The Clock Ticks

Christian's POV:

"Sir, five minutes." I nod but fail to look at Taylor. I continue to adjust my tie and straighten out my suit. That will do nicely. I glance over at Elliot to ensure that he has met the brief to my exact standards. Nothing is going to ruin today. I even have a duplicate wedding ring, in my pocket, in case my brother misplaces the one I already gave him. I figure I can have the gold and diamonds remodelled to make a necklace for Ana for our first wedding anniversary, to match her wedding ring. Hearts and flowers, just as my girl deserves.

"Not bad little bro. Still not as handsome as me but you will do." Arrogant bastard! Elliot smirks at his joke, but I don't respond. "I still can't believe that you are getting married today... No, that isn't true... I am still trying to come to terms with the notion that you would ever get married. I don't know how Ana did it, but wow, she must have some special potion…actually, let me retract that comment also. You must have wielded some magic to land a girl like Ana. She is pretty much the whole package... Don't tell Kate I said that!"

"Anastasia isn't pretty much, she is the whole package!..." I correct my brother's statement. Anastasia Rose Steele is beautiful, hot, intelligent, kind, considerate, talented and well read. She drives me wild in bed, on my Saint Andrew Cross, on the silk covered four poster bed, on the sex swing, on my desk, on my piano... on any surface. If I had my way, I would delay flying away for our honeymoon until the end of the year. It will mean touring cities and places she has never seen. I want to experience this with her, but I would prefer to spend the next two weeks fucking my new bride nonstop, except when eating. I haven't claimed her ass yet, but it's on top of the list. "...and soon she will legally mine!"

I exit the guest bedroom, to find our parents approaching my brother and I. Fuck! My hopes of a quick my detour to see Ana before the wedding, are dashed. I already know what is going to occur before it even starts. My mother is going to start crying and get nostalgic. My father is going to want to congratulate me again and warn Elliot to be on his best behaviour, especially in front of Father Walsh. Damn there so little time before the show starts, there is no way I will be able to see Ana now. Then again they can't commence the wedding without us... hmm... I wonder if her wedding dress caters for a nice quick, slam and dunk.

Elliot and I spent the night in one of the guest rooms. I had expected that we would be in our childhood bedrooms, but they were deemed too close to the rooms allocated to Ana and Kate, and the bride's family. Ana's family and I all spent the night here at Bellevue after the rehearsal dinner at one of my exclusive clubs.

"I wanted to pin your boutonniere on you." My mother smiles warmly at me as she attaches it to the lapel of my tuxedo jacket. Mine consists of white Annabelle roses with greenery, while Elliot's best man boutonniere is an arrangement of muted pink and green flowers, including Annabelle roses. Ana chose these to reflect our partner's dresses today. "There you go... perfect. You both look so handsome and smart...I can't believe my son is getting married! It's so wonderful" I doubt I have ever seen her cry so much before. I have made my mother cry before, more than I would like to acknowledge. At least, these are tears of joy.

"Thank you mother, but please don't cry," I request though I know she won't be able to fulfil my request.

"I am not crying." The three of us look at Grace, and she gives us her motherly 'don't argue with me' look. "Alright, yes I am crying, but it's because I am so blissful." I shake my head slightly but smile sympathetically at her. Mom moves towards Elliot and starts to pin his flowers on his suit. "Elliot, I hope this isn't the last time I get to pin one of these on you." My brother and I both look at each other. Unbeknownst to our parents, he is planning on proposing to Kate tomorrow.

"We will see mom. You have been emotional the whole time Christian and Ana have been engaged. If this is what you are like with him getting married, then what are you going to be like when Mia finally does, let alone should I?" Elliot questions.

"That's an easy question to answer. Grace, I don't know about you, but I intend on hiring a wedding planner for our daughter, leaving the country the day she announces her engagement and return on the day of the wedding. Mia is likely to send us all to the loony bin." Our father's statement may seem humorous but it is accurate. I would rather give her a check for several million dollars to pay for the whole thing on the proviso I am not sucked into listening to her go on and on and on over every little detail. Mia wouldn't have shut up over this wedding if we had let her. Ana and I announced early in our engagement that we were going to plan the wedding ourselves according to our wishes. No interference or advice from anyone! We did hire a top notch wedding planner, Miss Bronwyn Bergner, who listened to what we wanted. We made the decisions and she made it happen.

We all notice Taylor as he points to his watch, our code for its time. Yes, the clock is ticking!

"Well, let's get you attached to your ball and chain." Elliot mocks. We meet Mia, who is standing in the doorway in a beautiful long formal pale purple gown, talking to Miss Bergner. Together as a family, we walk down the aisle. My mother and father walk on opposite sides, beside me. Behind us, my sister and brother. I shake my dad's hand, then kiss my mom and sister before taking my place next to my brother at the top of the aisle.

Elliot stands next to me and winks, his way of letting me know that this is the best thing I have ever done. I offer Ana's mother, Carla, and stepfather number three, Bob a polite nod. They offer a similar greeting. I can't express how glad that they live clear across the country. I keep getting a negative feeling from Carla although Bob appears decent enough.

