Cana asked, knowing Handy was gonna die hard.
"Realistically, it WOULD work." Levy replied. "A simple chain would never be able to withstand the speed, force and weight of a train. But in this scenario..."
Indeed, the chain is instead dragged along by the train, causing Handy and the Mole's body to get dragged along the ground violently.
"Oooogh...I'm getting dizzy just watching..." Natsu groaned, putting a hand to his head.
Handy screams in pain as he is dragged across the ground, leaving a trail of blood in his wake.
"Ugh...Damn trains..." Gajeel groaned, looking away.
Inside the train, Cub laughs cutely as he looks out the window to see Handy. Handy continues screaming, but Cub, being an infant, does not process what is going on and simply waves to Handy happily.
"The innocence of children..." Erza said softly. "A wonderful thing, but in this scenario, it will cost someone their life..."
Handy's back is then scraped against the wheels of the train, stripping away the skin on his back to reveal raw red flesh.
The Dragonslayers imagined themselves in this scenario, and struggled with all their might to hold back bile.
"You see?! That's why I hate trains!" Natsu said, pointing at the screen.
Handy tries in vain to reach for the chains with his nubs, but looks up to see the approaching tunnel. He lets out a pitiful whimper...And as the tunnel grows closer, he lets out a blood curdling scream that echoes eerily throughout the tunnel as he is crushed against the wall of the tunnel.
The guild remains silent for a short time, cringing collectively at the echoing sound of Handy's last scream.
"Okay...That scream's gonna be in my dreams tonight..." Lucy said with a light shudder.
"Poor Handy..." Mira said, bowing her head.
At the other side of the tunnel, Cub waves goodbye to Handy, and when he turns around, it is revealed that Handy's severed eyes have landed on Cub's face, which as a pair of googly eyes/gag glasses. The sight of this is enough to horrify Pop.
"No child, under any circumstances, should have body parts stuck to them!" Makarov exclaimed.
Meanwhile, down a road, Lifty and Shifty laugh at their victory for stealing Handy's car, that's until they realize the car runs out of gas. As the two brothers argue about this situation, they're completely unaware that the car stopped on the railroad tracks, where upon the crossing guards come down.
"All right! Here comes the karma train!" Gray said with a grin, ready to see the two crooks get what they deserve.
Hearing the bells ringing and the train approaching, the brothers let out an utter "uh-oh" just before the speeding train rams into the car, obliterating the vehicle and killing the two raccoons.
"...Awesome." Gray said with a smirk.
Back at the tunnel, Handy and The Mole's ball weight comes bouncing out along the tracks and bounces down a cliff. Lumpy stands below, still looking for the fugitives. Suddenly, the ball lands on Lumpy's head, which smashes his skull.
"I'm amazed there was anything in his head to crush." Laxus said, rolling his eyes.
"Ha! Take THAT, Lumpy, you big jerk!"
And then, the fifth and final episode begins. It stars Lifty and Shifty, and it is called 'Easy For You to Sleigh'.
"Oh great, these guys again..." Gray grumbled, rolling his eyes. It once again features Pop and Cub, but it also features a purple deer named Mime, who is dressed like...well, a mime, and a green bear in camo named Flippy.
It is Christmas Eve, and Pop is cooking up a meal while singing "Deck the Halls".
"Aww, they're celebrating the holidays, that's cute." Mira said with a smile.
He checks the turkey to see if it is done, but smoke pours out of the oven and sets off the fire alarm.
"Reminds me of the time Natsu tried to cook." Gray commented.
"Hey, shut it, ice for brains! My cooking wasn't that bad!"
"It was literally ashes." Happy added his two cents.
"Quiet, you!"
Pop, wanting to protect Cub's hearing, gets the ladder and tries to turn the alarm off. He ends up breaking it and removing the batteries to stop the noise.
"Something tells me that's gonna come back to bite him." Gray said calmly.
Outside, Lifty and Shifty (the former wearing a Santa hat) plan to ransack Pop's house by going down the chimney with a sack.
"Have you no shame, you miscreants?! Stealing from others during the holidays! Absolutely shameful!" Erza ranted.
They come out of the fireplace and are about to steal Pop's possessions when suddenly, they see a Christmas tree with ornaments and a star on top, Lifty's eyes glimmering at the sight.
"What's the point of taking a cheap decoration?" Gray asked, annoyed. "It looks shiny, but I doubt it's worth anything."
They decide to steal the tree instead, but it is too big to fit through the chimney. They try to pull it through, but eventually decide it's not worth the effort and walk away, leaving the tree in the chimney.
