Here it finally is - No Day But Today, the fic in which I'm killing off Elphaba for good, and I feel it needs some explanation.

I've made up an illness for Elphaba, rather than used an existing one, mainly because I didn't want the focus to be on the illness - I want it to be on the story around it. Carlie (vinkunwildflowerqueen) has given Elphaba cancer once and she's done that so brilliantly, I'm not even going to try to do something like that again (in case you don't know which fic I'm talking about - it's called Come What May and you should go and read it right this instant).

No Day But Today was mainly a challenge for myself. I could never permanently kill either Elphaba or Fiyero in a multichap - I always brought them back, and I basically just wanted to see if I could do it, if I could kill them and not bring them back.

I recognise that this is a heavy topic and I've tried to handle it as sensitively and as realistically as possible whilst still staying relatively close to the musical. I hope I have succeeded in that and I hope you guys will be willing to go on this journey with me, but of course I understand if any of you find the topic too heavy and don't want to read it.

Without further delay, then, here we go.

#1. Receive My First Kiss

There is no future; there is no past

I live this moment as my last

Her fellow students were dancing, mindless and careless, giggling and talking to one another as they downed glasses of punch and twirled around on the dance floor. Many of them were dancing with partners, girls enraptured in boys' arms, swaying together whilst getting lost in one another's eyes. Some of them didn't even bother keeping themselves in check and were all over each other, kissing and touching so feverishly that Elphaba would hardly be surprised if they were to take it a few steps further right there on the dance floor (although she sincerely hoped they wouldn't).

Even after all this time with Galinda as her best friend, she still hated parties. She just didn't get what all the fuss was about. She hated dressing up because she knew that no matter what clothes and make-up she wore and how fancy her hair looked, she would never be even remotely pretty. She hated drinking because every single drink with alcohol in it tasted vile and it made her lose the one thing she never wanted to lose – control. She hated dancing because she was terrible at it and after that fiasco in the OzDust Ballroom in their first year, she didn't feel like embarrassing herself once again. Galinda always claimed dancing was much better with a partner, but Elphaba was sure she would hate that, too, because she didn't like being close to people. And besides, what boy would be willing to dance with the artichoke, anyway? The music was always too loud, there were too many people, and it was just generally overwhelming.

She had brought a book, of course, and she kept stealing glances at Galinda. Only once she was sure that the blonde was dancing with some boy from a higher year and thus no longer paying attention to her green roommate did said green roommate pull the book out of her purse. She settled down in the window sill in the corner, as far away from the dance floor and the other students as possible, and she opened her book and began to read. She just hoped Galinda wouldn't bust her, because if she did, she would definitely take the book away from her and Elphaba would be stuck bored out of her mind for the rest of the night after all.

She was just getting to the good part of the story when someone cleared his throat beside her and she looked up in mild bewilderment. It was Fiyero, standing there awkwardly with his hands in his pockets, staring at her. She raised her eyebrows at him and he gave her a slightly goofy smile that made her stomach do somersaults.

"Hey," he said. He nodded at her book. "Bored?"

"Not anymore," she said. "Not until Galinda catches me and takes my book away, anyway."

He chuckled. "I can imagine. Listen, Fae, I was just wondering… would you like to dance?"

She heaved a deep sigh. "Fiyero, you know I can't dance."

"I can teach you."

She shook her head. "I don't want to damage your feet. I have no interest in dancing, you know. I'm perfectly fine here by myself."

He sighed, too, and sat down in the window sill beside her. "Why do you always have to be so difficult?" he asked, but it didn't sound mean or biting. Actually, it sounded a little disappointed. "I just want to dance with you. That's all. One dance. Because you're my friend, and I like you, and I want to dance with you. Okay? Indulge me?"