Miss Bergner, signals as scheduled as a reminder it's almost time. I look at my watch and note that it is three minutes to four. I handed over final say on all particulars of our wedding to Ana but refused to budge on the times. The ceremony commences promptly at four, lasting half an hour, with the reception at five so we can leave at nine. It is well known that I am not a patient man; even less so today. I am desperate to put the specially designed wedding ring on Ana's finger. Promptness is paramount, as it means we can leave and be alone.

Four o'clock comes. I narrow my eyes and double-check my watch. The bridal entrance musical should have started by now, Bach Air on G string. The music chosen by Ana and I. Kate should be walking down the aisle, then Ana with her father. I attempt to stay calm by reminding myself that all brides are always a little late by tradition. I guess in the end I can't deny Ana this, though I grow tense when ten minutes passes, then fifteen. Where is she? I scan the room for Taylor. As per protocol at large events, he is wired up and I note that he is talking into his concealed microphone in his sleeve. Fuck! There must be a security issue. Ana! My lips form a hard line when Taylor discreetly walking around the seated guests and to the side where I join him. Both of us turn away from the crowd of invited guests so no one can hear what we are saying.

"Sir, there appears to be a problem." My eyes narrow when Taylor doesn't come straight out and say whatever is going on. All I care about right now is where is my bride?

"Where is Anastasia?" I grunt, quietly.

"Her exact whereabouts are unknown."

"What? How can that be?" I roar loud enough that I catch the attention of every single guest assembled. Fuck them right now. All that matters is locating Ana and having her back with me.

"We need to go inside the house. Bring Elliot; have him talk to Miss Kavanagh." I signal to Elliot to follow us though I don't enlighten him on the situation. He walks swiftly next to Taylor and me towards the house, trying to put the pieces together.

"Explain how this major fuck up happened!"

"From what we understand, Miss Steele was getting dressed with Miss Kavanagh, then Mr. Steele went in. The three of them were talking pleasantly. Mr. Steele left the room to wait for Ana to finish getting ready. Miss Kavanagh then went outside to collect the wedding flowers and when she went back in Miss Steele was missing. Miss Kavanagh is anxious."

"Ana is missing?" Elliot asks, catching up with the story.

"Was she abducted?" Fuck. The world knows how wealthy I am and I would pay my entire wealth to get her back. I have to find her. Now! "Where was Ryan when all this shit occurred? His ass is fired!"

"He was standing at the entrance of the hallway. Ensuring no one bothered Miss Steele. None of the security team has seen her. I called her cell phone but it's off. We are putting a trace on it, but until her phone is switched on its useless. That is if she even has it on her. We haven't been able to locate it so far."

"Then let's hope the security measures you and Welch have put in place means that Ana is still here and unharmed, for both your sakes. Lock the gates and man the perimeter. No one gets in or out until Ana is found or we know without a doubt that she is not here. Heads are going to roll Taylor!" I growl.

"Grey stop!" Taylor calls out. I am in no mood for this. I want Ana back now. "What if she hasn't been kidnapped? We need to consider the possibility that she has left on her own accord?" Taylor's words don't only leave a sour taste in my mouth but also, leaves me cold. Hollow. A sentiment I haven't felt since Ana literally fell into my life.

"No. I would have known if something was wrong, or if Ana was having second thoughts." Taylor wisely doesn't suggest this idea again. Otherwise, he would have needed security for his own safety. I would have pounded him to a pulp.

I storm into the house to where Ana was getting ready, finding a rather distressed Katherine and Ray.

"When did you last see Ana?" I blurt out, questioning Kate. I disregard her worried state. I want answers. Now.

"We were in the room. Laughing. Ana was in good spirits, a little nervous but excited to be married. I came out to get the flowers. Ray was close by. We chatted about how beautiful the bouquets were. I was gone for only a few minutes. When I returned to the room, Ana was gone!" Elliot is comforting Kate, who is physically shaking. It is clear that she doesn't know anything else. Fuck! If something were wrong, then Ana would have told Kate. Someone has taken my bride. Their days are numbered.

"Did she say anything out of the ordinary... anything to suggest she wasn't ready for marriage?"

Elliot queries.

"No! Nothing. Never... not even in the weeks before the wedding."

"Where is my little girl?" Panic hits Ray's voice. I run both hands through my hair, emotions I am unable to control build up. I can't think straight. Pull your shit together Grey. It's the only way to get Ana back.

We are soon joined by Sawyer, Ryan, and Welch and Barney, who are invited guests. My parents, Carla and Bob also find us, everyone is at a loss with what is going on. Elliot quickly fills them in before he and Kate take both families into the sitting room to fix them all a drink and calm them down. Ray wanted to stay with me and the security team since it's his daughter, but Carla reacted badly to the news. He had to help Bob with her.