"Wow, most pointless heist ever." Lucy said.
"They could at least take the star, it's sitting right there!" Natsu exclaimed, annoyed at the lack of common sense, ironically enough.
Pop sets a fire in the fireplace.
"What, he didn't even notice that that huge tree in his living room is gone now?" Gray commented. "Pretty absentminded, isn't he?"
"Wait a minute..." Levy commented. "He just started a fire, and the chimney is blocked by the tree...That means the smoke's gonna go into the house..."
"And that smoke detector is dead..." Natsu added.
"Not the baby and his daddy!" Wendy exclaimed.
As Pop begins reading, smoke begins flowing out of the chimney and filling up the room. Because the fire alarm is broken, Pop and Cub do not realize this. They start to become weak and tired, and eventually, the two of them succumb to carbon monoxide poisoning, falling limp on the spot.
"No...They were so happy...They were celebrating...It's not fair that they had to die..." Wendy sobbed.
"It is indeed tragic...But let's be thankful that they were spared a far more gruesome fate." Erza said gently, patting Wendy on the head.
"Yeah, there's worse ways to go than peacefully in your own home with your family." Gray agreed.
Lifty and Shifty next set their sights on Mime's tent, only to find it empty. They both watch Mime pantomiming washing his face, frying an egg, and putting a bag of money inside a safe before leaving the room.
"Wow...This guy has NOTHING. That's kinda sad, actually..." Lucy commented.
They shrug their shoulders and enter the tent, pretending to steal the imaginary safe and put it in the bag.
"Just...why?" Gray asked.
"HOW DARE YOU TWO CRIMINALS STEAL FROM THAT POOR INNOCENT CLOWN?! RETURN HIS SAFE AT ONCE, SCUM!" Erza boomed.
"Erza, they literally stole nothing." Mirajane said with a sweatdrop.
"And for that, they MUST be punished!" Erza argued.
When they leave the tent, they are disappointed by how little they have accomplished. Next, they see Flippy's house, which they enter through the chimney. Inside, Lifty and Shifty see numerous rare antiques and a huge plasma screen TV in the den, where Flippy sleeps in his armchair with a plate of cookies on his lap.
"Awwww, that little bear is just the CUTEST!" Lucy gushed. "Look at him, sleeping in his widdle army outfit, his voice is soooo cute!"
"Hmm. Seems you have a particular fondness for this bear, Lucy." Erza commented with a smile.
"He's the cutest!"
They tell each other to be quiet before going about their task, but they end up knocking over a picture frame.
And Flippy doesn't wake up.
Then they end up breaking a vase.
Flippy doesn't wake up.
Finally, they accidentally turn on the TV, causing the sound of a bugle horn to sound out loudly.
Flippy doesn't wake up.
"He's an even heavier sleeper than Natsu!"
"Okay, why is it always ME?! Why hasn't anyone else been compared to these things, huh?!"
Since Flippy is such a heavy sleeper, Lifty and Shifty decide to steal everything in his house. The two raccoons remove every single decoration, piece of furniture, everything from Flippy's house, and to make sure he doesn't interfere should he wake up, they tie him to a cinder block.
"Tch...Those punks got lucky is all." Gajeel said in annoyance at the two raccoons.
Getting greedy, the two brothers decide to steal the cookies from Flippy's plate, and end up dropping crumbs on the floor. And THAT is what wakes Flippy up.
Flippy lets out a confused grunt, then notices he's tied up and lets out a frightened yelp as he has a flashback to himself tied up in the midst of a war.
"Oh goodness...It looks like our friend Flippy has quite the history." Makarov said gravely.
"That's horrible!" Lucy exclaimed. "Cuties like him shouldn't have to fight in wars!"
And then, Flippy changes. His eyes change from emerald green to golden yellow, his teeth go from rounded and buck to sharp and pointy, and his voice goes from high pitched and cutesy to a low, angry growl.
"It would seem that the trauma he suffered throughout the war has effected his mind." Erza said grimly.
"I guess he never got any kind of therapy after all the fighting stopped." Mira said softly.
"What, so he's just gonna go crazy and start killing people?!" Lucy exclaimed.
With a roar of anger, Flippy effortlessly breaks free from the ropes.
"Well, they bit off more than they could chew on this one." Cana said before sipping her drink once more.
Lifty and Shifty try to escape through the door, but Fliqpy locks them in, forcing them to run in the other direction.
"I can't look!" Wendy covered her eyes.