She looked at him. He had obviously attempted to smooth down his sandy hair for the occasion, but it was still looking messy, springing in all directions. He did look very handsome in a pair of fancy black trousers and a black jacket over a white shirt that contrasted nicely with this tanned skin. He looked like a gentleman and she couldn't help but glance down at herself. Galinda had forced her into a long, dark green dress with a split up to her knee, along with a pair of silver heels – nothing too high, thank Oz, or she wouldn't even have been able to stand. The dress hugged her forms and it was beautiful, it really was… just not on her, no matter what her bubbly roommate said. Her hair was pinned up in an elegant updo and she was wearing make-up and some jewellery her blonde friend had put on her, but she knew she could never look nearly as pretty as Galinda herself. Sitting beside Fiyero, she felt quite literally like a frog sitting next to a prince.

"Why?" she asked softly. "Every single girl in this room would love to dance with you. Why me?"

He grinned at her. "Like I said. You're my friend and I like you. Why wouldn't I dance with you?" He pouted. "Please? Just once?"

She sighed, but she already knew she would. She could never resist that face. "Fine. Just once."

She'd been annoyed by him since he had arrived at Shiz and that feeling had continued to exist for a long time. He and Galinda had dated for a bit before both moving on, but somehow, during that time, he had started making an effort to be nice to Elphaba – for Galinda's sake at first – and she had started to like him. She'd liked him for a while after that and they were friends. He was just the second friend she'd ever had and that was nice, but nothing else… at least, not until they had saved that Lion cub together.

She was in love with him. She knew that. Hopelessly, terribly, irrevocably, stupidly in love. She had always been good at hiding her feelings, however – unless, of course, she was very angry or upset – and she was fairly certain he had no idea. Thank Oz for that. It could never work and she would never breathe a word about her feelings for him, but that didn't mean she couldn't dream.

She was usually pretty good at letting her common sense override her emotions. However, that became increasingly difficult when Fiyero did things like what he was doing now. Telling her he liked her. Asking her to dance. Touching her. Smiling at her the way he was doing right this moment, making her feel dizzy and weak in the knees.

She stuffed her book into her purse and rose to her feet, blushing when he took her hand in his and led her over to the dance floor. It was a nice song – not too fast, but not awkwardly slow, either – and he pulled her into his arms, but kept his distance. She relaxed after a while, just swaying a little with him, looking over his shoulder. When she felt his bright blue eyes on her, she glanced up at him. "What?"

He shook his head with a smile. "Nothing." His smile vanished. "Fae… I do like you, you know."

She looked at him, surprised. "I know you do. I like you, too."

He shook his head in frustration and let go of her for a moment, running his fingers through his hair. "I don't mean it like that. I mean… I mean I care about you. A lot. Like, a lot a lot."

She continued to stare at him and he drew her back into his arms with a sigh. "Never mind," he muttered. He knew she wouldn't believe him, anyway, if he told her how he felt.

She kept looking at him, wondering what exactly he was trying to say. She thought she knew, but that was just so impossible she didn't even seriously consider the option. However, he had given her an idea and she tilted her head back a little, gaze fixed on his lips.

"Yero?"

"Mmh?" he hummed, still swaying with her in his arms.

She pursed her lips a little, thoughtful. She was feeling bold, all of a sudden. Maybe it was because she knew she had nothing left to lose and she was just so curious as to what it felt like. "Would you kiss me?"

The look on his face was priceless. He all but gawked at her, stopping his movements to stare at her stupidly. "What?"

Insecurity kicking in again, she wrapped her arms around herself. "If the idea really appals you that much, you don't have to," she muttered, feeling stupid all of a sudden. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. Forget I ever brought it up."

He gently tipped her chin up with his fingers, meeting her gaze. Then he leaned in and captured her lips with his own.

Her eyes widened in surprise for a moment before fluttering shut. She hadn't really expected him to do it, but she couldn't even describe how wonderful it felt. It could never lead to anything more, it would always just be this one kiss, but that was all right. This one kiss was perfect enough in itself.

The kiss slowed a few times and each time, she thought he would stop; but he never did. He drew her tighter against him, splaying his fingers against her back and tangling them in her hair, holding her close. A rush of boldness sweeping over her again, she ran her tongue along the seam of his lips and nearly squeaked against his mouth when she felt his lips part right away, allowing her to deepen the kiss. She had no idea what she was doing, but it felt amazing and she never wanted it to end.