"I want the whole house and property searched, every inch! Double check the guest list. Determine if anyone is missing. The reception staff, I want all of them accounted for. Establish if one of them would have had anything to do with Ana's disappearance. Barney, I want you to go through the staff and guest particulars, see if anything comes up. Welch keep trying to trace Ana's phone and see if her bank account has been touched. Check her email account just in case... anything. I want no stone left unturned. If Ana's cell phone is found, I want it bagged and brought to me. There might be valuable evidence." I throw orders left right and center until I am satisfied that we are covering all possible bases. Everyone scatters leaving me alone. I want to scream, hit something... anything. I knew I should have insisted that CCTV was installed at my parents' house. I enter the room Ana was getting dressed in with Kate. There are bathrobes, makeup and toiletries lying about. One of Ana's tops and skirts are on the bed and her slippers are on the floor. The clothes she was probably wearing earlier. I remember her packing it. I pick them up. I can smell her scent on them. Hanging up in the wardrobe is Ana's rehearsal dinner dress and heels. There is nothing in this room that appears to be out of the ordinary... no signs of forced breaking in...nothing. .. Shit it must have been an inside job.

'Oh Anastasia where are you and who has you? Do not worry baby. I promise I will find you... bring you back... I will make whoever has done this to you, to us... pay!'

It is only when I walk out of the room that I notice something on the bedside table. To the ordinary person, it would just look like a photo, but it's more than that. The photo is of my crack whore mother. Why is it here? No one ever touches it! So few people even know who she is. I run upstairs to my old bedroom. Regardless of the amount of family that stayed here last night, my old bedroom was vacant. But someone must have come up here. This photo was on the pinup board. I haven't been to my old room recently, so I have no idea when the photo was moved. I storm in, standing in the middle of the room and turn around, scanning the room. The pinup board.. Where the photo was, it's been replaced. Fuck!

I get on my cell phone and call Taylor. "Ana hasn't been abducted. She has left... she walked away... find her... I need to talk to her." In my hand is a photo of me. I am in one of my Grey suits, and a white linen shirt... no tie. Nothing unusual about that... but it's what is around me that has my attention. NO! I want to rip the photo up, angry that this has come back to haunt me...but I had to. Yes, it was wrong... but what other choice did I have? Did I? It wasn't meant to happen like this. When I grip it in with my fingertips to rip it up, I notice that there is writing on the back. Ana's writing.

'For my pleasure, not yours' Remember?'

I repeat the words in my head. Remember? I do remember. The only time I uttered those words to Ana was the first time I bought her here to Bellevue when Mia had come home from Paris. Fuck! That's it. She is in the boat house. I storm out of the house, avoiding everyone. I don't tell anyone anything. All that matters is getting to Ana. I need to talk to her, explain everything to her. I open the door of the boat house and without intending, it slams shut. I walk up the stairs, and there sitting on the couch is Ana.

For a few seconds, I forget why I am here. Anastasia is in her wedding dress. Her shoulders and perfect skin is framed beautifully by her lace off the shoulder dress. It fits around her chest and waist, flaring out softly around the skirt. Perfection! Her hair is up, perfectly sculptured but still so soft. Her makeup is natural looking and flawlessness. Ana is so beautiful that she doesn't need so much makeup. Her legs are crossed, exposing her too high Louboutin wedding shoes. Fuck, her legs look a mile long. They should have been wrapped around my waist this evening. Fuck. I snap out of my daydream... there is a situation we need to deal with.

"Mr Grey, you made it. Not bad... it's only twenty-five minutes past four. I did think maybe you would have found me earlier, though."

"I thought you were fashionably bride like – late."

"Nope," Ana says smacking her lips. "Is everyone still waiting for me? I wonder how long they will. Or has an announcement been made?"

"No announcement. We thought that someone had kidnapped you."

"With all the security you have around the house and property? No chance!"

"I don't know. If there is a will, there is a way. You got out of the house without anyone noticing." Ana raises her eyebrows at me and shakes her head, but a sly smile remains. I narrow my eyes at her. Fuck. I am the one who taught her how. I had once demonstrated how I use to sneak out of my room and into the boathouse as a teenager to drink. It was a simple route but allowed you to avoid detection.

"You found my message and the little photo then?"

"Yes... Anastasia. Now if you have finished with your little hunt. We need to get moving. We are getting married today. You promised to marry me. I love you. Please, let's go and get married." I hold my hand, expecting her to take it. I don't know what I was thinking.

"Don't you mean 'Anastasia, we were getting married today. You promised to marry me, but I fucked up big time. I love you. I will go and tell everyone that the wedding is off."

"No," I reply simply but sternly.

"Have Taylor or your parents or Elliot or the wedding planner... whoever you prefer to inform everyone that the marriage is off. Ask them to them to clear the grounds. I want my parents to be told that I am fine, but need some space. I will contact them soon."

"Fine. Then you will come inside with me and we will talk this whole thing through. I still intend to marry you. If not today, then another day. Soon. You are mine." I don't listen to Ana's reply. Instead, I contact Taylor informing him that I had found her, and instruct him on how to proceed according to Ana's wishes.