While running, Shifty sees candy canes that look like stakes flying towards him.
"Wait, he managed to make candy canes THAT sharp in that short amount of time?" Gray asked, raising a brow.
He ducks, while an oblivious Lifty is impaled in the torso.
"And they're REALLY effective, too!" Lucy exclaimed.
"If you told me yesterday I would be watching someone get bloodily stabbed by candy, I'd have pitied you." Gray said.
"Well, to be fair, it seems that basically anything will hurt these characters in some way." Makarov said.
Shifty keeps running until he sees a fancy candle holder in a bear trap.
"Oh boy, he's gonna go for the candle holder..." Gray facepalmed.
Shifty carries a bag of sand and attempts to match the weight of the bag with the candle holder's. He successfully switches the items around and runs for it.
"Well that was actually kind of smart." Levy said.
And then Shifty comes back to grab his sandbag, getting his arm torn off by the beartrap in the process.
"Too soon..." Levy said with a facepalm.
"How does he even make it as a thief if he's that dumb?" Gajeel questioned.
Meanwhile, Lifty begins licking the candy canes in an effort to escape.
"Is it wrong that I want a candy cane now?" Happy asked.
"Yeah, it's pretty wrong." Natsu replied.
Shifty continues running and narrowly avoids stepping in a snare trap made with Christmas lights.
"Flippy certainly is resourceful..." Mira said.
"Even if he is a savage." Lucy agreed.
He then turns to see Fliqpy, who crushes a glass Christmas ornament in his hand and blows the dust into Shifty's eyes. Shifty is blinded, the glass ornament's remains causing his eyes to bleed heavily.
"Oooh...All that glass..." Lucy shuddered.
"Like I said, very resourceful." Mira restated her point.
Shifty stumbles back into the snare trap, and is then held upside down by the ankle.
Flippy, grinning sadistically, approaches before jamming a tree shaped sugar cookie into Shifty's groin area and using it to carve into his body from the bottom up.
All the men watching immediately covered their groin areas, cringing collectively at the brutal display.
"Ow!" Happy said. "Ooh, I can feel that..."
"Even I feel sorry for him!" Gray said.
Lifty, meanwhile, finally licks through the candy canes and falls out of the trap.
"Run. Freaking RUN." Natsu urged the surviving raccoon.
He looks up to see a shadowy figure that looks like Shifty standing on a stack of boxes and pointing to an exit out a window.
"Wait, he can't still be alive!" Lucy exclaimed. "Not after he got cut open like that!"
Lifty climbs up the pile and jumps out the window...And it is revealed that 'Shifty' is actually Flippy wearing Shifty's skin.
"He's completely lost his mind!" Wendy shrieked in fear.
"Hunters kill and skin the animals they catch...Flippy is the hunter, and Lifty and Shifty are the prey..." Makarov said grimly.
"Yes, I'm sure Flippy has a trap ready to put an end to Shifty." Erza said, shaking her head.
And Erza was correct, as Lifty was tricked into jumping into a baler, brutally shredding his body apart.
Flippy drives the baler away and Lifty's carcass comes out of the machine in the shape of a Christmas present under a tree. Lights on the tree begin blinking, resembling a Christmas tree.
"Starting to have bad thoughts about the holidays now..." Lucy shuddered.
"Please tell me it's over!" Wendy said, not wanting to see any more gory death.
Meanwhile, back in Mime's tent, Mime comes back and is horrified to find his imaginary safe missing.
"He...actually knew it was taken..." Gray said, shaking his head.
And finally, it was over.
"Well...That was...interesting." Mira said.
"I HATED IT!" Wendy exclaimed. "Why?! Why do people enjoy that?! It's not funny! They all DIED! HORRIBLY! Death is not a joke!"
"It had some funny moments..." Lucy admitted.
"Yeah, I'd check out a few more episodes if they get sent to us." Natsu said.
"Didn't hate it." Gray shrugged.
"I hope one day to see an episode where the Happy Tree Friends overcome their troublesome bad luck." Erza said.
"It was worth it just for Petunia." Happy said with a smile. Carla couldn't help but smile slightly at Happy's infatuation with a fake skunk. He was certainly a strange one.
The other guild members gave their thoughts on the show. It seemed Wendy was the only one who truly hated it. Everyone else was rather dismissive about it.
"Well, I certainly look forward to seeing what else our fan may send us!" Makarov said. "Now, you can all go back to your own business! Dismissed!"
And so, the guild returned to their daily brawl.