He slowed again, instead placing a few soft, gentle kisses to her lips and then pulling away, breathing hard. His face mirrored the look of wonder she must have on hers and she was feeling quite dizzy.

"Wow," he breathed and she chuckled throatily.

"That sums it up pretty well, if you ask me."

Around them, some of their fellow students were cat-calling or whistling at the prince and the green bean kissing. Wanting to shield her from that, Fiyero quickly whisked her off the dance floor and back to their private corner by the window seat. He sat down beside her, holding her hand.

"You did get what I meant, then," he said, a wide grin slowly spreading across his face. "When I said I care about you. I mean… I didn't want to scare you away, but I… I really do like you, Elphaba. Ever since the Lion cub, I think… no, I don't think, I'm actually pretty much entirely sure that I'm… well, I'm in love with you."

Her own smile had slowly melted off her face during his little speech and by the end of it, she was shaking her head. She pulled her hand out of his grip. "No," she said flatly. "You can't."

He looked flabbergasted. "What? Of course I can. What are you talking about?" His eyes narrowed. "Is this about you being insecure about your looks? Your skin? Fae, I don't care that you're green. You're beautiful. Don't shoot me down now with some nonsense about you not deserving me or whatever."

Oz dammit, he knew her too well. "It's not that," she snapped, clutching the strap of her purse so tightly her knuckles turned a lighter shade of green. "Or, well, it is that, but it's not just that. Just… just don't, Fiyero. Stop it. You can't. It's not going to happen." She rose to her feet and made to walk away, but thought better of it at the last moment and turned back around. He was looking confused, hurt, and disappointed, and she almost changed her mind; but then she remembered why she was doing this and she straightened her back and set her jaw, hardening her resolve. "Thank you for that kiss," she said, before turning around and leaving the OzDust Ballroom, hurrying back through the cold to her dorm room.

Galinda knew that her roommate would pretend to be asleep once she got home, but she also knew that Elphaba knew the blonde would never accept that. Sure enough, when she came into the room and turned on the light, Elphaba was lying on her side with her back towards the door, apparently asleep.

"Elphie, I know you're not really sleeping," said Galinda, hanging up her coat and kicking off her heels. "You can keep on pretending until I whack you with a pillow or we can just skip all that and you can tell me what happened with Fiyero. Milla said she saw you two kiss."

Elphaba, recognising when she couldn't win a fight, relented and turned around to face her friend. "He asked me to dance," she said. "I just… figured that I don't really have much left to lose and I wanted to know... you know. What it was like. So I asked him to kiss me, and he did."

Galinda softened. She sighed, shaking her head. "And then what?"

"Then he told me he is in love with me and I ran," Elphaba confessed.

"Oh, Elphie…" Galinda sat down on the edge of Elphaba's bed. "Didn't you know that he likes you? Everyone can see that, really. If you didn't want anything more, you shouldn't have played with his feelings like that." The wide-eyed expression on Elphaba's face told her that her friend in fact hadn't known about the prince's feelings for her at all and Galinda shook her head again. "Oz, Elphie. You didn't know, did you?"

Elphaba bit her lip. "I didn't," she admitted softly. "And I... I do want something more. I wish I could. But even if I weren't green and an outcast, even if he could, for some crazy reason, actually love me…" She trailed off, but Galinda didn't need her to say anything else.

"You don't want to hurt him," she stated quietly. She looked at her friend sympathetically. "You don't want to allow him to fall in love with you and then leave him once your time is up."

Elphaba nodded, biting her lip so hard she tasted blood now. "Exactly. I can give him weeks, months… perhaps I could even give him a year, or two. But I could never give him more and it would only hurt him more if he gets any closer to me now."

Galinda hugged her best friend, not knowing what else she could do. She knew the green girl was right, after all. It would hurt them all terribly to lose her as a friend, but it would be even worse if Fiyero were to start a relationship with her now, even though he didn't know it yet himself. Elphaba purposefully hadn't told anyone, aside from Galinda and, of course, her family and the doctors, because she didn't think she could handle their pity; but she was dying, and she and Galinda both understood that a relationship would only complicate things further.