"Done. Everyone will be sent home. Your father wants to talk to you personally. He is on the line." I hold out my cell phone. Ana takes it but is careful not to touch my hand. Damn! I am desperate to feel her even if it is just her hand. She turns away from me. Speaking so softly that it's almost impossible to hear what is being said. Almost that is. Anastasia, right now every one of my senses is focused on you. I make out that she isn't going through with the wedding that she is fine and needs time to think. She apologizes for all the fuss and promises she will talk to him soon, face to face. Ana's phone call is quick, by design. She places the phone down on the small table next to the couch, completely shattering my hopes to touch her again.

"You didn't tell your father."

"If I did then you would either have broken bones or a broken neck or need to be carried out of here in a body bag."

"We need to talk."

"Apparently yes." I cock my head to the side. Ana is calm, controlled but angry. "But not now...later. I just needed you to find me."

I swallow hard. Ana is punishing me... Letting me get a visual of what I missed out on marrying and how she would have looked. For the rest of my life, I will be able to envision, Ana walking down the aisle to meet me, the feelings of love and pure joy that I would have felt. Her shy smile... her 'I love you' smile... wiping the tears of joy that I know would have run down her face as I slip her wedding ring on her... holding her hand and then kissing her lips for the first time as husband and wife. Our first dance. Cutting our wedding cake. Then of the privilege of removing her fabulous dress to see her, even more, incredible body. Ana always wears the sexiest underwear for me... she would have, without a doubt, have something special on underneath. It's extremely fitting that Ana would dish out my punishment in this setting. I gave her a punishment fuck in this boat house and here she has delivered mine. Though Ana's is a form of torture... I get to replay what could have been over and over. It is worse than my nightmares. I can wake up from those. But this...this will haunt me around the clock. No matter how much it ticks.

"Go downstairs, contact Taylor and have my car brought to the front of the house. I want to get changed out of this dress. Then as much as I am going to hate it, I will walk back to the house with you before leaving. I want to see your parents and make sure Kate is okay." I cock my head to the side. Ana wishes to see my parents but didn't want to see her own? "Don't worry I am not going to tell them. I respect them too much to be a cause of any more pain. I want to apologise."

"Ana, please. Walk with me to the house, but stay. We can go out stairs and talk about this. Alone. Let me explain. I have never begged anyone for anything, but I will. Please, Ana."

"That is one first I am unable to offer you. Christian I am hurt, angry and uncertain about so much! I will contact Roach in a week or two, once I have decided on whether to remain at SIP or not." I feel like I am burning. Ana can't leave SIP. I bought it to keep her safe. It was to be hers. If she leaves how will I keep her safe? How will I keep her connected to me to win her back?

"You shouldn't resign from your job. Publishing is what you want to do."

"Lots of other publishing houses…." Ana shrugs.

"Except there are not so many jobs in this economy. Anastasia, you need to start thinking straight."

"Why should I? You didn't. That picture is evidence of it."

"Ana, it isn't what you think it is." I need to explain.. but how?

"Really?"

"Yes," I emphasize.

"Then tell me, Christian. Tell me that you didn't cheat?"

"Not in the manner you think."

"It doesn't matter. It's an issue of semantics. Did you touch her? Kiss her? Fuck her or was it vanilla? " I look to the side for a moment and breathe out.

"Anastasia, let me explain.."

"No. Answer my questions."

"Anastasia.," I state her name with so much authority in the hope that it will placate her and cause her to recoil long enough for me to talk some sense into her. "We should go Escala. Let's go home and talk."

"Stop with the Anastasia... Anastasia..Anastasia! Since you won't directly answer my questions, I am in no mood to entertain your carefully orchestrated excuses. When it comes down to the fact, you cheated on me. It is as simple as that."

"No, you are mistaken. It is the polar opposite to simple. Ana, I just want to talk to you. Please promise me that you will give me that." My heart is on a platter and it's hers to do whatever she wants. I am literally at Ana's mercy.

"Later.."

"Later?" I cock my head to the side after I have run both my hands through my hair. "And when do you envision that will be?"

"When I am able to be in the same room with you again, without feeling like this." Ana's steady, calm and angry exterior melts away. She is in so much pain. I want to take it all away, hold her and make her feel happy again. Remind Ana how much I love her. I try to speak, but I don't know the words to say. "Christian please, go downstairs, get my car for me. I know it's here. I drove it here yesterday with my Mom, Bob and Dad before going to the rehearsal dinner last night. I need to get out of this dress."

I hesitate, at first, running my hands through my hair. Again. "I will be downstairs," I groan. I comply with Anastasia's requests though I instruct Taylor not to reassign Sawyer. He is to remain Ana's CPO. In fact, I don't want her to drive. She is too unpredictable. Too emotional.

I hear footsteps behind me. It's Ana. She is dressed in a green knitted top and jeans. She looks beautiful. Her hair is down, framing her face, shoulders and chest. Simple and natural. I open the door of the boat house for Ana and together we walk towards the house. My parents, Elliot, Kate and Mia are standing at the doorway. I stand several steps away as Ana approaches them, to give her breathing space, but still be able to hear what words are exchanged.

"Steele, what's going on?" Kate inquires softly as they share a hug.

"It is difficult to explain. I will soon." Ana replies then faces my family. The four of them look furious, upset, sad, confused.. every emotion that isn't positive is painted on their faces. "I am sorry… thank you for everything."

"Ana, why didn't you marry my son?" Ana shakes her head at my mother's question, not willing to answer. "Please just give me some sort of explanation so I can rationalize what happened today." My mom is pleading. I have never seen her like that. Ever.

"I am not enough." With those four words, Ana turns and walks away from them.

"My keys?"

"Sawyer can drive you. You don't need to drive. You have had a long day and I don't want you at risk."

"My keys?" Ana repeats.

"No"

"For the last time, give me my keys or I will walk out of here and be at more risk." Ana holds her hand out and with no other alternative, I place them in her hand. For a second, I consider kissing her. Praying that it will make her realise how much I love her, but I couldn't handle the added rejection.

"Goodbye, Christian. I will be in touch," Ana is about to walk away when I grab her arm stopping her. The look on her face speaks volumes. Taylor, my father and Elliot approach us. I let go immediately.

"When?" I know she has answered this question already but I asked her again in the hope that she would offer a more concrete answer.

"I don't know. A week, a month...a year, maybe. "

"I love you Anastasia.. don't leave me. You promised you wouldn't!"

"And you promised me that you would be devoted to me!"

"I am," I stress.

"Goodbye," Ana utters taking my hand. I close my eyes, savoring this touch. Thank you! I don't take my eyes off her, but she never even glances back at me as she walks towards her car. I am stunned into silence as Ana drives away. I feel something in my hand. I open it and find Ana's engagement ring. Another part of my heart dies.

She left me. Anastasia has left me. Again. I look at the offending picture. I fucked up. I need to make this right.

# # # #

The day after our failed wedding, Sawyer was sent back to Escala with a box. Inside it contained Ana's MacBook, iPad, Blackberry, her second chance earrings and the other pieces of jewelry I had given her during our short time together. These pieces were to be the first of many. Ana didn't stop there, returning her Saab and the keys. I surmised she was trying to rid me of her.

My family decided to give me space and didn't question me. They knew that unless I spoke first, they wouldn't get much out of me. Elliot came over the day after. He asked me one simple question.

"What did you do?"

"I fucked up.. big time. But I had to. There was no other choice."

I expected Elliot to hit me and I would have welcomed it even. Instead, he grabbed a bottle of bourbon and two glasses. We sat down, talked and drank. I explained everything to him. Elliot already knew about Elena and me after it came out during my birthday. Though he didn't know the nitty gritty. I told him everything. The nature of my relationship with Elena, BDSM, the fifteen, having a relationship with Ana and then the final cause of our failed wedding. Fuck, we were so drunk neither of us could walk straight. We couldn't even get up off the couch. The last thing Elliot had said to me before we ended up passing out was that I was an asshole; however, I needed to fight for Ana.

It has been eight weeks and regardless of my attempts to contact Ana, she still wasn't willing to talk. I spoke to Flynn, worked out with Bastille every day trying to clear my head, but it's not working. I sent flowers, letters, organised for restaurants we had visited to deliver meals to Ana. Anything to remind her of the wonderful times we had together.

Fuck I even called Kate. She only told me that Ana was well all things considered. My should-have-been bride wouldn't tell her exactly what happened, but did say I ought to go fuck myself. I couldn't argue with her. I was humbled in a way that Ana had stuck to the NDA. She had shown me so much respect even though she was hurt.

Ana made contact with Roach and attempted to resign from her position at SIP. Under my orders, he convinced her to take some time to think her decision over and gave her leave with full pay. Keeping Ana at SIP is imperative. It makes keeping her safe a hell of a lot easier. I had to make sure Ana was still getting paid also. There is no way she would accept any money from me, but she needs to live.

I have survived the past two months by throwing myself into my work. I have worked non-stop. I don't want to sleep. Only doing so when it's impossible to fight my exhaustion. My nightmares are worse than ever. They always begin the same way. They are pleasant, happy. Offering hope of what could have been. Occasionally, I even dream of Ana and I having children. They are some of the most joyful thoughts. You would think they would scare me, but instead, they fill me with joy. Playing with our children. Me holding and loving Ana while watching them run around our spacious home that we would have been building by now. Then my dreams turn dark as it all vanishes. Darkness unlike I have ever experienced before.

Today is different. I finally have the opportunity to start moving forward. Ana has agreed to talk to me. Her emails were simple but it was all I needed.

To: Christian Grey

From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: Honest Answers

Christian,

I am ready to talk. I want to know what and why. Most of all I want honesty.

Please advise me when you are available.

Anastasia Steele

From: Christian Grey

To: Anastasia Steele

Subject: Honesty guaranteed.

Dear Anastasia,

I will make myself available any time, any place you wish. How does dinner sound? We can eat anywhere you like. Name it Ana. I will make any reservation.

I miss you. I love you.

Christian Grey

CEO of Grey Enterprise Holding

To: Christian Grey

From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: Setting

Communication not dinner. Escala is suitable. Tomorrow at five.

Anastasia

From: Christian Grey

To: Anastasia Steele

Subject: Our place it is

Dear Anastasia,

I will have Sawyer meet you outside Kate's apartment at twenty to five. Since your car is here at our home.

Yes, we will talk. But, I would like to eat with you too.

I miss you. Do you still love me?.

Christian Grey

CEO of Grey Enterprise Holding

To: Christian Grey

From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: Agreed

I will see you then. Escala is yours, not ours.

Anastasia

From: Christian Grey

To: Anastasia Steele

Subject: Omissions

Anastasia,

No Escala is still ours. You didn't answer my question.

Christian Grey

CEO of Grey Enterprise Holding

To: Christian Grey

From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: Deliberate actions

I know.

Anastasia

I took what refuge I could in the fact that Ana refused to answer my question of whether she still loved me. This had to mean that there was still the possibility that she still did and, therefore, I could mend our broken relationship.

At a quarter to five, I exit my study. My attempts to throw myself into my work failed. I am on edge and a desperate man. I want Ana back. I want to walk into my bathroom and see her use my toothbrush. To watch her read. To watch her skillfully and playfully maneuver around the kitchen. To watch her sleep next to me. I miss everything about her. Sawyer sent a message a few minutes ago informing me that he had Ana and was on his way to Escala. At least, she was willing to allow him to drive her.

Ms Jones has kindly cooked dinner even though it is her day off. In her email, Ana wasn't eager to eat with me but I am hoping she will change her mind. Last time she left me she lost weight... if the same has happened. I shudder to think. Also, it will lighten the mood tonight. Something that is definitely desired.

I start pacing, only stopping when I hear the elevator ping and then open. I turn and walk steadily towards it. Ana. I swallow as I look at her. As predicted, she looks slimmer than before, but I don't have the leverage to scold her. I need to get her to eat. Regardless Ana looks beautiful. She is stunning no matter what the situation. Ana is dressed casually in a pair of jeans and simple white shirt. A very classic look and one that is again, by design. A deliberate act. She wants me to know that she didn't put much effort into the way she is dressed. I couldn't care less. Ana is here. Finally

"Ana." Her name is like a litany. I move towards her when she stops walking. As I get closer and closer, I find that all I want to do is to hold her. Wrap my arms around her and press my lips against her, before burying my nose in her hair. No one in the world knows me as well as Ana, and at times she has been able to read my mind.. just like now. When I am only a couple of footsteps away, Ana yells out 'Stop'. It's another stab at my heart. One that I find is dying quickly.

"I came to talk. I need answers." I pray that Ana's words don't dictate the tone of the evening. She didn't take her eyes off mine, as she walked around me and into the main room. Standing to the side, Ana, turns and looks around.

"I don't know why but I almost thought that this place would look different... strange. It feels different... I use to think of it as home."

"It still is your home, Ana. The same for our new home that we will build. Elliot is just waiting for the go-ahead from us both. We can be so happy."

"This isn't my home anymore. Nor will that house on the sound, should you ever chose to build it." Ana's voice is soft and cheerless though this is short lived. Her tone becomes assertive.

"Okay, Christian, I am here to talk. I told you on the day of our doomed wedding that I would give you that when I was ready. I am ready. Talk!"

"Can I offer you a drink? Ms Jones has prepared dinner. Are you hungry?"

"No and no. I came to talk. If you are not willing to do so, then I will leave." Never have I heard Ana be so dictatorial and direct. I nod and gesture for her to take a seat on the couch. The only offer she has accepted in the short time she has been here.

"Okay, Ana. I am at your mercy. Ask me anything you want. I will answer it."

"I want to know what happened and why you did it."

"Okay. I owe you that much."

Thirteen weeks ago

I burst into the apartment, with Taylor behind me. My heart was beating a thousand miles an hour when Ethan turned up at the apartment building. Ana! I knew something was wrong. When we entered, it was my worst nightmare. There was Leila with a gun on Ana. Thank God she wasn't hurt. I stared at Leila, locking my eyes with her. She was dirty and there was an unusual vibe radiating from her. Fuck, I need to get Ana away. I moved towards Leila.

"Ana, I need you to leave" I ordered.

"But.."

"Leave. Now," I demanded harshly. I needed Ana away from harm, but she wouldn't budge.

"Christian, I am not leaving. Forget it." Why won't she just listen to me?

"Taylor, throw Ana over your shoulder if you have to, but get her out of here. Take her back to Escala."

"I can't leave you."

"You will leave. Taylor I given you my orders."

"Fine. I'll go." I hear Ana murmur as Taylor leads her outside. Once the door closed, I quickly check behind me and to make sure we're alone.

"Okay, Leila, it's just you and me." My dominant persona takes over. I had expected Leila to immediately obey, fall to the floor, and get into position. Exactly like she used to, but she doesn't. In fact, her body language and expression are completely out of character. She was always playful, but now she isn't right. Fuck, Leila is worse than I thought. I step back and lock the door. Ana has little regard for her own safety, and I don't want to risk her re-entering the apartment. I refuse to allow Ana to be put in harm's way again.

"I could have shot her... I still could."

"Leila. Put. The. Gun. Down." I continue to stare at her, never blinking, exactly like it used to be with us in the playroom.

"No... next time I see her. I will kill her."

"Leila. You are breaking the obedience rule. You will be punished."

"You and your goon's can't protect her from everything. You would have to keep her locked up. I doubt that she would like that. I could be out of sight and bang.. shot.. dead. No more" Leila laughs and plays with the gun. I quickly assess that I need to take matters further. I remove my jacket, white shirt and take off my shoes and socks. I don't have my Dom jeans, but I resemble how I looked to her in the playroom. It starts to make an impact; making Leila a little more docile. I walk into Ana's bedroom. She still has a lot of her belongings in here. I go into her underwear drawer and find a pair of white panties and a hair tie.

Back in the main room, Leila is playfully aiming her gun at a picture of Ana and Kate at their college graduation. The look in her eye. I know right now if she were given another chance, Leila would hurt Ana. I can't allow that to happen.

"You like Ana's eyes don't you?" I don't respond. As a 'Dom', I would never answer my submissive questions, especially not during a scene. "I know you do. I have seen the way you look at her." This has to end now. Forever. It is the only way I know I will be able to keep Ana safe.

I approach Leila steadily. I do not hesitate for a second. I don't even acknowledge that she still has the gun in her left hand. Leila moves her right hand, but I grip it tightly at her wrist. "Don't move," I order. I grip her dirty, oily hair. Fuck I am going to have to get her to take a bath before I get her out of here. I braid her hair and tie it. Leila's demeanour changes a little more.

"Take off your clothes. Put these on." I move away from her but still maintain my cold stare. I distance myself.. this is a scene.. one with an objective. Not gratification, but to bring order to Leila and, more importantly, protect the one I love. Ana.

Leila complies. Removing her clothes. Putting on the white panties. Though she quickly returns to the kitchen counter and takes hold of the gun.

"On your knees. Trust me, Leila, you will not want me to ask you twice." I make her wait. Standing several minutes later and enter the kitchen. I take the gun and place it on the top shelf. It's not very high up at all, but it will have to do. I grab a tea cloth and search the kitchen. The first thing I find it a wooden spoon. Crude but effective.

I wrap the cloth around Leila's eyes, blindfolding her. I need to make her submit completely. I place my hand on her back and lead her to the wall. "Put your hands out. Flat. In front of you. Don't let go."

I run the end of the spoon across her body, stopping several times, to hit her. Each time she looks down. More and more submissive. Perfect. This is the only way to make sure she will listen. It's the only way I can get through to her.

"Leila. I am going to give you a bath. Then you are going to get medical help. I am going to help you. Do you understand?" Leila nods. I am not satisfied. "Say that you understand."

"I understand, Sir."

I remove the blindfold and instruct her to follow me. I fill the bath and signal for her to get in. I take the shampoo and wash her hair. When I am satisfied that Leila is clean, I walk out of the bathroom. I need to get her some clothes. As I rummaged through Ana's old clothes, I contact Flynn and update him. Taylor has already informed him of the situation, and Flynn has put our plan into action.

When I enter the bathroom, Leila is still in the bath. Perfectly submissive. She is awaiting instruction to get out. This is preferable to her previous state. This way she will be open to therapy and to getting better. Ana will be safe.

"Get out of the bath and get dressed." I place the clothes down and walk out. I'm relieved that this is finally coming to end. Leila comes out of the bathroom looking far more like her usual self.

"Dr Flynn is on his way. We are going to get you all the help you need. Then name it. Art school, college.. whatever you need. I will arrange and pay it for you." I offer. I need to ensure she is safe and well, or else who knows what she will do in the future.

"Sir is kind. I want another contract." I cock my head to the side. She wants to be a submissive again? It isn't uncommon for submissives to seek new dominants after they end with one, but I have never assisted in this process. Nor do I intend to. I could ask Elena to help though it would piss Ana off big time. No! That would mean Leila stays here in Seattle. I want her as far away as possible. Another thought comes to mind.

"I will have Taylor contact someone I have had some loose association with. He runs a club, on the East Coast. Maybe he knows someone seeking a new submissive. Remember that you have signed an NDA. You can never tell your new Dom about us." That is the most that I will offer to do. I never ever get involved in the relationship of other doms and submissives.

"No, that is not what I meant, master." I cock my head to the side, unsure of Leila intentions. She is so erratic that it's impossible to pre-empt anything that will come out of her mouth. "I want another contract with you."

"No" I reply sternly.

"Sir, you just said that you would give me the help I need. To simply name it and that is you, master."

"No," I reply. Leila smirks. Her behaviour becomes erratic again. Fuck, all that work for nothing. I lunge for her, but it's too late. Leila manages to grab the gun.

"It's because of her."

"Leila, our contract ended two years ago."

"I could hurt Ana still. If she were gone, then you would be free. I could give you everything you desire. I can be what you want. You said it yourself, when you came in here earlier tonight, as you scolded Ana. She didn't obey immediately. She was disobedient. She isn't submissive. I can tell."

"Ana is everything I want." That she is. I want her forever. Yes, that is what I want. Ana with me forever. I have known this since she fell into my office.

"Then I will have to kill her. Someday.. somehow."

"No." I need to take control of Leila. There is one technique that worked with her. I only did it once, early in our relationship. It put her in her place and illustrated that I was the master and she is the submissive. I did it and it worked. It meant she would willingly go with Dr. Flynn, the hospital staff and get the help she needed. Afterwards, I will have security watching her. She wouldn't be a danger then.

"Christian what did you do?" Ana probes. I hoped that I had explained enough but, of course, it wasn't. That's my Ana. Always wanting to know every last detail. I hesitate. I wish I could go back in time. Find a different solution, but at the time, desperation got the best of me. "You promised me to be honest. Omitting information isn't truthful." I sigh. That night, when I returned to Escala after Leila was taken to seek professional help at the facility, I only told Ana that I gave her a bath and dressed her in some of her old clothes. I never mentioned the white panties or the wooden spoon, and I didn't mention the worse of it.

"I denied her."

"What?"

"I ripped her underwear, lifted up her top and teased her. I made her aroused and took her to the brink of orgasming, then stopped. Over and over. It's a standard tool in BDSM." The look on Ana's face says it all. I need to explain myself and quick. "It was a means to bring her to ultimate submission so she wouldn't be a threat. Leila needed to realise that I would always deny her."

Ana stands and walks away from me. I know this look. It is the look so many of my submissive's had after I punished them and one of the reasons why they would need a bedroom away from me. Space. They would need distance from my fifty shades.

"Ana..." I stand up. Following her. When I reach out for Ana to comfort her. She yells out.

"Don't. No!"

"Anastasia. I did the only thing I could to protect the only woman that I have ever loved. You. The pain of knowing that you could be hurt or worse killed because of my past is my worst nightmare. I love you too much."

"You touched her. Intimately. In a manner, that would arouse you. Did you become excited?

"Yes," I don't lie. I have done that enough. "But I didn't fuck her."

"Still hurts all the same. You had other options!" Ana's hugs her stomach and rocks a little. My girl is in pain and it's my fault. Fuck, I am an asshole. I stand up, with the full intention to sit next to her and put her on my lap to cradle her. Love her. Comfort her. Let her cry it all out and then carry her to bed. Let her sleep and start again tomorrow. But my hopes are destroyed.

"Do not come near me or I will scream for Taylor and Sawyer. If you lay on finger one me, I promise that you will never see me again." I run both of my hands through my hair, then sit down. The threat of never seeing Ana again is more torture then the nightmares the haunt me from our wedding day.

"I didn't know what else to do." How many times am I going to have to tell her this?

"You lied to me when you came back to the apartment that night, then proposed. Did you ask me to marry you out of guilt?" What? Never! How can she even think this?

"No. Fuck no Ana. I asked you because I only want to be with you. Without you, my life is empty. I am engulfed in darkness. I asked you to marry you because you are my world. I want to be with you forever. Marry me. Now!"

"What? Christian, you are crazy!" I can't help but smirk at her response. Marrying Ana is the most level headed thing I have ever decided.

"I am crazy for you. Marry me. Tonight or tomorrow. I can get everyone in our family that matters to us here by tomorrow. Or we can get on my jet and go to Vegas. Please, Ana, marry me!"

"I can't.. not now.. not... I don't know... I have to go. Thank you for your honesty. Goodbye, Christian" I suddenly become desperate. She is leaving. No!

"Ana.. don't please."

"I need time."

"I have given you time to think this all through! How much more do you need?"

"I don't know!" The heartbreak Ana is experiencing is painted in her eyes. "Goodbye Christian."

"Anastasia," I respond. I watch as she presses the button for the elevator that will take her away from me again. The door opens and a question I am yet to ask her pops into my head.

"Ana, before you go, tell me. Where did you get that photo from?" That damn picture. The one that Ana pinned to my board at Bellevue. The picture itself wasn't slanderous but told me that she knew more had happened that night than I told her. I was walking with Leila to the hospital vehicle. She was looking down completely submissive.

"Does it matter?"

"Please tell me," I beseech softly.

"It was delivered to me the night before our nuptials. It was waiting for me on my last day of work at SIP before our doomed marriage. There was a message on it."

"What did it say?"

"It said that 'master will also be denied.' Fuck Leila. How, I don't know but I will find out. I move closer to the elevator, as Ana stands inside. I am less than a foot away from her, but it feels like miles.

"I love you, Anastasia."

"I love you too, Christian."

With those words, the elevator doors close. I don't know how long I remained there staring at the elevator. Praying maybe it would open again and Ana would be there. I wonder when the elevator door will open again. Eventually, I turn and enter the penthouse. It seems so large and quiet now. The silence is almost deafening. The only thing I hear is a clock ticking. Seconds turn into minutes, then hours to days.

The question now is how long I will need to wait for Ana. Do I wait until she is ready, or do I fight for what is mine?

A/N: Hi All. this is my new story... or I may leave it as this. It is different to the others I have written. I don't know what you are all going to think about it, but I have enjoyed playing around with the characters.

Also many thanks to MrsCTGrey who beta'ed this.